Wednesday, 18 June 2008

On Summer Vacation!

Hello Everyone!

Sorry about the lack of updates here recently, things have been very hectic indeed, and I haven't been feeling the very best.
I'm off north to the summerhouse today, and those of you who has followed my blog for a while now, know that I won't have computer-or-internet access during the summer. I can sometimes sneak computer time, but it will be extremely limited.
Therefore, don't expect updates on this blog, even though I will try to write something if I get the chance.

I'm expecting to be back home in the beginning of August, thereby also getting almost four weeks vacation at home as well, so I will definately be back with frequent updates then. (I will truly miss blogging during the summer, that's for sure - not to mention reading everybody else's blogs!)

I wish you all a very nice summer, take care of yourselfs and try to get some well-earned rest!
Best Wishes,
Jessica & Zorro

Monday, 16 June 2008

An 'All-Gone-Wrong' Day ... Almost!

Most of today has been seriously annoying ... as pretty much all I've done has gone completely wrong - in one way or another! It was kind of like that yesterday too, so now I'm totally hoping for a better day tomorrow! :) (though I have the strongest feeling there's nothing that says tomorrow will be better just because these two days hasn't worked out!)

I didn't get the cleaning done yesterday of course, though I had intended to finish, so I had a lot left for today. My friend Kajsa was coming around lunch, and my plan was to clean in the morning, jump on a train to Lund and get the last things at Uni done, and then catch the same train Kajsa was on ...

I was awakened by an insane Zorro at 5 a.m. and ifgured I might as well get up. Spent some time writing in my diary but started cleaning at about 6.30 ... And kept going and going and going ... and the more I did, the more I realized I had left.
I managed to get pretty much all of it done - I should have cleaned the windows, and mopped the floors, but I simply don't think I will find the time for it now.

I left home at 10 and was taking a train at 10.20, which was supposed to be in Lund at 10.37 ... the train Kajsa was on left at 11.22, so I figured I had plenty of time to get to the Department and fix things inbetween.
The train was a little late, but only five minutes or so, so I wasn't that worried. But as soon we had started, we slowed down again. Aparently there was a signal error, meaning at first we stood still forever, then we could go but at a seriously reduced speed (try 20 km/h or something), and stop at every single signal ...
I sent a message to Kajsa asking her to take the next train instead ... as we arrived in Lund at 11.25!!! Shock 2 The next train would leave at 11.51, so I rushed to the Department ... and then the problems continued!
The receptionists aren't always handling things smoothly, and it felt like it took forever before I could do what I had intended ... so then I had to rush back to the station to catch the train!

I met Kajsa and it was great to see her again!!! :) I don't know when we saw each other last, but it was a very looooong time ago, that's for sure! During her visit, things actually worked out - guess she was my luck of the day! :) She left around three, and since then I've actually managed to relax, done some stuff on the internet ... should start packing but don't really know if I'm up to it right now ...
I've done some digi-scrapping tonight, they're uploaded in the Cute Sisters! Picasa album! :) (if you want to see them, drop me a note and I'll see what I can do!)

Tomorrow will be a busy day as well, I'll be spending the morning packing, then I'm off to a couple of big malls up north, and after that I'm visiting Lena first for a few hours, before going to Sara and Martin, and his gorgeous little cat Pixel - whom I've never met!!! :) Looking forward to tomorrow actually, and hoping things will work better than today!

Today's Blog Dedication: A little late, I know, but the blog dedication goes to Lena for getting VG on the entire Hebrew-course (i.e. the entire semester!)!!!! Congratulations!!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: It, Stephen King
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: "Köppöbävisan", Bengt Pegefeld
My Plans for tomorrow: Packing, mall [window]shopping, meeting Lena & Tobias, meeting Sara & Martin & Pixel! :)

Sunday, 15 June 2008

Relaxing - Yeah, Right!

I did get a day and a half to relax after this semester, of which I am very greatful, but it certainly looks like that was it! :)

Yesterday was a very intense day - I got up at about 4 a.m. and took a bus at 6. I arrived in Gothenburg about 10, and walked around there for about an hour before my Dad called. He'd had some problems finding a decent parking space, there was some big deal going on at the big arena in town, Ullevi, and we usually park just oposite it. There were some discussions and walking here and there, but we finally figured out, the space he found was okay and I was going to find my way out of town! :) We had lunch together which was really nice, but I could helped but feel a little stressed and nervous about the drive. (I haven't driven at all since January 3rd, and now I would start in the 2nd biggest city in Sweden ...)
We said good-bye about 12.40 p.m (his train would leave at 1), and I walked a different way to the car, to check out more precisely how I would drive. And when I got to Ullevi (right before 1 o'clock) I found out that it would be "Moster Jam" there ... at 2!!!! The entire are was crowded to say the least ... most of them were 6-12 year-old-boys! *gulp* That didn't make me feel any better, but at least I knew exactly how to drive to get out.

And it turned out better than I had hoped, everything worked super-smoothly. I did end up behind a weird-acting towing truck, and at a trafic light some boys wasn't very quick to get over, so they were still in the middle of the street when my light turned green! I was obseravnt ('cause I was really nervous), but the guy in the car next to mine just set off, so that gave me a little scare (turned out okay though!)...

