Happy Halloween 2007!

Happy Halloween, guys!
Hope you had a nice day! Halloween was quite big here in Sweden a few years ago or so, sometimes I think we copy pretty much everthing from America but it seems to have died out more or less now. Can't say that I'm too sorry about it, I've never cared that much for Halloween, myself ... Mostly annoying kids at the door all the time *lol*!

I don't have much to write about regarding today ... I tried getting some studying done this morning, then I went and met my mentor!! I really enjoy seeing her, but this will unfortunately be the last semester! She's having a baby and taking a break from studies, and even when she's due back, it won't be the same because she won't continue on the same department! I really hope we can stay in touch anyway ... I'd love to meet the baby of course! :)
We did meet at a somewhat unfortunate time, 2.30 in the afternoon, and I didn't get that much done before I had to get ready to leave, and I didn't get home until almost 6 - I also had some errands to run - and then I was fairly exhausted, so I haven't gotten much done tonight either ... Ah well, I guess I'll have to get all the more done tomorrow!! No little outings planned for tomorrow, all I have planned is doing laundry between 10 and 2, and I guess I'll survive that and will be able to study! ;)

Finishing off with some more Stargate SG-1 graphics!! (Still WAITING for my huge Stargate-box ... wonder if I should email the seller and ask when he sent it, it's been over 2 weeks now ....)
Enjoy!




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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nödens handelsmän, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 9)
Currently listening to: Wish I Could Stay - Buffy the Vampire Slayer Once More With Feeling
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, laundry ... cleaning would be nice

About Labels - New Poll

I've created a new poll today, you see it in the column to the right.
I have been thinking about using labels for this blog, although I can't really make up my mind, so I thought I'd ask you. I'm using labels on my other blogs, but not this one - would you like me to?
Please give me your vote on this - I have decided to leave the poll open until the end of the year, and if most of you feel it might be a good idea, I will start using labels after that - and I will also try to (but it might take some time!) go through my old posts and add labels to them as well, so it should be easier to navigate the blog and find interesting posts.

I would really appreciate it if you took your time and placed a vote!

Thanks,
Jessica

A General Change (?) ... And No Sunset!

As you can see from the picture - this is what my life is all about these days. And I have a strong feeling it will remain exactly like that for quite some time ...
But I still feel like things have started to change for me now, and it's definately a change for the better!! Ever since the 'incident' with Zorro (see blog entry from Sunday 28 October), I have seen things in a different perspective, I think, and all my passiveness and apathy has actually ... disappeared!
I can't say that I am 100% efficient, but efficiancy takes time to get used to, and I think I'm getting there now! I'm doing more in a day now than I did in a week before, and it feels okay! I don't feel so resigned at all, there's a will in me to actually get things done! I've made pretty much a huge, great mess of Uni this semester so far, and I can't guarantee I can work it out in the end, but I am at least motivated to try now, which I haven't been before!!
I'm so happy and relieved nothing was wrong with Zorro, and since it wasn't, in retrospect I think the incident was all for the better, because my life has certainly starting to turn around ever since it happened!!

I'm still trying to catch a lovely sunset with my camera - but I never ever succeed!! The times I've managed to get down to the ocean before, I've always been just to late - today I really made an effort to get going on time!! And I did!! Only to find that once I came down to the ocean, the entire Western sky was covered by a huge cloud ... *sigh* Therefore, the pictures aren't great - but I at least thought I'd share them with you! :)





Take care, guys!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Dödens budbärare, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 9)
Currently listening to: Who Am I? - Les Misérables Original Broadway Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, meeting with my mentor

Mostly Studies ...

This day has felt kind of weird, actually. It's been sort of divided into two parts - this morning and until, oh, about 4 p.m. or so, I was really efficient, I got things done and I felt pretty good. Then for some reason, it all changed. I can't really explain it, but for some reason, I completely lost focus this afternoon! I've tried getting things done, but despite my efforts, nothing gets done! Very annoying!

