Monday, 29 September 2008

Chaos And Grumpy!

This morning was a bit chaotic, and didn't at all turn out the way I had planned or hoped! *sigh* I didn't get to Uni at all (sorry, am not in an explaining mood tonight), and that was cause for grumpiness. Then things just turned out really "weird" ... I was going to do things and then I changed my mind and then I kind of ended up doing them anyway and ... : "weird" ...

What is most worrying is how non-efficient I am right now though - because that really has me worried!! I am completely exhausted every minute of the day - which isn't much fun! At any given time, if I lay down, I think I'd fall asleep within 30 seconds! And that makes it very hard to focus and concentrate ...
But I can't tolerate that either! I have been lacking in studies for so long now, it won't work if I don't give it all I have and more than that!!!!!!! *upset* I'm mostly keeping up with my Greek studies, not completely, but I feel like I'm pretty up to speed, and even though you can always learn more grammar, I think it's working out.
I am however, super-worried about my essay - because it seems just hopeless. I don't know what I'm doing, what I should be doing, what I haven't done and what should come of it ... and that stresses me out completely! *sigh*
Since I missed lectures today, I don't know how far along we are exactly, but I hope we can keep doing this chapter for at least tomorrow, so we won't go through any new stuff then, beacause that would MAYBE give me SOME time to get started on my essay! At this point, it's basically reading a LOT of books to get an idea of how to go about it, what to focus on etc, but reading takes time - you can't plough through 2000 pages in a few hours ... *sigh - again*

Sorry, I won't go on and on ... This does have me worried, but I know the only thing that can ever change it is if I get my act together and start really studying! Period!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Diamonds are forever, Ian Fleming
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Terrible Tuesday Two: lectures 8-10, mentor meeting 10-11, open lecture 11.15, optional essay-lecture 4-6, studies ...

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Back Again?

I have been feeling a lot better today than in a long time, which has been great!
I actually started feeling better yesterday, but for some reason, I didn't get anything done, and that annoyed me a great deal - so even if my health was better, my mood was rather foul. Today both of them are better! :)

I got some cleaning done this morning - and some Greek sentences! At noon I met Lena, we went to a ... I guess the best translation I can think of is "second-hand store", but they had some pretty fantastic things there - huge furniture, really old stuff (felt almost like being in a museum), old records and everything you can think of. They had a lot pianos there, and I really miss mine ... *sigh* I know I can't keep it here, there would be no way I'd be able to play anyway - but I really miss it ...
We went back here and had a chat and some coffee - and some Zorro-cuddling-time of course! :) I had a great time, and I'm noticing more and more how much I enjoy "talking theology"! *lol* I have known for quite some time that I have a genuine interest in the subject, but it becomes so much more evident when you discuss it. We have taken at least some of the same courses, and have the same general knowledge about things, which makes it very easy to discuss and check out different angles and ideas!

When Lena went home to study for her exam (Good Luck in Advance!!), I realized I had neglected shopping for a while, so I had to make an emergency-outing to the grocery store. Did manage to study some Greek grammar on the way though!
Had dinner when I got home, and have since tried to prepare sentences for tomorrow! While I can make the sentences work - I hope! - I have been very very tired tonight, so I haven't gotten as much done as I had hoped. Still, we have lectures at 10 tomorrow, so I'm hoping to get a few hours in tomorrow morning as well ...

The beginning of next week will be pretty intense for me. Tomorrow we have lectures 10-12 and at 3 there is a major educational information-meeting with our student councellor, and I have to (and want to!) attend ... since the Swedish University system has undergone some major changes to adapt to the European University system, things have turned out complicated to say the least! I have no idea how long this information will last, but at least I know I won't be home until rather late. (In between 12 and 3 I have to work seriously on my essay ... which I have neglected far too much!)
Tuesday is even worse ... yet another "Terrible Tuesday" I suppose! Greek lectures 8-10, then a mentor meeting 10-11. At 11.15 there's a lecture from the Bishop, on Theology and Science in the Postmodern Era (or something to that affect), and I'd really love to go to it. I've never gone to lectures such as that before, so I'm a little nervous ... but than again, if they advertise it at the Departmet, it has to be open for everyone, right?! :)
Then I have to continue working on my essay in the library, and 4-6 I have the optional essay-writing course - meaning I won't be home until 7.30 ... *yikes*
And after that there are Greek lectures 8-10 Wednesday, Thursday and Friday ...

I know it's only 8 p.m. but I'm gonna try to wind down and get to bed really early - I'm sooooo tired, there's really no point in trying to get anything more done tonight!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Today's Blog Dedication: To Storsmulan, who's had a rotten day today! Hang in there!! *hugs*

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Diamonds are Forever, Ian Fleming
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, information meeting, essay work, studies (see above)

Friday, 26 September 2008

Oh, What A Long Day!

Wow, it feels like this day has gone on forever!
I woke up with a headache - again!! It's lasted for a whole week now, and it's really starting to get on my nerves!!! Anyway, I knew we had a pretty important lecture today, with both the Friday-Test and a run-through of some major grammar, so staying in bed wasn't really an option. Though I tried every means possible to get rid of the headache, I didn't succeed, and by the time I got to Uni, it had started getting worse.
Apart from the headache, lectures worked out really well. We didn't have to take the Friday-test, our teacher is writing a book, and has passed his due-date, so he's quite busy doing that, instead of coming up with tests for us! I guess it was good in a way, but I still like to take these tests, as they give you a very good picture of what you actually know and what you have to work harder with ...
We went through some new grammar and overall, I think it worked out really well. I could participate in discussions, both during the break and after the lecture, and both included our teacher, which I think is a good thing for me. Since I really want to continue within this Department, I think that establishing myself there, both with the student but also with the teachers, is a good thing.

I was supposed have stayed in the library working on my essay, but my headache was really nasty after two hours of Greek grammar, so I went home. I had intended to go shopping, I have put it off for a while now as it's a bit out of my way, but the trains were late, so I missed my connecting bus.
Instead I went home and tried to get some sleep. I slept for almost three hours (!!), and the head felt a little bit better when I woke up - but I was still extremely tired, so I didn't get much done at all! *hate it when that happens* The headache came back during the afternoon, and even though I've tried studying, I don't think I've learned anything! *frustrating and annoying*

I'm starting to get very upset about this headache now, because I can't seem to function properly with it, and yet I hate having to postpone everything in my life because of it, because it's a hard fact of life that eventually I will have postponed so much, I won't be able to catch up ... and that bothers me a lot!
So much in my life is going really really well now - and for that I am utterly greatful - but the headache thing is getting quite uncomfortable now ... Guess all I can do is go to bed and hope for the best, right?! :)

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Licence To Kill, John Gardner
Currently watching: Family Guy
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Errands, cleaning, maybe laundry, studies

Thursday, 25 September 2008

A Strange Day ... And A Tech Question!

Well, let's start with the boring part - the "tech question" ...
While I know my way around a TV/video/dvd and a computer, I don't know much about "techonology" in general ... and I have sort of a problem.
I have a few old casette tapes, you know, the old kind that you were using when the people my age were about 10 years old (*lol*), and they are starting to get worn out. I'd really LOVE to be able to preserve them, they have some sentimental value to me ... so I would LOVE to get them on a CD. Which kind of ties me into my next tech-question! *lol* Part one is, of course, how do you get a casette into a CD?! *lol*
I kind of had a home-made answer to that, in that I though I could use a microphone plugged into my computer, and more or less record the sound from the casette player onto my computer, and then burn it onto a CD ... well, newsflash, that didn't work. Because aparently I am incapable of plugging in a microphone to my computer!!! Which feels a bit strange ... I have tried plugging a "regular" microphone into pretty much everything that will work, no luck! Anybody have any suggestions?!?!? I feel like an idiot, but I would like to make this work!
So, to summarize - this tech question is parted in two:
Part One: how do you, in the simplest way, get a casette tape onto a CD?
Part Two: how do you make a microphone work on your computer?