It's all highway from Gothenburg down here, but after a while I got totally sleepy. I had hoped not to take any breaks, but I could hardly keep my eyes open, so I had to find an exit. My Dad had kindly enough left a little coffee in the car, so gulped all of it down in about 2 second - and bought a coke (yay for caffeine!!), and then I was good to go again.

I came home about 3 p.m. and I was really tired. I should have gotten started with cleaning and such, but everything happened in slow motion and I didn't get much done.

Today is the big cleaning-day - though I'm having one of those days when everything you do turns out wrong! I totally have to finish today too, because Kajsa is coming over tomorrow so it'll have to be done by then! I'm really looking forward to meeting here, it's been ages now!!
I have managed to do some general cleaning, update my blogs, doing a bunch of laundry and some shopping - but I still have a lot left ... so I guess I'd better get on with it, right?! ;)

I've updated Cogito, Ergo Sum! today, and I have a few other entries in my head, I'm hoping to be able to write them tonight! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: It, Stephen King
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 7 0
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Fetching some papers at Uni, meeting Kasja, start packing

Friday, 13 June 2008

What The Future Hold!

Okay, an entry on what lies ahead! :)
I've been able to relax a lot, and while I wish I could have done a little more writing (blogs as well as regular diary!), I feel great about having had one and a half day of really relaxing!! It's been wonderful!!

On to the future then!
Tomorrow, I will catch an early bus (6 a.m.!!) to Gothenburg, where I'll meet my Dad, who's been driving there from the summer house. He will take the train back, and I will take his car. I'm hoping to get back in time to star a massive cleaning of my appartment, which will be more than neccessary! :)
Sunday will also be spent cleaning and doing laundry - and on Monday and Tuesday I will be running errands, meeting up with friends, packing etc, and I'm hoping to head north sometime during Wednesday (will probably be in the afternoon)!

After that not much is settled, but it looks like I'll be staying up there throughout July, and come back at the very beginning of August. That seems to be the best solution for this summer, and I will still get 3-4 weeks vacation here in August.
Unfortunately this means I will pretty much be out of computer-and-internet-access from June 18th to sometime in the beginning of August! Shock 2
I can try to get to my Mum's computer but it will be on a rare occasion, so don't expect any regular updates during the summer!
If you wish to be notified of when I'll be back at regular blogging - drop a comment or send an email to and I'll let you know! :)

For the first time in ages I did some scrapping tonight!!! I've uploaded two scraps in my Picasa album ... anyone who hasn't got the URL but wants to check it out, let me know, and I'll see what I can do! :)

Now I'm gonna try to relax watching Stargate SG-1 since I have an early morning tomorrow!
Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: It, Stephen King
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 1
Currently listening to: The ABC Café - Red and Black, Les Misérables Complete Symphonic Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Trip to Gothenburg, cleaning ... hopefully some more scrapping! :)

Spring Semester 2008: Summary

Okay, I will make an attempt to summarize the spring semester of 2008, which will not be easy! This has been by far the most intense semester, and it has also had massive implications on me as a person. I will make a more detailed summary in my Swedish blog, Cogito, Ergo Sum, where I will divide it into several thematic posts - so apologies to those of you who don't read Swedish! (I think Google has some translation thing, if you're really interested - I have found this blog in German and Dutch for instance ...)

What first and foremost comes to mind when I think about this semester, is the work load I've been taking on! I've taken two or three courses at the same time - and this is me, Jessica, who's had a hard enough time coping with one course at a time, and sometimes not even managed that! I know I was motivated beyond anything to do this, which of course was a big help, but I also think that learning quickly that it payed off, that I did well, I learned a lot and my life actually worked out this way, also made me keep at it! Because it's not only a matter of taking several courses, it's also a fact that I have been feeling and doing WELL ... and that in itself is an amazing feeling!!!

Leading me into the next thing that strikes me this semester ... my results! I know I kind of got into that in my last entry, so I won't be too detailed ... but in short my results have been waaaay beyond my expectations! I have taken two full-time courses and one 25% course - officially - this semester, and the 25% one got a G, all the rest was VG ... and one of them was on Advanced Level. And aside from that I was following two other courses, one stricly full-time (did all assignments and went to almost all the lectures) and I got an unofficial VG on that exam as well ... the other one was mostly follwing lectures ... I was at alomst all the lectures, but I didn't do the exam, read the litterature as such ... but still ... *big happy smile*

Moving on to a third aspect of this semester: The Social Arena! Which is another thing that seem to almost miraculously have fallen into place this semester!! I have still stayed in touch with Sara and Johanna, though not really intensly. We did take the Biblical Interpretation-course together, which helped of course, but I have also expanded my circuit of friends. Lena, whom I studied Hebrew with, has become a very good friend of mine, we've struggled through the mysterious world of Hebrew verb forms together, which really forms a bond between people! :) Brows
Also, in the social area, things have generally improved. Meaning I have been able to talk to a lot of people in my classes in a way that's been virtually impossible before! I can't - straight off at least - think of a reason for that, but I am beyond happy, and very greatful! I think I actually were able to say 'Hello' and keep up a general conversation with everyone in our Hebrew group ... which is ... beyond explaining actually! Naturally I got along better with some than others, but from a social perspective, it completely worked out with everyone!! Not quite the same in the other classes, Biblical Studies and Biblical Interpretation ... but not bad there either! In the first one, there was a reason things didn't start off really well ... but still, I'm so extremely happy about this ...
Also, I've gotten another "feel" for the Department, I'm completely at ease at the Library (which was a really big thing earlier, I could hardly set my foot in there!), I can sit there and study, I can ask questions etc. Also, I reacted to something regarding the new grading system that is "sort of" implemented now ... I thought I just didn't understand it properly, so I asked my student councellor - but she didn't know (and hadn't thought of it either!), so she referred me to the vice principal of the Deparment, and I also got talking to one of my professors, and it seemed they were actually going to adress this question at a teachers/academic personel conference! *yikes* :)

