Sunday, 30 November 2008

A Confused Panic?

The title more or less is the story of my life right now!
I've gone into a full-study-mode now, for the exam on Wednesday ... and I honestly don't know how I feel about it! The whole thing is a massive mess, and I usually don't feel quite so confused regarding exams - and I don't like that feeling one little bit!! It's one thing to not feel prepared, I can handle that, but not knowing anything is a terrible feeling!
I have really made an effort on this course, and I can honestly say I have never studied so much for a course before as I have for this one! Still, if I go by the way I have understood the teacher, I feel like I might just barely pass this exam ... On the other hand, I know I have made an effort, and I know stuff, when he asks questions during lectures, I can usually answer them, so I think I have gained a lot of knowledge from studying so much ... and that to me says I shouldn't have any problems passing the exam .... ergo: confusion!!

Another frustrating things is time right now! I know exactly how I want to study for this exam, I know what I want to do and how ... the problem is, I don't have the time for it. I don't think I'd make it even if I sat 25 (!) hours a day until the exam starts, and that means I have to put my energy into prioritizing, trying to figure out what is more important than something else. And I'd rather put all my energy to actually studies!!

Sorry about the complaining rambling! My mood isn't all that bad - even though I still feel my cold and am in pain most of the time - I do enjoy the subjects I'm taking, and for that I am very grateful ... but I can't help this confusion and frustration about the exam. I know there's nothing I can do about it, except give it my all and hope for the best - but it's hard just to stop thinking about it entirely as well.

Finishing with something a little happier. I took a break tonight and did a few digi.scraps - enjoy!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Novum Testamentum Graece
Currently watching: Sanctuary
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting Lena, Greek lecture, mentor meeting, STUDIES!

Friday, 28 November 2008

A Tribute!

August 1994 - November 2008

While this might sound silly to you, this entry will be a tribute to my Mother's car, she had to take it to the car dump yesterday to have it destroyed! :(
She and I both know that it's a "thing", but this car has had a special meaning to us both, and she's had it for 14 years, so it's quite a big thing to get rid of it!
I spend a lot of my "learning-to-drive" years in this car (and boy could we tell some stories *lol*), and after that we've had lots of laughs in here on various trips! However, a car does have a limited lifetime (don't we all!), and for the last year or so, it hasn't been completely trustworthy. Added to that, the question of economics - after all, you can't put too much money on a car that's so old - I think my Mum made the right decision!
But it's still tough, I won't deny it!

I don't think I've quite grasped it yet, as I live so far away, but I guess I will be made painfully aware when I come up for Christmas holidays!

Anyway, this is a tribute to "EKU:n" (which is the unofficial name of the car *smile*), and to all the GREAT times it's given us! You will be missed!

14,000 - Thank You!

Well, it seems people are reading this blog - we reached 14,000 visitors today! Thank You!
Still missing comments from most of you, but I guess I don't keep this blog for getting comments, right?! :)

I've had a day of mixed feelings today ... this afternoon most of it turned bad, so I'm not in a great mood right now, that's for sure! I hadn't planned on making this entry at all, but when I realized we hit 14,000 I just had to write something! :)

I was at lectures today, despite feeling terrible and running a fever. Not sure if it gave me anything, but I feel I should be there for these last lectures before the exam, sick or not. At least we got a few laughs, and that's not bad, right?

I should have gotten a lot of studying done today, but unfortunately I've been feeling my cold as well as a pretty bad headache, so I haven't been in study-mode. I just hope I'll start feeling better soon, because I NEED to start studying for the exam now!! I can deal with the fever with pills, so that's no major concern, but I'm still in a lot of pain, no matter what I do, and that makes it hard to focus and concentrate.

Won't go into a complaining-marathon, but instead try to get some sleep and hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Novum Testamentum Greace
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, studies

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

One Week To Go!

Wow, it's been a strange few days now!
After having gotten back from my mini-trip I caught a cold, and while I haven't been completely under the weather, it's been bad enough. I have managed to study, but in slow-motion to say the least ... Lucky for me, our teacher has been in the United States, so we haven't had any lectures so far this week.
I have felt better today, and I managed to finish translating the entire Gospel of Mark! *YAY!* This means I will probably be able to re-type and repeat the entire gospel, or at least most of it, before the exam next Wednesday! *fingers crossed*
Still, not much is being done on the essay, and I feel really, really bad about it! I know I'm gonna have to get going with that as well, and soon (especially since the horrible holidays are coming up!), but I simply can't squeeze it in before the exam ....

Now, it feels very strange to try to be back-on-track again, starting tomorrow! Just the mere fact of getting up before 4 a.m. feels weird, I haven't had to do that for a number of days now, and I also have to be able to deal with lectures, translating and whatnot ... and even though I know I have dealt with that in a very good way so far in this course, naturally I feel insecure about it having been away from it all for so long! I also feel insecure about the whole course now, what the exam will be about, will we have time to go through all the verses ans chapters (no!!), will he include stuff we haven't gone through on lectures in the exam ... let's just say, it all feels like a great big mess!

I'm still not completely recovered from my cold either, and I'm not longing for getting started at Uni again, even though it's only 2 days left until the weekend, I feel very tired and I am in some pain ... I don't have much choice, I know that, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it!