Okay, moving on ...
This day has sooo not turned out the way I planned it! I had hoped to get a milion things done, getting up early, running errands and study like a maniac ... yeah right!! *eyes rolling!*
Zorro woke up at 3.15 and made sure I wasn't getting any sleep either! He kept cuddling, running, clawing, cuddling, running, screaming, cuddling, clawing, screaming and cuddling non-stop, which made it impossible for me to relax ... he finally calmed down at about 5.45, and I fell asleep - and didn't wake up until 9 o'clock!!!!!! *gasp* Sooooo not according to plan!!!
I didn't get my errands done - except shopping - and I didn't get much studying done at all!! *deep sigh*

I did take an evening walk yesterday, but I didn't get the pictures transferred until tonight! But here they are! :) Enjoy!

Still ...
I had intended to get a bit of "free time" tomorrow, seeing as how it's Friday ... but since I didn't get much done at all today, I guess today will constitute my "day off" - and I will spend tomorrow studying! :)
I have done a little bit of studying - and I have FINALLY gotten started on my super-secret project, so at least this day doesn't feel completely wasted! Always something, right?!
But since I have to get up at 4 a.m., I really should start thinking about getting some sleep now.

Also - I have sooooo much to do and feeling generally stressed out, but I've still decided to start a new blog! *sigh* I'm hopeless!!! It's in Swedish, and I'd love to get some readers *lol*, so check it out here:!!

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goldeneye, John Gardner
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Prologue, Les Misérables Original Cast Recording
My Plans for tomorrow:Lectures 8-10, studies, shopping, studies, cleaning

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Hopefully Getting Better!

The first thing I noticed when I woke up this morning: headache! *gaaaah*
I didn't make it to Uni, and that bothers me a lot!! I'm missing out on sooo much stuff now, and I really, really don't want to! Not only "regular" lectures, but mentor-meetings and essay-information and God knows what else!
Still, not much I can do about it, I suppose ...

I spent better part of the morning, once again trying to get rid of the headache, but it's been stubborn to say the least this time! Around 2 p.m. it felt "okay", and have been ever since, even though I'm still in minor pain...
Since then I have managed to prepare all sentences (they were due today, but I don't think they had the time to go through all of them, so there are probably some left to deal with tomorrow), and also go back and check out what I have missed, what I don't know. I think I have narrowed that down, and at least that lets me know what I'm supposed to be working on ....

My cold is definately better now, a bit of a runny nose, but that's it, and I can definately live with that. After my study session (which was done in parts, as I had to take breaks often), my head feels worse again, but I desperately hope it will be better tomorrow.

I need to be feeling fit for fight tomorrow, for so many reasons, so having a headache (or something else!) simply isn't an option ... I just hope my head - and the rest of my body - understands and accepts that!

We have lectures at 8 tomorrow morning, and I have a feeling he might go through the next chapter then (or he might save it to Friday - we don't have lectures on Thursday), and that means I have to be there!
Then I'm off to the big University library, as I think I have found a book for my essay, that might be just what I need. After that I will study in the Department library, there are lots of books to read there as well - and should I get any time left over (yeah right! *rolling eyes*), I need to go back and learn all the Greek I've missed.
I will also be meeting Lena, as she has a seminar tomorrow afternoon. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again, we haven't seen each other for a while now!
Yup, those are my plans ...

I should try to relax now - and maybe study a little more Greek tonight - but I will definately try to go to bed early and get as much sleep as possible ... hopefully that will make me feel better in the morning!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goldeneye, John Gardner
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, Libraries, Lena (lots of L's! *lol*) - see above for details.

Monday, 22 September 2008


Okay, this has not been a good start of the week, that's for sure!
I woke up feeling pretty terrible this morning, but I really felt I HAD to get to Uni, so I stacked up on medicines and coffee throughout the morning. On my way to Uni I had a few "incidents" (sorry, they're a bit too personal to share in a public blog), and they had quite an effect on me! Had this been two - or maybe just one (?) year ago, I probably would have turned around and gone back home ... but I didn't.

I think I coped fairly well with the lecture - I was asked to read and I did, and I also answered some grammatical questions that were tied into "my" sentence. Unfortunately, my cold was making itself known and I started getting a nasty headache. We went through the second half of the chapter during the last 20 minutes of the lecture, but I felt completely out-of-it, and I still don't know if I understood what it was about!!

I was supposed to go to a store a bit north of where I live to buy some clothes directly after Uni, but there was no way I could cope with that, I even had a hard time making it home.
I have spent the entire day trying to get rid of my headache, no luck! I'm feeling seriously stressed out now, I'm falling more and more behind for every hour that goes by, and yet I know there's no point in even trying to study when I feel like this! To grasp these sentences, and make any kind of sense in them, you have to be 100% concentrated and focused - and with this bad a headache, there's no way I can do that!!

It feels very important to be to actually go to all the lectures now, since I've missed a number of them ... but things aren't always that easy ... I don't have the energy (and my head hurts!!) to go into a long discussion about it, but fact of the matter is, this Uni situation is starting to get very complicated now that I don't feel well. I also have the optional essay-writing-course-thingy tomorrow, which I really feel I should go to ...
And on the other hand - going to lectures today made my cold a lot worse, which should mean that it won't exactly get better if I go tomorrow!
I haven't decided what to do yet, because I really don't know. And I don't think I will decide until tomorrow ....

I have split feelings about this as well - it feels very stupid, and almost petty, to complain about these things, when I know how I felt about the entire Uni situation some 2-3 years ago! I couldn't even set foot inside the Department without suffering a major anxiety attack, I had to work out alternate solutions with every single teacher I ever came across, I was completely socially isolated and couldn't talk to anyone ... comparing that to what my life is about now is almost scary! Now all I'm worrying about is not being able to be at the Department! *laughs a little*
Still, I can't just shrug this off! I know I'm waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy better off now than I have ever been, and trust me, I am very, very grateful for that. But fact of the matter is, for every single hour I don't spent 100% of me studying, I fall further behind. And eventually, I won't be able to pick up the pieces any more! And that is speaking purely from experience!!

Well, after this entry my head is more or less falling off my shoulders, so I guess I shouldn't stay in front of the computer any longer. Just thought I'd let you know what's going on - and as usual it turned into a ramble! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Vildåsnans törst, Åke Lundqvist
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: I have no idea!

Sunday, 21 September 2008


Okay, I guess it's time to summarize the weekend now.
First and formost, I was happy to see my visitors reaching 12,300 on the day of my second anniversary! Yay! Still would like to hear a little something from you readers though ... ;)

I've been suffering a cold pretty much all of the weekend, and while I haven't been completely under the weather, I haven't been able to study nearly as much as I should have! My head just hasn't been with me at all, and that makes studies pretty much impossible. I know there's not much I could have done about it, but that doesn't change the fact that I have fallen behind, both in the Greek-course and in the essay writing! And I have an intense enough semester now, without falling behind ...

