Feeling Ridiculous!

I'm feeling pretty stupid, but I'm actually considering going to bed at 7 p.m.!! :) I'm so utterly exhausted, and I have tons of work to do, but just staying up worrying because I don't have the energy to do anything won't do me any good, so I'm hoping to go to bed now, and instead be able to head up at about 2.30 or 3 a.m. and start studying then!

Today has been ... okay, I guess. I'm really really really tired all the time now, and that affects me in a not so positive way, actually! We had Hebrew first, and I felt my sentences were poorly prepared, and I had a higher anxiety level than I usually got ... I ended up having to read, a rather strange sentence and it just felt very awkward!! I don't think it really was that awkward, seen from an outside perspective, I got a few comments, but then again, everybody gets comments ... so I guess it was just a feeling!

Afterwards me and Lena prepared the sentences for Thursday (no lectures tomorrow!!!!), and that worked out a bit better, I think I got the hang of most of them - just one was completely impossible!!
I was supposed to start reading a book for New Testament too, but I could hardly get my eyes open, so there was not much point in doing that ...

New Testament lecture at 1, and I nearly fell asleep during the lecture! I don't think I've ever been so tired during class before EVER!!
I got home at about four, had to deal with Zorro, who tends to go insane when I've been away for long, tried to get something to eat, had to deal with Zorro - again - and quickly realized there was no WAY I would start studying tonight!

So now I'm off to bed, I hope I can get a productive day tomorrow and that I will be able to write a longer and more informative entry here then ...

"Good night!"

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Vildåsnans törst, Åke Lundqvist
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 8
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Clearing up a bit here and STUDIES and STUDIES and oh! did I mention STUDIES!

8000 Visitors - Amazing!

I haven't quite kept up with my counter lately, and just the other day I happened to notice it was closing in on 8000 visitors - and now we've passed that!
Thank you very much to all readers! :)

I had a very demanding day today, with lectures in both Hebrew and New Testament, as well as some "challenges" to face up to, so I was quite nervous this morning. As a result of that, I've suffered a pretty bad head ache all day today, but despite that, everything has worked out really well!!! And I am SO greatful for that!

I didn't leave home as early as I had planned, since it was a rather tough morning, so I wasn't at Uni until 8.45 this morning, but at least I managed to get some studying done!
Hebrew lectures first, at 10, and I really didn't want to read today because I hadn't done very well on any sentence! And to my relief, I didn't have to!!! Guess I never made it to "five-times-in-a-row", right?! *lol*
But I did managed to answer a question in class during the second half ... it's nothing big, really, it's very de-dramatized and a very relaxed situation, the group is great, and not many students seem to show up now - but despite that, I get a huge kick every time I manage to answer a question like that! :)

Afterwards I managed to buy some quick lunch before it was time for New Testament ... in a new place, at a completely different Uni Department! This was really the time for my 'challenge', but I managed to pull it off, and I think it worked out fairly well! For some reason, even the group as a whole felt different and better - as a person with Social Phobia you tend to get hypersensetive and hyperaware of group dynamics, and I have not felt comfortable in the NT group (it's the same one I took the Old Testament with too), but today it felt a lot better, for some reason!! During the break we have I always feel rather awkward, I haven't really found anyone I can relax together with, even though I am on "speaking-terms" with several students, but I was really tired and most of the others had headed outside, so I decided to follow! When I arrived it sort of came naturally to join a group of 5-6 students, I don't say much (hardly anything), but at least I'm not standing by myself some distance away, right?! After a while our teacher came, and started talking to us, and that usually makes me even more nervous than just being around other students, but somehow I could become even more active when he arrived! Cool! He will be teaching the next course I'm going to take to, Biblical Interpretation, so I guess it's good if I can start feeling a bit more relaxed around him!

The headache has been with me though, so I just barely managed to prepare the Hebrew sentences for tomorrow (and they didn't quite work out either!), but I haven't even started on the New Testament stuff yet ... so I'm feeling kind of stressed out over that! SO much that has to be done in a VERY short time ...
I hope I can keep away from headaches most of the time the next week and a half, because I really need to be 110% efficient the entire time!

