Saturday, 31 January 2009

A Turningpoint!!

This entry is well overdue, but I do have a reason for that. Thursday ended up being a real turningpoint for me, and once I got home I was so much in awe over what had happened, I couldn't bring myself to sit down and write about it. Yesterday was a true 'resting-day', where I did absolutely nothing whatsoever - and now I'm hoping to get back on track full stop.

But I guess I'd better start at the beginning! :)

We had an essay seminar at 8 a.m. on Thursday morning - this time not the 'joint' seminar, but a seminar in Old and New Testament Exegesis - that is, the seminar I really want to follow. Both professors are really great, and I feel comfortable around them (which is not the case with the professor leading the joint seminar).
This whole mess of seminars came up right away, and I felt horrible. I had pretty much figured out how things were supposed to be done - and this was confirmed by the professors too - the only problem is that I wouldn't have been able to work out my other courses that way. I didn't want to make a scene in front of the whole group, so I kept a low profile and decided to talk to 'my' professor at our meeting after the seminar.
The seminar itself was pretty regular, I had attended one just like it in September, so it was mostly repetition for me. We finished off in the Library, getting some advice on literature, dictionaries etc. to use.

Afterwards I accompanied the professor to his office to have a chat. I was pretty nervous, as things were complicated to say the least.
I started explaining everything (again, sorry, but I cannot go into detail here), I knew how I was "supposed" go about things, but how I couldn't figure out a way to make that work along with my other courses (and this professor is supervising all my courses this semester, so he knew exactly what I was talking about) ... I figured I was in for a real fight, since I knew I technically wanted the system to make an exception just for me (which is generally much frowned upon) ... but I was in for a surprise!
Turns out the professor had apparently given this some serious thought, he had been talking to the professor leading the joint seminar, and since things had been so complicated and confusing, they (I think, mostly 'my' professor) had decided they to do "what's best for the student".
Which bascially meant that I get exactly what I want from this semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to follow the Old (and New) Testament seminar, and only that, I can work out my planning with the professor just like we had discussed earlier and I don't have to attend the joint seminars!!!!!!!!!
I must have looked like an idiot, because I could hardly believe it! I kept asking and asking and asking, but apparently that has been decided now!!! *extremely happy!*
That just took a massive burden off my shoulders and I was SO HAPPY!!!

After this meeting, I took a well-deserved rest. I met a girl I took Hebrew with last spring, we haven't really stayed in touch, but we had a really long and rewarding chat, and after that Lena came! I haven't seen her in quite a while, so it was great catching up.
I got a book from the library for my reading course, and at 12 I went to meet with the post-graduate who's taking the course where I'm mentor. There were some questions raised during the last mentor meeting, and even though I know I how I feel about them, I wanted to run it by him, so we don't say opposite things to the students. He's a really nice guy and I'm very grateful we can "work together" on this! Since it's my first time as a mentor, I'm very insecure about a lot of things, and being able to run things by him helps a lot!! He also promised to try to get more or the students to come to the meeings! :)

I honestly can't believe how well Thursday went, it felt almost unreal! All of Thursday afternoon I kept thinking I would wake up and realize it had all been a really great dream, but I haven't woken up yet, so I guess it actually did happen!! *amazing!*

While yesterday was a relaxing day - and this morning has been slow because I hardly slept at all last night - I am MORE than motivated to do something really GREAT with this semester now!! The fact that things went SO well, really raized my motivation a great deal - so now I'm hoping to be able to be 100% efficient and more ...

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

What? When? Where? How?

I didn't think things could get more confusing then they already were last week - I was wrong! For some reason, the bad things never stop coming right now, and even though I haven't reached my breaking point just yet, I certainly don't feel well at all!

The weekend more or less flew by without me knowing what happened to it, and when Monday came I was in a state of panic!! I didn't have that much planned, I was attending an Old Testament lecture (in the group where I'm mentor) and I was going to try to find some people at the Department, but I was just feeling AWFUL, so I stayed home! I don't usually just skip things nowadays, but there was just no way I could make it work ...

Yesterday was the worse day of the week (probably) - I always seem to end up with Terrible Tuesdays! I was dreading it even beforehand, and believe me: not much of it got better than I had expected.
I have a hard time explaining it in detail here, at least the first part of the day which involved an essay seminar - as those things are closely connected to our education system, which is undergoing some changes and therefore are confusing to say the least.
The point was, this was a joint seminar of several subjects (but in the new system, all these subjects is ONE subject, which is WEIRD - Old Testament Exegesis and Systematic Theology is NOT the same subject!!), and it nearly killed me!!
I had made a study plan with the professor in the Old Testament, since I'll be doing four individual courses for him - but according to this joint seminar, I had to take one of my essays there, and the way they had planned it screwed up my entire lecture-plan for this semester, and I honestly think that if they force me to participate in the joint seminar, I'll screw up a lot of other courses - because I still have to be at the OT seminar ...
Okay, I'm sorry ... I'm rambling like an idiot, and I'm guessing you don't understand anything right now. Should anyone really be interested in the details - please let me know, and I'll try to make a proper explanatory entry about this alone!

