Back To Normal ... I Think?

I think my life is pretty much back to normal now, I have completed all my blog entries, sorted through all the digital photos on my computer, unpacked everything and put it away, and generally, things feel like they usually do!

So now I have to prepare myself for some "busy-time", becuase according to me, it doesn't look like I'll be able to relax much at all before June ... *yikes*! Seriously though, it probably won't be that bad, but it will be tough to get through everything now. I am very motivated to get started on pretty much everything now though, which feels great, and I'm hoping I'll be able to cope better now than I have before!
I know I had a few weeks in mid-November where things were feeling pretty good, I was efficiant and got things done and I felt pretty content with myself, so my aim is of course to reach that state of mind again as soon as possible!

Studies is what my life will be about now, that and not much more actually! It will be difficult to sort things out now, but I feel like I can at least work something out, even though it might not go exactly according to plan, and I guess that's the main thing. I have two courses that I really should complete before January 21st, when spring semester starts, but I'm not sure that will be possible, so I might have to postpone one of them for a few weeks. Then, when the new semester starts, I will most likely take two full-time courses at once, during the entire semester, and that will be demanding to say the least! At the moment, I feel 200% motivated, and I hope that feeling sticks, because then I feel confident I will cope with it as well.

I'll soon be going back to watching the Junior Championships in Ice Hockey, between Sweden and Canada, although the 1st period wasn't great, as Canada made two fairly easy goals! :( Guess I'll have to hope for better luck in 2nd and 3rd period ... Sweden hasn't won a Junior Championship since 1980, so it's about time now!!

Now I'm actually looking forward to getting back to blogging as usual, about once a day! :)
Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Junior Championships Ice Hockey Sweden-Canada
Currently listening to: Dites-Moi Ce Qui Se Passe - Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies full time!

2007 - 2008

Well, I guess it's time to look back at the year 2007 and look forward to 2008 now.

2007 wasn't exactly one of my better years, although I feel in retrospect I've learned quite a lot. Despite the fact that a lot of things "went wrong" or made my life complicated, I think I have now realized what went wrong and why, which makes me hope I won't put myself into those kind of situations again!
During the spring, it was mostly anxiety that held me back and made things difficult for me. I don't have the time or the energy right now to evolve on that, but I think I do know why I felt so terrible, why I let the anxiety control me the way I did, and I have high hopes I won't allow that to happen again.
Summer was okay, but a bit too intense, as I ended up spending a bit too much time in the summerhouse and with my families! I have nothing against them at all, but I am in the middle of creating my own life right now, without being dependant on anyone, and spending too much time living with my familiy makes me feel like I'm 15 years old again - and doing nothing for my liberation!
I had high hopes for the autumn semester, but unfortunately they more or less fell through! This time though not because of anxiety but rather apahty! I spent about 1½ months in a state of almost complete apathy, and I'm since struggling with the consequences of that - you're not really allowed to take 1½ months' breaks when you're studying! I did have a better period around mid-November and a few weeks after that, before I completely broke down, due to most of all exhaustion ... but I'm hoping to get back to that "good", productive period I had for a few weeks now.
Christmas wasn't - as you may have read - the best either, so to summize the year 2007 ; it wasn't a great year!!

I'm trying to look forward to 2008 with a bit more optimism though. I know you can't predict what will happen, and you can't take things for granted, but at least I feel I'm taking this lousy year with me and will try to use my experiences from 2007 so as to not let the same thing happen again. I know other things can, and probably will, happen, but at least I can prevent the same thing from happening again. As time goes by I really do feel I'm learning more and more about myself, and I'm hoping I can use that in my practical every-day-life, hoping it will somehow work out better and better.

Therefore and hereby, I will try to put 2007 well and truly behind me, but at the same time use these experiences to make sure 2008 will be a lot better.

I'm wayyyyyy behind on my studies now, and I'm not sure I'll be able to sort it out the way I had hoped, but I am confident I will sort it out, one way or another! I have a really tough semester coming up, because I think I will take double courses all semester, meaning I'll be studying 200% all semester ... *yikes* Still, this is something I feel I want to do and that will benefit me in the longrun, so I hope I can keep my motivation up!

I hope you all will have a truly wonderful year 2008!
*hugs*

The Wedding Singer!

At New Year's Eve, I saw The Wedding Singer with my Mum, and it was a great experience on very many levels!!

