Sunday, 30 September 2007

A Great Evening!

Despite pretty terrible weather, yesterday evening was really really nice!

I went to see Sara first, we had a lovely meal and a few glasses of wine - and a lot of laughter ... as always! :)
After a few hours we went over to Johanna and Per and it was great to see them. Their appartment was really nice, and it was wonderful to meet their little kitten, Assar! Totally adorable!! As I'm used to seeing Zorro, I thought Assar so tiny, but Sara assured me he had in fact grown a lot! ;)

I had a really nice time yesteday evening but I have come to notice that I'm still having a little trouble being together with lots of people at the same time. Make no mistake, I'm completely happy with my own personal development, and I'm actually amazed that I have come to be in a situation where I'm even invited to gatherings and parties (because that has not always been so, that's for sure), but I can be more relaxed if I'm only meeting a few people at a time. When there are a lot of people (yesterday we were about 10), I have a hard time focusing and being part of a conversation, probably because I am a bit nervous ... Still, I know that not very long ago, I could hardly keep up a conversation with one person, so I'm confident I will get better and better and being in larger groups as well.

As has happened before, the train escaped us when we were going home (I had the company of another friend who was going south as well). We were a little late from Johanna, ended up running the last bit of the way to the station (and I have absolutely no condition to speak of whatsoever - am almost seriously considering not eating at all for a month or two, or five or ten - just in order to loose some weight!). Anyway, by the time we made the station, we saw the tail lights of the train as it was leaving! *typical*
But for once we actually were lucky after all! My friend noticed another train departing in about five minutes that would take her home, but it didn't go to my hometown ... although I found out I had a bus leaving in less than ten minutes that would take me only a short walk from home. So the whole thing ended well, after all!

Today I have been completely out of it!! Zorro was kind of excited when I got home (a little while after midnight), he finds it a bit difficult to handle that I'm gone during the night, so he was more or less running wild, and I had a hard time winding down to. I eventually became tired - but Zorro had apparently been sleeping all day, because he kept on going until 4 a.m. - *YAWN!* Therefore, I haven't had the energy to do much at all today, but I guess we all need those kinds of days as well.

All in all, yesterday was a great evening!! I realized that I have come a long way in regards to social interaction, I was able to handle things yesterday a lot better than I think I would have only six months ago, but I also realized that I still have work to do on getting better at it.
So yesterday was not only a fun night out with friends, it was also quite educational! *lol*

Take care, guys!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Facklorna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Mostly studies, maybe some little 'outing'

Saturday, 29 September 2007

A Great Trip!

Sorry about not writing here yesterday - for some reason I was completely exhausted last night, and suffered a headache, so I wasn't in the mood for blogging!

The trip to Helsingör was really great, even though it would have been nice to have better weather, it rained most of the time and was quite windy!
I met Johanna in Helsingborg and we went over to Denmark straight away, and had lunch there! Totally yummy - and cheap! - "foccacias" (sp??) ... I'd never had it before, but it was really good! (Perhaps not the healthiest of foods, but hey, you've got to treat yourself sometimes, right?!)
I hadn't been to Helsingör for many years, so it was great coming there again! It's a really charming town with lots of old buildings and charming little alleys. I wish I'd taken more pictures, but to tell the truth, I kind of forgot about my camera - and it didn't feel so great since it rained most of the time.
I think it would be fantastic to go during the summer sometime, because I bet the town is even lovelier when it's sunny! :)

Today I'll try to get some studying done before heading up to Helsingborg for Johanna's and Per's housewarming party tonight. I'm going to visit Sara first, so I'll leave here at aobut 4 p.m. but I still should manage to get a few things done!
Don't think I'll be updating the blog tonight, since I'll probably be home quite late, and will most likely be quite tired, but I'll try to tell you all about it tomorrow!

Take care!

Thursday, 27 September 2007

Here We Go Again!

Sorry if I sound depressing, but today has been just terrible!

I didn't sleep well, so I came up rather cranky this morning, but did everything I possibly could in order for things to work out - and no matter what I have done, it has gone wrong!! I totally hate these kinds of days, even though I know they come every now and again!
For once I don't feel too horrible about myself though, because I know I have really tried to change things, instead of just sit in front of the TV and do nothing! But it's still very annoying when nothing works out at all ...
I tried studying, and it turned out a mess. I went to a nearby town to get a gift, and had plans to go someplace else, only the trains were late so I missed the bus, I thought I'd check out another mode of transport, which resulted in me buying an extremely expensive bus/train timetable - and after about 2 minutes I realized I didn't even need it. I went home and the trains were a mess, my computer has been acting up tonight .... in short: no matter what I've done, it's just been a great big mess. *sorry*

I was totally greatful for having such a good day yesterday, and I still am! I hope that some of the thoughts and ideas and emotions I had then have survived this terrible day, so I can "start over" tomorrow! At least I have some great plans: meeting Johanna and going to Helsingör! Hopefully tomorrow will work out better than today, that's all I can say ...

Keep your fingers crossed I will be back with a more positive entry tomorrow night!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goodbye California, Alistair McLean
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 8)
Currently listening to: "Every Day - Valjean's Confession" (Les Misérables 1993)
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting Johanna, trip to Helsingör, studies

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Wow - That's Amazing!

I really can't believe the day I've head ... and I'm more talking of the way I've been feeling about things, coping with things etc. The practical aspect of the day has been both up and down, but it has still been a really good day!!