Anyway, I guess I'll have to start preparing a little for tomorrow now, and then get an early night, so I have the energy to get up early tomorrow! *yawning already*

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Novum Testamentum Greace
Currently watching: Sanctuary, webisode 3
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, mentor meeting, studies!

Sunday, 23 November 2008

The Candle

Don’t let the Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die. May God richly bless you as you keep this candle burning. Pass it on to all your Friends and to everyone you love.

Thank You very much ANNIKA, for passing this on to me!

I'd like to send it on to:
LENA, JOHANNA, SARA, JESSICA - and also to every reader of my blog! (If you have a blog of your own, and read mine, feel free to add this to your blog!)

Back To Greek And Hebrew!

Good evening!

I'm back from my little mini-trip now, which almost feels unreal!! Since it was so intense, and so short, it's hard to believe it actually happened now that I'm back in my normal routines again!
I spent most of Friday travelling, I left here at about 8.30 and arrived about 5 p.m. It was full steam ahead with my little sisters, even though the young one is a little shy - and they had grown a lot since this summer! :)
I managed a short visit with my Mum on Friday night, and we also went over some practical details with my Dad, since they'll be gone until December 23 and I'll arrive at their house before they do! :)

Saturday was play-time most of the morning *lol*, and I left about 1 o'clock. The trip was okay, it was rather slow in the beginning, but after about 1½-2 hours it started getting better. I arrived at 7.30 - and Zorro was SO happy to see me!! I had really missed him a lot, even though it was GREAT to be able to let him stay home, instead of dragging him off to someone, as I have to get him on buses and trains and whatnot!
We had a lovely evening yesterday, just relaxing, and Zorro would be on top of me almost the entire time ... he would hardly allow me to use the bathroom! :)

Today it was back to studies again ... so I've spent most of today studying Greek! My studies are a massive great confusion at the moment, and I won't bore you with details, so I haven't gotten a clue as to what I should do when ... I'm hoping the more I do, the more I'll learn what else I need to do ... if that made any kind of sense! :)

Moving on to pictures! First, some pictures from a walk I made a few days ago:

And now, a few pictures of my adorable little sisters! It was a hard time getting some good photos since I was there for such a short time, but at least I got some! I especially like the last pictures of "I" (the youngest), I think she looks so beautiful!

Blog Dedication
Today's Blog Dedication goes to Lena who kindly came to check in on Zorro! It meant a lot to him and me, so I am very grateful for that! Thanks!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Novum Testamentum
Currently watching: Sanctuary
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies ... what else?

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Frustration And Stress!

That is pretty much my life at the moment!
Right now I'm super-stressed to get everything ready for my mini-trip tomorrow, so this will just be a short Good-bye entry ... and hopefully I'll be back on Saturday evening or Sunday with a longer entry.

At the moment, most of my life feels like chaos. I know it's not the end of the world, but I think I am trying as much as I possibly can, and I just can't seem to do enough ... This is a really long story and I won't go into it now, as I have tons of stuff to do before calling it a night - and of course I have an early morning tomorrow as well.

I'm looking forward to meeting my families again, of course, even if it's for a short visit, but I would have liked it even more, had I not be quite so stressed out! I have three books with me to read on the bus-ride tomorrow (I have to get through one of them, from the other two I need references for my essay), but I still miss out on two whole days of studying ... and the timing isn't perfect! But I guess you can't have everything, right?!

Anyway, I'm off to packing, translating Mark, last-minute cleaning, and cuddling with Zorro now!
Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Lots and lots! :)
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Trip to my families! :)

Tuesday, 18 November 2008


I have had a strange few days now, not quite sure what to say about them ... they've just been ... weird ...
I have felt a little better this afternoon, and at least have gotten some studying done, so I hope I'm gonna be back on track again now! I know I get like this at times - but it's annoying since I have so much going on right now that I need to finish and work on and work out. Still, no use dwelling on the past! I am, like I said, feeling better now, so hopefully things will move on more smoothly from now on!

I really don't have that much to write about, been studying a lot of Greek lately, because we're getting some time off from Greek lectures when our teacher will go to America (lucky guy, huh?!), and I want to focus on my essay during those lecture free days ... which is why I want to stay ahead with the Greek preparations now!
Not doing all to bad though, apparently we're going to start chapter nine tomorrow and I just finished chapter eleven tonight, (and both nine and ten are fairly long), so I think I'm doing okay with that.
We have lectures tomorrow and Thursday, and then nothing until next Thursday! *GASP!* Still, the time won't be that efficient for me ...
On Friday morning, I'll go up to visit my families - the super-shortest little visit. Okay, long backstory here *lol*!
I have a hard time transporting myself up north for the Christmas holidays, so usually my Dad and I have met about half way (in Gothenburg) in December, he's driven there and I've taken bus/train, then we've swapped, so I've taken the car home, and then I have a car for when I'm going for the holidays will all my packing and Zorro. This year that won't work, because my Dad and his family will go on a major trip, a two-week trip to Florida as an early celebration of his birthday (which is in January). Therefore I'm gonna go up on Friday by bus, and take the car back with me on Saturday ... intense few days, but at least I get to see them a short while before their trip (they leave in mid-December and will be back for Christmas).
That does however mean less intense studies! :)
On Thursday I'll have to get everything ready, minor packing, cleaning, preparing Zorro (Lena will come and check in on him once while I'm away) etc. - and hopefully some studying. And I'll be gone Friday and Saturday ...
But I do hope I'll get a lot of work done on my essay as I at least have four whole days - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. And if I can get enough ahead on Greek like ... tomorrow ... I might not have to prepare anything for Thursday and Friday next week either, meaning I can get that time for my essay as well ...

