Intense start!

Feels like this semester sure got off with a bang ... I'm not complaining though, I love being where I am in my life right now, but when a lot of stuff happens at the same time, I tend to be a little nervous about how to cope with everything!

First things first, at the beginning of last week I found I will be able to work as a mentor again, during the first half of this semester! :) It won't the Hebrew course I've been working on before, but a course in Bible Studies, so first there is five weeks Old Testament studies, then five weeks New Testament studies.
We didn't know if were going to have a mentor at all on this course, and it was talks about having a part-time mentor on it (so I had figured that IF I would get it, I'd probably get to have about 4-5 mentor meetings during the entire course) - but when I got the email from my supervisor, it turns out I can have 10 (!) meetings! Cool! (And a little bit scary ...)

During the week, I think I have tried to do a "set-up" for at least the beginning of the semester, so even though I guess it hasn't been that busy, it feels like it, since I know what is to come! :)
I emailed the two Bible Studies-teachers, the OT teacher is the same as on the Hebrew course, I know her and very much enjoy working with her - I "sort of" know the NT teacher too, but I emailed him and properly introduced myself, and we'll be having a meeting about a week before his course starts.
I met the OT teacher on Thursday, and while I had been a bit nervous about working as a mentor since this would be a "new" course for me (I took it myself about 3½ years ago), most of my nervousness went away with that meeting. I became really inspired and motivated and I really hope I can do a good job as a mentor on this course as well!

After that meeting, we had a lunch meeting with all the mentors as the Department and our supervisors, signed contracts etc. It was a nice meeting and we also got lists of the students that probably will take the courses where we are mentors - and I have 28 names on my list! Yikes! The Hebrew group usually ends up being 12-14, so say 6-7 on mentor meetings! :)
Will be a bit of challenge to see how large the mentor group will be on this course!

I also emailed the OT professor as I need to talk to him about my master's thesis, see that I'm going in the right direction with that ...

So next week WILL be busy:
Monday morning, introduction to the Bibles Study course, where I need to introduce myself and the mentor activity (hopefully things will work out with schedules too, I made one last week, but I still haven't heard back from the lady who'd make sure we had a room to be in!).
On Monday afternoon I'm meeting with the professor, so I feel I should have something to say to him as well, which takes some preparations.

Nothing planned on Tuesday except for studies and I have to have a talk to the building supervisor where I live about a few things that aren't working properly.

Wednesday morning, it's Bible Studies lectures and straight after that, the first mentor meeting ... So that takes some preparation too, and of course I'm hoping it will be okay, with a decent turnout.
Right after lunch I have to "registration roll call" (or whatever you're supposed to call it) - basically it's students taking Advanced Level courses (sort of) and writing Advanced Level essays that needs to be registered - and these events are always SO messy ... so I can't say that I'm looking forward to that either, to be honest.

Thursday, no plans apart from my own studies, but on Friday it's time for the first Bible Studies seminar, and after that I'm having lunch with a friend ...

And I might have forgotten a few things ... *phew*

This ended up being quite a long entry, but I would like to finish off by saying a bit more about my upcoming internet project(s).
I have been getting a few comments regarding the fact that I will be switching from English to Swedish with the release of my new website and blog - and I have also started going more Swedish on Facebook. I have mixed feelings about this, but I have thought about it a lot.
I don't want to loose touch with my non-Swedish speaking friends, obviously, but I do find it very difficult to write in English these days.

When I started this blog, it was mostly focused on how I coped with everyday situations - I was coming back from sick leave, still had lots of anxiety and social phobia problems, and I found it almost easier to write in English, as I felt I almost "detached" myself a bit from my situation by writing in English and explaining things in more general terms.
Things have changed quite a bit for me during these past few years. I still struggle with anxiety from time to time, but right now my life is centred very much around the University, around my education, my situation there and all that that involves - and that makes it difficult to write in English.
I am not at all familiar with University and education terminology meaning I have to look up a lot of words when I'm writing a blog entry or updating my status on Facebook. Almost all the time I feel that I'm not getting a proper translation, meaning I constantly feel a need to explain and clarify what I mean - and to be honest, I'm not comfortable with that.
I also feel that my Swedish speaking friends some times miss out, because I am describing a situation they are very familiar with, but due to my translating it into English and they translating it back to Swedish, they sometimes don't get what I mean ...

Like I said, I don't want to loose touch with my friends, but I feel like that kind of contact might be held through Facebook messages and/or emails.

I have made my decision regarding this, and naturally I hope you all respect that. With this entry I just wanted to let you know that I'm not doing this on a whim, I have thought a lot about this and I have my reasons for it.
And you will be able to stay here with me at least until September 20 - and I am NOT deleting this blog - so there might be some English entries in the future as well! You'll never know! :)

Settling In Difficulties

As usual when I've been away for the summer (well, almost anyway) I find it difficult to get back into my life. I know it's like that every year but it still bothers me a lot - actually more now than before as I have some plans for the future and I would like to start putting things into action.

I apologize for the vagueness but I'm still not sure what will happen so I don't want to divulge too much, just in case I won't reach the goals I'm setting for myself. I will however get back to this in the future, IF things seem to be going in the right direction. :)

I'm hoping to get started with a more active part of my life tomorrow, which includes this and that - I'm hoping I'll be able to go Uni and get started on my master's thesis again. I probably have to email the professor in about two weeks and it would definitely be good to feel I have gotten a fair bit of work done before then.

There are also a number of things I want/need/shall do and fix now, that has been set aside over the summer, so hopefully I can discipline myself enough to really get it done!

I am also thinking about an internet project now, but I will get back to you on that later on. I think I'm going to need my friends and blog followers point of views and ideas for this, so stay tuned! :)

Difficult Times

I've been going through a few difficult days now, which is why I haven't been blogging. I'm trying to make a lot of changes in my life, and they are not easy to make. I'm learning some hard truths about myself, and that isn't always easy either. Therefore I am struggling a lot with myself and my attitude to a lot of things in my life now and that is taking a lot of energy.
I know this is the right thing to do right now, I am at a time and place in my life where I need to make these changes, and I also think I am mature enough and have come far enough to actually make them - but like I said earlier, they don't come easy, that's for sure.

