Surviving The Week From Hell?

Things are not going great now, that's for sure. I'm feeling really down and sad and upset, and I have a week ahead of me that I wouldn't wish on anyone ... I don't really know how I'm supposed to actually go through it, and the fact that I need to actually perform - or the consequences will be severe - makes me feel even worse.

I don't really feel comfortable pouring my heart out in a public blog, so I'm sorry if this is a little bit short, but my week basically looks like this:

Meeting with an Old Testament teacher, introduction to an OT-course where I'm mentor, and where I'm supposed to say "something" in front of the group, an oral exam, a talk with "my professor" that I have no idea how to do, discussion regarding two essays I have hardly given any thought at all, and essay seminar - for the two essays I don't know anything about - an OT-lecture and a regular mentor meeting, cleaning the entire apartment to prepare for my trip, try to find a new bathroom carpet (mine will be replaced while I'm gone), STUDYING (duh!!) plus a number of other errands and things to just "get done".

I'm feeling pretty awful at the moment, and going from complete apathy to outright terror ... and that is not the best type of preparation for a week like this!!
I'm really looking forward to my trip, as I think I'll need it as a way of gathering my composure again, trying to deal with everything that has been going on, that I haven't had time for now, and really try to come to terms with ... everything! Hopefully I can feel better and be ready to take on life again after that!

I know this is a short entry, shorter than I usually keep my blog entries, but I actually don't feel up to writing right now. I have a hard enough time writing in my diary at the moment, and this is a lot harder ... I can't guarantee the updates of next week, considering how it'll be - but at least I promise to make some kind of summary update next weekend, before my trip.

I hope you are all doing well!

(--> My personal blog, Me, Myself and I, has been updated <--)

Crazy And Good Day!

My day feels rather insane actually, even though it's been good - and this afternoon I've been soooo tired!! I really really really should have cleaned my appartment tonight, but there's just No Way!

But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
I debated with myself this morning, which train to take, but I was tired then as well, and decided I could take the later train! Which was in itself late ... I usually accept those things, becuase I know there's nothing I can do about it - no matter how mad I get, the train won't come sooner, but I'm totally starting to loose my patience now. I think the owner-ship of the company changed or something - because there's been some changes made recently ... among other things the fact that the trains are never on time!!
This meant I was kind of late for Uni, I arrived at the Department at about 9.55, the lectures starts at 10.15, and I did have a few things to do before that!! As soon as I arrived I met a guy from the OT-course, and since I'm mentor, I just can't brush people off, but I felt completely stressed out! I made the conversation as short as I could, rushed in and started a pot of coffee. While the coffee was in the making I rushed down to the student union (in the basement *lol*) and borrowed cups and spoons ... rushed back to my coffee and fixed all the stuff for the mentor meeting and stuck it in a bag.
Wehn upstairs to the second level, I had planned to get some copies made for the mentor meeting, but when I got up there, it was 10.12, so ... no!
Instead I went on the lecture, but - and I hate to admit it - didn't pay much attention to what was going on. I had my mind full of mentor-meeting planning, checking the handout I was going to copy and check out an attendance list for the mentor meeting ...
Before I knew it, the teacher called for a break. I suddenly realized that I had made surveys for the students about the mentor meeting - so I quickly gave a yell and handed them out, before rushing out to get my copies done. After that I had to make a run for the coffee and stuff downstaris, but managed to get it all fixed in 10 minutes! *stress*
Second half of the lecture, I was too curious about the surveys to concentrate, I just had to check them out! :) Overall, I don't think I could have done much more than I have about getting people to come ... those who don't show up, just don't seem to want to ... and I can't do anything about that!