I went to Uni this morning, and met a girl whom I studied with last semester here on the train station, so I had company all the way! :) Good thing too, since the trains were late. At Uni I managed to get three of the books for my current course from the library (although I later found out I'm still missing one), and just the fact that I can go to the library is a great relief because that was earlier a huge thing for me, it was really "enemy territory" and I totally feared it!! So that is progress to say the least! I'm still a bit nervous about things not working out, or that something unexpected might happen, but it's nowhere near as bad as it has been, and I am coping with it.

Afterwards I went to a nearby mall ... and got absolutely nothing done! I was supposed to check out a few things - didn't find anything - and I had one "real" errand, which of course I remembered when I was on the bus back home! Typical! Despite that, my good mood persisted, and when I came home and had relaxed for a while I managed to clean the rest of my apartment, cook a "real dinner" (yeah, I know, but the whole food-thing is an issue with me ...) and also get some stuff done online!

Not a bad day for someone who felt their whole life was completely worthless about 30 hours ago, right!? :)

Also found out that I'll be meeting Johanna for lunch on Friday and then we'll take the ferry over to Helsingör in Denmark!! It's gonna be so much fun, I haven't been there in years, even though it only takes 20 minutes from Sweden (maybe 40 minutes alltogether from here, including trains!), so I'm sure I'll have a blast!!

I still can't explain why the entire me so completely changed yesterday afternoon, but I can tell you I'm totally greatful for it! Even though some things haven't quite worked out today, I'm still in a really good mood, and that's not very common for me, at least not now ... feels like I've been going in a downward spiral for weeks now .... so I'm most greatful for that!

Even my auctions on Tradera is going well! *yay* I added 57 auctions on Monday evening (for 14 days) and so far I have sold 2 (BuyNow) and there are bids on 12 of the rest! Not bad!! Feel free to check them out |**here**|

Keep your fingers crossed that I will really get going studying tomorrow! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goodbye California, Alistair McLean
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: One Man's Rain, Anthony Stewart Head
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES!

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Baaad Day ... But Getting Better!

Today has for the most part been really terrible! I had my mind really set on what I was supposed to do, I have tried really hard adapting these thoughts on routine and structure, on just "getting things done" without putting too much thought and energy into them, all of that.
So, despite the fact that I woke up with a splitting headache at 5 a.m. this morning I was hell bent on doing what I had in mind, which was first and foremost going to "work". Now, I can go by two different buses, one 'early' (leaving home right after 7) and one 'late' (leaving home right after 8), and I had planned to take the early bus. Despite hard effort, my headache persisted, even though it started to get better, so I though I'd take the late bus to let my head recover as much as possible. I was totally set on this and getting ready, when all of a sudden my stomach decided it wouldn't go along at all! I'm usually pretty healthy, I don't have problems with my physical health, but I litterary spent the upcoming 30 minutes in the bathroom ... thereby missing the late bus (and there's no other way to go).

Now, I know, I really know, that I couldn't help this - I mean, what could I do? But that's not the point! Wether there is 'blame' or not, doesn't alter the fact that there are consequenses, and the ocnsequenses in this instant meant that I won't be able to go to work for another week ... *terrific*
This really upset me, for some reason I became really sad about it! I guess that is because I felt like I put a lot of energy into really trying to apply these thoughts, trying to change a pattern that I felt was very bad, and then because of this, it just didn't work.

Being me and all, these sad feelings completely took control, and I couldn't do anything at all. I kept wandering from the computer to the TV and back to the computer. I felt so sad and so bad, I couldn't bring myself to doing anything, but because I didn't do anything, I kept feeling worse and worse. Not a great concept, that's for sure!

Then for some reason - and I have absolutely no clue whatsoever - which is kind of frustrating - it turned around! About 5 p.m. this afternoon, it just turned around. I cooked dinner, I replied to a number of emails I had been neglecting for a long time, I cleared away a lot of stuff, I cleaned most of my apartment, including scrubbing the kitchen (which for some reason I really hate!) ... just like that!
That, of course, was great, and I do feel a lot better now, but that doesn't change the fact that it's frustrating not being able to figure out why I have these 'changes'. If I knew that, I could work hard at getting them a bit more often, but they just ... happen ...
Guess I am a strange person, right?! :)

I am feeling much better now, and I'm hoping - keep your fingers crossed too - that no disasters will happen tonight or tomorrow morning, so that I can go ahead as planned tomorrow morning. I'm planning on studying at Uni tomorrow morning - though I still haven't heard from my tutor which makes it difficult to know what it is I should be studying!!! - and then I'll have to hunt for a housewarming present for Johanna and Per, I'm going to their new apartment on Saturday, so I'll start looking for something nice tomorrow!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goodbye California, Alistair McLean
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Studying, library, shopping ...

Monday, 24 September 2007

Somewhat Successful?

I think I have been somewhat successful in reinforcing the thoughts I tried to come up with last night. I can't say that it's been the greatest day ever, but I do feel better, and I have gotten at least some things done. Naturally, this thing of getting structure into your life, and finding a routine that works for you, doesn't come over night, it is something I will be working on for quite some time, I think, but at least I feel I have made a start today - and at least that's something, right?!

Unfortunately, things are not going very well with my studies. The course I will be taking first is somewhat unclear at the moment and I have quite a few questions - I emailed my tutor about it during the weekend but have not heard back from him all day. Now I really need to visit work tomorrow morning (they are only open Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and on Wednesday they have this whole meeting-thing that really complicates things a lot), and than I want to go straight to Uni to try to get some studying done and check out some books from the library - the only problem is that I now don't know which books to get (one of the questions in my email!) - terrific!! I hope I can gather the energy to go through with this anyway, with any luck there'll be a computer free when I get there so I can check my email at Uni (don't really think that'll happen though, on our entire department, we have four (!!) computers for students ... it's just terrible!!) ... but even if I can't, I know at least one book I can get!
And I totally need to get started with this course 100%, because I'm hoping to get it over and done with fairly quickly - as the rest of the semester will be very demanding!
Guess I can only try my best and hope for the best - right?!

