Wednesday, 27 February 2008

How To Cure A Cold?

While my mood has improved a lot since Monday - that day was just a big black hole that I'd rather forget about as soon as possible - I have caught a cold, and I really, totally, utterly do NOT have time for that right now! I am doing everything I can think of - anybody got any "instant-cold-cures", I be more than greatful!!! - but I know that basically I just have to let it run its course. Unfortunately, it's not quite that easy ...
I still have deadlines upon deadlines upon deadlines, and nobody will postpone anything just because I have a runny nose, a headache and fever!! So this is a bit of a problem right now! I know it doesn't get better if I keep whining about it, but I find it difficult to just shrug it off as well. In Hebrew we have come so far, that I really need to keep up now, if I'm gonna get something out of this "double-act" that I'm pulling right now, and we've just started the New Testament course, it would be nice to not fall helplessly behind after the second lecture! There are also two seminars and some kind of strange "group-exam" (as well as a written one) on that course, and I more and more feel like I really, really want to avoid all these "alternate solutions" I've been looking for for so long ... but I can't go through with something like that if I'm not prepared ... and to prepare I need time - and energy - and not quite so high a fever ...
And here we go - I am back to whining!!

I guess I should just quit this entry before it becomes even more insane (guess I can always blame it on the fever though, right?! *lol*)!!
Yes, this cold constitutes a problem right now, but fact of the matter is - if it's nothing worse then getting a cold, I really shouldn't complain about anything!!!
So there!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nothing, really ...
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing ...
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, New Testament lecture, buying litterature for the course ... trying to cure my cold ....

Monday, 25 February 2008

"Bad - Bader - Badest!"

Yes, before you all go herassing me about the title - it was made deliberate!!
I've had probably the worst day of this semester ... not only probably, it has been the worst one yet, without a doubt! Everything has gone completely insane, and I've felt awful!!! I sincerely hope this was a one-time-only incident, and that I will get back on track tomorrow, because this day has reminded me of last spring a lot more than I had ever wanted ... *shivers*
I'm sorry this entry doesn't have a more positive attitude, but I have really been feeling awful today, for all sorts of reasons, and topping it all off with a major-size headache doesn't help. I guess I should just try to get to bed and hope for better luck tomorrow, right?! :)

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nothing
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Who the Hell knows?!!??

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Stupid Weekends!

Well, keeping in line with my "new life", my weekends continue to suck!
I had a really great Friday, that was a wonderful day - completely relaxing from studies and just doing whatever I felt like ... amazing!!
However, I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and pains in my chest ... and soon came the fever!! I simply cannot get sick now, that's just not part of the plan, period!! I have tried every cold-cure I could think of - including chewing raw garlic, and I can only say I understand why that's supposed to work on vampires, that's for sure ... sooooo terrible!! At times I have seemed to get better, and overall I think I am, but I still get fever peaks, and I feel really tired and 'out-of-it' ... *sigh*
I had planned to get soooo much done during the weekend, and ... well, not much of it happened! I am greatful I didn't have any heavy studying that I had to do, for an exam or something, but I still would have liked to get stuff done - repeating Hebrew, cleaning, laundry and lots of other stuff I have postponed due to studies ... And on Tuesday I start the New Testament course, so then it's full speed ahead again ...

I really do hope I have nipped this cold in the bud, so I can start getting on with things tomorrow morning, because I really need to!!! And I do not have time to get sick, and that's final! :)

Finising off with some Stargate-graphics! :)

Hope you guys had a great weekend!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nothing, actually ....
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 4
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, Hebrew lecture, hopefully some cleaning

Friday, 22 February 2008

Double Celebration!

I'm actually celebration double today ... although one celebration has been forgotten in everything that has been going on in my life, and is a bit late.
First and foremost, I'm celebrating my day off - I have taken every minute of today after lectures this morning off, just relaxing and doing what I WANT!! Wonderful!!
Yesterday was tough, with lectures in the morning, and the Old Testament exam at 2 in the afternoon! I think I did okay on the exam, and I should have passed! There's a re-organizing going on of the entire University education system in Sweden, and this also effects the grades, making everything even more confusing, but like I said, I should have at least passed (we get the exams back on March 13th, so keep your fingers crossed until then, will you?! )
We had lectures this morning too, and despite a certain nervousness with me, everything worked out great! I had only prepared a few sentences for today (understandably, right?!?), and I quickly realized that I would be asked to read/analyze/translate and also that it would be a sentence I had not prepared! This would have constitued a national crises had it been a year ago, and while I was a little bit nervous, it felt quite okay to read, and then say that I hadn't prepared anything ... I also managed to answer to a question in class, during the second half of the lecture - and I can't help but be amazed at how my life is right now (especially in Hebrew class) ...
The teacher is very soft spoken, but I'm wondering if he doesn't think that there are actually two of us, the "evil" Jessica was there last semester, and the "real" one is there now - because if I try to see things from an outside perspective, I actually feel like two completely different persons!!
So, finishing the end of this week in this way certainly requires celebration!