The teacher was a little late, and I actually saw my mentor supervisor outside, so that felt a bit embarressing, but I could hardly be blamed for the teacher not sttopping in time ... :)
Anyway, as soon as he was done, I made a call for the mentor meeting and headed out to greet my supervisor ... and tried to see if anybodoy would show up for the meeting! :)
I have to say that while things are not running super-smooth with the whole mentor thing, each meeeting is better than the previous - at least that's the way I feel.
There were five students there today, which is a decent turnout, since they were 2 or 3 last time. I was really nervous about my supervisor being there, but I really did feel like I handled it in a good way. I was able to actually lead the meeting - which is really what I'm there to do, but I have a hard time taking the initiative and actually being the leader. We went through a general discussion and I had my excercise with verbforms, which I think they appreciated! :) In fact, things were going so well, that all of them stayed ... finally my supervisor had to go because she had a seminar, but we actually kept the meeting going for over 1½ hours!!! And I got some positive feedback on the excercise, which feels really great!!

I really wish I had gotten the chance to talk to my supervisor, but she had to rush ... I do hope I'll get an opportunity later in the week though. There are some purely practical issues we need to discuss, and I also would like to hear her constructive thoughts on the meeting, also take up some stuff I have doubts about ...

I didn't get home until it was 3.30, and I have been completely exhausted ... which is SO NOT GOOD!! I do realize the mentor-thing is taking waaaay to much energy now, and I'm really starting to worry about my own exam. I'm thinking about staying home tomorrow, I still need to be 200% focused and getting things done, but it would be nice not having to worry about getting ready and having to watch the clock all day ....
But I'm definitely in for an early night tonight, that's for sure!

Feeling Numb!

It seems like my life is just one big major chaotic mess at the moment, and today I'm mostly feeling numb! I haven't had the energy to go through yesterday properly, and I still need to do a personal run-through of the entire week, because it feels like it's been going on forever!
I'm extremely grateful that I'm generally doing so much better now, because otherwise, this week would have definitely led to a break-down!! It's just been one thing after another after another, and I haven't properly managed to sort out one problem (practical or emotional - or both) before the next one has arrived!

Yesterday was a REALLY intense day! I was very tired so I didn't get to Uni as early as I had intended but I was there a little after 11. I sat outside the student counsellor's office for almost an hour before he came out, by then it was 12 and he was going to lunch! I guess he saw the despair in my eyes though, because he let me in anyway! Which was both good and bad, I think. I felt really stressed out because I knew I was keeping him from getting lunch, and he was actually in a pretty bad mood ... Things are chaotic right now, in general, so I guess I don't blame him, but it's quite uncharacteristic of him, so it was a bit of a surprise.
Things were really complicated, he didn't remember me, and we misunderstood each other all the time, which was a little annoying. What came out of the whole deal was that the teachers had basically messed up when it came to the whole essay-thing, and the best thing I could do was talk to 'my' professor in the Old Testament. Since I had a meeting with him planned for the afternoon, that felt great!

After that I got some reading done in the library and also had a chance to catch up a little with a friend I hadn't seen since before Christmas, very nice!
At 1 o'clock, there was an SI (mentor)-meeting, with all the mentors and our supervisor ... I was a little nervous, since I didn't know what it would be like, but I am proud to say that I handle these things sooooo much better now!
The meeting wasn't great, but it wasn't all that bad either. One thing felt a bit odd though ... we were 5-6 people there (1 of them had something else and he kind of came and went), and 3 (4) of them were mentors for the two "basic" courses we have at the Department, the two courses all students must take first as a sort of introduction. First of all, those courses are a bit different from a lot of other courses, which makes them a bit special, and second, all the mentors there, had been mentors before, so they kind of knew the score and had a bit of experience. Me and the other girl are new mentors, but I still couldn't really relate to her. I know her a little (we've taken Hebrew together), but she's mentor for the Human Rights subject, which is sort of a 'sub-subject' (if you know what I mean) to Theology and Religious Studies, and they have even moved away from our building to someplace else ... so I couldn't quite connect to her either ... meaning that I felt pretty alone in my little Hebrew-thing ...
The basics did work out though, which is the main thing!