One last thing to go through now (hope I'm not boring you to death!), I could easily write a lot more, but I feel I need to keep it a bit short here - will be more detailed in the other blog (also, it's a little easier expressing what I feel in Swedish ...).
And this has to do with my views on studies and studying! I've always felt like I wanted to do University studies, and even though I haven't always been sure where I want my studies to lead, I've wanted to keep at it. But it's only this semester that I've really come to realize what studies are to me. Boring as this may sound; It's basically what I want to do with my life!!
I want to try to get into post-graduate studies later on, and am hoping for a career within the University world, teaching, doing research, writing articles and papers and maybe even books! And that means a different approach to studies, even on a fairly basic level!! I've really felt that getting a passing grade on an exam or a course is not enough for me! I need to do a good job first of all, I need to feel that what I had in (or my "performance" if it's an oral exam) is something I can stand for and am fairly pleased with! Naturally, you can't always live up to that, and somehow you always feel you could have done better, but an overall feeling of "This is okay, I can stand for this work!"
I have also realized - and pretty much implemented too - that studies is my life now ... and will be in the future too! Studies is not something you do to get it out-of-the-way! You don't rush through assigments to finish them so you can do something else ... studying, reading, writing or whatever it is, is what my life is supposed to be about now!! Naturally, you need to relax, do other things and get away from the books at times ... but just like working in a store means being there 8 hours a day, for me studying is a full-time job, and at least 8 hours a day should be with my books!
It's not quite so clear and clean-cut as that, of course, but the basics of it has really set itself in my head, and I do feel very good about it. Somehow, on some abstract level, I think it has given me a true feeling of purpose in life. I know what I want to do with my life, and this is a process in how to accomplish that ... and for someone who's - at least for the past 10 years (or close to it) - only tried to get through the next day, or the next week, or the next course ... that's an amazing feeling!!

Whoa, my entries tend to get WAY long now ... hope you're not too bored! :)
Keep a look-out in my Swedish blog for updates, and I will be back in this one as well!
Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: It, Stephen King
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 1
Currently listening to: Lovely Ladies, Les Misérables Complete Symphonic Recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Trip to Gothenburg to get my Dad's car ... cleaning!

Thursday, 12 June 2008

So This Is It!!

Not quite sure what to say or do right now - I can't really grasp that I'm here ... I've completed the last exam of the last course of this semester ... I just seem to stare out into thin air right now, not knowing how to feel or what to do! :)

To put you all to ease: I passed!! *happy now*
Though unfortunately it's not happiness straight up ... because even though I did pass (though no high grade: VG) I'm really not happy with my own performance! I had no idea how the exam would be done, and I couldn't really cope with the way it was done ... I missed a lot of things, I was totally nervous and freaked out and felt stressed like crazy - which made it all sooo much worse!

Okay, a little boring details, so you'll know what I'm talking about! :)
Part of the exam was about 20 pages of Hebrew text, and I was unsure of how to work with this. I did translate all of them, analyze all the words, and then retypted them all - and I felt okay with it. I knew I didn't know all the words, far from it, but on the basic course almost no effort is laid on words - it's all grammar. I think that for the last exam, after an entire semester's studies, students are excepted to have a vocabulary of about 60-70 words, or something like that - and I knew I knew far more than that.
And at the exam, all that happened was, I was given the text (2-5 verses at a time) and just told: "Translate!"
Shy Needless to say, I was totally stressed out, and if at first sight I didn't recall a word, I just froze up ... it felt really terrible!! Especially since I felt like I did know at least some of it - I knew it at home, but couldn't for the life of me think of it when I was there. There were also some questions on litterature - and I felt like I was talking completely out-of-the-blue regarding everything ...
All in all - I wanted to make a good impression, and I can safely say: I didn't!
Well, actually, let me modify that, with a though I was working on this morning, before heading off to Uni. I do want to make a good impression, absolutely! Earlier though, that has been the same thing as "knowing things". If I have been at Uni and people have noticed I have a lot of knowledge, I've made a good impression! And that may be true, but I think it's more to it than that - in the way that I actually can make a good impression on someone at Uni, even though I don't know everything I'm supposed to know ... just for being me, a fairly nice and friendly person. It will take some time getting used to that idea though! :)

I know, deep down I do know, that this is the professor's decision - if he think I did well enough to get a passing grade, I shall accept it with a great big smile on my face! :) (even though he's sooo kind, I can't imagine what you'd have to do to actually fail!) And I think I eventually will feel that way too - it's just that since this just recently happened, I have a hard time not looking at my performance and pretty much hating every single minute of it!

What actually was positive, was that when he said we were done, and I got a passing grade, I could talk a little about other things as well - I thanked him for the dinner-evening he arranged for the Hebrew-students last Monday, we talked about that ... we talked a little about post-graduate studies in the Old Testament, as I have hopes of reaching there eventually, and that felt really good ... not least because it was actually me who initiated that ... and I'm really terrible at initiating things! :)

Now I'm in for BIG TIME celebration!! In more ways than one!!