But now I'm going to try to get some sleep, to get rid of the headache and to be able to get up at 4.30 tomorrow morning! *yawn*

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Vildåsnans törst, Åke Lundqvist
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 8
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, studies at Uni, New Testament lecture, studies

Moving On To Paul!

Having spent most of yesterday reading through the New Testament, today I have focused on the epistles of Paul! Actually not my favourite part of the Bible, or the New Testament, so I'm more and more realizing why I'm going to focus my further studies on the Old Testament!
I feel so much more inspired and interested in the Hebrew studies, even just plain old language studies with a million different verb forms, than the New Testament, so at least I'm finding out I have made the right choice when it comes to future studies! :)

The next week and a half will be sooooo demanding!! I really hope I can keep up with writing an entry here once a day, but I won't promise anything! Until next Wednesday I'm supposed to:

• Read one book and answer questions in regards to it (have read the first chapters and done questions today).
• Read another book and write an 8 page-long paper on it.
• Write another paper (won't know any details until tomorrow about that)
• Prepare for a seminar on Thursday
• Read yet another book on which we will a "group-exam" (kind of complicated story) next Tuesday (March 18)

So yeah, I will keep busy! *dreading it already*
On top of that I will have to keep up in Hebrew and it least prepare the sentences for each lecture. I know I'm going to have "let go" of the Hebrew assignments if things gets to much, but I know that if I stop preparing for each lecture, I probably will fall so far behind I won't be able to catch up. So even though I won't "study" any Hebrew, I still have to prepare the sentenecs for each day, otherwise I don't think I can continue with that course ...
But needless to say, it won't be easy ...

Wish me luck!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: An introduction to the study of Paul - David G Horrell
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 8
Currently listening to: I'll Never Tell, Once More With Feeling
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies at the Department, Hebrew lecture, New Testament lecture, running errands

The New Testament - A Crash Course!

Today has been all, all, all about studying ... and "Stargate SG-1" inbetween! *lol*
I quickly realized that if I'm going to be able to study the litterature for the New Testament course properly, I really need to read through the New Testament first ... I started a while ago, but didn't get THAT far ... today I started with the Gospel of John and actually finished it, right through the Book of Revelations ... though my head was aching so bad afterwards ... a bit too much of sacrificial lambs and blood and scrolls and Holy Spirits ...
Still, I'm really glad I got through it today, because that means I can start studying "more properly" tomorrow morning! I'm quickly realizing how very much I have to do now, so I hope I can stay efficient!
This last week was quite intense for me, and I was always exhausted when I got home, so I didn't get much studying done at home ... meaning I now have A LOT of it!! Next week seems to be a bit slower though, I have double lectures (Hebrew and New Testament) on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, but I don't have any lectures at all on Wednesday and Friday, so that feels very good! Since I'm travelling to and from Uni, only that takes about an hour in each direction, so being able to be home for an entire day make things a lot more efficient ...

In my breaks I'm currently going through my "Stargate SG-1" box! *YAY!* Watched "Heroes" a few days ago, and I had totally forgotten how wonderful those sets of episodes are ... really fantastic! Also, a true favourite is "The Lost City", which I recently watched (along with the follow-ups "The New Order") - boy, do I love this show or what?!!? Thrilled to actually find a {deliberate??} typo on the dvd with "The Lost City" ... it said Audio Commentary was by Director Martin Wood, and I have enjoyed his commentaries before, so I decided to watch it! And to my surprise and delight it turned out to be not only Martin Wood but also writer Robert Cooper AND my favourite actress Amanda Tapping!! *YAY! - again!* :)

Ah well, I know it's fairly early yet, but since Zorro usually decides it's time to go up at about 4 a.m. these days, I'd like to get early nights to get some sleep at least!
Hope you're enjoying your weekend! :)

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Just finished the New Testament
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 8
Currently listening to: "Vildgräs", Kristina From Duvemåla (Anders Ekborg)
My Plans for tomorrow: New Testament studies

A Good But Tired Day!