I also should have celebrated on February 13th ... but aparently that day simply flew by without me thinking about it's special significance ... but the fact it, that on February 13, 2006, I finished the sick-leave I had been on for close to four years and went back to full-time studies! Something to really celebrate, at least in my opinion!! I can't say that it's been great ever since, because that would be an outright lie - but I am first and foremost proud of the fact that I managed to come back to studies at all, after being away for so long!!! And if one looks to the way this semester has been so far, soooooooooo much has happened in these two years ...

I have had a fantastic day - I haven't done much, a few digi-scraps (not uploaded yet) and mostly TV and tacos (yeah!!!!) - I have watched six brand new Stargate-epsiodes so far!! *lol* Just now I finished "Window of Oportunity", I don't think I have laughed that much in a long time!!! Hilarious!!!! The time-loop sequence was probably my favourite, even though I don't think Sam and Jack should get together, their kiss in front of General Hammond was very memorable, also Jack and Teal'c golfing through the Stargate - wonderful episode!!
Apart from that, not much to say about this day!
I have tons of stuff to get done this weekend - but I had early on decided that this would be my "day off" - so I have completely foucsed on fun stuff today! I'll start on the "must-list" tomorrow morning! *lol*

Take care guys, I hope you are enjoying your weekend as much as I'm enjoying mine!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible!
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 4)
Currently listening to: If We Ran The Navy - Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: Studying Hebrew, cleaning!

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

^^ Nemesis ^^

Okay, this will be a bit of a different entry, as I've been in the worst possible mood ever today ... but something a little bit funny happened, and I thought I'd turn that into a blog entry (instead of boring you all to death with my terrible mood!)

I took a break at some point today and decided to watch an episode of "Stargate SG-1"- yay!! Even though I've had the entire box set for a while now, I haven't had much time to watch it, and when I watch completely new episodes, I really want to be able to take the time and sit down and focus. So today I decided to watch one, and I had reached the end of season 3, so I would watch the season finale, "Nemesis" (hence the blog title *lol*).
And I was very surprised, because it turns out that "Nemesis" was actually the very, very, very, very first Stargate-episode I ever watched! *cool* I more or less "acidentally" turned into the Swedish TV6 channel this summer, when it did nothing but rain and I was stuck in the summerhouse with nothing to do. I distinctly remember this was the first episode, since it is rather special, with Jack, Sam and Teal'c on board Thor's space ship, AND of course, the replicators!! I remember enjoying the episode, having seen McGyver in my younger days I naturally recognised Richard Dean Anderson ... but I wasn't that thrilled. It took me about 4 or 5 episodes I think, which I saw at very uneven intervalls, before I was completely hooked!
I was surprised to find out that the first episode I saw was as early as the end of season 3, as I had always thought I came in sometime around mid-season 5 ...:) And little did I know at the time, that I had actually caught the very first Replicator-episode! Cool to the max! :)

Well, as this might excite some of you out there who are also completely into Stargate - the rest of you might figure out from this that I haven't had the most exciting day (after all, when the most fun and exciting event of the day is finding out what Stargate-episode was the first I ever say ... things have gone pretty far!!)!
I have been studying like an idiot for the exam tomorrow and absolutely nothing has worked out - nothing!!! It's taken forever, and I'm completely exhausted now ... so I'm gonna try to get some sleep now ... if I can!
I have two really terrible days coming up, but I hope I'll be able to make some kind of summary-blog-entry during the weekend, to get me back on track! :)
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible - Proverbs (skipped Job and Ezra, as I had read them for my course)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Nothing...
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture 8-10, Old Testament exam 1-7!!

Sunday, 17 February 2008

Reverse Universe!

Well, I kinda feel like I've gone into an alternate reality (and yes, all you Stargate-fans, that was a deliberate statement *lol*), where everything has been reversed! Earlier I've had a fairly hard time getting to lectures, having to travel to Uni and everything surrounding that, and when I've had days to myself, just being able to be at home in my "safe-zone" I've felt relaxed and been in a good mood.
And now it's completely reverse!! My mood is more or less terrific during the weeks - and now I've had lectures every single day of the week (don't think that's ever happened before!) - but when the weekend comes and I don't have to go anywhere, my mood gets worse and I just feel generally annoyed with everything!
Very strange indeed!!