I'm trying to maintain my normal life at the same time, meaning I am often very tired and bordering on exhausted, and I just hope I can see this through. I know that all of this will be put on pause when I go back to the summerhouse, because when I'm there and when I'm spending time with my families, I simply cannot work with myself the way I can when I'm at home. Therefore I'm also hoping to come as far as possible now, before going back there - but I still don't know when that will be.
My Dad and his family will come here for a few days first, sort of a mini-vacation, and then we'll all go back together, but they haven't decided on when they're going to come here yet - they have a lot on their plate and there's also the weather to consider - we can't be cooped up in my little apartment, all five of us, if it constantly rains ...

I'm hoping to be able to do a bit more of blogging before going back to the summerhouse, but a lot depends on how I'm feeling.

10 Year Anniversary!

Yes, yesterday was a bit of an anniversary for me, as it was 10 years ago I moved to southern Sweden! (Skåne) I basically felt a bit like I needed to break free, to start standing on my own two feet (better late than never?) and on top of that I wanted to start studying Theology, and the two major cities to do that then was Lund and Uppsala - so it was Lund.

Apparently things didn't go too well at the beginning, and after about six months here I ended up on sick leave - for four years!! Still, no matter how difficult it was, I never even contemplated moving back ... I think something has always told me this was the place where I am supposed to be, and now, ten years later, I'm certain of that!! I really really feel good here, I feel I have found my place and even though things aren't always perfect (duh!) I really don't want to leave here unless I have to! :)

I took a 2 hour walk yesterday even to try to think a few things through, as there is a lot of things going on now, and some things aren't working out so great - and after that walk, and a lot of thinking and personal writing this morning, I think I do feel a little better. And I have to share some photos from my walk - I just love living my the ocean! :-)





This week is REALLY intense, I have to finish a report on my master's thesis by Wednesday, as I have a meeting with the professor on Thursday, and early Friday morning I go to the summerhouse. First stay will be about two weeks, then I'll go back here for a while, before going back there again. So I also have to clean my apartment, do laundry, book tickets, go to the Bank - and then some ...
I guess I'd better get on with it thought, right? :)
I hope I can make a few more entries here before I leave, because then I'll be basically without internet access for two weeks ...

Moving On!

Okay, new week ... but I have a feeling the intensity won't let up that much! :)

Today was a fairly "slow" day though. I did get up early, but I had a LOT of personal writing to go through. I try to change the way in which I write now, as I feel it would be beneficial to not go into so much detail, but it still took a long time to go through the end of last week.

I ended up having to cut my writing session in short, and I went to Lund and Uni around lunch time. Once I got to the Department, I started reading interpretation-texts, as the OT course are having seminars on their written interpretations this week.
I got through tomorrow's interpretation-texts and I also printed the B.A. essay I was supposed to read, before going home.

Unfortunately I've been REALLY tired this afternoon, so I haven't gotten as much done as I'd hoped today, but I guess that's not very strange considering last week was quite intense ....

I do need to "speed up", however, if I am to cope with the week to come.
Tomorrow I'm attending an OT B.A. Essay seminar, a student who took the OT course last year is presenting his B.A. Essay on Gideon and the Book of Judges, and I'd love to attend! After that, the OT course have their interpretation seminars, two interpretations between 10 and 12 and two between 1 and 3 - and the same thing applies for Wednesday and Thursday - and I'd really like to be at least a bit prepared for the seminars ... so yes, this week will be busy.
I also need to start hunting for Exodus commentaries - found a bunch of them on Amazon.com, so I really need to get started on my own work as well this week! :)

I apologize for the very short entry (some contrast to the last one, right? *lol*), but I'm SO tired now ... I'll try to get some sleep now, and get an early morning tomorrow instead!

Take care!

Long Time No See!

Not quite sure why there hasn't been any blogging lately - I guess I'll have to try to make sure May will be a better blog-month! :)

Last week was pretty tough for me, when basically everything went wrong. I've been feeling allergies a lot this week, and I've been very tired and had difficulty breathing at times - and I also went through a more or less chronic headache which started on Monday and ended last night ...

Two things actually made this week okay ... on Thursday afternoon I had a meeting at the University that went really well. I had my doubts about a lot of things regarding this meeting, but in the end I think it went exceptionally well, and I'm happy about that.

And of course, on Friday night I went to see Sara and Johanna, which was AGES ago!! We've actually tried to get together since January but it's been impossible to find a date that worked for all three of us. I didn't feel really well during the day (which included lectures and a mentor meeting - and a mentor tutorial which was at the same time as the mentor meeting - quite confusing!) - and I almost didn't make it to Sara as the bus I was on got stuck in traffic! But once I got there, I just had a blast!
It's amazing how it doesn't matter how long it's been since we've seen each other - we just hit it off right away, no matter what!! It's fantastic! Sara and I saw each other last summer, and we were all on Sofiero (with Martin and Per) in June, but the three of us met last January/February, after my birthday ... last year!! *yikes*
I also can't help but be amazed since Sara and Johanna were the first people I actually really started talking to and spend time when I came back to University studies - it's really cool that we've stayed such good friends!
We've had a lovely time with lots of yummy food - and even more laughing! *LOL* I had my mind set on not staying too long since I hadn't been feeling well ... but when I came home it was almost 1 a.m. - yikes! :)

Now I'm hoping for a better week ahead - it's filled with challenges for me personally which always tends to make me nervous, but there are a lot of good things involved as well, so I'm hoping it will turn out okay.
Tomorrow I'm attending a seminar where an essay (for a Bachelor of Theology Degree, I think...) is presented. While I'm not in this seminary group, the essay is in Old Testament Studies, on Ruth, and I think it's okay for me to attend! :)

Right after the seminar, there's a "regular" lecture in the OT course, this time on Isa. 40 - and I can't stress enough how interesting and rewarding these lectures are, I am always looking forward to them.