Sorry about the rambling ... I have translated about 90 Bible verses today, so my brain feels overcooked!
Anyway, I hope I'll be back to everyday blogging soon ... and hopefully some adorable pictures of my little sisters on Sunday! :)

Blog Dedication:
Two Blog Dedications today:
* To Lena, for passing her Systematic Theology exam once and for all! YAY YOU! :)
* To Storsmulan, for receiving great news for great accomplishments! YAY YOU TOO! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Novum Testamentum Greace *lol*
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 3
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lectures, library studies, more studies

Sunday, 16 November 2008

New Week Ahead!

As usual, the weekend hasn't been all that great!
I guess everybody will want to kill me for saying that, but I opt for the cancellation of weekends! *lol* Seriously though, I can never get a weekend to work out! I'm constantly in a bad mood, I never get things done, and then I get upset for not getting things done, but when I try to get things done, they end up not getting done anyway!!
And yes, there's a tad bit for frustration in there ... :)

I won't make this into a long entry, because I'll just end up babbling incoherently about how terrible I feel right now, and seriously, you folks have better things to do than reading about my sucky weekend!

I do feel divided about all this though! Part of me is happy the weekend is over, because I am usually in a better mood during the weeks ... but a part of me is stressing like a maniac because I haven't gotten as much done as I should have during the weekend and I know I don't have all the time in the world during the week. Life is hard, right?!

It's getting late already, but I'm hoping - *fingers crossed* - I'll get about 1-1½ hours of studies done tonight ... before going to bed (though I'm still yawning like crazy already!)!

Pic of the Day - yeah, it returns! :)

I spoke to both my sisters on the phone yesterday, so what better pic-of-the-day than this wonderful "Yummy!"-scrap! :)

Blog Dedication
To Lena - who's doing an oral exam tomorrow!! Thinking of you, I'm sure you'll turn the charm on and things will work out! ;) *hugs*

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France (and a lot of other stuff as well)
Currently watching: "Parlamentet" (Swedish comedy)
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Library studies, Greek lecture, maybe meeting Lena, more studies

Friday, 14 November 2008

Down and Up Again!

I had a been of a down-turn yesterday ... I guess it wasn't a big thing really, but there was a kind of "incident", and everything about it just turn totally wrong. I know I shouldn't let something like that get to me, and I don't think I usually do, but the circumstances there and then made me feel pretty horrible about most things!

I hardly slept at all last night, but I did managed to get to lectures this morning, and that felt good. My mood was more than foul however, and I mostly felt like crawling up in a corner and make myself invisible. The group functions really well though - and it's a small group - so I could tell everyone I was in a terrible mood and wouldn't be much company ...
Lectures worked out - I told the teacher I was hardly even present and my mind didn't work at all, so I didn't have to translate anything. It was nice to "get out of it", but fact of the matter is, I wasn't as relieved as I thought I would be. And I'm very happy about that, because it tells me that I really have managed to de-dramatize the whole situation in a very real way! I just hope I can keep it that way!

Most of today I have spent writing in my diary! Partly about this "incident", but also about a lot of other stuff that has been piling up, that I haven't had time to deal with properly - and that helps me a lot! I feel like I've cleared my mind in a very real way now, and I have put a lot of things behind me (including yesterday's incident), and I'm ready to get back into things again!

I'm hoping this will help me to not waste another weekend, because I really can't afford that the way things are now! I have to make both Greek studies and my essay work, and for that, I need to raise my efficiency levels pretty drastically - and what better way to do that than get a full two-days of studying in?! :)

Short summary tonight, but it's really late, I'm really tired and I have to at least try to get up at a reasonable hour tomorrow!

I have updated my other two blogs tonight (only in Swedish, sorry for those of you that I'm excluding) - and also worked out new layouts for them (found a totally cool new website that makes it really easy!)! I love the new layouts myself (feel free to tell me what you think!), and I was thinking about changing the layout on this blog, which after all is my "main" blog ... but I did decide against it. I have kept the layout of this blog intact almost since I started it, which is over 2 years ago - I rather like it (even if it is a bit plain) and it seems to be working!
I'd love to hear your opinions though - both on this blog and the others if you like - what kinds of layouts do you like? Dislike? What is appealing to you? Feel free to leave a comment! :)

~ Cogito, ergo sum! ~
Tankar Från En Teologi Student

Good night everybody - I hope you have enjoyed your Friday night!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France
Currently watching: Numb3rs
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Right Or Wrong?

