9 months. Loved Always. Missed Forever.

I can't quite grasp the fact that it's been nine months since I said goodbye to Zorro and walked out of the pet clinic alone ... I know they say grieving takes time, and I am living through that now, but I am amazed at how crystal clear all my thoughts and memories of Zorro are.
I'm not complaining, quite the opposite!! Right after he died I was SO scared that the memory of him would eventually fade away, and I am realizing that is not the case.
But sometimes I'm almost frightened at how intense the memories are ... mostly when I go to bed at night. Since I got back home after the summer I haven't been sleeping well, and every night when I turn the lights out, no matter how tired I am, I am thrown into some virtual reality or a huge 360 degrees movie theatre where I'm seeing Zorro ... and not just seeing him, I can see every detail of his fur, I can see his teeth, I see the black little spot he had in his eye and the green insurance marker they stapled his ear with. I can hear him in surround sound, and I feel his body against mine, I feel his soft fur on my hands, I feel his tongue licking my face, I feel his paws on my shoulders when we were hugging.

It is difficult to deal with the grief when the memories of Zorro are still so vivid and alive - and yet, like I said, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I always knew we had a strong bond between us. Already when my Mum had both Zorro and his brother Zimba, I always got along better with Zorro, for some reason. And the bond between us has only grown stronger and stronger over the 10½ years we got together. I knew we had something special between us, and I think I tried to value the time we had and tried not to waste it - but it's just now, after he's passed away, that I'm realizing just how strong the bond between us was.
We always had each other, and in a way we were quite alike. I am a very private person, and while I have become more outgoing lately, there are certain things I cannot share with ANYONE ... but in a way I shared them with Zorro (of course, I didn't outright talk to him about them but we still shared them in a way). And Zorro was very social and outgoing and loved having people around him ... but he never relaxed in anyone's lap but mine, and he never ever purred with anyone except with me.
So when it was rough for one, or both, of us, we had this; "It's us against the world"-thing, and I don't think I quite realized that until after he was gone ...

While the grief sometimes is knocking me to my knees (both figuratively and literally speaking!), I still hope the memory of Zorro will always be as alive and as clear in my mind as it is right now. I feel like I owe him that.

R.I.P. My Love.
Zorro - 5 July 1997 ~ 15 November 2010
Loved Always.
Missed Forever.

Summer 2011

Finally it's time for a general update on the summer of 2011, so I can get started on this autumn later on.

Like I said in my previous entry, I have to say that overall this summer has been a really good one! There are a number of reasons for that, I think, but as they are very personal both to me and to people close to me, I won't say anymore. After all, the important thing is that the summer has been pretty good.

The most difficult part has of course been coping with the first summer without Zorro! As I wrote here earlier, the first time I got to the summerhouse without him I basically collapsed, and it has been a lot of more difficult to handle than I had expected.

Even though it was quite an ordeal for Zorro to travel to the summerhouse, I think he really liked it there, and he came to really fit in there. It was wonderful seeing him being able to be outside (as I only have a small balcony where I live) and even though I had him on a leash, it was really long so he could move around a lot!

I also at times feel very much alone when I am visiting my Dad's family. After all, they are a family and while they are all for including me, fact is: I'm not a part of their family, not in that "intimate" way anyway. And I really don't want to be either, to be honest ... I want to be able to visit them and spend time with them and enjoy their company, but I am a grown woman and at the moment, I am my own family. Earlier, Zorro was my family. It was him and me, and when things got really intense we always had each other, at nights and early in the mornings, we could really spend quality time together - and now I have had to deal with the intensity all on my own ...

It has been great spending time with my sisters again - they grow a lot and I have to say that it feels good to see them play well together. That does take a bit of the pressure off their big sister (LOL!) and it's great that they have such a good relationship. Sure, they argue at times and then it can get pretty bad, but mostly, they get on great together - and they grow SO fast!!

Finishing off with a few photos from the summer.

First some nature photos:



And some of my gorgeous sisters:




One day we went to a rather large zoo, which was a lot of fun and we got to see some beautiful animals.





The girls got to go pony riding and that was a BIG HIT, let me tell you! Don't they look great?

Sad Day ...