Needless to say, not much is going on right now, except for studies! I still feel I'm in major trouble this semester, and I'm starting to think I'm going to feel that way until the entire semester is over! Things have not been working at all, and I know I'm paying the price for that now, but that doesn't make it easier! Guess I'll have to realize that I will spend every waking moment studying in the future, and hope for the best (although I strongly feel that won't ever be enough) ...

Anyway, better get off to bed so I can get an early start tomorrow!
Good night!


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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Dödens budbärare, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: Amo Del Mesón (Master of the House) - Les Misérables Spanish Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES!

Studies, Websites And A Spooky City ...

... and quite a wakeup-call!

This morning was not the best one, I got quite a scare, actually! I had only just gotten up when I heard Zorro make a noise as if he was about to throw up. He does it occasionally, it's not that weird for a cat and he's quite furry, so I didn't think much about it. What I noticed was that not much came up but I just figured he hadn't eaten in a while so he had an empty stomach.
But he didn't stop!! Usually he vomits once, maybe twice but not more than that, and this time he wouldn't stop! After the first three times, I noticed that he only got up what looked like white foam ... and by then I was totally freaked out!!
Sunday morning isn't the best time either, and I've never seen a vet here with him, I always do his annual check-ups and vaccinations when I'm visiting my families - so I started frantically looking through to phonebook to try and find a vet, as well as the phonenumber for a cab, as I have no car on my own.
After - oh, it's hard to judge time when you're so scared! - maybe 10 minutes (of constant vomiting), he stopped ... I hardly dared to look at him, but he seemed to be doing okay, he came to me, wanted to cuddle etc. I tried to calm down, and it really seemed like he was doing much better. After a while, he rested on the couch and I started cleaning away after him ... when I discovered what looked like a half-eaten leaf ... so I'm guessing he ate something off the floor or from a flower in the window, and it was "poisonous" enough to cause this heavy vomiting!
Anyway, he's been doing fine the rest of the day, even though he has slept a lot more than he usually does ... and I have been very relieved all day!!

This incident did in fact constitute a wake-up call for me though! I've been feeling down and sad and low pretty much all autumn, I have felt apathic and passive and not gotten anything done - and I think this really openend my eyes! I still don't know why I sometimes get in this horrible moods that I do, but today I realized that there are so many things that can go sooooo wrong - and that my apathy is really petty and nothing that should be allowed to take control over my life the way it has done! It doesn't neccessary has to be Zorro - even though I know we are starting to live on borrowed time - it might be that something happens to my parents, or to me for that matter.
Today has worked out better than the last days, I think mostly because of this 'new look' of things. So since Zorro is okay after all, I think this incident might have done me some good after all! :)

I've spent today studying and also working a bit on my websites! I have so many of them, and now I'm starting new blogs all the time, I really need to go through what I have, what I can get rid of, and just generally, what I want to do with them all! Naturally some things needed fixing, and I haven't worked in FrontPage for so long, I made mistakes all the time ... needless to say, this 'website project' won't be finished in a hurry!

I also took a walk down town this afternoon, mostly to get some exercise but also to do some complementary shopping ... and boy, was it scary! Okay, it was Sunday afternoon (about 3 p.m.) but the town was completely dead!! You'd see the ocasional car or a dog-owner walking their dog, but otherwise the entire town was empty and completely silent ... way spooky! I felt like I was in a Stephen King movie or something ... guess I'm really in the mood for Halloween after this! *lol*

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Domens dag, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Borkmans Punkt (Van Veeteren)
Currently listening to: Det går en väg till mitt hjärta, Niklas Strömstedt
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, websites, maybe a trip

SO Tired!

Aparently I only get one good day inbetween all the bad ones!
This one actually started out fairly good, even though I had an 'argument' with Zorro first thing this morning. But as the hours passed, my mood just got worse and worse and worse! To my "defense" I have to say that I have tried to get this day to work!! I have tried doing things, I took a long walk instead of taking the bus when I was running errands etc - but nothing helped, I've just felt terrible all day!