I've had a pretty strange day today!
I was supposed to have Greek lectures and a mentor meeting, but when I got up this morning, I decided to skip lectures! While things are going great with Greek studies, the essay is starting to be a REAL problem, time flies and I have no clue whatsoever on how I'm gonna make it work.
I'm meeting with my professor tomorrow afternoon, and I thought that if I could stay home today and prepare Greek like an IDIOT, I'd be so much ahead I could take time to work on the essay from tomorrow after the meeting and at least all the way through Saturday ...

I guess the intention was good ...
But I'm starting to feel I'm going into a phase where I cannot make the right decisions any more ... because clearly staying home was maybe not-so-great! *sigh*

It's not like I haven't done anything, I have translated about 65 Bible verses - and written down the Greek text to about 20 more - which is good, but not what I had expected ... I had actually hoped to have done almost twice that amount! *oops*!
Since I wasn't at lectures today, I have no idea how efficient things were today (that tend to vary a lot!), so I have no idea if I should have done waaaay much more, or if this is okay! I know I am ahead (unless they went through like 80-85 verses today *lol*) but the question is how much ahead I am, because that tells me how much time I will be able to spend on my essay. I will find out tomorrow morning, so I guess I shouldn't stress too much about it ... but since it feels like everything is hanging in the balance, it's hard to to start thinking a bit too much!

Since it's the dark time of the year, I'm also constantly tired - I guess everybody else is too, but I really do need to be more efficiant than I am right now, if I'm going to make this work. And I kind of have to make it work.
Greek studies is going so well right now, and I don't want to start slacking there, and take the risk things going bad there. But keeping it they way I want to certainly requires a lot of time and energy.
And I can't give up on the essay either. I need the the essay on several levels, not only do I need it for my degree (well, sort of, anyway!), I also think it would be really good for me personally if I could finish it! I have never done this before, and it is a whole new way of "studying", a way I will be doing A LOT more of in the future (this essay is 25% of fullt-time studies over one semester, I will also be doing one of 50% (next semester) and one of 100% (next fall)!), so I really need to get the hang of it and make it work!
The only problem is I seem to have neither the time nor the energy to do it!

I know a lot of things in my life are better now than I had ever dared hope, and I do think I'm trying to be grateful for them, and not get stuck in a manner where I'm only complaining all the time - but I can't help getting worried ... the weeks fly by sooooo quickly, and Christmas and the beginning of January will be extremely difficult for me to work out ... so in order to feel really good about myself, I should have about 95-98% of the entire Greek course and the entire essay finished by December 15th ... terrific! *not*

Okay, enough complaining now! I'm hoping to at least copy (if not translate) a few more verses before heading to bed - and then I'll have to start preparing for Greek tomorrow morning and then make a U-turn to try to get to my essay in Hebrew ...

Monday, 10 November 2008

I Am Stupid!

Pardon the title, but that's just the way I feel right now!
This ties in with the last entry here, about my weekends not being so great ... and boy, is that true! Today I've had an active day, a bit too much stress - and I have a lot to do before I can go to bed tonight (try a lot of cleaning and translating 43 verses from the Gospel of Mark *gulp*), but I feel waaaaay much better than I did during the weekend!
So why can't stupid-stupid me just realize that I feel better when I actually DO things!!! Sure, it's nice to relax and watch TV and spend time on the computer and reading books, I'm the first person to admit it - but there is another side to it as well!! First and foremost: I do have a lot going on in my life right now, meaning a lot of deadlines, and if I don't work my ass off, I'm not gonna make it! Period! That's one part of it, and the second part is that I actually like what I'm doing now!! I enjoy my studies, I'm doing really well, not only my exam results but the entire University situation is better now than I had even dared to hope for... and also ... this is what I want to do with the rest of my life! Okay, perhaps not study for written exams - but I want to "study" (in a somewhat loose sense of the word) for the rest of my working career, learn things, teach, do research, parttake in projects - and all of that is actually similar to what I'm going through right now (except I'm hoping the time-pressure might not be quite as tough all the time!)!!

I know I usually mess up my weekends, and it's a bit early to say that I'll do better next weekend *lol* but I'll certainly try! Today has been an intense day, but it has so far worked out really really well, and once again I have handled things in a good way that I probably wouldn't have handled at all earlier ...
I really hope I can keep this in mind during the weekends as well, because it's really getting obvious that I feel sooooo much better when I'm active and doing things!

And in saying that, I should now do a sweep in my kitchen and bathroom, take out the vacuum and start translating Mark chapter five (though I'm not sure I'm up for doing all of it at once! *lol*)

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Great Week - Not-So-Great Weekend!

I'm definitely seeing the same tendencies now as I did last semester when it comes to comparing the week and the weekend. When things in my life work out fairly well - which they did most of last semester, and have done these past few weeks - I am in a good mood during the weeks, I can stay alert, I get things done ... and on the weekends it's just the opposite!
I sleep way to much, and I get almost apathetic, I don't have the energy to do anything ... and that feels terrible!
I know the basic concept is that you are supposed to catch up on sleep and relax during the weekends, but that doesn't really work out for me. First and foremost, I never have the energy to study effectively for 8 hours a day Monday through Friday, which means I have to study during weekends. Also not helping the fact that I'm studying more than full time (the Greek-course is full time, and on top of that I have my essay) - which also means I have to study during the weekend. And apparently I'm not ... at least not as much as I should. Which makes me be in a bad mood!