The seminar took longer than expected, so I had to rush to the OT lecture and was almost late for it - it's not good for a mentor to be late! That lecture actually worked out pretty well ... and afterwards it was time for my second mentor meeting ...
I have very mixed feelings about it - I don't seem to be able to get people to come, at the first meeting there were five (they are about 10-12 at lectures) and yesterday they were 4 ... I feel really awful about that, but I don't quite know how to get them to come either ...
The meeting itself I think went a little bit better than last week. I was able to calm down more, which I think created an easier-going mood generally. Though it was still not nearly as structured as would have liked it to be, lots of "general talk" and stuff like that, and I have a hard time finding a balance between small-talk and study-talk! :)

After that was done, I went in search for my OT professor to see if we could have a talk about this whole seminar-stupid-confusing-thing ... but he wasn't there. Instead I managed to locate our computer-guy, I had been asked to get login information from him to a 'mentor-blog' on the Department-website, so I did. Only to find out that 1) I had apparently disturbed him in something important, and 2) I wasn't supposed to come to him at all, because one of the other mentors had all the information so I should have gone to her (but I was in fact asked to come see this guy).
I got the information, but I still couldn't help feeling stupid.

After that I went home with a throbbing headache, and I just feel superconfused and sad regarding everything in my life right now ... so I'm not in a great mood.

Luckily I didn't have to get up that early today, the only thing I have planned is the Department's Kick-Off which is at 6 p.m. tonight. I have never gotten brave enough to go, I was about to last semester, but couldn't find anyone to go with, so I ended up staying at home. I don't have anyone to go with this time either, but apparently the Kick-Off is mandatory for all mentors, so now I have to be able to go anyway. I just hope I find someone I know once I get there, I'll definitely feel stupid if I'm left standing there all alone ...

I really hope things can start to work out soon, because I would like to get back to blogging the way I used to here - and now it all just feels confusing! I don't have the energy to blog as often as I would like, and once I do, I have so much explanation to do, it just feels like really boring entries ... *sigh*

Saturday, 24 January 2009

Feeling Numb!

It seems like my life is just one big major chaotic mess at the moment, and today I'm mostly feeling numb! I haven't had the energy to go through yesterday properly, and I still need to do a personal run-through of the entire week, because it feels like it's been going on forever!
I'm extremely grateful that I'm generally doing so much better now, because otherwise, this week would have definitely led to a break-down!! It's just been one thing after another after another, and I haven't properly managed to sort out one problem (practical or emotional - or both) before the next one has arrived!

Yesterday was a REALLY intense day! I was very tired so I didn't get to Uni as early as I had intended but I was there a little after 11. I sat outside the student counsellor's office for almost an hour before he came out, by then it was 12 and he was going to lunch! I guess he saw the despair in my eyes though, because he let me in anyway! Which was both good and bad, I think. I felt really stressed out because I knew I was keeping him from getting lunch, and he was actually in a pretty bad mood ... Things are chaotic right now, in general, so I guess I don't blame him, but it's quite uncharacteristic of him, so it was a bit of a surprise.
Things were really complicated, he didn't remember me, and we misunderstood each other all the time, which was a little annoying. What came out of the whole deal was that the teachers had basically messed up when it came to the whole essay-thing, and the best thing I could do was talk to 'my' professor in the Old Testament. Since I had a meeting with him planned for the afternoon, that felt great!

After that I got some reading done in the library and also had a chance to catch up a little with a friend I hadn't seen since before Christmas, very nice!
At 1 o'clock, there was an SI (mentor)-meeting, with all the mentors and our supervisor ... I was a little nervous, since I didn't know what it would be like, but I am proud to say that I handle these things sooooo much better now!
The meeting wasn't great, but it wasn't all that bad either. One thing felt a bit odd though ... we were 5-6 people there (1 of them had something else and he kind of came and went), and 3 (4) of them were mentors for the two "basic" courses we have at the Department, the two courses all students must take first as a sort of introduction. First of all, those courses are a bit different from a lot of other courses, which makes them a bit special, and second, all the mentors there, had been mentors before, so they kind of knew the score and had a bit of experience. Me and the other girl are new mentors, but I still couldn't really relate to her. I know her a little (we've taken Hebrew together), but she's mentor for the Human Rights subject, which is sort of a 'sub-subject' (if you know what I mean) to Theology and Religious Studies, and they have even moved away from our building to someplace else ... so I couldn't quite connect to her either ... meaning that I felt pretty alone in my little Hebrew-thing ...
The basics did work out though, which is the main thing!

As soon as we were done I took a bus to CSN (Student Aid-people), as I had some issues to discuss with them. Waiting again of ocurse - this time about 45 minutes ... and when I got to see someone, the lady was totally rude!! And totally incoherent!! It was really a strain, because I hardly knew what to say in the end! I had one basic question, and she didn't even listen to what I had to say!! She constantly assumed what sounded like a simple solution for her (like, basically, she wouldn't have to do anything) and HELLO, it's like my financial future at stake here?!? I got absolutely NOTHING from that visit, and now I have to go by my own common sense! Not saying that's all bad, but I had at least hoped to get some pointers from someone who actually works there! Very frustrating!

