5 Months - Difficult Day

Today it's been exactly 5 months since Zorro died ... and while I realize some people may think I should be over this now, I'm not! I can function, I can go through certain parts of a day without thinking about him, or how much I miss him - but whenever I do think about him (and I do, a lot - and I don't want to stop!) it feels like someone is cutting my heart open with a knife!

Five months is quite a long time - and yes, in most aspects of my practical life I am getting used to him not being there. It's not the same torture to come home alone now, with no one waiting for you at the door, with no one demanding your attention, with no one feeling happy that you are home again. And I can sleep in the bedroom now, which was completely impossible the first month after his death - I can go to bed alone now ...
But the knowledge that I will never ever see him again, never hear him, never feel him, it's just killing me - it's tearing me up inside and it is a wound that is nowhere near healing yet.

Unfortunately (I guess) I had a pretty heavy day today! While I do love what I'm doing at the moment, and I generally feel things are working out now, better than before, I can't help but wish I could have had a day today where I didn't have to do anything.
I had a slow morning, which I think was good, I needed to prepare in order to cope with this day.
I went to Uni around 10 and met Elisabet when I got to the Department! We fixed the coffee and stuff for our mentor meeting and we had lectures at 11. These texts are really interesting and there were also some grammatical issues raised. I'm usually very interested in that and I feel I do know a fair bit of Hebrew grammar now - but I felt these issues came at the wrong time ... I was completely off today and I think I could have done a lot more of it if I had been feeling better.

At 1 we had the mentor meeting and our mentor supervisor came to visit, she stayed for about half of the meeting. The attendance has improved which is so much fun, both last week and today we had seven students which is amazing (there were a few meetings where there were two of them!) and it opens up for really constructive discussions! Overall I felt the meeting went really well, and it was a nice balance between the students own initiatives and our planning - and hopefully the students got something out of it too!

After the meeting I managed to get a book I've been wanting for a while now, and the timing couldn't have been better. It's a book the OT students have to read, called "Creation and the persistence of evil" by Jon Levenson. I really should have read it last year, for the essay I was writing, but I didn't have the time. I think the theme is really exciting and it so happens that the OT course will have a seminar on this book on Monday. It's been a bit difficult to obtain, but I managed to get it today, so with a bit of speed reading over the weekend, hopefully I can follow the seminar discussion on Monday, even though I'm not supposed to take active part in it!

I haven't gotten anything done this afternoon, but considering what day it is and how I feel, I'm not surprised, and I'm not beating myself up about it either ... I guess all I can do is hope for a better tomorrow! Naturally, all the feelings I have for Zorro are still there, it's just that on special occasions or when I really think about him or come across something that really remind me of him, I tend to loose control completely!
I can make things work if I don't think about him, but every time I do, I go to pieces. And I don't want to go the rest of my life actively trying to not think about him ...

I did get a text message from Sara and Johanna tonight, they wanted us to finally get together again!!! YAY! It was ages since we saw each other and it always seems like one of us can't make it if we plan something! At least it seems like we can all meet on April 29 and I'm SO looking forward to that!!!

I don't really think I'll get any sleep tonight, but I'm hoping for some constructive personal writing will help, at least it gives me a chance to really vocalize what I feel and hopefully make some sense of it. Even though it doesn't make my feelings go away, it tends to make it easier to deal and cope with them ...

I found this graphic when I was going through all my computer files to transfer to my new computer ... I had actually forgotten I had made it, but now I love it - even though it breaks my heart to know that the team is now broken up ....

Parting the Red Sea!

I couldn't help the title - and it always makes me think of a quote from Stargate SG-1, the season 8 episode "Reckoning (part 2)" (I think ...?), where Sam (Amanda Tapping) says:
"You know, you blow up one sun and everyone expects you to walk on water ... next up, parting the Red Sea!"
*LOL*

Anyway, since I feel like I'm more or less living in Exodus right now, I felt the connection made sense ... sort of! :)

I went to Uni fairly early today, I was there about 8.20 and got about 1½ hours work on my master's thesis done - reading an article on how to connect the Hittite suzerainty treaties between the Hittite king and his vassals to the Biblical mosaic covenant. Quite interesting!