This Greek-course is not quite what I had expected, and it kind of has a new concept as to how it's been before, meaning it's actually more intense than the last course - instead of the opposite. We go through about 35-45 Bible verses every single day - and as I have discussed in previous entries, I have to at least have done the analysis if I'm going to cope.
And I do ... I mean, preparation of one Greek lecture takes me about 5 hours, and that's fine ... I can do that on a daily basis.
Just one problem: My essay!! It has been sooooo difficult to get it going, and now I have at least gotten started (I think), even though I am rather confused. I kind of messed up the seminar, since I had a migraine, and I really feel I have to start getting the whole essay thing back on track again! I also have to have a meeting with the professor this coming week (hopefully LATE this coming week), and by then (or a couple of days before) I need to email him what I have gotten so far ... which isn't much ... which means I have to find the time to add more ...
It's a mess!!

Mentally and emotionally I am doing really well!! I am still amazed at how well this week has been, and how content I am with the way things are on a more psychological level!
But the stress factor, in getting everything done in time and being prepared enough, is really starting to get to me - and I think this gets more evident during weekends (which might also explain my bad weekend-mood). During the week I am so busy just doing things, getting to lectures, keeping up with Greek preparations, meeting friends, do the shopping etc. that I don't really have time to see the big picture - which I do on weekends ... and I quickly realize I'm in trouble!

Okay, enough complaining - sorry about that!
While I am nervous about what the future will hold, and how I will cope with everything, I am 100%, and more, motivated to make it work, and make it work in a good way! And even thoug motivation isn't everything, I know it goes a long way!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek Lectures, Library studies, cleaning

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Good But Intense Week!

Saturday night, and I guess it's time to summarize this week - which I guess I have already done in the title! *lol* I stick with that statement: It's been good but intense!

The most important things this week has of course been the Greek exam - I still quite can't understand it!! I knew Greek came fairly easy to me (ironically, I find Greek a lot easier than Hebrew, but it's Hebrew I'm going to continue with *lol*), but I had missed so much and didn't feel well at all the last 3-4 weeks before the exam ... so being able to get the result I actually did feels fantastic!!

I'm also very happy - and a little bit proud - that I have managed to get to all lectures this week, and that I have coped with them the way I have! I still don't know why, all of a sudden, the translation-thing seems to work so much better now, but I'm certainly not complaining! :) I seem to establish myself, my person, ME, in this group, in a way I never have before - and I think that I have actually been establishing myself and getting a better self esteem all the way through 2008 ... and yet, it seems to be even more evident now!
And fact of the matter is - I REALLY enjoy it! :)

Yesterday was quite an intense day ... we didn't have lectures until 12 (stupid!!), but I still went into Uni to study at the library at 9. On the way there I met another Greek student, so we ended up studying together, even though she was studying Greek and I was working on my essay. Around 10 we had a sort of "inofficial mentormeeting", the meeting on Thursday was cancelled, so we were having an informal one - which basically meant having coffee in the Student Union Recreation room! *lol* Very nice!
I got in about 45 minutes of studying after that as well, but had a bit of a headache that didn't want to go away!

Lectures at 12, I did feel a bit more anxious than usual at the beginning, but once the whole thing was on the way, it more or less disappeared (not completely but to a great extent). We have been few students there this week, the average has been 5-6 (we are 11 in the group), which means everyone gets to translate quite a lot ... and since it has been going so well for me, I am actually happy about it, because now, the more I say and do, the more "de-dramatized" the whole concept will be!
I also feel, like I said before, that I have 100% established myself in the group, I am fully accepted, I do not feel at all alienated, and I can - in a way that I never even thought possible! - take the fact that people are making comments or jokes regarding me ... I know they are all nice and friendly and that is the way people interact with each other, while I only a few years ago would have been devastated and felt like I was the joke of the entire Department!

After lectures I did a little shopping before I went home, where I actually managed to completely get rid of my headache! *YAY!* I took the afternoon off, making tacos and just relaxing - it was wonderful!!
I slept in today to, I almost slept to 10 o'clock!! *GASP* (I usually feel like I sleep in when I get up at 7.30!) - guess I really could do with the rest!
The morning was really really slow, and I nothing got done, but this afternoon I have cleared the kitchen, done some internet-work, emailed my essay-professor and translated all of Mark 4 ... not so bad, right?! :)
But no more studying tonight, now I'm gonna wind down and get to bed, and hopefully get an early start tomorrow!

I hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France
Currently watching: Family Guy
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Work on my essay, grocery shopping, Greek studies

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Quite the Turn-Around!

While I don't want to jump the gun here, things seem to have taken a turn-around in my Greek-course now! It has really been up-and-down, but going on about a week and a half now, I feel really GREAT about it!! The exam results helps, of course - *LOL* - but there's so much more than that! I somehow feel a lot more at ease now, than I did some 3-4 weeks ago, and I just LOVE it!! I'm so much more relaxed, and even though I have to say the social interaction has worked surprisingly well the entire semester, it has been even better (if that's even possible!) the last week!! Amazing!!

