Hi everyone!
Just a short entry to let you know - I'm in a serious state of PANIC about this stupid exam coming up on Monday! I know I was anxious about the Greek exams, but that was nothing compared to this, that's for sure!!
Anyway, if I'm going to have even the tiniest little chance of passing this exam, I'm going to have to study every single minute I can keep my eyes open, starting now!
Therefore: no blog entries! Sorry, but there's just no way! And besides, what would I write:
"Today I studied."
"I studied more today."
"Now I have done translations."
That pretty much covers what will be going on here for the next three days! :)
So, just letting you know that while I won't be updating here now, I will return when I'm back to keeping a human schedule again!
Seeya, and take care!
Friday, 20 February 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
I'm Back! :)
I apologize for my absence lately - the weekend wasn't really great at all, lots of things going on that were too good. I had my usual "come-back-day" yesterday, I had a headache so I didn't go to Uni, but I still managed to get some stuff done, both practically and emotionally, and that usually puts me back on track again.
Today I had an Old Testament lecture and mentor meeting, apart from my own studies of course.
The lecture was okay, but I more and more feel I need to make an effort and really be there for when they go through new stuff. It's the BEST repetition for me, and I can clearly see that it helps me a lot when I'm working with my own texts. It's easy to think you can skip lectures when you're not really required to be there (since I'm mentor I'm required to be at one lecture every week, but that's all), but I really really want to try to be there for pretty much all the lectures.
We had so much to do today, that we didn't even get a break in the middle, and that was quite tough. I had the beginning of a headache this morning, and trust me when I say it didn't get better. I had hoped for the break, to get some extra coffee and water and a bit of a break, but no such luck.
We finished right after 12 and were supposed to have the mentor meeting straight afterwards. I had to get the coffee and cookies and stuff, and everybody needed 5 minutes after the intense lecture - and when I got back the students had ended up in a discussion with our teacher. A discussion/talk that lasted 30 minutes! *yikes* I had planned to stop the meeting at 1, since I had a horrible headache and I really need to focus on my own studies! But I realized that wouldn't happen after that little delay! :)
The mentor meeting was good, I think they do work out now, really! I feel more comfortable, and it seems there's been a group of 5 students that come every time! Naturally, there's good if more people come, but if these five come, I will be satisfied. I like them, they function as a group, and there are enough of them to actually DO things!
I do have some other thoughts regarding the mentor-thing, but I really don't feel comfortable writing about all of that in a public blog. There might be an entry in my personal blog and/or personal messages to my friends, because I have a feeling I'll need other's thoughts, opinions and views on this.
My headache developed into the beginning of a migraine - and as soon as I could stop the mentor meeting (3 of the students decided to stay though!) I had to go home ... which wasn't my plan! I stuffed myself with pills, but the headache stuck with me, and I haven't had a chance to get started on my studies until it was about 6 p.m. NOT good!!
Tomorrow I won't go to Uni. There are no OT lectures tomorrow, and I have to get a haircut around lunch tomorrow, so I don't have to get up really early. I feel pretty okay, I got about an hour's sleep when I got home, so I'm hoping to get a lot of stuff done tonight (drinking coffee now too) ... because I'm seriously getting a panic over this exam.
It will be on Monday afternoon and I'm more anxious about this exam than I have been in a long time ...
Well, back to studies now!
Today I had an Old Testament lecture and mentor meeting, apart from my own studies of course.
The lecture was okay, but I more and more feel I need to make an effort and really be there for when they go through new stuff. It's the BEST repetition for me, and I can clearly see that it helps me a lot when I'm working with my own texts. It's easy to think you can skip lectures when you're not really required to be there (since I'm mentor I'm required to be at one lecture every week, but that's all), but I really really want to try to be there for pretty much all the lectures.
We had so much to do today, that we didn't even get a break in the middle, and that was quite tough. I had the beginning of a headache this morning, and trust me when I say it didn't get better. I had hoped for the break, to get some extra coffee and water and a bit of a break, but no such luck.
We finished right after 12 and were supposed to have the mentor meeting straight afterwards. I had to get the coffee and cookies and stuff, and everybody needed 5 minutes after the intense lecture - and when I got back the students had ended up in a discussion with our teacher. A discussion/talk that lasted 30 minutes! *yikes* I had planned to stop the meeting at 1, since I had a horrible headache and I really need to focus on my own studies! But I realized that wouldn't happen after that little delay! :)
The mentor meeting was good, I think they do work out now, really! I feel more comfortable, and it seems there's been a group of 5 students that come every time! Naturally, there's good if more people come, but if these five come, I will be satisfied. I like them, they function as a group, and there are enough of them to actually DO things!
I do have some other thoughts regarding the mentor-thing, but I really don't feel comfortable writing about all of that in a public blog. There might be an entry in my personal blog and/or personal messages to my friends, because I have a feeling I'll need other's thoughts, opinions and views on this.
My headache developed into the beginning of a migraine - and as soon as I could stop the mentor meeting (3 of the students decided to stay though!) I had to go home ... which wasn't my plan! I stuffed myself with pills, but the headache stuck with me, and I haven't had a chance to get started on my studies until it was about 6 p.m. NOT good!!
Tomorrow I won't go to Uni. There are no OT lectures tomorrow, and I have to get a haircut around lunch tomorrow, so I don't have to get up really early. I feel pretty okay, I got about an hour's sleep when I got home, so I'm hoping to get a lot of stuff done tonight (drinking coffee now too) ... because I'm seriously getting a panic over this exam.