After that I'll spend a couple of hours working on my own essay (!), then I have to do some shopping and when I get home, hopefully, I'll have at least some energy left so I can keep up with my own work! :)

Not So Much

Can't say that I have that much to write about today ...
Been spending most of the day reading the book for the OT lecture tomorrow - and I quite enjoyed it!! Since I won't take active part in the discussions I haven't read every detail of the book, but what I grasped of it, I quite liked. I am very much looking forward to the discussions tomorrow!

Other than that I've been doing some cleaning and trying to sort through what is up for next week.
On Tuesday I have a meeting with the OT professor regarding my master's thesis, and I hope it will be a good meeting. I am working on it now as well, but I need to work out a lot of practical details now and it's also good to get the whole writing process more structured.

On Wednesday the construction workers are coming back! *SIGH!* Apparently there's something they haven't done yet, but I plan to stay well away from home ... I'm in for a full day at Uni on Wednesday and hopefully everything will be sorted out by the time I get home. The OT students have their first exam on Wednesday morning, so I might be able to be there for some moral support as well! :)

And then it's Easter Holidays! I'm not that into holidays overall (I mostly don't like them!) and I don't have anything planned, so hopefully I can get some work done on my thesis and also look ahead a bit at what the OT course will deal with - they start reading Isaiah the week after Easter, and those texts are quite difficult, so I'm hoping to spend some time on that too ...

Thinking, Reflecting and Cleaning

Well, the title pretty much sums up the last few days for me. :)

I've been doing quite a lot of thinking and reflecting about things, I need to do that every once in a while if I'm not to get lost and loose focus in my life - and while I have found it difficult to really take the time to do that (I tend to write, a lot!) these past few months, I've had some pretty good sessions now - and hopefully that will do me good in a longer perspective as well!

I have also managed to make a really thorough apartment cleaning this weekend! I'm not done with everything, but at least I don't have that much left, and hopefully I'll get through those bits and pieces during the week to come.

I have a feeling I'm going to go into a more intense period now, and I honestly think I'm up for it now! 2010 ended really badly, and 2011 haven't started out all that well, but I am really starting to feel better in a lot of areas, and hopefully that will continue, and I will be able to apply my thoughts and ideas on the more practical aspects of my life now.

Bringing all this down from this abstract level: Tomorrow I'm going to have to find the construction workers as there are things not working out - STILL!! They're not even in my building any more but apparently things can still go wrong! *sigh*
After that I'm off to Uni as the second half of the Old Testament/Hebrew course starts tomorrow - and hopefully I can spend the afternoon doing some work on my own.

Oh, and I have to say: I love my new Sammy computer! We get along sooo well! *lol*
I've managed to download/install most of the programmes I usually use, and it has worked like a charm. I had the "old" Office package, Office 2007, which is really for Windows XP and Windows Vista, and Sammy has Windows 7, so I wasn't sure if that would work : But it did! :)
Also have an old version of Photoshop that I love using for digi.scraps and graphics, and it worked like a charm here as well. I even managed to get a whole lot of brushes from my really old computer onto this one (I didn't even have them on my old laptop!) so I hope to have time for some scrapping and graphics soon! :)

What Lies Ahead!

Finally things seems to be fairly back on track, hopefully nothing will collapse any time soon! :)

My fall has been very uncertain and even though some things have been cleared up now, there are still some uncertainties.
This summer I found out that the Department was announcing a temporary job opening as a student counsellor, and while I don't really qualify, I still felt I had enough competence to apply ... and that of course would determine a lot about this fall. The other day I got a letter from the Head of the Department, saying I didn't get it - which didn't exactly come as a surprise to me! I do know him, he's a professor in New Testament Exegesis, and I've had him as a teacher on several courses, and he sent a really nice little note with the letter! :)

So at least now I know I won't be working this fall ... I also know that I have to finish my Master's Thesis this semester, hopefully within the year. I also have about 10 weeks worth of studies left to catch up with as well ... and therein lies the problem.
From the beginning I was meant to take this one course last semester, and it was a mess and didn't work out at all. It seemed like maybe I didn't have to take it either, and to be frank, it's got nothing to do with my own interests and speciality, so of course I wouldn't mind being able to do something a bit more useful instead. The problem is that nobody seems to be able to give an answer, and to be frank: I need to know what I'm going to do now! Right?!
I've been in contact with two student counsellors and my hope lies with one of them who has said she'll try to find out for sure this time ... I just hope it won't take too long!

I've had a bit of a rough start this week, but at least I'm feeling better now, and I guess that's the main thing right. I'm going to try to get started on my Master's Thesis, as that is the only thing I definitely know I have to do, so hopefully I get get a bit done on that this week ...

And I also hope I can keep this blog alive ... an increase in visitors would be cool too as we're closing in on the 4-year-anniversary! :D

Still Alive - Kinda!

I really was trying to update this blog on a more regular basis, but these last few weeks my life has been a complete roller coaster!! Some really good stuff has happened, and some really bad stuff, and in my head it's just one major confusion!!

Easter this year wasn't ... well, let's just say it wasn't the best thing that's ever happened to me (no major crisis but still not-so-great), but I seem to have made that my low point, because even though not everything is super-great now, I think I have generally started coping better after the holidays! (What can I say, I don't like holidays, period!)

My main problem right now is I'm constantly exhausted!! I try to eat a lot of vitamins but no, I don't get out much or exercise as much as I should, basically because I can't find the time! It's a vicious circle, no doubt, because if I took the time, maybe I should feel better and have more energy to get things done, but since I feel I don't have the time, I'm constantly tired and it's getting really tough to get things done!!

I'm in for tough times ahead as well ... I have an oral exam in ONE WEEK - which is VERY frightening as I have SO MUCH STUFF to get through until then ... so basically that's all I'm doing now. It's a course on the end of The Gospel of Mark (chapters 11-16), so it's all the Greek text (which is a lot!!), one commentary, another book and an article ... *gulp*
I'm living, breathing, eating and sleeping The Gospel of Mark now, and I hope I'll be able to make this exam work out.
Also, it's for a teacher I've never had before, so I have no idea what level he wants to keep it on, what expectations he's going to have ... so that adds to the anxiety.

