Hectic Schedule!

I am certainly keeping busy these days, that's for sure! I have lectures more or less every day (it's like I get one weekday off every three or four weeks ... something like that), and for Hebrew there are lots of preparations for each lecture - we have to prepare sentences to read and translate and analyze the grammar - and then of course, LEARN all the grammar as well (lot of things to learn and know by heart). I do have taken this course before, but I'm quickly realizing I still need to put a lot of time and effort into it, in order to really learn it, and that was after all the general idea!
My other course, Old Testeament Bible Studies, are also quite intense. A lot of literature to go through, and some seminars and papers to do as well. I'm not sure quite how well I'm doing there, as there are no "check-ups" (as we get in Hebrew), but I'm really trying hard not to fall too much behind on that either ... the first exam (of Old Testament, then we're moving on to the New Testament) is already on 21 February, so it's not THAT far away either ...

What feels absolutely wonderful and yet surprises me a great deal, is how good I'm actually feeling! I'm constantly tired, and I have had some minor set-backs, but overall, I'm really enjoying myself!! This feels like it's happened more or less over-night, but I guess it has in fact been a slow process, that I'm now clearly seeing the results of. I'm really starting to find my place at the Department, I am getting to "know" people I study with (Fairly sure I have found a constant "study-date" for Hebrew, which is a girl I've never spoken to before!), I know some of the teachers around the Department, well enough for them to great me in the corridors (interestingly enough, I have had some run-ins with our current head-of-department earlier, so I'm even on "greeting-terms" with him *lol*) ... and I'm completely enjoying myself at the Department! The social thing is not yet 'perfect' in any way, I'm not the social butterfly and I don't find it that easy to initiate contact ... but I take every oportunity given to me, and sometimes I actually can initiate as well - and I'm liking it more and more by the minute. Also just being at lectures is great, I'm absorbing knowledge like a dried-up sponge, I feel like I just can't get enough, and that's amazing!!! To feel that engaged and interested in something, that previous only caused panic and anxiety and stress and pain ... I am in awe ...

Okay, this turned out to be way more serious than I had intended - sorry about that! :)
I know my posts have become a bit more scarce now, I am hoping I will be able to go back to writing every day, because I really like doing that - but sometimes my schedule are just so crazy and I'm so tired, I can't bring myself to sit down in front of the computer.

Well, I don't think I have that much else to report!! Still totally happy with my new Stargate-stuff ... although I've hardly had time to check out the dvds yet .... ;) Since I'm currently juggling three courses at the same time, I will not ever have completely caught up, but I still feel I need to take breaks on occasion, to keep my energy levels up.

Looking forward to the end of the week now ... tomorrow we only have Hebrew lectures, which are 8-10, so even if I have to get up really early, at least I'll have most of today left when lectures are over ... and then I have nothing "planned" until next lecture which is on Monday at 1 p.m.!! Yay!! Naturally I'll be studying pretty much all the time, but it feels good not having to go away somewhere, you loose a great deal of time just travelling (buses, trains, waiting etc) - and I also don't get quite so tired when I don't have to go away to Uni ... so I'm hoping to get quite a lot of work done this weekend! :)

Take care, guys!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible ... yup, will be for a long time! :)
Currently watching: Documentary on J.K. Rowling
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, studies, cleaning the apartment

'Stargate SG-1'

Stargate,
It’s a great big world,
With a great big swirl that you step inside to another world.
We’re talking Stargate,
It’s a crazy trip,
You can go quite far and you don’t need a car or even a ship.
There’s Colonel O’Neill and Carter and Daniel and Teal’c.
Look out for that Go-go-go-go-go-goa’uld.

Well, I figure I'd start with the best news first! It's HERE!!!! I got my Stargate SG-1 DVD Box Set and it's the COOLEST!!! (just check out the picture!) After all the pains and miserys and hardships and worries, I finally got it! Woooo-hooooo!!! I have so limited time to watch new episodes now, so I have a feeling it will last a long time!! And it should, actually, as it contains 54 (!!) discs, all ten seasons, with 212 episodes and four bonus discs with tons of nice stuff!! *happy happy happy*
Not to mention, I got the perfect birthday gift from Annika today - totally suitable!! It was the book "Stargate SG-1 Illustrated Companion Seasons 1 and 2" ... so completely perfect!!! :) (Apologies for not having a picture of the book, my camera would totally not cooperate ...) YAY!!

Okay, not making this entire entry about Stargate! *lol*
The rest of the day has been mostly very intense and very confusing - with some really good stuff and other really bad stuff! On the really bad side of things I had to pay a customs fee for my Stargate Box, which was 564:- ... which is about US$90 - SO not fun! Also, found out that I kind of "owe" a state authority A LOOOOOT of money (it's a really long and really complicated story and I'm so not in the mood for that, sorry guys), and that just turned down my mood a great deal!

On the plus side of things was that I had a great lecture in Hebrew today - I really hope I can keep doing that and following these courses the rest of the semester, because the teacher is sooo great, and I really think it's THAT much fun! It's a lot of work, a whole lot of work, but it's very, very rewarding!
Also, I met Sara at Uni, which was great as I haven't seen her since our birthday celebration! We had company on the train home and I really enjoy talking to her (we tend to laugh a lot at the same things *lol*)!! :)

Not so great though - see, I have had a confusing day! - is that I've been very tired all day, and een though I had my mind set on finishing a paper for my Old Testament course for tomorrow there's no way I'll get it done!! It's so much work involved and I'm almost drowning in information, so it'll take some time to get it to work. Also, I'm gonna have to work a bit on my Hebrew now, as we are already entereing into stuff that I'm not completely sure of ... so I'm really feeling quite tired now.
I have lectures at 8 tomorrow, so I'll have to make it an early night tonight - as I have to leave here before 7 a.m. *yawn*

Take care, guys!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Still going through the Bible
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 - season 2 *YAY*
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew Lecture, Old Testament Lecture, studies, meeting a friend and her son, shopping ...