Time to get a bus back to the Department, where I got some coffee and ran through my 'spring-semester 2009'-notes, before heading up to the professor. We had set a meeting to 4 o'clock, but he had told me that if I came in early, I could just check if he was avaliable - I went up there at about 3.30, and that was apparently perfect timing (I think he wanted to get home as quickly as possible too, on a Friday afternoon *lol*)!
First and foremost we discussed the whole chaotic-seminar-thing, which has just become absurd. My professor had to rush off to talk to the New Testament professor, who aparently had checked it out ... but it didn't turn out great anway. What we did decide was that I AM going to follow seminar (and opositions) at the Old- and New Testament seminars, which I wanted, but it sounded like I really should go to these other weird seminars (for professor I don't like) as well ... and that's what doesn't sound great to me. I'll have to think a little about that though - I have a hope that I can email this other professor and explain what's going on, and say that I have a really busy semester now (which I do!!) and hope that it will be enough I follow one seminar group! Fingers crossed?!!

I got home about 5-5.30 and was dead for the entire evening! Had hoped to get a well-earned long, lovely sleep - yeah right! *rolling eyes* I don't sleep very well in general now, and at 3.30 Zorro decided it was morning ... so then I don't get to sleep either! Thank you very much!

Today hasn't started off great because of this, but I'm hoping I can get something out of what's left of today at least! :)

Thursday, 22 January 2009

The Utmost Confusion!

I don't think this week will ever end!
At this point I'm more or less staring apathetically out into space, not knowing whether I should laugh or cry!

Today I had the introduction for the courses I will take this semester! I have one essay left from last semester (equalling 1/4 of a semester of full-time studies), I am going to take two 'reading coures' (each for 1/4) and I'm writing one larger essay (½ of a semester of full-time studies). As you can tell, that means I'm doing a bit more than full time studies this semester, but basically I'm interacting these courses with eachother, so I'm constantly studying essay 25%, reading course 25%, reading coures 25% and essay 50%). All of these are in the same subject, which is Old Testament with Hebrew, so I figured I'd find some cool way to interact them, using the same theme for all of them.

Introduction today - and I seriously think the whole Department has gotten MAD! It started already yesterday, with an essay-introduction in different subjects, and the mayhem continued today! I don't have it in me right now to try to translate all the details (for invited friends: more info will come in my personal blog) - but basically it seems like for the larger essay they want me to parttake in one Biblical Studies seminar (which is the 'real one), just as you are supposed to, but also another seminar, led by a professor in Systematic Theology or something like that! They whole thing seems completely INSANE, and the fun - *rolling eyes* - part is that no one knows how to solve this - the student councellors work 24/7 (the nice one does, the other one just seems to get mad at students for not figuring this out - when she doesn't know what's going on herself ... thanks a lot!), and not even the teachers and professors have a clue what's going on!

This means that first of all I got really nervous about how this semester will be, I have MORE than enough to do, studying more than full time AND being a mentor - if I have to take double seminars, I don't know how I'll cope!
It also has implications for tomorrow ... which won't be a fun day!
I have to go into to Uni in the morning, and try to get a hold of the student councellor - I tried emailing him when I got home to actually get a confirmed meeting with him, but he didn't reply, so I guess I'll have to rely on luck tomorrow!
At 1 o'clock I have an SI-leader meeting with our SI-councellor, I don't really know what that means other than we're supposed to sign our contracts, but hopefully that won't be too much, and I can take things pretty easy there.
As soon as that meeting is over I have to rush down to CSN (they close at 3) to yell and be mad at them. I have applied for a dispensation on my student loan, and they sent me the most idiotic letter you can imagine ... so I have to get down there and ask what the Hell they are doing!
After that I have to rush back up to the Department and gather all my thoughts for this semester, hopefully getting some time in the library to check out some literature, and at about 3.30-4 I have a meeting with my professor (he'll be supervising all my courses this semester) and try to work out a more detailed plan for my studies and what I want to do with this semester.
So .... if I'm lucky I'll get home at about 6 p.m. and by then I'll probably be more dead than alive! The only hope I have is that this whole thing about essays and seminars and registrations and whatnot will be solved, because I really do worry about that ....

Birthday Flowers!

Check out these lovely flowers I got yesterday! :) Aren't they beautiful!?!!
Luckily Zorro hasn't discovered a way to get at them yet (he's eating all my flowers at the moment ...), so they look really lovely!

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Le Grand Premiere!

Or rather ... le petit premiere ...
I had my first mentor meeting today - and let's just say I'm not too thrilled about it. I find it extremely difficult to evaluate myself like that, and it's more in general been a very overwhelming day today - but I can't get away from the negative feeling about this day!
It's not like I'm completely down, or think the whole thing was downright awful, because it wasn't ... but I can't say that it was good either!