After that I'm going to complete my first level thesis, which I'm hoping shouldn't be THAT difficult, it's basically a matter of sitting down and getting it done. One problem ... yes ... I have to go through an entire book in German! I too German in high school, but Good Lord, that's a very long time ago. I can "kinda" get through it, but not in a really satisfactory way. Still, I know I'm gonna need to be able to do this if I'm going to continue the way I want to, so I guess it's just a matter of dealing with it, park myself in the library with a thick old German-Swedish dictionary and hope for the best! :)
I also have to start thinking about my master's thesis in a more substantial way than before. The plan now seems to lean toward writing it during the summer, which means I have to have a really detailed plan for that before summer starts and my professor heads off on vacation.

Still have the Religion, tradition, communication course to contend with now. I can't even remember how much I've written about that MESS here, but I have no energy to get into it now. It was a huge big mess which resulted in the fact that I have some complementary work to do there, but it seems to take a while before I find out what ... I don't like that either, I'd rather know what I have to do than having it come down as a great big surprise all of a sudden ...

If I can start feeling a little more energetic in the future I'm hoping to keep updating this blog - but as it's been now, I just haven't coped. When I get home around 6 p.m. (I always leave at 6.40 a.m. in the morning now) I'm like a zombie, I can barely cope to get something to eat before collapsing in front of the TV - which isn't good as I should get at least a few hours of studying done at home as well ...
But, let's hope I can get some more energy soon. Unfortunately, spring time has never been good for me ... and I can get a bit frustrated (though I mean no harm of course) at everyone being completely ecstatic about spring and the light and the warmth and the beautiful flowers - as I tend to have my worse moods during spring ...

Now it's best I get back to Mark ... take care!
Oh by the way, I realized I still have a lot of "favourite-photos" that didn't make it to the blog. I'll give you all of them now, enjoy! :)

Busy Day!

It sure has been an intense Sunday, that's for sure. I'm really tired now, so I guess I'm in for an early night (not a bad thing, considering I have an early morning tomorrow).

I've been doing a real spring cleaning, well, not all of it today, but certainly most of it. Since I haven't been feeling well for a while, things like domestic work has been almost entirely ignored ... which meant that my spring cleaning took some doing!!
I've basically ignored my bedroom - I have SO much stuff in there I need to go through, sort out, sell or in some other way get rid of, and there's no possible way I'll have time for that now. So the bedroom is an exception ...
But the rest of the apartment is really clean now, I've been moving furniture, tossed all the carpets out on the balcony (let's just say that I'm impressed at what you can fit in a 1.5 square metre balcony *lol*), been scrubbing and cleaning most of everything ...

After that I realized it was high time to pay my bills, I've been doing some preparations for a meeting I have tomorrow, took care of a tradera-payment and I also went through the Old and New Testament exams. Both groups had their exam on Friday and I had the teachers send me the exams so I could take a look at them - "just for fun" (yup, I AM strange, I know!!!).
The OT exam felt pretty okay, I stumbled on a couple of verbs, it took some thinking but I think I did get it sorted out in the end (and yes, I did it under the same circumstances as the students did!).
The NT exam was by far a more humbling experience, that's for sure!! I've been feeling pretty good about the Greek lately, I know Greek comes easier to me than Hebrew does (ironic, isn't it?!?), and I've felt pretty good at lectures ... yeah ... right ...
I know I missed one grammar question (which is sooo not like me as I usually have them sorted out) and I had SO much trouble with the translation. I did get "something" eventually, but it certainly caused me more trouble than I had expected ... so it's not a bad thing I've decided to show up on some more Greek lectures, that's for sure!!

After all this, I'm pretty tired ... and I have a long day tomorrow! NT lecture 8-10, when we start on the Gospel of Mark-course. Then a "break", when I need to do some shopping, and STUDYING, and at 1 o'clock the OT introduction on the second half of the course ("Text and Theology - from Creation to the Prophets"), and when that's finished at 3, I have a meeting with the teacher who will tutor my "reading course" in NT ... I have never had anything to do with him before (I think he's the only one within OT or NT I have never dealt with before, apart from a few NT post graduate students), so I'm not sure what the meeting will bring. Since these courses are individual, the structure of the course is basically up to the teacher ...

I also need to do some shopping on the way home, as well as prep for the mentor meeting on Tuesday - and do the usually baking project (the results have been quite varied, so keep your fingers crossed for me, won't you?).

Considering what lies ahead, I think I'd better start winding down now and try to get as much sleep as possible!
Continuing to share some of my favourite photos ... comments are welcome of course ...:)
Enjoy!

Not So Good!

Yesterday was not really a great day!
I am generally adapting a "better" and much more positive attitude now than I did last year, but I didn't expect everything to magically work out just because we entered 2010!! Naturally there are days that are worse than others, but you have to try to deal with them as well ... which is what I'm trying to do now!

I skipped the Greek lecture yesterday morning and did some of my "own" studies, and it felt pretty okay, it was mostly preparations for the meeting with my professor. At 10 we had an Old Testament lecture, and they are getting started on the real basic grammar now, so I enjoy these lectures a bit more than the strictly introductory lectures!
Afterwards I had coffee with Maria, I get along great with her which is nice as we will be spending a lot of time together this semester. She's taking the OT/Hebrew course where I am mentor, and I'm voluntarily attending the NT/Greek course where she's mentor! :)

I did get about 1½ hours of studying done after our coffee break, I went over my notes for the afternoon meeting and studied some Greek, and at 2 I met with my professor. I can't say the meeting went well, although I guess it wasn't a complete disaster either. I'm happy I get along so well with him, because otherwise I think I would have been even more depressed. We basically discussed both my master's thesis and my 1st level ... the smaller one needs some major reworking, which I hadn't quite anticipated, and while I'm very happy about getting a pretty clear direction in which to go regarding the master's thesis, I still have a lot of mixed feelings! Life is very confusing!

I felt pretty ... well ... confused after the meeting, but Maria and I went for another coffee (I think I drank more coffee than I ate food yesterday, that's probably not all that good, right?), and it was nice to be able to talk a bit ....