I have felt better tonight, I have prepared the sentences for tomorrow - although it was almost scary, but I fully realized how much I really don't know and how far behind I have gotten now! *yikes* I have also managed to clean the kitchen and bathroom, run the vacuum and take a shower, so I definately think I'm on the mend now.
I do hope I won't get worse tomorrow, when I have to go out and about again ... but I can't miss lectures, so I have no choice ...

I know I have a really rough semester ahead of me now, trying to both take Greek and write the essay, and I know I have to put pretty much all the time I have into studying - and I don't mind that so much. The problem arises when something happens that makes me unable to study ... Since things are so intense right now, I can't afford to take a break, I have to keep up all the time - because it's pure terror to try to both keep up and catch up on stuff you've missed!!! Which is exactly what I'm in for this week! *sigh*
Things are the way they are now, not much to say or do about that - but it will be difficult to deal with, and I can definately not stay sick any longer, that would be pure disaster! So pleeeeease keep your fingers crossed my cold is really getting ready to leave for good now!

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend, and I wish you a great week to come!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Vildåsnans törst, Åke Lundqvist
Currently watching: Wire in the Blood, season 3
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek Lectures, shopping, STUDIES

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Happy Anniversary: Another Day - Another Destiny!

This blog celebrates it's second birthday today! :)
I started it on 20 September 2006, after having problems with another blog here at Blogger. I honestly haven't made a lot of internet projects work lately, but this blog seems to be doing pretty well - well over 12,000 visitors isn't bad, right?!

I would like to make a request to my readers though, seeing as I'm celebrating at all. While the counter keeps climbing, I get very few comments on this blog. I know who some of the readers are, but it would be very nice to just hear something from those that actually take the time to read this blog ... :) It doesn't take long to just leave me a line letting me know that you're out there, maybe where you're from ...
I'm basically writing this blog for myself, of course, it's very personal and deals with my life, my thoughts and my activities, but it's very nice to see (and hear from) others that are reading it!
Thanks! :)

A lot has happened to me personally, during these past few years, and I think this development has been made visible here in the blog as well. From being more or less just off sick-leave and just starting to find my way around University studies and my life in general, I now have a stable life, I'm happy with what I'm doing, I have a number of goals in my life, that I'm fighting to achieve, and that actually also seem quite possible!
I think I've also grown a lot on a personal level, I have become an adult in a way that I don't think I was in 2006, and I feel quite good about that. I'm learning to actually like who I am, dealing with the parts I don't like, but coming to terms with who I am and what I want to do with my life and myself.

I'm naturally hoping visitors will come back, I will do my very best to keep this blog up and running with regular entries. If you feel anything is missing, if there are any kind of entries you feel you want more, or less, of, please don't hesitate to let me know (you can leave a comment and be anonymous if you like)!

Thank you again for these past two years!

Friday, 19 September 2008

A Cold, A Test, A Project!

This has been a strange day indeed ...

I woke up this morning, feeling not so much of previous stomach cramps, but rather a cold with all it's classic symtoms - sore throat, runny nose, slight fever, a head that felt like it weighed in at 200 kilos!! Great!!
I had no choice but to go to lectures today, so I stuffed myself with various pills and managed to get in Uni in time for the lecture. And boy was I in for a surprise!!

I had totally forgotten about our weekly "test" that we are supposed to have every Friday! *gulp* I know it's nothing official, and we get to correct it ourselves, but it still felt pretty terrible, especially since I hadn't studied anything at all!!!
But apparently, this semester seems to be working out despite all, because when we went through the test in class, I hadn't made a single mistake! *wooo-hooo* Okay, there was one verb-form I didn't completely recognize, but from the context of the text, I figured out what it "had" to be - and I was right! The test was compiled in three parts, first a text to be translated (and we can't use dictionaries, so I was glad I had studied that!), second a few words to be analyzed, and thirdly, some grammatical questions! I know I still have to go over a few things I've missed, or not learned properly, but it still felt really good that I am keeping up the way I am! *yay* :)

I did have some problems during the lecture though, becuase I felt really terrible from my cold. When we were done, I went to the library, to look up some literature for my essay. The one book my professor said I had to read first of all, doesn't exist at our department library, or at the big university library! Thanks a lot!! I didn't have the energy to start bothering the staff about it, I have to deal with it next week. I also found out that all the other books are books you can not borrow, but have to read there ... so now my whole planning system has gone down the drain! If I have to do ALL my studying at the library, I'm not sure how I'm gonna make this work! I had counted on weekends as well ... *sigh*

I managed to get some errands out of the way before going home. I ate a little, and collapsed on my coach! Unfortunately I couldn't fall asleep, but I sort of dosed for a few hours, and felt a little better after that.
I have started clearing away a little, and I also continued my secret project! I've spent quite a lot of time on it tonight - only to find out that ALL I have done is in vain, because I can't use it!!!!!!!! *VERY angry now!!!!* Okay, I know I shouldn't start things when I'm this busy with studies, but if you knew what it was (but I can't tell you, sorry), you'd know it was something really worth doing! And now I've gone and spent hours and hours on something I can't use!!! It's not like I have all the time in the world right now!
That pretty much spoiled my mood tonight, so now I'm mostly upset at everything - I feel my cold even worse now, I'm starting to get a headache and everything feels pretty awful! *feeling sorry for myself now*

This day - despite all - has felt pretty good, until this final straw ... so now I'm in a really bad mood. I'm sorry to have to end this entry like this ... but that's the way things are now ...

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Vildåsnans törst, Åke Lundqvist
Currently watching: Wire in the Blood
Currently listening to: Prologue, Les Misérables Original London Cast
My Plans for tomorrow:Starting over on my project, studies, cleaning - maybe laundry

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Blaaah ....

That pretty much describes my day today!
I've been suffering from these horrible stomach cramps all day, no matter what I have done. Doesn't seem fair you should be completely wiped out and feeling dead for something that is supposed to be "natural" *rolling eyes* ...

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to study much at all, and when I've tried, I haven't been able to make heads or tails about anything. Things are getting so complicated now, that you really need to be concentrated and focused to sort it all out - and since I've either been delirious with pain or delirious with pain medication, that hasn't worked out!

I still need to go to Uni tomorrow!! We will go through the next chapter during the Greek lecture, I need to get some shopping and errands done and I need to start checking out the litterature for my essay ... so I cannot skip going!
I know I have to tell the teacher I am unprepared and asked to be excused from the reading-thingy, but it feels sooooo terrible, since I did that last time! *ooops* I honestly totally know I cannot try to be excused every single time, becuase I need to work with this - and I want to! I want to be able to read and translate just like everybody else does - but I cannot not do it on top of my head - I'm not that smart! I will definately work at coping better with the whole concept, but there's no way I'm gonna stutter through something I haven't even prepared (some of the other students do that ...)! So I guess I'll have to hope that everybody somehow understand that I've been completely incapable of studying anything today - and cross my fingers and hope for the best ... *gulp* (not to fond of that approach to things, but I guess I have no choice now)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Vildåsnans törst
Currently watching: Caterpillar Wish
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lecture, library, errands, studies, cleaning

One Day Behind!

