Whoa, this semester sure has started off in an intense way, that's for sure!
Still, it's probably the best start of a semester I've had in a great long while, so I'm not complaining about the intensity! :)
Where do I start?
Monday morning was the introduction to the Bible Studies course where I am mentor, so I was going to give them a little information regarding the mentor activity and invite them to the first meeting. Obviously I have done this before (though on another course) and I do know what to say, but I'm still very nervous and anxious about these things, so I didn't sleep much and was up before dawn trying to prepare myself as best I could.
Everything worked smoothly, I had a moment to tell the teacher I wanted a few minutes and it was fine with her - but it was a large group, they were between 25 and 30 students ... On the Hebrew course they usually start out around 15 and end up being 10 ... sort of! :) But I have to say that I don't think my anxiety increased because it was a larger group, and I guess that is a good thing! I think it is the fact that I'm standing up in front of people with all attention directed at me that is the problem, not whether it's six or twelve or fifty people.
So anyway, a lot of information first, from the student counsellor, from the NT teacher and from the OT teacher - and then it was my turn! I think it went okay, pretty good ... I do know I tend to talk WAY to fast (because of the anxiety!), I find it very hard to slow down - and that's a bad thing ... but I think I got the information out that I needed, I got eye contact with a lot of the students etc. so it felt pretty good! :)
We had a bit more of a "usual lecture" toward the end and we were done around ten.
I was pretty exhausted afterwards and didn't quite know how to pass the time, but I ended up reading a few articles for my thesis and I think I at least understood some of it! Points for effort? :)
At 2 p.m. I was meeting with the professor, and it ended up being a pretty good meeting! I felt I knew a bit more about the subject than when I met him last, I had an idea on how to proceed and he approved it - so it was basically a question of detailing what needed to be done and what perspective to take on things. However ...
However, it turns out I'm going to have TONS to do now, I have to send him in a rough draft on September 25, and I have A LOT to do until then! And that does make me a bit nervous, I can't help that! Still, I enjoy doing it and I have the mentor activity to not get too caught up in stressing over my writing - and again, I REALLY have found my place, I love being around the Department and around the people there, so I just simply have to make sure I work as hard as I can during these weeks and hopefully I have accomplished something! :)
Tuesday was really NOT a good day, so I'm just going to not say anything about that - and instead move on to yesterday, Wednesday.
Basic plan was lectures 8-10, first mentor meeting 10-11 and sort of an introductory meeting for students taken (some) advanced level courses and/or writing advanced level essays at 1.
For various reasons (Tuesday was NOT a good day!) I had not been able to prepare much at all during Tuesday, so again I was up at the crack of dawn, trying to get a structure for the first mentor meeting. At first it felt impossible, but I finally managed to work something out, that I also hopefully will be able to use on other meetings, and I left for Uni around 7.
When I got there I was going to fix the coffee and stuff for the mentor meeting, and met another mentor there, who was doing the same thing! :)
She was almost done and when she left, the NT teacher showed up. I know who he is, we say Hello, but I haven't really talked to him, and since I'm going to be mentor on the NT-part as well, I thought this would be a good opportunity to break the ice. We started talking and really hit it off, which was great. He was very curious about how things had been during the first lecture, how I felt about the mentor activity on the course ... so we ended up talking for quite a while. Until I realized that it was 8.12 - and the lecture started at 8.15! Yikes!
I rushed up to the lecture and got there just in time - very interesting lecture, the teacher is fantastic! During the break I went back and got the coffee and things done, and the other half of the lecture was aimed more at getting the students talking and discussing, which I think is great!
We were done at 10 and I called out that we'd have the mentor meeting in the adjoining room. I went there with all my stuff and then went back to see if people would be coming or not! And they did! :) I think we ended up being 11 students, which felt like a pretty good turnout actually, even though I am used to smaller groups!
I gave some basic information and we spent the meeting basically just talking. They got to introduce themselves and we talked about the course and the lectures and the literature ... I have a lot of feelings about the meeting myself, but I don't think this is the place to air them actually.
Still, it felt like a good meeting, as an introduction, and I think and hope I will see these students on the other meetings as well.
I tried to read a bit for my thesis during my break, but it was really slow and I had a bit of a headache. I did manage to organize a mentor meeting schedule to go up on the notice board (which I should have done Monday *oops*), and then I met E, who joined me as mentor last year - she was going to the advanced level introduction-thingy too. We ended up talking and more and more students joined me, a lot of them people I haven't seen in a great long while, so it was really nice catching up with them again.
The introduction-thing was ... I don't know ... I think it's GOOD, really, they are organizing writing-support-groups for students, where you can discuss your writing, comment on texts etc., and they have just general meetings for advanced level students where they try to invite people to talk about different things and so on ... and I know that is really great, but I kind of feel out-of-it. I know a few of the students, sure, but since my studies have been made complicated for oh-so-many reasons, I don't feel like I belong in a group like this - I have taken the same courses they have, or in the same order, I am the only one writing in my subject, which is pretty small and specialized, so I'm not sure how many constructive comments I can get on it ...
I will try to attend, if nothing else to show my general interest in the Department, in a way, but I don't feel very enthusiastic about it ...
I was going to take a train home around 2.45 - only to find out there had been an electrical failure and all train traffic was stopped for a while. My usual trip home (on the train) is 15 minutes ... yesterday it took me 1½ hours ... yay! Not!
*phew*
I'm exhausted today, and I probably won't go to Uni, but I still need to get things done, so I'm hoping I can work on that during the day! :)
Oh yeah, I just have to say THANK YOU to all my visitors, we have hit 36,000 now, since September 20, 2006!!
I'm very happy we reached that since this blog will (almost) stop on September 20! :)
Thanks again!
Showing posts with label feeling good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feeling good. Show all posts
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
The Place To Be
I just have to say I am absolutely amazed by the fact that I have so totally and completely found my place in life!
I'm not saying everything is perfect and I'm living in a dream world, but considering where I've been and where I come from, it's almost unbelievable that I now find myself in the place where I am right now! I realize I have put a lot of work into my life over the last 5-8 years or so, but I still find it fantastic to see how far it's gotten me - which was something I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined.
And no, nothing really special has happened today - I had an "unofficial meeting" (sort of) at Uni today and I guess that triggered this whole chain of thoughts ... because there's no place I'd rather be right now. I have been having some difficulties with certain things during the last few years, but overall, I can't believe the person I have become, and the response I'm getting from people around me, from people I care about and from people I admire.
I am trying hard right now to make a few changes in my life, and I really hope I'll be able to do that. Seeing now how great things really are, makes me even more motivated to actually change the things that aren't that great - and the fact is, most of those things are things that I CAN change! Sure, I'll have to apply myself and put a bit of effort into it, but I have a strong feeling it will be worth it many times over! :)
I am purposely being a bit vague in this entry, but I really don't feel comfortable being too specific about these things, as it also tends to involve other people ... but I still wanted to share this amazing feeling with you! :-)
I'm not saying everything is perfect and I'm living in a dream world, but considering where I've been and where I come from, it's almost unbelievable that I now find myself in the place where I am right now! I realize I have put a lot of work into my life over the last 5-8 years or so, but I still find it fantastic to see how far it's gotten me - which was something I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined.
And no, nothing really special has happened today - I had an "unofficial meeting" (sort of) at Uni today and I guess that triggered this whole chain of thoughts ... because there's no place I'd rather be right now. I have been having some difficulties with certain things during the last few years, but overall, I can't believe the person I have become, and the response I'm getting from people around me, from people I care about and from people I admire.
I am trying hard right now to make a few changes in my life, and I really hope I'll be able to do that. Seeing now how great things really are, makes me even more motivated to actually change the things that aren't that great - and the fact is, most of those things are things that I CAN change! Sure, I'll have to apply myself and put a bit of effort into it, but I have a strong feeling it will be worth it many times over! :)
I am purposely being a bit vague in this entry, but I really don't feel comfortable being too specific about these things, as it also tends to involve other people ... but I still wanted to share this amazing feeling with you! :-)
The Social Arena
I don't know how many of the readers notice the labels of this blog, but I do have a label called "The Social Arena". Now, I started this blog back in 2006, and that label was then to indicate when I'd actually interacted socially. That was not so common back then, especially in situations outside the University, so I really felt I had to make a point of that when it happened.
Things have come a long way since then, and I now find that it's some times difficult to know when to use that label - as I now tend to interact socially quite a lot! :-)
Still I felt the title appropriate for this blog entry, as I have had two pretty intense days, socially speaking, this weekend.
On Sunday there was a family reunion on my Dad's side, to celebrate that my grandmother would have turned 100 years old. My Dad's sister had taken the initiative to that, she'd gathered almost her entire family in their summerhouse (which is not far from ours, and not far from where my grandmother lived), with children and grandchildren, and she'd also invited her siblings and their families.
It's a 6 hour trip, one way, for me, but I cared deeply for my grandmother, and my aunt and her family were very close to ours when I was a child (they have five children, my cousins, and they were almost like my older siblings when I grew up!), so I quickly decided I would go. My Dad would come as well, but not the rest of his family - and we knew nothing of the rest of my Dad's siblings (he has another sister and a brother as well, with children and grandchildren).
The trip north was okay, even though it was a bit hot to be stuck on a bus/train all day, and I met my Dad when I arrived. When we got to my aunt's, it turned out we were the only ones who would come, which actually made me quite disappointed ...
Still I had a really great time, even though we couldn't stay for very long. A lot of my cousins I hadn't seen for basically 10 years or more (!!) but I think we did create some sort of bond when we were kids, because I was more relaxed than I usually am in situations like that and I REALLY REALLY enjoyed seeing them all again!
My train back was leaving at 5 p.m. but was delayed, and I had a pretty tight connection in Gothenburg, so I was a bit worried about missing it ... Luckily the train managed to speed up a bit and we were "only" about 10 minutes late, so after a bit of running, I did make it to my bus! :) I wasn't home until 11 p.m. but despite being tired I was really happy I had gone through with the day, and that it had worked out so well.
I hope there will be more opportunities to meet up with them during the summer!
On Monday, which is a Swedish holiday, it was time for the annual "start-of-summer-at-Sofiero"-tradition! :-) I met Sara, Martin, Johanna, Per, Johanna and Mikael at Sofiero and it's really a gorgeous place to be at in the beginning of summer. We all had a lot to carry so we didn't walk around much, but went straight to our usual spot! This tradition is really fabulous, and this is actually the fourth year we're doing it - I, Sara and Johanna have been there every time but we've had different companions each year, I think! :-)
Yesterday I didn't feel well at all, I was in bed most of the day with a nasty headache (no hangover though, as I left Sofiero at 7 p.m. and didn't have much to drink at all, I blame the headache on the weather!), but now I'm going to try to make a final rush on my thesis before "summer"! :-)
Things have come a long way since then, and I now find that it's some times difficult to know when to use that label - as I now tend to interact socially quite a lot! :-)
Still I felt the title appropriate for this blog entry, as I have had two pretty intense days, socially speaking, this weekend.
On Sunday there was a family reunion on my Dad's side, to celebrate that my grandmother would have turned 100 years old. My Dad's sister had taken the initiative to that, she'd gathered almost her entire family in their summerhouse (which is not far from ours, and not far from where my grandmother lived), with children and grandchildren, and she'd also invited her siblings and their families.
It's a 6 hour trip, one way, for me, but I cared deeply for my grandmother, and my aunt and her family were very close to ours when I was a child (they have five children, my cousins, and they were almost like my older siblings when I grew up!), so I quickly decided I would go. My Dad would come as well, but not the rest of his family - and we knew nothing of the rest of my Dad's siblings (he has another sister and a brother as well, with children and grandchildren).
The trip north was okay, even though it was a bit hot to be stuck on a bus/train all day, and I met my Dad when I arrived. When we got to my aunt's, it turned out we were the only ones who would come, which actually made me quite disappointed ...
Still I had a really great time, even though we couldn't stay for very long. A lot of my cousins I hadn't seen for basically 10 years or more (!!) but I think we did create some sort of bond when we were kids, because I was more relaxed than I usually am in situations like that and I REALLY REALLY enjoyed seeing them all again!
My train back was leaving at 5 p.m. but was delayed, and I had a pretty tight connection in Gothenburg, so I was a bit worried about missing it ... Luckily the train managed to speed up a bit and we were "only" about 10 minutes late, so after a bit of running, I did make it to my bus! :) I wasn't home until 11 p.m. but despite being tired I was really happy I had gone through with the day, and that it had worked out so well.
I hope there will be more opportunities to meet up with them during the summer!
On Monday, which is a Swedish holiday, it was time for the annual "start-of-summer-at-Sofiero"-tradition! :-) I met Sara, Martin, Johanna, Per, Johanna and Mikael at Sofiero and it's really a gorgeous place to be at in the beginning of summer. We all had a lot to carry so we didn't walk around much, but went straight to our usual spot! This tradition is really fabulous, and this is actually the fourth year we're doing it - I, Sara and Johanna have been there every time but we've had different companions each year, I think! :-)
Yesterday I didn't feel well at all, I was in bed most of the day with a nasty headache (no hangover though, as I left Sofiero at 7 p.m. and didn't have much to drink at all, I blame the headache on the weather!), but now I'm going to try to make a final rush on my thesis before "summer"! :-)
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Good Day - Scary Ending!
The title does sum up my day pretty much, but I guess I should elaborate a little bit. :-)
For some reason I couldn't sleep tonight, so I've basically been up since 2 a.m. - slept like half an hour on the coach in the morning, but that doesn't really count.
I went to Uni early and was there before 8 a.m. to attend a B.A. Essay seminar by a student who took the OT course last year and came to my mentor meetings. While I'm not in that seminary group I basically "know" (in a varied sense of the word, but still...) most of the people there.
It was an interesting seminar about an interesting essay, focusing on the monarchic thought in the Gideon-story in Judges - I've never really studied Judges before even though I knew the story, so the morning was quite interesting.