At 10 there was an OT lecture, this time focusing on ... parting the Red Sea! *lol* (which, of course, never was the Red Sea, but I guess it's easier to refer to it that way because most people know what it is). Another very interesting lecture, and I'm even more looking forward to the rest of the lectures this week, as those texts will focus more on the covenant at Sinai and the ten commandments - and I'm doing my master's thesis on the covenant! :)

After lectures, Elisabet and I had lunch and planned the mentor meeting on Friday. It's a lot more difficult to find things to do on this part of the course, but I think we came up with a good plan, so hopefully the students will get something out of it as well.

Then I went to the library to get some more work done, but I quickly realized I need to work on my computer now, and of course I hadn't taken Sammy with me (as I'm dragging lots of other stuff these days - including two Bibles!) ... I guess I'm going to have to take him as well in the future. I do need to find a "bag" or something, to carry him in though. I have one, which is really good, but it's quite huge and it's quite difficult to get the computer in and out of the bag - and if I have to take it with me every day I feel I should look for something a bit smaller and easier to handle ... Guess I'll have to keep an eye open for that ...
I ended up going home early and I have gotten some work done tonight, although you always feel like you could do more!

I'll finish on the same theme I started with, Stargate SG-1 - some old graphics! And I guess you can tell my favourite character/actress is Sam Carter/Amanda Tapping?! *lol*
Enjoy!

Headache and Exodus

While the title may appear strange, my day has basically focused on these two things! :)

I woke up with a headache, which made me change my original plans for the day. I went to Uni for a lecture on Exodus 3, as it is a very exciting text - but I didn't have the energy to stay and study after the lecture, so I went straight home.
I tried to cure the headache and eventually managed, although it took most of the afternoon. I have gotten some cleaning done tonight, and I went on a really long and absolutely lovely walk! I haven't been since mid-autumn I think, and I had forgotten how wonderful it can be! Lovely spring weather, about 15 degrees (C) and the sun setting creating gorgeous colours! I was out for about 1h15min which was a lot longer than I had intended - but I think it did me good.

The headache is almost gone now, but I am feeling rather tired and numb. I'm hoping to get a bit more sleep tonight and hopefully I'll feel all better tomorrow.

I did take some photos on my walk but I haven't transferred them from the camera to Sammy the Computer yet. I have (earlier) managed to finally move and organize all my files and images on Sammy, so I'm going to share some old graphics with you instead - these are from The Lord of the Rings movies!
Enjoy!





And here are a few graphical variations of the same Gandalf-graphic ... hope you like them!

A Bit Of This And That

I still feel sleep deprived which is starting to take it's toll on me. It's not that I can't sleep, the problem is that I can't fall asleep! It feels like I've tried everything, but so far, no luck! I guess I have to hope that my holiday trip will make things change.

Speaking of which ... I will leave on Wednesday morning to visit my families for the holidays, and I will be back late on January 3rd. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone, but it will be tough since it will be my first trip there without Zorro in a long time. It will also be quite difficult to celebrate Christmas without him.

This pas Friday, finally, my Les Misérables in Concert 25th Anniversary DVD finally arrived - yay! :) I got an email on November 24, saying it had been shipped, so I was starting to get seriously worried - but at least it did arrive and of course I watched it almost immediately! :) I won't make a real review of it, after only having seen it once, but I don't think I can help myself from making a few comments!

I love the fact that the 25th anniversary concert is so much longer than the 10th anniversary concert (TAC), they have included almost the entire musical which was fantastic! That being said, I was absolutely horrified to realize they removed "Little People"!! *gasp* I'm in love with the Original London version so I was a bit let down when they changed it to another version - but removing it completely (almost), that's almost criminal, isn't it?
I have to say the stage in general was better than in TAC, more props and set pieces, which made for a better dynamic on stage. Unfortunately I felt that many of the performers didn't quite take advantage of that. They still use microphone stands - is it really that impossible to use head-mics?? - and that made a lot of the cast just "stand there" instead of trying to interact with one another.