Trying To Prepare!

Guess it's time to start preparing for next week - week #2 of spring semester 2008!
I'm not completely happy with how the first week turned out, so naturally, I'm hoping for a better week now. Still lots and lots and lots and lots to do, but I really want this to work out, so I hope I can keep up! :)

Apart from quite a few lectures (most days I think it's two of them) I have to study a lot, as all courses I'm taking now are quite demanding! I'm also meeting a friend and her little baby (just over a month old - ADORABLE!!!) on Tuesday and I'm totally looking forward to that of course!

Not much else to write about though, I've spent the entire day studying, trying to catch up on Hebrew as well as writing a paper for the Old Testament course, so yeah, I'm busy! :)

Getting VERY annoyed with eBay though, even though I really know it's not eBay's fault ... but I STILL haven't gotten my Stargate SG-1 box!!! *angry* This time I checked out the seller in detail, so I don't think I've been ripped off again - I hope! - but it's still very strange! I payed on January 7th and on USPS website using the tracking number I got it said it had been shipped from Chicago on January 9th. When nothing happened I though it must have gotten stuck in Swedish customs, but before I emailed them, I thought I'd check USPS one last time ... well now all of a sudden it said my package had left Chicago on January 17th ... eh, HUH?!?!?! I sent an email to them straight away, but haven't heard anything.
I don't really mind if I have to pay to get it from Swedish customs, right now it feels like I don't care about anything just so long as I WILL GET IT!!! I've been shopping from eBay for years, now all of a sudden it's supposed to be completely impossible to recieve an item!?!? *deep deep sigh*
Okay, I know this is not the end of the world, and I'm not getting that upset about it, but I have payed a lot of money!!! First in November (or whenever it was, October maybe), I payed $215 and got ripped off ... and Paypal payed me back $175 - and now I've payed about $250 ... and I'm still not getting anything!
Guess all I can do is wait and see, I suppose ...

Now I'm going to try to wind down and get some sleep so I can get through next week in a decent way!
Good night!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible ...:)
Currently watching: From Russia With Love
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lots of studies, some shopping, lectures (hebrew)

Top Priorities?!

I seem to have a very big problem these days! I have no idea how to prioritize my life! I have a million things and more that I have to do, but I cannot for the life of me come up with a balance that works right now - and it's very frustrating!!

I have a lot of studying to do, after all I'm taking three courses at the same time now - way to go! - but if I were to only prioritize my studies, I wouldn't do anything else at all! I'm always behind and there are always things to do, so if all focus is on studies, I would even be sleeping or eating ... and that doesn't quite work, does it?
And I also need to keep up with things like cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking ...and also keep up with personal interests, such as the internet! Okay, so I know my own hobbies shouldn't be that much of a priority, and I have cut down on a lot of stuff, but what's left are things I'm really interested in and like doing! I enjoy my blogs, but of course it takes time to keep them updated regularly ... I'm a member of a few forums, regarding things I'm interested in, and what's the point of being a member, if you don't take part in what's going on there? I also enjoy making graphics and digi.scraps, and aparently I'm not that bad at it, because I'm getting compliments from a lot of different areas now ...

But I still ALWAYS feel bad about myself!!
If I'm studying, I have a hard time concentrating because I know I should water my flowers, or clean up the bathroom, and do I have any clothes left or do I have to do laundry?
And if I'm cleaning, or go online or whatever, I constantly feel bad for not studying ...
It's a MESS!

I know there's only been a week yet, of this semester, but I really, really, really, really hope I can find a solution that works, because I don't know if I can stand another 20 weeks of this ...

Okay, sorry about the depressing entry, things aren't really that bad right now! I've been in a better mood overall today, but I still feel very frustrated about always feeling like I'm doing the "wrong" thing, no matter what I do!

Hope you all are enjoying your weekend!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Actually ... the Bible! :)
Currently watching: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, sorting through photos, cleaning, possibly shopping, computer stuff ... and probably some other stuff I can't think of right now.

Ups And Downs!

My life is certainly going through a lot of ups and downs at the moments!
I've had some down-periods lately that I'm not happy with at all! I had very high hopes for this semester, even though I knew it would be a lot of hard work I knew what I wanted to make of it ... and so far I haven't done much at all!

Okay, in my "defense", I knew I went through a lot during the weekend before this semester started, which made me tired and more or less strained me of all the energy I had. But I still really want to make this semestera good one, and I cannot do that my sitting around feeling terrible!! I do hope I can turn things around and get my life 'back-on-track' again, where it's suppoosed to be!

I'm sorry about this short entry, but I don't have much to write about, and I'm fairly tired right now! I will share some digi.scraps I made recently!! I am adding all scraps to an album, but it is only for "friends" that I trust (and include more scraps than I share here). I have sent out an invitation to this album, but if you haven't gotten one and want it, feel free to leave me a comment or send an email (jessiezorro@gmail.com). But remember I will decide wether you can an invite or not! :)
Hope you like them!!





I hope you'll enjoy the rest of your weekend!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Brotherhood of the Rose, David Morrell
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis
Currently listening to: Learned Ladies III: Miss Claudette, Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, hopefully

Drastic Actions!

Well, I didn't get much response to my post on my websites and such, and since I've had a pretty rotten day today, I decided to get a bit drastic tonight!
I haven't finished going through everything (currently downloading the stuff from the websites I'm removing, to at least have some backup), but I have decided what will stay and what will go! :) I will make a separate webpage with the URL to all my websites that are current and active, when I've finished everything - naturally you will get the link here, so you can have everything in one place.