Oh, I've watched through the entire season 1 of Stargate SG-1 now - it is sooooo great! I'm in love with this series!!! The only problem: The last episode ended with a huge cliffhanger, so guess who's frantically searching for a cheap season 2 all over eBay?!!? *lol* Yup - that'd be me! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goodbye California (Alistair McLean)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: ---
My Plans for tomorrow: Work, Uni, Studies

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Gathering My Thoughts!

I'm mostly feeling strange and confused these days, so I'm currently trying to gather my thoughts and work through my life at the moment!
I have been in a weird mood lately, where absolutely nothing gets done!! I know I have so much to do and get done, and yet for some strange reason, nothing ever happens! I really hate that with myself, it's so destructive ... and I don't really have time for that right now!!

I definately need to get things straightened out now, and start getting on with my life, otherwise things will be really chaotic!! I know that part of what made last semester end up like a complete disaster was that I got behind early on. Now you can't compare this right off, because there are two completely different courses now, but the fact still remains that things does work more smoothly if you can keep up and feel that you know what you're doing!

I really want my life to work out now, I want to de-dramatize a lot of things in my life, in order for things to work out more smoothly. "Little things", wether they are purely practical or have to do with my anxiety problems, should not be allowed to overcome my life!! I'm gonna have enough trouble coping with "bigger things" (such as oral exams *help!!*) later on, these "little things" have got to go on routine now!
Speaking of routine, that is something I really need to work on in my life!! I really feel that I need to get more routine and more structure in my life, and I think I am at the right point in my life to do it - if I can just get started! I started to think back, and I guess I maybe had a little too much routines and structures in my life early on, because when I first moved into my own apartment, the sense of freedom, of being able to do what I want when I wanted it, was overwhelming!! And I've come to realize that ever since then (I moved in June 1997, so it's 10 years and more now) I haven't had any routines in my life!! I guess I was sooo thrilled by actually being able to do whatever I wanted (eat what I wanted, when I wanted to, go to bed when I felt like it, get up when I felt like it - more or less anyway :) - clean when I wanted to, do laundry when I wanted to), that I never quite snapped out of it, I've just been going along with it for the past ten years!!
And I totally feel that it's doing me more harm than good right now!! I definately need structure in my life, in order for me to be able to do what I want and get my life to work properly! I guess this is pretty obvious stuff, but I've only just now come to think of it in so clear terms.

This is something I definately need to work on, and I guess it's not done in a hurry, since I have had 10 years to get used to life without any routines in it - but I still think it's worth fighting for, because I think my life will be easier to handle, and I will feel better about myself, if I can start working on getting these routines and structures to work for me!!

I'm planning to take a day completely at home tomorrow and try to inforce these thoughts into real life, see if I can start creating some routines and structures that I can hopefully follow in the future as well. I think it is imperative that I really give this a try, if I am going to cope with this semester in a satisfactory fashion.

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Well-Schooled in Murder (Elizabeth George)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: Some Enchanted Evening - Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: Get my life going !!

Saturday, 22 September 2007

Stargate SG-1

This post might belong in my Swedish 'TV&Film' blog, but I've already made a post there, and this time I felt like writing it in English!

The fact is: I've become completely addicted to Stargate SG-1!! Just accept it, because that's the way it is!
I started watching it this summer, since there was nothing else on TV and the weather forced me inside a lot, and I did enjoy it pretty quickly. Coming in late in the series made certain things quite difficult, but the more I watched it, the better I liked it.

Now I ordered the first season on dvd, it arrived a few days ago, and what can I say? Watching this show from the beginning made me completely addicted! It's actually quickly becoming one of my very favourite TV shows and I can recommend it to anyone!

I haven't seen the original movie, and I guess I should have done that, because the series really picks up where the movie left off, but it's still not a problem to follow the storylines, even though you sometimes get the feeling that had you seen the movie, it would add another dimension to the series.

Thus far (having seen about 8 episodes of the first season) I have to say that I think I'm mostly impressed by the writing of the show. The dialogue is absolutely fantastic and the mix of drama, sci-fi and comedy is extraordinary! I think one of the things that made me watch this show in the first place was the relationship between the four main characters: Jack O'Neill (Richard Dean Anderson), Samantha Carter (Amanda Tapping), Daniel Jackson (Michael Shanks) and Teal'c (Christopher Judge), and I was thrilled to discover that this relationship somehow exists even in the beginning of the show, even though the characters have never met.
Their first meetings really set the tone of the show and does so in an outstanding way! For those of you who have seen the Pilot ("Children of the Gods") - isn't the way O'Neill and Carter meet for the first time absolutely outstanding!

I have to say that I really do love the "mix" of the show. It's sci-fi, sure, that's the genre of the series, but it's sooo much more than that. First of all, I do like this type of sci-fi as well, because it is very real. It is not set in some unimaginable future, where people and cultures and settings are totally different, it is set here and now. For all we know, there really is an existing and working Stargate burried inside a mountain somewhere, right?! This also makes the characters a lot more believable, since they more or less could be anybody!
I also like the fact that it is not only a sci-fi series, it has so much more to offer. I quickly picked up on the comedy aspect of the show, the glib remarks between the characters, the typical O'Neill one-liners, but I was surprised to see the amount of drama and emotion shown in the series - another thing that makes it all the more believable!
Thus far, this has mostly been seen with O'Neill (remember, I've only seen the first 8 episodes or so), where one episode deals with his family and background, and in the Pilot it is wonderful to see his relationship with the young boy Skaara!

