Friday, 31 October 2008

Taking The Day Off!

Yes, I had my Greek exam this morning, and have since then taken the day off!!
It feels absolutely wonderful to simply do nothing, without feeling bad about it! :) I know it's this day and this day only, but I have enjoyed it a lot!

The exam ... what can I say? Well, I'm basically as sure as you can be that I passed ... if nothing completely unforeseen happens and I have all of a sudden forgotten all the Greek I have learned.
Apart from that - things are a bit complicated. I haven't sorted it all through in my head yet, and to be honest, I'm not sure I feel up to writing about it in a public blog, but some things doesn't feel quite right. It's nothing major, and I don't think it will have long term implications, it's just personal thoughts and feelings. I'm hoping for diary session, either tonight or tomorrow morning, to hopefully sort most of it out in my head at least.

I met Lena after the exam, she had her New Testament exam, and we managed to catch up with each other and went for well deserved coffee afterwards - nice!! I haven't seen her in a long time, so it was great catching up again!

And since I got home, basically nothing! :) I've been sitting in front of the computer, reading a bit, watching TV ... done absolutely nothing! And to be honest, I think I deserved it. Starting tomorrow, it's full steam ahead again, but I have truly enjoyed this relaxing day.

Tomorrows plans ... well, I'll be cleaning my apartment - as always it's a complete mess right after an exam - and do some grocery shopping. At 6 p.m. Lena and Tobias will come for a little something to eat, and then we're going to see the new James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace - yay!! I'm really looking forward to it, even though I'm still getting used to this kind of "new" Bond-series thing, I was confused to say the least after having seen Casino Royale back in 2006!

I really do hope I can gather the energy to write a little in my diary tonight, but I guess I'd better get started before it gets way to late.
Take care!

Pic of the Day

At long last, the Pic of the Day is back! Another lovely ocean picture, I really like this one ... for some reason, the water was really low when I took this photo, otherwise I had never gotten the shoreline the way it is here.

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Förgörarna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Cleaning, shopping, meeting Lena & Tobias, movie

Thursday, 30 October 2008

Greek Confusion!

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this entry at all, since I'm big-time confused and rather nervous about my big Greek-exam tomorrow morning!
I am happy to say I have suffered only minor headaches the last few days - YES!! - and I am more than grateful for every moment I'm not in pain any more!

While I wasn't 100% effective yesterday, today has been completely focused on Greek with only minor breaks in between. And yet I am totally confused now!
I think this is the first exam where I have been so completely insecure about what is going on, what will be expected of me, what level the exam will be on and how I will be doing! I usually have a pretty good "feel" for written exams, but this time I'm clueless.

Our teacher assured us yesterday, at the last lecture, that the exam was pretty "kind" - he want to test us on the basics, but will skip the more difficult exceptions. I like that, I think it's reasonable and sound and good in any way ... but I can't help but not trust his statement completely. I have felt before as well, that he doesn't want to "scare" us that things will be too heavy, so he keeps telling us it's no big deal, it's not that difficult, it's not so hard to understand etc. when in fact it's really complicated. And now I can't help worrying that the exam will be the same ...

I also feel very insecure about my own knowledge and how prepared I am! I am the first to admit that Greek has come fairly easy for me, I "get the system" of the language, and even though I've missed a whole bunch of lectures during this course, I have managed to pick it up again, and I have never felt really lost, like I did the first time I took Hebrew. And that's good ... but on the other hand, I feel like I'm mixing everything together, like I know the stuff when I can look it up, but I'll never know it by heart ...
All very confusing!

I know there's nothing I can do about it, except try to get as much time for studying as possible and hope for the best - but it still bothers me that I feel so confused about all this.

There's a rumour going around we'll have a true winter storm during the night, so I'll probably have to get up even earlier than usual tomorrow, to check up on the trains! I usually want to get in a little early for exams, but if there's a chance the trains will be delayed or even cancelled, I have to get up in time to check it properly! I usually set my alarm to 3.50 a.m. ... now I'm thinking at least 3.30 ... There are regular trains in the morning, but if the weather starts causing trouble, there's no telling what will happen to the trains ... I've been checking them tonight, and there are no delays yet - but a lot can happen between now and 7 a.m. tomorrow morning!

I'll try to run through some more verb forms tonight before getting at least a few hours sleep.
Wish me luck tomorrow, will you?! :)
(And Good Luck to Lena too, she's having a New Testament exam in the room next to where we're taking Greek! :) )

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Back From The Weekend In Hell!

Hello again!