The weekend has certainly been focused on studies, but everything takes forever, or at least that's the way I feel right now. It doesn't help that about 90% of my studies consists of writing, wether by hand or on the computer, and I've completely screwed up my right hand. I was in pretty much pain about a week ago, but then it seemed to get better ... well, not anymore! I really should get some sort of support for my wrist, I think I'll try to put aside sometime for that tomorrow - although I'm so totally stressed out from studying, I don't really feel like I have that time ... still, if I have give up writing, there's no way I'll pass my exams, so I guess I'll have to choose the lesser of two evils, right?!

This week will be pretty tough, although there aren't many lectures .... I have Hebrew lectures tomorrow and on Tuesday, I have the day "off" (!!) on Wednesday. On Thursday I have Hebrew 8-10 and my Old Testament exam 2-7 (*yawn*), but I plan to park myself in the library pretty much non-stop between 10 and 2, so I hope to get some last-minute studies done then. Up early on Friday morning, for Hebrew lecture 8-10 ... and then I can celebrate my weekend. I'll probably be more than exhausted, so I have actually planned to take the entire Friday from 10 a.m. off - no studies at all! :) I've fallen a bit behind in retyping my notes for Hebrew now, and will do even more so during this week as I totally have to focus on the exam, but I will not start on that until Saturday morning! :)

I hope you all had a great weekend!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible (1st book of Chronicles)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 3)
Currently listening to: What Have I Done? - Les Misérables Original London Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lectures, shopping, STUDIES!

Friday, 15 February 2008

*~* YES! *~*

I have actually had a really good day today, where pretty much everything has worked out really well! Those days aren't that frequent with me, so I am truly greatful when I get to experience them ... and I do realize that my blog mostly has had a negative tone to it before - so I'm trying to make up for it now, by really telling you that I am in fact feeling really good right now!

We had Hebrew first, and this time I actually was a bit worried at first. It was kind of tough at home this morning and I did have anxiety! I think it mostly comes from the fact that we are currently moving into the areas where I had major problems last semester, where I misesd about 4 or 5 lectures and felt really awful! I have actually gone back and read my diaries from this time last year and it's really terrible! The anxiety screams to you from every page and I do have a hard time just reading it now! I think that's where my current anxiety comes from, even though I know that I have changed a lot ... but a lot of stuff are the same as well: it's the same sentences, the same "read-translate-analyze"-thing, the same teacher, the same litterature ... so I do feel anxiety now as well ...
It has not reached the point where I'm doubting wether I'll go or not, which is very good, and I know pretty much what to use in order to reduce the anxiety that I do have.

Once I got to Uni this morning, things somehow really improved ... I'm always there first, but my friend Lena arrives pretty soon after me. When she came this morning, she was looking rather tired, while I was in a great mood and actually sang a little song to welcome her! *LOL* For some reason she didn't quite improve! :D
I am nervous when it comes to reading and all of that, but I'm also realizing more and more, that there is no big deal to make mistakes, and a lot of people in the class aren't that great at reading ... so I really should worry if I don't feel I'm "perfect" in any way. I think this goes back to last year as well, I always felt like I was the worst possible student, I knew the last, I made the most mistakes etc. which made me feel very exposed and vulnarable ... but that's not the case now! I'm far from the "best", but that's perfectly fine with me ... I just don't want to be the who always makes the stupid mistakes - but I'm really NOT!!

After the lecture, like last Friday, our teacher said he'd go for coffee at the Sociology Department and I think that is a really lovely gesture and I love the way it allows students and teachers to interact on equal grounds. Often it's very clear boundries - they are the teachers, we are the students, but fact of the matter is, in the end, we're all human beings, right?! Lena didn't want to come, she'd brought coffee and wanted to get a headstart studying ... this made me really stop and think! Last Friday we'd both gone, which makes me feel like I kind of have "safety net", since I know her so well ... now what? To my great delight I could both in front of myself and in front of her, say that I wanted to accompany our teacher for coffee instead - and I did!! In all honesty, it wasn't that hard to make that decision, but when it really comes down to it, I think this was a rather big thing for me. I don't know how to quite put this, but I've always been a "follower" rather than a leader, and always done what everyone else does ... so in this case, to "go against" Lena and do "my own thing" is pretty big, I think ... and it makes me kinda proud too! :)
We had a lovely coffee break; me, our teacher and four other students from the course!!
Afterwards I spent about 1½ with Lena, going through some Hebrew grammar - I had missed some things during the week and she'd missed some other things ... so it felt good to go through it before the weekend.