It will be on Monday afternoon and I'm more anxious about this exam than I have been in a long time ...
Well, back to studies now!
Thursday, 12 February 2009
A Really Good Day!
I've had a really good day though, even though I do feel I should do more studying tonight and I'm SO tired I can barely see the computer screen in front of me ...
But first things first. I had thought I'd go to Uni today, and attend the last half of the OT-lecture mostly because I think that when the teacher runs through the new stuff, it's really great repetition for me. The morning was mostly 'strange', so I decided not to rush to Uni. I needed to go anyway, but at least I wouldn't have to rush. I went online and a matter I had been struggling with a lot last night had apparently just solved itself when I logged on, so my mood dramatically improved. In fact, it improved so much I decided to go anyway, which meant *STRESS*!!
I managed to get to Uni in time, and I had a little chat with the teacher first. He was thrilled that I wanted to come, and that feels really good to hear. Unfortunately today he'd moved the 'new stuff' to the first half of the lecture (and he'll probably continue to do so), but I figured once I was there, I could just stay anyway. From now on, I'll try to make it to the first half though, because hearing him explain stuff is actually more rewarding for me than listening to the other students reading, translating and analyzing Hebrew sentences.
After the lecture, I started talking to the teacher and we had this totally amazing conversation! We got started on the Old Testament, on my courses this semester (he actually started reciting Ecclesiastes - that I'm doing a reading course on now - to me in Hebrew! *LOL*), on the new education system (which we both hate), and we just seem to think alike on a lot of stuff!! He also hinted that he wanted to start - probably this fall - an 'unofficial' reading/seminar group, for students who have taken Hebrew and want to keep it alive (there are no continuing courses now, in the new system, unless you count reading courses and essays, and they are very special), and I pretty much jumped out of my skin!!!! That was such a fantastic idea, I felt like hugging him! Well, almost anyway! :)
Later on we met up with another student from the course, and we just kept talking and talking and talking ... for an hour!!! Yikes!!! :)
It was really nice though, and I enjoyed it a lot!
I did some studying in the library before having a personal meeting with my mentor supervisor. We have a joint mentor-thing tomorrow, but I felt I wanted to talk to her in person today, partly about the meeting, where she attended, to hear her comments, but I also had something else I wanted to discuss with her. This other thing might pretty much solve itself though, so we just agreed I should wait and see on that! But I got some good feedback on the meeting, and some constructive things on what to do in the future so that was really good.
I did have a headache, despite my good day, so when I was finished, at 3 p.m. I decided to go home and cure my headache. It took a while, but I've at least gotten some studying done tonight. I am so horribly tired though, and I'm thinking, maybe I need to switch day and night a little. I get really really tired around 9 p.m. - and I mean so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. The question is if I should try to go to bed that early (even though it always takes me about 2-2½ hours from when I go to bed to when I fall asleep, because Zorro thinks that's the funniest time to play aorund ... *sigh*) - and get up really early instead?!?!
I usually function better in the morning, so that might be an idea. Go to bed between 9 and 10 p.m. and constantly set my alarm for 3.50 or 4 a.m.?!?! Might work. Even though I have a lengthy morning routine, that should make me be able to study for at least 2-3 hours effectively before I need to go to Uni! Not bad ...
And with that said - I'm off to bed! :)
Good night everyone!
But first things first. I had thought I'd go to Uni today, and attend the last half of the OT-lecture mostly because I think that when the teacher runs through the new stuff, it's really great repetition for me. The morning was mostly 'strange', so I decided not to rush to Uni. I needed to go anyway, but at least I wouldn't have to rush. I went online and a matter I had been struggling with a lot last night had apparently just solved itself when I logged on, so my mood dramatically improved. In fact, it improved so much I decided to go anyway, which meant *STRESS*!!
I managed to get to Uni in time, and I had a little chat with the teacher first. He was thrilled that I wanted to come, and that feels really good to hear. Unfortunately today he'd moved the 'new stuff' to the first half of the lecture (and he'll probably continue to do so), but I figured once I was there, I could just stay anyway. From now on, I'll try to make it to the first half though, because hearing him explain stuff is actually more rewarding for me than listening to the other students reading, translating and analyzing Hebrew sentences.
After the lecture, I started talking to the teacher and we had this totally amazing conversation! We got started on the Old Testament, on my courses this semester (he actually started reciting Ecclesiastes - that I'm doing a reading course on now - to me in Hebrew! *LOL*), on the new education system (which we both hate), and we just seem to think alike on a lot of stuff!! He also hinted that he wanted to start - probably this fall - an 'unofficial' reading/seminar group, for students who have taken Hebrew and want to keep it alive (there are no continuing courses now, in the new system, unless you count reading courses and essays, and they are very special), and I pretty much jumped out of my skin!!!! That was such a fantastic idea, I felt like hugging him! Well, almost anyway! :)
Later on we met up with another student from the course, and we just kept talking and talking and talking ... for an hour!!! Yikes!!! :)
It was really nice though, and I enjoyed it a lot!
I did some studying in the library before having a personal meeting with my mentor supervisor. We have a joint mentor-thing tomorrow, but I felt I wanted to talk to her in person today, partly about the meeting, where she attended, to hear her comments, but I also had something else I wanted to discuss with her. This other thing might pretty much solve itself though, so we just agreed I should wait and see on that! But I got some good feedback on the meeting, and some constructive things on what to do in the future so that was really good.