5 July 1997 ~ 5 July 2011
This would have been Zorro's 14th birthday.

My thoughts have been with Zorro all day today, and I still feel very sad and very upset that I've lost him. I know it was a long time ago, and I know that I'm coping with my life, but as soon as I allow myself to think about him, I get all torn up inside. I still, after all this time, can't grasp the fact that I'll never ever see him again, that I'll never be able to touch him, to hold him, to hear him ...

I figured, before this happened, that I'd be devastated once I had to get used to life without Zorro - after all, I did have time to "get used to" the idea, as Zorro was quite old when he died. But not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined how difficult it would be!!
I don't think it took me very long to realize and accept Zorro's death - but I still haven't been able to realize and accept my life without him ... there is actually a great difference between the two ...

As I was going through my digital photos today, I was sad to see there are hardly any photos of me and Zorro together! :( I know my Mum took some photos about 7 years ago, but that was before I had a digital camera so I don't have those pictures in the computer ... apart from that there are very few photos actually ... and most of the ones I have are pictures of me and Zorro with my Dad and his family, where all of us are standing together - so I basically have to crop the photos a lot to get just me and Zorro! :(
I'll share pretty much all of these photos I have (I think there might be one or two more, but I'm not sure ...).

The Flying Doctors

Those of you who have know me quite a long time know that some ten to fifteen years ago I was totally, and I mean TOTALLY, into the Australian TV show "The Flying Doctors". For a number of years I ran a fairly successful website about the show, and I even met one of the actors, Christopher Stollery in 2001!
As time went by, my interest sort of cooled off a little. I still think it's an amazing TV show, but I'm quite as hooked on it as I was back then.

When I received the Honorary Diploma for extraordinary achievements within SI my Mum decided to give me the entire Flying Doctors DVD Set, containing all 9 seasons!!!! Such an amazing gift!!!!!
I've watched the first two seasons so far, and I'm quickly realizing why I was so taken by this show earlier! I'm actually even thinking of bringing my old website back to life again, although that will be a long term project, and I'm not giving any guarantees at all!!

Big Girls!

Not having seen my little sisters since early February it was quite a surprise to see how grown up they are ... time sure flies by fast!!

M is almost 7 years old now, it's hard to realize! I still remember getting to hold her in the hospital when she was 27 hours old!! Incredible!
She's gone to "school" for a year now (I think it's something in between the "real" school and pre-school that Swedish 6-year-olds can attend, and I think that has made her grow up a lot. The way she moves and talks is quite different and she is really intelligent! She reads children's books fluently now, and it's not uncommon that she crawls up in a bed or a couch and reads to her little sister - so adorable! :)

I is 4½ years old now, and that's also hard to take in. She's been the "baby" for so long, I am constantly amazed by the fact that she is a very bright and beautiful little girl now! She looks up to her little sister a lot and she's starting to read as well now! Now very long words and still only upper case letters, but I still think that's pretty impressive for a 4½-year-old!! Also, if you give her a word, say up to six or seven letters long, she can spell it out for you!

They really play well together now, which is lovely to see. Of course, they don't always get a long and sometimes they argue quite a lot, but for the most time they are best friends and stick together - and with them playing so well together it takes some of the pressure off me! :) They still very much want me to be with them, but they accept that I sometimes have to do other things as they can always play with each other!

Some photos of the "Big Girls"! :)

Back Home Again!

After about two weeks in the summerhouse, I'm back home for a few weeks now - then I'm going back again! :-)

It's been intense times, so I'm fairly tired now, today has been a very slack day indeed, but I'm feeling a bit better now, so I'm hoping to get stuck into a lot of things tomorrow.

I spent about a week in the summerhouse by myself first, and it was actually a very difficult time for me. It was the first time I was there since Zorro passed away and I was instantly moved back to November again. I don't think I've ever been in the summerhouse without him since around 2002, and it was more difficult than I could have imagined. We had deliberately planned it so I would be out there by myself first, and I think that was a good decision, I could never have coped to be there with my Dad and his whole family straight away.

I tried to keep busy by working outside, but the weather wasn't exactly co-operating with me as it rained heavily almost the entire time ... I did get a bit of work done but I was also left thinking a lot inside ... not that I think that's a bad thing, I think I really needed it - but I won't deny I felt pretty awful.

