Trying Hard To Keep My Sanity!

Okay, maybe it's not all that bad, but I do feel rather drained of most everything right now. I'm in kind of a weird spot actually, because I still REALLY like what I do, I've truly found my passion, I enjoy demanding courses and stuff that forces me to really learn and connect and create something - and at the same time I'm completely exhausted and totally stressed out, meaning I'm kind of upset at all the demanding courses that forces me to do lots of things! *lol* Life sure is confusing these days! :)

We had Old Testament lectures this morning, and I'm in a bit of a problem with that course now. We're supposed to start on parts of Isaiah tomorrow, and while I have prepared most of the texts for tomorrow, I have prepared none for Friday, and I simply won't have the time to do it tomorrow ... *yikes* I know it's not really required of me, and lots of students that take the course "for real" aren't prepared, but I know I feel better when I am, and I also find it easier to follow the lecture and get good notes if I am prepared. Unfortunately I've already gone beyond the possibilty of pulling even one single all-nighter right now, I need at least five hours, hopefully more, every night to function now ... *sigh* Not much to do, I guess.

I got some work done in the library afterwards, the book that didn't exist yesterday and suddenly appeard today, three copies of it! *lol* So at least I could get that part done! I've worked on it at home as well, and while I'm not "finished" in any sense of the word, at least I know I have something to present and discuss at the seminar tomorrow - and that's the main thing. Also, since I have Old Testament lectures 8-10 and the seminar is at 1, I will get 3 hours in the library tomorrow as well, to work on it some more ...

Oh yeah - Sweden made it to semi-finals in the Ice Hockey Championships after beating the Czech Republic, in sudden death! It was a really exciting game, I should have studied, but I at least had to watch the third period and the sudden death! YAY Sweden!!! :)

And speaking of getting five hours sleep (preferably more) per night, and the fact that I have to get up at 4 a.m. ... I should go to bed now!
Good night!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Stuff for my essay/paper
Currently watching: The Ice Hockey Championships
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lecture, studies at the library, Biblical Interpretation seminar, more studies

Not As Planned!

I had this really great plan for today, and it didn't work out at all *sigh*! Things are hectic enough as it is right now, and I kind of need things to work out if I'm going to cope.

I had Old Testament lectures this morning, and it worked out fine - actually really well! :) Then I was supposed to have a study session in the library ... when I realized I'd forgotten most of the stuff I needed for one assignment, and the book I had to use for the other assignment was gone ... wasn't in the library! *sigh*
So I had to go home early, and I know I'm never as efficient at home as I am in the library, so naturally I haven't gotten as much done as I had hoped ... :(

Now I'm really tired, and of course Zorro has decided to go completely insane! He's been very calm for a few days now, so I kind of hoped he had settled down a bit - yeah right! *rolling eyes* All I hear right now is him screaming and a lot of thumps and bangs and crashes - I have no idea what's going on in the other rooms, and to be honest, I'm too tired to care right now! I really don't care if he wrecks the place, I just cannot walk around holding him in my arms every minute he's awake - since that is the only way to stop him!
Okay I'm sorry, I know I'm sounding harsh, and I will regret this later on ... but sometimes my patience just runs out ...

Due to all the mishaps today, and the fact that I haven't gotten as much done as I had planned, I had to cancel on a friend I was meeting tomorrow! I was really looking forward to the meeting, as I had to cancel the last one we were having too, but there's just no way I can fit it in right now!

As you can tell, my mood isn't really great right now - but some good things have actually happened today, so I guess I'll have to try and keep them in mind instead of drowning in all the bad things! Anyway, I have a long day tomorrow (Old Testament at 8 a.m., then I can hopefully complete the study session at the library that I couldn't do today), so I'd better head off to bed.

Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Various books for my Biblical Interpretations paper/essay
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lecture and lots of STUDIES!

A Very Long Day Indeed!