The afternoon did not turn out as planned though!
I was supposed to make a detailed schedule for the rest of this week, I feel like I need to plan every minute of every day now - including showers and bathroom breaks, well almost anyway! - but that did not happen!
First of all, the stupid window people have still not fixed my balcony and I'm getting seriously annoyed with them now ... it feels like it's never gonna get finished.
And later on my computer almost died - AGAIN!!! I don't think it's 100% still, but at least I can use it now! *gulp* I had it on stand-by, but had the lid open (sloppy, I know!). Zorro was going to jump up to the table, but his distance judgement isn't the best now (I think he has some problems with his vision in general too, the hassles of getting old, right?) ... I don't know what happened as I was in the other room, but apparently he must have somehow landed in a bad way on top of the keyboard ... which meant that last night, the keyboard was dead!! Not a single key worked. Not good!!!
This morning I started the computer ... it started beeping ... beeping quite a lot - and then it had some problems starting Vista (why would that be affected by my cat jumping (well, sort of!) on the keyboard?????! I do not understand computers!!!), but I got it started - and now the keyboard works ... pretty much except one key ....
But I am getting tired of this computer not working now ... especially since I didn't get much, or that great, help last time it broke! :(

At least I'm up in time today - though I have a throbbing headache I've been trying to cure since 3.45 a.m. ... don't quite know how to get through this day but it'll have to work, somehow ...

Plans for today, before I start getting ready:
Greek lecture at 8 ... it's kind of fun because when I looked at the sentences we're doing now, I pretty much remember almost all of it - not quite, but pretty much ... that felt pretty comforting.
After that I have another lecture, in my "real" course, Religion, Tradition and Communication (it's such a long title, I'm gonna start using RTC for it, I think!), and I'm a bit nervous about that too. It's a mandatory course on the master's programme, but I'm really not that interested or motivated by it, and that feels a bit scary ...
I have "lunch" for an hour - will probably study - and then there's a registration thing for those of us writing some form of thesis and/or taking a so called reading-course ... they've done one single event for basically all students who will be doing this, so I'm expecting a great big mess - also, one of our student counsellors have recently quit ....
After that I probably will have to stay for at least a couple of hours to get some 'real' studying done as well ....
So, another long day!

But now I have to get ready, or I'll miss my train!

22,000 + Busy Monday!

I can happily report we just passed 22,000 visitors - yay! :) It's really cool that this blog has been doing so well for such a long time - especially for the last six months or so, when I haven't been great at updating it!!

As I mentioned earlier, I'm taking a few minutes at Uni to do an update on my activities, seems that's the only way I'm going to keep this blog going right now!

Yesterday was a pretty good and very busy day!

I left home as usual, about 6.45 a.m. *yawn* and arrived at Uni a bit before 8. I checked on some mentor stuff as we were having the first meeting later that afternoon - and discovered that the lists of registered students were absent. I figured my supervisor hadn't arrived yet, so I went upstairs to wait for a Greek lecture. Just as the lecture was going to start my supervisor arrived, so I managed to talk to her and she would check on the lists.

Greek lecture was okay, it's really a great way to freshen up on what I actually did learn at one point and have forgotten a lot of now! :) And to be honest, I think I'm gonna need it for my NT course later on this spring.
We were done about 10, I did some stuff in the library and studied a bit for my (smaller) essay - I'm having a meeting with my professor regarding both my 1st level and my master's thesis today, so I did a bit of prepatory work for that!

About 12.30 I met with the teacher of the OT course where I'm mentor, I had some questions regarding the mentor meeting and wanted to make sure we actually say the same thing - otherwise the students will get even more confused than they already are! :)
Time went by quickly and at 1.15 we had the OT lecture. It's still a bit too early in the course for me to feel it really rewarding, but I do enjoy it, I have to admit that!

During the break I went to make coffee and stuff for the mentor meeting, and I also met my other mentor supervisor and talked to her for a little while.
The OT lecture ended at 3 and straight afterwards we held the mentor meeting. 7 students showed up which felt okay, though it is a rather large group ... and I think the meeting went well. A bit of practial questions first, some talks about the course in general, and some Hebrew excercises toward the end! :)
I know, in my mind, that the meeting went well, but it seems I'm never pleased with it in my heart. Don't know what that is really, maybe it's a lot of insecurities left over from last year ...?

I didn't get home until about 5.30 and was really nervous! I was meant to have construction workers finish the window stuff on my balcony on Friday - they didn't show up!! I don't want them in the apartment with Zorro when I'm not there but now I had no choice, so I put a note on the door saying they would have to basically "beware of the cat"! *lol* The note was gone, but they hadn't done anything on my balcony! VERY weird!! And annoying!! I'm getting seriuosly frustrated as they have been coming and going with the windows for 2 months now!! That can't be normal, right?!
Finding this out when I got home pretty much drained what little energy I had left, so I went to bed really early and actually had a good night's sleep.

And now I'm back at Uni! :)
I'm working on my writings now, for the meeting with the professor - skipped the Greek lecture as there won't be any new grammar until tomorrow, but will attend Hebrew (of course!).
That - and the meeting with the professor this afternoon - is basically the plans for today! :)

Trying To Get A Grip ...

Been a few tough days now ... sort of anyway!
I spent most of yesterday at Uni, which was okay in itself, even though there were lots of things I should have gotten done there, that didn't happen. I always get very frustrated when I plan to do something and it for some reason doesn't work out.

The big thing yesterday was the seminar ... I might be overreacting but for me it's a big thing. It's basically the post-graduate seminar for the Old Testament, New Testament and Patristic that meet once a week. I will eventually present my master's thesis there (as there are no other students writing their master's thesis now), so therefore it was suggested I attend. Yesterday was probably the first "real" seminar I went to (I have gone once before, but it was a bit ... special ...), a guy was presenting his initial thoughts on a dissertation about ethics, characterization and imitation in the Gospel of Luke, and there was a discussion around that.
I have no idea what's expected of me here, but right now I don't feel comfortable taking part in discussions at all!!! It all seems to be waaay over my level! Luckily I have a friend who's joined me these two times, it's a bit easier when we are two students there, although I suspect she won't go every time.
Anyway - the seminar in itself was quite interesting! Some parts I didn't quite grasp, but others gave me a lot, also lots of general thoughts and ideas that I'm probably going to be able to use in my own studies and writings!