Have to finish off with some funny trivia ... I could write a whole book about it, but I'll just take some of them as they come to mind.

** The first one is actually from the Season 7 episode "Chimera", where Carter is seeing a cop, named Pete. She's quite happy about where their relationship is going when she returns to SGC and she ends up in an elevator with O'Neill, and she starts humming. The song she is actually humming happens to be the Stargate SG-1 theme song! *lol*

** I just love the end of episode 2, "Emancipation", when SG-1 is bringing a new drug back for study, and realizes they will never get credit, should it be a miracle drug, since they cannot speak of where it came from.
O'Neill: Damn. Guess I'm going to have to cancel that Operah interview.
Teal'c: What is an Operah?!
Gotta luv Teal'c! :)

** Finishing off (like I said, I could go on forever!!) with something quite funny from the Pilot - "Children of the Gods". O'Neill and Carter have just arrived at Abydos, and Carter has found the Dial Home Device. She states: This is how they controlled it. It took us 15 years and three supercomputers to McGyver a system for the gate on Earth.
As most of you know Richard Dean Anderson was McGyver some years ago, and according to a rumour, Amanda Tapping ad-libbed the line while reading for the part of Carter ... and this was supposedly one thing that made her get the part!

At last, two graphics! I haven't had much time, but I've at least managed to make caps from the Pilot episode, and I have a strong feeling you will see more graphics here in the future!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Det sårbara livet, Fredrik Lindström
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: Min Astrakan, Kristina från Duvemåla
My Plans for tomorrow: Major study session, cleaning, maybe grocery shopping

Thursday, 20 September 2007


Wow, I can't believe I've had this blog for a whole year! Amazing!
I did have another blog here at blogger for a while before that, but it started acting very weird, so on 20 September 2006, I started this ... it had the super-lame name "Jessica's Blog" for some time, before I came up with Another Day - Another Destiny (from Les Misérables, what else? *lol*), which I think is a rather suitable name for a blog - after all, that's what it's all about, isn't it?

Trying to think back over this year ... sooo much has happened. In one way it feels like it's been a lot longer than a year, but in another way, it seems much shorter ... guess that prooves that it really has been one year! :)
I'd like to think that I have come quite a long way with myself, even though I don't always have "visible" proof to show it. Last semester, for instance, was more or less a total disaster, but even though I never want to go through anything like that ever again, I still feel I've learned something from it, and I have a fairly good idea what to do not to get in a similar situation again.

For a change, this 'anniversary-day' has been better the last few days, even though I - again! - had to change some plans! I was supposed to meet Johanna today, but she's fallen ill (get better soon, okay!!!! *hugs*), so I went to Uni a little later, but still managed to find a book for my course at the library before meeting my mentor! (And I managed to get some things done in the morning as well, instead of ending up in front of the TV or the computer - yay me!)

Unfortunately the train home was almost half an hour late (*SIGH*) but I instantly became in a better mood when I came home to find the first season of Stargate SG-1 on the floor!! *yay* I've come to like it better and better ever since I started watching the odd episode during the summer, when it constantly rained - but I came in in mid-season 5, so I didn't quite get the concept for quite some time.
Anyway, getting the first season was the perfect celebration today, so I watched the Pilot episode and the first one this afternoon. I know I have to ration this now, since I have some serious studying to get done, but I felt I just HAD to see how it all began! *lol* Did realize I should have seen the movie first though, as the Pilot fairly freequently refers to the movie, but I still got most of it! :)

Well, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY blog readers! Getting above 4,200 visitors in a year makes me very proud and very happy, so thank you a lot for reading my blog and taking such an interest. I hope you'll stick with me for the next year as well!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Det sårbara livet, Fredrik Lindström
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 8)
Currently listening to: Mein Herz ruft nach Dir (Les Misérables Deutsche Originalaufnahme)
My Plans for tomorrow: Cleaning, studying, running errands

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Change Of Plans!

These last few days hasn't worked out at all the way I had hoped and planned! *sigh*
Started yesterday, when I slept really poorly, woke up with a headache that gradually turned into a migrane attack! I had it all day yesterday, went to bed at 9 p.m. and did sleep fairly good. I had planned to visit "work" today, and had set my alarm for 4 a.m. to really prepare, since yesterday was so terrible.
Turns out that my head felt so insecure, even after about 2½ - 3 hours of working at making it better, that I didn't dare to go to work (problem with it is the bad communications through public transport, because once I leave my home town, I know there's no way I'll make it home for another 5-6 hours - and I didn't dare to take the chance of the migrane comming back). I was totally exahusted, and my head wasn't great, so I went back to sleep (after having called work) and slep until noon!! *yikes*

Since then I have tried pulling myself together, my head has been feeling a little bit better, but it's still not 100% ... I do hope I'll be able to work things out tomorrow, as I'm planning on a study session at the library at Uni (which is kind of a big thing with me - I'm still not comfortable around Uni apart from when I'm having lectures), meeting a friend and meeting my mentor - so I really hope I'll feel fine tomorrow!