I was home at about 1, and had a wonderful 1½ hours-nap which was GREAT!! This afternoon I went out for a walk with my "new" camera, the first time I've really taken time to do that! We've had a wonderful day today, cold but sunny and fantastic!! It turned out to be quite a lot of photos - so you're actually only getting a selection of them! (some other pictures as well!)
I hope you enjoy them!!

Tired Zorro on my couch!
Cute while he's sleeping, right?! :)

This is me, obviously! *lol*
I had my camera with me to Uni (doesn't happen that often!!) and Lena wanted to try it! Looks really terrible, but I guess my fellow students survive with having me around! :)

Ran into a lovely looking swan on my walk today!
Think he (she?) was looking for a feed though ...

Various photos from my walk this afternoon! I love the sharp contrast between light and dark in some of the pictures! It wasn't really as dark as it looks, but since the sun was so sharp, I guess the camera compensates!

And finally - my SUNSET!!! Looks great, doesn't it?! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible (2nd book of Samuel so far)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Israeli Radio Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Heavy studying, and cleaning my apartment

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Better Mood, But Sad News!

Well, my mood seems to improve now, even though I'm feeling tired and rather stressed out, I still feel pretty good about where my life is right now (wow, had anybody said that to me a year ago, I would have had them comitted to an institution!!) ... quite amazing!

Hebrew lecture this morning, worked out pretty well. I still have to work hard at being more active in class - and I'm not always succeeding! But I really want to be able to, so I'm hoping I will be able to soon! One thing is the "read-translate-analyze" thing, because our teacher mostly asks one of us to do it, so if I hear "Jessica, will you read sentence one" I really don't have much choice, do I? The trick is when he asks other questions ... because fact of the matter is, I know most of the answers - even those that aren't directly related to our current course!! Like today, we had a name appearing and he asked if we knew who this person really was ... two pretty well-known people in the Bible had this name, and I knew both of them - but I didn't answer! *annoyed* Still, I am very much aware of this, both when I'm home but also when I am in class, so I really hope I'll get better at it!

I was home pretty early, but I have been very tired ... I guess all these 4.30 a.m.-mornings are starting to get to me now! :) I wasn't as effective as I had hoped during the afternoon, and then I got some bad news which made it a bit hard to concentrate on studies. I spoke to my Dad who told me that their next-door neighbour had died. I didn't "know" her, but she was still very much part of the general environment there. She was related to two of my best friends when I was little, and she was always around - she got on really well with my sister (M) and she had this cat who was always around when you were there. We knew this could happen as she had been very ill for a while, but it is still something you can never quite accept or understand - until it really happens!!
I will cope with this, of course, I wasn't close to her, but naturally it takes a little wihle to deal with this ... Also, she was about the same age as my parents, and even thouh I naturally know I won't be able to have them around forever, this was a rather crude reminder of how fragile your life and existence really is, and at any point in time it can be turned up-side-down ...

I haven't gotten much done at all tonight, but I will try not to worry to much about that, somehow it will have to work itself out anyway ... my concentration-level isn't the higest right now, so to speak ...

Now I'll try to get to bed fairly early, I could do with a good night's sleep - early morning tomorrow again, and then Lena and I will probably stay and study for a while afterwards ... I also need to be completely, 100% effective during the weekend, as I have to:
  • retype Hebrew notes
  • retype Old Testament notes
  • Complete an Old Testament paper
  • Read Old Testament litterature for the exam next week (3 books)
  • Clean the whole appartment
  • Do a lot of laundry
  • And probably a few things I have forgotten already ...
Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Bustopher Jones, Cats
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, studies, cleaning

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

The Middle Day!

This has rather felt like "the middle day" ... I haven't been feeling quite so on-top-of-the-world the last few days, and I think it all culminated today. It also feels like I'm through the worst of it now, because my mood has improved during the day and I do feel ready to take on the coming days and coming challenges!