At 10 we started the OT seminar, there were four interpretations so seminars was going on 10-12 and 1-3 - all of them dealing with Gen. 3. We are all hereby experts on Gen. 3! *lol* Well, maybe not quite, but it was nice to get all of those interpretations on the same day. I very much enjoy these seminars, all the interpretations are so different and it's very interesting to listen in on the discussions going on! :)
After lunch, the teacher who had the first part of the course showed up and stayed for the two remaining seminars which was very nice indeed.
After the seminars I ended up in the middle of a fantastic discussion between the two teachers ... apparently this was not the first time they had debated like this, and it was done in an extremely friendly and fun fashion, but it was quite intense, and I felt a little like I was watching a tennis game, head moving from one side to the other! :-)
We stayed for over an hour, and as I was leaving Uni I met my former Greek teacher, which was really nice as I haven't seen him in a long time. We have a pretty distinct jargon amongst us, he think I'm silly to want to continue in OT and tries to convince me to "swap" to NT (where he works) and I stoically stand my ground and maintain that OT is fantastic ... :-)
I had just missed my train so I had to wait for almost half an hour for the next one before going home. I debated with myself whether to go grocery shopping on my way home, but I was really tired and it was getting late, and I figured I'd survive until tomorrow, so I took the first bus that came along.
On the bus ride I started reading the interpretations for tomorrow (I had only read through them quickly earlier), when all of a sudden the bus comes to a screeching halt!
Apparently a car had appeared out of nowhere and didn't stop, the bus didn't hit the car (which just disappeared) due to the sudden breaking, but it was quite a nasty experience! Bags and stuff were flying all over the bus and some people really got hurt! One lady hit her head pretty bad, and a young woman just in front of me took a really bad fall and ended up on the bus floor, her husband had to carry her to a seat!!
I'm okay I mostly got away with some cuts and bruises and a throbbing headache. The driver called the police but after a while he announced that all of us not wanting to press charges or report personal injuries could go to catch the next bus.
I was quite tense the entire bus ride, this really shook me up even though I wasn't injured!
I've been feeling exhausted all evening, so I'm going to turn in early. I haven't read through the interpretations for tomorrow as thoroughly as I would have wanted, but there's no way I can get through them tonight. Seminars don't start until 10 tomorrow and while I have some errands to run before that, I hope I can get a decent night's sleep and hopefully look through them tomorrow morning.
For some reason I couldn't sleep tonight, so I've basically been up since 2 a.m. - slept like half an hour on the coach in the morning, but that doesn't really count.
I went to Uni early and was there before 8 a.m. to attend a B.A. Essay seminar by a student who took the OT course last year and came to my mentor meetings. While I'm not in that seminary group I basically "know" (in a varied sense of the word, but still...) most of the people there.
It was an interesting seminar about an interesting essay, focusing on the monarchic thought in the Gideon-story in Judges - I've never really studied Judges before even though I knew the story, so the morning was quite interesting.
At 10 we started the OT seminar, there were four interpretations so seminars was going on 10-12 and 1-3 - all of them dealing with Gen. 3. We are all hereby experts on Gen. 3! *lol* Well, maybe not quite, but it was nice to get all of those interpretations on the same day. I very much enjoy these seminars, all the interpretations are so different and it's very interesting to listen in on the discussions going on! :)
After lunch, the teacher who had the first part of the course showed up and stayed for the two remaining seminars which was very nice indeed.
After the seminars I ended up in the middle of a fantastic discussion between the two teachers ... apparently this was not the first time they had debated like this, and it was done in an extremely friendly and fun fashion, but it was quite intense, and I felt a little like I was watching a tennis game, head moving from one side to the other! :-)
We stayed for over an hour, and as I was leaving Uni I met my former Greek teacher, which was really nice as I haven't seen him in a long time. We have a pretty distinct jargon amongst us, he think I'm silly to want to continue in OT and tries to convince me to "swap" to NT (where he works) and I stoically stand my ground and maintain that OT is fantastic ... :-)
I had just missed my train so I had to wait for almost half an hour for the next one before going home. I debated with myself whether to go grocery shopping on my way home, but I was really tired and it was getting late, and I figured I'd survive until tomorrow, so I took the first bus that came along.
On the bus ride I started reading the interpretations for tomorrow (I had only read through them quickly earlier), when all of a sudden the bus comes to a screeching halt!
Apparently a car had appeared out of nowhere and didn't stop, the bus didn't hit the car (which just disappeared) due to the sudden breaking, but it was quite a nasty experience! Bags and stuff were flying all over the bus and some people really got hurt! One lady hit her head pretty bad, and a young woman just in front of me took a really bad fall and ended up on the bus floor, her husband had to carry her to a seat!!
I'm okay I mostly got away with some cuts and bruises and a throbbing headache. The driver called the police but after a while he announced that all of us not wanting to press charges or report personal injuries could go to catch the next bus.
I was quite tense the entire bus ride, this really shook me up even though I wasn't injured!
I've been feeling exhausted all evening, so I'm going to turn in early. I haven't read through the interpretations for tomorrow as thoroughly as I would have wanted, but there's no way I can get through them tonight. Seminars don't start until 10 tomorrow and while I have some errands to run before that, I hope I can get a decent night's sleep and hopefully look through them tomorrow morning.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
One Week ... Really?
I can't believe all that's happened in just one week ... it feels like it would have been a month, at least. Still, most of it (almost all of it!) has been absolutely fantastic and totally outstanding, so I really feel I would like to go through the entire week here! :)
I'll give credit to those of you who are able to read through all of it, because I have a feeling this will be the longest blog entry I've ever made! LOL! :)
Sunday, May 15
This was a really difficult day for me! It was 6 months to the day since Zorro past away, and I still have difficulties dealing with that, especially during those days, when I tend to think of him more often and more intensely. I had a lot of things to deal with from the previous week as well, so I guess I didn't get anything productive done at all during Sunday, although I need times for thinking, reflecting and personal writing ...
Most things in my life are turning out fantastic now, but I can't help feeling I would have liked to share that with Zorro - because I know he could tell whether I was feeling good or bad. Lots of thoughts regarding Zorro, but I won't get into that now, I might save it for another entry later on.
Here are some old photos of Zorro I found when I was looking through my computer:
Monday
Monday was study day full stop!! I had to hand in a report to the OT professor "during Monday night" on my progress on the master's essay. Needless to say I stressed like an idiot the entire day and felt unprepared to the max.
In my defence, I did have a bit of materials to use, but naturally I hadn't started putting the report together ... and I started with that around lunch time! *oops* I realized I had to get some print-outs, and my printer at home is not really working, so I made the quite possible shortest visit to Uni ever! :) I arrived at the library at 12.50, grabbed a computer and got my print-outs, and was out of there again at 1.03! LOL!
I didn't do anything except wrote, wrote and wrote the entire day, and by about 10 p.m. I had almost 8 pages ... Let's just say I don't think I did a great job proof-reading the thing, but at least I sent it in!
Tuesday
Tuesday was an extremely intense day for me ...
We had lectures at 10 with the OT group, and they were having a seminary discussion on a book by W. Brueggemann (Unsettling God). I had really hoped to be able to read through it really quick before the seminar, but there was (obviously!) no chance of that!
I still got a bit out of the seminary discussion and it was quite interesting. I'm happy to see a course such as this, where there is a clear focus on the language, it's possible to do these kinds of things as well.
After the lecture I ended up in the library assisting some of the students with different things regarding the interpretation they were writing.
Once I got to sit down on my own, the anxiety about the SI-ceremony that afternoon hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't experienced that heavy anxiety in probably several years, and I was really feeling awful. Still, I knew there was no way out of this, and I had no choice but try to do the best I could with it. I was unsure of basically everything: I didn't know how the ceremony would be, I didn't know what would be expected of me (even though I had been assured I would not have to give a 'thank you speech' - which I was more than grateful for!!), and I wasn't even 100% sure of where the ceremony would take place (it was on another University Department, where I've only been a few times, a couple of years ago) ...
I ended up talking a little to my SI supervisor, as I was sitting just outside her room, and eventually we agreed we would walk to the ceremony together, and that helped my anxiety a lot! Just know I would go with someone I knew, wouldn't have to worry about finding the right place etc. helped me a great deal!
We met at 3 o'clock and walked together to the ceremony, and when we entered the auditorium my supervisor exchanged a few words with the man in charge of the whole thing, and she also introduced me. We took our seats and the ceremony started with a few introductory speeches, among those who came was Sven Strömqvist, who is Lund University's Assistant Vice-Chancellor!! After that we heard speeches relating SI (Supplemental Instruction) to not only Universities but also senior high school/college and also how you can use it when you go out to work in the world outside University - and we also heard a speech from two students who have worked within SI and had the opportunity to go to America to attend an SI conference.
After the speeches, it was time for the handing out of Diplomas, and first up were the Honorary Diplomas, which apparently was given to me and three other students. I had no idea how they wanted to do this, and when they said it would be done alphabetically I basically panicked - but I was so lucky, as there was one girl who came before me!! (Not often that happens.)
So anyway ...
We were called down in front of everyone, and got to listen to the nomination text that our supervisors had written when nominating us, and then we got our Diploma and a little present.
And I have to admit, I am proud of the fact that I went through with it, because this was a really big deal for me! The auditorium was in no way crowded, but there were enough people for me to feel really really anxious! But I did it! :)
It was a great relief to be able to get back to my seat and realize that most of it was over for my part, that's for sure.
After the Honorary Diplomas and been handed out, all the mentors who were quitting were given diplomas as well - but a lot of people who had said they'd come didn't show up, so things became a little bit awkward ...
There were snacks and drinks prepared afterwards, but first they wanted everyone who had gotten a diploma to gather near the entrance and we were photographed - and after that we were able to get snacks and talk to the others. Since I was completely shaky after the almost extreme tenseness I found it difficult to talk and be friendly, and I didn't stay long.
But it still felt amazing to have gone through with that day, that's for sure! :)
Wednesday
On Wednesday I had a meeting with the OT professor to discuss the report ... and since I emailed it so late on Monday night and my mind was somewhere else entirely on Tuesday I felt I needed to prepare for the meeting quite a lot. I went to Uni fairly early and printed my report and went over it, quite a number of times. I also met a lot of the OT students working on their interpretations and I also talked a little with my SI supervisor before heading up the professor on the third floor.
The talk we had went really well actually. We started talking "generally" when he suddenly interrupted our conversation, and realized he'd forgotten to congratulate me to the Honorary Diploma!! I didn't even know he knew, and SI feels a little bit like it's own "department" within the University, so I was quite surprised. He ended up giving me SO many lovely comments and compliments I was completely and utterly embarrassed!! I think the peak was when he told me how he had met Sven Strömqvist (the Assistant Vice-Chancellor who attended the SI-ceremony) at a conference earlier during Tuesday morning, and how proud he (the OT professor) had been to tell the Vice-Chancellor that one of his students was one of the recipients of the Honorary Diploma! *yikes!!*
I was (and am!!) SO flattered, but I really don't know what to do with myself when things like that come up, I have no idea what to say and I mostly feel really embarrassed!
We moved on to actually discussing my thesis as well, of course, and I think it was quite a rewarding chat. Most of the energy was done trying to decide what way I'm going to take right now, and that wasn't as easy as it sounds, actually. We had a good discussion, I felt I was able to step up a bit more than I have before, when I have mostly felt I've 'had to' just accept what he says as he knows so much more than me. This time I felt I could question what he said, and really get to the bottom of what was discussed, and that felt really good.
The outcome basically was to go into a few more scholars and their view on the objective I've set for my thesis - and also to get down to the Hebrew text and really start working on the relevant (some of them!) passages there ...
The meeting felt really good, from all kinds of angles, so I was in a really good mood when I was done - and I also met the teacher on the first part of the OT course, so we had a little chat, which was really nice! :)
Thursday
Thursday was actually sort of slow, as I didn't even have to get to Uni!! I did find out that my Mum would come for a short visit over the weekend, which was such a happy surprise!!! We have been talking about her coming here for a while, but it hasn't really been anything decided and she's been really busy and tired, and I've been really busy and tired. Now she found out that a co-worker and her husband was going to Helsingborg for the weekend, and my Mum could go with them, arriving on Friday night and leaving again Sunday afternoon!
I was really happy to hear that, and tried to get the apartment decent looking during Thursday (things like cleaning and such had been neglected earlier in the week, for obvious reasons!), but I was SO tired, I didn't get as much done as I had planned!
Friday
Friday was extremely intense!!!!
I was up at about 5 a.m. and started cleaning ... started doing laundry at 6 and was finished with everything in the apartment around 11. Took a shower and headed for Lund at 12, and had the final 'lecture' at 1. This was basically a summary discussion of the course, at first there was a general discussion and after that Elisabet and I had some SI evaluations to hand out, and the teacher would hand out the general evaluations as well.
We had a really good and constructive discussion regarding the course, the literature etc. when suddenly there was a knock on the door, and our SI-supervisor was there, asking if she could see me for a minute.
It felt a bit silly to just walk out (especially since the tables were arranged in a way that made me walk around the entire room to get out!), but when I got out it turned out that the evaluations we had been given to hand out to the students were 'out-of-date', new ones had just come, so I got them instead.
When I came back into the room, it was completely silent, which felt really strange. And suddenly, when I'm in front of the entire class, the teacher says: "Well, Jessica, now you have to tell us all about what it was like on the ceremony on Tuesday!"
And I more or less wished I could have fell through the floor ... I am genuinely and extremely grateful to have been given this, but I DO NOT like to stand in the centre of attention like that. I think I mostly stuttered something, I knew that some of the students knew I had been given it but not all of them ... and once I'd said something, probably completely incoherent, I got an applause from the entire class! *embarrassed again*
We handed out the evaluations and at 6 p.m. the teacher had a little party at her place for all the students, and the students on another OT course, as well as some other OT-people (both OT post-graduate students - one of them is the one teaching the first half of the OT course - and the OT professor) - and she asked me and Elisabet to help her out fixing food and such!
She had to pick up her children from school first, so Elisabet and I ended up in the library for a while, before meeting the OT teacher and her kids! :)
It was really nice to be able to help her out a little, she's a great lady and such a role model for I think most of the students she comes in contact with - and she's always been fantastic to deal with when it comes to SI, she's really interested and tries to help out as much as she can - and I think it's great to be able to do something outside the Department as well.