I did fairly well on Tradera this time, which is nice! The economy isn't great right now, and I need all my student loan money to pay bills and food and stuff, selling stuff can get me some extra money to buy fun stuff! *lol* I am however experiencing some problems with buyers this time, which is annoying. Someone claiming they have payed, I haven't gotten any money whatsoever ... another buyer whose email address isn't working (I know I should try to call them, but I honestly don't think I feel up to doing that, I have such a hard time talking on the phone, and doing it like this - I just don't think I can cope .... Guess all I can do is hope that they will get in touch with me ... maybe ...) - so that is a bit of a worry!
Still, I'm happy with making some extra money, so I guess I'm gonna have to accept that not all the deals go totally smooth ...

Well, it's early yet, but I think I'll try to wind down in front of the TV and get an early night - give my head a chance to fully recover!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Hebreisk Nybörjarbok
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Uni, Studies, Meeting friends

Monday, 17 September 2007

Intense Day - Intense Future!

Today, or rather this morning, was very intense! I have been pretty much worn out and not gotten that much done after I got home ...

I had to meet two Uni teachers this morning, and although it ended up working out pretty well, I was still so nervous, that I have a hard time "recovering" from it!
Also, one thing that wasn't too great! I just realized that my planning for this semester won't work out ... I really wanted to finish these two "special" courses first, take the exams and get them over and done with before my last course starts, which is on November 5. However, since I didn't get started until today - which is very late indeed! - and it was a lot more stuff than I thought - I don't think I stand a chance to get it all finished by the first week of November. After all, that's only six weeks away, and during these two courses I will do :
  • About 1,500 pages of litterature (Swedish and English)
  • 20 pages of Hebew text (meaning I'm gonna have to know it in Swedish and Hebrew, know the translations and be able to analyze various word-forms)
  • One paper
  • Two oral exams.
I honestly don't think I'm capable of doing that in six weeks, no matter how hard I try.
Still, the more I get done before the next course, the better it is. I have a feeling that course will be pretty demanding too, we have a rather demanding teacher and I just found out that over approximately 10 weeks, we will have ONE exam which will account for the entire grade! That is tough in itself and I also learned that we'll take it (don't remember the date, some time in mid-January) 4-30 - 8.30 p.m. - thanks a lot!!
I have a strong feeling I will definately be busy in the future, that's for sure!

I have a number of thoughts regarding Uni now, my future there, but I'm not quite in the mood for going into some deep discussion about that right now. I want to write some of it down here, and make a more extensive note of it in my Swedish blog, 'Att leva med social fobi', but I'm afraid it's going to have to wait a while, until I can sort everything out!

A little less than 24 hours left of my Tradera auctions now - don't forget to check them out!! This time lots of stuff with famous twins Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, but also dvds, magazines (Dreamwatch, SFX and more) and lots more! Enjoy!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: En bok om Gamla Testamentet
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 8)
Currently listening to: Ida Know, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: "Work", probably studying at my Uni department, sending out packages, some shopping ....

Sunday, 16 September 2007

Preparing ...

I have spent most of today trying to prepare for next week, or rather tomorrow which will be a very intense day.
I'm having meetings with two teacheres tomorrow, regarding the first courses I'll be taking this semester! These are rather special courses, known as "läskurser" (sorry, can't really come up with a good translation for it). In short it means that every student decides on a certain subject they want to learn more about, the teacher helps with getting litterature, you can a certain number of weeks to prepare and then you have an examination, usually both a written and an oral exam.
I'm taking two of these right now at the beginning of the semester, one in Sociology of Religion and the other in Old Testament with Hebrew, so I'm meeting with my tutors in those two subjects tomorrow!

I'm more than nervous though, I've never taken courses like these before, I don't know what I want to study, I don't know how much "help" I can expect to get from the teachers ... In short, I'm uncertain about absolutely everything regarding tomorrow ... so that's why I've been very nervous most of the day!

I have come up with a certain "line-of-thinking", certain ways to try to approach this, which I feel are really good - the only problem is to actually implement them when I'm in the situation, because the anxiety has a tendancy to completely take over, and when it does, you can't think rationally about anything.
I do think I have become better at keeping the rational thoughts, even in tough situations, so I'm hoping to be able to that tomorrow as well.

I totally look forward to tomorrow afternoon, because at least these meetings are over, and even if they haven't worked out perfectly, at least I'll know more about what will happen and what will be expected of me than I do right now ....

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: En bok om Gamla Testamentet
Currently watching: Ultraviolet - Mea Culpa
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Two Uni meetings ... some shopping ...

Friday, 14 September 2007

Let's Get Going!

I realize my blogging haven't been the best during the last few weeks. Not only do I feel like I have neglected this blog, I also feel I have not updated my other blogs as often as I should have - including Zorro's - so my apologies go to Zorro as well!

I really do hope that I will get more routine in my life now, because no matter how confusing my life is right now, I will for certain start this autumn semester on Monday, and I hope I can implement some routine in my life when my studies start for real!

I had another meeting with my student councellor today, and although I finally figured out what to do with the next three to four years, I still wasn't too happy about the meeting! As the Swedish University system is undergoing major changes, things are a big mess at the moment!! I had hoped to finish my degree according to the old system, but aparently that's out of the question, so now I'm going to have to "transfer" into the new system!
I had the whole thing pretty much figured out when I went to see my councellor, only to find that all the rules and regulations I had in mind when I figured out my plan, doesn't apply anymore! Thanks a lot!!
I have a very hard time just to change a way of thinking, and all of a sudden comply to a new way of thinking, and since I don't immediately get the new way, I feel really dumb and stupid - and I did get the feeling that I didn't understand a thing and that the councellor felt like she had to explain the whole thing to a three-year-old! I know I'm probably over-reacting, but it was rather a difficult session, that I have to admit!
At least we went through every semester until I will - hopefully! - get my Master of Theology Degree, so at least I hope I know what I will do for the next three years! But when I went home and checked the courses avaliable for next semester, there still seemed to be inconsistancies with what I had been told! *deep sigh*
This councellor will quit now - which is sad because she has helped me a lot - but I think I'll just have to try to wait until it's time to apply for next semester's courses and than email the other councellor than, to ask some more questions!