This was originally a movie, as some of you may know, and was later adapted for the stage on Broadway in America. This production by Värmlandsoperan is the first in Europe, so that was very special of course. But the best part was that they hadn't made it "simple" and just translated the american music into Swedish, they had in fact transformed it so that it applied to Sweden! The setting, the characters, the comments, the language, everything was typically Swedish, instead of being some kind of "americanized Swedish", which is quite common these days. The musical has a clear setting in the 1980's, and since I grew up during the 1980s and the 1990s this felt very special to me - and it was made even better by the fact that it didn't mirror the 80's in America, but in fact the 80's here in Sweden!





I was thrilled to once again see Christer Nerfont perform, he is quickly becoming my favourite Swedish musical performer, but I can't help thinking that he doesn't quite get the credit he should, working at Värmlandsoperan! I have nothing against it, and I guess that's what he wants himself, but there are no doubts in my mind that he would be a huge success in the "bigger" Swedish musical productions in Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö, and also on the stage in London's West End and on Broadway! His voice is fantastic and his stage prescence outstanding!! I have seen him a few times now - I saw him as Robert in Kristina From Duvemåla, where he impressed me a lot, he did a musical concert with Karlstad University's female choir, "Söt Likör", which was wonderful, I saw him with his wife Cecilie in a Musical Highlights Concert in 2006, and now in The Wedding Singer - and he keeps impressing me!
A shame he usually works in Karlstad, I'd love to see him somewhere a little closer to home! :)
Apart from Christer, I was very impressed by Nina Lundseie, who played the femmale lead and did a fantastic job of it!!





The musical was really great, a true romantic comedy and even though I usually don't like them that much, this one was absolutely terrific!! (I think it's the romantic comedy movies I don't like, but give me a live performance on stage, and I fall completely! *lol*)
The usual twists and turns, the usual anxiety when it seems like the beautiful young girl will be stuck with the "bad man", and the usual relief and little tear in the corner of your eye at the end when the hero and princess end up together! *big smile* I enjoyed the music a lot, which was very 80's, and lots of cool references!
A lot of dancing as well, which in my experience isn't that common in musicals these days, so that was great to see - lots of talented dancers on stage at the same time!





New Year's Eve was the last performance, although nothing special happened to "celebrate" (aparently, there had been a real wedding on stage on the premiere - totally cool!!), and I have to say I wish it had played longer, because then I maybe had been able to see it once more!

The next production will be Candide during spring, but I don't know wether I'll be able to see it, it all depends on wether I'll be going to Karlstad, and how much time I get! *fingers crossed*

Overall, I strongly recommend The Wedding Singer if it will be put into production on other places, and all I can say to you all (mostly those of you in Sweden) - if you get a chance to see Christer Nerfont, don't miss him! :)

När det är din bröllopsdag
Hör på mej så lovar jag
Min musik slår an en
Ton av kärlek
När det är din bröllopsdag
Lyssna till din hjärtas slag

Sången inom dej
För kärlek är
Ja, kärlek är musik

Busy Busy!

I have tried my best at "catching up" today, but as usual, things take more time than I think! I do think I have been fairly efficiant today, so I can't complain about that, but I still feel like I'm very far behind!
I have written a few blog entries (see below), gotten my new camera to work on my computer (this whole big deal with installing programmes and whatnot), I have "redone" my bed, as I did not only get a BEAUTIFUL bed-cover (mentioned below), I also got a new mattress, a new pillow and a new blanket.
I have also taken down all the Christmas decorations (happy to get rid of them actually!), removed my answering machine - which did nothing but annoy me to death - I have unpacked all my stuff from the trip ... oh yeah, I've been labelling almost 300 blog entries!!! *yawn*

This is all practical stuff, but I know I'm going to have to deal with a lot of emotional stuff soon too, that have been pushed aside during the holidays!
Not to mention studies!! I'm in sooooo much trouble after the end of the fall, I'm not sure if I'll get out of it or not! Well, I guess I will get out of it somehow, I just don't know how!!

I'm pretty tired now, so I'm hoping for a good nights sleep, in my "new" bed, and an early morning tomorrow! I still have some stuff left to do (a few blog entries, some clearing up, shopping etc) and I simply have to get going on my studies as well!

Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Haven't had a chance to start yet!
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, cleaning, internet and more!

Two Wonderful Birthday Presents!!