I don't have a great deal to write about though, since pretty much my whole existence is currently centered around studies, wether it's writing papers, going through litterature or translating Hebrew sentences ... and there's only so much you can find to write about regarding that .... (Also, I have a strong feeling that most of you aren't that interested in a detailed report on how to properly analyze a Hebrew verb, right?! *lol*)

I have an Old Testament-exam coming up late next week, so even though I don't want to let go of the Hebrew, I will definately have to prioritize the other course up to the exam. I have one paper left to write in the Old Testament, but if I can get that done - it doesn't seem to be that extensive - I can focus only on the litterature and my notes, which feels good.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a friend and her young son, I'm sooo looking forward to that! I LOVE meeting babies and this little one is not even two months yet! *adorable!* I haven't seen him in two weeks so I'm betting he's grown since then! :)

Well, I'd better get going preparing some lunch to take with me tomorrow, as I'll be leaving here at about a quarter to seven in the morning, and I'm probably not home until about six in the evening ... and I have a strong feeling I have to eat something while I'm away!

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew studies and meeting a friend

Monday, 11 February 2008

Good Life - Bad Day!

Well, my life continues to really work out now, although I've had a pretty bad day today!
This weekend wasn't completely on top either, and it seems like things have gone completely in reverse for me now. Earlier, the days when I had to be at Uni, or "work", be active and in a social environment, were the tough ones, the days that didn't turn out good. Now those days are better then the weekends, when I get to stay home! :)

Today was not that good though! First of all, I have more or less completely wrecked my right hand ... from writing to much! It feels really embarressing, but it's the truth!! My wrist aces constantly and most of the joints in my fingers hurt as soon as I try to do anything! (Holding a pen or pencil feels almost like torture!) And as about 90% of my studies consists of me writing - most of it by hand! - that's not good! I can't just "rest" or "give it up" either, as things are right now!! That has been rather annoying throughout the day!
The lectures today collided, and I know I have to go to Old Testament when that happens. When I got there, things didn't feel right at all ... it was quite tough actually. I feel a lot better being around the Department now but when things get strange I get some of the old alienation-feeling back ... After some agony I finally realized that the Old Testament lecture had been at 10-12 (instead of 1-3, when I was there!)!!! Either the schedule had been changed, or I had typed it wrong in my calender! It really annoyed me, and of course, by the time I realized it, it was too late to go to the Hebrew lecture that had already started.
What I did manage to do - which I probably would have done a year, or even six months ago - was stay until they took a break in Hebrew, and join in the other half of the lecture ... and I guess that was something at least, right?!

After lectures, Lena and me tried to study for about an hour, but the sentences were mostly strange, and my hand was totally hurting, so I was in a terrible mood .... I wasn't home until after 5.30, and then Zorro had a complete nervous breakdown - which happens sometimes when I've been gone for a long time! I had to double-check most of the Hebrew, which took a couple of hours, and I still have a paper about the Old Testament prophets to write, which turns out no good at all ....

I'll try not to sound too negative, because a great deal in my life is really wonderful right now ... but this day has been a strain!!
I just hope tomorrow will be better!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 2
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Hungarian Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures: Hebrew + Old Testament, shopping (?), studying

Friday, 8 February 2008

Now I Am Feeling Guilty!

I've had a really great day today, but I still feel a little guilty actually ... I did take it quite easy yesterday, so my plans was to keep at studying all day today and ... well ... that didn't happen! I keep having people telling me to slow down, and I think it might do me good to relax from studies at some point, but the problem is that the work still needs to get done and it takes time ... Guess I'll have to get an early start tomorrow to make up for it!

But I'd rather tell you about my good day! Which is really strange actually, because a lot of the things that happen won't sound good when I write about it and I still feel like I've had a great day! (Yup, it IS confusing, and I've had a very long weekend, so I might not be expressing myself in the best possible way ....)

We had Hebrew lectures this morning, at 8 as usual. Today I got to go through the very first sentence, that is, read, translate and analyze the words ... I was really happy to be asked in the first place, because I have been afraid our teacher might think I have an unfair advantage over the other students (as I've taken this before) and therefore wouldn't want to give me a question. Naturally, anxiety started when he asked me, that is more or less an automatic response, even though I might not really get that high anxiety levels, but I think I completed the sentence in a good way ... However, it turned out that I had made quite a huge error - in analyzing the verb. In all honesty, it was an easy mistake to make (sorry, don't have the energy to go into detail as that would require a basic explanation into Hebrew grammar), and I think the sentence was put in there to more or less make an example ... but the most extraordinary thing was that it didn't bother me!!! Our teacher is the kindest man ever, so he's really trying to make you feel okay, he won't get upset if you make mistakes, but had this been last year, I probably would have left class and not returned for weeks - and now, I could laugh about making this mistake!!!!! I can't believe it is possible I have found such strength in myself as a person, to take that ... it ... well, I guess that's another feeling that words simply can't describe!
Since this felt so good, I really hope I can become more active in this class, answering questions etc. because I think that would do me the world of good - wether I am right or wrong! *lol*