Enough boring Uni talk now - sorry folks!

I had a wonderful time last night, when Sara and Johanna came over for Taco-dinner! I really feel like I've found a couple of great friends there, and I can be totally relaxed and enjoy myself with them (and the fact is, that is not too common for me, I tend to worry a lot about what is going on, what I am saying and doing and how other people will interpret that), and that is a great feeling!!

Lots of laughs, of course - what else?!!? - even though we actually drank Pepsi throughout the night!! *gasp* Impressive, huh?! *lol*

I've also been invited to Johanna's and Per's house-warming party in a few weeks, as they moved during the summer, and I'm totally looking forward to that! I bet it's gonna be a lot of fun, and I really like to see their new place! They also have a new little kitten that I'm dying to get to know! :) (I bet Zorro will be a bit jealous though!!)

Anyway - I do hope I will be better and keeping up-to-date with my online activites, both in my blogs and in various Forums, in the future!
Also, not too many days left on my latest Tradera-auctions - check them out!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: En Bok om Gamla Testamentet
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 8?)
Currently listening to: Identical Twins (Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen)
My Plans for tomorrow: Pick up some dvds, studying ...

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

Very Confusing!

The big thing today was a meeting with my student councellor - and boy did it end up being very confusing!
The Swedish University system are currently undergoing some major changes, to better adapt to the European University systems with the same types of courses, credits, grades and degrees - which naturally is very messy for us students. I had my mind set on completing my degree according to the old system (which you can do until the year 2015), as I have already taken so many courses.
Lately I've more and more come to realize that I would like to continue after my degree to do post-graduate studies and eventually study for a doctor's degree ... so this was what I was going to talk to my student councellor about!

Before long, she told me I simply had to change to the new system in order for things to work out later on. Only that meant some changes, I even had to change a course this semester for that to work. This will lead up to a Bachelor's Degree, (which is supposed to be three years - more about that later though), later I would continue for two years to get a Master's Degree, and then I would get on with my post-graduate study ... (apologies if these titles aren't quite correct, I find it difficult to translate them as I only know the terms in Swedish properly).
Anyway, after a discussion with the councellor, I finally though I had things figured out, it felt pretty good, I knew what I had to do etc.

Then I went by bus to a mall, and I started reading through my notes, going through the courses I already have taken ... and absolutely nothing whatsoever made any sense!! I didn't get the credits I was supposed to, all of a sudden it seemed I had taken too many courses, and everything was a huge mess.
I started looking through it when I got home - emailed the concellor to get another appointment SOON (as she's leaving by the end of the month) - read through a bunch of rules and regulations online. I think I have come up with a new solution again, one that will work out, but I definately need to run it by my counellor soon, because my idea would mean I need to change a course I'm about to start on Monday! *yikes*

Still, if my ideas and thoughts work out, I have my whole study plan ready - which feels great - and I will have my Bachelor's Degree next Christmas!! *big, silly smile* Feels kinda cool actually ...

Now I'm mostly looking forward to tomorrow night, when Sara and Johanna are coming for dinner! It's TACO TIME!! *lol* I haven't seen Johanna in, like 2 months or something, so it's gonna be great catching up - and celebrate that I got my VG on the last course!! *yay me*

Take care guys!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading:
Currently watching: The Inspector Lynley Mysteries - A Traitor To Memory
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Shopping, bank errands, cleaning - PAARTYY! *lol*

Monday, 10 September 2007

Better ... And Worse

Strange day indeed!!
I actually had a good morning, I was efficient, I got things done, I felt good about myself. At about eleven I was going downtown to catch a bus to a nearby mall, as I had a ton of errands to run. There was this huge mix-up with the citybuses, when I finally got on a bus, it must have the slowest bus in Sweden, because we never seemed to get anywhere - and when we finally got downtown, the other bus had left like 15 seconds earlier! Thanks a lot!

This kinda ruined my mood ... not surprisingly, I guess! I wasn't quite as efficient when I had to go back home and not getting my errands run.

Tonight I finally came to realize that my Uni semester starts tomorrow!! *Yikes!* I have tried some serious mental preparation tonight, I've written in my diary more or less non-stop for about 2½ hours, so I'm hoping I have least come up with something!

I can't say that I feel confident about this semester, because for some reason I haven't been feeling great these last few weeks! I really feel I should have gotten lots and lots of stuff done, been organzied and prepared and whatnot, and I haven't felt up for any of it! I guess I'm a bit sorry about that, but I know that nothing good will come out of me moaning about what I should have done. I hope I can really pick up the pieces now and try my very very hardest not to let this semester turn into the chaos I experienced last semester. I think it's very important, at least for the first few weeks, to keep my mind on last semester (even reading my diaries from that time now), in order to stop the same thing from happening now as well.
I'm in this strange mood where I never seem to get the energy to get things done, I just put them off for later, and later, and later. Which is what I did last semester and when ended up in complete disaster! So I think it's really, really important I realize that this is NOT the way to handle Uni! Period!

I guess I should finish off my diary entry now and try to get some sleep ....