My Dad and his family came out to the summerhouse the day before Midsummer and it was great seeing them all again, of course. The girls have grown SO much (but then again, I hadn't seen them since February!), and they are wonderful to be around, even though I sometimes find it a bit difficult to adapt to the intensity it brings being around an entire family like that.

On Midsummer's Day I took a train to visit my Mum, and it was wonderful to see her again. We had a lot of catching up to do as she's had some problems with her phone lately, so we haven't been able to talk to each other much for a while. I went back to the summerhouse on Sunday evening, and spent the coming three days there with Dad and the rest of the "gang".

We went to "town" (where they live) on Wednesday afternoon and early yesterday morning, I went home. It was quite a long trip, I think mostly because I was completely exhausted. It felt really wonderful when I arrived home, but I was SO tired!

Unfortunately I didn't sleep very well tonight, so I've been very tired today as well, and I haven't really gotten a lot of things done, mostly little things. Still, I think it's understandable after the intense times that have been.
I am trying to accomplish a lot of changes in my life at the moment, and I know I can't work at that 100% when I'm not in my usual environment but now I'm getting a few weeks here so starting tomorrow I will try to get stuck into that!

Sharing some photos from the summerhouse - and I have a few more blog entries to go through, not sure if I'll have the energy tonight but otherwise they'll be here tomorrow!

10 Year Anniversary!

Yes, yesterday was a bit of an anniversary for me, as it was 10 years ago I moved to southern Sweden! (Skåne) I basically felt a bit like I needed to break free, to start standing on my own two feet (better late than never?) and on top of that I wanted to start studying Theology, and the two major cities to do that then was Lund and Uppsala - so it was Lund.

Apparently things didn't go too well at the beginning, and after about six months here I ended up on sick leave - for four years!! Still, no matter how difficult it was, I never even contemplated moving back ... I think something has always told me this was the place where I am supposed to be, and now, ten years later, I'm certain of that!! I really really feel good here, I feel I have found my place and even though things aren't always perfect (duh!) I really don't want to leave here unless I have to! :)

I took a 2 hour walk yesterday even to try to think a few things through, as there is a lot of things going on now, and some things aren't working out so great - and after that walk, and a lot of thinking and personal writing this morning, I think I do feel a little better. And I have to share some photos from my walk - I just love living my the ocean! :-)





This week is REALLY intense, I have to finish a report on my master's thesis by Wednesday, as I have a meeting with the professor on Thursday, and early Friday morning I go to the summerhouse. First stay will be about two weeks, then I'll go back here for a while, before going back there again. So I also have to clean my apartment, do laundry, book tickets, go to the Bank - and then some ...
I guess I'd better get on with it thought, right? :)
I hope I can make a few more entries here before I leave, because then I'll be basically without internet access for two weeks ...

11 years!

Today is a bit of a sad day for me.
Exactly 11 years ago, Zorro came to live with me, and of course I think about him a lot!! My Mum had gotten both Zimba and Zorro but after she moved and the cats were let out on a netted porch, things started to go badly ... I have always suspected that Zorro had an over-production of some hormone, like adrenaline or testosterone, because he tended to be a bit more hyper than was really normal.
This showed itself for example by the fact that he couldn't be around other cats (except for his brother, Zimba) ... he went really crazy when he saw another cat. And when they were out on the porch and another cat would come by, Zorro obviously couldn't get at the 'intruder', so he lashed out at the one he could get at: Zimba. The fights turned really nasty and we decided I would take Zorro and Mum would keep Zimba - and in retrospect, I think it was the best thing we could have done, for all four of us!
I actually "bought" Zorro from my Mum, she got four Swedish Crowns for him, one Crown for each paw! :-) And he moved in with me on June 9, 2000 ...

I remember being really scared he wouldn't adapt properly and that he'd feel neglected, so I basically spent the first couple of days carrying him around in my arms! Zorro and I had gotten along better than Zimba and I did, even when my Mum had them both, but I think Zorro and I really truly bonded during those days - after that he always wanted to be in my lap, he was usually laying on my arm like an infant! :-)7

I miss him so much! Every time I think of him, every time I see him in my head, feel his soft fur or wet nose, every time I hear him, it's like someone ran a knife through my heart. It's been nearly seven months now, and while I know that a lot can happen and that "time heals all wounds" and whatnot, I find it very difficult to see myself ever getting another cat. I'm not saying I'll never have animals again, but I can't see it being a cat ever again!