I don't really know how I will cope with my life - and especially Uni of course - because it might work to take a day or two off, when you're feeling really terrible, but you can't keep taking day after day after day after day .... it just doesn't work!
I do worry about this, because I'm not sure how I will row this boat ashore, the way things are now. I think I could do it, IF (and I really should enlarge the IF and write it in bright red letters!!) I could give it my all, be concentrated and study full time, be efficient and keep at it ... but since things have turned out the way they have, I can't say that that will work ... what's to say I won't feel equally low and passive and apathic tomorrow, or the next day, or the next ....

I realize I'm not sounding the most fun ever, and I do apologize! I realize it might not be that much fun to read my blog entries these days ... Don't know what to say about that really, except that I use this blog to actually write about what goes on in my life, but not only what I practically do, but also how I feel about things. And I can't very well write lies here, can I? :)
I guess all we can do is hope for better times, right?

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Domens Dag, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Goldfinger
Currently listening to: Master of the House (Les Misérables Original London Cast)
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies - I hope!!

Feeling Greatful!

Today has been much better than the last two days, so I'm very greatful for that. I still feel a bit frustrated over the fact that I can't see why I all of a sudden get in these horrible, totally passive and apathic moods ... I just know I do! Would be better if I could see something that triggered it though, because than I'd at least have a fair chance at avoiding them.

Still, I've been having a better day today though, and I guess that's the main thing.
I've managed to clean most of my apartment and also get some studying done.
Things at Uni will be more than horrible in the future, because from 5 November I will actually be taking two full-time courses at the same time! *gulp* I didn't really plan it that way, but it turned out like that anyway ... so I guess I won't even have time to be in a bad mood! :) Guess it's not all bad then, right!? *lol*

I'm really really hoping my moods will improve now and that I won't experience to many bad ones in the future, because I don't have the time or the energy for that anymore. Also, the thing with Uni is, that if you don't carry on as planned, the consequences usually are really bad - such as not being able to take the courses I plan next semester, or not getting any money - so I honestly can't waste any more time now ...

Past the point of no return
The final threshold
The bridge is crossed
So stand and watch it burn ...
We've passed the point of no return

'Point of no return' - Phantom of the Opera



Before I sign off, a message to all my Swedish readers:
Jag har bestämt mig för en lite ny approach till min vikt-blogg, Ytterligare Ett Försök. Det lär ju bli ett sista ytterligare försök nu innan jul, och jag kommer därför att försöka uppdatera bloggen varje dag! Detta kommer dock inte noteras i min lilla "updated blogs" längst upp till höger i den här bloggen, utan ni kan förutsätta att den uppdateras varje dag (skulle jag ändra det kommer jag att meddela det på bloggen).

Take care guys!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Dödens medicin, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 9)
Currently listening to: Lost in the Stars, Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, probably a little outing, cleaning.

What Can I Say?

I have had two really rotten days now ... which is why I didn't write anything here yesterday. I'm not sure why things turn out the way they do, but things have not been good, that's for sure!

I'm getting very tired of never getting my life to work on routine - it's just one thing after another after another that makes my life a mess ... and I'm feeling really sick of it right now! Why should it be so hard to only get life to work? I'm not asking for miracles (at least I don't think so?!), but just feeling that the hours and days and weeks and months are passing by without everything being such a big deal ... Guess I don't have that much luck, right?!

Sorry about the mega-depressing entry here, fact of the matter is that I am starting to feel a little better now - or I wouldn't write here - so once again I guess I'll have to work hard at getting an okay day tomorrow ...
I still can't help but being frustrated about things never ever working out! I know I have to fight for it, and that problems just don't solve themselves, but I honestly think I haven't done anything but fight like crazy for the past five or six years ... and I'm not sure if I can keep on fighting like this to make every day or even every hour work out, especially considering I might have as much as 40-50 years left to live ... that makes up a whole lot of days and hours ....