I'll try to go through it from the beginning -though I don't want to go into too much detail! I'll save the details for my really personal blog ...
I attended the lecture at 10 this morning - having arrived almost an hour earlier trying to fix everything that needed to be prepared before - making coffee and everything else. The lecture was okay, and I'm actually enjoying even these first basic lessons! The teacher is really good, but I can't help but miss 'my' Hebrew teacher - he retired in October and he was truly terrific ....
Anyway ...
Afterwards it was time for the mentor meeting! I'm not really 'forward', even though I tried gathering people, asking if they were going to stay for the meeting etc. ... but only five turned up (I think they were 10 or 11 at the lecture ... and a 50% turnout isn't that impressive, is it?)

As for the meeting itself ... I don't know! Some parts of me thinks that at least it was okay, and other parts of me are just sad and upset and feel like I made an idiot of myself and of the entire mentor-programme ...
Some birthday, hey?! *little smile*
It wasn't all bad, definitely not - at lot of things have been very good about it (I got the most adorable bouquet of flowers this afternoon - I'm hoping to get a picture of it here tomorrow - THANKS, Mum!! *hugs*) - but the whole mentor-thing does tend to be the one thing I think about when I think of this day ...

Anway ... I guess I have to move on, and try to work with myself and hope I can improve the things I don't feel good about ...
Tomorrow I have the introduction to my essays and reading courses, so I just have to get myself back together again now, and hope I can feel okay in the morning ...

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Feeling a bit stupid ...

Yes, I'm feeling a bit stupid now ... things are REALLY intense right now, and I'm trying to deal with that as best I can right now, but that does not involve blogs! I feel like I'm neglecting every blog I have, even though I really want to keep them going ... *sigh*

I'm sorry about that, and I really I hope I will be able to do a real catch-up during the weekend, when things are hopefully not quite so intense!

What's shortly going on right now is the fact that I presented the whole mentor-thing on the Old Testament introduction yesterday ... and I hope I at least did okay ... and tomorrow will be the really big thing, when I'm going to lead the first mentor meeting! *HELP* Apart from that I have my own introduction, to essays and reading courses, on Thursday, and a meeting with the girl responsible for the mentor-programme in our Department on Friday, and I also have to go down to CSN (The National Board of Student Aid) on Friday (I hate those guys), but hopefully I can try to relax at least a little bit during the weekend, and catch up on the internet in general.

I'm sorry I'm so short, but I really need to spend all the time I can at trying to get things to work out practically right now ....
Take care!

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Forget The Past - Look To The Future!

I think the title says it all! :)
This week has not been good at all, but I have managed to work out most of the problems that have arisen, and now I'm mostly trying to forget all about it! And look to the future ... Which isn't quite as easy as it sounds!

At the moment I'm working on the Greek report, which I'm hoping will be finished by tomorrow night. I can't be sure though, as it's a lot of work left on it ... but at least I can hope, right?!
And after that starts next week, which will be intense to say the least!!

Here's a short summary for you:
On Monday the Old Testament course I will be mentor for has its introduction at 10, and I will be there, following the lecture but also introducing myself as well as the SI-programme (SI=Supplemental Instruction), and I will also set a time for the first mentor meeting, which will be on Wednesday (so hopefully that works out for the students as well).
After that I have some work to do in the library, checking up stuff for the next semester ...
On Monday night we are invited to our Greek teacher for a last celebration, and I'm going to meet up with our mentor at the Department so I can accompany her there (I have a horrible sense of direction and would probably get lost otherwise!).
I think pretty much everyone in our group will be there (at least all of those I've talked to) so I think that can be a pleasant evening.
On Tuesday the main thing will be to plan and shop for the SI-meeting - but I also need to work on stuff for next semester.
Wednesday will be Old Testament lecture (you are supposed to follow 1-2 lectures a week for the course where you are mentor), and after that my premiere as SI-leader! *NERVOUS* Since I happen to have my birthday on Wednesday, I'll probably arrange some cake or something!
Thursday I have the introduction to my essays and reading courses - that shouldn't be too much to worry about, but I should arrange a private meeting with the professor as soon as possible after that!
On Friday all the SI-leaders at the Department have a meeting with the lady responsible for it, we are going to go through schedules, write our contracts and such!
And then I'll probably be dead ... :)

I'm seriously panicking over the mentor thing, but I still REALLY hope I can do something good of it, because I think it's a wonderful opportunity in so many ways! I get to try to be a 'leader', I get an even deeper insight into 'my' subject, I can hopefully work together with the teachers, at least to some extent ... and fact of the matter is - as embarrassing as this is - this will be my first 'real' work EVER! *scary*

Add to all this all the general stuff, such as 'general studies', meeting friends, shopping, cleaning, laundry - and I'll certainly have a busy week, that's for sure!

But at least I got some relaxation today, when Lena came by for a visit, some lunch and a chat! It was really great catching up, it gets a bit easier when we can sit down in peace, instead of being at the Department where you're constantly interrupted by something or someone!

I guess there's no turning back now though - it's back to Paul and the Galatians and the Law and Abraham and the promise and everything else I'm supposed to say something intelligent about!

I hope the rest of you are enjoying your Saturday a bit more than I am! (My favourite company on a Saturday night does NOT include Paul, Novum Testamentum Greace and a Theological Dictionary ...)

Congratulations Blog! 15,000!!