It was great to see that they included the speeches at the end (Cameron McIntosh, Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg) - I still will never understand why they removed the TAC speeches from the DVD when they are included in the video.
The finale with the 1985 cast was absolutely amazing! While I think only Michael Ball from that cast are among my favourites, it was fantastic to see them all on stage together - and the four Jean Valjeans (Colm Wilkinson, John Owen-Jones, Simon Bowman and Alfie Boe) was also wonderful (gotta say, that was a really nice version of "Bring Him Home"!)!

Oops, quite a few comments there ...:)
Unfortunately I won't get the chance to watch the DVD any more before I leave, but I will try to watch it and make a proper review when I get back here in January.

While I haven't been at Uni that much lately, I made an appearance there this past Friday. I didn't get that much done, but I managed to borrow a book from the library, and I also ran into an old friend there, that I haven't seen in quite a while. We ended up talking for about an hour, and that was really nice! Not much has been working out at Uni lately, so it came as a bit of a list. We also found out we'll be going to the same seminar tomorrow afternoon.

This weekend has been a bit tough, with regards to Zorro. It goes up and down, which is only natural, I guess... At times, things work, and I can go about my business without constantly thinking about him - but then at times, the grief just stabs me like a knife straight though the heart - and just trying to grasp the fact that I have to live the rest of my life without him, and that I will never ever see him or hear him or feel him ever again ... well, that's what makes me lie sleepless at nights ...

I'm right now in the middle of the last preparations for my trip but I will hopefully be able to update the blog at least once before I leave.
Take care!

4 Weeks ~ 1 Month

Yesterday it was 4 weeks.
Tomorrow it will have been 1 month.
Still finding it hard to believe.

I know there are a lot of people out there who doesn't quite understand this - and naturally everyone handles grief differently and not everyone looks at animals and pets the same way. I get the feeling that I "should be over this by now" ... and I'm not. I know that most people would never say "it's just a pet - it's not so bad" or words to that affect, but somehow that's the feeling I get anyway. And I can't help feeling the way I do. I spent almost every day for ten years and four months with Zorro, occasionally I would leave him for a weekend and a couple of trips to London but that was it ... Also taking into account that for the first say four-five years we had together, I did not feel well at all, I was on sick leave and was home basically 24/7.
We did develop a very deep relationship, and I know several people who spontaneously told me that after having seen us together - and I don't think I will get over his death any time soon.
I know I have to deal with the realities of life, and I think I have started. I felt a bit more in sync with life at the end of last week and naturally life does go on - but I still think I will be grieving for a long time yet.

Weekend Over + Blog News!

Wow, the weeks really do fly by now, don't they? A new one starting tomorrow ... already?

This weekend has been pretty "okay", though maybe not great. I did managed to get at least a bit done in my Greek studies, I don't feel I'm quite as far behind as I was feeling last week, though I still wish I had managed to catch up a little more. I know I know a lot, in Greek, but I still feel very insecure. I don't know how much, or how well, the other students know stuff (and it's difficult, because the level in the group is extremely diverse - there are those who know faaar less than I do, but still manage to get the sentences right, and there are those who seems to read fluent Greek without having to do anything), so it's hard for me to tell just how far behind I actually am.

Today has been mostly spent on my essay ... which really isn't going so great! I know I'm probably making this whole essay-thing into something way bigger than it actually is, but I still feel super-confused and I don't know anything. I have soooo many thoughts and embryos to ideas, but I have no idea how to make sense of them, if I can use them, and in that case, how ... I emailed my professor this afternoon, so I'm hoping to get a meeting with him during the week, to really talk this over. I hope I can really talk to him to, tell him how nervous and confused and upset I am about this, and hopefully we can start making sense of it all. I hope ...