Sorry for the lack of updates here recently, things certainly haven't gone my way lately.
I have been in a four-day-long migraine attack now, which has meant a lot of bad things for me personally! First of all, I missed Lena & Tobias' wedding!! *sobbing* I was soooo happy to get an invitation, and I had really been looking forward to it - even though I was nervous as well ... and my migraine started on Friday afternoon and on Saturday morning - the wedding day - I couldn't even get out of bed!!! I know these things "happen", but that doesn't stop me from feeling really upset about it! ;(
Secondly, it meant I kind of screwed up my essay seminar!! I was supposed to spend the entire Sunday working on my essay, in order to prepare for the seminar (it wasn't that big a deal, but we were supposed to give a rather detailed presentation of the outline of our essays, and also be able to comment on the other student's in the seminar), and once again: migraine! There was no way I could get any studying done, I was lucky if I even made it to the bathroom - well, almost anyway!
Yesterday, I went to the Department early and spoke to my Professor. I had felt a little better when I woke up, but once at Uni the migraine came back with full strength. I told him what was going on and that I wasn't prepared at all, but that I'd still try to attend. He was very understanding, which felt great, but my migraine kept getting worse and worse.
The seminar started with trying to work out the opposition schedules for the end of the semester, in mid-January, and that turned out to be way more complicated than expected - and I think I got a pretty bad deal there (but I don't have the energy to go into that now, more on that later on), and by the time we were supposed to start our presentations, I was so far gone with migraine I could hardly hear what they were saying.
In speaking to my professor, I had sort of thought I'd be excused from actually participating in the seminar, and while they didn't "demand" I comment on the other students, it became obvious I had to at least give my own presentation. You know, the one I was supposed to have prepared the day before and hadn't... I actually didn't have a single note on my own essay, so the fact that I spoke at all is pretty incredible to me. Now, I was more or less semi-unconscious, so I have no idea whatsoever what I actually said - or if anybody understood it - but at least I explained why I was so out-of-it so I hope they understood ...

I stumbled home as soon as the seminar was over, and at times like these I really hate having to travel to and from Uni. In effect, it took me 1 hour 15 minutes to get home, and with that severe a migraine, it felt like it took forever. I spent the rest of the day eating pills and staying in bed, and actually, the migraine subsided, and during yesterday evening I could actually walk around the apartment with only a "normal" headache!

This morning, I felt the headache a little, but it was definitely manageable, which felt great! We had Greek lectures at 8 a.m. and yesterday (when I missed the lecture since it collided with the seminar), today and tomorrow, we will mostly repeat difficult moment, there are rooms for questions etc. and therefore we don't have text to prepare ... which meant all my anxiety was gone! *Yay!* While I'm thrilled about not having anxiety (duh!!), I'm still seeing very clearly how difficult this demand for a "performance" within the group is for me ... and I definitely think that's something I need to work hard at changing - somehow!
Anyway, lectures were nothing since I didn't have to worry about anything, and straight after that we had a mentor meeting! I haven't been to a lot of them *oops* but this one was very rewarding. Our mentor gave us a text, which were similar to the kind of text we will get on the exam, and we aimed at translating it, mostly working in pairs. It worked out really nicely, and I'm quite happy with the meeting.
After that, I went downtown, bought a few books (mostly for the next course) and some lunch, before going back to the Department. I think I got in about 3-3½ hours effective studies in the library, which felt really nice, before it was time for the last lecture of the optional essay-course at 4.15. I really like these courses, there are only 2-3 students (!!!) and a wonderful teacher, so you get SO much out of these lectures!! We talked about opposition today, which was very good for me, as I'm in a true state of panic about that! I got some very good guidelines and hints, but I'm still kind of panicky! Still, I have to wait a little while longer before going insane about something that will take place in mid-Janurary ... right!

The hint of a headache I felt this morning, disappeared during the day, and now I'm feeling on top of the world!! For the first time in what feels like forever, I AM NOT IN PAIN!!! It's just amazing!!! I've been in a tremedous mood all afternoon, and I have energy levels I didn't think possible, after having spent 12 hours away from home! *YAY*

I'm glad I'm back blogging again, I really hope I can keep it up this time! *fingers crossed* With this, I'd also like to say
for neglecting my friends, both online and in real life. I have completely been ignoring Forums and Messages Boards and Blogs, I have been short or practically non-responsive to my friends and those around me lately, and I really am sorry! I guess you know I have a reason for it, but I still can't help but feeling bad about it. I really don't want to ignore any of my friends and those close to me, you are all very special to me and I'm greatful for having the relationships I am now ... so I really don't it to seem like I don't care!
While the next few days to the exam on Friday will be intensly focused on studying, I really hope I will be able to be more pleasant to the people I care about in the future!