Seems like I'm always one day behind on my blog entries now. Hopefully I can catch up today! :)

Yesterday was not at all as intense as 'Terrible Tuesday', but it was still pretty tough day ...
I had lectures first thing in the morning, and I'm actually pretty proud I managed to get there, after the day I had before. It worked out pretty well, we went through the next chapter, and while things are moving along very quickly, I still feel I can keep up in an acceptable way, and I do understand what it's all about ... which helps! ;)

After the lecture, I and another girl had some 'personal tutoring' with our teacher - we got some teasing from the other students for that! :) This other woman had missed the entire first week, which is very hard, and I had missed one chapter, so we went through the basics. It worked out very well, I think, and I had actually understood pretty much everything I missed all on my own! *yay* It makes all the difference having someone actually explaining it to you though, it makes much more sense, and you get a viewpoint on things from these explanantions that you could never achieve on your own.
He spent an entire hour with us (!!), which was really kind, because that is sooo not part of his regular duties! A big thank you!

I ran some errands before going home, and when I did get home, I made a point of actually really relaxing!! That felt really good, but aparently I had to pay the consequences for relaxing. Partly because I didn't as much done as I had hoped, but mostly because I started getting some serious stomach cramps during the night - and they've been there ever since. Doesn't matter what kind of medication I take, I've been awake since about 2.30 a.m. more or less moaning with pain constantly! *big sigh*
Naturally, I didn't make it to Uni this morning, but we were not going through new stuff today (save that for tomorrow) so I hope I can work it out anyway!

I'm starting to feel a little better now, or rather, the medication is starting to take the edge off the pain, so hopefully I'll be able to get something done during the afternoon ...
I have to get to Uni tomorrow for a number of reasons; partly the lecture, since we going through the next chapter, and I also have to do some shopping in town, and start checking out books for my essay.
My schedule this semester will be: essay-work on Fridays and Saturdays, and Greek the rest of the week - so I need to get started on the essay tomorrow!

Okay, seems like I'm more or less up to speed now, I hope I can keep it at that! :)
Take care!

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

"Terrible Tuesday!"

Yesterday truly was 'terrible Tuesday', and since I wasn't home until about 7.15, feeling really dead I wasn't in any shape to blog. So here's an entry for yesterday - from now on know officially as "Terrible Tuesday"! :)

8.15-10 - Greek Lecture
We were supposed to go through sentences, some from the book we're reading, which we were supposed to prepare, and some "unprepared" sentences. I felt terrible, Monday wasn't a great day for me, and I had slept about 2 hours during the night, so I was definitely going to ask if I could be excused from doing any kind of "reading" whatsoever (even though I actually had prepared the sentences in the book)!!
The lecture actually worked out really well - the teacher asked me to read once, but I told him I'd rather pass this time, and that was okay! I know I definitely cannot make a habit of it, but at least it feels good knowing it won't be a big deal if you once in a while feel you are unprepared. The lectures didn't give that much, since no new stuff was introduced, but it still felt good being there. And it also felt good being able to say that I wasn't prepared this one time!

After lectures I was supposed to check out some stuff at the library, but first I wanted to talk to our teacher, because there had been talks about me having a meeting with him after lectures today, regarding a chapter I missed, at the end of last week, but that took some time. Eventually I got to talk to him, and it was okay to meet after lectures today. I went down to the library, but met Johanna on the way there, we started talking, and I hope we can arrange a dinner (me, Johanna & Per and Sara & Martin) sometimes - but it's not that esay finding a date and time that works for everyone! :) Finally I got to the library, but I didn't get much done - and I was really nervous about the 'personal essay meeting'.

10.30 - Personal Meeting With Professor About Essay
At 10.30 I went up to meet the professor (and for those intrested, I have anxiety problems, and I've always had problems dealing with authority figures, and my professor has been head of the Department of Theology and is now Head of the Faculty *gulp*) ... I was really really nervous throughout the meeting, but he is really supernice and very easy to talk to. We talked about what I could do, I want to write about something that has to do with Ecclesiates, so we went on from there, at I got some information as to what's next in the essay-proccess. We talked for about half an hour, and I really felt afterwards that I knew what to do next - which was very nice indeed! :)

I went back to the library and studied Greek - had lunch inbetween - but studied until about 1.30, when we had an essay seminar.

1.30 - 3 - Essay Group Seminar
We aren't that many in the group, yesterday we were five students, and aparently there are a few more, but they live up country, and have a hard time coming to seminars. The seminar was really great, we got a lot of info on the task of how do you write an essay, which for me - who has never written one before - was a great asset! We got tips and hints and advice and the last part of the seminar was spent in the library, where the professors showed us literature that was good to work with.

I spent some time with fellow Greek-students in the library after that, but I even though I only had to wait an hour, it felt like forever!!

4.15-6 Information-Course on Essay-Writing
Then I had an optional course in essay writing, it has been given for about four or five semesters now, but it runs the risk of being cancelled, and since it's the first essay I will be writing, I felt it worth going to. The teacher was really great, he had just recently defended his thesis and he was very esasy going and nice to be around ... but we were only three (!) students!!! It felt a bit strange, but still very good, because he could adapt the workings of essay writing to our specific subjects and interests in a way he wouldn't have done, had we been more students. I got a lot out of those hours, lots of ideas and ways of how to get about it. This course will last for about 6-8 weeks (one "lecture" a week) and I think it will be well-spent time going to them, that's for sure!!

I wasn't home until about 7.15, and even though the day had worked out for the most part very well, I still felt more dead than alive .... but at least I had dealt with my "Terrible Tuesday" and survived it!! :)
Guess that's gotta count for something! :)

Monday, 15 September 2008

Some Week-Starter!

Whoa - I thought tomorrow was going to be "Terrible Tuesday", but today hasn't exactly been a piece of cake either ...
I had lectures at 10, and while overall everything felt okay, some things really feel weird and rather hard to deal with. I actually had to read, not just one but two sentences - the second one became mostly just weird, and while I didn't mind that so much, I had very high anxiety levels throughout the lectures. There are also starting to be some tension within the group, and since we are very few, I'm afraid that will turn into something that might be hard to deal with on a daily basis. And I also found out that we're going to do even more of the "unprepared" stuff at tomorrow's lecture ... yay - not! *rolling eyes*

One good thing about this morning was that during our break I met up with a girl I have been studying with before, and we started talking. She just got some great news, and it was really nice catching up. I also met a few other students I've been taking courses with before, and now everybody is saying 'hello' and we can say at least a few words. That would have been so faaaar beyond my wildest dreams when I got back from sick-leave - it's quite an amazing feeling to actually experience it now! :)

I met Lena afterwards, but I felt very stressed out and mostly hyper about everything, so I'm guessing I wasn't that much fun to talk to. I was supposed to stay at the Library and check out some stuff for my essay - I have a personal meeting with my professor, and a seminar with the group tomorrow - but I couldn't focus at all, so I gave up and went home.

The afternoon as just flown by, I have no idea where the hours have gone, but I haven't gotten much done. This day was not supposed to be so bad, and yet I don't feel good at all. I'm trying to write in my diary a lot, to sort things out - but I'm very unfocused and I feel very confused about everything, so it's hard to reach some kind of decision or resolve at all ...