I'm reading like four or five sentences every lecture, and while I'm not at ease doing it, it's really working out, and at times I don't even feel anxious about it (just nervous, but there really is a difference to it!)!
The fact that this feels so real just now, has to do with an incident at the lecture today ... And I guess now has come the time to explain something that I haven't felt comfortable talking about here.

Some time back (can't really remember, but I'd say the beginning of October or something like that), and I real set-back in Greek ... an incident happened that made me more or less loose it, and - as always - it takes time to recover from something like that, especially in such an intense course. What happened was this:
I wasn't fully prepared, but I wasn't too concerned about it, because I knew I could ask to skip the whole read-translate thing, it wasn't the first time I would be doing it, and I knew other students had done so as well on occasion. Once I got there, and it was my turn, I did as planned - I said I wasn't prepared, and could I please be excused. The teacher looked at the sentence and said that I could probably do it anyway! There are students who can, on a whim, get through a sentence they haven't prepared before - let's just say I'm not one of them. I get really stressed out when I'm 'in the spotlight', and I can't think fast enough then, I mix everything up, and my anxiety levels keep rising.
I tried to get out of it, but the teacher was kind of pushy (but of course, he doesn't know about my problems, so I certainly don't blame him) ... and he kind of "forced me" - in my eyes - to get through the sentence and analysis on the spot. And I kind of broke down after that ...

Moving on ...
I had prepared the text for today, I had done the analysis, but I still find the syntactic part of it difficult - even though I know and have analysed the words, I still can't work out a translated Swedish sentence. Right toward the end of the lecture, I was asked to read such a sentence - I had the analysis but couldn't make heads or tails of the sentence. Once again, I "wasn't allowed" to pass it on to the next student, and I made at least half of it, spontaneously in front of the class. While it didn't feel great in any way, and I had anxiety throughout, it didn't affect me nearly as bad as it did only a month ago!! I'm not going to say it just simply worked out - because it didn't, and there are a lot of little things that I don't feel very comfortable with, but just the fact that I did it and could walk out of there with a smile on my face is quite extraordinary!
I can't really tell what has promted this turn-around, when the turn-arounds go this way, I'm not complaining! :)

I haven't been super-efficient today, as I am usually very tired these days, but at least I have prepared all 35 verses for tomorrows lecture and that feels good.
What I will most certainly bring from today is that I need to at least prepare the analysis. Apparently, I'm not going to get off the hook on this Mark-course, with the translations, and I have noticed that most of the students (all of them??) tend to go through with it even though they are unprepared. And after today, I think I can as well, as long as I at least have the analysis to fall back on. I don't think I could have coped at all, if I hadn't had the analysis and the actual meaning of the words - but as long as I have that, I might just make it work! :)

Well, I'm really tired now, and while we don't have lectures until 12 tomorrow (WEIRD!), I plan to spend the morning in the library, working on my essay - so I still need to get some sleep ...

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Library, mentor meeting (?), lectures - celebrating my exam by taking the afternoon off!

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Amazing News!!

Yup, I have some truly amazing news to share ...
We got our Greek exams back today. Our teacher handed them out, when he brought me mine, he didn't give me a chance to look at it, he just stared at me and stated loudly: "You're nuts!"
I practically had a heart attack - and I wonder what the other students thought?! - and figured I had misunderstood the whole thing and had scored a big fat 0 on my exam!! Until I turned it over, and saw I had scored 48 out of 48 possible!!! *GASP*!!
That was well and truly totally unexpected!! I was more or less sure I had passed, and I had some hope I would get VG (the high grade), but definitely nothing like this!! It's actually a first for me too, I have never had top score on an exam before ... *grinning like an idiot*
I am sometimes being "accused" (in a loose sense of the word!!) of being a language-nerd (hrm - anybody in particular I'm thinking of here, maybe??), and I think I have got the ultimate proof now, so that's probably all true. I took - unofficially - the Hebrew language-exam in March, and had 51 out of 52 possible ... now I'm taking the Greek language-exam and score 48 out of 48 ...
There are still some areas and issues that surrounds the exam that I'm not 100% thrilled about, but it's all on an emotional level, and actually hardly worth even noticing! :)

I actually felt like I was in 7th heaven, and had a very hard time coming down to Earth and start analyzing the Gospel of Mark! I really didn't have a choice though ...:)
Once again, I practised my "translating-in-front-of-everybody" thing, that I still have difficulties with! I do it, most of the time, but it's not something that comes easy to me. Yesterday and today has probably been the best days so far, but it's still not something I can do without thinking about it. And I kinda bailed on one sentence today ... *feeling a little guilty* I had prepared it, but I couldn't get it to make any kind of sense whatsoever, and I couldn't really cope with that ... Still, I think I translated maybe four verses in total - and that's not all bad, right?!

I went straight home after Uni, but I think the excitement surrounding the exam was too much for me, because I quickly developed a pretty bad headache that I had a hard time getting rid of ... It's only just disappeared - meaning I should get a whole lot of Greek-studying in now. Fortunately for me, we are a bit behind schedule, so I think I have prepared most of what we'll go through tomorrow, but I still want to get a bit more done ... and I had hoped to get ahead a little, as I have to start dealing with my essay on Friday and during the weekend ... Even though I need to get up at 4 a.m., I should be able to get at least 1½-2 hours studying in now, and I think I still have some adrenaline left over from this morning, so hopefully I won't fall asleep in Novum Testamentum Greace. :)

I did take a long (1½ hours) walk this afternoon, in hopes of making the headache go away - here are some photos! :)

Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, Mentor-meeting, studies

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Tuesday, 4 November 2008

High Intensity Level!