First of all for finishing this semester of course ... and doing it in the way I have! For the first half of the semester, I was officially taking a Biblical Studies course, and at the same time, I followed an Introductory Hebrew course (that I took last spring, but needed to do again, as I felt awful then!) - so I took two full-time courses at the same time. The second half of the semester, I followed - unofficially - the continuing Hebrew/interpretation course, and at the same time did an official Biblical Interpretation course and, also officially, a half-time reading course .... Now, I did slack off a bit on my unofficial course as there was no way possible I could cope otherwise, so I can't say that I studied 250% the last half, but mabye 200% in total ...
Just doing THAT, and making it work, is an effort for me, who's had problems following the regular official 100% courses before!

Another cause for celebration is actually having completed the courses. The Swedish University system is undergoing a lot of changes, but for now, I tend to think in the old system, where a semester was 20 points (was supposed to be 20 weeks of full-time studies). Previous semesters, ever since I got back from sick-leave, I have taken 10-16 points during the semester (I've left some behind me for a while, and caught up on others on re-exams some months later). And this semester, I have not only taken the expected 20 points, I've actually taken 25!!! (since the unofficial corses don't count - but the fact is I "unofficially" took the first exam there, and got the high grade, VG, on it!) Totally amazing!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out another cause for celebration!!!!! I logged onto my student's account, and saw that the Biblical Interpretation had been reported, and I had VG!!!!!!!! I put a lot of effort into the main paper we did, but this was the first course (along with the reading course) I took on Advanced Level, and even though there's always a hope, I hadn't really expected it!!!!!

Soooooo, officially and unofficially I have this semester taken three written exams, one oral exam and one "hand-in-a-lot-of-papers"-exam ... I got G (the regular passing grade) on the oral exam, and VG on ALL the others, meaning out of 35 points I have had VG on 30!!! (though some are unofficial and won't count)
That's really something!!

Wow, this turned out into a looooong entry, way longer than I had inteded ....
I hope I will have the time and most of all energy, to keep writing about other stuff, either today or tomorrow!
Also, don't only check here, but keep an eye on my Swedish blog as well, as I'm hoping to make a number of posts there too.
And the picture blog is as usual updated once a day! :)

Today's Blog Dedication: Though it does feel a bit weird, I'm actually dedicating this blog to myself - for completing this semester in the way I did! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: RELAXING!!!!!! (and maybe cleaning! *lol*)

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Final Try!

Okay, this will be a rather strange entry ... but I am feeling very strange!
Today has been good, mostly ... but also bad, and now I'm stuck with accute exhaustion - and a really severe headache! And I have SOOOOOOOOOOOO much I HAVE to do today before my big exam tomorrow!
I'm mostly feeling super-confused and super-stressed out and super-freaked just terrible right now - despite some good happenings today ... but in order for anyone to at least start to understand what I'm going on about, I will try to tell you a little about what's been happening so far today ... and from there moving on to what has to happen this afternoon in order for tomorrow to work.

I was up at about 3.30 a.m. this morning, and felt pretty okay ... I had gotten to bed "early" and slept for about 4 hours (which is more than I have for a number of days now). I finished off reviewing the article up for discussion and also managed to get some Hebrew studies done, before I left at 8 o'clock.

I met my professor at 9, and while I hadn't been very nervous before, upon reaching the Department my anxiety levels were more than up! I do know how to reason with myself, and I actually talk to myself - or rather talk at myself, which does help! I can really listen to my own voice-of-reason these days in a way I couldn't before (well, I have been able to for the past 1-2 years or so), and that does help. Also, not so much feeling the anxiety in my head anymore - with difficult thoughts - I'm actually only feeling it physically, which is a bit strange. I can in my head be completely convinced that this is okay, I can do this and it will work out - all the while my heart is racing, my arms and legs starts going numb, I'm shaking and sweating ... very weird ...

Anyway, the 'discussion' we had went okay, though sometimes I found it a little bit difficult to understand what he was actually saying, so I think I sometimes answered and talked about something he really didn't ask about! *ooops* Still, and he made that clear, this was just a formality, so my grade wasn't hanging in the balance or anything!
We also got talking about the most recent course, he'd handed in all our assignments now, but aparently the results aren't reported yet. Still, if I had failed, or needed to complement something, I'm sure he would have told me! So, even though I don't know my grade, I'm fairly certain I passed!! *YAY!*
I was done at about 9.20, but the library doesn't open until 10 during summer, so I had to wait. I tried studying, but had a great difficulty concentrating, as I was in my mind going over what had happened before - as I always do! I can't help myself, but I go back and analyze everything in detail ... which doesn't do much good when you're trying to learn as much as possible about different hymn-theologies! :)

At 10 I made my way to the library, I had to get a book I knew they had, but didn't know where. So, I managed to find one of the staff and ask them. I wasn't completely at ease, but this was something that I regarding as a major issue just in the beginning of this semester - and I'm constantly reminded of what's been happning this past few months! It's quite amazing!!
There were only temps working in the library, and none of them knew where to find this book!! Luckily not a lot of people around, so me and these two men were running around the entire library trying to locate this book! We finally managed and I quickly realized that the article I was supposed to read was in Norweigan!! Now it is similar to Swedish, I know that - but I have such a hard time reading it! I can easily understand it spoken, but reading it is an entirely different story ... I managed to get through it - but I'm not sure if I really understood what it was about!