Oh wow, it seems incredible I'm even here blogging! I'm completely exhausted and am serioiusly considering going to bed at 8 p.m.!! :)

Yesterday was pretty terrible, I don't really know why, but the entire day was horrible! *shivers* Which of course I'm paying for now, since I didn't get much done, and now am even more behind! *deep sigh*
I stumbled up early this morning, and went to Uni around nine ... sat in the library constantly studying (except for an 8 minute long banana-coffee break <-- lunch!) until 3 p.m. - did get some stuff done, but most of this is very abstract with lots of lovely phrases and words nobody understands ... well, the problem arises when you're supposed to actually put words down on paper considering those fancy words and phrases you can't grasp the mening of ... It will not be easy to complete this paper, that's for sure!! At 3.15 we had the first of two seminars ... and I think the basic idea is really good - but I'm not sure if I think it turned out so good ... We're supposed to present our paper to the other members of a smaller group (though not me today as I was SO not ready!), and the other members are supposed to give feedback or even "challenge" the presentator so he or she can really clarify why they've written what they have, why they've reached a certain conclusion etc ... AND we were also supposed to discuss some "questions" presented to us at the beginning ... I felt it was interesting to sit in our little groups, but not much "happened" ... We mostly talked about how difficult things were and two members presented their work, but it was more like we just listened to it, I didn't experience much interaction ... Ah well - in one way or another I guess I'll survive both the second seminar on Thursday and the paper in itself ... We were done until after 5 p.m. so I wasn't home until 6 and by then I was completely out of it! I've eaten a little and spent some time in front of the computer, but there's not a chance in Hell I'm going to be able to study any more tonight - so I think I'll go to bed, and maybe I can get in a little while of studying before Old Testament lectures tomorrow ... might be a bit optimistic as I have to leave at 6.45, but who knows!? :) I made two Amanda Tapping graphics using a digi-scrap kit I downloaded a while back, I think they turned out pretty nice! Take care!



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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Various commentaries/dictionaries and other books, mostly concerning Biblical Interpretation of Deuteronomy
Currently watching: Ice Hockey Championships (Switzerland-Russia, I think?)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lectures, studies - both at home at at Uni

Bothered By The Heat!

We're currently in a heat wave here and I don't like it!! I've never liked the heat, and I don't think I ever will. Granted, I can take it if I know I don't have to do anything at all and can just relax with a good book and a cold shower nearby, but otherwise, I really really don't like it!!!
You can't help but feel stupid too, because everybody is just soooo excited about it being so lovely weather and the sun is shining and it's nice and hot outside and blah blah blah ... and you just hate it ....

I've tried working on Biblical Interpretation studies today - just realized I'm gonna totally have to focus on that for the next 1½ weeks or so ... partly the essay we're writing and partly the article I'm going to discuss with the professor at some point, since my migraine attack stopped me from being there for the oral presentation ... But I haven't gotten much done, the heat has totally bothered me all the time - I'm having extreme difficulties concentrating and my mood has been outright horrible!!

I overslept too, so the morning was totally slow, and I had to go shopping - hoping also that I might feel a bit more upbeat if I at least got out of the apartment ... but the only result from the shopping trip was extreme sweating, difficulty breathing (due to heat combined with allergies I think) and also some rather nasty dizzy spells, which had me a bit worried! I don't really think there's something serious, it's probably from being exhausted, but I guess my body really is telling me I've done enough now! Unfortuntately, Uni doesn't think so ...

Aparently we're gonna get equally hot tomorrow - GAAAAH! - but better (that is: colder!!) starting next week! Unfortunately, I have a really intense workload tomorrow, so I'm not sure how I'm gonna cope with that if I'm gonna have to do it in a 30-degree heat!

Sorry about the whining, I'm just in a terrible mood!! I spent some time in front of the computer tonight, so I did a Philip Quast wallpaper ... not that happy about it, but I guess it's okay ...




Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Biblical Interpretation stuff
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies!!

Final Date Is Set!