As per request, I am supposed to do a "fun and interesting blog entry" ... okay ... *nervous smile* Easier said than done, since I've been completely exhausted since this morning's lecture. Guess I could take the easy way out and claim that in today's postmodern context, I emphasize the value of hermeneutics, meaning that there are no exact sciences and everything can be interpreted more or less any way you choose (within reason of course). Drawing on that can theoretically make this completely incoherent blog entry interesting ... for someone ... maybe ...
Does that count?

Sorry, about that! These days I blame Biblical Greek on everything in my life, well almost anyway! (And the things that Biblical Greek can't be held responsible for ... well, there's always Biblical Hebrew, right?! *lol*)
Seriously though, this course has started off with intensity levels I could hardly imagine! The Greek and Hebrew courses are structured pretty much in the same way, in that you first study the language and grammar, then move on to a more theological perspective, though based in the original language. When I took Hebrew, the second half of the semester was less intense then the first, even though none of it was an easy ride. And in Greek, it seems to be the opposite! We're studying the entire Gospel of Mark, and we're supposed to prepare and go through one chapter a day ... if you're not up to date in your Bibles, I'd estimate we have to prepare (on average) about 35-40 Bible verses every single day!
My intention was of course to try to do just that, as the exam will be on a text from the Gospel of Mark, but since I thought we were going to focus more on theology than grammar, it felt like it wasn't the end of the world if you were precisely up to date to every single lecture - and boy was I wrong! Apparently we're going to go through every single verse in the Gospel of Mark, at least make a translation of it, and when problems arise, we discuss the grammatical analysis ... AND deal with the whole theological perspective!
Quite a shock to say the least!

We were few students at lectures today, 5-6 ... meaning I (and the others!) had to read a lot verses!! I think I read seven or eight all together - and I usually have trouble reading one!! But something kind of strange happened today - because it didn't bother me at all the way it has done on most occasions!! For some reason I coped better than I think I ever have today, I read and I made mistakes and I read and I got it right and I read and I made jokes ... and that never happens!! *gasp*
Don't get me wrong here, I'm totally grateful for it, and very happy! But I still can't help but wonder if this can last! I have had lectures earlier in the semester, where things have worked out really well - but it's never lasted ... just the following lecture I couldn't cope and felt really really bad. It's strange not to be able to put your finger on why it sometimes work out great and sometimes end in disaster, because it's more or less the same stuff that happens, the same people and .... *confusion*
I REALLY want to be able to go more or less every single lecture on this course, I'm really starting to enjoy it more and more, the New Testament theology (that we've been into so far) is more interesting than I had anticipated, the group and the teacher work out ... and that's why I'm really scared I'll feel completely different tomorrow, will panic over the verses I can't figure out, feel totally exposed and end up with such an anxiety attack I'll have to miss lectures ... I don't think I'm being overly negative either, because that has actually happened before!
I know there's nothing I can do about it, at least not tonight, all I can do is try as hard as I possible can to go, and do my best and relax - and then just cross my fingers it will work out ...

What else? Well, we'll probably be getting our exams back tomorrow! *nervous laugh* I'd be very surprised if I haven't passed, but other than that ... it's anybody's guess. I think I'm a bit more nervous about this exam than many others since there were a number of rather personal "issues" surrounding the exam, in different ways! And while I think I've worked through most of them now, I still can't leave the whole thing behind me until I get the exam back.

Otherwise, I'm pretty much living in the Gospel of Mark right now, trying to squeeze in a little Ecclesiastes for my essay when I get the chance ... I guess that doesn't sound too thrilling, but I actually really do enjoy what I'm doing, even though I'm at times complaining a lot! I have really found my place here, this is really and truly what I want to be doing! Lucky me, hey?!

That's it for tonight ... and I'll let you be the judges on the "fun and interesting" part! :)
Good night!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Gospel of Mark, R.T. France
Currently watching: Inspector Lynley - For the Sake of Elena
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lectures, studying

Sunday, 2 November 2008

A Good Weekend!

I have to say this weekend has been really good - it has been a great way to wind down after the last few tough week and a good preparation for what lies ahead!

Friday was really slow, once I got home. I did absolutely nothing, which felt wonderful, and I think I really needed to just let go of everything!

Saturday morning I spent cleaning the apartment, which was a MESS! I also managed to do some grocery shopping, and start checking a bit on my essay, before Lena and Tobias came. This was the first time I met Tobias, and it was really nice they had the time to come by for a little to eat before the movie. It ended up being a lot of movie-talk in general, as it is a common interest! :) And of course, Zorro joined in the conversation! *lol*
Then we went to see Quantum of Solace, which had it's ups and downs. As usual, I have a very hard time knowing what I think of a Bond movie until I've seen it a few times, but I'd say I reacted more or less as I had anticipated - something were good, some were not so good ...
I have made a review of the movie (see below) for those interested - but it might contain spoilers if you haven't seen it.