I was home at about 12, had the beginning of a headache, so I had lunch and debated wether or not I should try for a power nap, or lots and lots of coffee! The nap won, but aparently that was the wrong decision, because after 45 minutes, I woke up with a throbbing headache - and I soooo can't take the time for that now!!
Quickly put on a fresh pot of coffee, I've mixed two different headache pills, drank a whole mug of coffee, located the last three caffeine pills in the jar, and have drank a little over ½ liter of water ... still headache!!

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!

Sorry ...
It's just that I need to copy another 15 Bible verses, read about 100 pages of English litterature, start review Hebrew verbs, and go back and check out all the litterature (which is about 650 pages!) ... until tomorrow!!!
HOW?!?!?!??! HOW?!?!?! HOW!?!?!?!?
I know I can't move mountains, and fact of the matter is, this timing - with the discussion today - was totally off! It felt like a major climax going through that - when in fact my real climax is tomorrow ... and now everything just feels off and wrong! But I do WANT to pass this exam, and make it work in a nice way! I'm already completely freaked out over it ... (also not helping that I desperately want to make a good impression on this professor, hence adding to the pressure and anxiety), and if I can't study now, how in the world am I going to cope!??

Okay, sorry, I won't keep on with this - it just felt good getting all this out, and for some reason I didn't feel like writing in my regular diary!
Seriously wondering if I can cope with another headache pill now ... At the moment it feels like I don't care if I drop dead - because I'm no good like this anyway ...

I will try to start writing summary-entries both in this blog and in my Swedish blog Cogito, Ergo Sum, tomorrow ... as I think I will need a few entries to cover everything that's going on!

Please send some positive thoughts this way - this afternoon so the headache might go away and I'll get some studies done - and tomorrow morning for the exam!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament (Walter Brueggemann) & Det sårbara livet (Fredrik Lindström)
Currently watching: Angel, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Exam and SUMMER-VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

An Addict Living In A Bottle!

You think the title sound weird? That's nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now!
But the title did have a purpose, so I'll do my best in explaining it! :)

First of all - I'm an addict! I kind of knew before, started realizing it yesterday and it was totally confirmed today. Now, not to fret ... it's not drugs! Or alcohol! You have one guess left!
That's right: COFFEE!
I don't drink much, actually, so I'll give myself credit for that! Even now in total-full-extreme-study-mode I generally don't drink more than two or three cups a day, which I think is fairly okay! The addiction part comes in the morning .... Blushy 4
I wake up, pretty much all the time, feeling soooo grumpy and angry and generally pissed off at everything, my life is hopeless and everything is terrible. Give me two mouthfuls of coffee, and there I am feeling the world might not be such a bad place after all, and I should start doing what I am supposed to be doing!
I don't think it's that bad considering I don't drink way to much (although I know I should learn to eat something before that coffee .... ), but it's kind of scary to see the radical change in my mood!

Over to the other part of the title: Me Living In A Bottle!
I really feel like I do! I'm not going out, I'm hardly answering my phone, my apartment is probably the most horrid looking place in southern Sweden right now, because I never can get away from studying for a long enough time to clean it up ... It feels weird! It really does feel like I'm living in some Old Testament/Hebrew bubble that I can't get out of! Now I know this is the last few days of this entire semester, and I'm actually not feeling way too down (just had my coffee, so now I'm civil again! Brows) - but it does feel strange! I know it will change after Thursday, so it's not the end of the world!

One thing that does not feel so good though, is what happens after Thursday! Well, I guess it is good, but in a way it's not! (Okay, if you expect me to be all rational and not at all confusing right now - you're expecting way to much of me!!)
I have my last exam on Thursday and I've set aside Thursday and Friday for my own days! I need to relax after all this, but first and foremost I need to summarize and deal with this semester, because it has been ... probably the most eventful and developing months of my life - and I need to deal with that properly!
On Saturday I'll head up to Gothenburg, my Dad will meet me there, and I take his car (he takes the train back), so I have a car here for my trip to the summerhouse.
Saturday afternoon and Sunday will be CLEANING DAYS! It feels like I should rip the paint off the walls in order to get it properly cleaned ... but I guess I'll settle with the usual stuff! :)
Then, sometime during next week - not too late, say Wednesday or Thursday (might be Thursday ...) I will head up north, and for now it looks like I'll be staying threre throughout July, but come home for good at the beginning of August. I rather like that solution, I won't be going back and forth, and if I can get back here in the beginning of August, I'll have about three weeks vacation at home before Uni starts again.
The problem part with this solution is that I will hardly get to see any of my friends before August!!! I've been Miss Completely Boring this semester, and especially now, since I've studied so much. Late May and June has been the worse because everybody has finished their studies and are hanging out and celebrating, and all I'm doing in translating Hebrew hymns ... *sigh* I do really really really hope I can fit in as many friends as possible in the beginning of next week - even if it will be nothing big, but I hope I can spend at least a few hours with some of them before I disappear! I guess I should start emailing and see how many I can fit in in a day, right?! *lol* (Anybody reading this and wants to squeeze in some time in the beginning of next week (might work Sunday too, if we're not at my place! *lol*), feel free to let me know!)