I think Zorro will always be THE Cat for me ...
I Will Always Love You.

Happy Birthday Grandmother!

I would like to dedicate this blog entry to my Grandmother (Dad's side), who would have turned 100 years old today!

She was indeed a fantastic lady, who made the most out of a difficult life! She passed away after many many years of illness and injuries in 1995, but she gathered a lovely family around her and she lived to see four children, ten grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.
I think what I remember most about her is her genuine and complete kindness in everything. She always put everyone else before herself and always wanted to do what was best for everyone, I don't think she ever had a selfish thought in her.
When I was really little, she used to come out to us in the summerhouse (she didn't live very far from there) with her little car completely stacked with bread and she filled up our freezer! When I was about 5 or 6 I guess, we had gotten a little guest house and I had a blast when my grandmother used to come and she and I stayed in the guest house over night, while my Mum and Dad slept in the big house! :-) She used to bring candy, and we'd stay up really late ... eating candy AFTER having brushed our teeth! (A five-year-old's rebellious dream, right? LOL).

When I got older, like ten or something, I would take the bus from our home-town to my grandmother, who lived about one hour away - that was a big adventure for me! :-) My parents put me on the bus, and she'd come and get me, and I felt SO grown-up, having gone there all by myself!

I still miss her so much, even though it's been ... oh my God, it's been 16 years since she passed away!! I wish she knows how deeply appreciated and loved she was by everyone. I know we have a tendency to not express that clearly, and I know I didn't (I guess I could say I was "too young", even though I don't think that's really an excuse) - and I just wish she knows.

You are very loved and missed Grandmother!

Two Better Days ...

Thankfully the last two days have been better! :)

Even though I got a bit of a late start yesterday, I got to Lund and ordered some books at the library and then got some studying done. I was supposed to get some computer work done as well, which didn't really work out - but I ended up talking to a few really nice people and that's always nice! :)

Today hasn't been that productive, although I have gotten a few things done I have been meaning to do for a while. I have spent a lot of time thinking though, which I think is really good.
I sometimes need to really stop and think and find thinking patterns that will help me achieve what I want and need in my life - and I needed such a session today! So even though I do feel a little "guilty" about not doing more than I have, I still think I had a pretty good day.

Tomorrow will be a pretty busy day - I'll have to collect two books from the University Library, then spend some time at the Department and then I have a whole bunch of errands to run ... It will be quite a busy (long) weekend, so I have to prepare for that as best I can as well!

Sunday Evening

Oh wow, another week has gone! Time sure flies these days ...

This week was mostly dominated by Old Testament seminars for me. I went to one B.A. Essay seminar Tuesday morning and went through 11 interpretation seminars on the OT course! :) The intensity of those days is immense, but at the same time very very rewarding! Still, I think everyone was tired when we were done on Thursday afternoon! :)

I have to say I felt really sad to see this OT group go (all they have left is a written exam on Tuesday). I have grown attached to all the groups when I've been mentor but for some reason I seem to have bonded a bit more with this group as a whole group ... I think it might because I have actually managed to be at every lecture and seminar this group has had on the second part (i.e. since March 28) ... cool! :) (Though my mentor supervisor will probably be upset as she keeps telling I'm not required to attend lectures so much as she's sure it will affect my own studies *lol*)
Since I've become such an integrated part of this group I think it becomes clearer that this semester is actually over now ... well, basically anyway! I still have a lot of work to do on my master's thesis, and I have a meeting scheduled with the professor on June 16, so I guess I can't say it's "summer holidays" just yet ....

I took Friday off, I was quite exhausted and felt I needed a day off. The weekend hasn't been great though. Yesterday was okay I guess, I managed to get a few things done that needed doing - but I didn't feel well in the evening, and by the time I got to bed, all my thoughts were with Zorro. I get this horrible grief attacks, still, where I basically can't do anything at all, I just feel like I'm going to break down completely!
I didn't get any sleep at all (I dozed in front of the TV for an hour or so), and the thoughts have stayed throughout the day, combined with a lot of other things that at the moment is feeling quite complicated. I have run into some problems with my thesis now, and I don't quite know how to sort that out - this week is really short since Thursday is a holiday and I'm not sure how I will be able to deal with everything ... And I have a few other things that I basically have to fit into this week as well.