This morning I discovered my laptop had given up!!!! I really really love it and I've only had it for about 9 months, so it feels pretty horrible that it's not working. For some reason it refuses to start Windows, and there's a problem with the User Profiles or something. I'm completely clueless when it comes to computer, but I think I should have the telephone number to the computer support - I only have to try and find a time to actually call them, and see if they can help! I really hope so - I have managed to get internet going on my stationary computer, but it's sooooo slow and I really can't cope with only this computer!! I definitely need the laptop to get started on my writing!!

Tomorrow I'm meeting my professor, regarding the first level thesis I'm supposed to be writing. I'm really looking forward to the meeting, because I'm completely stuck. I keep having sooo many thoughts in my head, and not a single one of them seems to be something I can work with. I usually get really motivated after having met my professor, and he's really good at getting me to see things from different angles and not get stuck in just one thought pattern - and I'm guessing that's exactly what I'll need to get going again!

Slow Weekend!

This weekend has been a bit more slow than I had hoped! I was kind of down yesterday, but has had a much better day today, which feels really good. Not least because I have a pretty heavy and intense week ahead of me, and it is always good to go into an intense week not feeling exhausted from the beginning! :)

I've been doing some cleaning and clearing today, I'm still having my "redecorating-the-bedroom-and-therefore-a-lot-of-other-stuff-as-well" project going on, it's slow but coming a long a little at least.
The cleaning part is also good to have done (I have a little left though) as I'm going to have to have someone come here this week to fix my bathroom lamp ... and it's a plus if they can come in through the door, right?! :)

Like I said, this week will be intense, partly with practical matters I will have to do and get through, and partly with my thesis, as I have to write almost half of it this week ... that feels a bit scary actually! I have looked at it quite a bit this weekend, and I have a base structure for it - but I'm not sure if my questions really work out in the end. And I don't really have time to write half a thesis only to find out that it's not working and I have to start all over again! *gulp* Still, all I can do is get into it and hope it works out in the end!

I hope you all have had a really good weekend! :)

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: God and the Origin of Evil (F. Lindström)
Currently watching: The X-Files, season 4
Currently listening to: Audiobook: It (swedish)
My Plans for tomorrow: Uni! (and some telephone calls)

Same Old Pattern!

I'm quickly noticing I'm back in my regular pattern, where I kind of hate weekends, but enjoy the weeks! Well, Lena usually tells me I'm nuts (*lol*) when it comes to my studies, guess I can just be nuts all together, right?! :D
For some reason, I can't seem to get weekends I'm happy with no matter how hard I try, and it's actually starting to get to me! I'm studying 150% this semester, and the beginning of next semester will be a LOT worse than that - so I really need to make to most of my weekends as well as weekdays!!! I don't mean I need to study 24/7 (although maybe I do ...), but I need to take care of other things during the weekends ... and right now, I can't seem to do anything at all during weekends. *deep sigh*

To be honest, I'm really happy about the fact that it's Monday tomorrow (yup, definitely nuts!), but I still need to find a way for the weekends to work out as well ... *shakes head*

This week is pretty okay, the first half is pretty intense. Apart from studying a LOT, tomorrow I need to find someone at the Department - badly!! - so I hope I can reach her, and I also have a "lecture" in the afternoon where we'll go through the various Library Databases, to help us search for material when writing essays and such.
Tuesday will be difficult, as I'm attending the "postgraduate seminar" (I'm really horrible at these translations, somehow I need to really learn how to transfer our educational system and terminology to English!!!) ... I will present my master thesis there next year, and it's a really great opportunity to attend - but I know nothing about it whatsoever and I'm quite anxious about it. Still, I really want to do this, so I just have to work my way through it!

I'm hoping to do some more translating tonight - it feels like this reading course will never end! - before going to bed ... early morning tomorrow!
I hope you have had a better weekend than me! :)

Weekends = Bad!!

I can't seem to make weekends work out for me no matter what I do! *upset*
Today I've tried everything and a few more things to make it work out, and no matter what I have done, things have gotten worse! :(
I've been in a terrible mood all day, but have really made an effort to change it, to break a pattern, to do stuff ... and nothing has worked!

I don't know what's going on with me and weekends, they just suck!! It's become some kind of weird hang-up for me, and I can't seem to get out of it no matter what I do! Still, things can't go on like that forever either, I have to start making my weekends work ... I just don't know HOW!!! (anybody got any suggestions?!?! *feeling desperate!*)

At least the weekend is over for now, so hopefully the week will work out better ...
My plans for tomorrow are: Old Testament lecture at 10 (haven't made up my mind yet if I'll stay for the whole lecture or just the first half) - then studies in the library, and at 2 I have a meeting with the student counsellor - hopefully he has done his job in writing a letter for me, that way I can finish off my own letter when I get home and start bugging the people responsible for not giving me any money any more ...

That's pretty much all there is ... :)
I'm almost always tired these days, so even though I'd love to watch a movie that's on TV right now, I think I'll go to bed instead!

Forget The Past - Look To The Future!

I think the title says it all! :)
This week has not been good at all, but I have managed to work out most of the problems that have arisen, and now I'm mostly trying to forget all about it! And look to the future ... Which isn't quite as easy as it sounds!

At the moment I'm working on the Greek report, which I'm hoping will be finished by tomorrow night. I can't be sure though, as it's a lot of work left on it ... but at least I can hope, right?!
And after that starts next week, which will be intense to say the least!!