Okay, now I've been sitting here for almost 15 minutes and longer breaks than that are not allowed. Back to Hymn 77 now, before next break! :)
Take care, guys!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Brueggemann
Currently watching: Angel season 1 - if I ever turn on the TV
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Well DUH! Studies - also meeting a professor for some 'mini-exam-thing'.

Sunday, 8 June 2008


Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light
And listen to the music of the night
('Music of the Night', Phantom of the Opera)

The lyrics seemed appropriate since I have desperately tried to turn day-and-night around now, in order to hopefully survive my exams next week. The heat has lasted very long now, and I'm getting totally fed up with it!! I don't usually like the heat, and being under the pressure of heaving studying and a really really important exam, didn't make it any easier!
However, not so simple to turn the day around ... I could do that a lot easier when I was younger. However, I did try to study until about midnight (though it was soooo hot inside, it was hardly possible to concentrate. I had intended to sleep on my couch with the balcony door open - which wasn't possible since Zorro was completely insane! I gets crazy sometimes during the day too, but if it's open at night, he gets completely insane!
["Lose it…it meant go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of one’s faculties, three fires short of a happy meal…WACKO!"] (quote from Stargate SG-1, "Window of Opportunity" ... very funny episode! Lol)

So - forgive my little outburst - I had to close, but at least managed to get up at 4.30, at which time we only had about 16 degrees outside (still had about 27 or more inside though) [click here for a Celcius-Farenheit Convertor]. I opened up and has managed to study for almost 3 hours this morning - now I had to take a nap - and now I'm sitting here trying to wake up, while Zorro has one of his insano-attacks! I really do hope I can turn the day around now, becuase I won't have to be anywhere until Wednesday morning ... so hopefully I can get a lot of studying done at night, when I at least will be able to breathe ....

Now I'm starting to feel guilty about not studying, so I'd better get back to it!
Take care! And wish me luck!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow:??? (studies .... )

Friday, 6 June 2008

Way Too Hot!

I've really suffered from the heat today, I don't know if it's just me, or if it's really been the worse day yet - but I've felt awful!!!
I don't like the heat on a normal day, and now I have to study and stay focused all the time, it's just horrible! Also, I had to keep my balcony door closed all morning, as Zorro made me look like a complete idiot in fron of all my neighbours first thing I got up ... thank you very much! Rolling Eyes

I have gotten a bit of studying done, but not as much as I had hoped - it doesn't matter wether I sit with the books or not, because my concentration levels are way down! Very annoying, since I really am truly motivated - despite the fact that I'm tired and it's been a very long and intese semester - but I can't seem to get stuff done in this heat no matter how motivated I am!

Okay, enough complaining - sorry guys! I can't change the weather, no matter how much I want to - so I'm just gonna have to do the best I can! They have promised lower temperatures from Monday, so I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for that!

Not much else to blog about, since my days now are mostly Bible, Bible and oh yeah, the Bible!

Today's Blog Dedication: To my Grandmother (on my Dad's side), who passed away almost 13 years ago. Today would have been her 97th birthday!!

This is my favourite photo of me and my Grandmother. I was unsure of when it was taken, but luckily there was a date on the back, it was taken in August 1983.

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies - and running errands

Thursday, 5 June 2008

Okay Mood-Wise ...

I am actually in a pretty good mood, despite the fact that this day hasn't gone according to plan.
I'm sleeping very poorly now, I blame it on the heat ... even though I try to keep the balcony door open as late as I can, I still never ever get under 27 degrees (about 81 F), and the sun starts shining into my bedroom at about 3.30 in the morning ... yay ... not!
My morning was more or less 'not' ... I was completely out-of-it, so I ended up staying home instead of studying at Uni.

I did get a fair bit of studying done, but the annoying part is that everything is taking FOREVER to finish, which makes me feel totally stressed out. I also tend to be very up-and-down when I'm translating Hebrew - when I can't work it out I get super-frustrated and totally upset, and when I do work it out, I'm thrilled beyond the telling of it. No regular levels here! ;)

This afternoon I was running some errands, among other things I was going to a newly opened store a bit north of town ... and it ended up a bummer. We've gotten so many great offers from there, but once I got there, it was completely invaded (and they have been opened for about a week now!), and I couldn't find anything ... so that was an unneccessary outing.

Now I'm home, and hoping the weather will cool off a bit tonight, so I can get a few hours more studying done! Seriously starting to feel freaked out about this exam rigth now, so I'd better just forget about everything (well almost, I have some stuff I will not forget about) and just STUDY like an idiot for five days and hope for the best!

Today's Blog Dedication:
Not so much a blog dedication as sending my thoughts and love to a friend who's recieved some really bad news today! I'll always be here for you!! *hugs*

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES!

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Mood: Improved!

My mood has been better today ... though I guess it hardly could get any worse than yesterday! :)
I got up in decent time this morning, and while it's still very hot, I've managed to keep my indoor temperature around 28 degrees - which is better than 30-32, right?! *a little ironic smile*

I arrived at Uni at about a quarter to ten, and was soon deeply involved in translating hymns. Time practically flew by, which I guess is both good and bad. Good in the sense that I didn't feel it was very boring at all - and bad in the sense that everything took forever ... and I don't really have 'forever' to prepare ...