Take care everyone!

Thursday, 23 October 2008

In Constant Pain!

Well, apparently these last two weeks of the first part of the semester isn't going to be easy for me. Now I'm basically back on track emotionally (sort of, anyway), but instead I'm battling constant headaches. I have them when I wake up, all through the day (in varying degree) and I have them when I go to bed. The only problem is that most of the time they are bad enough for me not to be able to study - which is NOT GOOD when I'm under so much pressure!
I really am trying every trick I can think of, and nothing seems to work! *deep sigh* I'm now on the third day - which isn't that much really, last fall I think I went something like 13 or 14 days in a row, the only problem now is that I don't have the time for it!!
I'm making priorities as it is right now, to make things work, and I'm prioritizing more than I'd like to, so I really don't have time to spend like 5 hours a day trying to make my head at least function on a basic level!
*frustrated and a little sad*

Things are, as you have probably understood, very intense now. I'm having trouble knowing how to deal with what - and that is made even more difficult when I'm constantly in pain - and I keep making plans and decisions all the time, only to realize I have to change them over and over again ... which makes for a very confusing life right now.
Mostly, the Greek is confusing, because I feel I need to prepare texts for the lectures we have, but I'd rather study for the exam (as these texts we're doing now will not be on the exam), and I know that the exam is more important (because it IS an exam!), and yet I have a hard time coping with not being prepared on lectures ... there have been one major incident and a few minor in regards to this and I really have a hard time dealing with that ... Still, I cannot ignore the fact that I have a huge exam in a week - maybe I should start studying for it!?!?!?!? *frustration again*

I realize this entry doesn't make much sense, blame it on the fact that I've slept 3½ hours, had a rather long day with a constant headache ... and there you go!
I am sorry I'm keeping everything so vague these days, it's not usually the way I blog, but first of all, there are issues I haven't resolved fully myself yet, and then I simply cannot bring myself to write about them here, and second, I am very confused right now, and I don't know what is the best thing to do - in many situations! And trust me, spelling it out for you and giving you all the options I'm struggling with, would be even more confusing! :)

My head is almost co-operating now, so maybe I can at least try to get a few hours studying in ... even though somehow I doubt it ... right now the headache is under control, but I do know these headaches by now, and I know that as soon as I try to concentrate the least little bit, it will return with full force ...
Anybody got any nice suggestions for headaches, I'm happy to listen! *desperate* I am however not too desperate, so nothing to fancy, okay? No acupuncture (which has been suggested by a fellow student) and definitely absolutely NOT a doctor ... but any simple home-cures .... ?!?
Thanks in advance!

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Död i ruta ett, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lecture, studies, errands, another lecture

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

13,000 Visistors!! And Hectic Times!

Wow, 13,000 Visitors!! Thank you all so much for reading my blog (despite my absence now)!! :)
Also, I have added a feature which you can see in the right column, called Follow this blog! Please feel free to use it, and it helps you keep track of my blog, and it helps me to know who keeps track of my blog! :) A Winner For All!

Moving on to more practical matters ... as I have some hectic days coming up now. I basically hope I can survive until November 1st, when I should be able to take a well-earned relaxing holiday - I hope! I know I haven't written here in ages, so I thought I'd give you a little insight to what is actually going on these two weeks. I guess it's not over-the-top, but since I haven't been feeling great, I get tired a lot easier and things usually take longer to finish.
But here we go...

Tomorrow I have lectures (Greek) 8-10. Right after that there is a mentor meeting (which I would have liked to attend, as I have been to very few), but I am meeting my Greek teacher then, for a bit of a run-through of the latest grammar. Since I haven't been doing so great the last few weeks, I feel I have missed some things, and he agreed to take a while after lectures and run it by me again ...
Then I'm meeting Lena at Uni, she has a group exam in her New Testament course, and it's nice to be able to catch up when we're both at the Department at the same time! When I come home, I have a few errands in town that I have been putting off, and I'm definitely hoping to get them done tomorrow! *fingers crossed*

On Thursday I think I "only" have lectures in the morning ... which means I should be able to get home early and get a lot of studying done. *fingers crossed again*

Friday will be a long day. Greek lectures 8-10, and then I'll probably be working on my essay in the library. At 4.15, the professor I had in Old Testament Hebrew (twice!) will give his last lecture at the Department, and I really want to attend. He's one of the better teachers I've had, and it will be a loss to the Department that he won't be teaching anymore - but I'm very much looking forward to his lecture, I'm curious what it will be about!
Anyway, that will mean I'm not home until quite late ...