This evening I took some relaxation-time and watched the second Stargate movie "Continuum" for the first time - and it was really great!! When I read the back, I was a bit skeptical, as I'm not (**some spoiler warning**) that fond of the time-line-alternating-storylines (I think the SG-1 episodes Moebius Parts 1 and 2 were fantastic, but mostly because of the writing and character work put into them, not so much the storyline ...) - but I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by "Continuum" - it was way better than I had anticipated!
It was fantastic to see old familiar faces back in style again - most notably of course, Richard Dean Anderson as General Jack O'Neill! I really like the later seasons of SG-1, Ben Browder did a fantastic job coming in in season 9, but let's face it, Jack O'Neill really belongs in the Stargate universe! :)

Moving on to some blog news!
I have decided to cancel my "Jessica's Daily Pictures" blog as of now. (I have been thinking about it during the weekend) I don't get much out of it, and it has mainly become a pressure to update every day, find nice pictures, make interesting/funny/relevant comments to them etc. and I just don't have time for that.
Instead I will make it a part of this blog ... At the end of - hopefully - most entries here, there will be a "pic-of-the-day", with a short comment. That way I will be able to share all the pictures I want to share, but I will have no pressure to update every single day, and it won't be on a separate blog, it will only be a matter of inserting a pictures into this regular blog. I think that will work out for me, so I'm hoping that will work out for you too! :)
So here goes the first one!

Pic Of The Day



As I have been watching Stargate Continuum today, a tribute to the original SG-1 team here.
Here they are: Teal'c (Christopher Judge), Jack O'Neill (Richard Dean Anderson), Daniel Jackson (Michael Shanks) and Samantha Carter (Amanda Tapping). While I don't think you can see it, the background is actually an image of the wormhole ...

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Guds bok (The Book of God), Walter Wangerin
Currently watching: Finding Forrester
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting Lena, Library, Studies

Happy Anniversary: Another Day - Another Destiny!

This blog celebrates it's second birthday today! :)
I started it on 20 September 2006, after having problems with another blog here at Blogger. I honestly haven't made a lot of internet projects work lately, but this blog seems to be doing pretty well - well over 12,000 visitors isn't bad, right?!

I would like to make a request to my readers though, seeing as I'm celebrating at all. While the counter keeps climbing, I get very few comments on this blog. I know who some of the readers are, but it would be very nice to just hear something from those that actually take the time to read this blog ... :) It doesn't take long to just leave me a line letting me know that you're out there, maybe where you're from ...
I'm basically writing this blog for myself, of course, it's very personal and deals with my life, my thoughts and my activities, but it's very nice to see (and hear from) others that are reading it!
Thanks! :)

A lot has happened to me personally, during these past few years, and I think this development has been made visible here in the blog as well. From being more or less just off sick-leave and just starting to find my way around University studies and my life in general, I now have a stable life, I'm happy with what I'm doing, I have a number of goals in my life, that I'm fighting to achieve, and that actually also seem quite possible!
I think I've also grown a lot on a personal level, I have become an adult in a way that I don't think I was in 2006, and I feel quite good about that. I'm learning to actually like who I am, dealing with the parts I don't like, but coming to terms with who I am and what I want to do with my life and myself.

I'm naturally hoping visitors will come back, I will do my very best to keep this blog up and running with regular entries. If you feel anything is missing, if there are any kind of entries you feel you want more, or less, of, please don't hesitate to let me know (you can leave a comment and be anonymous if you like)!

Thank you again for these past two years!

Mood: Improved!

My mood has been better today ... though I guess it hardly could get any worse than yesterday! :)
I got up in decent time this morning, and while it's still very hot, I've managed to keep my indoor temperature around 28 degrees - which is better than 30-32, right?! *a little ironic smile*

I arrived at Uni at about a quarter to ten, and was soon deeply involved in translating hymns. Time practically flew by, which I guess is both good and bad. Good in the sense that I didn't feel it was very boring at all - and bad in the sense that everything took forever ... and I don't really have 'forever' to prepare ...