My Hebrew group took their final exam today, and I was keeping my fingers crossed for them, and hoping it wouldn't be a totally horrible exam. Lena had promised to let me know when she finished, and she showed up after a while. She wasn't thrilled - but I still have a very strong feeling she's done really well! :)
A couple of other students showed up as the hours passed, and I still can stop and just be amazed at how well my social situation is going now ... I'm talking to people, and people - other students - are actually stopping to talk to me!! Something that was virtually impossible - and I really, really mean that!! - some two years ago! I will definately have to take some time to reflect on this entire semester after my exam is done ... both here - and I know my Swedish blog will be getting several entries on what's been going on the last few months ... and I'm also planning on setting aside something like 8-10 hours for writing in my regular diary! :)

Anyway, I stayed at Uni studying until about 2.30 ... I was completely exhausted and felt a little down as I hadn't gotten as much done as I'd hoped! When I left I noticed the library will go on 'summer opening hours' from next week, meaning they will only be open 10-2 ... what a rip-off!! Not much point in going to Uni then, I guess ... have to study at home instead ...

I went down to Malmö to meet a good friend - but it turned into a great mix-up ... we met eventually and had a lovely chat ...
I was hardly able to get home though, aparently there had been a fire in a train-set during the afternoon so there were some heavy dealys and I wasn't home until 7 p.m. For some unknown reason, Zorro has been totally calm and quiet tonight - I don't get it!?!? Not that I'm complaining, definately not, I'm just very surprised!
So to honor this, som pictures of my little darling:

I'm planning the last full-day at Uni tomorrow, so I'm gonna try to get to bed soon ... unfortunately - despite the balcony door has been open since I got home - my bedroom feels like a tropical island (minus the beach, the ocean and the lovely drinks!!), so I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to sleep much ....

Today's Blog Dedication: To the Hebrew group I've been studying with this semester, for completing their final exam! *YAY* I really hope you all did very well!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Standing, Once More With Feeling (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
My Plans for tomorrow: Full-study-day at Uni, shopping at a newly-opened store a bit north of town.

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Stupid Superficial Problems!

I've had a really terrible day today, and while I realize that it's all small stupid superficial problems that shouldn't bother nobody at all - my mood has gone downhill from minute one ....
So here's me using my right as the owner of this blog to whine about unimportant problems: Thank You! (you have been warned! Pissed)

We're going through a major heat wave here - and I hate it!! I know there are lots and lots of places in the world with far greater temperatures, and all I can say is I admire people who can live there and not go completely insane. I've had over 30 degrees (~86 F) inside today, and I can't stand it!!! I'm sitting in my couch staring out into nothing and not moving a muscle - except the occasional blink, which, for the record, I cannot control! - and I'm sweating like a big, fat pig!! Also, experiencing some serious breathing difficulties today - not fun!!

I know I have to study 24/7 now, if I'm going to get through these last few days, but this morning I simply HAD to spent going over yesterday and everything connected to that - including diary, photos, blogging etc.
And after that it was lunch time and the heat had really set. And there's not a chance in HELL (haha, very funny, I feel like I'm there already!!) I'm sitting translating Hebrew verb forms when I can't even breath! But God only knows how this will end!
More than anything, after last night's lovely celebration, I want to do well on my oral exam - but I'm not sure how I'm gonna manage that if I can't even study!!

Also some annoying personal stuff has come up - and things turned into a great big mess when my Dad and I tried to work out how to shift cars, and book tickets and it was just ... something SO simple - one train ticket, one bus ticket, that's it - use the cheapest option that works in time - turned into something extremely complicated ... which didn't help my breathing abilities, nor the heat-induced headache I've been having for company all day ....

I still feel terrible about having such a disagreement with Zorro last night, and yet I can't help but feel so annoyed with him I could just go on screaming on top of my lungs for hours and hours and hours .... which is pretty much all he's doing these days ... I really wander what our neighbours thinks about us ....

Okay, this is me officially complaining like an idiot about unimportant stupid little problems! Deal with it - I am!
And keep your fingers crossed I'll have a better day tomorrow!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing - it's too hot!
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies at Uni, supporting my fellow Hebrew students who take their final exam, meeting a friend in Malmö

A Very Intense Day!

Yesterday was very intense - I had hoped to be able to write a proper blog entry when I got home yesterday, but there was no way ... (not only due to the intensity, but also because of extreme heat, severe headache and an insane cat). I should have studied since something like 4 a.m. this morning - but I have spent most of the time in my diary (won't go into it all here, but there were some personal stuff going on yesterday as well)!

And here I am trying to blog as well! :)

I arrived at Uni at about half past ten yesterday morning, and I did manage to get some translatino done - at least I feel I'm more efficient sitting there studying than here, so I guess I'm gonna have to take the 9-5 days at Uni that I can now.
Around lunch, Sara came by, she'd just finished the very last moment on her very last essay on her very last course at the Theology Depratment - and she got the high grade, VG! CONGRATULATIONS, Sara!!! :) It was really GREAT seeing her, and I hope we can find a time to celebrate when my semester is over too!!