I did have a headache, despite my good day, so when I was finished, at 3 p.m. I decided to go home and cure my headache. It took a while, but I've at least gotten some studying done tonight. I am so horribly tired though, and I'm thinking, maybe I need to switch day and night a little. I get really really tired around 9 p.m. - and I mean so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. The question is if I should try to go to bed that early (even though it always takes me about 2-2½ hours from when I go to bed to when I fall asleep, because Zorro thinks that's the funniest time to play aorund ... *sigh*) - and get up really early instead?!?!
I usually function better in the morning, so that might be an idea. Go to bed between 9 and 10 p.m. and constantly set my alarm for 3.50 or 4 a.m.?!?! Might work. Even though I have a lengthy morning routine, that should make me be able to study for at least 2-3 hours effectively before I need to go to Uni! Not bad ...
And with that said - I'm off to bed! :)
Good night everyone!
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Blog-Thing Working!
I actually do think I've gotten the blog-thing working again. It's been hard for me blogging like I used to these past weeks, but I have a feeling I've gotten back into it today!
I stayed at home today which was really nice after the intense day yesterday. I have managed to clean my appartment - yay - and also gotten at least some studying done. I hate the fact that you're never ever happy with what you do when you're a student ... you can always do more ... but right now I'm starting to feel really, really nervous about this course.
I had a smiliar exam last June (for another teacher but in the same subject), and while I passed, I really was walking a fine line ... and of course I'm feeling terrified it will be the same again this time ... *gulp*
I think one reason that I'm feeling this way is that I know I've been studying FAR to little right now, and it's a really big exam. I don't have any excuses for not studying - sure, January was pretty horrible (and it's had some aftereffects too), and I have been focusing a lot on the mentor thing ... but that doesn't mean I can't study for my own exams, I simply have to make them work as well.
I wish I could say I'd lock myself in an empty room for the next week or so, and study more or less 24/7, but unfortunately that won't work. I still have lectures to attend, mentor meetings to plan and lead, other meetings to attend, I REALLY need to get a haircut SOON (I look like a scarecrow at the moment, it's terrible) ... and all of those things take up time and energy too! *sighing*
Guess I'll have to do whatever I can and hope for the best, right?! *trying to smile a little*
I stayed at home today which was really nice after the intense day yesterday. I have managed to clean my appartment - yay - and also gotten at least some studying done. I hate the fact that you're never ever happy with what you do when you're a student ... you can always do more ... but right now I'm starting to feel really, really nervous about this course.
I had a smiliar exam last June (for another teacher but in the same subject), and while I passed, I really was walking a fine line ... and of course I'm feeling terrified it will be the same again this time ... *gulp*
I think one reason that I'm feeling this way is that I know I've been studying FAR to little right now, and it's a really big exam. I don't have any excuses for not studying - sure, January was pretty horrible (and it's had some aftereffects too), and I have been focusing a lot on the mentor thing ... but that doesn't mean I can't study for my own exams, I simply have to make them work as well.
I wish I could say I'd lock myself in an empty room for the next week or so, and study more or less 24/7, but unfortunately that won't work. I still have lectures to attend, mentor meetings to plan and lead, other meetings to attend, I REALLY need to get a haircut SOON (I look like a scarecrow at the moment, it's terrible) ... and all of those things take up time and energy too! *sighing*
Guess I'll have to do whatever I can and hope for the best, right?! *trying to smile a little*
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Crazy And Good Day!
My day feels rather insane actually, even though it's been good - and this afternoon I've been soooo tired!! I really really really should have cleaned my appartment tonight, but there's just No Way!
But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
I debated with myself this morning, which train to take, but I was tired then as well, and decided I could take the later train! Which was in itself late ... I usually accept those things, becuase I know there's nothing I can do about it - no matter how mad I get, the train won't come sooner, but I'm totally starting to loose my patience now. I think the owner-ship of the company changed or something - because there's been some changes made recently ... among other things the fact that the trains are never on time!!
This meant I was kind of late for Uni, I arrived at the Department at about 9.55, the lectures starts at 10.15, and I did have a few things to do before that!! As soon as I arrived I met a guy from the OT-course, and since I'm mentor, I just can't brush people off, but I felt completely stressed out! I made the conversation as short as I could, rushed in and started a pot of coffee. While the coffee was in the making I rushed down to the student union (in the basement *lol*) and borrowed cups and spoons ... rushed back to my coffee and fixed all the stuff for the mentor meeting and stuck it in a bag.
Wehn upstairs to the second level, I had planned to get some copies made for the mentor meeting, but when I got up there, it was 10.12, so ... no!
Instead I went on the lecture, but - and I hate to admit it - didn't pay much attention to what was going on. I had my mind full of mentor-meeting planning, checking the handout I was going to copy and check out an attendance list for the mentor meeting ...
Before I knew it, the teacher called for a break. I suddenly realized that I had made surveys for the students about the mentor meeting - so I quickly gave a yell and handed them out, before rushing out to get my copies done. After that I had to make a run for the coffee and stuff downstaris, but managed to get it all fixed in 10 minutes! *stress*
Second half of the lecture, I was too curious about the surveys to concentrate, I just had to check them out! :) Overall, I don't think I could have done much more than I have about getting people to come ... those who don't show up, just don't seem to want to ... and I can't do anything about that!
