I've learned for previous experiences never to look ahead, because so far that has only got me terribly disappointed, since I've never managed to accomplish what I have thought or hoped I would. Therefore I can't say that I in the end of 2005 sat and imagined what would happen during 2006 ... But I still have to say that a lot has happened for me during the past year, and most of is very positive.
The biggest change for me personally, was of course that I termined my sick-leave on February 13th. I'd been on sick-leave for almost exactly four years, so that was quite huge for me. Of course that particular day didn't constitue some great change, it was pretty much a day like any other, but on a personal and psychological level, it meant a lot to me. Mostly, it felt very scary at the time, since a big safety net I had been able to rely on for such a long time, all of a sudden had disappeard. But as time passed, and I realized that I could handle myself and my life even without the safety net, I got used to the idea and I started to feel more and more proud that I was working my way back into a "normal" life after having been away for so long.
It was of course studies full time during spring semester, and the studies went really well. Apart from one course, which I failed and had to take again in August, I eventuelly got VG (which is the highest grade!) on all the courses I took!! *proud*
The social situation though was not good at all. The group had been together since September 2005, and I never really felt like I got any social connections or fitted in at all. I was told from other people around me, that things would change once I'd gotten through that semester, which was the last part of a "base-course", and once I started taking other courses, the social situation would change, and I would probably be able to make friends!
The autumn semester has been soo meaningful for me, on a lot of levels!! It turned out to be quite different from the previous semester, just as I had been told, and I think it was during the first half of the autumn semester I really felt that I would be able to continue with my studies for real!
I manage to really expand my limits when it comes to the social situations, and that in itself means a great deal to me. I'd like to say that I have managed to make a couple of friends, even though I don't meet them every day or anything like that. But I do get along great with them (and I actually think that the feeling is mutual ...), I managed to do group projects with one or more with them, something I would never have imagine me capable of just three or four months earlier!
Something else which to me was huge, happened during the fall. Namely oral presentations! I have always dreaded these, ever since I got my first panic attack during an oral presentation when I was 10 years old in fourth grade!! Now I hadn't done one since I graduated 12th grade, which is nearly ten year ago ... and up until now I have done about six of them!!!! Quite impressive even if I say so myself!
From late november and on, I haven't been feeling very well though. I managed to push my limits constantly, sometimes every single day, from September through October and most of November, and that eventually caught up with me, so when things started to not go very well, I couldn't quite handle it.
In no way did I give up, but I had to go back to looking at alternative solutions here and there, something which I up until then had managed to completely avoid. Despite that, I have to say that I'm very pleased with most of the semester, espcially the first 10-week course. Some stuff at the end appeared to complicate things a lot, but it turned out that I got VG on that course, which made me very happy and proud. That really proved to me that I am capable of handling university studies, even if things don't always work out the way I want them to!
I have had to deal with certain personal issues throughout most of the year. They were even more evident during most of the fall, and I have written a little about it here in the blog as well. I still don't want to go into detail about it, since I still have to deal with them. They are rather vague and emotional, but they have played a rather large part of my life this past year, so in order to look back at 2006, I think I should include them. Some part of me is rather upset about these issues, because logically I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about them, and they still make me feel very, very bad at times ... Still, I can't just pretend they aren't there, because obviously they are!
All in all though, 2006 has been a really good year, where I in many ways have challenged myself, and for the most part, I have handled the challenges in a satisfactory matter, which of course feels great!
Like I wrote in the beginning: I have no intention whatsoever of looking ahead and trying to see what 2007 might bring, because more or less every time I've done that, I have been disappointed since things in life have taken completely unexpected turns ... so I'll just be happy about the fact that I have accomplish so much during 2006.
If I have to say one major thing about 2006 it is that I think that this year really has convinced me that I am capable of handling university studies, that I will be able to go through with my education, even if it doesn't always work out perfectly from beginning to end!
Take care!
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