Today has been really good, but I have been extremely tired!!
It was a pain to get up at about 4.30 this morning, but at least I was studying Hebrew sentences at the Department at 7.45 (my train gets in rather early)!! Lecture as usual, and can you believe it: I was asked to read AGAIN!! I know it's more or less "circumstantial", not really, but close enough, but it still feels rather strange, fourth time in a row?!!? Still, like I said in my previous entry, I am greatful for it, so I guess I shouldn't say anything about it! I guess it's hard for me not to think back at last spring and what this would have done to me then ... I'd probably dropped the course entirely, I think!

After lectures, some of us including our teacher went for coffee at a nearby Department! I had a vague idea about going to a mall afterwards, mostly to do "something" other then go from studies at home to studies at Uni and then back to studies at home, but I wasn't sure about times and hadn't quite made up my mind! When we broke up our little coffe-date, I realized I might have had about 2-3 minutes to get to a bus stop in order to get to the mall (otherwise I would have had to wait for over half an hour, and I probably would have gone home instead). I walked rather quickly had an eye out for the bus the entire time ... I got to the bus stop and about 15 seconds later, the bus arrived! Is that great timing or what?!

I didn't buy anything at the mall, though I certainly could have!! One store had a sale on dvd box sets for 99:- (about US$16) and another store had the book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince", hardcover in English (these books are very expensive in Sweden) for 69:- (about US$11) ... but I managed to not buy anything ... my economy is very strained at the moment, to say the least, and the litterature for the courses I'll be taking are quite expensive!

I had planned to stay about an hour, and take a bus home at 12. Those buses only go once an hour, so it had a bit to do with timing. I got tied up, and thought I was going to miss my bus, I rushed to the bus stop and once again, I had to wait maybe a minute, then the bus showed up! Lucky me!

Unfortunately I've been completely exhausted tonight! I know I maybe could consider taking Friday night off ... and of course I have, since I haven't had the energy to do anything at all ... but I can't help feeling bad, because I have SO much to do, I really don't have time to take any kind of break!
Still, I'm really tired right now and it's only 9 p.m. so I'm hoping if I can fall asleep fairly soon, I should be able to be up and about pretty early tomorrow morning!

Take care - I hope you will have a great weekend!!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible - The Gospel of Luke
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 7
Currently listening to: Brother Louie - Modern Talking
My Plans for tomorrow: Heavy studying!

Quick Recoveries!

I think what I have mostly thought about today, is my ability to quickly recover from set-backs these days! I felt rather down yesterday night, and even though nothing of what went wrong then has been solved yet, I have still been able to go through with this day and make it work out really well ... which also means that what happened yesterday don't get quite so big, and it doesn't destroy the rest of my life ... which it usually did earlier!

Hebrew lectures this morning, I was asked to read again!! It's the third time in a row now, but I'm actually really greatful for it, because even though it doesn't bother me anymore, I still have the feeling of the more I do it, the better prepared I will for future challenges, no matter what they are! I also got the "funny sentence" today, everybody - including me and our teacher! - laughed at it: (attempting to transcribe) mawaet basir, which roughly translates: "There's death in the pot!" *lol*
Things worked out well at lectures, and toward the end, we read The Lord's Prayer in Hebrew, which was quite nice! We've come so far now, that we could read quite a lot of it, and given help with certain words, pretty much all of it ... very exciting! One verb-form looked a bit strange, and our teacher said that we had covered this and wondered if anyone dared trying to analyze it ... I did, and I was correct!! YAY! I hope this doesn't sound too pretentious, because I certainly don't intend to be that, I'm just trying to clarify how very far I have come in this class, because this was not even in my imagination last year! During this part of the course last year, I think I was at, at the most, one lecture a week (there's usually five!) ... so there's such a massive difference, I find it difficult to explain!