I really shouldn't have written this entry, I feel that these thoughts might not be so suitable in a blog, but once I started writing, I couldn't really help myself and the words just sort of popped out ...
Guess I shouldn't go on about it anymore though ...

(I realize the thumbnail of the graphic looks a little strange, but just click on it to see it in real size and it will look better)




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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Dödens medicin, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: De Hjältemodiga, Astrid Lindgren
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies probably

At Last!

Finally I have had a fairly good day!!!!
Since things haven't been the greatest lately, that feels wonderful, and I am very greatful! No headaches at all today, and I have gotten pretty much done too!

I met my mentor, Rebecka, for lunch today which was really nice! They have these sort of 'student-lunches' - it's a bit complicated and has to do with the way the University functions, but still ... they are total bargains!! Today we had yummy Taco-pie with sallad, water to drink and coffee and cookies afterwards - and for all of it we paid 30SEK!! (which is under $5) Amazing! Should try to use that more often! :)

I usually have a 'down-period' in the afternoon, between say 3 and 5-6, and this happened today as well. I get so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open - and I can't very well go to bed at 5 p.m. can I?! *lol* Not much got done than, but after that I managed to clean a little and also get some studying in. Not too bad!

I'm still very addicted to the TV-show Stargate SG-1, even though I only have the first season on DVD yet (my huge box set hasn't arrived yet!), and I thought I'd try to promote my Stargate-blog a little - check it out : Enter The Stargate
Enjoy!
I also made a few Stargate graphics tonight, I hope you'll like them!



My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Förgörarna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: Secret Garden: Prologue - Journey from India to Yorkshire
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies mostly - some errands

I'm Working On It!

I have been feeling a lot better today - thank you for that! One week of constant headaches is more than enough, that's for sure!
I haven't been 100% effective today, but I have been doing more than in the last few days, and I guess that's something, right?!
I think the main thing is that I'm actually feeling better in myself, I feel motivated and I want to deal with things now! I guess something good must have come out of those headaches after all, right?!

Anyway, it takes some getting used to to be active again ... I've more or less spent the last few days at least actively trying to get rid of my headache, now all of a sudden I'm supposed to deal with studies, cleaning, laundry and other stuff ...

By the way, once incident from this weekend that I forgot to mention in my last entry, that I feel is worth thinking about.
I think it was on Saturday, I felt a bit better from my headache and I needed to run some errands downtown. When I got there they had this "market" (nothing fancy, but there are a bit of a 'cosy' feeling strolling around there, and it does attract some people!), so I thought I'd look around. I'm usually drawn to the 'book-table', although I'm never really buying anything. But now I saw they had quite a lot of Enid Blyton books. I was totally addicted to her 'Famous Five'-books when I was younger, and for a period I decided to collect those books, and others by Enid Blyton. It's been a while since I was an active collector, but when I saw the price on these books, I couldn't resist! You could get 5 books for 20 SEK!!! (20 SEK is about US$3) I got five really nice 'Secret Seven' books - and they had even more, so I guess I'll have to take a look there on the next market as well!
But the thing is .... When I was walking away I started thinking!! Without giving it much thought at all, I had actually bought these books on market - not in a supermarket where the 'general shopping rules' apply, and I realized that this is something I would never have done three, maybe even two, years ago!!! I think I notice this, because I've always wanted to be able to buy stuff at markets, it seems so much nicer and more customer friendly than buying stuff at a huge supermarket, but I've never felt I could do it ... and now I hardly even hesitated!!!!!! There was a brief moment, when I wondered how to attract the attention of the guy running it - but it was nothing that really bothered me, and it worked out great!!
Little things like this really gives my self confidence a boost!


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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Utpressarna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: End Game, Anthony Stewart Head
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting my mentor, studies

Very Confused!