So far though, it looks like ending up like this:
Blogs:

• Another Day - Another Destiny
• Ytterligare ett försök - version 2.0 (Swedish)
• Att leva med social fobi (Swedish)
• Stargate SG-1 (will have a new look and a new URL)

Forums:

• The World of 007 (looks like the activity might pick up there now, so I'm keeping it for a while at least)
• Possibly a Forum connected to my Flying Doctors site

Websites:

• Jessica's Flying Doctors Page (will go through a make-over and a move to a new URL first)

That's it!! I've removed a number of blogs, will close at least two websites and have deleted two forums ... yup, I'd say that qualifies for a drastic evening, wouldn't you?
Still, websites and such are supposed to be fun, right? Mine was only causing me stress and trouble and problems, so no use in keeping them, right?! :)

Oh yeah, I downloaded this really cool digi.scrap-kit earlier, and found out it would work very well for graphics! :) What do you think?





Like I've said, I've had a pretty rotten day today, but I hope it was a temporary set-back and that I can be back-on-track tomorrow again! :)

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Brotherhood of the Rose (David Morrell)
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Bring Him Home, Les Misérables 10th Anniversary Concert
My Plans for tomorrow: Very confusing, no idea!

1978 - 2008

Wow ... 30 years old! Quite amazing, huh?! In some ways I don't feel even close to being 30 years old, and in other ways I feel I passed 30 a loooong way back! Very confusing! :)





This day has in many ways been very confusing too! I did take it quite easy this morning, considering the fact that I didn't fall aslepp until some time after 2 a.m. *yawn*
We had the introduction of one of the courses I will take, unfortunately I don't have the English translation for it yet - the detailed information on the course isn't avaliable online yet (great timing, since it started TODAY!) ... but it's basically Bible studies, with a focus on interpretations. When I first arrived at Uni, a fried I've taken a few courses came over, she'd heard there had been a celebration for me yesterday so she wanted to congratulate me - very sweet!!! I didn't stay at Uni more than about 3 hours, but unfortunately a couple of not-so-great-at-all incidents occured ... at least one of them beeing of the really-not-so-great kind ... more catastrophic ... I'm trying to deal with it because there's absolutely nothing I can do about it - but it really, really, really does bother me.

When I came home I went to do some grocery shopping, and managed to run into one of the women I "worked" with when I was on sick-leave, before I got back to studying full-time! She's hardly EVER even in my town, so I was quite surprised to see her - and happy!!!!! I hadn't seen her in ... about six months I think, so it was really really nice!!

I figured I'd be able to relax a little when I got home ... but two florists called and said they had flowers to deliver, one bouquet from my Mom, and one from my Dad and his family - *THANK YOU*! Aren't they absolutely gorgeous!!!!





Things have been very up and down today, so I'm mostly feeling confused! Some things have been really wonderful and great, and other have been just terrible! Unfortunately I'm really tired now, and should do SO much - but right now, I'm actually prioritizing my diary! I don't think I'll be able to cope with this semester if I'm not really up-to-date there and can use it a lot ... unfortunately I've fallen a bit behind, so I reckon it'll take a number of hours before I feel good about that ...
Speaking of which, that's what I'll do now! :)

Take care - and a very special thank you for all my birthday greetings (several on Facebook, that I did not expect!!), birthday cards, flowers and presents!!! I'm really greatful! :)

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: [Should be reading] the Bible
Currently watching: Latest episode of Stargate SG-1 on TV6
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, Old Testament lecture, studies, cleaning

Princess For A Day!

Yes, the ugly duckling actually got to be princess for a day!!
My friends Sara and Johanna had organized the whole day yesterday for me, and it was just ... amazing!!! I could never in my life have anticipated anything like that, and it was without a doubt one of the more memorable days of my life!!

They met me at the trains at about noon, and first we went to 'Dunkers Kulturhus', a museum located just by the waterside, where they had lots of cool exhibitions! I had never been there before, so it was quite exciting. Especially one exhibit about a Swedish designer called Stig Lindberg was really good, and there was also a very cool show about the town's history!

After that we went to Sara's apartment, she'd made yummiest cheesecake - with white chocolate!! - and we drank ... champage ... *yikes!* :) I also got a lovely birthday present, which turned out to be a beautiful handbag!! I LOVE bags, so that was really a perfect gift!!!!!



It was really wonderful, and after we were done eating cheesecake, Sara sneaked off leaving me and Johanna talking. After a while Sara came back, and it turned out they had planned a 'home-spa' for me - with a real bubblebath, magazines to read, candles the bathroom ... AMAZING!!! I don't have a bathtub (only shower), and I don't know when I took a bath last time! They were going to prepare dinner, so I had plenty of time to really relax and enjoy myself - which I truly did! The timing couldn't have been better either, I coped with the oral exam, I've left that course behind me, and I'm starting a rough semester today, so what better timing than to be able to completely relax!!

When I managed to drag myself out of there, Johanna and Sara had prepared most of dinner, but aparently it wasn't dinner time just yet! They had something else planned first, which turned out to be make-overs!!!! Johanna would do all of our make-ups, and Sara would fix our hair!!! Sooo cool!! The ugly duckling above is really true regarding me (though I have some serious doubts about the swan-part!!), and I'm not at all into make-up and stuff like that - so this was truly educational - it was a wonderful experience!!! We all turned out really great, I think - even though I have a hard time saying that about myself!

Right before dinner, I got another present!! This time it was two gorgeous shirts to wear ... but we were all a bit nervous about that, I think! It's always terrible difficult to buy clothes for somebody else, and I happen to be supersensitive about my weight ... I tried them on, and they were gorgeous!!! I got sooo many compliments (and I have such a hard time accepting them, unfortunately), and I think it worked out too!! I will have to loose some kilos before I feel totally comfortable with them, but they were really wonderful (and it's given me another motivation factor to really loose weight!)!!!
Dinner was two LOVLEY pies and nice crispy sallad! As usual, I ate tooooooo much, but it was SOOO good! (So much for loosing weight, yeah, right!! *lol*) We sat and talked a lot afterwards, and it was a fantastic evening! I'm really, really comfortable around Sara and Johanna and I totally feel I can trust them - I think we all exchanged some 'secrets' yesterday, and I'm usually very sensitive about who I tell what - but I really feel I can trust them completely!!!





All in all, this was such a GREAT day I really lack the words to describe it!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH, Sara and Johanna! (I usually don't like birthdays very much, but this was a really wonderful one!!!)