The teacher was a little late, and I actually saw my mentor supervisor outside, so that felt a bit embarressing, but I could hardly be blamed for the teacher not sttopping in time ... :)
Anyway, as soon as he was done, I made a call for the mentor meeting and headed out to greet my supervisor ... and tried to see if anybodoy would show up for the meeting! :)
I have to say that while things are not running super-smooth with the whole mentor thing, each meeeting is better than the previous - at least that's the way I feel.
There were five students there today, which is a decent turnout, since they were 2 or 3 last time. I was really nervous about my supervisor being there, but I really did feel like I handled it in a good way. I was able to actually lead the meeting - which is really what I'm there to do, but I have a hard time taking the initiative and actually being the leader. We went through a general discussion and I had my excercise with verbforms, which I think they appreciated! :) In fact, things were going so well, that all of them stayed ... finally my supervisor had to go because she had a seminar, but we actually kept the meeting going for over 1½ hours!!! And I got some positive feedback on the excercise, which feels really great!!
I really wish I had gotten the chance to talk to my supervisor, but she had to rush ... I do hope I'll get an opportunity later in the week though. There are some purely practical issues we need to discuss, and I also would like to hear her constructive thoughts on the meeting, also take up some stuff I have doubts about ...
I didn't get home until it was 3.30, and I have been completely exhausted ... which is SO NOT GOOD!! I do realize the mentor-thing is taking waaaay to much energy now, and I'm really starting to worry about my own exam. I'm thinking about staying home tomorrow, I still need to be 200% focused and getting things done, but it would be nice not having to worry about getting ready and having to watch the clock all day ....
But I'm definitely in for an early night tonight, that's for sure!
But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
I debated with myself this morning, which train to take, but I was tired then as well, and decided I could take the later train! Which was in itself late ... I usually accept those things, becuase I know there's nothing I can do about it - no matter how mad I get, the train won't come sooner, but I'm totally starting to loose my patience now. I think the owner-ship of the company changed or something - because there's been some changes made recently ... among other things the fact that the trains are never on time!!
This meant I was kind of late for Uni, I arrived at the Department at about 9.55, the lectures starts at 10.15, and I did have a few things to do before that!! As soon as I arrived I met a guy from the OT-course, and since I'm mentor, I just can't brush people off, but I felt completely stressed out! I made the conversation as short as I could, rushed in and started a pot of coffee. While the coffee was in the making I rushed down to the student union (in the basement *lol*) and borrowed cups and spoons ... rushed back to my coffee and fixed all the stuff for the mentor meeting and stuck it in a bag.
Wehn upstairs to the second level, I had planned to get some copies made for the mentor meeting, but when I got up there, it was 10.12, so ... no!
Instead I went on the lecture, but - and I hate to admit it - didn't pay much attention to what was going on. I had my mind full of mentor-meeting planning, checking the handout I was going to copy and check out an attendance list for the mentor meeting ...
Before I knew it, the teacher called for a break. I suddenly realized that I had made surveys for the students about the mentor meeting - so I quickly gave a yell and handed them out, before rushing out to get my copies done. After that I had to make a run for the coffee and stuff downstaris, but managed to get it all fixed in 10 minutes! *stress*
Second half of the lecture, I was too curious about the surveys to concentrate, I just had to check them out! :) Overall, I don't think I could have done much more than I have about getting people to come ... those who don't show up, just don't seem to want to ... and I can't do anything about that!
The teacher was a little late, and I actually saw my mentor supervisor outside, so that felt a bit embarressing, but I could hardly be blamed for the teacher not sttopping in time ... :)
Anyway, as soon as he was done, I made a call for the mentor meeting and headed out to greet my supervisor ... and tried to see if anybodoy would show up for the meeting! :)
I have to say that while things are not running super-smooth with the whole mentor thing, each meeeting is better than the previous - at least that's the way I feel.
There were five students there today, which is a decent turnout, since they were 2 or 3 last time. I was really nervous about my supervisor being there, but I really did feel like I handled it in a good way. I was able to actually lead the meeting - which is really what I'm there to do, but I have a hard time taking the initiative and actually being the leader. We went through a general discussion and I had my excercise with verbforms, which I think they appreciated! :) In fact, things were going so well, that all of them stayed ... finally my supervisor had to go because she had a seminar, but we actually kept the meeting going for over 1½ hours!!! And I got some positive feedback on the excercise, which feels really great!!
I really wish I had gotten the chance to talk to my supervisor, but she had to rush ... I do hope I'll get an opportunity later in the week though. There are some purely practical issues we need to discuss, and I also would like to hear her constructive thoughts on the meeting, also take up some stuff I have doubts about ...
I didn't get home until it was 3.30, and I have been completely exhausted ... which is SO NOT GOOD!! I do realize the mentor-thing is taking waaaay to much energy now, and I'm really starting to worry about my own exam. I'm thinking about staying home tomorrow, I still need to be 200% focused and getting things done, but it would be nice not having to worry about getting ready and having to watch the clock all day ....
But I'm definitely in for an early night tonight, that's for sure!
Monday, 9 February 2009
Wishing Tomorrow Was Over!
While I'm generally stressed out at the moment and wonder how on Earth I'm going to manage the next two weeks, today and tomorrow will be the worse days this week at least ... so I'm just hoping tomorrow will be gone soon, so I can leave that behind me ...
I went to Uni early this morning, to try to charm the copier ... and I think I kind of succeeded. At least it gave me what I wanted, so that's a good thing, right?! :) A bit of trouble around that though, since the first Theology seminar (with the professor I got the not-so-nice email from) took place just next to the copier - and I so did not want to meet the professor. Due to some hiding and turn-abouts, I managed to avoid him, and get my copies.