We ended up chopping and mixing and such for a few hours before the others showed up - and we had a great time. I really totally and completely feel like I have found my place here, and every time something like this happens, I feel it even more!
With the background I have, it's just beyond description to feel like I fit in so perfectly here ... I feel safe and secure and comfortable, even in situations that before would be extremely anxious, and I feel like people around me like me! Getting that kind of continual acknowledgement, constantly verifying that I do fit in and that people do like me - it's just such an AMAZING feeling!!
I was going to pick up my Mum in Helsingborg, so I had checked and had to leave the party about 20 to 8, in order to get to the train station in Lund and from there to Helsingborg. And that's another thing that is so fantastic about being where I am. Yes, I admit, I would have liked to stay longer, we had a great time, there were funny and interesting conversations, and while I'm not a social butterfly, I am NOT completely quite and tries to be invisible! But I feel SO comfortable in this situation, and so sure of myself and the fact that I will experience this again, that it is okay to leave a little early.
I am a little upset, because when I was getting myself ready a lot of others were starting to prepare to leave as well, and I felt the good-bye to the hostess became very quite and short ... but I'll be seeing her again next week, so I hope I can say a proper thank you then.
Just as I was leaving it turned out two other students had to get to trains/buses at the railway station, and one of the postgraduate students where going that way in her car, so I got a lift as well! :) Really kind!
When I got to the station my Mum called, she had already arrived in Helsingborg, but had to wait for me there ... but I don't think I've ever been so impatient during the train ride before! :) I just wanted to get there QUICK - and meeting my Mum was just FANTASTIC! It was quite a while since we saw each other, especially here! I was visiting my families when the bathroom renovation was going on, but didn't get that much time with my Mum - and during Christmas holidays she was sick a lot ... before that, yeah, she came down here for a quick visit just after Zorro had passed away, but that wasn't exactly a joyride ...
We took the bus home and spent some time talking - I didn't go to sleep until about 1.30 a.m. - so I'd been up and about and active and constantly doing things for about 21 hours! *yikes*
The Weekend
If you've managed to get this far in this extremely long blog entry, I admire you, and I will try to not be too detailed now. My Mum and I have enjoyed ourselves during the weekend, talked a lot, done a few outings and watched a few movies and mostly just enjoyed each other's company! :)
I went with her to Helsingborg this afternoon where she met her co-worker and her husband, and I just now heard she'd gotten home safe and sound!
Pheeeew!
Some week,huh?
But SO much of it has been SO fantastic, and I can hardly believe it myself ...
I have a busy week ahead again, but I hope to have some kind of energy when I get home every afternoon to keep the blog up to date, so I don't have to make another really long entry next weekend! :)
And credit to those of you who have made it to the end of this entry! LOL!
I'll give credit to those of you who are able to read through all of it, because I have a feeling this will be the longest blog entry I've ever made! LOL! :)
Sunday, May 15
This was a really difficult day for me! It was 6 months to the day since Zorro past away, and I still have difficulties dealing with that, especially during those days, when I tend to think of him more often and more intensely. I had a lot of things to deal with from the previous week as well, so I guess I didn't get anything productive done at all during Sunday, although I need times for thinking, reflecting and personal writing ...
Most things in my life are turning out fantastic now, but I can't help feeling I would have liked to share that with Zorro - because I know he could tell whether I was feeling good or bad. Lots of thoughts regarding Zorro, but I won't get into that now, I might save it for another entry later on.
Here are some old photos of Zorro I found when I was looking through my computer:
Monday
Monday was study day full stop!! I had to hand in a report to the OT professor "during Monday night" on my progress on the master's essay. Needless to say I stressed like an idiot the entire day and felt unprepared to the max.
In my defence, I did have a bit of materials to use, but naturally I hadn't started putting the report together ... and I started with that around lunch time! *oops* I realized I had to get some print-outs, and my printer at home is not really working, so I made the quite possible shortest visit to Uni ever! :) I arrived at the library at 12.50, grabbed a computer and got my print-outs, and was out of there again at 1.03! LOL!
I didn't do anything except wrote, wrote and wrote the entire day, and by about 10 p.m. I had almost 8 pages ... Let's just say I don't think I did a great job proof-reading the thing, but at least I sent it in!
Tuesday
Tuesday was an extremely intense day for me ...
We had lectures at 10 with the OT group, and they were having a seminary discussion on a book by W. Brueggemann (Unsettling God). I had really hoped to be able to read through it really quick before the seminar, but there was (obviously!) no chance of that!
I still got a bit out of the seminary discussion and it was quite interesting. I'm happy to see a course such as this, where there is a clear focus on the language, it's possible to do these kinds of things as well.
After the lecture I ended up in the library assisting some of the students with different things regarding the interpretation they were writing.
Once I got to sit down on my own, the anxiety about the SI-ceremony that afternoon hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't experienced that heavy anxiety in probably several years, and I was really feeling awful. Still, I knew there was no way out of this, and I had no choice but try to do the best I could with it. I was unsure of basically everything: I didn't know how the ceremony would be, I didn't know what would be expected of me (even though I had been assured I would not have to give a 'thank you speech' - which I was more than grateful for!!), and I wasn't even 100% sure of where the ceremony would take place (it was on another University Department, where I've only been a few times, a couple of years ago) ...
I ended up talking a little to my SI supervisor, as I was sitting just outside her room, and eventually we agreed we would walk to the ceremony together, and that helped my anxiety a lot! Just know I would go with someone I knew, wouldn't have to worry about finding the right place etc. helped me a great deal!
We met at 3 o'clock and walked together to the ceremony, and when we entered the auditorium my supervisor exchanged a few words with the man in charge of the whole thing, and she also introduced me. We took our seats and the ceremony started with a few introductory speeches, among those who came was Sven Strömqvist, who is Lund University's Assistant Vice-Chancellor!! After that we heard speeches relating SI (Supplemental Instruction) to not only Universities but also senior high school/college and also how you can use it when you go out to work in the world outside University - and we also heard a speech from two students who have worked within SI and had the opportunity to go to America to attend an SI conference.
After the speeches, it was time for the handing out of Diplomas, and first up were the Honorary Diplomas, which apparently was given to me and three other students. I had no idea how they wanted to do this, and when they said it would be done alphabetically I basically panicked - but I was so lucky, as there was one girl who came before me!! (Not often that happens.)So anyway ...
We were called down in front of everyone, and got to listen to the nomination text that our supervisors had written when nominating us, and then we got our Diploma and a little present.
And I have to admit, I am proud of the fact that I went through with it, because this was a really big deal for me! The auditorium was in no way crowded, but there were enough people for me to feel really really anxious! But I did it! :)
It was a great relief to be able to get back to my seat and realize that most of it was over for my part, that's for sure.
After the Honorary Diplomas and been handed out, all the mentors who were quitting were given diplomas as well - but a lot of people who had said they'd come didn't show up, so things became a little bit awkward ...
There were snacks and drinks prepared afterwards, but first they wanted everyone who had gotten a diploma to gather near the entrance and we were photographed - and after that we were able to get snacks and talk to the others. Since I was completely shaky after the almost extreme tenseness I found it difficult to talk and be friendly, and I didn't stay long.
But it still felt amazing to have gone through with that day, that's for sure! :)
Wednesday
On Wednesday I had a meeting with the OT professor to discuss the report ... and since I emailed it so late on Monday night and my mind was somewhere else entirely on Tuesday I felt I needed to prepare for the meeting quite a lot. I went to Uni fairly early and printed my report and went over it, quite a number of times. I also met a lot of the OT students working on their interpretations and I also talked a little with my SI supervisor before heading up the professor on the third floor.
The talk we had went really well actually. We started talking "generally" when he suddenly interrupted our conversation, and realized he'd forgotten to congratulate me to the Honorary Diploma!! I didn't even know he knew, and SI feels a little bit like it's own "department" within the University, so I was quite surprised. He ended up giving me SO many lovely comments and compliments I was completely and utterly embarrassed!! I think the peak was when he told me how he had met Sven Strömqvist (the Assistant Vice-Chancellor who attended the SI-ceremony) at a conference earlier during Tuesday morning, and how proud he (the OT professor) had been to tell the Vice-Chancellor that one of his students was one of the recipients of the Honorary Diploma! *yikes!!*I was (and am!!) SO flattered, but I really don't know what to do with myself when things like that come up, I have no idea what to say and I mostly feel really embarrassed!
We moved on to actually discussing my thesis as well, of course, and I think it was quite a rewarding chat. Most of the energy was done trying to decide what way I'm going to take right now, and that wasn't as easy as it sounds, actually. We had a good discussion, I felt I was able to step up a bit more than I have before, when I have mostly felt I've 'had to' just accept what he says as he knows so much more than me. This time I felt I could question what he said, and really get to the bottom of what was discussed, and that felt really good.
The outcome basically was to go into a few more scholars and their view on the objective I've set for my thesis - and also to get down to the Hebrew text and really start working on the relevant (some of them!) passages there ...
The meeting felt really good, from all kinds of angles, so I was in a really good mood when I was done - and I also met the teacher on the first part of the OT course, so we had a little chat, which was really nice! :)
Thursday
Thursday was actually sort of slow, as I didn't even have to get to Uni!! I did find out that my Mum would come for a short visit over the weekend, which was such a happy surprise!!! We have been talking about her coming here for a while, but it hasn't really been anything decided and she's been really busy and tired, and I've been really busy and tired. Now she found out that a co-worker and her husband was going to Helsingborg for the weekend, and my Mum could go with them, arriving on Friday night and leaving again Sunday afternoon!
I was really happy to hear that, and tried to get the apartment decent looking during Thursday (things like cleaning and such had been neglected earlier in the week, for obvious reasons!), but I was SO tired, I didn't get as much done as I had planned!
Friday
Friday was extremely intense!!!!
I was up at about 5 a.m. and started cleaning ... started doing laundry at 6 and was finished with everything in the apartment around 11. Took a shower and headed for Lund at 12, and had the final 'lecture' at 1. This was basically a summary discussion of the course, at first there was a general discussion and after that Elisabet and I had some SI evaluations to hand out, and the teacher would hand out the general evaluations as well.
We had a really good and constructive discussion regarding the course, the literature etc. when suddenly there was a knock on the door, and our SI-supervisor was there, asking if she could see me for a minute.
It felt a bit silly to just walk out (especially since the tables were arranged in a way that made me walk around the entire room to get out!), but when I got out it turned out that the evaluations we had been given to hand out to the students were 'out-of-date', new ones had just come, so I got them instead.
When I came back into the room, it was completely silent, which felt really strange. And suddenly, when I'm in front of the entire class, the teacher says: "Well, Jessica, now you have to tell us all about what it was like on the ceremony on Tuesday!"
And I more or less wished I could have fell through the floor ... I am genuinely and extremely grateful to have been given this, but I DO NOT like to stand in the centre of attention like that. I think I mostly stuttered something, I knew that some of the students knew I had been given it but not all of them ... and once I'd said something, probably completely incoherent, I got an applause from the entire class! *embarrassed again*
We handed out the evaluations and at 6 p.m. the teacher had a little party at her place for all the students, and the students on another OT course, as well as some other OT-people (both OT post-graduate students - one of them is the one teaching the first half of the OT course - and the OT professor) - and she asked me and Elisabet to help her out fixing food and such!
She had to pick up her children from school first, so Elisabet and I ended up in the library for a while, before meeting the OT teacher and her kids! :)
It was really nice to be able to help her out a little, she's a great lady and such a role model for I think most of the students she comes in contact with - and she's always been fantastic to deal with when it comes to SI, she's really interested and tries to help out as much as she can - and I think it's great to be able to do something outside the Department as well.We ended up chopping and mixing and such for a few hours before the others showed up - and we had a great time. I really totally and completely feel like I have found my place here, and every time something like this happens, I feel it even more!
With the background I have, it's just beyond description to feel like I fit in so perfectly here ... I feel safe and secure and comfortable, even in situations that before would be extremely anxious, and I feel like people around me like me! Getting that kind of continual acknowledgement, constantly verifying that I do fit in and that people do like me - it's just such an AMAZING feeling!!
I was going to pick up my Mum in Helsingborg, so I had checked and had to leave the party about 20 to 8, in order to get to the train station in Lund and from there to Helsingborg. And that's another thing that is so fantastic about being where I am. Yes, I admit, I would have liked to stay longer, we had a great time, there were funny and interesting conversations, and while I'm not a social butterfly, I am NOT completely quite and tries to be invisible! But I feel SO comfortable in this situation, and so sure of myself and the fact that I will experience this again, that it is okay to leave a little early.
I am a little upset, because when I was getting myself ready a lot of others were starting to prepare to leave as well, and I felt the good-bye to the hostess became very quite and short ... but I'll be seeing her again next week, so I hope I can say a proper thank you then.
Just as I was leaving it turned out two other students had to get to trains/buses at the railway station, and one of the postgraduate students where going that way in her car, so I got a lift as well! :) Really kind!
When I got to the station my Mum called, she had already arrived in Helsingborg, but had to wait for me there ... but I don't think I've ever been so impatient during the train ride before! :) I just wanted to get there QUICK - and meeting my Mum was just FANTASTIC! It was quite a while since we saw each other, especially here! I was visiting my families when the bathroom renovation was going on, but didn't get that much time with my Mum - and during Christmas holidays she was sick a lot ... before that, yeah, she came down here for a quick visit just after Zorro had passed away, but that wasn't exactly a joyride ...
We took the bus home and spent some time talking - I didn't go to sleep until about 1.30 a.m. - so I'd been up and about and active and constantly doing things for about 21 hours! *yikes*
The Weekend
If you've managed to get this far in this extremely long blog entry, I admire you, and I will try to not be too detailed now. My Mum and I have enjoyed ourselves during the weekend, talked a lot, done a few outings and watched a few movies and mostly just enjoyed each other's company! :)
I went with her to Helsingborg this afternoon where she met her co-worker and her husband, and I just now heard she'd gotten home safe and sound!
Pheeeew!
Some week,huh?
But SO much of it has been SO fantastic, and I can hardly believe it myself ...