On Saturday is the Wedding!!! Lena and Tobias are getting married on Saturday, and guess who's invited as the unofficial photographer? *gulp* It's going to be wonderful to be there, but I can't help being a bit nervous. I've only attended one wedding in my life, and that was 15 years ago! And I also actually turned down a wedding invitation from a friend a few years ago, when I wasn't feeling so great ... so yeah, I'm pretty nervous. Will be fun doing a lot of photographing though! :) I'm definitely not a pro in any way, but I enjoy it a lot, and hopefully I'll be able to get some nice shots of the happy couple!

And then things get a bit tricky ... becuase I know I'll probably need some time to wind down and calm myself down after the wedding (things like that always require some "recovery-time" for me, even though I'm doing way better than ever before), and the problem is I don't have that time. Sure, Sunday, but I cannot take Sunday off, because on Monday morning, I have this major essay seminar which I'm in a complete state of panic about!!
I have neglected most of the work on my essay and what I have been doing on it just feels silly and stupid and not something that will ever work out. I have had a few previous bad experiences with essays that didn't get written, and I think that has stuck in my mind, because it seems absolutely impossible for me do work this out. And presenting some of it as a seminar is NOT something I'm looking forward to, especially since everybody is going to have oppinions, you're supposed to bascially defend the parts of your essay you are presenting - SCARY!! I also know that the two professors leading the seminar are very demanding, which I really like ... I'd rather have that than a professor who doesn't care ... but demanding professors also means a LOT more criticism - and I do not take even constructive criticism well. *gulp*
I will be missing a Greek lecture on Monday too, because the lecture and the seminar collides ... but I cannot miss the seminar, so I'm just gonna have to live with it.

The rest of that week is bascially Greek lectures Tuesday and Wednesday, one or two mentor meetings - which I HAVE to attend!!! - and then the huge exam on Friday morning (8 a.m. through 1 p.m.).
And after that, I have a feeling I'll be more dead than alive ...

Yep, that's my "come-back-entry" ... here's what's going on right now, and hopefully I'll be able to sort it out ... I'm not saying everything has to be perfect, but a lot of things now need work if the consequences aren't going to be too dire.
I need to go to all the lectures that are left ... (except the one I'll miss because of the seminar).
I need to at least make a decent impression on the essay seminar, to feel I have any chance of ever finishing this essay.
I need to pass the Greek exam, otherwise things will be very complicated.
And I really want my two "personal challenges" - which is the retirement lecture on Friday and the wedding on Saturday - to work out for me. I know that I'm probably oversensitive when it comes to things like that, I tend to notice things nobody else notices etc. - but I need to feel pretty good about it for my own confidence. Fact of the matter is, the most important thing is how I feel about the things I'm doing, not how everybody else reacts ...

Long entry ... I think I'd better head back to my Greek grammar now, so I'm prepared for tomorrow! :)
Take care!

Pic of the Day:

I just got this sudden craving for ice cream - and what better than to make this the pic of the day! :) It was taking on an outing this summer, and it was the first time I had seen "I" eat ice cream on her own! :) Cutie!

Blog Dedication:
To Lena, whom I know is struggling to make things work out right now! Hang in there - you'll make it work in the end - I have every confidence in you!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Död i ruta ett, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: The X-Files, season 4
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting with the teacher, meeting Lena, running errands, studying

Monday, 20 October 2008

Where Do I Start?!?

Well, where do I start?!?
First off with an apology for not writing here for over a week! *GASP* How did this happen?!?
As you know, I haven't been feeling very well lately, some things happened that made my life take a complete nose dive, and it's been a bit hard picking up the pieces after that!
Last week was basically okay, but rather strange, and I never quite worked up the energy to blog about it. It was very confusing, trying to work out what had happened, how to move on, some strategies I applied didn't work ... well, generally confusing!

Now I have to other choice but to actually make things work - don't much like that scenario, because things tend to go wrong anyway, but this time they simply have to work out, so fingers crossed! I have two very tough weeks coming up, with a lot happening, and pretty much everything has work out, otherwise more or less everything will collapse.

I had a pretty okay day today, though it was rather intense, and I ended up with a pretty bad headache that it took about 5 hours to get rid of. Now I'm hoping for a few hours of studying before bed ...

I will try to get back to you with an update on what's going on, and what lies ahead this next two weeks, but for now, I'd rather get some studying done first. I'll try to make another entry later tonight or tomorrow morning - because if nothing unforeseen happens, I am back on blogging-track now! :)

Take care!

[No Pic of the Day this time, sorry ... maybe in my next entry!]