Since I won't be going back to my families for my 30th birthday this year, we sort of celebrated during Christmas holidays. Since it turned out this way, most of my gifts feel like some kind of "birthday-Christmas-combination", except mainly two of them - and these two will get their own post here in the blog! :)

First and foremost, I had early on told my parents that I wanted a digital systematic camera for my birthday. I don't know much about photography, but I really want to learn and I think it's wonderful to try to compose pictures. I have only had a small automatic camera before, and while it certainly took great pictures, there were no challenge there - all I could do was point the camera and push the button!
I did get money from both my parents and on the annual sale right after Christmas I bought a wondeful NikonD40x that I'm completely thrilled about!!!! It was a really good price and I also got a proper bag for it a few days later!! So far I haven't had time to check it out properly - that will take a lot of time - but I have used the "Auto-mode", where you only adjust the zoom, and the camera does the rest - and the pictures are AWESOME!!!!! A really GREAT gift!

I knew about the camera beforehand, but I also got a surprise gift from my Mum, that I had never ever guessed. Without me knowing, she had made the most wonderful bed-cover you can ever imagine!!!!!!!!! It's HUGE and completely hand-made, and she's been working pretty much around the clock since August to get it ready - talk about feeling speachless!!!!!!!!!!
It's absolutely gorgeous and means SO much to me, since she's actually made every little bit of it herself - a fantastic gift to say the least!
I put it on to take some pictures, but I won't have it on all the time, since it'll get ruined (by cat-hairs and other dirt)! I'll only put it on for visitors! Doesn't my bedroom look SOOOO great?!!??!?!

Zorro: So Impressive!

I also have to dedicate one of my pick-up posts to Zorro, because he has been absolutely fantastic during these two weeks!!
He is getting old, and I know he cannot adapt as easily to new situations now as he used to, he finds it more difficult to come to terms with new routines etc. so I was a bit worried about how he would cope. Especially since we'd be living with my Dad and his family this time, previously Zorro and I have lived in the summerhouse and only stayed for a day or two with my Dad.

But things have worked out well above expectations!! I can see that Zorro might not have been quite so at ease as he has led the others to believe, I know him so well that I see signs that others don't, but overall, things have worked out very well!
Zorro completely accepted my little sisters, both M and I, fully and wasn't bothered by their screaming and shouting and running and jumping and playing much at all. Of course we had to be careful with I, so she wouldn't accidently hit him or pull his fur, but it worked out sooo well! I really fell for him, and had long conversations with him in her baby-lanugage!! Adorable!

The only times I felt Zorro wasn't feeling great was when I wasn't around, or when he didn't know where I was!! I can here on the way he sounds when he's upset and doesn't know where I am, and when I called him, he came running, jumping up in my lap and started purring!! I know he has missed the contact we have when we're alone together, where he can fall asleep in my lap, or we're almost always in the same room, because he hardly got any of that.

But despite this "new" situation for him, something so completely different from what is going on when we're at home, he has never complained once. He clawed a little on the furniture, but I think that was because he didn't have anywhere to do that (I have a "cat-furniture" which is made so he can claw as much as he wants on it), but apart from that and some running around, he accepted everything that went on ... so he really desvers credit for that!!

Check out him with the girls!!! :)

My Adorable Sisters!

This post is dedicated to my two adorable little sisters, M who is 3½ and I who will turn 1 in a few days!!

It was absolutely fantastic to see them again this Christmas. I didn't have the oportunity to visit them during the fall, so I hadn't seen them since this summer, and particularly I had grown a lot!!

M is really a "big girl" now, and coping sooo well! Her speach is almost spotless, she only has problems with the letter 'R' which she usually replaces with 'L', but apart from that, she's great and her vocabulary is really impressive!! It's clear she's enjoying not only speaking but reading, and she's actually learned the entire alphabet, all 28 (in the Swedish alphabet) letters!! She knows them by heart, and in the correct order if she concentrates. Her parents made her a "memory-game" but put letters instead of pictures and she played it constantly ... and she wins over most of us!! Very impressive!!
I was also happy to see that some of the tension between the sisters are gone now, since it was very tough on the entire family last spring! M can still get jealous at times, but not nearly as much, and she's really helpful with I too, which was great to see!

The biggest change since I saw them was of course I - but then again, there's a whole lot of difference between a 6 months-old baby and a 1-year-old girl, that's for sure! She's crawling around superfast, and she can stand up easily if she has something to hold on to! She's usually really happy and I was thrilled to find that she wasn't shy toward me at all! I never really "connected" with her this summer, she was very shy then, and it was tough with M, so I was very very happy to find out that I could develop a true relationship with I now! Both girls were sick, and I actually even managed to fall alseep in my lap once, when she had high fever! I know I'm repeating myself, but this means a lot to me, since M and I are my sisters on equal levels, and it hasn't really felt like that before!