I have a busy week ahead again, but I hope to have some kind of energy when I get home every afternoon to keep the blog up to date, so I don't have to make another really long entry next weekend! :)
And credit to those of you who have made it to the end of this entry! LOL!
Monday, 9 May 2011
What An Honor!
Today has been a VERY strange day, and I'm basically exhausted now, so I hope you'll forgive this somewhat short entry ...
I didn't sleep a bit last night, I might have dozed off half an hour or so, but it was just impossible. At times I get stuck in my own mind, with Zorro, and it's basically impossible for me to get out of it...
The morning was a bit slower than I had planned, but at least I managed to get to Uni for lectures at 10 - interesting as usual! :)
After lectures I had "lunch" with Elisabet and we tried to make some plans for next mentor meeting - which will be the last one this semester *sob* Suddenly our mentor tutor came and asked me if I'd checked my email ... I was completely out-of-it and didn't understand what she meant.
It took me a while - and several readings of my emails - to grasp what was going on.
Apparently there is a yearly SI (mentor, Supplemental Instruction) ceremony with some lectures, the handing out of diplomas to mentors having quit etc. - I had gotten an email about it some time ago but figured I wouldn't go so I had basically forgotten about it.
Now it turns out that out of about 150 mentors at Lunds University, two are picked for "extraordinary achievements within SI" and they will also be awarded a diploma at this ceremony ... and I had not only been nominated, but also picked!!
*almost fainting now*
This just threw me off completely, it was totally unexpected and I still can't quite grasp it!! I mean, I really enjoy being a mentor, I enjoy both the mentor meetings and the lectures and the students - but I had never thought that it would go beyond that!!! I'm quite happy just poking around the Hebrew verb forms and that's it - but this ... quite amazing!! :)
I'm still not sure how I will actually be able to go to this ceremony and accept the award ... considering my background and my problems that still pop up ... but I guess I'll have to make one Hell of an effort to make a go of it, right?! :)
I have quite a bit to do before I can go to bed, and considering I basically haven't slept for 48 hours, I'd better get on with it. But I think I will return to this in future blog entries! :)
I didn't sleep a bit last night, I might have dozed off half an hour or so, but it was just impossible. At times I get stuck in my own mind, with Zorro, and it's basically impossible for me to get out of it...
The morning was a bit slower than I had planned, but at least I managed to get to Uni for lectures at 10 - interesting as usual! :)
After lectures I had "lunch" with Elisabet and we tried to make some plans for next mentor meeting - which will be the last one this semester *sob* Suddenly our mentor tutor came and asked me if I'd checked my email ... I was completely out-of-it and didn't understand what she meant.
It took me a while - and several readings of my emails - to grasp what was going on.
Apparently there is a yearly SI (mentor, Supplemental Instruction) ceremony with some lectures, the handing out of diplomas to mentors having quit etc. - I had gotten an email about it some time ago but figured I wouldn't go so I had basically forgotten about it.
Now it turns out that out of about 150 mentors at Lunds University, two are picked for "extraordinary achievements within SI" and they will also be awarded a diploma at this ceremony ... and I had not only been nominated, but also picked!!
*almost fainting now*
This just threw me off completely, it was totally unexpected and I still can't quite grasp it!! I mean, I really enjoy being a mentor, I enjoy both the mentor meetings and the lectures and the students - but I had never thought that it would go beyond that!!! I'm quite happy just poking around the Hebrew verb forms and that's it - but this ... quite amazing!! :)
I'm still not sure how I will actually be able to go to this ceremony and accept the award ... considering my background and my problems that still pop up ... but I guess I'll have to make one Hell of an effort to make a go of it, right?! :)
I have quite a bit to do before I can go to bed, and considering I basically haven't slept for 48 hours, I'd better get on with it. But I think I will return to this in future blog entries! :)
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Weekend
The weekend has been okay, I guess, though I'm constantly walking around with a feeling that I should do more than I do - and at the same time I'm very tired. To be honest, I don't think it's all that strange ... Every now and again, I feel allergies, even though I've never "officially" been diagnosed for it, and I tend to not cope very well with spring time in general. This year has been better than a lot of other years, but I think that's why I'm usually feeling tired.
I've been doing some cleaning and shopping and studying - just the usual stuff. I'm currently working on a rapport on my master's thesis, I have about a week left to work on it before I have to hand it in to the professor, so I really need to get into it. I've had a couple of really intense weeks now, so I feel I haven't quite been working on the rapport as much as I should have, so now I'm hoping this week won't be quite so intense. By the look of things right now, it won't be, so I hope not too many things will happen ... At this point, it's basically only OT lectures every day and that's only about 2 hours, so hopefully I'll be able to work quite a bit with my stuff as well.
Friday was a good day, and I think it gave me a kick of extra motivation, which is very needed at the moment.
The morning was fairly slow - a bit too slow I think, but I guess it's too late to worry about that now. Lectures weren't until 1 p.m. as we were having a guest lecture on Psalm Theology with the Old Testament Professor, Fredrik Lindström (who is my tutor). He usually gives this lecture on this course, and I've sat in on it both previous times when I've been a mentor on this course - but it is a great lecture and he is a very good lecturer - can't help but feel it's a shame he doesn't do it more!
The lecture was interesting as usual, and it was actually a lot of fun this year, as I remembered quite a lot and was almost anticipating what would come next! :) The lecture ended just before 3 p.m. and the regular teacher had prepared a little get-together (which ended up being coffee/tea and cake!!) in the teacher's lounge, so we all went there after the lecture.
We had a nice time and after a while I heard a discussion starting up regarding the lecture we'd just had, and Psalm 24 (which was the focus of the lecture) - and even though I sat at the other end of the table I tried to "take part" (i.e. "listen" - a bit hard trying to scream across a table full of people *lol*). Just in time for this the previous teacher, who had the grammar-part of the course arrived! He's extremely talented and knows I guess a dozen ancient languages - and the discussion turned out to be about how to interpret certain words and grammatical constructions. I really wish I'd gotten a better seat, but at least I could listen in on the conversation! :)
I ended up staying late (no surprise there *lol*) and left after about 1½ hours - got to talking to some people on the way out as well, which was nice.
And I have to mention something else - it's a bit funny but I find a deeper significance to it which is quite extraordinary for me personally.
At around 4 p.m. most of the people started to leave, as did the Professor - and he left with the words: "Well, Jessica, next year you can do this lecture!" :)
I figured there had to be some comment on the fact that I sat in on it for the third time (!), and I try to say that it'd be many years until I could do that! (But I'm taking to heart what one of the teachers said: "Be grateful for the vote of confidence!")
Naturally it was quite funny, and I know I've become that "geek" that always hangs around and has no other life besides the Old Testament - well almost anyway! I think what is extraordinary is that I'm so happy with that!! Ever since ... well, 10th grade or something, I have wanted to be like everybody else. I have always felt like an outsider, like an alien that doesn't fit in, and I've desperately tried to melt in with the crowd.
Now, in many ways, I do stand out - I am a bit of an outsider and an alien. I have an interest not many other students do. I'm interested in the general education system and what changes are taking place there - most students don't care as long as they get their degrees in the end. I am mentor, and while there are other mentors at the Department, there aren't that many of us. Maybe, the biggest difference of all: I want to stay on at the Department, at this Department - and most students can't wait to get out of there! :)
And even though all these things (and probably others as well) make me different from most people I am around, I feel fine with it. I can laugh about it and stand up for that!
I don't know, I feel like I'm mostly just rambling, and I find it difficult to express how much this does mean to me. I never in my life thought that I could find a place, so right for me, where basically everything clicks and works out and makes me feel good.
I still have issues, definitely, and I have a lot of things I need to work on to become a better person and more satisfied with my life - but there are SO many things in my life that are fantastic right now, and I never thought I'd experience that.
Deep blog entry ... I guess I should try to get back to reality now and get on with cleaning my bathroom! *lol*
I hope you all had a great weekend!
I've been doing some cleaning and shopping and studying - just the usual stuff. I'm currently working on a rapport on my master's thesis, I have about a week left to work on it before I have to hand it in to the professor, so I really need to get into it. I've had a couple of really intense weeks now, so I feel I haven't quite been working on the rapport as much as I should have, so now I'm hoping this week won't be quite so intense. By the look of things right now, it won't be, so I hope not too many things will happen ... At this point, it's basically only OT lectures every day and that's only about 2 hours, so hopefully I'll be able to work quite a bit with my stuff as well.
Friday was a good day, and I think it gave me a kick of extra motivation, which is very needed at the moment.
The morning was fairly slow - a bit too slow I think, but I guess it's too late to worry about that now. Lectures weren't until 1 p.m. as we were having a guest lecture on Psalm Theology with the Old Testament Professor, Fredrik Lindström (who is my tutor). He usually gives this lecture on this course, and I've sat in on it both previous times when I've been a mentor on this course - but it is a great lecture and he is a very good lecturer - can't help but feel it's a shame he doesn't do it more!
The lecture was interesting as usual, and it was actually a lot of fun this year, as I remembered quite a lot and was almost anticipating what would come next! :) The lecture ended just before 3 p.m. and the regular teacher had prepared a little get-together (which ended up being coffee/tea and cake!!) in the teacher's lounge, so we all went there after the lecture.
We had a nice time and after a while I heard a discussion starting up regarding the lecture we'd just had, and Psalm 24 (which was the focus of the lecture) - and even though I sat at the other end of the table I tried to "take part" (i.e. "listen" - a bit hard trying to scream across a table full of people *lol*). Just in time for this the previous teacher, who had the grammar-part of the course arrived! He's extremely talented and knows I guess a dozen ancient languages - and the discussion turned out to be about how to interpret certain words and grammatical constructions. I really wish I'd gotten a better seat, but at least I could listen in on the conversation! :)
I ended up staying late (no surprise there *lol*) and left after about 1½ hours - got to talking to some people on the way out as well, which was nice.
And I have to mention something else - it's a bit funny but I find a deeper significance to it which is quite extraordinary for me personally.
At around 4 p.m. most of the people started to leave, as did the Professor - and he left with the words: "Well, Jessica, next year you can do this lecture!" :)
I figured there had to be some comment on the fact that I sat in on it for the third time (!), and I try to say that it'd be many years until I could do that! (But I'm taking to heart what one of the teachers said: "Be grateful for the vote of confidence!")
Naturally it was quite funny, and I know I've become that "geek" that always hangs around and has no other life besides the Old Testament - well almost anyway! I think what is extraordinary is that I'm so happy with that!! Ever since ... well, 10th grade or something, I have wanted to be like everybody else. I have always felt like an outsider, like an alien that doesn't fit in, and I've desperately tried to melt in with the crowd.
Now, in many ways, I do stand out - I am a bit of an outsider and an alien. I have an interest not many other students do. I'm interested in the general education system and what changes are taking place there - most students don't care as long as they get their degrees in the end. I am mentor, and while there are other mentors at the Department, there aren't that many of us. Maybe, the biggest difference of all: I want to stay on at the Department, at this Department - and most students can't wait to get out of there! :)
And even though all these things (and probably others as well) make me different from most people I am around, I feel fine with it. I can laugh about it and stand up for that!
I don't know, I feel like I'm mostly just rambling, and I find it difficult to express how much this does mean to me. I never in my life thought that I could find a place, so right for me, where basically everything clicks and works out and makes me feel good.
I still have issues, definitely, and I have a lot of things I need to work on to become a better person and more satisfied with my life - but there are SO many things in my life that are fantastic right now, and I never thought I'd experience that.
Deep blog entry ... I guess I should try to get back to reality now and get on with cleaning my bathroom! *lol*
I hope you all had a great weekend!
Sunday, 10 April 2011
Week - Weekend
This week seem to have been the opposite of last week - as in, the week worked out well, but the weekend hasn't felt quite as good.
I am feeling pretty good, generally speaking, right now. I think I'm finding a routine that is working for me, I am trying to sort out a lot of things in my life that hasn't been working out well for a long time and so far, I'm seeing positive results! :)
I can't swear this will last forever, and naturally there are times when things aren't feeling great - but all in all, I think I'm back on track and can make things work out in a good way now.
I'm keeping pretty busy now, but I am enjoying what I do and I think I can make in work. The main thing is my master's thesis of course, which unfortunately were almost put completely to a halt with everything that went on at the end of last year and the beginning of this one - and it feels really good to get back into it.
Aside from that I am trying to follow the Old Testament course where I am mentor. I have "followed" it my previous years as mentor as well, mostly because it makes it a lot easier to plan and lead mentor meetings if you know what has been going on at the lectures, but I have never made an attempt to really follow it - and I think maybe now I do. This is most likely the last time I will have that opportunity so I have decided to take advantage of it, at least as much as possible. There is no way I could find the time to read the literature (especially since it's not the same literature as it was when I took the course), but I have this far attended all the lectures (and I hope I can keep it up in the future as well) and I'm trying to go through the Hebrew text for each day - which is really great! I haven't worked with text in that way in about two years, and I'm enjoying it a lot - and learning a lot as well!
Apart from my studies I am making an attempt at a more healthy life style in general ... I have tried this on numerous occasions before, without much success - I usually try and when I run into the first or second real obstacle I give up ... This time I have managed to hold on it a bit longer than before and while I can't say that I can see an amazing difference, I am noticing little things - and so far they are enough for me to want to keep trying!
All in all, I am feeling really good right now! There are still things I have difficulties with, naturally - some of them are more personal than others.
One thing I haven't managed to get to the bottom of yet is sleep. For some reason I'm not sleeping well at all now, and I haven't for quite a while ... I can't go to bed without being completely invaded by memories of Zorro, which means I basically can't fall asleep. During the weekend I've been able to sleep in in the mornings, but during the week I usually don't get more than three, maybe four hours - and that's pretty rough. I'm not sure why this has come right now, but I guess these things happen, right? It's not quite as bad as directly after Zorro's death - for several weeks I couldn't sleep in our bed, so I slept on the couch - but it reminds me of those weeks now because it usually takes me several hours, and then some, before I fall asleep.
But apart from a few things I have a good feeling inside - which is actually quite surprising! I usually don't feel well during spring time, I tend get into spring depressions and I don't cope with things very well. I guess it's early days yet, but I'm grateful as long as I am able to feel this way, and I will give everything I can to keep it that way.