Websites, Forums and Blogs!

Since I am about to start the most demanding semester I've ever gone through on Monday, I figured this was as good a time as any to try to figure out what to do about all my websites, blogs and forums - because I seem to have a ton of them and I have no idea what to do with them! (Currently mostly thinking I'll delete everything except this blog, but that might be a tad too drastic ...)

I'd really like to hear my visitors opinion on this, wether you visit any of my blogs/websites/forums and in that case which ones, if you want me to keep some in particular or if you don't really care which! ;) Comments are usually rather scarce here, but I want to point out that I'm really giving you a chance to say what you think here ... otherwise I'll just decide on my own! :)
Some things regarding this I already KNOW, so I will list them here (they are non-negotiable!), but with regards to everything else, I really welcome your opinion!

Okay, this is what I really know:

• This blog - Another Day Another Destiny - will stay in its current form! It seems to be getting visitors and I'm happy with the way it's working now.
• I will also keep my Swedish blogs Ytterligare ett försök - verison 2.0 (which hasn't officially even started yet!) and Att Leva Med Social Fobi.
  
• My Stargate SG-1 blog will move to a new location and undergo some changes, but will stay and will hopefully be updated on a regular basis.
• Jessica's Flying Doctors Page will move to a location as well as get a new layout, and I will also start up a Flying Doctors Forum to replace the crappy Bravenet forum that currently exists.

That's what I've decided so far ... but there's lots more to decide upon! What is left of all my "projects" (and I appreciate your thoughts and comments on these ...) are:

• Zorro: Master of the House - Zorro's Swedish blog
• Tänkvärt - my Swedish blog with lyrics, poems and quotes
• ~Jessica: TV, Film och Annat Smått och Gott~ - TV, movies, books-blog
• Les Misérables: Beyond the Barricade - my Les Misérables blog
• The ABC Café - My Les Misérables Forum
• ~*~ Carpe Diem ~*~ - My 'general' forum
• The World of 007 - My James Bond forum
• Jessica & Zorro's Website - my personal website
• One Day More! - My Les Misérables Website (currently down)

I'm hoping to reach a decision about this fairly soon - so comments are very much appreciated! Yes, I'll stop nagging you know, sorry! :)
Hope you're all having a great Saturday!

I Did It - I Did It!

Today was 'the big day'!! My huge oral exam ...
I have written an entry in my Swedish blog - Att leva med social fobi already, so for those of you who read Swedish, you can check it out.

But what can I say about this day? It's been very long and very tiresome and really good, and not so good and fantastic and a bit sad and stressful and great and filled with anxiety. Yeah, that pretty much describes it ... and you don't have to tell me that I am confused, because I already know I am! *lol*

Everything today has turned out pretty much perfect - except one thing. Right now, I'm very emotional, so I have a bit hard letting go of this 'one thing', even though I know I should be on top of the world after this day. I'll try to make a short explanation! (I'm really tired, so I might come back and discuss this further later on)

I passed my course, which is the first news to give - YESSSSS!!! It feels wonderful to have passed and to be able to put this course behind me now!! Also, a lot surrounding the exam - and part of the exam itself worked out better than expected. I got to talk a lot to our teacher, which felt really good. I'm not in any way planning to be his best friend or anything, but any contact with any one within the Department is really great!! Also, I think I did cope with the whole examination-situation is a good way. I was feeling pretty awful, with rather high anxiety levels (about 7-7.5 on a 1-10-scale) for the entire time, which was about three hours, but I did go through with it, right? One thing there though ... which I don't feel good about. Aparently I was one single little question from getting VG (the high grade)!!! He asked me a question, and I recognized what he asked about, I knew the circumstances around it, but for the life of me, I could not produce the answer he wanted - I completely froze up!!! And he told me that's what made the difference, had I answered that question, I would have gotten VG ... and that kinda hurts actually!! I also feel that since it was an oral exam, couldn't he have asked me a few other questions? If I'd shown I knew them, maybe that would have been enough?!? But I guess not ... And that feels rough ... since this was such an extensive course, it feels like getting a VG would have meant a lot, and now knowing that it was because one question ... yeah, I guess you can imagine how that feels ....

I will try to put that behind me, and be happy about passing the course, and also be very happy about handling the situations the way I did, because I'm really satisfied with that ... and I'm also glad to have established this contact with the teacher!

So all in all, this was a good day - even though I suspect it will be a while before I can let go of that one particular question! :)
Now I'm completely enjoying staying up late and doing what I want, and knowing that I don't have to get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow!!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Deception Point, Dan Brown
Currently watching: The Felloship of the Ring, cast commentary
Currently listening to: Förlorad igen, Nicklas Strömstedt
My Plans for tomorrow: Relaxing, visiting a friend

Catching Up!

I really don't have time for this blog entry, but I don't feel like abandoning this blog entirely, so I guess I'll have to try to type fast! :)

I'm going through a lot in my life now, a lot of challenges socially as well as heavy studying, so fact of the matter is, I don't have time for much at all! At least I should loose some weight, because I can almost feel like I don't have time to eat ... and sleep is limited to a maxmimum of four-five hours per night ... *sigh*

I have faced at least two larger challenges this week, one was a seminar where we were discussing some book papers, and even though I normally can at least cope with that now, (even though I have anxiety and feel bad) this time I really felt I'd written a truly bad paper! When reading through the others, mine really wasn't good at all. Now I know I didn't put my soul into writing it, and from the beginning we were only supposed to hand it in, not discuss it - but it was really hard for me to go through it since I felt I had done such a poor job of it!
I did go, and it did work out - somehow (very strange, in fact) - and I'm really proud that I did it! Also, I think I've learned from this that no matter what, it's worth taking the extra time to hand in something you can really stand up for!!
The second challenge was a disucssion with a teacher about next semester (which starts on Monday) ... this was very hard for me, on a number of levels, but I managed to once again go through with it, deal with things and make them "work out" - another reason to be proud, I guess! ;)

Unfortunately I didn't get that much studying done yesterday afternoon, and I haven't gotten much done today either, even though I've been up for almost four hours! I think these two challenges have dried me of strength, as I feel very tired, but I still can't afford to relax! I have a HUUUUUGE exam tomorrow - at a weird hour, 6p.m. ... it's an oral exam for a very demanding teacher and the course covers one half on an entire semester!! I will try - try - try to study as hard as I possibly can, because it would be such a great relief if I could pass this course ...