I had a study-date with Lena afterwards, and even though a lot of sentences were very strange, at least we managed to prepare all of them.
At 12 I met Johanna for lunch, and it was really great catching up with her again!! I'm so completely up in my studies now, everything I do focuses on one course or another, and it's a great relief to just take a break from it and relax a bit! Sara is visiting Martin in the very north of Sweden right now, but it won't be toooo long before she's back, so I hope we can have another "girl's night", the three of us, when she's back (and hopefully after my New Testament-exam ....)!!

I've been massively tired all afternoon, so I haven't gotten quite as much done as I had hoped! I've been very tired for a while now, and also suffered a lot of headaches ... so I'm thinking I need to start taking a lot of vitamins! I'm probably not getting enough of them at all these days, and I think that could at least prevent me from being exhausted all the time! :)

Soon weekend! Makes no major difference for me, as I have to study sooooo much all the time now - I really should read one book and write an 8 or 9 pages long report on it during this weekend!! *nervous laugh* Don't think I'll cope with that, but I have to at least get most of it done, that's for sure!!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: New Testament - The Gospel of Mark
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 7
Currently listening to: Les Misérables 21st Anniversary Concert
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, studies, possibly shopping ...

Several Little Things!

I really have had an okay day today, but several little things have not gone right, and enough little things going wrong has still made me in a bad mood tonight! I'm not really complaining, because the way I'm generally feeling now, and have been for almost the entire semester, is absolutly amazing, and I don't think I've felt this good - generally speaking - anytime ever!! But I still can't help but be a little annoyed about these things not quite working out today ...

Sorry about the vagueness, but at least one of these things happened quite fast and a bit unexpected, so I haven't been able to process it properly myself yet - which is why I don't feel like writing about it here - and I'm hoping that once I have been able to work my way through it, it won't feel quite so bad and I will be able to handle it ...

Short blog entry today, the only thing that has really happened today was that I met a friend and her 2½ months old son - he'd grown a lot in two months, and I had a lovely "conversation" with him when we met! :)
Other than that - not much ...
But hey, at least I'm sticking to my 'once-a-day-blogging' concept ... points for effort?! :)

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Should jump ahead to the New Testament of the Bible ...
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 7
Currently listening to: Where in the World (Secret Garden, London Cast), Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, Hebrew studies, lunch with Johanna, New Testament studies

Some Good News ... And Some Bad!

Mixed feelings about today ... mostly good, but some bad as well! Despite I have to go against the chronological order of the day, I will start off with the bad news, only to be able to finish off with the positive ones ... :)

I'm supposed to have a seminar tomorrow, in my New Testament-course ... which I will not go to! *sigh* I had high hopes of going to seminars at this course, but not everything this semester works out! I have missed a few lectures, because I've been sick, so aparently I missed when our teacher handed out the instructions for the semiar. I found this out today, and I tried to work my way up to actually be able to approach him and ask for the instruction, and that wasn't easy! Things are generally a lot better now than before, but this group in Bible Studies (the Old and New Testament-courses are parts of a larger Bible Studies course, so it's the same group of students) ... well, I don't feel quite comfortable in this group, so things that in some way attract attention to me feel rather tough (you can notice the difference in Hebrew, a different group of students, where I'm almost always completely at ease!) ... I think I had mananged to overcome the most acute anxiety regarding the seminar-instructions, when I realized that what we had to prepare was SO much, it would have taken .... I'd make a guess and say maybe 5-7 hours! ... and that only made my anxiety worse again.
And then the thing that made me realize I would not go .... We were supposed to analyze a number of New Testament-texts, and our teacher says he should read the text out loud, because ancient texts were meant to be oral, so we should practice on how to read it, in order to best mediate the text's message ... and then we could "perform" and "dramatize" the texts during the seminar!! *YEAH RIGHT!!!* I'm NOT doing any kind of dramatic act in this group, that's for sure!!!! So, aparently, I'm going to have to make some written complement instead ....
This dampened my otherwise good mood, because I had really hoped I could have joined in the seminars on this course ... but with this final thing, no way!! And hey!! Since when are we required to act just to study the Bible?!?!? Okay, granted, those studying to be priests or ministers might have to "act" or "perform", but that is not my thing!!!
Okay, enough rambling, moving on to more positive news! :)