My Hebrew group took their final exam today, and I was keeping my fingers crossed for them, and hoping it wouldn't be a totally horrible exam. Lena had promised to let me know when she finished, and she showed up after a while. She wasn't thrilled - but I still have a very strong feeling she's done really well! :)
A couple of other students showed up as the hours passed, and I still can stop and just be amazed at how well my social situation is going now ... I'm talking to people, and people - other students - are actually stopping to talk to me!! Something that was virtually impossible - and I really, really mean that!! - some two years ago! I will definately have to take some time to reflect on this entire semester after my exam is done ... both here - and I know my Swedish blog will be getting several entries on what's been going on the last few months ... and I'm also planning on setting aside something like 8-10 hours for writing in my regular diary! :)

Anyway, I stayed at Uni studying until about 2.30 ... I was completely exhausted and felt a little down as I hadn't gotten as much done as I'd hoped! When I left I noticed the library will go on 'summer opening hours' from next week, meaning they will only be open 10-2 ... what a rip-off!! Not much point in going to Uni then, I guess ... have to study at home instead ...

I went down to Malmö to meet a good friend - but it turned into a great mix-up ... we met eventually and had a lovely chat ...
I was hardly able to get home though, aparently there had been a fire in a train-set during the afternoon so there were some heavy dealys and I wasn't home until 7 p.m. For some unknown reason, Zorro has been totally calm and quiet tonight - I don't get it!?!? Not that I'm complaining, definately not, I'm just very surprised!
So to honor this, som pictures of my little darling:







I'm planning the last full-day at Uni tomorrow, so I'm gonna try to get to bed soon ... unfortunately - despite the balcony door has been open since I got home - my bedroom feels like a tropical island (minus the beach, the ocean and the lovely drinks!!), so I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to sleep much ....

Today's Blog Dedication: To the Hebrew group I've been studying with this semester, for completing their final exam! *YAY* I really hope you all did very well!!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Theology of the Old Testament, Walter Bruggemann
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5
Currently listening to: Standing, Once More With Feeling (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
My Plans for tomorrow: Full-study-day at Uni, shopping at a newly-opened store a bit north of town.

Biblical Interpretation: GOOD BYE!

YES - I have finally emailed the last two papers to my professor and this course is finally over!!! Not before time either, because I have now exactly 15 days to learn everything I need to for my five-week-reading-course ... *gulp* Still, I feel pretty good tonight, because even though I'm stressed out over the reading course and have quite a severe headache, at least I'm done with the Biblical Interpretation course!
*YAY* *YAY* *YAY* *YAY*

Today has been rather rough though ...
I was working like crazy on the last paper yesterday ... I kept going until midnight, and by then I couldn't put a Swedish sentence together, so I stumbled to bed and fell asleep at about 12.30 ... had the alarm set at 4 a.m. and stumbled up. Was at work again at 4.45 and kept writing until 6, when I was ready to print my draft and get ready.
Lectures at 8, and I was feeling more dead than alive, so I had a bit of a hard time focusing ...
We were done at 10 and then I sat for almost 3 hours in the library, and started reading a book for my reading-course.
Another Old Testament lecture at 1, and by this time I was really worn out. Five students presented their interpretation-papers, so I didn't have to be quite so focused, which was kind of lucky, because I tended to drift away at times ... *ooops*
We were done at three, and then I ran some errands in town, before taking the train home. By then I was completely out-of-it, and I had a pretty bad dizzy spell on the city bus home, actually so bad I was afraid I was going to faint - and I never feel like that, not even during a panic attack ... so I guess I really was a bit too tired!
I got home with a pretty bad headache, so it took me about 1½ hours to get it reduced to bareable. Then Johanna called, which made it a bit better, and we started talking about tomorrow, when we're going on a picnic to a famous Swedish [former] castle, called Sofiero!! I feel a bit too stressed out to be completely happy about it, but after talking to Johanna, I really started to look forward to it as well! :) (Will bring back pictures tomorrow) Also good we're meeting early, because I can't afford to make it a late night - with a hangover the next day (particularly as I have lectures at 8!!)!