Instead of rambling on, I'll let the pictures talk for themselves! :)



We celebrated three birthdays before I left, my Dad, I and mine, I is really enjoying her presents!! And M got a present too! :)

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"Santa's Little Helpers"

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Opening Christmas presents

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I's 'funny face'!! :)

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Playing 'peek-a-boo' under the table! :)

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All three sisters:

Summarizing The Holidays!

I thought I'd start my blog-comeback with a summary of the two weeks I've been gone, and later on I'll add more specific posts!
I realize this sounds terrible but to start the summary, I'm afraid I have to say:
This has officially been the worst Christmas ever!!

I usually don't like holidays at all, and especially not Christmas, because expectations are set way to high, and all you do is try to meet some of them and satisfying everyone and everything, and you always tend to end up disappointed!
And this Christmas has just been really tough for me, for a number of different reasons! I'm not sure if I'll make any kind of sense here, because these few weeks have been very confusing to say the least!
Naturally I have enjoyed my trip, meeting with my families is always great since I don't see them too often!! But despite that things haven't been great ... I'm in a very "expansive" phase of my life right now, where I'm really learning to stand on my own two feet and creating my own life. More and more the last year or six months I have felt like an adult and in that also that my real family now is me and Zorro, at least primarily! After that I have my parents and my sisters, but first and foremost, I am a family of my own (if you know what I mean). And since I have worked hard at liberating myself and learning to be this one person that is me, it has been tough living with my Dad and his family, because no matter how hard everybody tries, I still end up being the 15-year-old daughter in that family! And I find that more and more difficult to handle, as the years go by!
I'm not used to the intensity of their family either, with two girls aged 3½ and 1, there's never a moments peace, and I am somehow expected to be with them all the time, while my Dad and his partner takes care of everything else! I really love children and I like being with them, but maybe not all the time ...
I didn't get too much time with my Mum either, which felt a bit sad!! Unfortunately my Dad's whole family, including me this time, became really ill during Christmas, which also put a damper on things! My Dad's partner and I caught some really nasty colds with high fever, sore throat, lots of coughing, and the two girls got ear infections and had to take penicillin!!

I have lots of fond memories of the trip too, of course. One of the best things with this trip was really getting a connection with my younger sister, I (sorry, keeping my promise to the girls' parents not to mention their names ... if you know their names and want to comment, please do what I do and write only the initial, thanks!). I haven't felt that before so it was really nice!
It's also great to be with M now, she's grown so much!! I will make a separate entry for my sisters with more thoughts and comments and pictures!

I saw "The Wedding Singer" on New Years Eve with my Mum, which was a fantastic experience, on so many levels!! I will write a separate review and try to scan some pictures from the programme!

Overall, I can't say that this Christmas has been good or relaxing, it has been tough on many levels for me, and I have to be honest and say that I am very happy to be home right now!
Some moments and events have been more than great, but overall, I don't want to go through this again! I will try to work through my other blog entries during the day so I can start looking forward to what 2008 will bring!

Take care!

Home Sweet Home!

I'm finally back home now, after a very long and really intense day! Well, I have been home for about three hours, but I'm still totally tired.
Overall summary: Naaah, don't think I can give you that! *lol* These last few weeks have been very up-and-down, with mixed emotions and lots of thoughts! I have a number of blog entries planned here, as I feel I need to go through a lot now, but unfortunately I don't think I'll be doing them tonight! I had hoped to get a few of them done tonight, but I'm way to tired to make any kind of sense, and for a few of them I need pictures I don't even have yet! :) So I'm afraid you're going to have to wait until tomorrow to hear all about my trip, my sisters, a musical review, my thoughts on 2007 and on 2008 ... ooooh, and about my two WONDERFUL "pre-birthday"-presents! *lol*

I hope you are well, and I promise to get going with blogging properly tomorrow!
(I think I might try to start getting some labelling done though, as I need to go through and label 330 posts *lol*)


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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nothing, no time to start reading yet.
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 2) - what else?
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Errands, unpacking, clear away Christmas stuff, blogging/internet, studying

Happy New Year 2008!!

I'm sorry for the lack of blog entries lately, but I honestly don't have computer or internet access more than once or twice when I'm visiting my families, and the few minutes I get online are usually spent on catching up on emails.

I do however want to wish all of you a HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008, I hope you all will have a really great year, and for me personally, I will fight like crazy to make 2008 a better year than 2007.
I'm planning to go back home in a few days, so I hope I can make a few entries than about the holidays, about my sisters, about a musical I saw yesterday, about my thoughts on the past and the new year etc.

My poll on labels on this blog is over now, and I saw that I will also have to get started on labeling my old posts as well as the new ones in the future! :) Thanks to all of you who voted!

Take care, I'll be back soon!!

/Jessica