We had the very last lecture at 1.15 - not just the last lecture on the course or during the semester, it was actually the very last teaching lecture this professor will ever have, as he will be retiring in October. And that felt rather special! Also, just before we started, there was some commotion by the door, and in walked the head of the Faculty along with another Old Testament/Hebrew teacher and a few of the academic staff ... they did a little speach and handed over champagne and flowers ... sooo nice! :D It was actually a really nice moment, and I'm very happy to have been a part of it!!
The lecture flew by without me hardly noticing it, and then we had about three hour to kill before our little 'get-together' at 6. Lena and I was supposed to study ... yeah right! Rolling Eyes We ended up doing way more talking then studying! :)
When the clock started heading toward 6, I started getting some major anxiety (had experienced a little before as well) - but the weird thing was ... well, first of all, the anxiety in itself didn't bother me so much, and I think that was because the second weird thing, namely that I realized I hadn't experienced this kind of anxiety in months!! That is almost an indescribable feeling for me, and it means sooo much!! Truly amazing!!
When we were supposed to meet the other students, we met up with our professor, and then there was a great big mix-up with where we were supposed to be, and how to get there (within the building, but it was still very complicated!) and we nearly ended up getting locked out in a staircase! *lol*

Finally everybody ended up in the right place, and we got to meet the professor's wife, a very nice lady indeed!! They had ordered catering, so a large table full of yummy food awaited us - very nice indeed!! After a while, me and two other girls slipped out to get the present ready ... we bought everything last week, and they had put a lovely looking basket together during the weekend. They had thought of a few words to say, but I soooo wasn't ready for that and felt I really wouldn't cope!! The anxiety that I had dealt with earlier crept up a number of steps!! But instead we decided they would say a few words first, and instead I would be the one handing the basket over. I do NOT like to be in the center like that, but that still felt okay ... somehow ...
And so we did! :) It was a great moment, being able to give him that gift, and we also had a lovely time when we tried to force him to read the card - where we all had struggled hard to write our own name in Hebew lettering! *LOL* For some reason he wouldn't read it all out loud, but he was sure he would "decrypt" it all later! :)

We had a really lovely time, me and Lena left at about 8 - and then there was a great big mess with the trains, so we couldn't leave town before 9.20 (!!) ... so I guess we could have stayed longer ... but we had a really great time at the train station, talking serious stuff and laughing our heads off - more or less at the same time! :) (Despite the fact that an extraordinary amount of fraight trains decided to come along and interrupt us every 3 minutes or so!)
I really have to say I feel very lucky and very greatful for having found my 'place in life', more or less, I keep finding people I get along with, people I can trust, people I can talk to and people I can be open towards! I've never felt that before now ("now", read the last 1-1½ years!), and that is a fantastic feeling!

When I got home, the built-up anxiety along with extreme exhaustion and extreme heat, made me kind of loose it! I felt I HAD to open the balcony door (I had nearly 30 degrees inside!!), but of course Zorro went completely insane, and I became more or less insane too ... and then of course felt horrible about it and burst out in tears!
This ended up with me having to close the door - meaning I had to try to sleep in 30 degree-heat - it did not go well!

That along with the entire day yesterday - and some personal issues that had to be dealt with in my diary - has meant that studies will be done this afternoon and there will be no studying at Uni today .... I feel a bit bad about it, but I still know deep inside that if I hadn't gotten all this out, I wouldn't have been able to focus on studies anyway!

Loooong entry ... just one more thing before I sign off. I (and Lena helped!) managed to take a few pictures yesterday, and I also got some in the mail from Johanna - and I've uploaded them to a Picasa Webalbum. I didn't want to publish them here, in a public blog, without permission from everyone, but if you feel you want to see them, please let me know and send me your email address - and I will send you the link. That way the pictures won't circulate the internet .... You can either contact me by leaving a comment here, or send me an email (my 'official' online email address is:

Today's Blog Dedication:
I have double blog dedications now actually - and they are really for yesterday, but I hope that's okay anyway:
  • Sara - for finishing her studies in such a remarkable way! Congratulations!!!!!
  • Professor Sten Hidal, for completing his last teaching lecture, after 40 years (or 33, depending on how you count, right?!) of teaching. Good Luck with future projects!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 4
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: ---

Sunday, 1 June 2008

Studies, Studies And More Studies!

Sorry about the totally boring title, but it does feel accurate oday ...
I did get a rather late start, due to some terrible dreams just before I woke up - but since then I've been fairly disciplined, and got some translations done, as well as finished one of the books I'm supposed to read ... so I guess that's a good thing.

I'm feeling very split now, I'm really sick and tired of constantly stressing and never feeling that you do enough, so I totally wish this semester would be over SOON - but on the other hand, I really need more time to prepare properly, if I'm going to finish this semester in a satisfactory way ... very confusing indeed!

Tomorrow will be a very long day for me - so I fele a little bad for Zorro ...
I will head into town tomorrow morning, hopefully I'll at the Department when the Library opens, so I can maximize my studies there!
We have the last Old Testament lecture ever (*a little sentimental now*) 1-3 p.m. and then we're off for a 1½-2 hour break before our little 'get-together'. I'm very much looking forward it, I think it was a very generous offer of our professor - and we've got a little something for him too! :) It will feel strange knowing he won't teach again, and a great loss for the Department, but still nice to have a proper good-bye ... though I'm going to take my oral exam for the same professor on June 12th, so I guess it's not really a good-bye for me!

I don't know when I'm coming home tomorrow night, but hopefully I've been fairly disciplined during the day, and gotten quite a lot of work done!

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Actually between books!!
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 4
Currently listening to: Donnez, donnez - Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, OT lecture, 'party'!!