Therefore my blog entries are a bit stressed now, I don't feel I have the time to write in the way I want, because time is always a factor! I will come back with more entries after the exam, about my life and my thoughts on the future!

To Swedish Readers:
Ville bara påminna er om att en ny viktblogg finns uppe nu: Ytterligare ett försök - version 2.0. Den är inte officiellt igångsatt än, jag kommer att starta upp den i nästa vecka, men jag skulle vilja ha tips och råd från er om hur ni vill att den ska se ut, vilket upplägg den ska ha ... kika gärna in och rösta och kommetera! Tack!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Lecture notes!!
Currently watching: Don't know ... I think it was Fellowship of the Ring ...
Currently listening to: Show and Tell (Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen)
My Plans for tomorrow: Study like crazy and an oral exam!

Broken Wrists ...

First of all, a clarification! When I'd written the title I realized how that sounds, so let me tell you, I have not fractured my wrists ... they are just ... well, broken! At least they sure feel broken ...

I've come up with this really efficient way of studying, which involves me constantly typing on my computer - thereby my broken wrists. I'm using a very small font, so I get quite lot in on single page, I started writing about 6 p.m. yesterday, have slept for four hours, and only taken minimal food-and-bathroom breaks ... and I've written 56 full pages .... **I want to pass this course!!**

So apologies for this short entry, but my hands really hurt right now! I had hoped to get it all done tonight, but I still have about 5 pages left I think ... and I want to start printing as soon as possible tomorrow (maybe around seven), and I'm supposed to get up, have my usual morning routine (which I won't give up for anything, so don't even try!!) and type at least five pages, I guess I'll have to get no later than five ... *yawn*

I really have lots of stuff to write about here now, as a lot is going on now, both my "practical" life and on an emtional level, but I'll have to see if I can find some time when I'm not completely stressed out, exahausted or experiencing severe pain ...

Take care!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Teologins historia (Hägglund), Documents of the Christian Church (Bettenson), The Cambridge Companion to Christine Doctrine (Gunton) and a few more.
Currently watching: Hardly remember - probably Stargate SG-1
Currently listening to: Nothing!
My Plans for tomorrow: What do you think?!?!?!!? (studies + lecture/seminar)

Buried In Notes!

Definately a study-focused day today! I have gotten several advices regarding this upcoming exam, and they all say "study your notes, loose the books"! Aparently this teacher only asks questions on things raised at the lectures, and I'm happy to "only" have to go through my notes!
They are quite extensive though, and I also have all of Johannas notes, so I'm certainly keeping busy, that's for sure!

I don't think I've "wasted" much time today, but I still can't help being a bit frustrated about things taking so long time! I know what I want to do, what I need to do, in terms of studies, but everything seems to take soooo long ... guess I can forget about sleep until next Thursday! *yawn*

I realize there are lots of 'other' stuff I want to do, such as work on blogs and websites, start becoming active in Forums and Message Boards, making graphics and digi-scraps ... but I'm going to have to put off everything except studies and a few hours sleep (and possibly some food every now and again) until I've taken this exam!

Did start to look through the schedules for next semester, and if things go as planned, I will certainly keep busy even after this exam is done!! Still, more on that when I know it's definate - I have a meeting on Tuesday to see what will happen!

Did relax a while tonight, so I made a Stargate graphic, while talking to Annika on YIM ... seriously hoping my Stargate SG-1 box will arrive soon!! *fingers crossed* It does look like it will be the perfect birthday present for myself (because even if it should arrive before that, I won't be able to check it out until next weekend - and my birthday is the Monday after that)! :)





Well, back to my notes on Martin Luther! Wish me luck!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading:
Currently watching:
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow:

Survived Another Day!

Obviously, I did survive this day as well ...
I felt pretty bad all morning, so it was a massive session in my diary, that's for sure! It does do me the world of good, and I can certainly recommend writing as a therapeutic method for anyone who hasn't tried it!!

Before I go into what my life has been, I'd just like to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE SISTER!

My youngest sister turns 1 year today!! Amazing how time flies ... and yet it doesn't! Weird feeling!! It doesn't seem long since I waited to hear from my Dad, wether or not we'd have a new family member and if it had been a boy or a girl ... and I remember getting the phonecall one year from today ... doesn't seem long ago at all. And at the same time I feel like I've had two little sisters for ages, it seems SO long ago M was my only sister! Strange thing, how we percieve time ....

I pushed my limits a bit, and didn't leave until I really needed to, which was around ten, and I managed to get some studying done on the train. When I got off, I heard a cry behind me, it was Sara and Johanna! It was great to see them, particularly Johanna, since I hadn't seen her for ages (long before Christmas!!)!
Sara and I went to lunch, while poor Johanna had to go to the Department to finish a paper! Sara and I had a great lunch, and I really feel greatful to ... well, I don't know to what, to 'life' maybe, taht I can experience something like that! Just "hanging out", nothing big, just spending quality time with someone you like and can easily talk to! I don't think I have been able to do that, in a relaxed way, since I went to senior high school or something ... I've always been filled with anxiety and mixed feelings before, feeling like I've had to be someone I'm not, feeling terrified about making a fool of myself, or appearing strange or weird. I know this might sound like nothing special, but I'd like to emphazise that I really do appreciate being able to do and enjoy something like that! Something that was far from possible only two years ago ... amazing!
Sara and I went back to the Department after our meal and had a coffee, and I got some good advice about my upcoming course and exam ... and all advice are greatly appreciated!!