Things are pretty insane here at the moment, and I'm rather stressed out, so I will have to get back later on tonight, or tomorrow, for a more general update - but I couldn't help noticing that yesterday we hit the 15,000-visitor mark with this blog!
Even though I am sometimes bad at updating this blog, it feels wonderful that it still has so many readers! Thank you very much! :)

Will be back with a proper update later! ;)
Take care, and have a nice Saturday!

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Seeing The Light

I think I'm starting to work my way out of this rather low mood I've been in for a while now ... at least I hope so, because I have a ton of work to do, and it doesn't get done when I'm feeling down.

I'm sorry about not saying more about what's going on, I just feel really bad about it, and I'm not ready to expose it all in a public blog. I have been writing a bit about it in my personal Swedish blog, and for close friends who don't read Swedish: I will let you know what's been happening in time! :)

Finally though I seem to be doing a little bit better. A few things have hopefully worked out today, I have a meeting tomorrow as well, and after that, it's hopefully a 'go-ahead-for-the-future' ...
I've been spending some time at Uni, in the library these past few days, trying to work on my Greek-exam-report ... it's going slow, but I'm more and more feeling how "at home" I feel there. I meet a lot of people that I know, and while I'm not close friends to all of them, it means a lot to me just being able to say "Hi, how are you?" without it feeling weird!
The "studie-social situation" right now has evolved to something I could never have imagined some 2-3 years ago, that's for sure!

I'm sorry about being so vague in my entries now. Hopefully after my meeting tomorrow, I will know more where I stand, and how things around me will play out, and then I'll be back with more "normal" entries! :)

EDIT: Personal Blog Updated!

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Going Through A Rough Time!

I'm not feeling on top of the world right now, even though things haven't completely hit rock bottom either.
I was going to the mentor-thing yesterday, the SI-eduction (SI=Supplemental Instruction), and let's just say I didn't do very well. This is still something I feel is very real and I haven't gotten all the distance to it that I would like to, so I'd rather not discuss it publicly, at least not yet ...

Some other news though, that rather tie in with this.
I have created yet another new blog. This one is however a little bit different.
I enjoy writing a lot, if I hadn't kept a diary all these years I don't think I would have coped, and I will still keep that to myself. But there are some things that go on in my life, that I don't mind sharing with those that are quite close to me and people I know I can trust 100% and more. So, therefore I have created another blog (which is in Swedish - sorry ...) where I can be more personal than I am here - because that blog is open for invited people only. I have sent out invites, but if you feel like I've missed YOU (I may definitely have forgotten someone!), please don't hesitate but let me know, and I'll make sure to send you an invite.
For this reason I won't give you the address to the blog either, but I still wanted to mention it. I'm very fond of this blog, which I think is rather personal actually, and I will keep it - but there are some things that I don't feel comfortable writing about here, but that I wouldn't mind my closest friends to find out about. So this new blog will serve that purpose.

Now I'm going to start gathering strength and hopefully cope with tomorrow in an acceptable way. Last Greek lecture, so I really should be there ...:)

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Happy Birthday!

A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my youngest sister, who turns 2 years old today! :)
I spoke to her on the phone today, which was actually the first time! She's never been big on the phone either, some times she's listened, but she's never said anything herself. But today she talked to me, and answered my questions! *cutie*

Other than that, today has been pretty bad. I'm still suffering from my cold - at times it gets better, but then I just find myself completely out-of-it again! And I can't really afford that the way things are right now!

I think I have come up with a solution that should work, so that the consequences won't be too bad, and I guess that's a good thing at least.
Anyhow, now I'm mostly focusing - no, totally focusing - on getting through tomorrow and Tuesday, which won't be easy! I have so very mixed feelings about this whole mentor thing, and that just makes it harder to handle it. Originally I did want to become a mentor, when I saw how the system worked this fall. I knew it would be a massive challenge and at the time, it was just a thought, nothing substantial about it. Later on, things got pretty complicated, with both Greek and the essay, and then the essay not working out so well ... and I decided not to pursue this whole mentor-thing, but wait a semester and see how I felt then.
But when they contacted me and actually asked me if I wanted to be mentor, there was no way I could turn it down. I have worked toward the goal of actually "becoming a person" at the Department, not just someone who is invisible and completely anonymous - and this told me I've come a long way there! So then all of a sudden, the mentor thing was on again.

I still do want to be a mentor, I think it would be fun and challenging and a good merit to take with me - but I'm at the same time completely terrified. I will be the centre of everything, I will lead an entire group (and I have no clue as to how big that group could be!), I will have to come up with activities that work, I will have make sure that what I do actually help these students (otherwise the whole idea is lost) - and I'm soooo anxious about that!
While I'm going to lead a mentor meeting tomorrow, the whole thing becomes painfully real now, because this is actually the start of it all ... no turning back or putting off any longer! *gulp*
It doesn't help my anxiety that I don't know where we are supposed to meet (I know which building, but that's it), or the fact that there will be as many as 30 people there! *gulp again*
I know that I basically do want this, and I do not intend to back down from it (in fact, the 'solution' I mentioned earlier actually came about so as I could still attend this mentor-education!), but that doesn't stop me from being in a state of panic.