It's high time I went to bed (as it takes me so long to fall asleep) as I have an early morning and a long day tomorrow - but I'm looking forward to tomorrow's lecture on Exodus 3 - the famous passage where God reveals his name to Moses ("I AM WHO I AM", Exod 3:14, NRSV)! Very exciting!
I am feeling pretty good, generally speaking, right now. I think I'm finding a routine that is working for me, I am trying to sort out a lot of things in my life that hasn't been working out well for a long time and so far, I'm seeing positive results! :)
I can't swear this will last forever, and naturally there are times when things aren't feeling great - but all in all, I think I'm back on track and can make things work out in a good way now.
I'm keeping pretty busy now, but I am enjoying what I do and I think I can make in work. The main thing is my master's thesis of course, which unfortunately were almost put completely to a halt with everything that went on at the end of last year and the beginning of this one - and it feels really good to get back into it.
Aside from that I am trying to follow the Old Testament course where I am mentor. I have "followed" it my previous years as mentor as well, mostly because it makes it a lot easier to plan and lead mentor meetings if you know what has been going on at the lectures, but I have never made an attempt to really follow it - and I think maybe now I do. This is most likely the last time I will have that opportunity so I have decided to take advantage of it, at least as much as possible. There is no way I could find the time to read the literature (especially since it's not the same literature as it was when I took the course), but I have this far attended all the lectures (and I hope I can keep it up in the future as well) and I'm trying to go through the Hebrew text for each day - which is really great! I haven't worked with text in that way in about two years, and I'm enjoying it a lot - and learning a lot as well!
Apart from my studies I am making an attempt at a more healthy life style in general ... I have tried this on numerous occasions before, without much success - I usually try and when I run into the first or second real obstacle I give up ... This time I have managed to hold on it a bit longer than before and while I can't say that I can see an amazing difference, I am noticing little things - and so far they are enough for me to want to keep trying!
All in all, I am feeling really good right now! There are still things I have difficulties with, naturally - some of them are more personal than others.
One thing I haven't managed to get to the bottom of yet is sleep. For some reason I'm not sleeping well at all now, and I haven't for quite a while ... I can't go to bed without being completely invaded by memories of Zorro, which means I basically can't fall asleep. During the weekend I've been able to sleep in in the mornings, but during the week I usually don't get more than three, maybe four hours - and that's pretty rough. I'm not sure why this has come right now, but I guess these things happen, right? It's not quite as bad as directly after Zorro's death - for several weeks I couldn't sleep in our bed, so I slept on the couch - but it reminds me of those weeks now because it usually takes me several hours, and then some, before I fall asleep.
But apart from a few things I have a good feeling inside - which is actually quite surprising! I usually don't feel well during spring time, I tend get into spring depressions and I don't cope with things very well. I guess it's early days yet, but I'm grateful as long as I am able to feel this way, and I will give everything I can to keep it that way.
It's high time I went to bed (as it takes me so long to fall asleep) as I have an early morning and a long day tomorrow - but I'm looking forward to tomorrow's lecture on Exodus 3 - the famous passage where God reveals his name to Moses ("I AM WHO I AM", Exod 3:14, NRSV)! Very exciting!
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Weird Week - Better Weekend
This last week felt strange in many ways - as a lot of things actually were really good, but I still kept feeling very bad the entire time (well, almost anyway).
I can't go into detail, mostly because I am confused about it myself, so I guess I'll just try to put this week behind me and hoping for better - and less confusing! - times ahead!
The weekend has, surprisingly, worked out really well. For several years I have had some difficulties with weekends, but this one has been really good actually. I have gotten a lot of things done, and even though I feel I am in a place where I can always do ten or twenty or two hundred times what I am doing - I feel quite content with what I have gotten done.
Unfortunately the plan I made yesterday won't quite work out ... things ended up taking a lot longer than I thoughts, so in order to make next week work out in a good way I think I'm going to have to revise my plan a little. But I guess that's not the end of the world either, right? :)
I will spend the entire day tomorrow in Lund ... studying, copying and printing, handing in some complements to my job application, attending an OT lecture, more studying and yeah ... studying! :)
At least that's the plan ...
I hope you all had a great weekend!
I can't go into detail, mostly because I am confused about it myself, so I guess I'll just try to put this week behind me and hoping for better - and less confusing! - times ahead!
The weekend has, surprisingly, worked out really well. For several years I have had some difficulties with weekends, but this one has been really good actually. I have gotten a lot of things done, and even though I feel I am in a place where I can always do ten or twenty or two hundred times what I am doing - I feel quite content with what I have gotten done.
Unfortunately the plan I made yesterday won't quite work out ... things ended up taking a lot longer than I thoughts, so in order to make next week work out in a good way I think I'm going to have to revise my plan a little. But I guess that's not the end of the world either, right? :)
I will spend the entire day tomorrow in Lund ... studying, copying and printing, handing in some complements to my job application, attending an OT lecture, more studying and yeah ... studying! :)
At least that's the plan ...
I hope you all had a great weekend!
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Better Day
Today was at least better than yesterday - thanks for that!
I got to Uni really early and managed to get a bit of studying done when I got there. Unfortunately it was a bit difficult to concentrate at times, as construction workers were drilling or doing something, just outside the library - they seem to be following me!! *sigh*
We had an OT lecture at 10, on Genesis 12. These lectures are so interesting, I'm really happy I get the chance to attend if not all so at least most of them!
I started to feel a headache coming on, again - so I went to the Pharmacy and managed to control most of it anyway! Then I spent some time in the library, finishing off the schedule for the mentor meetings on this part of the course, printing some things and I got a little bit of studying done before heading home.
When I got home I felt SO tired, I basically collapsed in front of the TV for a while - not quite sure why I'm always so tired these days, but I guess the fact that I really don't sleep well at all now could have something to do with it!
I did manage to pull myself together though, and got a few hours of studying done tonight, as well as some general cleaning/clearing.
All in all, this has been a pretty good day! :)
Also, when I saw the blog had reached 32,000 visitors, it got even better! :)
I got to Uni really early and managed to get a bit of studying done when I got there. Unfortunately it was a bit difficult to concentrate at times, as construction workers were drilling or doing something, just outside the library - they seem to be following me!! *sigh*
We had an OT lecture at 10, on Genesis 12. These lectures are so interesting, I'm really happy I get the chance to attend if not all so at least most of them!
I started to feel a headache coming on, again - so I went to the Pharmacy and managed to control most of it anyway! Then I spent some time in the library, finishing off the schedule for the mentor meetings on this part of the course, printing some things and I got a little bit of studying done before heading home.
When I got home I felt SO tired, I basically collapsed in front of the TV for a while - not quite sure why I'm always so tired these days, but I guess the fact that I really don't sleep well at all now could have something to do with it!
I did manage to pull myself together though, and got a few hours of studying done tonight, as well as some general cleaning/clearing.
All in all, this has been a pretty good day! :)
Also, when I saw the blog had reached 32,000 visitors, it got even better! :)
Monday, 30 August 2010
A Good Day (and an injury)!
The official start of the semester today, and I have to say it was a good one! :)
I did get off to a bit of a slow start, so I wasn't at Uni until about 10 in the morning - but I got started on covenant theology pretty much straight away. I notice I've been away from it a while, because I have a very hard time concentrating, and I end up getting very tired - but I also know that is something you can train yourself to get better at, so I guess I just have to hang in there, right?! :)
During the afternoon I met quite a few friends at the Department, and it's nice catching up with everyone after the summer - though there's a fair bit of confusion generally, about education systems and courses and programmes ... so I guess I'm not the only one having problems! :)
I had a meeting with my professor at 3.30, and I was quite nervous about it. I felt I had to talk to him about this whole mess about what I'm supposed to take now - and since that's not really his field of expertise it felt a bit weird going to him ... and I also had to discuss the master's thesis - which I was nervous about as well!
And I have to say this meeting went REALLY well!! First of all, I got full support in regards to the courses. We talked it through pretty thoroughly and it seemed he felt just like me! *amazing* He definitely thought I would take this one more step, so now I'm going to email another man at the Department. We've been in touch, but it seems he hasn't quite understood what I mean and I haven't understood him either ... not good! Now I'm hoping for an appointment, so we can talk this through and hopefully sort it out once and for all! And with any luck, I can take an advanced New Testament course instead! *me want!*
After that we discussed my thesis, and that went really well too! I usually find it VERY difficult to do the background reading, I never know what to read, what to focus on, I'm hopeless with planning etc. and we solved that in a really great way. My professor outlined exactly what the background check was supposed to focus on, we set a meeting in a few weeks and until then I have to have a prepared paper with the background! That's just terrific, I know what to do and when and we can have a constructive decision about it!
I'm really happy with this day, though, of course, a bit nervous about the next step. I haven't sent the email yet, but I'm going to have to do it later tonight!
when I had gotten home and had some dinner, I managed to - kind of! - repair my bike! I have recently started riding it again, after something like 10 years (it's almost like learning it again!!), and even though my Dad helped me get it in a bit better shape, I realized the handlebar had shifted a lot now, making it almost impossible for me to use the breaks - not good, right!?! I actually fixed it - yay me!!! - but ended up cutting my left hand afterwards. I think it looks worse than it is, and I usually heal pretty fast, but it was a bit annoying!
Still, I'm so happy about the outcome of this day, I don't mind! :)
I did get off to a bit of a slow start, so I wasn't at Uni until about 10 in the morning - but I got started on covenant theology pretty much straight away. I notice I've been away from it a while, because I have a very hard time concentrating, and I end up getting very tired - but I also know that is something you can train yourself to get better at, so I guess I just have to hang in there, right?! :)
During the afternoon I met quite a few friends at the Department, and it's nice catching up with everyone after the summer - though there's a fair bit of confusion generally, about education systems and courses and programmes ... so I guess I'm not the only one having problems! :)
I had a meeting with my professor at 3.30, and I was quite nervous about it. I felt I had to talk to him about this whole mess about what I'm supposed to take now - and since that's not really his field of expertise it felt a bit weird going to him ... and I also had to discuss the master's thesis - which I was nervous about as well!
And I have to say this meeting went REALLY well!! First of all, I got full support in regards to the courses. We talked it through pretty thoroughly and it seemed he felt just like me! *amazing* He definitely thought I would take this one more step, so now I'm going to email another man at the Department. We've been in touch, but it seems he hasn't quite understood what I mean and I haven't understood him either ... not good! Now I'm hoping for an appointment, so we can talk this through and hopefully sort it out once and for all! And with any luck, I can take an advanced New Testament course instead! *me want!*
After that we discussed my thesis, and that went really well too! I usually find it VERY difficult to do the background reading, I never know what to read, what to focus on, I'm hopeless with planning etc. and we solved that in a really great way. My professor outlined exactly what the background check was supposed to focus on, we set a meeting in a few weeks and until then I have to have a prepared paper with the background! That's just terrific, I know what to do and when and we can have a constructive decision about it!
I'm really happy with this day, though, of course, a bit nervous about the next step. I haven't sent the email yet, but I'm going to have to do it later tonight!
when I had gotten home and had some dinner, I managed to - kind of! - repair my bike! I have recently started riding it again, after something like 10 years (it's almost like learning it again!!), and even though my Dad helped me get it in a bit better shape, I realized the handlebar had shifted a lot now, making it almost impossible for me to use the breaks - not good, right!?! I actually fixed it - yay me!!! - but ended up cutting my left hand afterwards. I think it looks worse than it is, and I usually heal pretty fast, but it was a bit annoying!
Still, I'm so happy about the outcome of this day, I don't mind! :)
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Busy Day!
It sure has been an intense Sunday, that's for sure. I'm really tired now, so I guess I'm in for an early night (not a bad thing, considering I have an early morning tomorrow).
I've been doing a real spring cleaning, well, not all of it today, but certainly most of it. Since I haven't been feeling well for a while, things like domestic work has been almost entirely ignored ... which meant that my spring cleaning took some doing!!
I've basically ignored my bedroom - I have SO much stuff in there I need to go through, sort out, sell or in some other way get rid of, and there's no possible way I'll have time for that now. So the bedroom is an exception ...
But the rest of the apartment is really clean now, I've been moving furniture, tossed all the carpets out on the balcony (let's just say that I'm impressed at what you can fit in a 1.5 square metre balcony *lol*), been scrubbing and cleaning most of everything ...
After that I realized it was high time to pay my bills, I've been doing some preparations for a meeting I have tomorrow, took care of a tradera-payment and I also went through the Old and New Testament exams. Both groups had their exam on Friday and I had the teachers send me the exams so I could take a look at them - "just for fun" (yup, I AM strange, I know!!!).
The OT exam felt pretty okay, I stumbled on a couple of verbs, it took some thinking but I think I did get it sorted out in the end (and yes, I did it under the same circumstances as the students did!).
The NT exam was by far a more humbling experience, that's for sure!! I've been feeling pretty good about the Greek lately, I know Greek comes easier to me than Hebrew does (ironic, isn't it?!?), and I've felt pretty good at lectures ... yeah ... right ...
I know I missed one grammar question (which is sooo not like me as I usually have them sorted out) and I had SO much trouble with the translation. I did get "something" eventually, but it certainly caused me more trouble than I had expected ... so it's not a bad thing I've decided to show up on some more Greek lectures, that's for sure!!
After all this, I'm pretty tired ... and I have a long day tomorrow! NT lecture 8-10, when we start on the Gospel of Mark-course. Then a "break", when I need to do some shopping, and STUDYING, and at 1 o'clock the OT introduction on the second half of the course ("Text and Theology - from Creation to the Prophets"), and when that's finished at 3, I have a meeting with the teacher who will tutor my "reading course" in NT ... I have never had anything to do with him before (I think he's the only one within OT or NT I have never dealt with before, apart from a few NT post graduate students), so I'm not sure what the meeting will bring. Since these courses are individual, the structure of the course is basically up to the teacher ...
I also need to do some shopping on the way home, as well as prep for the mentor meeting on Tuesday - and do the usually baking project (the results have been quite varied, so keep your fingers crossed for me, won't you?).
Considering what lies ahead, I think I'd better start winding down now and try to get as much sleep as possible!