I got about an hour's study at the library, before it was time for lectures ... but I was pretty tired so it was rather difficult to focus. We also handed out our papers ... *SIGH* It feels like mine is by far the worse, and more than that, but I'm trying to talk myself into letting it go now, and deal with it on Monday, when we'll have the seminar!!

I went straight home after lectures, and even though I had intended to get at least a few hours studying in, not much has happened there ... I will try to get at least something done now, though ... I'm not very tired, so I guess I can try to study effectivly for a while now, and treat myself to sleeping "late" tomorrow instead, right?! :)

I'm also trying to get started on my blogs ... can't guarantee a great number of updates there, but I will at least try to start up with them again! So far two updated (both Swedish):

• Att leva med social fobi
• Ytterligare ett försök - version 2.0 (min nya viktblogg!)

[Ja, jag ska försöka starta upp en ny viktblogg, som jag hoppas fungerar bättre än den förra!! Titta gärna in där också!! ;)]

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: One Day More, Les Miserables Complete Symphonic Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, running errands

Better ... For A While!

I did have a better day today, then yesterday. My mood has been better, and I have at least gotten some stuff done!
Also, a few "problems" seems to have sorted themselves out during the day ... I still can't really start putting things behind me, which is annoying, but at least I can start planning for them ... and I guess that's something, right!
I know that the whole spring will be very intense, with not much quiet time at all, but right now I find it difficult to cope until the reminder of the fall semester is done! There are SO many things that have to turn out in a particular way, and I just hate waiting around for it ... I guess time passes by and sooner or later I'm through these days and weeks as well, but at the moment I'm mostly stressing and feeling very frustrated.

Unfortunately, my mood had a down-turn tonight! I was suposed to print a paper to hand in tomorrow, about a book we've read on the course. We're supposed to make copies for everyone in class and have a discussion about it on Monday ... a few people had already turned their paper in, and when I read theirs, my mood dropped completely! I'm in total despair right now, their papers are really well-written with deep thoughts and connections I couldn't have dreamed of!!!! Right now my paper feels like something that belong in pre-school, and I don't even want to print it ... and certainly not hand it out to everyone tomorrow!!
I can't re-write it either, becuase I'd have to read the whole book over again - 200 pages in English - and I simply don't have the time ... but all of a sudden this has become a huge deal for me!

I know I'm not "stupid", I wouldn't cope with Uni studies the way I have if I were stupid, but I also know that I easily get anxiety and become very stresed out, particularly in situations like group discussions, or oral exams. And then things just lock up, and I freeze, and I feel like an idiot!! Stuff that I would usually understand or be able to respond to, will then sound like a foreign language, I can't say a thing, and I feel ... really stupid!!!
It's happened to me a couple of times since I came back from sick-leave and I REALLY HATE IT!!! So as you can imagine, my mood tonight is not great at all! I'm still considering solving this thing tomorrow - work it out (finding alternate thoughts and find methods to reduce these "bad" thoughts and all my anxiety - and I got some great advice tonight, thanks *winks*) by writing in my diary! The only problem is I have to leave fairly early!
We don't have lectures until 1, but I'm meeting Sara at 11, and they're doing some plumbing work in my apartment building so I won't have any water from around 8 a.m. tomorrow (possibly the electricity will be out too) ... so the question is wether I can work this whole thing out - and print 15 copies of my stinking paper - tomorrow morning before say ... .7.30 ....
*deep sigh*

I think I'm gonna have to though, because right now I just feel terrible, and I know from experience, I don't solve problems very well when I feel like this .... I just wish the next few weeks would be over and done with ....

Finishing off with a slightly mroe positive note ... at least I'm trying, right!? I got a message from USPS today, regarding my Stargate SG-1 box ... where it said "Your item has been shipped from the United States, O'Hare Airport, Chicago at 4.06 p.m. on January 9, 2008 ! Woo-hoo!!! Looks like it's on it's way at least .... *yay*
Swedish TV6 are airing the show now, they started re-runs before Christmas and are about half-way through season 2, and I can't take my eyes off it!!! Definately my favourite show at the moment - I can't wait to get the entire box set!!!!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Läckberg & Rudberg
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, meeting Sara, lectures

Riding On A Roller Coaster!

Today has been a very up-and-down day, both practically and emotionally - so it really feels like I've been on a roller coaster all day!
Unfortunately, most of the day has gone down, so I'm not in a great mood tonight! I feel like I'm trapped in some messy world where all I have to do is untangle constant problems, but no matter what I do, I never solve anything! I know things aren't supposed to be easy, but I was kind of hoping to be able to address one problem, solve it and leave it behind me, to deal with the next one. But now it seems like everything is connected, and the more I try to do what I think is right, the messier things get! *sigh*

This whole semester will be very tough for me, because I think I will take double courses, meaning I'll be studying 200% (well, not really, but it's a bit complicated to explain), but at least when all that is underway, I'll know what is expected of me! Now, until about 20 January, things are just messy, and I don't know what to do, or how, to make it work out right ... which is very frustrating, especially since two courses grades are depending on me working things out! *gulp*

Sorry I don't have a more upbeat note tonight, but I'm really struggling at trying to work things out - and at the same time preferably study about 18 hours a day *sigh* - and it's very frustrating when I feel I can't.

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies ... what else?

Solve One Thing - Get Five New Ones!

The title pretty much describes my current situation! I'm very happy to be home, in my regular life and all that it means, but fact of the matter is: everything's a great big mess!!! And when I try to sort one thing out, I instantly get five or ten new ones!!

Almost everything right now is centered around Uni, as I have two courses I shall finish and two more (I think?) I shall start, and nobody knows anything about anything! I have set a date for a disucssion with one teacher, for next Tuesday, so I'm trying not to think too much about that, or what implications that meeting will have, until Monday night, but there are still a lot of other uncertainties - along with an enormous amount of work to be done if I'm going to have a least a fighting chance to pass these courses.
I had hoped that one thing would have been cleared up today, but unfortunately it was put off until Monday! *sigh* I missed a discussion of a paper we wrote before Christmas, and I was led to believe we would discuss my paper today! I normally do not like that at all, but I had try to mentally prepare for it today, and figured I could cope, if not well. Then it turned out that there were three of us who had missed the discussion and we would have that, along with a discussion of another paper on Monday instead! I had hoped to put this whole discussion-thing behind me, but I guess not ...