I have an early morning tomorrow, and I have a strong feeling I will need some time with my diary tonight as well as tomorrow, so I think I'd better get started on that so I can get at least some sleep tonight!

Wish me luck tomorrow, okay!?

Saturday, 10 January 2009

Present And Future!

Wow, I think I've actually caught up on my blogging now! Not bad, huh?! :)

This post will let you know what I am up to right now and what lies ahead - since I have a few tough weeks coming up.
Right now I'm writing on the final Greek exam, which is a report on Gal. 3:14-29. I love this form of exams, we are to do an in depth analysis of the text, translate it with a linguistic commentary and then look at what the text says, it's historic meaning in context, it's reception history, what it might mean today etc. That is precisely what I enjoy doing, and what I want to continue doing pretty much forever ... well almost anyway! I certainly don't object to the task, even though it feels a little heavy for a rather short course on basic level. The problem is time!
Right now I suffer a cold, I get pretty high fever at times, my head feels like it's made out of cotton balls and I'm constantly tired - which isn't a good concept for working 24/7! On top of that, things are so intense right now, that I have to stress like an idiot if I'm going to get it done!

On Monday and Tuesday I have the mentor education, and I don't think I have fully grasped that yet! I really want to be a mentor and do a good job of it, but at the same time I'm very anxious and almost filled with panic about it. It's definitely coming a lot closer now too, making the anxiety levels even higher. We're also not taking the education at our Department, because the mentors from the Theology Department will be together with all the mentors of the Faculty ... so I don't even know where I'm supposed to be on Monday morning! *gulp*
Everyone around me is really wonderful and encourages me and ensures me that I'm going to be a fine mentor, and I really, really appreciate that. Wish I could be so sure myself though ...

On Wednesday we have the last Greek lecture, and on Wednesday and Thursday I have to complete my report, pretty much living in the Department library! The deadline is really noon on Friday, but I really would like to go to a seminar on Friday morning. It's the essay seminar I should have gone to, had I finished my essay, and even though I'm not required to go now, a friend of mine will have her essay up for opposition then, and I'd really love to be there. I have been interested in what she's been writing about since I first heard about it, so it would be great if I could be there. But then I have to complete my report by Thursday night.

I don't have anything major planned for that weekend, yet, but on Monday January 19 it starts again! The Hebrew course has its introduction then, and I am expected to be there, introduce myself and suggest a time and place for the first mentor meeting then. That night, there's a dinner at my Greek teacher's house, he invited us all for a good-bye dinner! Very nice initiative, especially since he'll be going to the U.S. on the 21st and teach at Yale!

During that week I will have my first mentor meeting - *panic!* - and that Thursday (the 22nd) I have the introduction to all my courses; both essays and both reading courses, so I should really have some intelligent thoughts regarding all that by then ...

So as you can see, I will keep busy ...
I'm annoyed by the fact that I'm sick, because that makes everything seem much harder than it should otherwise. I'm very nervous about a lot of things going on right now, but somewhere deep down inside me I still have a fragment of confidence telling me that I have come so far now that I can handle this! Unfortunately I have a hard time reaching those feelings when I'm not feeling so good ... Guess all I can do is try to get rid of the cold as best I can and hope for the best!

Now I am going to read about 70 pages of commentary literature on Gal. 3:14-29 and hope I find something I can use for the report!

Take care, I hope you have a great Saturday evening (and hopefully one that's more exciting than mine! *lol*)!!

'Cause Little People Grow!

Here an entry on my adorable younger sisters - and I have to say I think the title is more than accurate. They certainly grow A LOT ... and FAST! :)

The older one, 'M', is 4½ years old now, time sure does fly!
I think she's grown a lot over their long vacation, she seemed really different when I saw her this Christmas! It's still 100% intensity and an impatience if she doesn't have anything to do that she enjoys ... but she still seems more grown-up then before. And she actually can sit still and listen to a story or watch cartoons on TV. I didn't get that many great photos of her, she has the same 'photo-gene' as me and my Dad and tend to make funny faces or close her eyes in almost every picture.

The little one, 'I', is not so little any more. Fact of the matter is, she turns 2 years old tomorrow! Amazing! She's the regular little darling right now, and that age is SO wonderful. She's talking quite a lot, and putting whole sentences together. She does have a remarkable vocabulary, and I remember 'M' had that too. 'I' does have a little bit of her own pronunciation and intonation which makes it even more cute! :) She can say Zorro but does have difficulties with "Jessica". 'M' was the same, she used to call me "Hecka" for a while! *lol* 'I' has her own way, and calls me 'Eckia' or 'Jeckia' which isn't all too bad! :)

Various photos, including some singing, dancing and playing on 'M's toy piano!

When we got a gorgeous winter day it was decided we would take the kids out so 'M' would get to try on her ice skates! She got them for Christmas last year, but the weather made it impossible for her to try them.
We went and lucky for all of us, it was very kid-friendly! They had these really cool penguins with handles on, on skates, for the kids to hold on to, and 'M' just loved it! She had so much fun, and did really really well. 'I' spent most of her time in the playing ground, but she did get to try "Pingu" as well ... and just look at that face! :)

The Holidays in General

Time for a more general update on my time with my families during the holidays.