Saturday, 11 October 2008

A Difficult Entry!

As you may have known, I haven't updated this blog for a while now ... I am not feeling very well at the moment, and that makes it hard for me to write or talk about what is going on publicly.
I did feel the need to make this blog entry though, partly just to let everybody know I'm still around, but also to take this opportunity to tell you why I haven't been online much lately (apologies to Forums, Message Boards and Blog Owners for my absence).

I think this blog is a good way to give these kind of "explanations", even though it might seem a bit rude to my friends and those close to me - I have a feeling they'd rather I actually talked to them about it, but I find that very difficult! I can usually speak about myself and my problems, but I need to have gotten a personal distance to it first, know myself what is going on and why, how I am reacting and why, and what I can do to fix it and to prevent it from happening again. And I haven't quite gotten that far yet.

I don't want to go into specifics, not yet and not publicly, but certain "issues" have come up that has made it difficult for me to handle my everyday-life. What I find very difficult - I don't know if it's like that for everybody or if it's just me - is the fact that once something really bad happens, I tend to need so much time and space and energy that it will have severe consequences for everything in my life, and then these consequences just adds to my problems! If I experience something very difficult, I need to more or less put my entire life on hold until I can deal with that (and we're talking psychically, or emotionally very difficult here) ... unfortunately, life doesn't allow it. Instead my dealing with one problem leads to several other problems, and when I try to deal with them, even more turn up.

I have experienced some similarities to the spring semester 2007, which was a real terror for me, when I was more or less constantly in a depression. I'm far from feeling as bad as I did then, and I do have confidence - knowing the things I do from that experience - that I will be able to sort this mess out somehow ... but an alarming amount of thoughts and emotions from that time seems to manifest themselves with me now - and naturally that has me worried and makes me feel bad.

Like I said, I have confidence I will work this thing out, but I don't know how yet, not how to practically work out the practical problems I have encountered, and not emotionally, working out the emotional problems I have.
As for this blog, there might not be updates every day, but hopefully I will be able to pop in every now and again, and I'm hoping for daily entries again when I'm feeling better.
As for those people close to me, I hope you can understand and respect what I'm going through, and if I am a bit on the quiet side, or won't talk much about myself, I hope you will accept that. It's not that I'm doubting you or don't feel I can talk to you all, but I know myself that I cannot talk about personal things with others, until I have figured them out myself ... and as of yet, I haven't ...

I know this entry is very vague and not very alike my other entries, but after reading it, I hope you all understand why. I will deal with this, but because I am a very "thinking" and rather inward person, I need to deal with it myself first ...

My Best Wishes For A Great Weekend For Everyone!

Pic of the Day:

I had a lengthy conversation with my Dad yesterday, naturally about my adorable sisters, who apparently are growing a lot now. Therefore Pic of the Day will be one of my favourite scraps of them! :)

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Such An Intense Day!

Today has been a very confusing and very intense day, and I can hardly keep my eyes open now, so it'll definitely be an early night for me, that's for sure.
Most things today has turned out really well - as oppose to the last few days or so, when I haven't been feeling all that great - but it has still been a lot of things that have affected me emotionally, and that draws a lot of energy from you!

We had lectures this morning ... it was okay, I suppose. There was once "incident", no panic or anything, but it didn't feel all that great. It didn't affect me nearly as much as it would have a year or two ago, but it still felt a little uncomfortable.
After lectures, I tried gathering some thoughts on my essay, as I had a meeting with my professor about that. A few other students came up and talked to me, and I know I'm repeating myself like a broken record, but I'm SO happy things are working out the way they are at the Department!

I met my professor at 10.15, and I have to say I'm very impressed with him. He's always in a good mood, always has a very positive attitude, and I think what's most important to me is that he is (at least he seems to be and I have no reason to doubt him!) genuinely interested in what you do. I mean, this is a professor who has worked with this stuff for God-knows how many years - feels like he should have "seen it all - heard it all", but he takes an interest in what you do and how you think about things.
Most of all, I got some great help for my essay. It really helped talking things through with him and I got some great advice on how to move forward and what to do next, which was exactly what I needed!

Then I was supposed to get a ton of errands done, all over town ... and I ended up getting none done!! It was quite frustrating actually, as I had planned for it, and had set aside time for it ... guess there's not much to do about it, but at least one thing will be tricky to work out now - and naturally that was the most important one ...