After Johanna called my mood improved a bit, so I changed the last details, and added a few paragraphs I had missed, to my two Biblical Interpretation papers, and actually sent them!!!!! Which means I'm FINALLY done with this course!!! It has been very tough getting through it (even though I've enjoyed it) and it has seriously felt like I've never ever gotten done, but now I finally finally AM DONE!
I have also decided that should this not be enough, and I will have to do more, or add or change things in order to pass, it will have to wait until August!! I can not give this course any more time, I must focus everything on getting the reading course going now ... so even if that means my grade will have to wait until August - so be it! And the positive side of it is: I can truly, truly say that I have left the Biblical Interpretations course behind me now!!!!
*YES*
Now I almost only have one course to focus on ... pretty cool!

My mind is feeling pretty out-of-it now, so I'm gonna go to bed early tonight - and hopefully get some work done on the reading course tomorrow before heading off on picnic! :)
Take care, guys!

Today's Blog Dedication:To Christopher Lee, who celebrates his 86th birthday today! Happy Birthday, Mr. Lee! (To me he will always be Bond villian Scaramanga, but below is a graphic of him as Saruman from 'Lord of the Rings')





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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Det sårbara livet, Fredrik Lindström
Currently watching: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 3
Currently listening to: Les Miserables Deutsche Originalaufnahme
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, picnic with friends

A Very Long Day Indeed!

Oh wow, it seems incredible I'm even here blogging! I'm completely exhausted and am serioiusly considering going to bed at 8 p.m.!! :)

Yesterday was pretty terrible, I don't really know why, but the entire day was horrible! *shivers* Which of course I'm paying for now, since I didn't get much done, and now am even more behind! *deep sigh*
I stumbled up early this morning, and went to Uni around nine ... sat in the library constantly studying (except for an 8 minute long banana-coffee break <-- lunch!) until 3 p.m. - did get some stuff done, but most of this is very abstract with lots of lovely phrases and words nobody understands ... well, the problem arises when you're supposed to actually put words down on paper considering those fancy words and phrases you can't grasp the mening of ... It will not be easy to complete this paper, that's for sure!! At 3.15 we had the first of two seminars ... and I think the basic idea is really good - but I'm not sure if I think it turned out so good ... We're supposed to present our paper to the other members of a smaller group (though not me today as I was SO not ready!), and the other members are supposed to give feedback or even "challenge" the presentator so he or she can really clarify why they've written what they have, why they've reached a certain conclusion etc ... AND we were also supposed to discuss some "questions" presented to us at the beginning ... I felt it was interesting to sit in our little groups, but not much "happened" ... We mostly talked about how difficult things were and two members presented their work, but it was more like we just listened to it, I didn't experience much interaction ... Ah well - in one way or another I guess I'll survive both the second seminar on Thursday and the paper in itself ... We were done until after 5 p.m. so I wasn't home until 6 and by then I was completely out of it! I've eaten a little and spent some time in front of the computer, but there's not a chance in Hell I'm going to be able to study any more tonight - so I think I'll go to bed, and maybe I can get in a little while of studying before Old Testament lectures tomorrow ... might be a bit optimistic as I have to leave at 6.45, but who knows!? :) I made two Amanda Tapping graphics using a digi-scrap kit I downloaded a while back, I think they turned out pretty nice! Take care!



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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Various commentaries/dictionaries and other books, mostly concerning Biblical Interpretation of Deuteronomy
Currently watching: Ice Hockey Championships (Switzerland-Russia, I think?)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament lectures, studies - both at home at at Uni

Bothered By The Heat!

We're currently in a heat wave here and I don't like it!! I've never liked the heat, and I don't think I ever will. Granted, I can take it if I know I don't have to do anything at all and can just relax with a good book and a cold shower nearby, but otherwise, I really really don't like it!!!
You can't help but feel stupid too, because everybody is just soooo excited about it being so lovely weather and the sun is shining and it's nice and hot outside and blah blah blah ... and you just hate it ....