On Monday I'll be missing Hebrew lectures (*sob*) as they are colliding with my Old Testament lecture, but I was able to approach our teacher about it, ask what chapter I was supposed to prepare for Tuesday, and that's another thing I have gotten high anxiety levels about earlier, but now was more or less natural ... a little anxiety, yes sure, but nothing that resembles what I've felt earlier! If anybody has experience of this, you know it's usual to "grade" your anxiety on a scale 1-10, where 10 is as bad as you have to leave (and it almost always take an outright panic attac to make you leave a situation) ... It's difficult to say in retrospect where my anxiety levels were last year at this time, but I think that only sitting through a lecture (without reading, answering questions or anything like that) would have been somewhere between 7-8 ... today when I was asked to read, I'd say my levels rose to about 4 ... and talking to my teacher was mabye 2 or 3 ... that is really unbelievable to me!

When we finished our teacher said he'd go for coffee at a nearby Department (they have this great cafeteria where everything is supercheap!), and invited anyone who wanted to accompany him. I have only had one other teacher do that, but I think it's a wonderful gesture, and I was especially surprised - and glad - to hear this from this teacher, as it was quite unexpected. Me and four other students went, so we had a lovely coffee break for about 20 minutes. After that, my new-found StudyDate, Lena, and me stayed at Uni to prepare the Hebrew sentences for Monday ... it was rather difficult, but I still feel pretty confident about it - I seem to be able to figure out most of the time now, and that feels very good!

I wasn't home until about 2 (had to do some grocery shopping as well), and while my intentions were to keep busy at studies and cleaning, not much have been done tonight! I have split feelings about this - I know it's Friday night, and I know that I have to relax and do fun things at times as well - but I also know how much work I have to get through ... so it's hard not to feel guilty!

But I'm still completely enjoying this really GREAT day! I also had an "incident" before lectures this morning (another thing I don't want to go into detail here), with a situation that might have turned into something a bit 'nasty', but I managed to face up to it and deal with it in the best possible way I think - so I'm feeling really proud about that too!

I hope you all will have a wonderful weekend!
Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis, season 4
Currently listening to: The Misogynist Alphabet, Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: Massive studying, cleaning

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Glad It's Friday Soon!

While I'm still enjoying my new very hectic and intense life, I can't help but be happy about the weekend coming! Since we have lectures at 8 a.m. Tuesday-Friday, the early mornings tend to get to you toward the end of the week. I have a rather special, and lengthy, morning routine that I simply cannot give up, no matter what the reason, but with these early lectures that means I have to get up at about 4.30 ... which gets kind of tough after a while!

Today was a very intense day, so I have actually not studied that much this afternoon. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it, because I'm starting to realize - after having a lot of people telling me not to take on too much! - that I can't keep at it 24/7, I'll just get way to tired and end up doing nothing at all.

Hebrew lecture first today, 8-10. These lectures are very intense right now, we're going through a lot of grammar every day, today we covered about 90 verb-forms, and tomorrow we'll go through 60 more ... we go through everything very fast, so you really need to be on top and very awake and alert to really grasp it!
At 10 I had a lecture in Old Testament, where we mostly covered the Exile (587-539 B.C.) and the events and theological thoughts surrounding that. I enjoy the course a lot, and I learn a lot, but there are a few things about it that isn't quite perfect (sorry about being vague, I guess those of you who know me will pretty much figure out what I'm talking about, and I don't feel comfortable spelling it out in a public blog ...), and that makes these lectures a bit harder than they really should be.
We were finished at 12, and then I met Johanna for lunch! It was really great seeing her again, and it was wonderful to be able to sit down in peace and just talk for a while! Mostly we meet at the Department and there are meetings or lectures or appointments and you mostly only get to cover: "Hi, how are you?" before one of us has to go! We had a lovely lunch, thai-inspired, and I'm completely new to all that, so it was very exciting indeed!!

I got home at about 2, but was completely exhausted, so I actually managed to get about 1½ hours sleep - which was SOOOO nice! :) I have had a headache most of the night, not as bad as it could have been, I have been able to function, but annoying enough ... I have prepared the Hebrew sentences for tomorrow, but other than that, I haven't studied much. Still trying not to feel toooo guilty about it!
But like I said before, I need to wind down sometimes, and I have a pretty easy day tomorrow, and than it's two whole days off ... so I should be able to catch up then, at least I hope so.