First out, Hebrew class this morning!! I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself more then I do when I'm there. Sure, I'm nervous and have slight levels of anxiety at times, but overall, I love this class!!! The group is really nice and friendly, our teacher is very passionate and wonderful with a great sense of humour, and I really feel at ease and like I belong there!!
I was asked to read again today ... luckily I got a really easy sentence that hardly even needed analyzing, but I'm just so extremely happy that I'm going through with this in the manner I am!!
During the second half of the lecture, we read a modern Hebrew text, which was totally cool!! We started yesterday and finished today ... there were a lot of laughs, since we are mostly used to the quite liturgical language of the Hebrew Bible - and this visit by two aparently illterate restaurang-visitors was quite funny! I also managed to answer a question that was related to this modern Hebrew text - yay me! :)

I spent the "break" between lectures (10-1) studying, mostly ... and during the New Testament lecture (before the semiar-thing came up) we found out that our Old Testament-exam was ready ... *gulp* I was most curious, especially since they are implementing a new grading system now, to more easily adapt to the European educational system ... It will take a while to get used to though ...:)
I was happily surprised when I got my exam though ... I scored 24 out of 28, which was a B (in the old system, the high grade, VG)!! I more easily reference the old system, as I'm used to that, and I'm very happy to get VG, as I really didn't think I would (I thought it not impossible I'd passed, but to get VG was quite unexpected!)!!
Also, something to think about! Practically (even though I've made some special arrangements), this semester I've been taking two full-time courses at the same time, and taking this exam and the "test" we did for Hebrew a while back - I've gotten VG on both of them!! *proud*

So, even though the end of the day at Uni was a bit disappointing, overall I'm in a good mood and have had quite a good day today! :)
Since this seminar-thing happened, I've had to change my plans for tomorrow a bit though. No seminar, obviously! I was also supposed to have lunch with Johanna, but since it's turned out like this, I really don't feel like going into town or the Department tomorrow, so I'm hoping we can re-schedule .... so tomorrow I'll only go to see a good friend and her young son in the afternoon - the rest of the time I can study at home ....

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Litterature to my courses
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 7
Currently listening to: The Ghost Song, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting a friend, studies!

2nd Day In A Row!

Yes, so far managing to stay to my new "once-a-day" blogging! *lol*

I've had a completely Hebrew-focused day today, I met a friend at about 9 this morning and we studied Hebrew until our lecture began at 1, and then when I got home I prepared all the Hebrew sentences until tomorrow! Yay me! :)
Hebrew lectures are really working out fantastic right now!! I'm still lacking a fair bit of knowledge, it's a lot to take in, and I know there are certain areas I really should work a lot on, but lectures are just working out so great right now - and compared to last year, it's an astronomical difference! I think from a completley outside perspective, if somebody who didn't know me or my background or my problems, had been in class last year and now, they would have sworn I was two different persons!!! :)
Like today ... I had prepared the sentences, but I had rushed through them a bit, I didn't quite feel like they had worked out well, and this of course, made me feel anxious! The anxiety levels are nowhere near what they were a year ago, but they are there, I cannot deny that. Usually our teacher "asks" somebody to read and translate, but today he started out by asking for volunteers ... a few students responded to this, but after a while, nobody said anything ... Our teacher asked me, and it was completely out of the blue, he didn't follow any "order" and he was randomly choosing from about 15 people, so I was completely unprepared - but I read it, and I made some translation or other, and it just .... it works out! I even read wrong, which was possibly my worst fear last year, because one dot aparently indicated not one, but two things in this word - and how was I to know that?!
I think what really really amazes me though, it perhaps not so much the fact that I do read and go through with that part of things, it's the fact that when I'm doing something "wrong", it doesn't bother me!! Our teacher is the kindest man possible, and he never makes you feel bad or anything like that, but had this incident today - where I read a word wrong - happened a year ago, I don't think I would have made it to class in a number of weeks actually! And now I can just shrug it off! Amazing!!