I mentioned earlier that Christmas was for once absolutely wonderful! I think I'd give away too much personal stuff and too much family history if I were to write the details about it, but some things happened that really made Christmas 2008 very memorable to me.
The practical matters worked out great too, as I was able to have pretty much one full day with my Mum and one full day with my Dad and his family.

The rest of the holidays worked out really well too. I often find it difficult living with so many people, and little children, for a long period of time, as I am very used to being on my own, and feel the need for personal space. But this year it actually went better than I had expected. Not everything was great of course, but on the whole, it felt better than I thought it would. And for that I am very grateful!

Toward the end of the holidays, things didn't turn out so well though. Once again, I don't feel comfortable going into details but there were a few things and incidents that gave the end of the holiday a bitter taste ... for various reasons. I don't mean to say that this changed my view on the entire trip, but these things were so severe, I still feel I should mention them.

Another thing that wasn't really great during the holidays was studies. I did try to study when I was away, make no mistake about that, but I have my own techniques when it comes to studying, and unfortunately they don't work there. My Dad's girlfriend studies some as well, but she goes about it completely different from me. She can easily sit with her books for a short period of time, any time between 15 minutes and an hour, and actually learn something ... which is great, because she can get studying done when the kids are taking their mid-day rest or after they've gone to bed at night. But I can't. If I sit down for an hour, and then doesn't get anything done for a day or so, that hour is wasted ... I don't remember anything and I have to do it all over again. Which was the case here ... So basically, I didn't get anything at all done, meaning I'm in a whole lot of trouble right now! (So why am I blogging instead of writing my exam-report on Galatians right now?!?! I'm a hopeless case!)

Still, my overall impression of the holidays is really good this year, and that is something I will definitely take with me.

Finishing off with some lovely photos. We did get some nice winter weather around New Year, so these photos are taken on December 31 and January 1. Enjoy!

Friday, 9 January 2009

Yesterday's Adventure

Time now to write a little about yesterday. But first some backstory.
Originally we had planned to celebrate my Dad in Gotheburg today. He and his family would take the train yesterday, spend two nights in a hotel, I would drive up after lectures today and be with them for the evening, and take a really late bus back.
Due to some bad news (regarding the person I mentioned in an earlier entry), the celebration was cancelled. My Dad couldn't get the train fare back, so instead it was decided they would take their train yesterday, I would drive up yesterday and meet them for lunch, then they'd take the car home and I would get a bus.

I had a pretty bad night the night before and yesterday morning was very slow. The others would arrive around noon, and I started from here at 9. It was a little later than I had planned but I still figured I'd get there in time to meet them at the station. Yeah right! *rolling eyes*

The first 40-45 kilometres went well. Then it started snowing. A little at first but it quickly got a lot worse - and I mean a lot!! The sight was very limited and I was afraid how the weather affected the roads. There was heavy traffic and you couldn't relax for a second! This horrible weather kept on for about 120-130 kilometres, then it started clearing up and the roads got better. I was very relieved and figured the last bit would get a lot easier.
I hadn't been going for more than 15-20 kilometres before both lanes of the freeway came to a complete stop. I still don't know what was going on, but I suspect it was a salting-truck or something like that out, in both lanes, because for the next 3o kilometres we couldn't drive any faster than 40km/h tops ... very annoying!!

When I finally got to Gotheburg I got quite nervous. It was just about lunch, it is Sweden's second largest city and I'm not that fond of driving in large cities. I had a fair idea of where to possibly get a parking, and for once this day I got really lucky. The drive through town went supersmooth, and as soon as I got onto the parking spot, I found an opening! Talk about luck!

I went to meet with my family and it was wonderful seeing them again, and both girls were thrilled. We were going to do some shopping (or at least window shopping) but then there was a phonecall, again regarding the family tragedy, so everyone's mood dropped drastically. Instead we went for lunch, which was okay, but the good bye afterwards was really hard. My oldest sister, 'M', took it really bad, she crawled under a table in a corner, tears in her eyes claiming she wouldn't leave! :( It's not easy to force her to get dressed when you see that ...

They went for the car and I went to the station, having over 2 hours to spend before my bus. I had hardly gotten there before my phone rang ... it was Dad telling me he couldn't find the car! *gasp* Turns out he had taken a wrong turn on the way though, but it still took them half an hour before they had found it and could start their journey (took me about 7-8 minutes to walk from the car to the station!).

My wait for the bus was very slow, but the journey home went pretty well. I slept for an hour on the bus, but despite that I was completely exhausted when I got home!

A New 'Family Member'!