Continuing to share some of my favourite photos ... comments are welcome of course ...:)
Enjoy!
I've been doing a real spring cleaning, well, not all of it today, but certainly most of it. Since I haven't been feeling well for a while, things like domestic work has been almost entirely ignored ... which meant that my spring cleaning took some doing!!
I've basically ignored my bedroom - I have SO much stuff in there I need to go through, sort out, sell or in some other way get rid of, and there's no possible way I'll have time for that now. So the bedroom is an exception ...
But the rest of the apartment is really clean now, I've been moving furniture, tossed all the carpets out on the balcony (let's just say that I'm impressed at what you can fit in a 1.5 square metre balcony *lol*), been scrubbing and cleaning most of everything ...
After that I realized it was high time to pay my bills, I've been doing some preparations for a meeting I have tomorrow, took care of a tradera-payment and I also went through the Old and New Testament exams. Both groups had their exam on Friday and I had the teachers send me the exams so I could take a look at them - "just for fun" (yup, I AM strange, I know!!!).
The OT exam felt pretty okay, I stumbled on a couple of verbs, it took some thinking but I think I did get it sorted out in the end (and yes, I did it under the same circumstances as the students did!).
The NT exam was by far a more humbling experience, that's for sure!! I've been feeling pretty good about the Greek lately, I know Greek comes easier to me than Hebrew does (ironic, isn't it?!?), and I've felt pretty good at lectures ... yeah ... right ...
I know I missed one grammar question (which is sooo not like me as I usually have them sorted out) and I had SO much trouble with the translation. I did get "something" eventually, but it certainly caused me more trouble than I had expected ... so it's not a bad thing I've decided to show up on some more Greek lectures, that's for sure!!
After all this, I'm pretty tired ... and I have a long day tomorrow! NT lecture 8-10, when we start on the Gospel of Mark-course. Then a "break", when I need to do some shopping, and STUDYING, and at 1 o'clock the OT introduction on the second half of the course ("Text and Theology - from Creation to the Prophets"), and when that's finished at 3, I have a meeting with the teacher who will tutor my "reading course" in NT ... I have never had anything to do with him before (I think he's the only one within OT or NT I have never dealt with before, apart from a few NT post graduate students), so I'm not sure what the meeting will bring. Since these courses are individual, the structure of the course is basically up to the teacher ...
I also need to do some shopping on the way home, as well as prep for the mentor meeting on Tuesday - and do the usually baking project (the results have been quite varied, so keep your fingers crossed for me, won't you?).
Considering what lies ahead, I think I'd better start winding down now and try to get as much sleep as possible!
Continuing to share some of my favourite photos ... comments are welcome of course ...:)
Enjoy!
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Holy Hannah!
Oh my ... a lot has happened the last few days, so I guess I should try to give you an update. Hopefully I can get on with regular blogging now, but for that to work, the update is pretty necessary!
I had an oral exam and a thesis-tutoring on Tuesday and I was in complete state of panic regarding the exam. Things have, as you may have noticed, not really worked out great lately, even though I have had some wonderful moments. I haven't found a working routine or been able to find focus and discipline on my studies, which has been very frustrating!
I did have a bit of luck on my exam, but I also actually noticed that I do know a little about my subject, I can think pretty fast, and I can draw conclusions that I'm not always prepared to do ... Turns out I did really well on the exam, and I got a Pass With Distinction (VG)!!!!! I had anticipated a failing grade, so that felt absolutely fantastic!!!! Also, this was the last so called "reading course" I'm allowed to take in Old Testament Exegesis (you are only allowed to take four such courses in each subject - and I've done my four now *sob*), so it was extra fun to actually end it with such a good exam! :)
After that we discussed my first grade thesis that I will be writing over the next few weeks. I had prepared some preliminary thoughts on what I wanted to, and the professor accepted it right away which felt really cool!! He gave me some ideas on literature (but most of it is in German, which I find quite difficult!!), and we discussed what I'm going to do next, and when to meet for our next tutoring!
The day was almost to good to be true, it felt unreal!! I have had some really good moments so far this fall as well, but this one is really outstanding!!! I took the entire day off yesterday and now I'm feeling really motivated to just "get on with it"!! :)
I was at Uni this morning, but I have a cold about to break out and I got a headache so around lunch time I gave up and came home. I ended up sleeping for over 2 hours (yikes!!) and after that I have done some more studying, and gone though my economy - which was NOT FUNNY!
I'm off to Uni again tomorrow, but now I have to start winding down and mentally preparing for tomorrow!
I had an oral exam and a thesis-tutoring on Tuesday and I was in complete state of panic regarding the exam. Things have, as you may have noticed, not really worked out great lately, even though I have had some wonderful moments. I haven't found a working routine or been able to find focus and discipline on my studies, which has been very frustrating!
I did have a bit of luck on my exam, but I also actually noticed that I do know a little about my subject, I can think pretty fast, and I can draw conclusions that I'm not always prepared to do ... Turns out I did really well on the exam, and I got a Pass With Distinction (VG)!!!!! I had anticipated a failing grade, so that felt absolutely fantastic!!!! Also, this was the last so called "reading course" I'm allowed to take in Old Testament Exegesis (you are only allowed to take four such courses in each subject - and I've done my four now *sob*), so it was extra fun to actually end it with such a good exam! :)
After that we discussed my first grade thesis that I will be writing over the next few weeks. I had prepared some preliminary thoughts on what I wanted to, and the professor accepted it right away which felt really cool!! He gave me some ideas on literature (but most of it is in German, which I find quite difficult!!), and we discussed what I'm going to do next, and when to meet for our next tutoring!
The day was almost to good to be true, it felt unreal!! I have had some really good moments so far this fall as well, but this one is really outstanding!!! I took the entire day off yesterday and now I'm feeling really motivated to just "get on with it"!! :)
I was at Uni this morning, but I have a cold about to break out and I got a headache so around lunch time I gave up and came home. I ended up sleeping for over 2 hours (yikes!!) and after that I have done some more studying, and gone though my economy - which was NOT FUNNY!
I'm off to Uni again tomorrow, but now I have to start winding down and mentally preparing for tomorrow!
Sunday, 6 September 2009
A Slow Weekend!
I know I have tons of stuff to do, but this weekend has been really slow, and I'm trying not to beat myself up about it! Last week was really overwhelming and I think I needed some downtime as well - although I hope I can get started and find my focus and concentration soon ... because I really will need it during this semester, that's for sure!
My studies will be SO intense this semester, and apart from that there are other things I need to do. There are some practical matters to consider, they will change all the windows here, which to be honest will be quite a big deal with Zorro. They're gonna be here for at least two whole days, and I guess I have to spend all that time locked up in one single room with Zorro ... doesn't sound that much fun, does it?! *sigh*
I'm also redecorating my bedroom which turned out to be a bigger project than I had anticipated, so that will take a while to finish. I also need to work on stuff like coping with seminars, especially since I now will attend the post-graduate seminars ... hardly feel at home there, will I?
I really hope I can get started for real tomorrow morning, I have to be honest had a fabulous week (with a few exceptions) and almost everything has worked out exactly the way I wanted it to and hoped for ... so I really hope I can make the most of this semester and turn it into a really good one! :)
My studies will be SO intense this semester, and apart from that there are other things I need to do. There are some practical matters to consider, they will change all the windows here, which to be honest will be quite a big deal with Zorro. They're gonna be here for at least two whole days, and I guess I have to spend all that time locked up in one single room with Zorro ... doesn't sound that much fun, does it?! *sigh*
I'm also redecorating my bedroom which turned out to be a bigger project than I had anticipated, so that will take a while to finish. I also need to work on stuff like coping with seminars, especially since I now will attend the post-graduate seminars ... hardly feel at home there, will I?
I really hope I can get started for real tomorrow morning, I have to be honest had a fabulous week (with a few exceptions) and almost everything has worked out exactly the way I wanted it to and hoped for ... so I really hope I can make the most of this semester and turn it into a really good one! :)
Monday, 2 March 2009
Yay - it's a week-day! :)
Sorry, I know most everyone does not like Mondays, but considering the way I can NEVER EVER get a weekend to work out for me, I'm quite fond of them actually! :)
We had Old Testament lecture at 10 this morning, and this particular area of the Hebrew studies are quite interesting to me, because we didn't quite go about it this way when I took the course (it's a new teacher now), so that makes it very exciting to me! :) (Guess I'm the only one - with few exceptions, who things it's exciting to find out exactly WHY the vowels change the way they do when you change the form of a particular word! *lol* Lena would agree, that I know, right?!? :) But I'm in good company, I know at least two other language-"nerds" around now ... even though one's retired and one is almost done with his PhD ... so I'm a bit behind those two ... *lol*)
Anyway .... what I was coming to was the fact that I stayed the whole lecture instead of leaving at 11.
I had a brief lunch and then studied some ... was having a bit of trouble concentrating, because I know the library is totally crowded around lunch time, so I sat outside the lecture halls ... not so great perhaps, but I only had about 1-1½ hours. Then it was time for the follow-up meeting with the student counsellor. He'd prepared a letter for me which was very detailed and probably will go a long way in my struggle for money! :)
After the meeting I went straight home ... some things just turned out generally *wrong*, but at least it sort of turned around after a while - which only goes to show - for me - that weekdays are good! On weekdays, bad things turn around and work out, on weekends, the bad things just keep getting worse!
(And yes, I'm just totally overdoing it, and trying to provoke a reaction - sorry guys! *lol*)
I did a bit of baking tonight, for the mentor meeting tomorrow (but it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to, which was my fault entirely), I've written my side of the letter to CSN, so I'll make the last copies, prints etc later on so I can post it tomorrow. Then I should do a rough plan for the mentor meeting and at least get some studying done!
*yawning*
Take care!
We had Old Testament lecture at 10 this morning, and this particular area of the Hebrew studies are quite interesting to me, because we didn't quite go about it this way when I took the course (it's a new teacher now), so that makes it very exciting to me! :) (Guess I'm the only one - with few exceptions, who things it's exciting to find out exactly WHY the vowels change the way they do when you change the form of a particular word! *lol* Lena would agree, that I know, right?!? :) But I'm in good company, I know at least two other language-"nerds" around now ... even though one's retired and one is almost done with his PhD ... so I'm a bit behind those two ... *lol*)
Anyway .... what I was coming to was the fact that I stayed the whole lecture instead of leaving at 11.
I had a brief lunch and then studied some ... was having a bit of trouble concentrating, because I know the library is totally crowded around lunch time, so I sat outside the lecture halls ... not so great perhaps, but I only had about 1-1½ hours. Then it was time for the follow-up meeting with the student counsellor. He'd prepared a letter for me which was very detailed and probably will go a long way in my struggle for money! :)
After the meeting I went straight home ... some things just turned out generally *wrong*, but at least it sort of turned around after a while - which only goes to show - for me - that weekdays are good! On weekdays, bad things turn around and work out, on weekends, the bad things just keep getting worse!
(And yes, I'm just totally overdoing it, and trying to provoke a reaction - sorry guys! *lol*)
I did a bit of baking tonight, for the mentor meeting tomorrow (but it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to, which was my fault entirely), I've written my side of the letter to CSN, so I'll make the last copies, prints etc later on so I can post it tomorrow. Then I should do a rough plan for the mentor meeting and at least get some studying done!
*yawning*
Take care!
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Things Back To Normal?!
Whoa! A couple of intense days to say the least!! At least I'm hoping things will be back to normal for a while now! :)
I studied like an idiot for the exam, but still didn't feel great about it! Granted, oral exams creep me out, but I really did not feel at all prepared enough!
I don't know what it's like for other University students, but I think the whole "oral exams"-thing is rather unusual in Sweden at least.
Basically, for my course (The Old Testament with Biblical Hebrew), the deal is this: I agree with a professor ('my' professor also happens to be the Head of the Faculty *gulp*) on a subject I want to study, we agree on a list of literature and about 10 pages of Hebrew text - and set a date for an oral exam. Come the day, I get to read and translate (and analyze) part of the Hebrew text, as well as answer questions and/or discuss the literature, with the professor.
From what I know, most people aren't happy about oral exams - well, most students, that is! :) I think the teachers and professor like it quite a lot, as it does require less work for them!* lol*
Anyway ...
For someone with a background of social phobia, oral exams are NOT funny at all - but fact of the matter is, this was my fourth, and while the results have varied, I have not failed, or needed to to return for a further exam, on any of them.
I was pretty freaked out yesterday, I had slept about 2½ hours, and was at the Department when the library opened at 9. Sat in on the Old Testament lecture 10.15-11 and kept studying after that. And at 2 o'clock it was time.
Adding to my anxiety was the fact that I have NEVER taken an exam for this professor before - and I really don't like starting it off with an oral exam ... when I don't know at all how he will do it, what level he will be at etc. I went up there, and we were dealing with the text part first ... It soon became clear I was going to have to read the Hebrew text as well as translate it - and I haven't read Hebrew out loud for almost a year! *yikes!* The professor was really calm and laid back about the whole thing - I guess he could sense I was totally panicky! :) - but I got started ... I didn't get too much text, lucky me, we went through Ecc. 6:1-3, but the verses were rather long. It felt ... "okay", though not good. I need to work on my vocaulary for starters, and I find it difficult to keep really long sentences in my head (without writing them down) and making any kind of sense of them) ... but at least it wasn't a complete disaster.
Then we moved onto the literature-part of it. I figured that would be a little bit easier, as it felt like it could be more of a conversation/discussion, even though I would do most of the talking and give most of the more specific information. The first thing that happened was:
The professor said that now, having read Ecclesiastes, and this particular part, as well as literature concerning not only Ecc. but also other literature close to it - how would I present Eccleasiates - if I, say, were giving a lecture on a basic level course?!?
Eh ... huh?!?!
Granted, I'm not completely alien to the idea of giving lectuers and teaching, but I most certainly was NOT expecting it in this situation! Still, things were very calm (from the professor's side!!), he told me to take my time etc. I got started talking, but I felt that he had to step in and "guide" me rather a lot ... asking questions to lead me in the right direction! And that didn't feel great ...