I felt I should write something here now, since I missed blogging last night ... I'm feeling completely exhausted though, so I'm not sure if I'm going to make much sense!
The headache is getting better, I felt less pain yesterday and has almost felt none today. For some reason I have been totally tired all day, so I haven't been quite as efficient as I had hoped. I have managed to clean most of my appartment, even though I really should have done more than that.

A bit tough not to understand why I'm so tired though! I really hope I won't catch a cold now because I don't have time to be sick anymore now!!

I'm also totally frustrated over Tradera! I have sold quite a lot of things during the years, but this time it's been worse than ever, soooo many people that are not paying, claims they have paid when they haven't, totally refuses to reply to emails .... I'm practically loosing my mind over this. Actually it takes quite a lot of work to get these auctions to function well, with proper descriptions, photos, taking the time to write and upload the auctions, checking for shipping costs, cheapest way of shipping when buyers have bought more than one auction etc etc ... I know I can't always get the 'easy' buyers, but right now I think I'm waiting for payment from six or seven different buyers - and there's just one problem after another ....
I'm a bit "against" leaving negative feedback too, because it's so common with "revenge-feedback" - that is, if I'm upset with a buyer who won't reply to emails or send payment, and leave a negative feedback for them, they will automatically do that for me as well, despite the fact that I haven't done anything to warrant it ...
I have a lot of stuff I want to sell on Tradera, and some things that I know I will probably get some money for, but right now, I'm so sick of it!!!!!

Sorry about not beeing in a better mood! I'm still having kind of a hard time "coming back" after this headache-thing, and combined with other factors - such as Tradera, the fact that I'm always tired, that it seems Zorro has gone completely insane for the last few days - makes me feel rather low right now!
I'm gonna try to get a good night's sleep now, and hope I'll feel better tomorrow!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Utpressarna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Too tired to think about that!

Giving Up Soon!

I feel I'm almost giving up now, another day with constant headache!! *sobbing*
I did feel a little better during the day, I managed to go out and do some grocery shopping at least, but it's gotten worse again tonight!! I honestly don't know what to do now, I can't deal with anything in my life when I'm in this great pain, but I still can't help wondering: how long can this go on? I can't just sit in my sofa trying to cure a headache for the rest of my life!!!!

Sorry guys, but I'm feeling rather down about this tonight! I know I should try not to freak out, since stressing about things is probably what got me this headache in the first place, but it's very hard just to let everything go day after day after day after day .... If I wake up with a headache tomorrow as well, it will be one whole week .... *groaning and moaning*

Not the greatest blog entry in the world, but the truth is: nothing happens!! Except for me trying to drink a lot, eat regularly, keep the balcony door open and try to shut out Zorro's constant holloring, trying to sleep a lot, eating tons of pills ... yup, that's the quick summary of my life at the moment ...

Please keep your fingers crossed this will be over soon!!!!!!!!!!!
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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Barnarov, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: ---
My Plans for tomorrow: In the mood I'm in now: probably suicide ... but I'm hoping it won't be quite as bad as that ...

On The Verge Of Insanity!

I actually feel like I'm going insane soon - woke up with an even worse headache today, and it has faithfully stayed with me throughout the day! *deep sigh*
I know I often get headaches and migraines, and I can live with that, but when they are this persistent, I start loosing it!! Not only does everything in my life go to Hell because I can't do anything at all, I'm going crazy since I'm always in pain, constantly, except for the few hours every night when I can sleep!
I've tried everything I can think of to get rid of it and absolutely nothing works!
I don't really know where it's coming from either. Best guess would be it's stress related of course, that I've been feeling apathic and low for a long time and not getting anything done, and now I'm freaking out because nothing has gotten done ... and so: headache ...
But you'd think it would disappear some time ... I've had it for five or six days straight now, and I don't know for how much longer I can cope!