Here's a short summary for you:
On Monday the Old Testament course I will be mentor for has its introduction at 10, and I will be there, following the lecture but also introducing myself as well as the SI-programme (SI=Supplemental Instruction), and I will also set a time for the first mentor meeting, which will be on Wednesday (so hopefully that works out for the students as well).
After that I have some work to do in the library, checking up stuff for the next semester ...
On Monday night we are invited to our Greek teacher for a last celebration, and I'm going to meet up with our mentor at the Department so I can accompany her there (I have a horrible sense of direction and would probably get lost otherwise!).
I think pretty much everyone in our group will be there (at least all of those I've talked to) so I think that can be a pleasant evening.
On Tuesday the main thing will be to plan and shop for the SI-meeting - but I also need to work on stuff for next semester.
Wednesday will be Old Testament lecture (you are supposed to follow 1-2 lectures a week for the course where you are mentor), and after that my premiere as SI-leader! *NERVOUS* Since I happen to have my birthday on Wednesday, I'll probably arrange some cake or something!
Thursday I have the introduction to my essays and reading courses - that shouldn't be too much to worry about, but I should arrange a private meeting with the professor as soon as possible after that!
On Friday all the SI-leaders at the Department have a meeting with the lady responsible for it, we are going to go through schedules, write our contracts and such!
And then I'll probably be dead ... :)

I'm seriously panicking over the mentor thing, but I still REALLY hope I can do something good of it, because I think it's a wonderful opportunity in so many ways! I get to try to be a 'leader', I get an even deeper insight into 'my' subject, I can hopefully work together with the teachers, at least to some extent ... and fact of the matter is - as embarrassing as this is - this will be my first 'real' work EVER! *scary*

Add to all this all the general stuff, such as 'general studies', meeting friends, shopping, cleaning, laundry - and I'll certainly have a busy week, that's for sure!

But at least I got some relaxation today, when Lena came by for a visit, some lunch and a chat! It was really great catching up, it gets a bit easier when we can sit down in peace, instead of being at the Department where you're constantly interrupted by something or someone!

I guess there's no turning back now though - it's back to Paul and the Galatians and the Law and Abraham and the promise and everything else I'm supposed to say something intelligent about!

I hope the rest of you are enjoying your Saturday a bit more than I am! (My favourite company on a Saturday night does NOT include Paul, Novum Testamentum Greace and a Theological Dictionary ...)

Present And Future!

Wow, I think I've actually caught up on my blogging now! Not bad, huh?! :)

This post will let you know what I am up to right now and what lies ahead - since I have a few tough weeks coming up.
Right now I'm writing on the final Greek exam, which is a report on Gal. 3:14-29. I love this form of exams, we are to do an in depth analysis of the text, translate it with a linguistic commentary and then look at what the text says, it's historic meaning in context, it's reception history, what it might mean today etc. That is precisely what I enjoy doing, and what I want to continue doing pretty much forever ... well almost anyway! I certainly don't object to the task, even though it feels a little heavy for a rather short course on basic level. The problem is time!
Right now I suffer a cold, I get pretty high fever at times, my head feels like it's made out of cotton balls and I'm constantly tired - which isn't a good concept for working 24/7! On top of that, things are so intense right now, that I have to stress like an idiot if I'm going to get it done!

On Monday and Tuesday I have the mentor education, and I don't think I have fully grasped that yet! I really want to be a mentor and do a good job of it, but at the same time I'm very anxious and almost filled with panic about it. It's definitely coming a lot closer now too, making the anxiety levels even higher. We're also not taking the education at our Department, because the mentors from the Theology Department will be together with all the mentors of the Faculty ... so I don't even know where I'm supposed to be on Monday morning! *gulp*
Everyone around me is really wonderful and encourages me and ensures me that I'm going to be a fine mentor, and I really, really appreciate that. Wish I could be so sure myself though ...

On Wednesday we have the last Greek lecture, and on Wednesday and Thursday I have to complete my report, pretty much living in the Department library! The deadline is really noon on Friday, but I really would like to go to a seminar on Friday morning. It's the essay seminar I should have gone to, had I finished my essay, and even though I'm not required to go now, a friend of mine will have her essay up for opposition then, and I'd really love to be there. I have been interested in what she's been writing about since I first heard about it, so it would be great if I could be there. But then I have to complete my report by Thursday night.

I don't have anything major planned for that weekend, yet, but on Monday January 19 it starts again! The Hebrew course has its introduction then, and I am expected to be there, introduce myself and suggest a time and place for the first mentor meeting then. That night, there's a dinner at my Greek teacher's house, he invited us all for a good-bye dinner! Very nice initiative, especially since he'll be going to the U.S. on the 21st and teach at Yale!

During that week I will have my first mentor meeting - *panic!* - and that Thursday (the 22nd) I have the introduction to all my courses; both essays and both reading courses, so I should really have some intelligent thoughts regarding all that by then ...

So as you can see, I will keep busy ...
I'm annoyed by the fact that I'm sick, because that makes everything seem much harder than it should otherwise. I'm very nervous about a lot of things going on right now, but somewhere deep down inside me I still have a fragment of confidence telling me that I have come so far now that I can handle this! Unfortunately I have a hard time reaching those feelings when I'm not feeling so good ... Guess all I can do is try to get rid of the cold as best I can and hope for the best!

Now I am going to read about 70 pages of commentary literature on Gal. 3:14-29 and hope I find something I can use for the report!

Take care, I hope you have a great Saturday evening (and hopefully one that's more exciting than mine! *lol*)!!

Holy Hannah!

Wow, this has been a very eventful week, and I have tons to blog about now. I haven't been feeling very well all week (for different reasons) which is why I haven't had the energy to blog ... but I guess I'd better give you an update now!
This entry will be thematic in structure, I think it's easier to do it that way, than in chronological order ... So here we go! :)

The Exam on Wednesday
Yes, Wednesday was the big Greek-day! :) I was in a complete state of panic all day, not sure where that comes from, but I have been feeling terrible just prior to written exams lately. Guess that's not all bad, considering how I did on my last exam though! :) I had planned to get to Uni early and spend the morning studying, but things at home (also studying, but still) ended up taking quite a long time ... and when I got to the Department I met some fellow Greek-students and we ended up having coffee and chatting instead. That's not usually my last-minute-exam-preparation, so that made me even more nervous and hyper!
As for the exam, I have stated to almost everyone that I will not say anything until I get it back! I think it will get way to complicated if I try to make some kind of assessment of it now ... I'm hoping we'll get them back on Monday, so you'll get my thoughts on that then! :)