For some reason, I was completely exhausted this morning, I had such a hard time getting started! I had slept fairly good (at least by my standards), but I guess most of the stress and anxiety of the last few weeks started catching up with me once I started relaxing. It took a long time before I was up and about properly, but I managed to send out a bunch of emails this morning, went for a walk, and have worked on my essay this afternoon.
I have finally started actually writing something, when it comes to the essay. I still have major boundries and feel insecure about a lot, but I have written (as a first draft of course) most of the "Introduction" part of it ... so I have gotten almost 2 pages ... I guess that's something, right? I also have a few concrete areas listed that I need to check up on, in order to be able to complete it ... I know I have fallen way behind on the essay, but at least now I'm finally feeling I have started it, so at least that feels good!

Tomorrow starts a new intense week and a new intense course! We have lectures Monday through Friday - starting a course on the Gospel of Mark - but I don't think I have anything else planned for this week yet. Tomorrow I'll stay at Uni studying, and hopefully I'll catch up with Lena as well, and then we might have a mentor meeting, though I'm not sure if we're having it since we're just starting this course. I know I'll have tons of studying to do, so I'm not complaining about "only" having lectures. Apparently we're gonna have to go through one chapter every single day - and I checked the Gospel of Mark: the shortest chapter has about 25 verses, which is okay ... the longest chapter has over 70 verses ... you have one day to prepare 70 verses?!?!?! *yikes* On top of that, I also have to really work on my essay, otherwise I'll never get it ready in time ...
Guess this weekend was the only none-stressing time I got this semester, huh?!

I'm actually quite tired, so I'd better head off to bed early tonight.
Take care!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Förfalskarna, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Die Another Day
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures, meeting Lena, studying

James Bond: Quantum of Solace!

I went to see the new James Bond movie, Quatum of Solace, last night and here are my initial thoughts on it! And please remember ... my initial thoughts! I tend to need at least three or four viewings of a Bond film before being able to make a proper assessment of it!
!! Spoiler Warning for those of you who haven't seen it !!

As of now, I felt that Quantum of Solace was quite uneven. Some things were really good, while others didn't impress me at all. I appologize if the review seems confused, but that is bascially because my impression of the movie was rather confused.

I really like the fact that it picks up right where Casino Royale left off!! Casino Royale did end with a cliffhanger, and it was great to see that cliffhanger picked properly! I also have to say I like the basic storyline - going after this very powerful organization nobody's heard of and know nothing about takes me back to the early days of SPECTRE ... and that is just to my liking! :) Also, the motive of Bond being almost a rogue agent is appealing! It has been done (or tried?) before, in Licence To Kill, (and to a certain degree in the beginning of Die Another Day) but I have to say this time, it's way better!
I also enjoy the fact that it is a true agent-story - we never loose that perspective which is really good. Since Bond really is on the verge of crossing the line, the questions of what happens when a secret agent goes over to the other side (since it appears that's what Bond has done) is really dealt with here, and dealt with in a very realistic way ... except for maybe one thing: Would the head of MI6 really travel around the world to check up on agents? In this movie we see M on at least two locations, and while I really enjoy Judi Dench's performance, is that really realistic?

Moving on to not-so-greats. My first impressions of the main title and the title song was: Terrible! I'm sorry to say it, but it didn't feel "Bond" at all to me! I wasn't thrilled about the main title in Casino Royale either, but I really like the title song - here, none of them appealed to me.
Also, while I think the action-and-fight sequences are impressive, without a doubt, they are much to long for me! I can't help but get the feeling the movie has come in short, so they have to add as much fighting, car chasing, boat chasing, chasing on foot, as they possible can, just so the movie will be long enough! Like I said, it is impressive, but when it goes on for too long, I just get bored with it ...Daniel Craig does make a nice James Bond, even though I wasn't quite comfortable with him at the start. There has been a trend of making Bond more "human", going back all the way to Timothy Dalton in the late 80's, but I think it's basically Craig that can pull it off ... Pierce Brosnan did a pretty good job of it in Goldeneye, when he ended up fighting his life-long friend Alec Trevelyan, but the opening of Die Another Day - which also was supposed to show Bond's more vulnerable side - didn't sit quite right with me. But Daniel Craig does bring something to the part when it comes the human side of Bond - very impressive!

I am less impressed with the "Bond girls" (yeah, I know it's not politically correct to call them that these days, but it's just old habit ... sorry) - to be frank, I didn't get the sense of their characters at all. Bond's first meeting with Camille (Olga Kurylenko) just felt very confusing, and even though we later on got some insight to her character, she felt rather flat to me. The other lady, Fields (Gemma Arterton), didn't make much of an impression either - although her part was rather small. I did like the way they portrayed her death - nice homage to Goldfinger!!

Dame Judi Dench as M is wonderful as ever! While keeping her in this "new" series does make things confusing, she certainly fits the part and does an amazing job with it! I also enjoyed seeing
Giancarlo Giannini again, once again a nice look-back to Casino Royale.

As of now, I don't want to make some definite statement on the movie, as I have to see it more times before - but like I said in the beginning: It felt quite uneven. Some things really good, some things, not at all so good.