I still can't believe I'm feeling the way I do though! I haven't had this much to do in at least ten years and I haven't felt this good ... ever, I think! I'm very tired of course, and I'm not always feeling completely on top of everything, but despite that, I feel GREAT!!! That's a very powerful feeling that I have never quite experienced before! I feel like I belong at Uni, I feel at home at the Department, I have really gotten into the Hebrew group, I talk to almost everyone in the group, today I answered a question in class (which more or less never happens!) ...
And perhaps most of all: I really enjoy what I do! If I ever had any doubts about continuing studies, or doubted my decision to keep at studying and continue to get a Masters-degree with post-graduate studies after that ... those doubts are completely gone now! I absorb every bit of information I can get and I find it SO exciting, SO interesting and SO entertaining! (Some people may - and do! - call me crazy, but I totally don't care!! *lol*) I can honestly say that when our Hebrew-professor runs through the formation of certain verb forms, how they have evolved and what their original form might have been, I find that completely fascinated! So I really feel I found my place and I feel like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be!

I know I'm rambling, and I really don't think I can explain how huge this feeling really is ... For oh-so many years I felt completely alienated from everything in my life, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Uni was worst of course, but the alienation applied for everything except my own apartment, be it I was on a bus or in a store or just walking down the street - I really felt like I was an outsider, an alien, somebody who didn't belong ... and now ... to be able to feel like I completely fit in and belong, to a large Department at a large University where I might be able to get the highest education possible in this country ... that is a feeling that far exceeds anything that could be put into words!

And with those, somewhat dramatic, words, I will leave you for tonight!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, possible study-date, grocery-shopping, studying, cleaning

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Keeping Busy!

Oh yeah, still keeping busy, and still feeling pretty good about it! *lol*
Hebrew lecture today at 8 a.m., study date (Hebrew again) between 10 and 12, and since then I've pretty much been studying at home ... got a little worried tonight though, because I think I've made some bad priorities today. I started on this little "Hebrew-project", which I thought was great, it just turned out to be not-so-little at all ... it kind of got bigger and bigger and bigger - I ended up working on it all day and I'm still not finished! *oops* I have definately learned a great deal from it, but I have this really strong feeling that I should have been reading up on a paper I'm supposed to do for the Old Testament-course ....
I have a pretty good day tomorrow though, I have Hebrew between 8 and 10, but nothing else, so I should be home by 11 ... which means I can hopefully complete my Hebrew project and get started on that paper!

I am certainly learning one thing this semester - and that is to never consider anything (regarding studies at least) to be finished. Previously I have wanted to complete things in order to be able to put them behind me - and that soooo won't work right now! :) Since I'm more or less taking three courses at the same time, I never feel "done" about anything!! I'm supposed to prepare Hebrew for each lecture (we have lectures every day) as well as retyping notes and study grammar, I'm supposed to read about 1300 pages for Old Testament-studies, as well as retyping notes, I'm suppoed to read 500 pages for another Old Testament Reading-course and for that course also tranlsate about 20 pages of Hebrew text ... So I'm never ever ever getting "done", that's for sure! :)

I'm still feeling good, although I'm starting to worry a little about the Old Testament exam, which is on February 21st, because that's not very far away now ... and Hebrew gets more and more intense, so it's going to be hard to prioritize for a while now ...

Okay, lots of "study-talk", I'm afraid you're gonna have to deal with that, because fact of the matter is, I don't do anything else these days!
I'll have to get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow, but I should at least be able to squeeze in another hour of intense study before stumbling into bed, so I guess I'd better get on with it! :)


My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Still going at it with The Bible
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture and other studies

Monday, 4 February 2008

7000 Visitors - Thank You So Much!

Wow, I could hardly belive my eyes when I saw my counter has well exceeded 7000 visitors - that's amazing!! I'm really so many people seem to read my blog! :) And thoughts, suggestions, complaints or ideas about the blog are very welcome, so just let me know through email or comments! :)

I am planning an early night tonight, as I'm totally exhausted! I don't really know why, because it hasn't been such a hard day today, but I'm feeling more dead than alive right now! I was up studying this morning, not as early as I would have wanted to, but I got in a few hours before getting ready to go to Uni. Not exactly according to plan right there, I ended up going on my Hebrew lecture, which in retrospect was really lucky! I definatley missed this particular lecture last year, and I was kind of confused by it this time as well ... but I'm at least very happy about going to the lecture. I was really tired afterwards, but me and a friend from the course, Lena, stayed to prepare the sentences for tomorrow ... It was quite a lot to get through, but I don't think I have ever laughed so much and so hard about Hebrew!! *lol* Took us about 1½ to finish the sentences (I think there were 12 to prepare), and then we went home. I had to do some grocery shopping when I got back and on the bus into town I met a girl I studied with last spring, and it was really nice talking to her and hearing about what she was up to! :)
With grocery shopping (in a totally crowded store!) and a delayed bus, I wasn't home until a while after six ... and since then I've been in a state of coma ... at least that's what it feels like. I should have studied at least a little tonight, but I've had a headache since about 4 p.m. this afternoon, so that was sort of out of the question. It's not one of the bad ones, but it's bad enough for me not to get started on some heavy project!