I went for a walk this evening, I really like walking along the ocean and I've been trying to get down there to catch a lovely sunset, but aparently the days are getting very much shorter now, because I'm always a little late. This walk turned out to be quite a project though ... I brought my camera, but I only managed to get three - not so great - photos before the batteries was depleted! *sigh*
I didn't feel like going home straight away, even though it was full storm by the ocean, it did make me feel less of my headache. I thought I'd take a walk along the seaside for a little while, and then take a bus home. I did start to walk, but it turned into a longer walk than I had anticipated, because there were no trails leading up to the road where the bus goes! I walked for about half an hour (in storm!) by the seaside, before I got up onto the street ... only to see the taillights of the bus who just passed me! I wasn't that tired, so I thought I'd continue walking for a while, I was in a neighborhood I hadn't been before and I always enjoy walking in new places.
I continued walking for about 15-20 minutes before realizing that the road I was on had twisted and turned a lot, and I was a fair way from home ... so I finally decided on taking a bus the rest of the way!





I have been feeling a little bit better tonight, but that has been a pattern for the last few days - that I feel better at night, go to sleep and wake up with a headache ... *sigh*
Guess all I can do is hope for a change ... some day ...

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Offren, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: Prólogo/El Obispo De Digne - Les Misérables Spanish Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: Don't know - depends on my head!

Where To Begin ....?

Yes, I am not really sure what to make of my blog entry today actually.
I really felt better last night, it felt good to get things out here in the blog, I managed to get around doing a few minor things I've been putting off ...

And when I woke up this morning, I did feel better!! Things have been tough lately, and I have been suffering from a constant headache for several days, but I did feel better this morning, I didn't feel much of the headache and I felt a motivation to get things done and a confidence about the future, that I would be able to get things to work out.
Until I got out of bed and started walking toward the bathroom (meaning my "good" feelings got to last about 2 minutes or so) ... when the headache really struck me!

I know I have been bad at getting things done lately, and maybe that can be put down to simple laziness or whatever, but I do know that I can not function when I am in constant pain! No matter what, I can not get things done or be efficient, it's just not possible. But even though I know this I can't stop feeling sad and upset about this happening, especially now when things are tough enough as they are! I know I'm trying every possible cure for headaches I can think of and nothing works, but I still know that I "waste" valuable time when I should have been cleaning or doing laundry or - most of all - studied!!

I still had to go to Lund today, to meet with my mentor (I was going to return a book at the library as well, but discovered that I could renew my loan on the internet - very nice and smooth!). It was great seeing her, we went to a really nice museum with some very cool exhibitions, but my headache was undoubtedly making it's prescence known ...

I think I have been feeling a little bit better tonight, there are actually small periods of time (like a minute here, two minutes there) when I don't feel any pain ... and it's been quite a while since I took any pain medication now, so I'm really, really, really hoping that this will get better now!! I have wasted so many days, I don't really know what to do if I never get well from this. I can't spend the rest of my life with persistent headaches, can I?! *sigh*

Oh yeah, one small thing before I sign off.
I haven't spent that much time on eBay lately - except for looking for Stargate SG-1 dvds *lol* - but I have no discovered they have this really cool "My World" page there for each member! Feel free to check out mine: http://myworld.ebay.com/jessiezorro I have a guestbook and everything! *lol*
You can also blog on this page ... and as I am a true blog-o-holic I couldn't pass up the chance of getting yet another blog! :) :) However ... this blog will be completely eBay focused! I will not update it very often, only if I have something eBay related to write about - if I have bought something, if I want to buy something, if I'm selling stuff etc.
Here's the URL for that blog: http://blogs.ebay.com/jessiezorro

Take care guys!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Terrorns finger, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: ---
My Plans for tomorrow: Don't know - depends on my head!!!!!

Okay ... Here We Go!

Hey guys!

I realize I will not be nominated for the Best Blogger Awards for my last entries ... the understatement of the year, right?!
I know my blog entries have been short and not very interesting to read, and even though I've suffered a major headache from 9 a.m. this morning to about 6 p.m. I'm at least going to try to really get back into blogging for real now.