When I got back to the Department I placed myself in the library with the ambition to work on the 20 (at least!!!) sentences we were supposed to prepare for tomorrow ... and I was completely unfocused! I had a headache that turned worse by the minute and I felt totally out-of-it. A friend who also takes Greek now came and talked for a while, but unfortunately that didn't cheer me up much this time - I had so much on my mind, and just felt confused about everything.
A professor in the New Testament showed up, I had him on two courses last semester, and I think he's really nice. We ended up having quite the conversation about essays, Greek and Hebrew, various courses and such, and it was really nice!! Since I want to continue with post-graduate studies eventually, it's wonderful to be able to talk and be fairly relaxed, not only to students but also to teachers and professors!

I should have stayed at Uni for the optional essay-writing course between four and six, but there was no way I could cope, so at 2 o'clock I gave up and came home ...
I've been feeling completely out-of-it ever since I came home ... not really sure why I've been this tired, because even though it has been an intense day (and note I'm not quite comfortable writing everything in a public blog, so reading between the lines make you realize a bit more actually happened).

I also found out that the professor of Old Testament that I have had twice in Hebrew, and like very much, will be holding his last public lecture in a matter of weeks. He's retiring now and will make this one "his goodbye", I suppose. Ever since I found out we would be giving it I have wanted to go, and now I finally found the time and date for it!
Unfortunately, it's tied in with everything else - I guess there's no surprise everything will come at once, right?
Soooooo, on 24 October I will attend his lecture (which is late in the afternoon). On 25 October I'm going to a wedding. On 27 October we have our big essay-seminar, which I'm in total panic about. On 31 October we have our (pretty HUGE) Greek exam .... *gulp*
I wonder how I will live through that week? ;)

Anyway, since I'm more dead than alive right now, I'd better try to get some sleep, if I'm going to survive tomorrow!

Take care!

Pic of the Day:

A lovely night-time photo from the ocean, where the birds are all settling in for the night.

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Guds bok (The Book of God), Walter Wangerin
Currently watching: Family Guy
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lectures, running other errands, studies

Sunday, 5 October 2008

Weekend Over + Blog News!

Wow, the weeks really do fly by now, don't they? A new one starting tomorrow ... already?

This weekend has been pretty "okay", though maybe not great. I did managed to get at least a bit done in my Greek studies, I don't feel I'm quite as far behind as I was feeling last week, though I still wish I had managed to catch up a little more. I know I know a lot, in Greek, but I still feel very insecure. I don't know how much, or how well, the other students know stuff (and it's difficult, because the level in the group is extremely diverse - there are those who know faaar less than I do, but still manage to get the sentences right, and there are those who seems to read fluent Greek without having to do anything), so it's hard for me to tell just how far behind I actually am.

Today has been mostly spent on my essay ... which really isn't going so great! I know I'm probably making this whole essay-thing into something way bigger than it actually is, but I still feel super-confused and I don't know anything. I have soooo many thoughts and embryos to ideas, but I have no idea how to make sense of them, if I can use them, and in that case, how ... I emailed my professor this afternoon, so I'm hoping to get a meeting with him during the week, to really talk this over. I hope I can really talk to him to, tell him how nervous and confused and upset I am about this, and hopefully we can start making sense of it all. I hope ...

This evening I took some relaxation-time and watched the second Stargate movie "Continuum" for the first time - and it was really great!! When I read the back, I was a bit skeptical, as I'm not (**some spoiler warning**) that fond of the time-line-alternating-storylines (I think the SG-1 episodes Moebius Parts 1 and 2 were fantastic, but mostly because of the writing and character work put into them, not so much the storyline ...) - but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by "Continuum" - it was way better than I had anticipated!
It was fantastic to see old familiar faces back in style again - most notably of course, Richard Dean Anderson as General Jack O'Neill! I really like the later seasons of SG-1, Ben Browder did a fantastic job coming in in season 9, but let's face it, Jack O'Neill really belongs in the Stargate universe! :)

Moving on to some blog news!
I have decided to cancel my "Jessica's Daily Pictures" blog as of now. (I have been thinking about it during the weekend) I don't get much out of it, and it has mainly become a pressure to update every day, find nice pictures, make interesting/funny/relevant comments to them etc. and I just don't have time for that.
Instead I will make it a part of this blog ... At the end of - hopefully - most entries here, there will be a "pic-of-the-day", with a short comment. That way I will be able to share all the pictures I want to share, but I will have no pressure to update every single day, and it won't be on a separate blog, it will only be a matter of inserting a pictures into this regular blog. I think that will work out for me, so I'm hoping that will work out for you too! :)
So here goes the first one!