As soon as we were done I took a bus to CSN (Student Aid-people), as I had some issues to discuss with them. Waiting again of ocurse - this time about 45 minutes ... and when I got to see someone, the lady was totally rude!! And totally incoherent!! It was really a strain, because I hardly knew what to say in the end! I had one basic question, and she didn't even listen to what I had to say!! She constantly assumed what sounded like a simple solution for her (like, basically, she wouldn't have to do anything) and HELLO, it's like my financial future at stake here?!? I got absolutely NOTHING from that visit, and now I have to go by my own common sense! Not saying that's all bad, but I had at least hoped to get some pointers from someone who actually works there! Very frustrating!

Time to get a bus back to the Department, where I got some coffee and ran through my 'spring-semester 2009'-notes, before heading up to the professor. We had set a meeting to 4 o'clock, but he had told me that if I came in early, I could just check if he was avaliable - I went up there at about 3.30, and that was apparently perfect timing (I think he wanted to get home as quickly as possible too, on a Friday afternoon *lol*)!
First and foremost we discussed the whole chaotic-seminar-thing, which has just become absurd. My professor had to rush off to talk to the New Testament professor, who aparently had checked it out ... but it didn't turn out great anway. What we did decide was that I AM going to follow seminar (and opositions) at the Old- and New Testament seminars, which I wanted, but it sounded like I really should go to these other weird seminars (for professor I don't like) as well ... and that's what doesn't sound great to me. I'll have to think a little about that though - I have a hope that I can email this other professor and explain what's going on, and say that I have a really busy semester now (which I do!!) and hope that it will be enough I follow one seminar group! Fingers crossed?!!

I got home about 5-5.30 and was dead for the entire evening! Had hoped to get a well-earned long, lovely sleep - yeah right! *rolling eyes* I don't sleep very well in general now, and at 3.30 Zorro decided it was morning ... so then I don't get to sleep either! Thank you very much!

Today hasn't started off great because of this, but I'm hoping I can get something out of what's left of today at least! :)

The Utmost Confusion!

I don't think this week will ever end!
At this point I'm more or less staring apathetically out into space, not knowing whether I should laugh or cry!

Today I had the introduction for the courses I will take this semester! I have one essay left from last semester (equalling 1/4 of a semester of full-time studies), I am going to take two 'reading coures' (each for 1/4) and I'm writing one larger essay (½ of a semester of full-time studies). As you can tell, that means I'm doing a bit more than full time studies this semester, but basically I'm interacting these courses with eachother, so I'm constantly studying essay 25%, reading course 25%, reading coures 25% and essay 50%). All of these are in the same subject, which is Old Testament with Hebrew, so I figured I'd find some cool way to interact them, using the same theme for all of them.

Introduction today - and I seriously think the whole Department has gotten MAD! It started already yesterday, with an essay-introduction in different subjects, and the mayhem continued today! I don't have it in me right now to try to translate all the details (for invited friends: more info will come in my personal blog) - but basically it seems like for the larger essay they want me to parttake in one Biblical Studies seminar (which is the 'real one), just as you are supposed to, but also another seminar, led by a professor in Systematic Theology or something like that! They whole thing seems completely INSANE, and the fun - *rolling eyes* - part is that no one knows how to solve this - the student councellors work 24/7 (the nice one does, the other one just seems to get mad at students for not figuring this out - when she doesn't know what's going on herself ... thanks a lot!), and not even the teachers and professors have a clue what's going on!

This means that first of all I got really nervous about how this semester will be, I have MORE than enough to do, studying more than full time AND being a mentor - if I have to take double seminars, I don't know how I'll cope!
It also has implications for tomorrow ... which won't be a fun day!
I have to go into to Uni in the morning, and try to get a hold of the student councellor - I tried emailing him when I got home to actually get a confirmed meeting with him, but he didn't reply, so I guess I'll have to rely on luck tomorrow!
At 1 o'clock I have an SI-leader meeting with our SI-councellor, I don't really know what that means other than we're supposed to sign our contracts, but hopefully that won't be too much, and I can take things pretty easy there.
As soon as that meeting is over I have to rush down to CSN (they close at 3) to yell and be mad at them. I have applied for a dispensation on my student loan, and they sent me the most idiotic letter you can imagine ... so I have to get down there and ask what the Hell they are doing!
After that I have to rush back up to the Department and gather all my thoughts for this semester, hopefully getting some time in the library to check out some literature, and at about 3.30-4 I have a meeting with my professor (he'll be supervising all my courses this semester) and try to work out a more detailed plan for my studies and what I want to do with this semester.
So .... if I'm lucky I'll get home at about 6 p.m. and by then I'll probably be more dead than alive! The only hope I have is that this whole thing about essays and seminars and registrations and whatnot will be solved, because I really do worry about that ....