After that off to the big library to get my last book for the reading course - which was HUGE! *yikes* Still feeling very stressed out about this course right now, and getting more panic by the minute.
I got some studying in before the Old Testament lecture at 10 - and I do have mixed feelings about those lectures. I like attending them a lot, because it is a GREAT way to get back into the Hebrew way of thinking again - after having studied Greek really intensly for a whole semester - but on the other hand, I don't get much out of listening to the others trying to get their sentences out ... I had a thought of maybe attending more than one or two lectures a week, because it really is GREAT repetiton - but I don't know right now. Guess I'll have to make a decision on a daily basis at least for now.
After the lecture, I had a sallad for lunch, and I did some studying in the library! At about 2, I met Maria and we went for coffee. She was our mentor during the Greek course, and in true mentor-spirit she had brought coffee and cake ... *lol* It was totally nice, and I hope we can do it again soon!
I did some more studying and went home about 4 p.m. Tried to get rid of a headache, realized I had to bake something for tomorrow's mentor meeting (and I hate to say this, but I really don't like doing anything in the kitchen - baking, cooking, doing dishes, I really dislike all of it!), so I managed to get my act together and do that.
And then I realized I had an excercise in mind for tomorrow's mentor meeting, but I had to prepare for that, and it turned out to be a lot easier said than done ...
I think I have gotten it right now, but I have to make new plans for tomorrow, because I'd rather like to run the exercise by the OT-teacher, so I don't do anything stupid on the mentor meeting - like teaching the students the wrong things ... would so NOT be good.
Now I'm trying to ... well, blog, obviously, calm down after today, think and prepare about tomorrow (a new date with the copier, fixing everything for the mentor meeting, actually leading the mentor meeting, and also handle the fact that my mentor-supervisor will attend the meeting *gulp*), and I really SHOULD get some more studying done tonight! *yawning*
Take care, guys!
I went to Uni early this morning, to try to charm the copier ... and I think I kind of succeeded. At least it gave me what I wanted, so that's a good thing, right?! :) A bit of trouble around that though, since the first Theology seminar (with the professor I got the not-so-nice email from) took place just next to the copier - and I so did not want to meet the professor. Due to some hiding and turn-abouts, I managed to avoid him, and get my copies.
After that off to the big library to get my last book for the reading course - which was HUGE! *yikes* Still feeling very stressed out about this course right now, and getting more panic by the minute.
I got some studying in before the Old Testament lecture at 10 - and I do have mixed feelings about those lectures. I like attending them a lot, because it is a GREAT way to get back into the Hebrew way of thinking again - after having studied Greek really intensly for a whole semester - but on the other hand, I don't get much out of listening to the others trying to get their sentences out ... I had a thought of maybe attending more than one or two lectures a week, because it really is GREAT repetiton - but I don't know right now. Guess I'll have to make a decision on a daily basis at least for now.
After the lecture, I had a sallad for lunch, and I did some studying in the library! At about 2, I met Maria and we went for coffee. She was our mentor during the Greek course, and in true mentor-spirit she had brought coffee and cake ... *lol* It was totally nice, and I hope we can do it again soon!
I did some more studying and went home about 4 p.m. Tried to get rid of a headache, realized I had to bake something for tomorrow's mentor meeting (and I hate to say this, but I really don't like doing anything in the kitchen - baking, cooking, doing dishes, I really dislike all of it!), so I managed to get my act together and do that.
And then I realized I had an excercise in mind for tomorrow's mentor meeting, but I had to prepare for that, and it turned out to be a lot easier said than done ...
I think I have gotten it right now, but I have to make new plans for tomorrow, because I'd rather like to run the exercise by the OT-teacher, so I don't do anything stupid on the mentor meeting - like teaching the students the wrong things ... would so NOT be good.
Now I'm trying to ... well, blog, obviously, calm down after today, think and prepare about tomorrow (a new date with the copier, fixing everything for the mentor meeting, actually leading the mentor meeting, and also handle the fact that my mentor-supervisor will attend the meeting *gulp*), and I really SHOULD get some more studying done tonight! *yawning*
Take care, guys!
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Gathering Strength!
I have in some way gotten over the Friday-email-incident ... though not completely! Or rather, I can function again now, but I still feel really sad and upset about what he said.
Now I am however trying to look forward to next week, mostly tomorrow and Tuesday, which will be the 'heavy days'.
Lots of stuff going on tomorrow, and I don't really have the energy to run through all the details here. Basically I'm going to an Old Testament lecture, and I have to handout a survey to the students, to see if I can get to the bottom of why they are not turning up on the mentor meetings. For that to happen I have to arrange a date with the copier before the lecture - and in case you didn't know, I'm terrified of any kind of machinery, as they tend to broke or stop working or more or less explode when I get my hands on them ... but I don't think I have a choice tomorrow.
I also have to visit a larger University library to get a book for my current course, I have to get some serious studying done in our library, and hopefully - as one good thing of the day - I'm going for coffee with a friend!! *fingers crossed*
There are a few other incidents I have to deal with as well tomorrow, so I'm thinking that will be a pretty tough day!
On Tuesday again is the OT lecture and then the mentor meeting. This time the supervisor will attend, and even though I haven't gotten that far in my preparations yet, I have a feeling that will be a major stress factor which will raise my anxiety levels drastically. I am glad I have spoken to her about the problems I'm having, but it will still feel like she's there "judging" me and what I do ....