Pic Of The Day

As I have been watching Stargate Continuum today, a tribute to the original SG-1 team here.
Here they are: Teal'c (Christopher Judge), Jack O'Neill (Richard Dean Anderson), Daniel Jackson (Michael Shanks) and Samantha Carter (Amanda Tapping). While I don't think you can see it, the background is actually an image of the wormhole ...

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Guds bok (The Book of God), Walter Wangerin
Currently watching: Finding Forrester
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting Lena, Library, Studies

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Feeling Greek!

Today has been almost entirely spent doing Greek studies - though I'm constantly frustrated at myself for not being able to stay concentrated and focused for longer periods of time. I don't know where that comes from, but I have experienced it ever since coming back from sick-leave some 2½ years ago ... and I can't seem to do anything about it!
I'm taking full-time studies plus an essay (which constitutes as one quarter of full time), which means I should really study 10 solid, intense hours a day (not weekends) to make that work. And there's not a chance in Hell I'm getting even close to that!
Granted, things are "kind of" working out anyway - but still, think what I could accomplish if I could actually put in those hours!
But it seems impossible - I get tired and sidetracked and time flies by and I do a million other things, or I think of a million other things - and that does not constitute concentrated studying. *a little sigh*

I think today has been a bit better ... but it still could have been waaaaay better ... I have at least prepared next chapters sentences - all 25 of them, which means I should be a little ahead there. We're supposed to go through them on Monday, but we probably won't have time to go through all of them, so we will probably continue on Tuesday. I have also gone through various endings and forms (pure grammar) and I think I've got the hang of everything up to Chapter 8 (we're on Chapter 10 now, and 9 is a chapter I think you kind of "figure out" best just by reading text and doing sentences, it's not something you learn by heart) ... I also know almost all the words to the first 8 chapters now (though I need to learn the words for chapter 9, even though I can "skip" some of the grammar).
At least that makes Greek feel "okay", I don't feel good about it - to do that I would have been caught up with chapters 9 and 10 as well today - and have copied my notes ... but I still don't feel like I've fallen to far behind there.

Tomorrow I will focus entirely on my essay. I need to set up a meeting with my professor, preferably sometime during next week (I hope he has the time!), and I need to have something for him to take a look at. I'm hoping I can at least be able to write a rough draft to my Introduction chapter, with most of the areas which is supposed to be included there ... *I hope* Should I feel I have written what I can during tomorrow, there's always tons of books to read - and more Greek grammar to work on. No need to get caught with nothing to do, that's for sure ...

It's 9.30 and while I almost feel stupid, I am tempted to actually go to bed. Since I'm up at 4 a.m. most mornings during the week, Zorro wakes up at about 3.30 and he does not let me sleep ... so I can either stumble up then (yeah right!! *rolling eyes*), or wait for him to calm down. He usually goes back to sleep around 6.30, but when I go back to sleep at 6.30, I have a tendancy to sleep to at least 9 o'clock which is WAY to late for me!!
(I'd like to get up somewhere between 7 or 8 when I have a day off).
So now, if I can get to bed this early tonight, I can get up at say 4.30 tomorrow, maybe get a few hours of studying done, and take a mid-morning nap instead - which would be really nice! I think that's my plan! :)

Good night everyone - hope you are enjoying your Saturday evening!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Diamonds Are Forever, Ian Fleming
Currently watching: Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES (so what else is new??)

Friday, 3 October 2008

Massive Confusion!

I really feel I shouldn't make this blog entry right now, but since I didn't write anything yesterday, I figured I had to say something.

My life is just generally completely confusing right now, and for some reason, I can't seem to find my way out of it - which is confusing in itself! I don't feel like I'm in control of things right now, I need to do things, and think of things, and plan things and prepare for things - and I don't feel I'm doing that now ... And the more I worry about it, the more confused I get!
I try to make plans to be able to find my way out of it, but for some reason, unforseen things happen, I have to abandon my plans, and after that I feel even more confused.

I'm sorry, I'll try not to complain this entire entry - but this entry will therefore be quite short today - as complaining to myself and anybody who will listen is pretty much what is going on in my life right now ...
What actually have been done today is that I have completely Phase One of my Super-Secret Project! *Yay!* Always something! I still have Phase Two and Phase Three left - but number three is pretty light, so now all I have to work out is phase two ... so hopefully I'll be able to work it out in plenty of time for my deadline!

Other than that - not much to say!
Lectures this morning - loads of new confusing Greek stuff! Met up with Lena afterwards and had a chat (mostly me whining ... *oops*), which was really great. We're gonna meet again on Monday, I hope I'll be in a better mood then. After that ... nothing much ... I think ... Confused ... Again ...