I had Old Testament lectures this morning, and I got the chance to speak to the professor about my Reading course, that I'm taking for him as well. We decided on a date for my exam, which will be the last thing I'll do during this very eventful semester. Part of me wanted to put it fairly early - the sooner you can get summer vacation the better, right?! :) - but part of me also knew that I'm have serious problems getting everything done, especially now since I'm actually doing three courses at the same time! So I decided to push it the other way instead, so the date is set to June 12th! *gulp* I think that will work out, I have a ton of work to do for Biblical Interpretation now, so I won't have much time to work on my reading course - but hopefully I'll get rid of the Biblical Interpretation stuff fairly soon ... we're supposed to be done with it on May 21st, but I have a feeling I might be handing one or two papers in a bit late ... but I should have it all done by around May 25th, and that gives me a bit over 2 whole weeks to get through the rest of the reading course - so I hope I can manage that!

Otherwise, not much new to report here ... Old Testament lectures like I said this morning, they are always very interesting, and even though I'm up to my ears in work right now, I will definately miss those lectures (who would have thought that considering what I went through on that course last spring?!!!!!)!! The professor on that course will retire this summer (or early fall) and it's a real shame, because he's one of the better ones I've ever had. I think he'll stick around anyway, after all, professors don't really retire, do they, but I know he won't teach anymore! Makes me very happy I decided to take this course again, while he's still running it!!

Otherwise I've tried to work on the Biblical Interpretation Essay most of the day ... it's coming along, but very slowly! I had intended to stay at Uni today, working in the library, since there are some books there I'm gonna need, but I've been bothered by headaches pretty much every day now, and I don't dare risking it turning into another migraine, so I had to go home right after lectures. I can sit during Monday morning, but I'm still not sure I'll be done with everything before the seminar! It seems we'll only discuss/present our essays in smaller groups, so I hope I won't get into too much trouble if I haven't completely finished it.

I spoke to my Dad tonight, and he told me my oldest sister, M, had spent a great deal of today thinking about Zorro ... she kept asking him questions; "What do you think Zorro is doing now, Dad?" .... "Dad, is it summer soon, so Zorro will come and visit us?" Is she adorable or what?!?!
Still don't know anything about summer, but I have a feeling it will be rather intense. I want to spend time with my families and in the summerhouse, I need to spend some time at home, partly hanging out with friends, partly writing an entire essay, I'd love to visit Annika as I haven't seen her properly in ages, there's talk of planning a London trip which can - hopefully - be fairly easily arranged from where my Dad live (then he and his family can take care of Zorro, so I don't have to worry about that) - and my Dad and the family also wants to plan some kind of vacation, hopefullly combining that with visiting me here ... eh, confusing? Oh yeah!!
Still, I'll try not to think too much about that right now, my brain is occupied enough trying to get through the last of my studies!

Also on a short note, tomorrow my thoughts will be with a friend from the Old Testament-course who's getting married tomorrow! All the Best!!

Take care everyone, hope you're enjoying your Friday night!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Biblical Interpretation stuff
Currently watching: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Currently listening to: Face of a Stranger, Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES!

In For An Intense Weekend!

While I feel I have gotten back from my own personal 'black hole' now, and I've had a really good day today, unfortunately my studies aren't going as well as I'd like them to ... I have fallen very far behind, and I'm having serious difficulty focusing and concentrating the way I should.

We have to present a major paper on Monday, for Biblical Interpretation - it's not supposed to be the final paper, but a finished one is to be presented in smaller groups, so we can give each other feedback and hints on what to improve, before we write the final draft ... and I've hardly even started!! *gasp* It is really interesting stuff, but I can't help but wish I didn't have to stress through it so much ... But I definately know I won't be doing anything besides studying these three days that's left now. I had some vague hope of getting home early tomorrow, as it's Friday, but I quickly realized that a lot of the books I need for the paper are only avaliable at the library, so I'm guessing I'll be stuck there all day tomorrow ... *yawn* Ah well, I really really really do want to finish the semester in a good way, so I guess I'll just have to do what it takes, right?! ;)

Anyway, today has been a really good day, so I'm hoping I can get some energy from that! I am having problems getting up at 4 a.m. though, which is why I'm going to make this an early night and head off to bed. I slept very poorly last night, it took a long time before I could fall alseep, and only after half an hour I woke up from a terrible nightmare, I was practically scared to death and completely froze - it sounds crazy I know, for a 30-year-old to wake up so terrified from a nightmare, I could hardly move ... but I guess some dreams really get to you!
I'm hoping for a calmer night tonight though!

Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Lots about different Biblical Interpretation Methods
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lecture and lots of studying!

Into A Black Hole - And Back!

It certainly feels like I've been into a black hole these past few days, but it seems I've made my way back now! :)
I spent most of Monday studying, and during the late afternoon I was going to review an article, as I had a group presentation on that on Tuesday morning. I had had a headache more or less all day, and it quickly developed into a purely horrible migraine!! There was no way I could get anything done, so I stumbled to bed and set my alarm to 2 a.m. hoping that most of the headache/migraine would be gone, and I would be able to finish the presentation then ... and no, it didn't work! (Guess I hadn't really thought it would work either ...) I was in just as much pain when I woke up - and most of Tuesday!!
Since every moment on that course (Biblical Interpretation) is mandatory, and I had left my group hanging, I had to spend some time trying to apologize to all the other group memebers, as well as trying to get hold of the teacher and work out some alternate solution to this whole article-thing.
It did work out - I'm gonna have a personal meeting with him and discuss it later - but the whole migraine attack and all it's consequences really came at the worst possible moment in my life!
Though hardly surprising I suppose, considering how much strain I'm under now ...

I couldn't do anything at all yesterday apart from lying in my bed ... great day - not!!
Still, I started getting better last night, and even though studies was out of the question, at least I felt I was over the worse ...

Now I'm hopefully back on track again - so I can catch up on ever more lost time!! I was at Old Testament-lectures this morning, and had intended to stay at Uni to study. However, after merely half an hour, my headache was starting to come back - GAH!!! I immediately went home, ate a little, took a load of pills, and slept for almost two hours - and that did the trick! *yes!!*

I have managed to get some studies done this afternoon and tonight, which feels good - but I'm still WAAAAAY behind on pretty much everything, so I don't think I'll feel "good" about my life until this whole mess is over - because at least I know I have done what I could then ... now I'm just generally frustrated about pretty much everything ....

Also watched pits and pieces of the Ice Hockey World Championships tonight - but rather wish I hadn't!! Sweden lost to Switzerland and thereby lost the first place in the first group play! *deep sigh* I didn't watch the entire game, but it certainly didn't feel like Sweden gave all they really could ... ah well - the world doesn't end because of a hockey game, right?! :)

Tomorrow I'm up early for Old Testament lectures again, and then I'm hoping to be able to get some studying done at the library, so fingers crossed for no more headaches, right?! ;)

Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: A great mess of books ....
Currently watching: Ice Hockey World Championships (Sweden - Switzerland)
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Israeli Radio Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lecture, studies

Gathering My Composure!

Sunday night is good for reflections deep thoughts, right?! ;)
Seriously though, while I haven't gotten as much studying done as I had hoped - so what else is new?? *rolling eyes* - I have done a lot of thinking! Mostly tonight, when I went for an hour long walk by the ocean - a great way of gathering your thoughts and hopefully reaching some conclusions.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to change the way my life is right now, I'm really worn out and tired, and very confused and stressed out, but I know I at least have to try!! I have 4-5 (depending on the date for my last exam which isn't set yet) weeks left of this semester - and I have a work-load I don't want to go into - but this is my one single chance of actually finishing this semester in a decent and right way!
I have felt better, mentally speaking, than I think I ever have before in my entire life this spring - a lot of things just seem to fall into place, and since I have had to fight so hard for every little step in the right direction before, this is quite an amazing feeling! I feel very strongly about this, and I know that no one can ever take away what I already have accomplished this far. But since I have been feeling so well and things have just worked out in some mysterious way, I feel very motivated to actually finish this semester in the same way! I'm not saying I'll get VG on every exam I have left, I hardly think that will happen, but I want to give everything I have to complete this semester, to not postpone things, to hand in assignments and do my exams ....