And, of course, LOADS of studying! I'm planning to spend as much time as I possibly can at the Department library, because even though I tend to get really tired in there (the air is terrible), at least I get more done than when I'm at home ...
I hope you all had a great weekend!
Now I am however trying to look forward to next week, mostly tomorrow and Tuesday, which will be the 'heavy days'.
Lots of stuff going on tomorrow, and I don't really have the energy to run through all the details here. Basically I'm going to an Old Testament lecture, and I have to handout a survey to the students, to see if I can get to the bottom of why they are not turning up on the mentor meetings. For that to happen I have to arrange a date with the copier before the lecture - and in case you didn't know, I'm terrified of any kind of machinery, as they tend to broke or stop working or more or less explode when I get my hands on them ... but I don't think I have a choice tomorrow.
I also have to visit a larger University library to get a book for my current course, I have to get some serious studying done in our library, and hopefully - as one good thing of the day - I'm going for coffee with a friend!! *fingers crossed*
There are a few other incidents I have to deal with as well tomorrow, so I'm thinking that will be a pretty tough day!
On Tuesday again is the OT lecture and then the mentor meeting. This time the supervisor will attend, and even though I haven't gotten that far in my preparations yet, I have a feeling that will be a major stress factor which will raise my anxiety levels drastically. I am glad I have spoken to her about the problems I'm having, but it will still feel like she's there "judging" me and what I do ....
And, of course, LOADS of studying! I'm planning to spend as much time as I possibly can at the Department library, because even though I tend to get really tired in there (the air is terrible), at least I get more done than when I'm at home ...
I hope you all had a great weekend!
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Sadness!
I really wanted to write something here yesterday, to try to get back to my once-a-day system of blogging, but there was just no way possible I could bring myself to do it.
I've had some issues regarding this semester at Uni, there has been lots of confusion regarding essays and seminars and whatnot, and I finally felt that it had been sorted out. Granted, there was an exception made for me, which allowed me to only follow the Old- and New Testament seminars, and not the Theology one. I know why I should follow the Theology seminar, and I do accept that, but the fact was that when I planned this semester, and applied for my courses, and had no idea whatsoever that it would be handled like this. When you look at the way I have planned my semester, I don't think it would be possible to follow the Theology seminar (which is quite different to the OT/NT one), I just wouldn't be able to make it work,
I thought I had cleared all of this with 'my' professor, but toward the end of last week I realized I was still on the Theology seminar mailing list. I felt like I should take my responsibility and once and for all clear this with the Theology professor as well. My OT professor had talked to him about me, but I haven't had contact with him.
I sent him an email, just telling him what had been decided, and since the two professors had been discussing this, I figured it was actually they who had decided.
His reply was fairly devastating ...
He basically told me that, while he wouldn't force me to come to his seminar, he felt the whole concept was very wrong. I was going about the essay in the wrong way doing it like this, I was doing a specializing (is that even a word?!) that I am not supposed to with this essay, I was depriving the other students in the seminar my work, by staying away from the seminar.
He called me an unambitious student and indicated that I was being lazy and opting for the easy-way-out by doing this.
And that hurt.
A lot.
I have always been a person who takes pride in her work. I would rather not hand in an assignment, than hand in a bad one. I work hard and sure, there are things I cope badly with - but I would never see myself as unambitious and lazy!! Quite the opposite, I don't like those characteristics and I work hard at not being like that myself.
Ever since I came back from my sickleave I have been working my ass off to make a go of my University studies, and I do want to make a good job, and make a good impression. I want to continue with post-graduate studies, I want to stay in this environment, this is going to be my future ... and hearing that you're not applying yourself, that you don't care, and that you just want to get away with as little work as possible ... that hurts a lot.
It's been rough getting through this entry, I was extremely down yesterday, and I'm still having a very hard time getting something done today! That in itself will be getting consequences, because I should be studing 24/7 right now, if I'm going to cope with this semester ...
I've had some issues regarding this semester at Uni, there has been lots of confusion regarding essays and seminars and whatnot, and I finally felt that it had been sorted out. Granted, there was an exception made for me, which allowed me to only follow the Old- and New Testament seminars, and not the Theology one. I know why I should follow the Theology seminar, and I do accept that, but the fact was that when I planned this semester, and applied for my courses, and had no idea whatsoever that it would be handled like this. When you look at the way I have planned my semester, I don't think it would be possible to follow the Theology seminar (which is quite different to the OT/NT one), I just wouldn't be able to make it work,
I thought I had cleared all of this with 'my' professor, but toward the end of last week I realized I was still on the Theology seminar mailing list. I felt like I should take my responsibility and once and for all clear this with the Theology professor as well. My OT professor had talked to him about me, but I haven't had contact with him.
I sent him an email, just telling him what had been decided, and since the two professors had been discussing this, I figured it was actually they who had decided.
His reply was fairly devastating ...
He basically told me that, while he wouldn't force me to come to his seminar, he felt the whole concept was very wrong. I was going about the essay in the wrong way doing it like this, I was doing a specializing (is that even a word?!) that I am not supposed to with this essay, I was depriving the other students in the seminar my work, by staying away from the seminar.
He called me an unambitious student and indicated that I was being lazy and opting for the easy-way-out by doing this.
And that hurt.
A lot.