Yes, fact of the matter is you are reading a very special blog entry right now. I am writing it from my new laptop, my new little darling! *lol* What is so extraordinary about that is that I really don't have an internet connection for the laptop, I have to get a 'mobile broadband' (I haven't the slightest clue if these are actually correct terms in English, or if I'm only making some homemade translation, but I'm totally new to all this and don't know too much about it), but I haven't yet. I'm using a cable on my stationary computer and I did manage to get the laptop hooked up to the cable and now I'm surfing - yay!! This switching of the cable between my two computers will have to last for a while though, so I'm going to try to figure out some way of solving that, so it doesn't take me an hour every time I want to switch it ... Guess that will be my task for this evening! :)

I'm VERY happy with my new computer, I got it for Christmas from my parents, and it feels wonderful to have a computer I can actually take to Uni! I won't do much other than write essays the upcoming year or so, in various sizes, and I wouldn't be able to write them all by hand first only to type them up when I get home, so it's going to be great to have this baby with me at Uni and type it directly! :)

I don't have a picture of the marvel just yet, but I will get one as soon as I can and post it, so you can see for yourself! *lol*

EDIT: A few hours later

Here's my darling! *lol* Okay, I know I'm exaggerating, but I can't help it. It hasn't really been a great day today, but I'm very happy I got my computer working, with internet, and I have sort of made a workable solution for the whole cable dilemma. It's not great at all, but I know it's only going to be temporary - for a few months - and I guess that's the main thing, right?! :)


I don't know when - or if ever - I will catch up on my blogging ... I had intended to write a few entries during the afternoon, but I received some really bad news when I got back from Uni, so I haven't really felt like it.

It's my Dad's birthday today, and naturally I phoned him this morning to congratulate him, even though we saw each other yesterday. It felt like he was rather short-spoken, but I didn't think much of it, I figured I must have interupted them during their morning routine or something.
He called me as soon as I got back from Uni, with sad news. A person very close to my Dad's girlfriend, in her family, died late last night, and when I had called this morning, he had just broken the news to my oldest sister ... I knew this person, though not that well, I have met him on several occasions and I got on with him quite well. He was diagnosed with cancer and toward the end it went very quickly - which is good when there's nothing to do, I know, but still makes you feel shocked. Very sad, he was even younger than my Dad ...
My thoughts are with my Dad and his entire family - and with the deceased's family as well.

I am trying to get things done, even though I'm doing it in slow motion tonight, so I'm hoping I will be able to write at least one more entry here today ... which will probably be about yesterday's little adventure.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Broken Promise!

Sorry to say I still haven't come up with any holiday-update-blog-entries! :( This afternoon has simply flown by and I haven't the faintest idea where it went ...

Tomorrow I'll spend the day in Gothenburg, trying do make a car-exchange and in some way possibly celebrate one or two birthdays (don't know which yet) despite no preparation and rather tragic circumstances ... *sigh*
I don't even know when I'll come home tomorrow - *rolling eyes* - but I suspect you'll have to wait for those update-entries a while longer. Hopefully I'll get some time to get them done with photos and all during the weekend!

Sorry about this short entry, but I have an early morning tomorrow, so I'd better try to get some sleep now!
Take care!

Some Homecoming!

I celebrated my homecoming after the holidays by getting a pretty nasty cold, which wasn't exactly what I had planned! I was pretty knocked out yesterday, and this morning so unfortunately I missed today's lecture! Not good! I am feeling a little better now, whether that is the cold actually getting better or me stuffing myself full of various pills and medicines is an open question! :) Still, I really do not have time to get really sick now, because my agenda the upcoming weeks are full to say the least.
Due to some family problems, the original plans for the future have been cancelled, so there has been some complications there as well - which is why I'm hoping to recover from this cold sooner rather than later in order for everything to work out.

I had planned to make a number of entries yesterday, letting you know what's been going on for the last few weeks, but as you may have noticed, that didn't happen. Instead I'm hoping to get at least some of them done today. As I am feeling a little better right now, I'm hoping to go out for a while, take advantage of the fact that I now have a car, and hopefully that won't knock me out completely ... as I need to have an active afternoon as well. Fingers crossed I will be back with more entries later on!

Take care!

Monday, 5 January 2009

Back Home!

Yes, now I'm back home again after the holidays! I left really early this morning, at 5.30 and was home around noon. The trip was okay, but it does get a bit tiresome when you're all alone in the car.
Today I haven't been doing much, starting unpacking a little, but other than that, not much. I find it a bit difficult to adjust - the more I establish my life here, and my routines and the person I am here, the worse that gets. I think it's because I really am two totally different people, I am one person (I'd like to say the "real me") when I'm at home, when I have my routines and my studies and whatnot, and I am a completely different person when I live with my Dad and his family. They have sooooo different routines, with two small children and since I don't have my studies or any kind of "job", the days are also spent quite differently when I'm there. So today has mostly been a question of getting back to who I am when I'm home, what my priorities are, how to spend my days and how to get back to this routine.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm back again, so hopefully my blogging will be regular from now on. I don't think I have the energy to write any more tonight - and I want to try to watch the Icehockey Junior Championships on TV since Sweden has made it to the finals, but it doesn't start until 1.30 a.m. here *yikes* Still, I have a lot of catching up to do in my regular diary until then, and I hope to get back here with more updates - and pictures! - tomorrow!

I hope you all have had a lovely Christmas, and have enjoyed the holidays.
For those of you who haven't: My thoughts are with you!!
See you soon!