And if I am going to be able to that, I'm gonna have to study something like 20 hours a day for the next 4-5 weeks ... and that's where the problems lie of course ...
It's not that I don't mind studying really, since I am very interested and still feel very motivated - the problems are:

1. I am really really tired, which means I have serious difficulties in concentrating and keeping a focus on what I do for more than a few minutes ...
2. The work-load is enormous!! I have to translate - and learn, I think (?!) - over 200 long Bible-verses (Hebrew), and I have to read about 1500 pages of litterature, do one oral presentation, write 2 papers (minimum 4 pages each) and write one larger exam/paper/essay .... *gaaaah*
   

This makes it really hard to just get going and doing it! I usually want to feel like I bury myself in something and then get it done, it's finished, over and I can put it behind me! Well, all these assignments are so big and difficult (both courses now are on "Advanced" level) that I simply cannot put aside 4 hours or 6 hours or even a day, and then complete one project ... and that makes my concentration wander - and things start getting very difficult!

Still, during all my thinking-sessions today I have really come to realize, that if I'm going to have at least one minimal chance of completing this semester in a satisfactory fashion, I'm gonna have to start throwing everything aside, and give 200% of my life in order to get this done.
And I DO WANT to do that - I really do! - I just hope I can keep thinking these thoughts every waking minute of every day for the next 4-5 weeks ... because that might be difficult!

Heavy entry tonight ...
Naturally I had my camera with me on my walk tonight, so here are a few favourites ...:) Actually a lot of photos turned out pretty good, so it was a bit hard to choose! :) (Another favourite has been posten on the Everyday Pictures! blog!)





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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: God only knows ...
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 9
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies at the Department - more studies ....

Yup, It's Still Confusing!

Guess I'll be stuck with this confusion until the end of the semester, right?!
Generally, my mood has been better today than before, but I still haven't managed to get much done at all ... *frustration big time!*

I don't think I should get into an entry about my life right now, because I won't be able to make heads or tails of it, and you'll be both confused and bored to death ... and I wouldn't want that! ;)
Anyway, things are the way they are now - I hope I can start making some sense of my life, at least so I can finish this semester in a way that won't be disastrous ... *fingers crossed*

I took a walk with my camera tonight - got down to the ocean a bit late, and it had gotten a bit foggy, but here are some pictures! Enjoy!







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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Scripture in Tradition, John Breck
Currently watching: Ice Hockey Chapionships (Belarus - Sweden)
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Israeli Radio Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies - what else?!?!!??

Confusion With A Capital C!

I've had a really terrible day today, and I don't quite know why! I've been in a constant horrible mood since I woke up, and nothing has been able to change it! I've tried studying, but when I'm this upset, I can't concentrate if my life depended on it. Which of course only makes my mood even worse, since things are so stressful right now!

I've mostly landed in complete confusion about everything now ... I know the whole concept of taking one thing at a time and trying to not let things overwhelm you - but I'm just not able to take in a lot of good advice right now!
I'm VERY MUCH hoping for a good night's sleep and hopefully a better day tomorrow! For some unknown mysterious reason I can't seem to cope with being home these days - as soon as I don't have plans at Uni, I tend to get in a terrible mood.
With this in mind, I did have some thoughts of going to Uni for studies tomorrow, despite we don't have any lectures (today was Holiday in Sweden, therefore some people are off tomorrow as well), but I learned that while not the entire Department will be closed tomorrow, the front desk and the library are closed all day - so there's not much point in going there ...
I just hope I can get a decent day at home ....

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Scripture in Tradition
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 6
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Errands and STUDIES