What has been most difficult today though, has been Zorro. Once I get into these thoughts and emotions, I can't seem to let go! I try everything (at least everything I can think of), I try to really allow myself to think about him and deal with the grief, but I can't do that forever either, and all that happens is that I feel worse and worse - and then I try to do things, get things done, partly in order to break my thought pattern, but also because I really need things to be done - but I just keep seeing and hearing and feeling Zorro, and I get nothing done ...





I dread the night to come, considering last night and how I've been feeling all day today - and I know I simply have to have an active day tomorrow ...

One Week ... Really?

I can't believe all that's happened in just one week ... it feels like it would have been a month, at least. Still, most of it (almost all of it!) has been absolutely fantastic and totally outstanding, so I really feel I would like to go through the entire week here! :)
I'll give credit to those of you who are able to read through all of it, because I have a feeling this will be the longest blog entry I've ever made! LOL! :)

Sunday, May 15

This was a really difficult day for me! It was 6 months to the day since Zorro past away, and I still have difficulties dealing with that, especially during those days, when I tend to think of him more often and more intensely. I had a lot of things to deal with from the previous week as well, so I guess I didn't get anything productive done at all during Sunday, although I need times for thinking, reflecting and personal writing ...
Most things in my life are turning out fantastic now, but I can't help feeling I would have liked to share that with Zorro - because I know he could tell whether I was feeling good or bad. Lots of thoughts regarding Zorro, but I won't get into that now, I might save it for another entry later on.
Here are some old photos of Zorro I found when I was looking through my computer:




Monday

Monday was study day full stop!! I had to hand in a report to the OT professor "during Monday night" on my progress on the master's essay. Needless to say I stressed like an idiot the entire day and felt unprepared to the max.

In my defence, I did have a bit of materials to use, but naturally I hadn't started putting the report together ... and I started with that around lunch time! *oops* I realized I had to get some print-outs, and my printer at home is not really working, so I made the quite possible shortest visit to Uni ever! :) I arrived at the library at 12.50, grabbed a computer and got my print-outs, and was out of there again at 1.03! LOL!

I didn't do anything except wrote, wrote and wrote the entire day, and by about 10 p.m. I had almost 8 pages ... Let's just say I don't think I did a great job proof-reading the thing, but at least I sent it in!

Tuesday

Tuesday was an extremely intense day for me ...
We had lectures at 10 with the OT group, and they were having a seminary discussion on a book by W. Brueggemann (Unsettling God). I had really hoped to be able to read through it really quick before the seminar, but there was (obviously!) no chance of that!
I still got a bit out of the seminary discussion and it was quite interesting. I'm happy to see a course such as this, where there is a clear focus on the language, it's possible to do these kinds of things as well.
After the lecture I ended up in the library assisting some of the students with different things regarding the interpretation they were writing.

Once I got to sit down on my own, the anxiety about the SI-ceremony that afternoon hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't experienced that heavy anxiety in probably several years, and I was really feeling awful. Still, I knew there was no way out of this, and I had no choice but try to do the best I could with it. I was unsure of basically everything: I didn't know how the ceremony would be, I didn't know what would be expected of me (even though I had been assured I would not have to give a 'thank you speech' - which I was more than grateful for!!), and I wasn't even 100% sure of where the ceremony would take place (it was on another University Department, where I've only been a few times, a couple of years ago) ...
I ended up talking a little to my SI supervisor, as I was sitting just outside her room, and eventually we agreed we would walk to the ceremony together, and that helped my anxiety a lot! Just know I would go with someone I knew, wouldn't have to worry about finding the right place etc. helped me a great deal!

We met at 3 o'clock and walked together to the ceremony, and when we entered the auditorium my supervisor exchanged a few words with the man in charge of the whole thing, and she also introduced me. We took our seats and the ceremony started with a few introductory speeches, among those who came was Sven Strömqvist, who is Lund University's Assistant Vice-Chancellor!! After that we heard speeches relating SI (Supplemental Instruction) to not only Universities but also senior high school/college and also how you can use it when you go out to work in the world outside University - and we also heard a speech from two students who have worked within SI and had the opportunity to go to America to attend an SI conference.