I have always been a person who takes pride in her work. I would rather not hand in an assignment, than hand in a bad one. I work hard and sure, there are things I cope badly with - but I would never see myself as unambitious and lazy!! Quite the opposite, I don't like those characteristics and I work hard at not being like that myself.
Ever since I came back from my sickleave I have been working my ass off to make a go of my University studies, and I do want to make a good job, and make a good impression. I want to continue with post-graduate studies, I want to stay in this environment, this is going to be my future ... and hearing that you're not applying yourself, that you don't care, and that you just want to get away with as little work as possible ... that hurts a lot.
It's been rough getting through this entry, I was extremely down yesterday, and I'm still having a very hard time getting something done today! That in itself will be getting consequences, because I should be studing 24/7 right now, if I'm going to cope with this semester ...
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Mixed Feelings!
For some reason, I can't seem to get this blog going the way I want it to right now. Don't quite know why either, which is very annoying! I liked it when I updated it every day, more or less, and just made it a general record of what was going on in my life - but for some reason that hasn't happened in quite a while.
One reason, I guess, is that January 2009 was quite turbulent for me, and I didn't feel like writing about everything here - at times I felt like I could write about things after having gotten some distance to it but instead I felt I had to give a lot of backstory ... and it mostly ended up being confusing!
I hope I can find my way back to the way I used to keep this blog, because I was really happy with that! *fingers crossed*
Okay, what's been going on today! Not much in the practical sense, perhaps, but all the more in the emotional. I had to cancel Tuesday's mentor meeting, so I moved it to today instead, and that's what pretty much everything circles around right now.
I went to Uni pretty early this morning and started preparing for coffee and stuff. The lecture started at 10.15, and it's quite a strange feeling sitting there now. Part of me really enjoys it, this is so totally my subject and I really love working with the Hebrew language. But another part of me can't help but feel a bit ... well, bored to be honest. The level of the students vary, which is perfectly normal, but it does take a long time for them to get through the prepared sentences every day, and I don't find that very rewarding - which isn't so strange either, I think. I also have to get used to another teacher, and it takes a while adjusting! This new guy is terrific and he's really friendly and I like him a lot - but I was a true disciple to the previous teacher - who had been teaching Hebrew for 33 years straight (!!), and it does take a while before you get used to a different teaching-technique.
When we had a break I rushed down to the Student Union (in the cellar *lol*) to borrow some cups and spoons. Luckily a girl I know the Greek course was there (she's active in the Student Union), so it was quite all right to borrow some stuff. Took that with me, along with coffee and the rest, back to the classroom for the second half of the lecture.
When we ended I made a comment that we were going to have a mentor meeting, and I started to leave first. Our teacher came up to me, we talked a little about the course, when he suddenly stated: "It's so good to have you as a mentor on this course!" I was quite stunned because I haven't at all felt like a success, but he went on to tell me he'd been sceptic when he first heard about it, but felt I was a real assett and an inspiration ... Wow .... *add smile here* :)
He tried to tell them that it was good if they came to the mentor meeting ... but of course ... they didn't! *sigh*
I can't help but feel that something has gone wrong since there are so few coming! Now I know a few students who couldn't make it because I had changed the day - but today they were three ... and one of them left after a while!
The whole mentor thing is about working together, in a group - how do you make groups out of 2 or 3 people - it just doesn't work!!! They keep telling you that a mentor is not a teacher, so you shouldn't go around answering questions, but instead help the students to find the answers themselves. That sounds really great, and I totally buy that, but I can't seem to make it work.
I sit there with two rather insecure students who wonder how they are going to study, what they should prioritize, why the grammar works the way it does - how can I NOT answer there questions?!?!?!!?
This was indeed frustrating, and after the meeting when I was done cleaning up, I found the mentor-supervisor and decided to be totally open about this!! She didn't have much time, but she was really nice about this. She also, of course, felt it wasn't good - but she didn't yell at me about, she gave me some constructive ideas to test etc. and that feels really good.
We're having the next meeting on Tuesday, and she's coming for a visit then (she visits all the mentor groups one time), and then we'll decide on a time when we can sit down and have a proper chat about this. Meanwhile I'm going to write a survey and hand out to them on Monday, asking questions about the mentorship, why they aren't going, what they would like to get out of it etc. and hopefully that can help me get more people to come!
As the title indicates, I have very mixed feelings about today! The whole attendance thing is very disturbing and frustrating and I do worry about that. But on the other hand, the comment from the teacher, the talk with the supervisor, and also the fact that I myself feel a lot more relaxed and not so anxious at the meetings, feels really great!
Very confusing!!
I've decided to stay home tomorrow, and I have three full days to get onto my own courses - which is much needed right now! I have to know 10 pages Hebrew text and (over) 1000 pages of literature for an oral exam for the Head of the Faculty on February 20th. *gulp*
So, now I'm going to take an early night and hopefully get started early tomorrow morning!
Take care!
One reason, I guess, is that January 2009 was quite turbulent for me, and I didn't feel like writing about everything here - at times I felt like I could write about things after having gotten some distance to it but instead I felt I had to give a lot of backstory ... and it mostly ended up being confusing!
I hope I can find my way back to the way I used to keep this blog, because I was really happy with that! *fingers crossed*
Okay, what's been going on today! Not much in the practical sense, perhaps, but all the more in the emotional. I had to cancel Tuesday's mentor meeting, so I moved it to today instead, and that's what pretty much everything circles around right now.
