Disappointment!

I haven't had a good day at all today ... and that makes me rather frustrated, because I cannot afford to have days like that right now.

I didn't feel great this morning, and I even considered skipping the lecture, but since we'd been told we would get the exams today, I gathered my composure and managed to get going. I know I have a hang-up about this stupid exam, I think it has to do with the fact that I did so well on the last one ... and now I kind of feel, and I feel that other feel, that I have to match that, do just as well on this one - which isn't an easy goal to reach! I think I will accept pretty much whatever result I get (unless I've failed!), just so long as I get it and can deal with it.
So, I got to Uni, feeling completely dead, and the first thing our teacher says is that he was too tired to grade exams yesterday so we won't get them! At that moment, I just felt like walking out of there and going home! Which of course, I didn't! But I did feel utterly disappointed, and I'm starting to wonder if we are ever going to get the exams back!

We went through the first chapter of Galatians today, and I wasn't prepared of course. He didn't except it, but I did get a few comments from him ... Afterwards I wanted to talk to him, one on one, and explain about how I hope to do in the future, that I have to prioritize my essay but that I'm hoping to attend lecture and work out the exam. We were a bit late, I had hoped to meet Lena, and we were having a mentor meeting, so I was hoping to catch him right away ... yeah right!! Apparently another student beat me to it, and got into a rather lengthy discussion about the New Perspective on Paul or whatnot ... I waited and waited, everybody had left (supposedly gone to the mentormeeting), another group of students wanted to use the room we were in ... Finally the teacher acknowledged me, but he didn't finish the disucssion with the other guy, so I had to say something in front of him, and quickly and it just felt totally messy! I know the teacher basically understands (we've been discussing the fact that I'm studying full-time Greek and doing a Hebrew essay on several occasions), but I had wanted to get a 'real' talk going with him - which was completely impossible!
I felt really disappointed after that but went to hunt for Lena - instead I met Johanna, which was a lot of fun!! I'm meeting her and Sara on Friday night, and I'm SOOOO looking forward to it! I don't think I have met Sara since September or something! *gasp* And then I managed to catch up with Lena but only for a few moments, because she was having a lecture at 10.15 - and I'm afraid all I did was basically complain about everything, so I guess I wasn't that much fun to talk to ... *oops*
I had hoped to catch the 10.22 train and rushed down to the station, only to see it leave the platform ... thank you very much! Granted, the train leaves every half an hour, but at this point, it felt like forever ...

I haven't had much luck in turning my bad mood around during the afternoon either, so things bascially feel very confusing and frustrating and generally upsetting!
ONE good thing happened - I had an early Christmas card from my sisters (they must have posted it before they left for Florida!), with a wonderful photo in it ... I think this is one of my top favourites among all photos - and I'm making it into the Pic-of-the-Day!

Pic of the Day:



Isn't it a GREAT photo?!? I just love it! :)

New Week Ahead!

As usual, the weekend hasn't been all that great!
I guess everybody will want to kill me for saying that, but I opt for the cancellation of weekends! *lol* Seriously though, I can never get a weekend to work out! I'm constantly in a bad mood, I never get things done, and then I get upset for not getting things done, but when I try to get things done, they end up not getting done anyway!!
And yes, there's a tad bit for frustration in there ... :)

I won't make this into a long entry, because I'll just end up babbling incoherently about how terrible I feel right now, and seriously, you folks have better things to do than reading about my sucky weekend!

I do feel divided about all this though! Part of me is happy the weekend is over, because I am usually in a better mood during the weeks ... but a part of me is stressing like a maniac because I haven't gotten as much done as I should have during the weekend and I know I don't have all the time in the world during the week. Life is hard, right?!

It's getting late already, but I'm hoping - *fingers crossed* - I'll get about 1-1½ hours of studies done tonight ... before going to bed (though I'm still yawning like crazy already!)!

Pic of the Day - yeah, it returns! :)




I spoke to both my sisters on the phone yesterday, so what better pic-of-the-day than this wonderful "Yummy!"-scrap! :)

Blog Dedication
To Lena - who's doing an oral exam tomorrow!! Thinking of you, I'm sure you'll turn the charm on and things will work out! ;) *hugs*

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France (and a lot of other stuff as well)
Currently watching: "Parlamentet" (Swedish comedy)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Library studies, Greek lecture, maybe meeting Lena, more studies

Taking The Day Off!

Yes, I had my Greek exam this morning, and have since then taken the day off!!
It feels absolutely wonderful to simply do nothing, without feeling bad about it! :) I know it's this day and this day only, but I have enjoyed it a lot!