After the speeches, it was time for the handing out of Diplomas, and first up were the Honorary Diplomas, which apparently was given to me and three other students. I had no idea how they wanted to do this, and when they said it would be done alphabetically I basically panicked - but I was so lucky, as there was one girl who came before me!! (Not often that happens.)
So anyway ...
We were called down in front of everyone, and got to listen to the nomination text that our supervisors had written when nominating us, and then we got our Diploma and a little present.
And I have to admit, I am proud of the fact that I went through with it, because this was a really big deal for me! The auditorium was in no way crowded, but there were enough people for me to feel really really anxious! But I did it! :)
It was a great relief to be able to get back to my seat and realize that most of it was over for my part, that's for sure.
After the Honorary Diplomas and been handed out, all the mentors who were quitting were given diplomas as well - but a lot of people who had said they'd come didn't show up, so things became a little bit awkward ...

There were snacks and drinks prepared afterwards, but first they wanted everyone who had gotten a diploma to gather near the entrance and we were photographed - and after that we were able to get snacks and talk to the others. Since I was completely shaky after the almost extreme tenseness I found it difficult to talk and be friendly, and I didn't stay long.
But it still felt amazing to have gone through with that day, that's for sure! :)

Wednesday

On Wednesday I had a meeting with the OT professor to discuss the report ... and since I emailed it so late on Monday night and my mind was somewhere else entirely on Tuesday I felt I needed to prepare for the meeting quite a lot. I went to Uni fairly early and printed my report and went over it, quite a number of times. I also met a lot of the OT students working on their interpretations and I also talked a little with my SI supervisor before heading up the professor on the third floor.

The talk we had went really well actually. We started talking "generally" when he suddenly interrupted our conversation, and realized he'd forgotten to congratulate me to the Honorary Diploma!! I didn't even know he knew, and SI feels a little bit like it's own "department" within the University, so I was quite surprised. He ended up giving me SO many lovely comments and compliments I was completely and utterly embarrassed!! I think the peak was when he told me how he had met Sven Strömqvist (the Assistant Vice-Chancellor who attended the SI-ceremony) at a conference earlier during Tuesday morning, and how proud he (the OT professor) had been to tell the Vice-Chancellor that one of his students was one of the recipients of the Honorary Diploma! *yikes!!*
I was (and am!!) SO flattered, but I really don't know what to do with myself when things like that come up, I have no idea what to say and I mostly feel really embarrassed!

We moved on to actually discussing my thesis as well, of course, and I think it was quite a rewarding chat. Most of the energy was done trying to decide what way I'm going to take right now, and that wasn't as easy as it sounds, actually. We had a good discussion, I felt I was able to step up a bit more than I have before, when I have mostly felt I've 'had to' just accept what he says as he knows so much more than me. This time I felt I could question what he said, and really get to the bottom of what was discussed, and that felt really good.
The outcome basically was to go into a few more scholars and their view on the objective I've set for my thesis - and also to get down to the Hebrew text and really start working on the relevant (some of them!) passages there ...

The meeting felt really good, from all kinds of angles, so I was in a really good mood when I was done - and I also met the teacher on the first part of the OT course, so we had a little chat, which was really nice! :)

Thursday

Thursday was actually sort of slow, as I didn't even have to get to Uni!! I did find out that my Mum would come for a short visit over the weekend, which was such a happy surprise!!! We have been talking about her coming here for a while, but it hasn't really been anything decided and she's been really busy and tired, and I've been really busy and tired. Now she found out that a co-worker and her husband was going to Helsingborg for the weekend, and my Mum could go with them, arriving on Friday night and leaving again Sunday afternoon!

I was really happy to hear that, and tried to get the apartment decent looking during Thursday (things like cleaning and such had been neglected earlier in the week, for obvious reasons!), but I was SO tired, I didn't get as much done as I had planned!