Tomorrow really is "Terrible Tuesday":
Greek lectures 8-10 - with apparently some unprepared reading! *deep sigh*
I have half an hour to check out the library (though I hardly even know what I'm looking for!!) and at 10.30 I'm meeting the professor about the essay. I have a strong feeling I should have done a lot more than I have, but I feel very insecure about the whole thing right now!!
Then I have a "break" until 1.30, when we have the group seminar about the essay. Still not sure what that is going to be like, or what it will be dealing with, but I'm hoping we won't have to present anything for real, because I don't even know what I want to write about yet! *nervous*
And then, I have an optional information course in essay-writing between four and six - and I don't know anything about that either, or who will be there ...
And I won't be home until about 7.30 - AND I have to be at Uni for Greek lectures (and possibly be prepared for some reading or whatnot) at 8 a.m. the next morning .... *gaaaaaah*

I have had definate thoughts on not going tomorrow, because I really feel terrible and I'm not sure if I can cope with all that in one day, when I feel like this. But I also know and feel like it would be very good if I really could go. For a number of reasons. Of course it's good to be there, and establish my position at Uni and in the groups, I need to get started on my essay so I need those meetings etc. but I also feel like I need to be able to get to Uni even when I'm not feeling 100% ... so it would be a good thing from that perspective as well.
I'm quickly realizing I will not be able to "prepare" (either Greek nor the essay stuff) the way I would like to, because I still have a massive diary entry to write, and I have to get up at 4 and it's already 9.30 - but I guess I'm gonna have to let everyone know that I will be more like a zombie than a human being tomorrow, and people will just have to deal with that. Also, that might get me out of unprepared reading in the Greek-lecture. I know I just can't look for ways to "get out of" things now, because I'm gonna have to learn to actually do them, but on a day like tomorrow - and when I'm feeling this bad - I think it'd be okay to try to "get out of" the situations that give me top-anxiety levels at least ...

Okay, I really shouldn't be sitting here now - I should be writing in my diary trying to find ways that will make it easier for me to cope with everything that's going on right now! Wish me luck, okay?! :)
Take care!

Today's Blog Dedication: To Lena, who patiently listened to me whine and whine and whine and whine today! Sorry about that - and thanks for taking the time to listen! :)
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lecture, essay-meeting, essay-seminar, essay-course!

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Next Week Approaching Fast!

I have mixed feelings about today - because without a doubt I feel I could have/should have done more than I have, but on the other hand, I feel like I have done stuff today ... *confusing*

I went to Malmö this morning, to meet with Kajsa and her boyfriend Petter - and it was great seeing them both. It was ages since I saw Kajsa last, and I had actually never even met Petter. It was nice catching up again, but unfortunately I felt pretty stressed out, so I only stayed for about an hour. It felt a bit stupid, but I couldn't help it, things are really intense now - and I also have to consider that it takes me a while to travel. We talked about them coming up here for a visit too, I hope I can invite them for lunch or something some weekend ahead.

When I got home I went online, caught up in a few forums - I am quickly realizing that spending time on Forums and Message Boards (there are mostly two where I'm active) will be restricted to weekends from now on, but I at least want to make an effort and log on once every week. I also finished the sentences we have to prepare for tomorrow - but this time they were very strange and there are quite a few I couldn't quite make sense of. *sigh* I haven't practiced my reading yet, but we have a "late" lecture tomorrow and start at 10, so I'm hoping to get some work done during the morning before I have to leave.
I also think I have learned pretty much all the words to the first five chapters, I'm guessing somewhere around 250 maybe? Not all bad, right?! :)

I also started a new secret project. Sorry about sounding so vague, but it really is secret. I will have to work on it quite a bit in the upcoming weeks though, so I'm afraid you're gonna have to put up with vague references like this! *lol* I promise to let you know what it is as soon as I can - but it might be a while! ;) It involves quite a lot, and it does have a deadline (on top of everything else I'm doing now!), but at least it feels good to have actually started it.

And now I'm worrying about next week. I'm hoping to wind down with my diary in front of a movie (when I'm done here), and try to find some nice positive thoughts, because this week is going to be pretty crazy. I'm mostly worried about Tuesday - which in my day is hence called "Terrible Tuesday" - but most of the other days will be tough as well. I hope I can narrow things down and try to deal with one thing at a time - I think that's the only way I can deal!

Well, even though I don't have to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow (more like 5.30), I still want to get to bed in a decent time, so I'd better sign off now.
Take care, I wish you all a good week ahead!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Beck - Öga för öga (Swedish movie)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting Lena, working on my essay in the library, errands at the post office, greek-studies ...

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Not As I Had Hoped!

I had hoped to get a lot done today, not only studying but also cleaning, errands and just generally catching up to a lot of things - and that sooo didn't happen. So now I'm in a bad mood!
I guess it started this morning, I got up late, and I had this one thing I needed to do, I had been putting it off far too long - and once I got going, it didn't work out at all! *deep sigh*
Since then it has just continued, in not much has been done at all!

I know I have tomorrow as well, but I'm meeting Kajsa in Malmö tomorrow, so I won't have the whole day to plan. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again, hopefully also her boyfriend, whom I have never met, as it's been ages since we saw eachother. But I still can't help feeling stressed out, especially since I didn't get as much done today as I had hoped.

I have a very tough week ahead of me as well - and I know I can't afford to miss any more lectures, at least not the way I have been up to now, and studies aren't getting any easier. I have lectures 10-12 on Monday and 8-10 on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday ... and Tuesday is really terrible! Lectures at 8-10, mentor-meeting at 10, which I will have to leave early from, because at 10.30 I have to meet with my essay-professor (so I have to get something done on that on Monday afternoon). At 2.30 we have a seminar for the essay with the entire group and 4-6 I have a course in ... bascially it's help for writing an essay, you get hints and ideas and help searching for information and various stuff. I think it will be very good to attend (it's an optional course, and you don't get exams or stuff like that) - but I will definately be dead after that day!
Also, not forgetting that I probably should prepare about 15-20 sentences to the lecture on Wednesday morning ... *gulp*

I don't mind working hard, and generally I feel really good about the whole Uni-situation now, but it's hard knowing that I have such tough times ahead of me, and not feeling so great. I'm really upset about not getting more done today, because I think I would have felt better if I had. I know I can still get a few hours before I need to go to bed, but I'm extremely tired at nights now (might have something to do with the fact that I usually get up before 4 a.m. in the morning), so I'm not sure I can concentrate.

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm just constantly whining! *apologzing now*
I'll just sign off and hopefully find myself in a better mood tomorrow!
Take care!

Friday, 12 September 2008

Friday At Last!

Oh wow how good it feels to know it's Friday! Even though I have skipped two Uni days this week, it has felt like this week has lasted forever.
I went to lectures this morning - which was quite overwhelming, with both very positive and quite negative aspects! I had been told we were supposed to have these minor "exams" or tests every Friday, and since I missed two lectures I felt quite nervous about that. I studied like an idiot last night, and this morning (between 5 and 6.15 a.m. - I sooooo love the hours I keep these days *sigh*).
Once I got to Uni I ended up talking to a few other students I haven't talked so much with before, and that was nice. I really feel soooooo much more at ease in the University situations now than ever before, and I think I'm really developing a security within myself - I don't think I ever could have hoped to do that!!

We started at about 8.20 - and the first thing on the agenda was that the printer had apparently malfunctioned ... so we wouldn't get our tests!! Okaaaayy .... not that I'm complaining that it's officially okay to miss a test, but I studied a lot, and I would have liked to see how much I had actually understood. No such luck though ...
The first half of the lecture was spent going through the next chapter. I still feel I'm following the lectures in a very good way - but I also feel I'm a little uncertain as to how I really should study. Since this course is so HUGE - and I have to write an essay as well, in another subject - I have to ration what I do, I simply cannot learn everything by heart, because there isn't enough time ... the hard part is deciding on what to learn by heart and what you can managed to do anyway ...