Major Blog Trouble!

Hey folks!

Sorry to say, I'm currently experiencing some major blog trouble!
The pictures on the Everyday Pictures!-blog seems to be either vanishing or acting very strange, and my Swedish 'Cogito, ergo sum' blog is also acting up, since you can't use RSS feed on it ... *sigh*

I have really tried to limit my blogs now, so that I know I can keep the ones I have active and updated, so I DO want to fix this ...
I am in the process of moving my Pictures Blog now ... and it seems I'm gonna have to "move" (I guess really 'start over') my Cogito-blog as well. There I will just copy the entries over the next few days, as I want to keep my entires (lucky I kept a back-up, right!!), but the Pictures-blog will be "starting over", so some pics will be used again ...

I'm sorry for the inconvenice of this, and I thank you for your patience!
I will be back, when I get the new blog-URL:s up and running!

Cleaning?!

Okay ... so this is what it looks like, going through a major cleaning project?!?!?!?!?!??!
*little sigh*

First of all, apologies for not blogging for a few days ... my mood hasn't been the best, the reason why can pretty much be explained by the picture! I guess I'm a bit too thorough when it comes to it ... so I want to clean everything that I can even think of! Which in effect means, it is NEVER done - and so I'm frustrated!!

I've gotten the kitchen pretty finished now, and have started on the living room ... but it sure is taking forever and more to get everything done, that's for sure. I guess it doesn't help that I've added almost 60 auctions on Tradera (*~*click click *~*) during cleaning ... I've been sorting through my Buffy/Angel and Mary-Kate & Ashely Olsen clippings ... *yikes* I think I added about 300-350 pages on Tradera .... and that took some doing ... they don't seem to be that popular, but there are still at least a week left of the auctions, so fingers crossed, right?! :)

Today I'm having the worse day, where every single thing seem to be going wrong ... I really hate those days. I don't think I should get started on it, because I'm guessing you're not looking forward to me constantly complaining about absolutely everything - I'll just go so far as to say my mood is HORRIBLE ... and leave it at that!

Still, I though I should make a blog entry to let you know I'm still alive ...
Take care

Stupid Superficial Problems!

I've had a really terrible day today, and while I realize that it's all small stupid superficial problems that shouldn't bother nobody at all - my mood has gone downhill from minute one ....
So here's me using my right as the owner of this blog to whine about unimportant problems: Thank You! (you have been warned! )

We're going through a major heat wave here - and I hate it!! I know there are lots and lots of places in the world with far greater temperatures, and all I can say is I admire people who can live there and not go completely insane. I've had over 30 degrees (~86 F) inside today, and I can't stand it!!! I'm sitting in my couch staring out into nothing and not moving a muscle - except the occasional blink, which, for the record, I cannot control! - and I'm sweating like a big, fat pig!! Also, experiencing some serious breathing difficulties today - not fun!!

I know I have to study 24/7 now, if I'm going to get through these last few days, but this morning I simply HAD to spent going over yesterday and everything connected to that - including diary, photos, blogging etc.
And after that it was lunch time and the heat had really set. And there's not a chance in HELL (haha, very funny, I feel like I'm there already!!) I'm sitting translating Hebrew verb forms when I can't even breath! But God only knows how this will end!
More than anything, after last night's lovely celebration, I want to do well on my oral exam - but I'm not sure how I'm gonna manage that if I can't even study!!

Also some annoying personal stuff has come up - and things turned into a great big mess when my Dad and I tried to work out how to shift cars, and book tickets and it was just ... something SO simple - one train ticket, one bus ticket, that's it - use the cheapest option that works in time - turned into something extremely complicated ... which didn't help my breathing abilities, nor the heat-induced headache I've been having for company all day ....