The exam ... what can I say? Well, I'm basically as sure as you can be that I passed ... if nothing completely unforeseen happens and I have all of a sudden forgotten all the Greek I have learned.
Apart from that - things are a bit complicated. I haven't sorted it all through in my head yet, and to be honest, I'm not sure I feel up to writing about it in a public blog, but some things doesn't feel quite right. It's nothing major, and I don't think it will have long term implications, it's just personal thoughts and feelings. I'm hoping for diary session, either tonight or tomorrow morning, to hopefully sort most of it out in my head at least.

I met Lena after the exam, she had her New Testament exam, and we managed to catch up with each other and went for well deserved coffee afterwards - nice!! I haven't seen her in a long time, so it was great catching up again!

And since I got home, basically nothing! :) I've been sitting in front of the computer, reading a bit, watching TV ... done absolutely nothing! And to be honest, I think I deserved it. Starting tomorrow, it's full steam ahead again, but I have truly enjoyed this relaxing day.

Tomorrows plans ... well, I'll be cleaning my apartment - as always it's a complete mess right after an exam - and do some grocery shopping. At 6 p.m. Lena and Tobias will come for a little something to eat, and then we're going to see the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace - yay!! I'm really looking forward to it, even though I'm still getting used to this kind of "new" Bond-series thing, I was confused to say the least after having seen Casino Royale back in 2006!

I really do hope I can gather the energy to write a little in my diary tonight, but I guess I'd better get started before it gets way to late.
Take care!

Pic of the Day



At long last, the Pic of the Day is back! Another lovely ocean picture, I really like this one ... for some reason, the water was really low when I took this photo, otherwise I had never gotten the shoreline the way it is here.

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Förgörarna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Cleaning, shopping, meeting Lena & Tobias, movie

13,000 Visistors!! And Hectic Times!

Wow, 13,000 Visitors!! Thank you all so much for reading my blog (despite my absence now)!! :)
Also, I have added a feature which you can see in the right column, called Follow this blog! Please feel free to use it, and it helps you keep track of my blog, and it helps me to know who keeps track of my blog! :) A Winner For All!

Moving on to more practical matters ... as I have some hectic days coming up now. I basically hope I can survive until November 1st, when I should be able to take a well-earned relaxing holiday - I hope! I know I haven't written here in ages, so I thought I'd give you a little insight to what is actually going on these two weeks. I guess it's not over-the-top, but since I haven't been feeling great, I get tired a lot easier and things usually take longer to finish.
But here we go...

Tomorrow I have lectures (Greek) 8-10. Right after that there is a mentor meeting (which I would have liked to attend, as I have been to very few), but I am meeting my Greek teacher then, for a bit of a run-through of the latest grammar. Since I haven't been doing so great the last few weeks, I feel I have missed some things, and he agreed to take a while after lectures and run it by me again ...
Then I'm meeting Lena at Uni, she has a group exam in her New Testament course, and it's nice to be able to catch up when we're both at the Department at the same time! When I come home, I have a few errands in town that I have been putting off, and I'm definitely hoping to get them done tomorrow! *fingers crossed*

On Thursday I think I "only" have lectures in the morning ... which means I should be able to get home early and get a lot of studying done. *fingers crossed again*

Friday will be a long day. Greek lectures 8-10, and then I'll probably be working on my essay in the library. At 4.15, the professor I had in Old Testament Hebrew (twice!) will give his last lecture at the Department, and I really want to attend. He's one of the better teachers I've had, and it will be a loss to the Department that he won't be teaching anymore - but I'm very much looking forward to his lecture, I'm curious what it will be about!
Anyway, that will mean I'm not home until quite late ...

On Saturday is the Wedding!!! Lena and Tobias are getting married on Saturday, and guess who's invited as the unofficial photographer? *gulp* It's going to be wonderful to be there, but I can't help being a bit nervous. I've only attended one wedding in my life, and that was 15 years ago! And I also actually turned down a wedding invitation from a friend a few years ago, when I wasn't feeling so great ... so yeah, I'm pretty nervous. Will be fun doing a lot of photographing though! :) I'm definitely not a pro in any way, but I enjoy it a lot, and hopefully I'll be able to get some nice shots of the happy couple!