At one point, I just made such a horrible fool of myself - it was terribly embarrasing! He asked me a question, and I couldn't find the answer, but it was rather tricky. He kept "going around it", trying to find another way for me to come up with the answer - and all of a sudden, my brain just shut down. I couldn't find the answer to ANYTHING, in the end it was stupid questions, a 7th grader could have answered it (well, almost anyway) ... that felt pretty horrible.
But to tell the truth, horrible in a good way ... (yes, I'm tired, so please be patient)!
It did feel stupid and I did feel embarrased - but not at all in a way I would have felt say 2 years ago!
Two years ago, I would have dived into the depression pool over something like this, thinking that I made the worse possible impression by being so extremely stupid and feeling like I wouldn't be able to do anything at all in my entire life.
Now I do feel stupid, yes absolutely because it was such a basic question - but I also know that I really do know the answer, and that I just somehow got completely blocked out ... anybody can do it in any situation (ironically enough, after the exam, we discussed my next course, the professor had a book in mind, but couldn't for the life of him recall the name of the author, no matter how hard he tried! *lol*) - which means that even though it was embarrasing, I feel completely okay with it!
Amazing!!
We had other stuff to talk about two, my upcoming course as well as my essays ... and after about 45 minutes, the professor said we should conclude the exam.
I felt ... "okay" (again!), and hoped I would have passed, it kind of felt like I would have passed. The professor said: "Well, I'll have to congratulate you ..." - and my heart raced: that had to mean I had passed, right?!?" - "... to a VG" (which is the "high" of the two grades we have (not counting the failing grade)!
What?!?! How?!?! Why?!?!?! What??????
Looking back to how these first 4-5 weeks of the semester have been, I would never in my life have figured I'd get VG!! No way!! I didn't think I would fail - first of all, it's actually hard to fail on an oral exam (if you have a decent professor/teacher), because the can work their way around your problems, find new ways to approach things etc. so I pretty much hoped I'd pass, and get a G, but no way I thought I'd get VG!
So ... YAY!!!
*HAPPY!!!!!*
Today I went to the OT-lecture, spent some time in the library first, checking out a few books for my next course, and after the lecture we had a mentor meeting! I find it difficult to be in control of the meeting - we often end up with some specific question, and while it is good to address their questions, I do have an agenda and a plan, and I kind of feel I should follow it. But I'm also feeling that I get more secure for every meeting we have, and I also think the meetings are working out better and better now ... which is really great!
Have to say I feel thrilled right now - the last two days everything has just turned out wonderful! I'm not saying it'll last forever, because I know it won't, but I'm really happy because I think I have developed a way of actually enjoying those times when they come - seizing the moment - *~* Carpe Diem! *~* - and I think it's important to be able to that! I think it will help you when times get tougher ...
So, now I'm hopefully back on track, things seem to work out now, provided nothing unforseen happens, so I'm hoping to be able to keep this blog - and my other blogs - alive and kicking, and also catch up on other internet activity where I've been slacking now!
Take care guys!
I studied like an idiot for the exam, but still didn't feel great about it! Granted, oral exams creep me out, but I really did not feel at all prepared enough!
I don't know what it's like for other University students, but I think the whole "oral exams"-thing is rather unusual in Sweden at least.
Basically, for my course (The Old Testament with Biblical Hebrew), the deal is this: I agree with a professor ('my' professor also happens to be the Head of the Faculty *gulp*) on a subject I want to study, we agree on a list of literature and about 10 pages of Hebrew text - and set a date for an oral exam. Come the day, I get to read and translate (and analyze) part of the Hebrew text, as well as answer questions and/or discuss the literature, with the professor.
From what I know, most people aren't happy about oral exams - well, most students, that is! :) I think the teachers and professor like it quite a lot, as it does require less work for them!* lol*
Anyway ...
For someone with a background of social phobia, oral exams are NOT funny at all - but fact of the matter is, this was my fourth, and while the results have varied, I have not failed, or needed to to return for a further exam, on any of them.
I was pretty freaked out yesterday, I had slept about 2½ hours, and was at the Department when the library opened at 9. Sat in on the Old Testament lecture 10.15-11 and kept studying after that. And at 2 o'clock it was time.
Adding to my anxiety was the fact that I have NEVER taken an exam for this professor before - and I really don't like starting it off with an oral exam ... when I don't know at all how he will do it, what level he will be at etc. I went up there, and we were dealing with the text part first ... It soon became clear I was going to have to read the Hebrew text as well as translate it - and I haven't read Hebrew out loud for almost a year! *yikes!* The professor was really calm and laid back about the whole thing - I guess he could sense I was totally panicky! :) - but I got started ... I didn't get too much text, lucky me, we went through Ecc. 6:1-3, but the verses were rather long. It felt ... "okay", though not good. I need to work on my vocaulary for starters, and I find it difficult to keep really long sentences in my head (without writing them down) and making any kind of sense of them) ... but at least it wasn't a complete disaster.
Then we moved onto the literature-part of it. I figured that would be a little bit easier, as it felt like it could be more of a conversation/discussion, even though I would do most of the talking and give most of the more specific information. The first thing that happened was:
The professor said that now, having read Ecclesiastes, and this particular part, as well as literature concerning not only Ecc. but also other literature close to it - how would I present Eccleasiates - if I, say, were giving a lecture on a basic level course?!?
Eh ... huh?!?!
Granted, I'm not completely alien to the idea of giving lectuers and teaching, but I most certainly was NOT expecting it in this situation! Still, things were very calm (from the professor's side!!), he told me to take my time etc. I got started talking, but I felt that he had to step in and "guide" me rather a lot ... asking questions to lead me in the right direction! And that didn't feel great ...
At one point, I just made such a horrible fool of myself - it was terribly embarrasing! He asked me a question, and I couldn't find the answer, but it was rather tricky. He kept "going around it", trying to find another way for me to come up with the answer - and all of a sudden, my brain just shut down. I couldn't find the answer to ANYTHING, in the end it was stupid questions, a 7th grader could have answered it (well, almost anyway) ... that felt pretty horrible.
But to tell the truth, horrible in a good way ... (yes, I'm tired, so please be patient)!
It did feel stupid and I did feel embarrased - but not at all in a way I would have felt say 2 years ago!
Two years ago, I would have dived into the depression pool over something like this, thinking that I made the worse possible impression by being so extremely stupid and feeling like I wouldn't be able to do anything at all in my entire life.
Now I do feel stupid, yes absolutely because it was such a basic question - but I also know that I really do know the answer, and that I just somehow got completely blocked out ... anybody can do it in any situation (ironically enough, after the exam, we discussed my next course, the professor had a book in mind, but couldn't for the life of him recall the name of the author, no matter how hard he tried! *lol*) - which means that even though it was embarrasing, I feel completely okay with it!
Amazing!!
We had other stuff to talk about two, my upcoming course as well as my essays ... and after about 45 minutes, the professor said we should conclude the exam.
I felt ... "okay" (again!), and hoped I would have passed, it kind of felt like I would have passed. The professor said: "Well, I'll have to congratulate you ..." - and my heart raced: that had to mean I had passed, right?!?" - "... to a VG" (which is the "high" of the two grades we have (not counting the failing grade)!
What?!?! How?!?! Why?!?!?! What??????
Looking back to how these first 4-5 weeks of the semester have been, I would never in my life have figured I'd get VG!! No way!! I didn't think I would fail - first of all, it's actually hard to fail on an oral exam (if you have a decent professor/teacher), because the can work their way around your problems, find new ways to approach things etc. so I pretty much hoped I'd pass, and get a G, but no way I thought I'd get VG!
So ... YAY!!!
*HAPPY!!!!!*
Today I went to the OT-lecture, spent some time in the library first, checking out a few books for my next course, and after the lecture we had a mentor meeting! I find it difficult to be in control of the meeting - we often end up with some specific question, and while it is good to address their questions, I do have an agenda and a plan, and I kind of feel I should follow it. But I'm also feeling that I get more secure for every meeting we have, and I also think the meetings are working out better and better now ... which is really great!
Have to say I feel thrilled right now - the last two days everything has just turned out wonderful! I'm not saying it'll last forever, because I know it won't, but I'm really happy because I think I have developed a way of actually enjoying those times when they come - seizing the moment - *~* Carpe Diem! *~* - and I think it's important to be able to that! I think it will help you when times get tougher ...
So, now I'm hopefully back on track, things seem to work out now, provided nothing unforseen happens, so I'm hoping to be able to keep this blog - and my other blogs - alive and kicking, and also catch up on other internet activity where I've been slacking now!
Take care guys!
Thursday, 12 February 2009
A Really Good Day!
I've had a really good day though, even though I do feel I should do more studying tonight and I'm SO tired I can barely see the computer screen in front of me ...
But first things first. I had thought I'd go to Uni today, and attend the last half of the OT-lecture mostly because I think that when the teacher runs through the new stuff, it's really great repetition for me. The morning was mostly 'strange', so I decided not to rush to Uni. I needed to go anyway, but at least I wouldn't have to rush. I went online and a matter I had been struggling with a lot last night had apparently just solved itself when I logged on, so my mood dramatically improved. In fact, it improved so much I decided to go anyway, which meant *STRESS*!!
I managed to get to Uni in time, and I had a little chat with the teacher first. He was thrilled that I wanted to come, and that feels really good to hear. Unfortunately today he'd moved the 'new stuff' to the first half of the lecture (and he'll probably continue to do so), but I figured once I was there, I could just stay anyway. From now on, I'll try to make it to the first half though, because hearing him explain stuff is actually more rewarding for me than listening to the other students reading, translating and analyzing Hebrew sentences.
After the lecture, I started talking to the teacher and we had this totally amazing conversation! We got started on the Old Testament, on my courses this semester (he actually started reciting Ecclesiastes - that I'm doing a reading course on now - to me in Hebrew! *LOL*), on the new education system (which we both hate), and we just seem to think alike on a lot of stuff!! He also hinted that he wanted to start - probably this fall - an 'unofficial' reading/seminar group, for students who have taken Hebrew and want to keep it alive (there are no continuing courses now, in the new system, unless you count reading courses and essays, and they are very special), and I pretty much jumped out of my skin!!!! That was such a fantastic idea, I felt like hugging him! Well, almost anyway! :)
Later on we met up with another student from the course, and we just kept talking and talking and talking ... for an hour!!! Yikes!!! :)
It was really nice though, and I enjoyed it a lot!
I did some studying in the library before having a personal meeting with my mentor supervisor. We have a joint mentor-thing tomorrow, but I felt I wanted to talk to her in person today, partly about the meeting, where she attended, to hear her comments, but I also had something else I wanted to discuss with her. This other thing might pretty much solve itself though, so we just agreed I should wait and see on that! But I got some good feedback on the meeting, and some constructive things on what to do in the future so that was really good.
I did have a headache, despite my good day, so when I was finished, at 3 p.m. I decided to go home and cure my headache. It took a while, but I've at least gotten some studying done tonight. I am so horribly tired though, and I'm thinking, maybe I need to switch day and night a little. I get really really tired around 9 p.m. - and I mean so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. The question is if I should try to go to bed that early (even though it always takes me about 2-2½ hours from when I go to bed to when I fall asleep, because Zorro thinks that's the funniest time to play aorund ... *sigh*) - and get up really early instead?!?!
I usually function better in the morning, so that might be an idea. Go to bed between 9 and 10 p.m. and constantly set my alarm for 3.50 or 4 a.m.?!?! Might work. Even though I have a lengthy morning routine, that should make me be able to study for at least 2-3 hours effectively before I need to go to Uni! Not bad ...
And with that said - I'm off to bed! :)
Good night everyone!
But first things first. I had thought I'd go to Uni today, and attend the last half of the OT-lecture mostly because I think that when the teacher runs through the new stuff, it's really great repetition for me. The morning was mostly 'strange', so I decided not to rush to Uni. I needed to go anyway, but at least I wouldn't have to rush. I went online and a matter I had been struggling with a lot last night had apparently just solved itself when I logged on, so my mood dramatically improved. In fact, it improved so much I decided to go anyway, which meant *STRESS*!!
I managed to get to Uni in time, and I had a little chat with the teacher first. He was thrilled that I wanted to come, and that feels really good to hear. Unfortunately today he'd moved the 'new stuff' to the first half of the lecture (and he'll probably continue to do so), but I figured once I was there, I could just stay anyway. From now on, I'll try to make it to the first half though, because hearing him explain stuff is actually more rewarding for me than listening to the other students reading, translating and analyzing Hebrew sentences.
After the lecture, I started talking to the teacher and we had this totally amazing conversation! We got started on the Old Testament, on my courses this semester (he actually started reciting Ecclesiastes - that I'm doing a reading course on now - to me in Hebrew! *LOL*), on the new education system (which we both hate), and we just seem to think alike on a lot of stuff!! He also hinted that he wanted to start - probably this fall - an 'unofficial' reading/seminar group, for students who have taken Hebrew and want to keep it alive (there are no continuing courses now, in the new system, unless you count reading courses and essays, and they are very special), and I pretty much jumped out of my skin!!!! That was such a fantastic idea, I felt like hugging him! Well, almost anyway! :)
Later on we met up with another student from the course, and we just kept talking and talking and talking ... for an hour!!! Yikes!!! :)
It was really nice though, and I enjoyed it a lot!
I did some studying in the library before having a personal meeting with my mentor supervisor. We have a joint mentor-thing tomorrow, but I felt I wanted to talk to her in person today, partly about the meeting, where she attended, to hear her comments, but I also had something else I wanted to discuss with her. This other thing might pretty much solve itself though, so we just agreed I should wait and see on that! But I got some good feedback on the meeting, and some constructive things on what to do in the future so that was really good.
I did have a headache, despite my good day, so when I was finished, at 3 p.m. I decided to go home and cure my headache. It took a while, but I've at least gotten some studying done tonight. I am so horribly tired though, and I'm thinking, maybe I need to switch day and night a little. I get really really tired around 9 p.m. - and I mean so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. The question is if I should try to go to bed that early (even though it always takes me about 2-2½ hours from when I go to bed to when I fall asleep, because Zorro thinks that's the funniest time to play aorund ... *sigh*) - and get up really early instead?!?!