I still feel terrible about having such a disagreement with Zorro last night, and yet I can't help but feel so annoyed with him I could just go on screaming on top of my lungs for hours and hours and hours .... which is pretty much all he's doing these days ... I really wander what our neighbours thinks about us ....

Okay, this is me officially complaining like an idiot about unimportant stupid little problems! Deal with it - I am!
And keep your fingers crossed I'll have a better day tomorrow!!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Nothing - it's too hot!
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies at Uni, supporting my fellow Hebrew students who take their final exam, meeting a friend in Malmö

Kind of Mad!

Today has been a very up-and-down day ... so I'm not quite sure how I feel - but I am mad! (Details will follow)

Old Testament lecture this morning, as usual. Nothing special happened there, so there's not much to elaborate on. At 10 I went to the library, trying to work on the Biblical Interpretation Final Paper. It was ever so slow, but at least I managed to get something done! Also met a few nice people (mostly from the course) to talk to!

We had the seminar at 1, and I think it worked a bit better this time, I felt the discussions going on were more rewarding, and I got some hints and ideas on what to look for when I complete my paper!
We gathered when it was about 20 minutes left, and there came the sorce of my madness. I really like this professor, he's very nice and helpful and friendly ... but he tends to be over-ambitious!! When we got the instructions for this paper it was quite a lot to do - mostly reflecting on your own person and background and how and why you choose to interpret the text as you do, but also a lot of litterature to take into account! However, the page limit was 6 pages, no more. I can understand a page limit, it's there for a good reason, but it felt difficult to be able to cover everything in 6 pages. And since then, he's added more and more and more and more stuff we're supposed to do!!! And that totally upsets me! You should without a doubt give all the instructions at the same time!!!!!!! I certainly appreciate help and advice later on, on how you should proceed with your work, but you should not include new assignments one time after another. This time we got some major questions - like "What is text?", "What status to do you give your text?", "What is the text's context in your perspective of interpretation?" (yes, these are direct translations - he actually talks that way!!) Gee, having such a discussion could easily cover a few pages!!
I really do understand that he wants to limit us, otherwise this paper can turn into something huge, but you must make it reasonable!! If we are to have a decent discussion about everything he says we should include, there is no way possible to limit it to six pages - it's impossible! And how do you know what to leave out, when the professor actually tells you to do it?!!?
*frustration big time*

Sorry about my little outburst, but this has really bothered me all day!! I really like this course, it fits me perfectly, it's interesting and demanding, and I've learned a lot about myself as a person, and how I tend to look at things and interpret things (and not only Biblical texts!), and that is going to be a great help in the future - but to handle an assignment in this way is not good!

One nice thing about Biblical Interpretation is that we decided to have a picnic after the last lecture, which is next Wednesday! :) A bit ironic though - I'm going to three "end-of-semester-celebrations" now, one for Biblical Interpretation, one with some friends (a bit more 'private'), and one for Old Testament (the professor is retiring, so we're his last group, and he decided to invite us to a buffé to celebrate the end of the semester and the end of teaching for him!) - but none of them take place after I'm actually done with this semester!!!
Biblical Interpretation is on Wednesday, my friends are I are 'celebrating' on May 28th and the Old Testament-group will have their get-together on June 2nd ... and my final exam isn't until June 12th! *lol*
Still, I have done SO well this semester, I have every cause to celebrate, even though I'm not done with everything! :)

Otherwise, not much to report! I should have prepared about 20 Bible verses for Old Testament tomorrow, but they were quite difficult and I'm totally exhausted now, so I'm gonna get to bed. Hopefully I can get up early tomorrow, catch an early train, and get some studying done at Uni before lectures (if I leave here at about 6.30, I can be at the Deparment around 7.25, which should at least give me a solid half hour for studies!
Good night!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Biblical Interpreation stuff
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 1
Currently listening to: Les Misérables - Danish recording
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lectures, studying at Uni, studying at home and oh, yeah - STUDYING!