Just one thing about Hebrew that isn't great ... sometimes our teacher asks us more general Biblical questions, that are relevant to what we are talking about! Very very often, I know the answer, but I have as of yet never been able to answer ... and that really bugs me!! Like today, he asked what two kings were regarded as "righteous" (mostly in the 2 Books of Kings), and I knew the answer (don't know their names in English - sorry! - but for those of you who read Swedish, they were Hiskia and Josia) - but somewhere in my mind this little voice kept saying: "Don't take a chance, what if you are wrong???" And that totally bugs me!!!
I know I've come such a long way this semester, and things are working out for me like never before, but it's hard to settle for that, because now that I see things actually can work out, I want to make everything I can out of it! I guess I'm just going to have to keep trying, right?

Now I'm also hoping to catch up in my New Testament course. We have a seminar on Wednesday, and I'm quite nervous about that - I haven't been to any seminars this semester, and I do find that difficult to deal with. Also, that group is nowhere as nice as the Hebrew group, which also hightens anxiety levels. I am fairly sure I will cope, but I am also fairly sure it will be difficult! I'm hoping we will get further information on what the seminar will be about, questions to think about etc at lectures tomorrow, because I know that if I'm going to cope, I need to be really prepared!!
I really should read some New Testament litterature now, but I'm really tired, and I have a very long day tomorrow, so I'm guessing I'll postpone that, and try to get to bed instead.

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: New Testament litterature - and the Bible (Song of Songs)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 6
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, Hebrew studies, New Testament lecture

Trying For March!?

I really do want to keep this blog updated every day, but these days it seems impossible! *sigh* Guess I'll have to give it a new try during March, right?! :) I enjoy this blog, and it keeps getting visitors, so I will try to make an effort to update it more regularly!

What's been going on? Well, it's easily summarized: STUDIES!! I don't do much apart from studying these days, as you might have noticed - and as boring as it may sound, I really am enjoying myself! Sure, some days aren't that great - I've suffered a cold for about a week which of course has put a damper on my mood, but overall, I think things are working out really well! We did an unofficial "trial-test" in Hebrew last week, nothing serious at all, we got to take it home and prepare it, our teacher didn't grade it, he just went through the correct answers during class - but I pretended it was a real exam, studied for it, and performed it in a "proper" manner ... and to my huge surprise, it turned out I would only get 2 points below the maximum score .... Knowing how things were last semester, this is truly amazing, and that made my day - even though my cold was really terrible! :)

I started feeling better and better during the weekend, so I managed to do a real cleaning of my entire apartment, which was more than neccessary, that's for sure, and I've also gotten quite a bit of studying in, so at least the weekend doesn't feel like a complete waste ... even though there's always that little voice inside you, telling you that you could have done more and more and more ... :)

I have a very heavy week coming up, so I hope I can go to bed early tonight!!
Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for Hebrew studies at 9, then it's lectures at 1 (still haven't decided if I'm going to New Testament or Hebrew, as they are colliding, but that's a long story ...).
On Tuesday I have Hebrew 8-10 and New Testament 1-3, so I'm hoping to get some studying done during the break.
On Wedesday I have a New Testament seminar 10-12, I'm having lunch with Johanna at 12, and then around 2-3 I'm meeting a friend and her young son in Malmö!
Thursday and Friday are "easy days" with only Hebrew 8-10 .... but I have a feeling I will be rather tired on Friday afternoon, that's for sure! :)

I hope you all had a great weekend - and wish me luck on my intention of writing something here every day! :)

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Litterature for the courses I'm taking
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 6
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studying, lectures