Today I can't complain about my efficiancy level though, that's for sure. I got up at 5 a.m. and I usually spend between one and two hours writing in my diary every morning. I was up and running with studies at about 6.30 this morning, copying a lot of lecture notes from Johanna and also writing a paper on one of the books we're reading now.
At ten I took the train to Uni, where I met Sara!!! Soooo great to see her again - I've missed my friends a lot when I've been gone!! We studied together at the Department for a few hours, but sadly I found out that Johanna was at home, ill!! (*get better soon!!*)
We had lectures at 1, and while some things got a bit clearer than before, not everything worked out. I had hoped to set a date for the horrible oral exam we're supposed to have, but everybody more or less jumped our teacher, and I didn't have the energy to "fight for myself", so I'm gonna have to talk to him tomorrow! I had hoped to get it next Friday, but it seems everybody wants it then, so I guess I'll have to hope for Thursday afternoon instead ...

I had a splitting headache when I came home, despite dinner, headache pills and lots of coffee. It was a few hours during the afternoon when not much got done, but tonight I have at least studied for about 1½-2 hours, so I guess that's something, right?!

I am constantly stressing now, which is very tough, but I still do have a deep sense that what I'm doing is right! I am supposed to do this, this is my life, this is my aim in life, this is what is ME ... even though it's hard and I'm tired and I get anxiety attacks ... it's still MY LIFE - and, I think for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I don't really feel like exchanging it for anybody else's life ... that's a pretty powerful feeling actually ....

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vanci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 2
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, lectures

A Messy Start!

Today ended up being quite a mess! I had a number of errands to do, and I had figured out pretty much how I was going to get everything done. Naturally, nothing ended up according to my plan, so it feels like I've been going across town 20 times today - well almost anyway!
I think I finally got everything done, although it probably took a lot longer than it should have! But I have managed to make several bank errands, check out a number of books from the library, buy one book, meet Sara at the Department - I have sooo missed my friends during the holidays!! - fix dinner and finish one of the books for one of the courses I'm taking now ... *phew* As usual I should have done more, but right now I'm completely exhaused, so I'm gonna have to make it an early morning tomorrow instead!

Unfortunately all this running around in stormy freezing weather, with some icy rain/snow falling, has probably caused my cold to come back, because I'm actually feeling feverish tonight! *sigh* I so totally do NOT have time to get sick now!!!!!

Some stuff at Uni has been resolved today, and I'm hoping to get even more questions cleared up tomorrow, when we have the first lecture ... as most things are just left hanging now! I wish they could come up with the schedules for the spring semester (it starts in two weeks), so I could see what that will be like, but no such luck, unfortunately!





I Did It Again!
Yes, I've done it again! I managed to get enough money, so I bought the huge Stargate SG-1 Box Set ... again!!! I sure hope nothing will go wrong this time, but the eBay seller had 737 positive feedbacks, and no negative or neutrals, and she'd been a member since 1999 ... I don't think it can get much better than that ... *fingers crossed* I REALLY want it to work out this time ... but she seemed totally friendly when I emailed her, she's shipping with UPS, so I've gotten the tracking number ... so so far things are looking good!!

I'm soooo tired, and if I'm going to try to get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow, I should try to get some sleep now!
Take care!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES, lectures

Not The Fresh Start I Was Hoping For!

I had hoped to get a really good day today, in order to get a "fresh start 2008", but unfortunately, it didn't quite turn out that way!
I have been very tired all day, I don't really know why, but I'm guessing it comes from finally being back home where things are normal ... I didn't get much sleep during the holidays (if one of the girls slept, the other usually screamed - well, almost anyway!) and I was almost contantly tense and had problems relaxing, so I think all that is catching up with me!
But no matter how tired I am, everything will jump-start on me tomorrow morning, so I really wished I could have had a better day today!
I have started studying, but haven't gotten that much done, and I have been in a bad mood all day - very annoying!

I really do want to change things now, so I truly hope this was only a temporary set-back! I normally have a hard time adapting to a busy schedule, but right now I actually think I'll feel better once things have really started, and I know what's expected of me! When lectures start, I get the books I need from the library, I know what I'm supposed to concentrate on etc, I'm hoping I will be more efficiant and productive ...

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Errands, Uni, Studies

Back To Normal ... I Think?

I think my life is pretty much back to normal now, I have completed all my blog entries, sorted through all the digital photos on my computer, unpacked everything and put it away, and generally, things feel like they usually do!

So now I have to prepare myself for some "busy-time", becuase according to me, it doesn't look like I'll be able to relax much at all before June ... *yikes*! Seriously though, it probably won't be that bad, but it will be tough to get through everything now. I am very motivated to get started on pretty much everything now though, which feels great, and I'm hoping I'll be able to cope better now than I have before!
I know I had a few weeks in mid-November where things were feeling pretty good, I was efficiant and got things done and I felt pretty content with myself, so my aim is of course to reach that state of mind again as soon as possible!

Studies is what my life will be about now, that and not much more actually! It will be difficult to sort things out now, but I feel like I can at least work something out, even though it might not go exactly according to plan, and I guess that's the main thing. I have two courses that I really should complete before January 21st, when spring semester starts, but I'm not sure that will be possible, so I might have to postpone one of them for a few weeks. Then, when the new semester starts, I will most likely take two full-time courses at once, during the entire semester, and that will be demanding to say the least! At the moment, I feel 200% motivated, and I hope that feeling sticks, because then I feel confident I will cope with it as well.