Okay, not much point in going on here. I hope you all have a lovely Friday evening.
My thoughts go to those LUCKY people who are able to tune into the SciFi channel tonight, to watch Amanda Tapping's show "Sanctuary" - originally a webbased show that has now been given an oportuntiy to go on Television! I sooooooooo hope for an eventual DVD-release as there's not much chance we'd get it here in Sweden.
I've watched all the webbased episodes and I LOVE them, but they are very short, so it would be fantastic to see it as a regular TV show!
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Not really sure - Ambiguity in Ecclesiastes - or something ...
Currently watching: Stargate Atlantis season 4 (?)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES, STUDIES, STUDIES, STUDIES (possibly laundry)

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Good Day + Weird Day!

Whoa - this is going to be a catch-up entry, as yesterday and today have been very intense days, though in completely different ways ... so here we go.

My Terrible Tuesday Two started with Greek lectures at 8 a.m. Amazingly enough, we were only five students there!! We aren't a big group, like 10 or 11 in total, but five students ... don't think I've ever been to a lecture with so few students!
I got my personal anxiety-training going, as I was asked to read three (!!!) different sentences! *yikes* Thank God I have managed to improve my approach to the whole reading-thing, and that I cope with it in a better way than before! One of the sentences were apparently a bit tricky, and I got tons of follow-up questions on it - I fixed all but one, I got it finally, but it took waaaay to long (and I got way to much help from my teacher *lol*)... At least it felt really really great that I coped the way I actually did - because going through the sentences and all of the questions took it's time, and I was in focus the entire time ... something I'm usually not that good at!

After lectures, we had a mentor meeting ... but it turned out only me and one other guy was staying for it!! At first it felt almost silly, one mentor and two students ... but I got a lot out of it, and it was totally nice (I really like our mentor, and the other student present and I get along really well), and I got a lot out of it!

I was supposed to go to a lecture with our bishop at 11.15, but our mentor meeting took its time, and I didn't check the clock until it was 11.30 *yikes*! It felt a bit sad I missed the lecture, because I really wanted to go - I've never seen/heard our bishop (*a little ashamed*) and I think it would have been a great way of establishing myself at the Department even more - but I didn't make it, and I have to deal with that!

I went out for lunch before settling in the library with commentaries on Ecclesiastes - but after about an hour Lena showed up, so I got a break. She was having an Old Testament exam, so we had some coffee and talked a bit. During our break, a few other students showed up, among others my Greek-mentor - and I am constantly amazed at how well things work socially right now! :) I ended up one-on-one with my mentor, I haven't had much contact with her before (though we are both writing essays for the same seminar!), but it worked really really well, and that felt great!
Then I continued my essay studies for about two hours, and by then I felt more dead than alive - but then it was time for the optional essay course. It does keep pretty terrible hours (4-6!), but they give me SO much, I really don't regret taking it!!! It would be even better if I had gotten a bit more done on my essay, but I still feel I get a lot out of it!!

I was taking the 6.20-train home, feeling pretty worn out, when all of a sudden I spotten Sara and Martin!!! *yay* I haven't seen Sara since just the beginning of the semester - and I haven't seen Martin in AGES (can't even remember when *ooops*), so it was really wonderful to see them again, and do some catching up during the train ride!! We do have a dinner planned (me, Sara, Martin, Johanna and Per), but we haven't set a date yet, so we're gonna have to get busy on that!

When I got home I was completely out-of-it, so all I managed to do was eat a little and cuddle with Zorro, before stumbling into bed.

Today ... wow ... today has been very weird indeed.
Lectures this morning, which started a whole chain of very emotional thoughts with me. In retrospect, most of what happened was actually really great - but it still turned around into a negative spin. I had hoped to write my way out of it on the way home, but today of all days I had forgotten my diary. I knew I had to start writing when I got home, but I was so mixed up, it took almost all day to sort out all my thoughts and emotions - and I'm still feeling very confused.

I'm not going to Uni tomorrow - we were supposed to prepare 35 sentences (!) and there's no way I could do that today ... but I still feel I'm up-to-speed and that I will cope and work it out, so I'm not beating myself up over it.

Since my mind has been very occupied today, I haven't been able to get much studying done - but I have really gotten started on my super-secret-project now. That in itself is a good thing, because I clearly realized I have a deadline which is approaching, so I can't take all the time in the world in getting it finished either ...

Now I'm starting to feel really tired - I hope to get some more work done on the project, but then I'm off to bed!
Good Night!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Some Ecclesiastes commentary (a few actually)
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Prologue, Les Miserables London Original Cast
My Plans for tomorrow:Studies, project