I've tried working on Biblical Interpretation studies today - just realized I'm gonna totally have to focus on that for the next 1½ weeks or so ... partly the essay we're writing and partly the article I'm going to discuss with the professor at some point, since my migraine attack stopped me from being there for the oral presentation ... But I haven't gotten much done, the heat has totally bothered me all the time - I'm having extreme difficulties concentrating and my mood has been outright horrible!!

I overslept too, so the morning was totally slow, and I had to go shopping - hoping also that I might feel a bit more upbeat if I at least got out of the apartment ... but the only result from the shopping trip was extreme sweating, difficulty breathing (due to heat combined with allergies I think) and also some rather nasty dizzy spells, which had me a bit worried! I don't really think there's something serious, it's probably from being exhausted, but I guess my body really is telling me I've done enough now! Unfortuntately, Uni doesn't think so ...

Aparently we're gonna get equally hot tomorrow - GAAAAH! - but better (that is: colder!!) starting next week! Unfortunately, I have a really intense workload tomorrow, so I'm not sure how I'm gonna cope with that if I'm gonna have to do it in a 30-degree heat!

Sorry about the whining, I'm just in a terrible mood!! I spent some time in front of the computer tonight, so I did a Philip Quast wallpaper ... not that happy about it, but I guess it's okay ...




Take care!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Biblical Interpretation stuff
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 10
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies!!

Slightly Schizophrenic

This weekend has certainly not been the greatest ... seems like I kind of hate weekends now, but everything works out really well during the week! *very weird*

I have actually gotten started on my third course now - the reading course in Hebrew - and about time too!! However, I hadn't quite anticipated it to be so intense, it's more work than I thought and everything is taken forever to finish! Also, there are things I can't for the life of me figure out, which makes it all the more frustrating!
But I am feeling almost dizzy now - trying to read and write a lot for Biblical Interpretation, translating Hebrew and reading litterature for the reading course, AND translating and taking lecture-notes for the regular Old Testament course! *shakes head*

I've been trying to study as best I can - but I'm completely exhausted and seeing as I have so much to do these days and everything takes so long, it's hard not to feel like giving up! I don't think I will - things have worked out fantastically well this semester, and it would be marvellous to finish it in a good way - but I can't say that I'm feeling great and happy and generally confident, that's for sure!
Also, I usually get spring depressions, which I haven't had this year yet, so I'm guessing that might be a cause for my tiredness and for feeling a bit down.
Hopefully I'll feel a bit better during the week, I usually do! :)

Take care - I hope you all had a great weekend!!





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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Dans med en ängel, Åke Edwardsson
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 4
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Old Testament + Biblical Interpretation lectures - general studying

Mad At Myself!

I'm trying to get over an angry attack on myself that I had earlier today ... at least I'm coping with being around myself now, I guess that's a step in the right direction, right?! :)

Hebrew lecture 8-10 this morning, worked out quite well. Every minute going by I get reaffirmed this really is what I want to do, I am so interested and fascinated by absolutely everything - that's quite an amazing feeling actually!
I went straight home afterwards, and then things went a bit out of control! I fixed and ate lunch, and caught up a bit online. I felt really tired, so I got some coffee and thought I'd feel a bit better. I sat down, Zorro came and before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep - and I slept for two hours!!!! Totally NOT a good idea! I know that really says I am way too tired, but I can't really take that into account, because I don't have the time!!! The day only has 24 hours and I have to use as many of them as possible .... So that got me really mad about myself!! After that "little nap", I had such a hard time getting really awake, but at least I've been studying pretty effectively since about 5 p.m. - I guess that's something, right?!