I'll soon be going back to watching the Junior Championships in Ice Hockey, between Sweden and Canada, although the 1st period wasn't great, as Canada made two fairly easy goals! :( Guess I'll have to hope for better luck in 2nd and 3rd period ... Sweden hasn't won a Junior Championship since 1980, so it's about time now!!

Now I'm actually looking forward to getting back to blogging as usual, about once a day! :)
Take care!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Junior Championships Ice Hockey Sweden-Canada
Currently listening to: Dites-Moi Ce Qui Se Passe - Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies full time!

2007 - 2008

Well, I guess it's time to look back at the year 2007 and look forward to 2008 now.

2007 wasn't exactly one of my better years, although I feel in retrospect I've learned quite a lot. Despite the fact that a lot of things "went wrong" or made my life complicated, I think I have now realized what went wrong and why, which makes me hope I won't put myself into those kind of situations again!
During the spring, it was mostly anxiety that held me back and made things difficult for me. I don't have the time or the energy right now to evolve on that, but I think I do know why I felt so terrible, why I let the anxiety control me the way I did, and I have high hopes I won't allow that to happen again.
Summer was okay, but a bit too intense, as I ended up spending a bit too much time in the summerhouse and with my families! I have nothing against them at all, but I am in the middle of creating my own life right now, without being dependant on anyone, and spending too much time living with my familiy makes me feel like I'm 15 years old again - and doing nothing for my liberation!
I had high hopes for the autumn semester, but unfortunately they more or less fell through! This time though not because of anxiety but rather apahty! I spent about 1½ months in a state of almost complete apathy, and I'm since struggling with the consequences of that - you're not really allowed to take 1½ months' breaks when you're studying! I did have a better period around mid-November and a few weeks after that, before I completely broke down, due to most of all exhaustion ... but I'm hoping to get back to that "good", productive period I had for a few weeks now.
Christmas wasn't - as you may have read - the best either, so to summize the year 2007 ; it wasn't a great year!!

I'm trying to look forward to 2008 with a bit more optimism though. I know you can't predict what will happen, and you can't take things for granted, but at least I feel I'm taking this lousy year with me and will try to use my experiences from 2007 so as to not let the same thing happen again. I know other things can, and probably will, happen, but at least I can prevent the same thing from happening again. As time goes by I really do feel I'm learning more and more about myself, and I'm hoping I can use that in my practical every-day-life, hoping it will somehow work out better and better.

Therefore and hereby, I will try to put 2007 well and truly behind me, but at the same time use these experiences to make sure 2008 will be a lot better.

I'm wayyyyyy behind on my studies now, and I'm not sure I'll be able to sort it out the way I had hoped, but I am confident I will sort it out, one way or another! I have a really tough semester coming up, because I think I will take double courses all semester, meaning I'll be studying 200% all semester ... *yikes* Still, this is something I feel I want to do and that will benefit me in the longrun, so I hope I can keep my motivation up!

I hope you all will have a truly wonderful year 2008!
*hugs*

The Wedding Singer!

At New Year's Eve, I saw The Wedding Singer with my Mum, and it was a great experience on very many levels!!

This was originally a movie, as some of you may know, and was later adapted for the stage on Broadway in America. This production by Värmlandsoperan is the first in Europe, so that was very special of course. But the best part was that they hadn't made it "simple" and just translated the american music into Swedish, they had in fact transformed it so that it applied to Sweden! The setting, the characters, the comments, the language, everything was typically Swedish, instead of being some kind of "americanized Swedish", which is quite common these days. The musical has a clear setting in the 1980's, and since I grew up during the 1980s and the 1990s this felt very special to me - and it was made even better by the fact that it didn't mirror the 80's in America, but in fact the 80's here in Sweden!





I was thrilled to once again see Christer Nerfont perform, he is quickly becoming my favourite Swedish musical performer, but I can't help thinking that he doesn't quite get the credit he should, working at Värmlandsoperan! I have nothing against it, and I guess that's what he wants himself, but there are no doubts in my mind that he would be a huge success in the "bigger" Swedish musical productions in Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö, and also on the stage in London's West End and on Broadway! His voice is fantastic and his stage prescence outstanding!! I have seen him a few times now - I saw him as Robert in Kristina From Duvemåla, where he impressed me a lot, he did a musical concert with Karlstad University's female choir, "Söt Likör", which was wonderful, I saw him with his wife Cecilie in a Musical Highlights Concert in 2006, and now in The Wedding Singer - and he keeps impressing me!
A shame he usually works in Karlstad, I'd love to see him somewhere a little closer to home! :)
Apart from Christer, I was very impressed by Nina Lundseie, who played the femmale lead and did a fantastic job of it!!





The musical was really great, a true romantic comedy and even though I usually don't like them that much, this one was absolutely terrific!! (I think it's the romantic comedy movies I don't like, but give me a live performance on stage, and I fall completely! *lol*)
The usual twists and turns, the usual anxiety when it seems like the beautiful young girl will be stuck with the "bad man", and the usual relief and little tear in the corner of your eye at the end when the hero and princess end up together! *big smile* I enjoyed the music a lot, which was very 80's, and lots of cool references!
A lot of dancing as well, which in my experience isn't that common in musicals these days, so that was great to see - lots of talented dancers on stage at the same time!





New Year's Eve was the last performance, although nothing special happened to "celebrate" (aparently, there had been a real wedding on stage on the premiere - totally cool!!), and I have to say I wish it had played longer, because then I maybe had been able to see it once more!

The next production will be Candide during spring, but I don't know wether I'll be able to see it, it all depends on wether I'll be going to Karlstad, and how much time I get! *fingers crossed*

Overall, I strongly recommend The Wedding Singer if it will be put into production on other places, and all I can say to you all (mostly those of you in Sweden) - if you get a chance to see Christer Nerfont, don't miss him! :)

När det är din bröllopsdag
Hör på mej så lovar jag
Min musik slår an en
Ton av kärlek
När det är din bröllopsdag
Lyssna till din hjärtas slag

Sången inom dej
För kärlek är
Ja, kärlek är musik