The second half of the lecture was almost like torture to me!! The big exam we'll be having (on October 31st) will include the task of translating a text which we have never seen before, a text we haven't gone through during lectures, so the teacher thought it'd be a good idea to start practicing on that. He gave us some beginner's text used in courses in Classic Greek - and just started giving us sentences, completely unprepared!! Terror!!
Unfortunately I still get a lot of anxiety when it comes to reading and translating - and the fact that it was unprepared made it even worse of course - so I did spend most of my time and energy to figuring out which would be my sentence, how would I pronounce the words and was there anything I could say about them ...
I did get to read, and I try telling myself that it was a good thing, because it will even more de-dramatize my place in the group, it will make me feel more like one "in the group" and all that - and I guess it's true ... but I'm still having difficulties dealing with this. I think I'm gonna have to start working this through during the weekend, because I don't think I can go on like this for an entire semester.

After lectures I spent some time talking to a few fellow students which was nice - but since I got home, I have only relaxed!! I had told myself I could take this day off, and start again tomorrow, and it's been absolute heaven.
I have watched Stargate: The Ark of Truth - better late than never, right?! *lol* and am currently making caps from it, so hopefully some nice graphics will be coming. I've also watched a couple of episodes of Stargate: Atlantis (season 1) - niiiice!! (to quote O'Neill - who isn't even in either AOT or Atlantis, but you get the picture *lol*) I'm hoping to make separate entries on the movie and Atlantis later on (the movie, hopefully tomorrow!).

I'll try not to make tonight waaay too late, as I have to get up and start studying tomorrow, so I should think about signing off now.

Take care, I hope you all are enjoying your Friday and will have a lovely evening!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis: season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow:Studies, running errands, cleaning

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Making A Decision!

Yes, I actually made the decision to skip Uni today. And before you all start shouting that I'm crazy, I did think this through first! :)
First and foremost, I have been completely exhausted, pretty much since the very intense Tuesday - and I could hardly get out of bed at 4 a.m. this morning ... Second, I knew there wouldn't be any new stuff today, our teacher clearly stated that we will start the next chapter tomorrow, so all we did yesterday (and all they, I assume, did today) was go through sentences. Of course, it's always good to be there for that as well, you get explanations and can figure out where and why you did something wrong - but it's nothing compared to when new stuff is presented. Thirdly, we're going to have a little "test", or "mini-exam" (hard to find an English term that explains it), tomorrow morning, before starting on the next chapter, and since I've missed some parts now, I felt it important to try and work through them properly.

I guess those are my reasons ... I always feel bad when I'm not going to a scheduled lecture, and so I did today, but I don't feel really terrible, because if you're ever going to be able to skip a lecture, this is the kind you really can skip! I certainly don't mean to make a habit of it - and I know it's important to be there for these kinds of lectures as well ... but today I just didn't make it.

I have gotten a lot of studying done - though there's always more you can do! But I'm getting used to that! :) My hand is getting totally sore - already!! - which is a bit annoying. I need to write a lot, and if I start feeling pain after only 2 weeks, I wonder what the rest of the semester will be like! I know there are "wrist-supports", I've tried buying them, but they don't really help me, because it's not really my wrist that hurts, it's more on top of my hand and in my finger joints - and if I try to get something on there, I won't be able to move hand, or write, at all - so that certainly doesn't work.
Ah well - I've survived before, I guess I will this time too! :)

Now I'm gonna get back to Greek nouns and adjectives. Fun, heh?!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, watching 'Stargate: The Ark of Truth, studies

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

I Don't Like Roller Coasters!

I honestly don't like regular roller coasters - and I really really don't like the emotional kind!
This past few days have been quite overwhelming, and I'm not sure how to make heads or tails of what's going on in my life. So in advance: apologies if this entry makes no sense whatsoever! :)

Okay, Friday (see, I need to back a long way to sort this out!) wasn't great, since I missed Uni, even though that wasn't entirely my fault ...
I spent most of the weekend trying to study and catch up and work with myself, and I was doing quite well, everything felt okay. Sunday night I was nervous for the week to come, of course, but I felt quite confident I could make a come-back without any major problems.

And then came Monday! And I still have no idea what actually happened ... some time when I'm not constantly stressing, I really need to sit down and try to figure it out. I had slept poorly, had weird and pretty uncomfortable dreams, and I woke up with a major anxiety attack. That I can handle ... usually! But for some reason, it was like I had stepped into a time machine when I woke up - and had gone back in time some 4-5 years or so!
I write a lot in a personal diary, especially when I'm going through rough times, and writing helps me a great deal. I have even managed to actually "talk sense to myself" in my diary - I can totally tell myself to "get a grip - deal - move on - do what it is you're supposed to do!" ... and I can actually do it.
But Monday didn't work at all. I followed my usual routine in writing, which is that I usually just pour out all the bad feelings and terrible horrible things I can think of ... and then I take a few deep breaths, and start dealing - finding solutions, finding alternative thoughts that make me cope etc - and while I could find those thoughts, they meant nothing to me. I couldn't use them at all.
I haven't felt that bad in a very, very long time - and I didn't go to lectures! It also meant missing out on breakfast with Lena, which felt terrible because I really wanted to do that - but there was no way I could get out of my apartment.

I was supposed to work really hard at figuring this whole thing out during the day - and catch up on studies, and I just spent the entire day in a black hole, doing nothing at all.

And after Monday came Tuesday - yesterday! Which turned out to be the complete and utter opposite!! I had anticipated another major anxiety attack, because now I had missed yet another day of Uni, and I know that has consequences! Sure, I felt nervous and a bit anxious, but the levels where nowhere near what I had felt on Monday!!
I got to Uni at 8, had lectures - I was excused from the read-translate-analyze moment, since the teacher knew I had been away, but I followed the lecture, I got what was said, I spent time with my fellow students, and it all just worked out! I had lunch with no less than 4 (!) people - I definately don't do that a lot! - I studied in the library and prepared even more for today than I actually had to!!
At 4.15 p.m. we had an introduction for those of us writing essays during the semester, and I was quite nervous about that. I have never written one before, and I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to write about. I knew (in a loose sense of the word but still) everybody who was there except two (!), which was a very cool feeling - and even though the prospect of writing this essay in the manner expected is somewhat frightening, I am looking forward to it ... :)
After a lot of general information, we went off with our separate professors (the entire group includes those writing in Old and New Testament, but there is of course one OT-professor and one NT-professor). Only me and Per were writing in OT, so we went with our professor - Per got his info out of the way pretty quickly, because he had a fair idea what he wanted to do ... and I just got more and more nervous.
The professor was really nice though - I actually had him on a short basic course before I got on sick-leave, in 2001 ... kinda cool! ;) He helped me a lot just by being nice, and after we had talked a little, he gave me some great ideas for my essay - so now I at least know where to start digging! :)

I wasn't home until 6.30 (!!) and was pretty exhausted - so not much got done yesterday evening.

Finally arriving at today - wonder if any reader has had the energy to continue reading this ... :)
Lectures again at 8, and now I knew I couldn't be excused from reading - but I still wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. Lectures were a bit of a let-down today, actually, for some reasons, but at this point, there's not much to be done about that ...
I did get to read, but it seemed our teacher would have let me "get away" without reading today as well - but since I had mentally prepared for it, I went ahead and did it! *yay me* :) It didn't go perfect - far from it - because I think I both read the Greek text wrong and made errors in the translation, but despite a number of "problems" I feel the general 'mood' in the classroom is very relaxed and feels 'okay', so I didn't mind as much as I thought I would. I still don't feel good about it, but I don't feel too bad about it either - and I don't think this will make me go into a major anxiety attack the next time I'm going to read (which will be tomorrow, in all certainty) - and I guess that's the main thing.