Okay, fact of the matter is, I haven't been feeling great lately! I don't have an explanation for it, which is very frustrating, because if you know why things are bad, at least you have a fair chance to make it better. For some reason or other, I have been feeling very apathic lately, and even though I know I should have done things, they have not gotten done. In theory I have all sorts of ideas and great ways of approaching different problems, but for some reason I have not been able to put it to practical use at all - I have ended up sitting in front of the TV instead of doing what I should have been doing.
This of course has purely practical implications, in that things aren't getting done, I keep forgetting things etc, but it's also been very hard on my psyche lately ... I know so well what kind of life I would like to live, how I like my life to be, and while I realize I will have to work hard for that to be, it is hard when I see that days and weeks go by without me doing anything at all!
Today has been really bad, as I've been completely knocked out by my headache ... it never reached the migraine state, but it was enough to keep me laying down all day, which of course made me even more sad and depressed and frustrated about how things have turned out!
I know last semester was horrible too, in all sorts of ways, but at least I knew there was a reason, I knew why I was feeling so bad - this time I don't ....

Anyway ... this was a long - and not very happy - blog entry, but I felt that if I'm going to continue this blogging, I had to come clean about what's been going on. I know I'm being very open and honest in my blog, and that's the way I like to write ... I don't like being very vague (although naturally I can't write openly about everything) and these last blog entries have certainly been vague!
I'm hoping that today was so bad that it doesn't get much worse - although I guess I'm jinxing the hell out of my life only by saying that now! - and that I in fact can start picking up the pieces of my life and hopefully put them together again so they - and my entire life! - will work fairly smoothly again.
Naturally there are no guarantees, there are lots of times during these past few weeks/months I have thought to myself that 'things can't get any worse, things must start to turn now', and of course they haven't. But at least I have to try to think that a change is possible ... otherwise I might just as well give up, go to bed and don't get up again!

Okay, I think I have fulfilled my purpose with this entry now. Part of it was of course to let you know what has been going on, and why my recent entries have been so strange, but I also intended this entry to be some sort of "status report", to clearly and openly and "officially" state that: This is the way things have been and are at the moment, becuase if I can clearly grasp that myself, maybe I am better equipped for trying to change it. I do write a lot in my regular - private - diary, but so far that hasn't helped much, so I thought that maybe if I write about this for everyone to see and read, that might give me an incentive to try even harder to change my current situation!

My head now feels like it's been chopped into pieces - I have no idea if this entry made any kind of sense whatsoever - but at least I feel like I have cleared my mind a little, so I guess it was at least good for that ... :)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the big news! *lol* I think I made a real bargain on eBay today! I have recently been completely obsessed by Stargate SG-1 and tried looking for dvds on eBay. They are not that expensive, and I quickly realized that if I could save enough money to buy the collection box with all ten seasons, that would be even better! I've been looking around, since it's not always easy to find sellers who ship international, and the shipping costs vary a lot (the cheapest shipping cost for the entire box set I've seen was $9.99, the most expensive was $70 ... oookay ...). Anyway, after checking this out for about a week or 10 days or so, I figured that I would be able to get the whole box set for just under $300 (almost all auction ended up there, either by a lot of bids at the last minute, or by high shipping cost), but that still felt fairly cheap for ten seasons!
($300 is just under 2000 SEK, which means every season would cost about 200 SEK ... the first seasons have been released here, and cost 450-500 SEK!!)
Then today, I managed to find a totally friendly seller - he originally wouldn't ship outside the US, but we emailed and discussed and whatnot, and finally agreed - and for the entire box set including shipping to Sweden, I paid $215 ... which is under 1400 SEK!!! SO COOL!

Now I've been writing for ages, I'll finish off with some lovely photos!
The first ones were taken on 7 October - amazing that the roses are blooming so late!!!





And I took these photos last night ... I know they are really blurry, but I couldn't very well use the flash, and I didn't have anything to steady the camera with ....




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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Glitter, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 9)
Currently listening to: Brother for Sale, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting my mentor, cleaing, studying