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading:
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Work, essay, study, errands, Uni introduction ...

Sunday, 9 September 2007

Such A Hard Time Getting Started!

No matter what I do these days I can't seem to be efficient and get things done! I'm very annoyed with myself because I know that I can really get a lot of stuff done, if I set my mind to it. I can study 200% and really learn something (after all, I got VG on my last exam and I did about 97% of the studying for that exam in one week!), I can get other things like errands, stuff online, cleaning etc done in an efficient way ... so why am I not doing that now!??!

I don't have anything major planned for tomorrow - once again trying to really get started would be good!!! - but I'm desperately hoping I will feel better and manage to get things done!! It's really like a vicious circle when it comes to this, because for some reason I can't get things done, which makes me feel bad, and when I feel bad, I tend not to get a lot done, and when I don't get things done, I feel even worse and ... yeah, you get the picture ... *sigh*

Guess all I can do is hope for a good night's sleep and a better day tomorrow ... right?!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: --
Currently watching: Du är inte klok, Madicken (Astrid Lindgren)
Currently listening to: ---
My Plans for tomorrow: EVERYTHING that hasn't gotten done today!

Saturday, 8 September 2007

Wasted Time!

Today feels more or less like a complete waste of time! *sigh*
I have soooo much stuff I need to do and think about and work out and fix and whatnot, and I don't have time to waste, so I'm a bit frustrated right now.

Among everything else, I have for a long time thought about getting Zorro a new "climbing-toy-thingy" (yeah, like anyone is going to figure out what I mean! Check out the picture instead! *lol*), because as you can see, his old one isn't in the best shape! I found out this place that had them for half price on sale, so I decided to go. Unfortunately I can't take the bus all the way there, it's about 15 minutes walk from the nearest bus stop. I didn't let that stop me, I went, and bought the last one they had (!) and started walking! I quickly realized that there was no easy way to carry this package (it was in little pieces of course, but still quite heavy) in order not to drop the little pieces inside of it, or break it! I finally made it to the bus stop, soaking in sweat, only to realize that I've just missed the bus. I "only" had to wait for 20 minutes, but they sure felt like long minutes at the time!

Finally I got home and started putting this thing together! I suppose it did work out, but it's not very stable! Instead it's rather shaky and feels quite insecure. I was supposed to put the old one out on the balcony so Zorro could use it there, get up a bit and get a better view of what was going on. I needed some plastic to wrap it, for when it rains, and I was sure I had some here. Yeah right!! Apparently, I didn't - so I had to rush out to the nearest store to get it. When I got home, the plastic was really too small ... *SIGH* ... I managed to make it work somehow anyway - and then I realized I would have a problem with the balcony carpet (don't have the energy to explain it, sorry), so I had to try to figure out how to avoid completely ruining the carpet - and ended up more or less cutting it in two ...

All of this has taken up most of the day, meaning not much else has happened - and I sooo don't have time for that!! I need to be efficient more or less 24 hours a day now!!
On top of all that, Zorro isn't the least bit interested in his new "toy", I have placed him on it twice, but I think it's a bit too unstable, because he more or less jumps right off it again ... *sigh* Hopefully he'll get used to it, and starts using it a bit more often in the future. I know my Dad can help make it more stable (he did to the old one as well), but my Dad won't come here before Christmas - it might be even later than that, so hopefully Zorro starts using it anyway!

As you can see here, Zorro is much more interested in sitting on his old thing out on the balcony and check out what the neighbours - and the birds!! - are up to! *lol* Guess it's a good thing he enjoys that at least!

I do sincerely hope that I can get a better day tomorrow! I need to prepare for next week, both in practical matters and on an emotional level, if I'm going to get through it all - so I hope I won't have another wasted day tomorrow!

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: ---
Currently watching: The X-Files Season 2
Currently listening to: Les Misérables, Brazil Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: Pretty much everything: studies, cleaning, laundry ... and more!

Friday, 7 September 2007

Generally Confusing!

My life is just generally confusing right now - which is why I haven't done much blogging lately. I know I should be doing lots and lots and lots of stuff, and although I feel like I'm trying to keep busy most of the time, I never seem to get anything done! Very annoying!

Lot of uncertainties regarding Uni as well. I have an essay I should have finished last fall, which I should be working on, but I'm very insecure about the whole thing, so I should contact my tutor. But I'm having him for a rather special course this semester as well, so I should contact him regarding that as well. But now I've found out that I might have made a mistake in taking the courses I'm taking this semester, I might need to change them - which would mean not taking that particular course at all ... Oh, did I mention things are confusing!?!?!?

Starting next week, more practical things will happen. I have a meeting with my student councellor, I have an introduction to a course (for once, one I know I'm going to take!!), I'm going to visit work etc, so hopefully some of the confusing will disappear then. The only problem is that since it will be such an intense week I feel like I should have gotten as much as possible done before it starts ... oh, God, I'm just babbling ... sorry ... I'll shut up now!

I did pretty well on Tradera this time though, sold for a little over 300:- (about US$44), which feels great. I've added another bunch of auctions today (and included the ones I didn't sell as well ...). You can check them out | here |.

I have only one thing planned for tomorrow, so I'm hoping I'll be able to catch up a bit around the house - and with myself! I'm gonna need all the mental preparation I can get in order to make it through next week. Hopefully I don't have anything I have to do on Friday though, because than I can really relax with Sara and Johanna on Thursday! I'm sooo looking forward to our dinner .... I even found a (for me!) totally new drink-recipe that I'm definately going to try out! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: --
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: --
My Plans for tomorrow: some shopping, some cleaning ...