I spent about two hours studying in the library and then I met up with Lena, so we went home together - niiiiice with company on the train! *yay*

I should have studied lots and lots and lots this afternoon - but fact of the matter is, I'm really tired. As you well have nocticed by now (if you've read this far!!!), these past few days have been very overwhelming, and my energy levels aren't exactly on top (doesn't help that I have to get up at 4 a.m. every morning either). Still, I'm hoping to get a few hours in now.
Aparently this teacher (in Greek) has a small "test" (for your own sake, but still) every Friday ... I missed the first one, obviously, but even though it's not something major, I still feel you should be up-to-speed, and study a little extra for that ... so tonight I will focus on expanding my vocabulary ... tomorrow I will have to seriously get going with grammar! Wish me luck, okay?! :)

*phew* Took some energy to get through this entry, that's for sure! Still, at least now both you and I are up-to-speed about what's going on. If I can feel pretty okay about things generally now - for a while at least - I hope I can get back to daily updates of the blog.
Also, don't forget my other blogs either:

Today's Blog Dedication: To all readers that managed to get through this massive entry! Thank You! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures at Uni and lots of studying

Monday, 8 September 2008

Celebrating 12,000!

Wow - 12,000 vistors!! That's incredible! THANK YOU! :)

To tell the truth, I had no idea this blog would be so successful! :) I mostly started it for fun! *lol* If you are a more or less regular reader of this blog, I'd love to know who you are ... please type in a comment on a post, or send me an email at: - would be great to find out a little more about my readers!! I'm very happy you seem to enjoy my blog - so this 12,000th entry is dediccated to YOU! :)

Today's Blog Dedication: To all my wonderful readers who keep my counter up and have now reached amazing 12,000 since 20 September 2006 -- THANK YOU! :)

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Next Week Coming Up Fast!

What is it about Sundays?! Time flies by quicker than any other day on Sundays - very weird indeed!
I'm trying to study like a maniac and at the same time preparing myself mentally for next week ... so my head is kind of messy right now.
Studies are "okay" so far - I think. When I read through the chapter from the lecture on Friday, I hardly understood any of it - *ooops!!* - but once I got started on the sentences, I think I figured them out. I've done half of them, and at least I have a translation and an analysis - that's gotta count for something, right?! :) The problem is, I don't think I understand why the sentences turn out the way they do, and I think I'm supposed to do that ...

Now I'm mostly going to focus on completing the sentences and practice my reading, because I think those two things failing are the things that might make me stay home tomorrow - and I simply cannot do that! So, that's where my priorities lie, at least for the moment.

I also have another motivation for actually getting to Uni tomorrow. I'm meeting Lena and we're having breakfast together! :) Starting tomorrow, our Student Union arranges Monday-Breakfasts, for a symbolic sum, where you can eat and spend time with friends ... I really wanted to go, but didn't think I could cope on my own - that would have taken too much energy and I need to spend all of it on getting my studies to work properly now - so I was thrilled to hear Lena wanted to join me!

I really really really hope I can make a go of next week, because I think that will affect most of what lies ahead for me. First week is generally confusing, how does the course work, what kind of teacher is it, how demanding is it, which study techniques are best to use, getting used to early mornings etc. etc. etc. - but now I need to simply make that work, find my routines and make it work! I think I really need that, in order to make this semester into something good - and I really want to make it work in an acceptable manner.
Also, I have to write an essay this semester, and the introductory meeting is on Tuesday. I'm totally nervous about that, because I've never written an essay, so I don't know what's involved, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to write about *not good*. I have tried emailing the professor twice, but haven't heard from him either! *sigh* Add this to the mix, and I really have to make the New Testament-course work on routine. Period.

Okay, now I'd better get back to those sentences, so I can complete them before it's too late.
Take care, and I wish you all a good week!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Gondar, Nicholas Luard
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow:Breakfast with Lena, lectures, studies, studies, studies, studies ...

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Catching Up!

Sorry about the lack of blogging these last few days ... things have been intense, and not exactly gone my way, for various reasons.
Thursday was a generally tough day - I think I completely overdid it on Wednesday, and obviously that pays off later on. I didn't cope with that day well at all, but I did my very best to do a comeback and be able to work it out on Friday. And as fate has it - Friday didn't work out either ... I didn't even make it to Uni! *deep sigh*
I have VERY mixed feelings about the end of this week, and I'm just generally feeling very confused. I'm very upset that I missed lectures, because I know that is sooooo dangerous (and truly, I AM speaking from experience - missing Hebrew lectures turned out to be devastating during the spring of 2007!!) - but on the other hand, logic tells me you have to be able to miss one single lecture without the world ending!
For crying out loud (yup, definately O'Neill influenced *LOL*), we have almost 70 lectures this semester, you have got to be able to miss one of them without failing everything ...
So I'm not really sure how I feel about this ... *confusion*

Mood-wise, I have felt pretty okay today though, which is nice. I have cleaned most of my apartment (pretty much only the bathroom left now) and I've done some studying, and some catching up online ... tomorrow will be deeply study centered, especially since I now have a missing lecture to catch up on, on top of everything else.

I really do hope I will be able to do a proper "come-back" on Monday, and that the end of this week was a temporary set-back, which I will deal with. At least I know I'll work like crazy to make it so, and I guess all I can do is hope that my work will pay off! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Gondar, Nicholas Luard
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES, and some cleaning!

A Vote Please?!

I have entered a contest, where I can win a new Nokia mobile phone ... my summer-picture needs vote, so if you don't think I'm beeing too much of a pain, I'd like you to consider voting for me ... if you like. :)

Thanks in advance!
(in case this doesn't work: *click here*)

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Too Long A Day!

A short blog entry, as I'm about to die from exhaustion ... at least it feels that way right now.
Today has been far too long, and I feel that my mood and inspiration are failing now, so I'm actually hoping to be in bed by about 9 p.m. - which I think would be a good thing. Previous nights it's been around 11 ... and then about an hour until I fall asleep, and I have to get up at 4 a.m. - and that doesn't work out in the end ...

Today has been rather strange, actually - some things not great at all, some things pretty cool! So, as usual, I feel mostly confused! :)
Lectures was okay, I think I am getting the stuff, but there are a lot of preparations to make, and the speed is pretty remarkable. So far, it's moving way faster than Hebrew (we're reading, translating and analysing sentences that are over 10 words long!!), although I'm not sure that will last. Hebrew was a bit slow on the up-take, mostly because it takes a long time to get used to the alphabet, the fact that there aren't any vowels - except there are vowels! - and that you're reading from right to left instead of the opposite ... But once that was out of the way, things moved really fast. Guess I'll have to see how Greek will evolve too.
Also, I'm having some issues regarding lectures - I can go into some of them, though not all, later on, when I'm not falling off my chair - so that part has been a bit difficult to deal with today.