Friday

Friday was extremely intense!!!!
I was up at about 5 a.m. and started cleaning ... started doing laundry at 6 and was finished with everything in the apartment around 11. Took a shower and headed for Lund at 12, and had the final 'lecture' at 1. This was basically a summary discussion of the course, at first there was a general discussion and after that Elisabet and I had some SI evaluations to hand out, and the teacher would hand out the general evaluations as well.
We had a really good and constructive discussion regarding the course, the literature etc. when suddenly there was a knock on the door, and our SI-supervisor was there, asking if she could see me for a minute.
It felt a bit silly to just walk out (especially since the tables were arranged in a way that made me walk around the entire room to get out!), but when I got out it turned out that the evaluations we had been given to hand out to the students were 'out-of-date', new ones had just come, so I got them instead.
When I came back into the room, it was completely silent, which felt really strange. And suddenly, when I'm in front of the entire class, the teacher says: "Well, Jessica, now you have to tell us all about what it was like on the ceremony on Tuesday!"
And I more or less wished I could have fell through the floor ... I am genuinely and extremely grateful to have been given this, but I DO NOT like to stand in the centre of attention like that. I think I mostly stuttered something, I knew that some of the students knew I had been given it but not all of them ... and once I'd said something, probably completely incoherent, I got an applause from the entire class! *embarrassed again*

We handed out the evaluations and at 6 p.m. the teacher had a little party at her place for all the students, and the students on another OT course, as well as some other OT-people (both OT post-graduate students - one of them is the one teaching the first half of the OT course - and the OT professor) - and she asked me and Elisabet to help her out fixing food and such!
She had to pick up her children from school first, so Elisabet and I ended up in the library for a while, before meeting the OT teacher and her kids! :)

It was really nice to be able to help her out a little, she's a great lady and such a role model for I think most of the students she comes in contact with - and she's always been fantastic to deal with when it comes to SI, she's really interested and tries to help out as much as she can - and I think it's great to be able to do something outside the Department as well.

We ended up chopping and mixing and such for a few hours before the others showed up - and we had a great time. I really totally and completely feel like I have found my place here, and every time something like this happens, I feel it even more!
With the background I have, it's just beyond description to feel like I fit in so perfectly here ... I feel safe and secure and comfortable, even in situations that before would be extremely anxious, and I feel like people around me like me! Getting that kind of continual acknowledgement, constantly verifying that I do fit in and that people do like me - it's just such an AMAZING feeling!!

I was going to pick up my Mum in Helsingborg, so I had checked and had to leave the party about 20 to 8, in order to get to the train station in Lund and from there to Helsingborg. And that's another thing that is so fantastic about being where I am. Yes, I admit, I would have liked to stay longer, we had a great time, there were funny and interesting conversations, and while I'm not a social butterfly, I am NOT completely quite and tries to be invisible! But I feel SO comfortable in this situation, and so sure of myself and the fact that I will experience this again, that it is okay to leave a little early.
I am a little upset, because when I was getting myself ready a lot of others were starting to prepare to leave as well, and I felt the good-bye to the hostess became very quite and short ... but I'll be seeing her again next week, so I hope I can say a proper thank you then.
Just as I was leaving it turned out two other students had to get to trains/buses at the railway station, and one of the postgraduate students where going that way in her car, so I got a lift as well! :) Really kind!

When I got to the station my Mum called, she had already arrived in Helsingborg, but had to wait for me there ... but I don't think I've ever been so impatient during the train ride before! :) I just wanted to get there QUICK - and meeting my Mum was just FANTASTIC! It was quite a while since we saw each other, especially here! I was visiting my families when the bathroom renovation was going on, but didn't get that much time with my Mum - and during Christmas holidays she was sick a lot ... before that, yeah, she came down here for a quick visit just after Zorro had passed away, but that wasn't exactly a joyride ...

We took the bus home and spent some time talking - I didn't go to sleep until about 1.30 a.m. - so I'd been up and about and active and constantly doing things for about 21 hours! *yikes*

The Weekend

If you've managed to get this far in this extremely long blog entry, I admire you, and I will try to not be too detailed now. My Mum and I have enjoyed ourselves during the weekend, talked a lot, done a few outings and watched a few movies and mostly just enjoyed each other's company! :)
I went with her to Helsingborg this afternoon where she met her co-worker and her husband, and I just now heard she'd gotten home safe and sound!

Pheeeew!
Some week,huh?
But SO much of it has been SO fantastic, and I can hardly believe it myself ...
I have a busy week ahead again, but I hope to have some kind of energy when I get home every afternoon to keep the blog up to date, so I don't have to make another really long entry next weekend! :)
And credit to those of you who have made it to the end of this entry! LOL!