And then things get a bit tricky ... becuase I know I'll probably need some time to wind down and calm myself down after the wedding (things like that always require some "recovery-time" for me, even though I'm doing way better than ever before), and the problem is I don't have that time. Sure, Sunday, but I cannot take Sunday off, because on Monday morning, I have this major essay seminar which I'm in a complete state of panic about!!
I have neglected most of the work on my essay and what I have been doing on it just feels silly and stupid and not something that will ever work out. I have had a few previous bad experiences with essays that didn't get written, and I think that has stuck in my mind, because it seems absolutely impossible for me do work this out. And presenting some of it as a seminar is NOT something I'm looking forward to, especially since everybody is going to have oppinions, you're supposed to bascially defend the parts of your essay you are presenting - SCARY!! I also know that the two professors leading the seminar are very demanding, which I really like ... I'd rather have that than a professor who doesn't care ... but demanding professors also means a LOT more criticism - and I do not take even constructive criticism well. *gulp*
I will be missing a Greek lecture on Monday too, because the lecture and the seminar collides ... but I cannot miss the seminar, so I'm just gonna have to live with it.

The rest of that week is bascially Greek lectures Tuesday and Wednesday, one or two mentor meetings - which I HAVE to attend!!! - and then the huge exam on Friday morning (8 a.m. through 1 p.m.).
And after that, I have a feeling I'll be more dead than alive ...

Yep, that's my "come-back-entry" ... here's what's going on right now, and hopefully I'll be able to sort it out ... I'm not saying everything has to be perfect, but a lot of things now need work if the consequences aren't going to be too dire.
I need to go to all the lectures that are left ... (except the one I'll miss because of the seminar).
I need to at least make a decent impression on the essay seminar, to feel I have any chance of ever finishing this essay.
I need to pass the Greek exam, otherwise things will be very complicated.
And I really want my two "personal challenges" - which is the retirement lecture on Friday and the wedding on Saturday - to work out for me. I know that I'm probably oversensitive when it comes to things like that, I tend to notice things nobody else notices etc. - but I need to feel pretty good about it for my own confidence. Fact of the matter is, the most important thing is how I feel about the things I'm doing, not how everybody else reacts ...

Long entry ... I think I'd better head back to my Greek grammar now, so I'm prepared for tomorrow! :)
Take care!

Pic of the Day:


I just got this sudden craving for ice cream - and what better than to make this the pic of the day! :) It was taking on an outing this summer, and it was the first time I had seen "I" eat ice cream on her own! :) Cutie!

Blog Dedication:
To Lena, whom I know is struggling to make things work out right now! Hang in there - you'll make it work in the end - I have every confidence in you!


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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Död i ruta ett, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: The X-Files, season 4
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting with the teacher, meeting Lena, running errands, studying

Such An Intense Day!

Today has been a very confusing and very intense day, and I can hardly keep my eyes open now, so it'll definitely be an early night for me, that's for sure.
Most things today has turned out really well - as oppose to the last few days or so, when I haven't been feeling all that great - but it has still been a lot of things that have affected me emotionally, and that draws a lot of energy from you!

We had lectures this morning ... it was okay, I suppose. There was once "incident", no panic or anything, but it didn't feel all that great. It didn't affect me nearly as much as it would have a year or two ago, but it still felt a little uncomfortable.
After lectures, I tried gathering some thoughts on my essay, as I had a meeting with my professor about that. A few other students came up and talked to me, and I know I'm repeating myself like a broken record, but I'm SO happy things are working out the way they are at the Department!

I met my professor at 10.15, and I have to say I'm very impressed with him. He's always in a good mood, always has a very positive attitude, and I think what's most important to me is that he is (at least he seems to be and I have no reason to doubt him!) genuinely interested in what you do. I mean, this is a professor who has worked with this stuff for God-knows how many years - feels like he should have "seen it all - heard it all", but he takes an interest in what you do and how you think about things.
Most of all, I got some great help for my essay. It really helped talking things through with him and I got some great advice on how to move forward and what to do next, which was exactly what I needed!

Then I was supposed to get a ton of errands done, all over town ... and I ended up getting none done!! It was quite frustrating actually, as I had planned for it, and had set aside time for it ... guess there's not much to do about it, but at least one thing will be tricky to work out now - and naturally that was the most important one ...

When I got back to the Department I placed myself in the library with the ambition to work on the 20 (at least!!!) sentences we were supposed to prepare for tomorrow ... and I was completely unfocused! I had a headache that turned worse by the minute and I felt totally out-of-it. A friend who also takes Greek now came and talked for a while, but unfortunately that didn't cheer me up much this time - I had so much on my mind, and just felt confused about everything.
A professor in the New Testament showed up, I had him on two courses last semester, and I think he's really nice. We ended up having quite the conversation about essays, Greek and Hebrew, various courses and such, and it was really nice!! Since I want to continue with post-graduate studies eventually, it's wonderful to be able to talk and be fairly relaxed, not only to students but also to teachers and professors!