Upsides were "study-date" with Lena. I do like to call it a study-date because it sounds SO good ... but if somebody should start question how much study go into it, I would probably just blush. Tends to be a lot of talking and a lot of laughing and a lot of complaining and then more laughter! *lol* Still, I'm enjoying her company a lot, and you NEED to spend time not studying as well! So there!! :)

I met Sara at the trains during the afternoon, as she was kind enough to lend me some books (also looks like I can borrow some books from the mentor on our course, hopefully the HUGE Grammar we're supposed to have that is very expensive, about 600:-, almost US$100!), and it was wonderful to see her. She's moved on to a more practical aspect of her education - which means she's no longer at the Department *sob*, but it sounds like she's enjoying a lot, and I'm really happy for her! There are talks going on about a dinner in a few weeks time, with me, Sara and Johanna - and hopefully I get to meet Sara's boyfriend Martin again (haven't seen him in ages, and his cat, Pixel, whom I've never met!!) ... something I'm really looking forward to - I hope we can pull it off.

Unfortunately I wasn't home until after 6 p.m. (and I left at 6.50 a.m.) and felt more dead than alive. Still, I had a lot of sentences to check up on ... I started waaay to late, but I just couldn't muster the energy to get going, which resulted in not finishing. Now I'm hoping that if I can fall asleep a few hours earlier than usual, maybe I can get up at 3.30 tomorrow instead, and finish the sentences before going to Uni ... *yawn* Or something ...

Okay, this turned out waaaay longer than I had intended *oops* Guess I should stumble towards my bed now!
Good night!

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Feeling A Little Better!

I have survived Day #2 of Green studies as well, and truth be told, I do feel a little better today.
I still have a few issues, that aren't really great, but I'm at least feeling I could get something good from this semester. A lot of things were clarified during this morning's lecture, and I actually feel like I'm "getting it" ... so far anyway!
Naturally, we're still on a very basic level - after all, we've only studied for two days (!), but at least I feel I understand what the teacher says, and I think I make the connections we're supposed to make - so that's good, right?! :)

However, and I know this sounds totally weird, but I do miss Hebrew ... I still have notes from last semester left to retype, hopefully I'll get to that in a day or two, and I have to say I'm looking forward to writing my essay in Old Testament (Hebrew). I still haven't heard from the professor, I had hoped to get a private meeting with him before officially starting (which we'll do on September 9) - since I'm very insecure about it ... but I can't do more than email him, after all, it's up to him to get back to me. He doesn't have scheduled lectures this semester, so I guess he could still be on vacation.

After lectures today we had a "mentor-meeting", the first one I've ever been to. There's a girl who took this course last fall, who is our "mentor", she'll be there to support us, help with questions, study techniques, act as a mediator between the class and the teacher etc. and I think that is a great system. There weren't that many of us there, but I am very happy I could go. This would have been completely unthinkable, probably only two years ago, but now it felt okay, even though I was nervous.
What proved to be a real challenge was an "educational game" we played toward the end of the meeting, which included each and everyone of us standing up at the whiteboard in front of all the others. I know it wasn't really a big thing, it was meant for a little fun - and it was - but for me, it really was a challenge. There's only one girl on this course I know, so I didn't have a lot of comfort in knowing the people around me either.
But I did it, I really did, and it worked out! I think that things like these really proves that I have made the right choices in my life, that this is really what I should do with my life, and that I totally belong in this Department! Almost everyone I study with want to become priests, and all they want to do is complete their studies so they can get to work "for real" ... and I'm the opposite. I like the Department, I like studying - and I'm constantly seeing that I'm coping with and handling things I never ever did before ... and that's gotta count for something, right?! :)

After the meeting I went to a mall a bit outside of town and ran some errands, before going home. I've spent the afternoon studying, and preparing a birthday present for my Dad's partner, as it's her birthday on Friday. I find it difficult to know what to give her, so *fingers crossed* she'll like what I have come up with this time! :)

Studies have worked out tonight, hopefully I won't find out tomorrow that I've done everything completely wrong and backwards, but I don't think so. We were supposed to learn a number of things by heart ... and I'm not sure I can ramble it in my sleep, but I have a fairly good idea of it - and we were also supposed to translate 4 sentences - and that went really well. I'm actually amazed by it myself, I just looked at the first word, recognizing the form - that's a verb, in that particular form, that's a noun ... and voilà - I had a translation! *lol*
I definitely don't think it's gonna be that easy in the future, but at least I think I've figured out the basics now. Provided of course, I haven't gotten it all wrong! :)

Now, I'm gonna try to wind down a little, watching a DVD (probably Stargate - I tried watching Stargate: Atlantis today, when I was working on the birthday present, as I have just gotten the first season, but it's such a great show, I really feel I need to devote 100% of my attention to these new episodes, and I can't do that now, so I guess I'll stick with good ol' SG-1!), and hopefully be able to get at least 4-5 hours sleep .... :)

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Trying to work my way through Greek sentences! *yay*
Currently watching: Stargate: Atlantis ("Rising")
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: NT-lectures, studies at Uni, meeting Lena - *yay* - more studies ...

Monday, 1 September 2008

Day #1 Complete!

Well, apparently I have survived my first day this semester - even though right now it hardly feels that way. Well, maybe not so bad ...
I had the introduction at 10 this morning, and I met a few people I knew at the Department which was really nice! It's such a vast difference now, from what it was some two years ago ... even though I'm not at all a social butterfly, and I feel awkward and anxious some of time, I actually do feel like I belong there, which is a major step forward for me!

Regarding the course ... well, I don't really know what to say. I guess it was some things good and some things bad - but I did run into a lot of unexpected stuff, on a many levels - and most of them were not pleasant surprises, so to speak. Since this is a public blog, I will not go into detail, I don't really feel comfortable doing that here, but I have felt a little bit like I've been riding an insane roller coaster most of the day ...

After lectures I got to spend some time with Lena - yay! - and we've decided on regular study dates a few times a week. Even though we're not taking the same courses this semester *sob* it doesn't mean we can't study together - and that feels really great!
I also went to talk to "CSN" - and I think I've kind of sorted out my financial situation, if things work the way they say they should work ... *little sigh* Anyway, I'm hoping I can get my money in a few weeks at least.

Then I went home, did some grocery shopping, made dinner, wrote in my diary - and when I looked at my watch it was after FIVE ... actually close to 5.30!! *PANIC*
Since we had to review basic Swedish grammar, learn the entire Greek alphabet and were supposed to be able to actually read sentences in Greek ... for tomorrow morning ... 8 a.m.
I have been studying pretty much ever since then - with a few breaks - and I've retyped my lecture notes, I'm fairly sure I know at least most of the alphabet, I worked through a paper with some sentences we got today (but they were sort of 'cheating', so I'm not sure they should count). I did try to read some words in Greek ... didn't have much success at all. I didn't feel I quite got the pronounciation of the letters today - at least not to the point where I feel I can pronounce three-syllable-words!!

Since today was very confusing and I don't really know how I feel about everything, I can't help but feel rather anxious about tomorrow. I feel like I don't know what to expect at all, if I'm prepared enough, or how things will turn out - and I cope badly with that sort of insecurity. I know there's not much I can do about it now, I just have to make the best of it I can, and hope things work out ... but I do have a hard time relaxing.
Since I probably have to get up before 4 a.m. tomorrow - as I need major diary-time right now - I should think about winding down, if I'm going to get at least a few hours sleep ... but I want to look through some stuff again, before putting the books aside ...

While I'm not feeling the best tonight - certain aspects of today really have been good, so I guess I should try to hang on to them as much as I can, right?! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: God knows ... New Testament Greek Letters perhaps?
Currently watching: I think I did get a glimpse of Stargate SG-1 (season 8) while having dinner.
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: NT-lectures, mentor-meeting, studies, errands ... more studies ...