Otherwise not much to report. Tomorrow will be a heavy day, with Old Testament (Hebrew) 8-10, studying at the Department, meeting friends for lunch at 11.30 and then Biblical Interpretation-lecture 1-3. We'd talked about having a 'sushi-night' as well, I've never even tried sushi - *ashamed* - but it looks like we all have a lot to do right now, so we might postpone it until things calm down a bit.

Unfortunately, I think I'm coming down with a cold ... probably as a result of the weekend with the kids! I do not have time to get sick, but I spoke to my Dad earlier and at least they hadn't gotten fevers there (yet!), so I'm hoping I can avoid that, at least! I'm trying every cure I can think of now ...
My back isn't really great either, I must have done something to it when I tried dragging Zorro home from Helsingborg ...
Ah well, I shouldn't complain!! Mostly things go really well for me now, so I should certainly be able to handle a few minor set-backs!

Made some new Amanda Tapping graphics too (actually, they're some kind of graphic/digi-scrap mix, but that works as well, right?! *lol*)! Enjoy!







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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Trying to go through lots of litterature at the same time - very confusing!
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, "The Tomb"
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Brazil Cast
My Plans for tomorrow: Double lectures, lunch with friends, studies

Stupid Weekends!

Well, keeping in line with my "new life", my weekends continue to suck!
I had a really great Friday, that was a wonderful day - completely relaxing from studies and just doing whatever I felt like ... amazing!!
However, I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and pains in my chest ... and soon came the fever!! I simply cannot get sick now, that's just not part of the plan, period!! I have tried every cold-cure I could think of - including chewing raw garlic, and I can only say I understand why that's supposed to work on vampires, that's for sure ... sooooo terrible!! At times I have seemed to get better, and overall I think I am, but I still get fever peaks, and I feel really tired and 'out-of-it' ... *sigh*
I had planned to get soooo much done during the weekend, and ... well, not much of it happened! I am greatful I didn't have any heavy studying that I had to do, for an exam or something, but I still would have liked to get stuff done - repeating Hebrew, cleaning, laundry and lots of other stuff I have postponed due to studies ... And on Tuesday I start the New Testament course, so then it's full speed ahead again ...

I really do hope I have nipped this cold in the bud, so I can start getting on with things tomorrow morning, because I really need to!!! And I do not have time to get sick, and that's final! :)

Finising off with some Stargate-graphics! :)







Hope you guys had a great weekend!

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nothing, actually ....
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 4
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, Hebrew lecture, hopefully some cleaning

Drastic Actions!

Well, I didn't get much response to my post on my websites and such, and since I've had a pretty rotten day today, I decided to get a bit drastic tonight!
I haven't finished going through everything (currently downloading the stuff from the websites I'm removing, to at least have some backup), but I have decided what will stay and what will go! :) I will make a separate webpage with the URL to all my websites that are current and active, when I've finished everything - naturally you will get the link here, so you can have everything in one place.

So far though, it looks like ending up like this:
Blogs:

• Another Day - Another Destiny
• Ytterligare ett försök - version 2.0 (Swedish)
• Att leva med social fobi (Swedish)
• Stargate SG-1 (will have a new look and a new URL)

Forums:

• The World of 007 (looks like the activity might pick up there now, so I'm keeping it for a while at least)
• Possibly a Forum connected to my Flying Doctors site

Websites:

• Jessica's Flying Doctors Page (will go through a make-over and a move to a new URL first)

That's it!! I've removed a number of blogs, will close at least two websites and have deleted two forums ... yup, I'd say that qualifies for a drastic evening, wouldn't you?
Still, websites and such are supposed to be fun, right? Mine was only causing me stress and trouble and problems, so no use in keeping them, right?! :)

Oh yeah, I downloaded this really cool digi.scrap-kit earlier, and found out it would work very well for graphics! :) What do you think?





Like I've said, I've had a pretty rotten day today, but I hope it was a temporary set-back and that I can be back-on-track tomorrow again! :)

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My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Brotherhood of the Rose (David Morrell)
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Bring Him Home, Les Misérables 10th Anniversary Concert
My Plans for tomorrow: Very confusing, no idea!