Some Bad News
The bad news this week is that I'm missing out on mine and Annika's annual Gothenburg-Liseberg-Christmas tradition! :( We usually spend one day in December there, as we don't meet very often, we exchange Christmas presents and just try to get in the Spirit of Christmas as best we can ... but yesterday I got the stomach flu and can now not stay that far away from a bathroom! :( It really sucks - we've had this tradition for a number of years now, and I really wanted to go ... and also, I sooo don't have time to get sick! :( I try to "cure" myself as best I can, but I'm still feeling pretty rotten! :(

Family Related - Some Semi-Bad News
I got some not-so-great news from my Dad the other day. My two little sisters, 'M' and 'I' had been playing together, 'M' is a quite lively four-year-old and she drags 'I' along in wild games. They had been jumping from 'M's bed, and 'I' had landed badly ... the spent an entire day in the Emergency and they thought she might have a broken ankle!! Considering the fact they leave for a 2-week long trip to Florida in two days (!) the timing was the worse possible!! After lots of X-rays and examinations and consultations, it turns out it was "only" a crack in one of the bones of the foot! She's not suppose to support her leg at all though (not easy explaning that to a 2-year-old though!), and there were talks of having to cancel their trip!! They will be going now though, they got clearance from the doctors, but I imagine the trip will be a bit rough considering someone will have to carry her pretty much around the clock ...
I talked to my Dad again yesterday, and she seems to be doing a little better - so I'm hoping they can still enjoy their trip!!

What About Studies?!
Okay, here's an update on studies ... On Thursday morning, I accompanied Lena on an essay seminar. I really had nothing to do with it, as it was a seminar for Systematic Theology and History of Christianity (sorry, these are my translations, so the subjects might have another 'official' English translation), but Lena had invited me, and I really wanted to see how a seminar like this worked, as this is what I'll be doing with my own essay in January. And it was good to have been there! I felt the seminar wasn't great at all ... actually ... it was completely non-structured, and confusing and strange, but that gave me an idea of what I don't want to experience (and from what I can tell, our seminar will be more structured)! It also gave me great ideas on how to perform both as an opponent on another essay and as a respondent on my own! I have gotten tips from other before, but it is something completely different to actually see it for yourself! So even though I didn't like the seminar as such, it was really good to have been there.
I the afternoon we had the introduction to our next Greek-course, on The Galatians. I was completely exhausted so even though this was more theological than linguistic, I didn't get much of it ... The general structure of the course is yet to be determined, as this was a general introduction, but I have made up my mind on how to study these two weeks before Christmas holidays, and I hope I can make it work.
The idea is to show up on Greek lectures (we have added lectures as well, so I think there are 8 or 9 left before the holidays), but not do anything else. I will not prepare text or read the literature, and the reason for this is two-fold. Partly, it's because of the examination on this course. We will not have a regular written exam, but instead to an interpretation-report on part of the Galatians. This is something we do at home, and it will include both a language-oriented part (we have to do a translation of the text and motivate it) and a theological part, where we use various commentaries and literature - and fact of the matter is, this is something I can do without having to prepare for every single lecture! The other reason is that I have to write the major part of my essay in less than two weeks!!!! I have a pretty good idea of what needs to be done, but there's also the part of actually doing it! I have a meeting with the professor on December 16, and I have to have gotten a lot done until then, if there's going to be a point to the meeting at all - and I know I won't be able to get much done during the holidays (and right after that, we have to be finished)!
So, compromising all these thoughts: The idea is to attend Greek lectures for 2 hours a day, and the other 22 hours I will work on my essay (possibly managing a few hours sleep every night too??)!

The Spirit of Christmas
A little about the season to come! Because to tell the truth, my 'spirit of Christmas' this year is a big, fat Zero! I generally don't like Christmas one little bit, and for various reasons it's even more complicated this year, but I can usually stand the 'preparation' for Christmas, the decorations, the Christmas music, shopping for gifts and all that, but this year I'm completely anti everything!! I think it has to do with the fact that I'm so genuinely exhausted that I can only barely try to keep up with what I have to do ... just the mere thought of spending several hours decorating and fixing here is just too much right now! So I'm hereby declaring my apartment Christmas-free this year! Granted, I can go so far as to listen to Christmas music - and naturally I'll be getting Christmas gifts for those near and dear to me ... but that's it! It might sound harsh, but to tell the truth, I have never been that big of the Spirit of Christmas - and as for getting in the spirit here and now, what's the point? I have to study 24/7 up until the lectures ends, and then I'll be gone and not home until all the holidays are over ... so really, what is the point?

Last But Not Least - Some GOOD News!
Here's me hoping you have managed to get this far, because I have been saving the best till last! :)
I had an email yesterday, which to me meant more than a lot that have happened to me lately - and I don't think I have grasped it completely even now! The email came from a woman conducting postgraduate studies at our Department (New Testament Exegesis), I know who she is because she has been involved in the Mentor-activity this semester, but I have been fairly sure she doesn't know me. Well, this email said she's responsible for the Mentor activity on the Department, she's now looking for a Mentor for the Hebrew course next semester, and when she had discussed this my name had "come up", so she basically asked if I wanted to do it!!!!!!!! *GASP!*
I know I have been thinking about it - we've had the greatest mentor in Greek-studies this semester, which inspired me as well, but I have been going back and forth with it ... can I handle it, it's a great thing to do, but will I cope, how much time and energy will it take etc.
But being asked to do it?!?!!? That is SO cool, and I'm still in awe!! I have no idea how she got my name, because I've basically only discussed it with my closest friends, but still .... There's no way I can turn it down, obviously, and I think it will be merit to take with me, and somehow I just have to make this work!!
Well, I won't go on and on about it - this entry has been long enough already, but for those of you reading Swedish, I will make an entry of this in my ~ Cogito, ergo sum! ~ blog later on, so keep an eye out there - it will be more detailed, as it is easier to talk about specifics in Sweden!

Wow, this was some entry to get through! :) But at least I'm up-to-date again now, so hopefully I can blog more regularly after this! :) I'm feeling not only stomach-flu-sick but also completely exhausted, this semester has well and truly caught up with me now, but I know I won't be able to wind down until about January 20, so I guess I'll have to hang in there somehow! :)

I hope you are all doing well and are enjoying your weekend!