I went to Uni pretty early this morning and started preparing for coffee and stuff. The lecture started at 10.15, and it's quite a strange feeling sitting there now. Part of me really enjoys it, this is so totally my subject and I really love working with the Hebrew language. But another part of me can't help but feel a bit ... well, bored to be honest. The level of the students vary, which is perfectly normal, but it does take a long time for them to get through the prepared sentences every day, and I don't find that very rewarding - which isn't so strange either, I think. I also have to get used to another teacher, and it takes a while adjusting! This new guy is terrific and he's really friendly and I like him a lot - but I was a true disciple to the previous teacher - who had been teaching Hebrew for 33 years straight (!!), and it does take a while before you get used to a different teaching-technique.
When we had a break I rushed down to the Student Union (in the cellar *lol*) to borrow some cups and spoons. Luckily a girl I know the Greek course was there (she's active in the Student Union), so it was quite all right to borrow some stuff. Took that with me, along with coffee and the rest, back to the classroom for the second half of the lecture.
When we ended I made a comment that we were going to have a mentor meeting, and I started to leave first. Our teacher came up to me, we talked a little about the course, when he suddenly stated: "It's so good to have you as a mentor on this course!" I was quite stunned because I haven't at all felt like a success, but he went on to tell me he'd been sceptic when he first heard about it, but felt I was a real assett and an inspiration ... Wow .... *add smile here* :)
He tried to tell them that it was good if they came to the mentor meeting ... but of course ... they didn't! *sigh*
I can't help but feel that something has gone wrong since there are so few coming! Now I know a few students who couldn't make it because I had changed the day - but today they were three ... and one of them left after a while!
The whole mentor thing is about working together, in a group - how do you make groups out of 2 or 3 people - it just doesn't work!!! They keep telling you that a mentor is not a teacher, so you shouldn't go around answering questions, but instead help the students to find the answers themselves. That sounds really great, and I totally buy that, but I can't seem to make it work.
I sit there with two rather insecure students who wonder how they are going to study, what they should prioritize, why the grammar works the way it does - how can I NOT answer there questions?!?!?!!?
This was indeed frustrating, and after the meeting when I was done cleaning up, I found the mentor-supervisor and decided to be totally open about this!! She didn't have much time, but she was really nice about this. She also, of course, felt it wasn't good - but she didn't yell at me about, she gave me some constructive ideas to test etc. and that feels really good.
We're having the next meeting on Tuesday, and she's coming for a visit then (she visits all the mentor groups one time), and then we'll decide on a time when we can sit down and have a proper chat about this. Meanwhile I'm going to write a survey and hand out to them on Monday, asking questions about the mentorship, why they aren't going, what they would like to get out of it etc. and hopefully that can help me get more people to come!
As the title indicates, I have very mixed feelings about today! The whole attendance thing is very disturbing and frustrating and I do worry about that. But on the other hand, the comment from the teacher, the talk with the supervisor, and also the fact that I myself feel a lot more relaxed and not so anxious at the meetings, feels really great!
Very confusing!!
I've decided to stay home tomorrow, and I have three full days to get onto my own courses - which is much needed right now! I have to know 10 pages Hebrew text and (over) 1000 pages of literature for an oral exam for the Head of the Faculty on February 20th. *gulp*
So, now I'm going to take an early night and hopefully get started early tomorrow morning!
Take care!
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Weekend Issues!
Seems like I cannot make the weekends work the way I want to, no matter how hard I try! And that is of course frustrating on Sunday evening!
I think my problem is that I know I have to do a lot of stuff during the weekends - because keeping up with the basics during the weeks (Uni, lectures, basic studying, cleaning, cooking etc) drains me of all my energy - and at the same time I feel I don't have the energy to be efficient during the weekends either!!
And that is well and truly a problem!!
I'm studying more than full-time now, actually 125% this semester - and that would mean that I have to study 10 hours a day five days a week. And I do NOT study 10 hours every weekday, that's for sure. And that only leaves the weekend. And on top of studies, and all the usual stuff, I have my work as a mentor. It's said to be 3½ hours a week, but since I'm new to it, I'm nervous about it and I want to make a good job of it, I'd say I spent 5-6 hours a week ... I don't mind much, but that still means I have to do a lot during the weekends.
And obviously I'm not!
I guess there's no point going on and on about it now though, the weekend is over, tomorrow is another day, (another week) and another destiny! :)
I just hope I'll be able to get a working routine going, because I'll definitely need it to make a go of this semester!
I hope you all had a great weekend!
Take care!
I think my problem is that I know I have to do a lot of stuff during the weekends - because keeping up with the basics during the weeks (Uni, lectures, basic studying, cleaning, cooking etc) drains me of all my energy - and at the same time I feel I don't have the energy to be efficient during the weekends either!!
And that is well and truly a problem!!
I'm studying more than full-time now, actually 125% this semester - and that would mean that I have to study 10 hours a day five days a week. And I do NOT study 10 hours every weekday, that's for sure. And that only leaves the weekend. And on top of studies, and all the usual stuff, I have my work as a mentor. It's said to be 3½ hours a week, but since I'm new to it, I'm nervous about it and I want to make a good job of it, I'd say I spent 5-6 hours a week ... I don't mind much, but that still means I have to do a lot during the weekends.
And obviously I'm not!
I guess there's no point going on and on about it now though, the weekend is over, tomorrow is another day, (another week) and another destiny! :)
I just hope I'll be able to get a working routine going, because I'll definitely need it to make a go of this semester!
I hope you all had a great weekend!
Take care!
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