I should have stayed at Uni for the optional essay-writing course between four and six, but there was no way I could cope, so at 2 o'clock I gave up and came home ...
I've been feeling completely out-of-it ever since I came home ... not really sure why I've been this tired, because even though it has been an intense day (and note I'm not quite comfortable writing everything in a public blog, so reading between the lines make you realize a bit more actually happened).

I also found out that the professor of Old Testament that I have had twice in Hebrew, and like very much, will be holding his last public lecture in a matter of weeks. He's retiring now and will make this one "his goodbye", I suppose. Ever since I found out we would be giving it I have wanted to go, and now I finally found the time and date for it!
Unfortunately, it's tied in with everything else - I guess there's no surprise everything will come at once, right?
Soooooo, on 24 October I will attend his lecture (which is late in the afternoon). On 25 October I'm going to a wedding. On 27 October we have our big essay-seminar, which I'm in total panic about. On 31 October we have our (pretty HUGE) Greek exam .... *gulp*
I wonder how I will live through that week? ;)

Anyway, since I'm more dead than alive right now, I'd better try to get some sleep, if I'm going to survive tomorrow!

Take care!

Pic of the Day:


A lovely night-time photo from the ocean, where the birds are all settling in for the night.

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Guds bok (The Book of God), Walter Wangerin
Currently watching: Family Guy
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lectures, running other errands, studies

Weekend Over + Blog News!

Wow, the weeks really do fly by now, don't they? A new one starting tomorrow ... already?

This weekend has been pretty "okay", though maybe not great. I did managed to get at least a bit done in my Greek studies, I don't feel I'm quite as far behind as I was feeling last week, though I still wish I had managed to catch up a little more. I know I know a lot, in Greek, but I still feel very insecure. I don't know how much, or how well, the other students know stuff (and it's difficult, because the level in the group is extremely diverse - there are those who know faaar less than I do, but still manage to get the sentences right, and there are those who seems to read fluent Greek without having to do anything), so it's hard for me to tell just how far behind I actually am.

Today has been mostly spent on my essay ... which really isn't going so great! I know I'm probably making this whole essay-thing into something way bigger than it actually is, but I still feel super-confused and I don't know anything. I have soooo many thoughts and embryos to ideas, but I have no idea how to make sense of them, if I can use them, and in that case, how ... I emailed my professor this afternoon, so I'm hoping to get a meeting with him during the week, to really talk this over. I hope I can really talk to him to, tell him how nervous and confused and upset I am about this, and hopefully we can start making sense of it all. I hope ...

This evening I took some relaxation-time and watched the second Stargate movie "Continuum" for the first time - and it was really great!! When I read the back, I was a bit skeptical, as I'm not (**some spoiler warning**) that fond of the time-line-alternating-storylines (I think the SG-1 episodes Moebius Parts 1 and 2 were fantastic, but mostly because of the writing and character work put into them, not so much the storyline ...) - but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by "Continuum" - it was way better than I had anticipated!
It was fantastic to see old familiar faces back in style again - most notably of course, Richard Dean Anderson as General Jack O'Neill! I really like the later seasons of SG-1, Ben Browder did a fantastic job coming in in season 9, but let's face it, Jack O'Neill really belongs in the Stargate universe! :)

Moving on to some blog news!
I have decided to cancel my "Jessica's Daily Pictures" blog as of now. (I have been thinking about it during the weekend) I don't get much out of it, and it has mainly become a pressure to update every day, find nice pictures, make interesting/funny/relevant comments to them etc. and I just don't have time for that.
Instead I will make it a part of this blog ... At the end of - hopefully - most entries here, there will be a "pic-of-the-day", with a short comment. That way I will be able to share all the pictures I want to share, but I will have no pressure to update every single day, and it won't be on a separate blog, it will only be a matter of inserting a pictures into this regular blog. I think that will work out for me, so I'm hoping that will work out for you too! :)
So here goes the first one!

Pic Of The Day



As I have been watching Stargate Continuum today, a tribute to the original SG-1 team here.
Here they are: Teal'c (Christopher Judge), Jack O'Neill (Richard Dean Anderson), Daniel Jackson (Michael Shanks) and Samantha Carter (Amanda Tapping). While I don't think you can see it, the background is actually an image of the wormhole ...

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Guds bok (The Book of God), Walter Wangerin
Currently watching: Finding Forrester
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting Lena, Library, Studies