I usually function better in the morning, so that might be an idea. Go to bed between 9 and 10 p.m. and constantly set my alarm for 3.50 or 4 a.m.?!?! Might work. Even though I have a lengthy morning routine, that should make me be able to study for at least 2-3 hours effectively before I need to go to Uni! Not bad ...
And with that said - I'm off to bed! :)
Good night everyone!
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Crazy And Good Day!
My day feels rather insane actually, even though it's been good - and this afternoon I've been soooo tired!! I really really really should have cleaned my appartment tonight, but there's just No Way!
But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
I debated with myself this morning, which train to take, but I was tired then as well, and decided I could take the later train! Which was in itself late ... I usually accept those things, becuase I know there's nothing I can do about it - no matter how mad I get, the train won't come sooner, but I'm totally starting to loose my patience now. I think the owner-ship of the company changed or something - because there's been some changes made recently ... among other things the fact that the trains are never on time!!
This meant I was kind of late for Uni, I arrived at the Department at about 9.55, the lectures starts at 10.15, and I did have a few things to do before that!! As soon as I arrived I met a guy from the OT-course, and since I'm mentor, I just can't brush people off, but I felt completely stressed out! I made the conversation as short as I could, rushed in and started a pot of coffee. While the coffee was in the making I rushed down to the student union (in the basement *lol*) and borrowed cups and spoons ... rushed back to my coffee and fixed all the stuff for the mentor meeting and stuck it in a bag.
Wehn upstairs to the second level, I had planned to get some copies made for the mentor meeting, but when I got up there, it was 10.12, so ... no!
Instead I went on the lecture, but - and I hate to admit it - didn't pay much attention to what was going on. I had my mind full of mentor-meeting planning, checking the handout I was going to copy and check out an attendance list for the mentor meeting ...
Before I knew it, the teacher called for a break. I suddenly realized that I had made surveys for the students about the mentor meeting - so I quickly gave a yell and handed them out, before rushing out to get my copies done. After that I had to make a run for the coffee and stuff downstaris, but managed to get it all fixed in 10 minutes! *stress*
Second half of the lecture, I was too curious about the surveys to concentrate, I just had to check them out! :) Overall, I don't think I could have done much more than I have about getting people to come ... those who don't show up, just don't seem to want to ... and I can't do anything about that!
The teacher was a little late, and I actually saw my mentor supervisor outside, so that felt a bit embarressing, but I could hardly be blamed for the teacher not sttopping in time ... :)
Anyway, as soon as he was done, I made a call for the mentor meeting and headed out to greet my supervisor ... and tried to see if anybodoy would show up for the meeting! :)
I have to say that while things are not running super-smooth with the whole mentor thing, each meeeting is better than the previous - at least that's the way I feel.
There were five students there today, which is a decent turnout, since they were 2 or 3 last time. I was really nervous about my supervisor being there, but I really did feel like I handled it in a good way. I was able to actually lead the meeting - which is really what I'm there to do, but I have a hard time taking the initiative and actually being the leader. We went through a general discussion and I had my excercise with verbforms, which I think they appreciated! :) In fact, things were going so well, that all of them stayed ... finally my supervisor had to go because she had a seminar, but we actually kept the meeting going for over 1½ hours!!! And I got some positive feedback on the excercise, which feels really great!!
I really wish I had gotten the chance to talk to my supervisor, but she had to rush ... I do hope I'll get an opportunity later in the week though. There are some purely practical issues we need to discuss, and I also would like to hear her constructive thoughts on the meeting, also take up some stuff I have doubts about ...
I didn't get home until it was 3.30, and I have been completely exhausted ... which is SO NOT GOOD!! I do realize the mentor-thing is taking waaaay to much energy now, and I'm really starting to worry about my own exam. I'm thinking about staying home tomorrow, I still need to be 200% focused and getting things done, but it would be nice not having to worry about getting ready and having to watch the clock all day ....
But I'm definitely in for an early night tonight, that's for sure!
But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
I debated with myself this morning, which train to take, but I was tired then as well, and decided I could take the later train! Which was in itself late ... I usually accept those things, becuase I know there's nothing I can do about it - no matter how mad I get, the train won't come sooner, but I'm totally starting to loose my patience now. I think the owner-ship of the company changed or something - because there's been some changes made recently ... among other things the fact that the trains are never on time!!
This meant I was kind of late for Uni, I arrived at the Department at about 9.55, the lectures starts at 10.15, and I did have a few things to do before that!! As soon as I arrived I met a guy from the OT-course, and since I'm mentor, I just can't brush people off, but I felt completely stressed out! I made the conversation as short as I could, rushed in and started a pot of coffee. While the coffee was in the making I rushed down to the student union (in the basement *lol*) and borrowed cups and spoons ... rushed back to my coffee and fixed all the stuff for the mentor meeting and stuck it in a bag.
Wehn upstairs to the second level, I had planned to get some copies made for the mentor meeting, but when I got up there, it was 10.12, so ... no!
Instead I went on the lecture, but - and I hate to admit it - didn't pay much attention to what was going on. I had my mind full of mentor-meeting planning, checking the handout I was going to copy and check out an attendance list for the mentor meeting ...
Before I knew it, the teacher called for a break. I suddenly realized that I had made surveys for the students about the mentor meeting - so I quickly gave a yell and handed them out, before rushing out to get my copies done. After that I had to make a run for the coffee and stuff downstaris, but managed to get it all fixed in 10 minutes! *stress*
Second half of the lecture, I was too curious about the surveys to concentrate, I just had to check them out! :) Overall, I don't think I could have done much more than I have about getting people to come ... those who don't show up, just don't seem to want to ... and I can't do anything about that!
The teacher was a little late, and I actually saw my mentor supervisor outside, so that felt a bit embarressing, but I could hardly be blamed for the teacher not sttopping in time ... :)
Anyway, as soon as he was done, I made a call for the mentor meeting and headed out to greet my supervisor ... and tried to see if anybodoy would show up for the meeting! :)
I have to say that while things are not running super-smooth with the whole mentor thing, each meeeting is better than the previous - at least that's the way I feel.
There were five students there today, which is a decent turnout, since they were 2 or 3 last time. I was really nervous about my supervisor being there, but I really did feel like I handled it in a good way. I was able to actually lead the meeting - which is really what I'm there to do, but I have a hard time taking the initiative and actually being the leader. We went through a general discussion and I had my excercise with verbforms, which I think they appreciated! :) In fact, things were going so well, that all of them stayed ... finally my supervisor had to go because she had a seminar, but we actually kept the meeting going for over 1½ hours!!! And I got some positive feedback on the excercise, which feels really great!!
I really wish I had gotten the chance to talk to my supervisor, but she had to rush ... I do hope I'll get an opportunity later in the week though. There are some purely practical issues we need to discuss, and I also would like to hear her constructive thoughts on the meeting, also take up some stuff I have doubts about ...
I didn't get home until it was 3.30, and I have been completely exhausted ... which is SO NOT GOOD!! I do realize the mentor-thing is taking waaaay to much energy now, and I'm really starting to worry about my own exam. I'm thinking about staying home tomorrow, I still need to be 200% focused and getting things done, but it would be nice not having to worry about getting ready and having to watch the clock all day ....
But I'm definitely in for an early night tonight, that's for sure!
Saturday, 31 January 2009
A Turningpoint!!
This entry is well overdue, but I do have a reason for that. Thursday ended up being a real turningpoint for me, and once I got home I was so much in awe over what had happened, I couldn't bring myself to sit down and write about it. Yesterday was a true 'resting-day', where I did absolutely nothing whatsoever - and now I'm hoping to get back on track full stop.
But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
We had an essay seminar at 8 a.m. on Thursday morning - this time not the 'joint' seminar, but a seminar in Old and New Testament Exegesis - that is, the seminar I really want to follow. Both professors are really great, and I feel comfortable around them (which is not the case with the professor leading the joint seminar).
This whole mess of seminars came up right away, and I felt horrible. I had pretty much figured out how things were supposed to be done - and this was confirmed by the professors too - the only problem is that I wouldn't have been able to work out my other courses that way. I didn't want to make a scene in front of the whole group, so I kept a low profile and decided to talk to 'my' professor at our meeting after the seminar.
The seminar itself was pretty regular, I had attended one just like it in September, so it was mostly repetition for me. We finished off in the Library, getting some advice on literature, dictionaries etc. to use.
Afterwards I accompanied the professor to his office to have a chat. I was pretty nervous, as things were complicated to say the least.
I started explaining everything (again, sorry, but I cannot go into detail here), I knew how I was "supposed" go about things, but how I couldn't figure out a way to make that work along with my other courses (and this professor is supervising all my courses this semester, so he knew exactly what I was talking about) ... I figured I was in for a real fight, since I knew I technically wanted the system to make an exception just for me (which is generally much frowned upon) ... but I was in for a surprise!
Turns out the professor had apparently given this some serious thought, he had been talking to the professor leading the joint seminar, and since things had been so complicated and confusing, they (I think, mostly 'my' professor) had decided they to do "what's best for the student".
Which bascially meant that I get exactly what I want from this semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to follow the Old (and New) Testament seminar, and only that, I can work out my planning with the professor just like we had discussed earlier and I don't have to attend the joint seminars!!!!!!!!!
I must have looked like an idiot, because I could hardly believe it! I kept asking and asking and asking, but apparently that has been decided now!!! *extremely happy!*
That just took a massive burden off my shoulders and I was SO HAPPY!!!
After this meeting, I took a well-deserved rest. I met a girl I took Hebrew with last spring, we haven't really stayed in touch, but we had a really long and rewarding chat, and after that Lena came! I haven't seen her in quite a while, so it was great catching up.
I got a book from the library for my reading course, and at 12 I went to meet with the post-graduate who's taking the course where I'm mentor. There were some questions raised during the last mentor meeting, and even though I know I how I feel about them, I wanted to run it by him, so we don't say opposite things to the students. He's a really nice guy and I'm very grateful we can "work together" on this! Since it's my first time as a mentor, I'm very insecure about a lot of things, and being able to run things by him helps a lot!! He also promised to try to get more or the students to come to the meeings! :)
I honestly can't believe how well Thursday went, it felt almost unreal! All of Thursday afternoon I kept thinking I would wake up and realize it had all been a really great dream, but I haven't woken up yet, so I guess it actually did happen!! *amazing!*
While yesterday was a relaxing day - and this morning has been slow because I hardly slept at all last night - I am MORE than motivated to do something really GREAT with this semester now!! The fact that things went SO well, really raized my motivation a great deal - so now I'm hoping to be able to be 100% efficient and more ...
But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)
We had an essay seminar at 8 a.m. on Thursday morning - this time not the 'joint' seminar, but a seminar in Old and New Testament Exegesis - that is, the seminar I really want to follow. Both professors are really great, and I feel comfortable around them (which is not the case with the professor leading the joint seminar).
This whole mess of seminars came up right away, and I felt horrible. I had pretty much figured out how things were supposed to be done - and this was confirmed by the professors too - the only problem is that I wouldn't have been able to work out my other courses that way. I didn't want to make a scene in front of the whole group, so I kept a low profile and decided to talk to 'my' professor at our meeting after the seminar.
The seminar itself was pretty regular, I had attended one just like it in September, so it was mostly repetition for me. We finished off in the Library, getting some advice on literature, dictionaries etc. to use.
Afterwards I accompanied the professor to his office to have a chat. I was pretty nervous, as things were complicated to say the least.
I started explaining everything (again, sorry, but I cannot go into detail here), I knew how I was "supposed" go about things, but how I couldn't figure out a way to make that work along with my other courses (and this professor is supervising all my courses this semester, so he knew exactly what I was talking about) ... I figured I was in for a real fight, since I knew I technically wanted the system to make an exception just for me (which is generally much frowned upon) ... but I was in for a surprise!
Turns out the professor had apparently given this some serious thought, he had been talking to the professor leading the joint seminar, and since things had been so complicated and confusing, they (I think, mostly 'my' professor) had decided they to do "what's best for the student".
Which bascially meant that I get exactly what I want from this semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to follow the Old (and New) Testament seminar, and only that, I can work out my planning with the professor just like we had discussed earlier and I don't have to attend the joint seminars!!!!!!!!!
I must have looked like an idiot, because I could hardly believe it! I kept asking and asking and asking, but apparently that has been decided now!!! *extremely happy!*
That just took a massive burden off my shoulders and I was SO HAPPY!!!
After this meeting, I took a well-deserved rest. I met a girl I took Hebrew with last spring, we haven't really stayed in touch, but we had a really long and rewarding chat, and after that Lena came! I haven't seen her in quite a while, so it was great catching up.
I got a book from the library for my reading course, and at 12 I went to meet with the post-graduate who's taking the course where I'm mentor. There were some questions raised during the last mentor meeting, and even though I know I how I feel about them, I wanted to run it by him, so we don't say opposite things to the students. He's a really nice guy and I'm very grateful we can "work together" on this! Since it's my first time as a mentor, I'm very insecure about a lot of things, and being able to run things by him helps a lot!! He also promised to try to get more or the students to come to the meeings! :)
I honestly can't believe how well Thursday went, it felt almost unreal! All of Thursday afternoon I kept thinking I would wake up and realize it had all been a really great dream, but I haven't woken up yet, so I guess it actually did happen!! *amazing!*
While yesterday was a relaxing day - and this morning has been slow because I hardly slept at all last night - I am MORE than motivated to do something really GREAT with this semester now!! The fact that things went SO well, really raized my motivation a great deal - so now I'm hoping to be able to be 100% efficient and more ...
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Congratulations Blog! 15,000!!
Things are pretty insane here at the moment, and I'm rather stressed out, so I will have to get back later on tonight, or tomorrow, for a more general update - but I couldn't help noticing that yesterday we hit the 15,000-visitor mark with this blog!
*YAY!!*
Even though I am sometimes bad at updating this blog, it feels wonderful that it still has so many readers! Thank you very much! :)
Will be back with a proper update later! ;)
Take care, and have a nice Saturday!
*YAY!!*
Even though I am sometimes bad at updating this blog, it feels wonderful that it still has so many readers! Thank you very much! :)
Will be back with a proper update later! ;)
Take care, and have a nice Saturday!
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