Can't say I'm looking forward to getting up before 5 tomorrow morning, but at least it'll be nice to go to bed early tonight!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture and LOTS of studying

Sunday, 3 February 2008

Another Week - Another Destiny

Wow, another week is about to begin! I can't believe how quickly the days seem to go now, and at the same time I feel like this semester has already been going on for at least six months! :) *yikes*

I do want to apologize for not writing here so often now! I want to, I really do, but I haven't yet quite figured out my routines, with this heavy Uni schedule! I still feel good and I really am enjoying myself, but as far as having a working routine for it: that's not happening! :) I'm currently studying every waking minute until I can't keep my eyes open and then I either sleep a while (depending on the time) or try to unwind by watching Stargate SG-1 - so my life isn't that exciting!! I'm hoping to come up with a plan for at least online activities, as I feel I have neglected that all around! I should make graphics, make digi-scraps, activate myself in Forums/Message Boards, comment on blogs, check up Facebook, work on my websites, update my blogs ... the list goes on and on and on ... I'm currently thinking like this: I really would like to go back to updating this blog every day! I like the way this blog has turned out, I enjoy writing it, and by the number of visitors I'd say at least some people are enjoying reading it. However, in saying this, I will make it clear that I will mostly just write about what's going on in my life here now ... since I'm on a tight schedule I won't have time for movie reviews or a lot of photos or graphics (unless something special happens of course) - but basically it'll be an update on my crazy life burried in the Bible! *lol*
Apart from that, I will try to take time during the weekends to catch up on everything else: forums, blog comments, facebook etc. Therefore - if I seem to have 'disappeared' during the week, I most likely haven't, I will just try to limit these longer computer sessions to weekends from now on ... Hope that works out for everyone ...

Otherwise I'm still feeling really content about the way things are. Far from everything is perfect, and I'm constantly behind on my courses, but I still have this really great powerful feeling about my whole situation right now! I know I will have to apply myself, probably more than I ever have before, but I am completely happy about doing that. More and more I feel I have REALLY found something I'm passionate about, something I enjoy, something I'm interested in, and frankly ... something I'm good at! I'm not a top notch student, and I'm not extremely intelligent, but I get VGs (the high-grade) every now and then, and now, having taken a lot of courses in the Old Testament, I can tell I'm really seeing connections and know what it's all about!! Refreshing Hebrew is also absolutely fantastic, we've gone through five chapters of the book we're starting with, and I can honestly say I completely and utterly know everything they cover. I know the words, I know the grammar, I can read it properly, analyze it properly and translate it properly! That is SUCH an amazing feeling!!!
I know I have fallen a bit too far behind on the other courses, that is the only thing that is not great, but looking at my upcoming schedule, it's not the worse-possible-scenario: I have lectures (don't have the energy to separate Old Testament and Hebrew now: Monday 1-3 with a Hebrew study date at 3, Tuesday 8-10, Wednesday 8-10, Thursday 8-12 (8-10, 10-12) and then I'm having lunch with Johanna - YAY!! - and Friday 8-10. There's only one day with double lectures, and most of the days I should be home at about 11 (if I'm not planning any more study-dates that is), and that should give me quite a few hours to work at catching up! I don't think I've ever wanted something to work out this much (unless counting of course getting back from sick-leave and stuff like that!), so I really hope I can cope!

Last week worked out pretty well too - one pretty bad thing happened on Wednesday, and typically it was the worse possible timing, but I managed not to get completely down, I was at it at 8 a.m. on Thursday morning again, and after a little pep-talk from Johanna I did feel a lot better! :)
I'm not saying my entire life is going to be perfect from now on, I know things will happen and I will not feel this great all the time, but I am so completely greatful for feeling like this right now, and I very much intend to make it last for as long as I possibly can!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible (yup, it'll take time to get through that one *lol*)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (starting up on season 3 soon!)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, Hebrew study-date, LOTS of studying