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Going Up And Down

My life is once again the roller coaster going up and down - oh, and did I mention I don't even like roller coasters?!?!
I have a hard time describing the last few days actually, because some things have been really good and worked out fine - while others have been horrible disasters! *sigh* Guess I won't even try ...

Today I have tried looking at my essay probably - and it's mostly problems from start to finish with it - it feels like I never get it over and done with!! At least I managed to go through the whole thing properly today and make a list of what I need to do - and then I have to see what I can do at home, what I need to go to the library for, what I need to visit 'work' for, what I need to ask my tutor etc. Guess that's a good thing, right?

I met my friend Sara today which was sooo much fun!! I haven't seen her since mid-July so it was really great to catch up! Hopefully she and Johanna will come here for dinner next week! *looking forward to it*

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: ---
Currently watching: The Simpsons was on TV
Currently listening to: The Ghost Song, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: Shopping, running some errands ...

Monday, 3 September 2007

4000th Visitor - Thank You!

Wow, we've crossed the 4000-mark today!
Thank you so much for visiting my blog so much!

Today hasn't been a great day ... for various reasons I didn't go to work, which really upsets me. Now, I know I had "legitimate" reasons for not going, but it still bothers me. I haven't been able to do much during the day either - which has only added to my bad mood.
Also, I had a mail from the photo-company, telling me that the orders are processed immediately, so there's no way of cancelling and order! *sigh* Meaning I will get - and pay for - about 60-70 photos I already have! *sigh again*
I guess I don't really mind that there's no cancelling, every company works in different ways, but I at least think they should make it very clear that you can NOT change your mind - that way you will check, double-check and tripple-check your order before sending it.
Ah well, nothing to do about it now, I guess.

My mood has improved a little tonight - thanks for that - so I'm hoping I'll get a better day tomorrow!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Religionssociologi, en introduktion
Currently watching: Moonraker
Currently listening to: Happy Anniversary, Philip Quast
My Plans for tomorrow: Hopefully work, drugstore ... maybe some more errands

Sunday, 2 September 2007

More Digital Photos ... And A New Blog!

I woke up at about 4 a.m. this morning and realized that I had made a mistake in ordering those over 300 digital photos yesterday ... *panic* Don't know what will happen, I have emailed the company, so I hope they can cancel the order.

Also, I've created a new blog ... or rather, Zorro has!! *lol* I was inspired by another blog "written by" a kitten, and I figured Zorro probably wanted his own blog. It's in Swedish (sorry, guys) and it's called Zorro: Master of the House

Apart from that nothing much has happened here today. I was considering going shopping (only for groceries), but by the time I had made up my mind to go, it was pouring rain ... so I decided to stay at home instead.
Today has mostly been spent trying to mentally prepare for next week. I guess it's nothing major - I've had considerably worse, that's for sure! - but I still need to get as much done as possible. After all, it's this week and then Uni starts for me ... and it's going to be very intense, because of the late start!!!

Tomorrow I'm off to "work" (I still call it that, even though I officially left over two years ago!), with mixed feelings!! I like being there, I like the women running it a lot and it's great to see them again - I was hardly there at all last semester so it was ages since I saw them properly. But I feel a bit insecure about it too, there are mostly new Moms there, that don't know about me and my background, so there's always a procedure trying to explain who I am and what I'm doing there. Now I'm gonna have to try to gather material for my essay a lot too, and since everything about this essay has gone wrong, I'm a bit nervous about that too.
Anyway, I'm going and that's that. Guess I'm gonna have to face whatever problems that may occur when they actually happen. I'll probably go back on Wednesday as well, but then I have something to look forward to, becaue I'm meeting my friend Sara afterwards!! I have only met her once since June (!!!) since I've been up in the summerhouse for most of the summer - so it's gonna be great catching up!

Now I'm gonna try to relax, I think I saw that new episodes of Wire in the Blood is on TV soon, so I'll probably watch that - I enjoy the earlier episodes I've seen and I love the books by Val McDermid!!

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Religionssociologi, en introduktion
Currently watching: The Spy Who Loved Me, Roger Moore Commentary
Currently listening to: Epilog, Les Misérables Spanish Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: Work, grocery shopping ....

Saturday, 1 September 2007

Digital Photos ...

Today has been more or less a digital-photos-day for me!
Well, I wen to a mall this morning, but found absolutely nothing! It was nice to get out a bit, the weather was great, so I made sure to take a long walk to and from the bus I was taking, but I can't say it was the most thrilling outing.

This afternoon and evening has been spent sorting through LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of digital photos .... I had three memory-cards from my Dad's family to go through (although I can't go through them in detail, beacuse the date setting on my Dad's girlfriend's camera is all screwed up ... but I still need to check them out), and I had four memory-cards of my own ... I guess in total I went through about 1000 different pictures!
Some were duplicates, and some I had ordered photocopies of before, but I ended up ordering 314 photos - *yikes!* Luckily I had found some place online that only took 0,39:- (Swedish Kronor) per picture if you ordered over 100 pictures ... but it's gonna take forever to sort through all of these once I get them - AND I have pictures laying around the apartment going back to Christmas 2006! Guess I will be busy sorting through those as well ...

Otherwise I really have got a million things to do and fix and work out before this semester starts for real, so I'm hoping I can be really efficient in the future, in order to have time to sort through it all ....

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Steget Efter, Henning Mankell
Currently watching: The Spy Who Loved Me
Currently listening to: Dites-Moi Ce Qui Se Passe
My Plans for tomorrow: working on my essay I hope ....