Thursday, 30 November 2006
We had the very first essay-semiar today, and even though I've been feeling completely awful these last few days, I really felt I had to attend it. I went to bed early last night, since I'm not sleeping well, but of course I couldn't sleep. I did manage to fall asleep after about two hours, but woke up after 45 minutes from most likely the worse nightmare I have ever experienced!! I woke up in a cold sweat and was truely terrified! It took about ten minutes before I got the courage to leave my bed (!), then I tip-toed around the entire apartment, lighting every lamp I could find! I spent a couple of hours in front of the TV before I decided to try to go to sleep again. I couldn't bring myself to going back to bed, so I fell alseep on the couch with all the lamps alight. This time I got to sleep for about half an hour, before waking up from another nightmare!! It was very different from the first one, but quite as unsettling! At this point it was about half past two in the morning, and I spent the coming three hours in front of the TV again ... then I realized there was no way I'd be able to attend the seminar at ten ...
This day has - as you can see in the title - been spent trying to deal with the general confusion that is my life at the moment! A lot of writing in my diary and a lot of thinking!! I started feeling a little better this afternoon - everything is still a mess, and I think I might have to start looking for alternate solutions in order to finish this semester - which I hate to do - but at least I could see a little bit beyond: "Everything is going to Hell and I wish I could go too!"
But now tonight, I think I've gone back a little bit. I still don't feel quite as bad as I did Tuesday night - when I was so close to giving up on everything in my life, but I am feeling very low, very down and generally very sad about everything ...
I know I have to do something tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to - which of course is a huge stress factor! This is something I really, really, really have to get done tomorrow, or it will have reprecussions on a lot of other stuff ... but I still don't know if I can do it, and I haven't gotten a clue as to what I will do if it turns out I really can't do it ...
I am sooooo tired right now - not very strange, I suppose - but unfortunately, I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight either! I have a very hard time just letting go of all the thoughts and emotions and feelings that I have, and that means my brain can't relax at all ...meaning no sleep. Also, I'm more or less terrified to have to live through terrible nightmares again, I know it sounds silly and childish but I was really really frightened tonight - and I'm started to get scared now too - even if I know they were only dreams ... *sigh*
Anyway, I guess I should at least try to get some rest, especially if I'm gonna have to try to get this 'thing' done tomorrow! *gulp*
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
I'm really glad so many of you want to visit my blog and read about my life, my thoughts and feelings! Thanks! :)
Despite this little 'anniversary' - or whatever you should call it - I don't have a very happy blog entry for today either! Bad things never come alone, and I sure am experiencing that now. Most everything in my life has turned against me at the moment, and I'm so completely exhausted and drained that I can't cope with it. I don't know what to do! I don't know the best way to handle things, so I'm just sitting around stressing like crazy and not knowing what I'll do the next day!
I think there are some similarities - although on a completely different level of course - to when you get a very serious disease ... I don't know much about this, but I think that when it comes to cancer or leuchimia and those kinds of diseases, your intire imune system is knocked out. This means that should you catch the tiniest bug after that, it could be lethal, because your body has absolutely no defenses left.
I feel a bit like that, but on a psychological level. I have completely drained myself mentally this semester and I have nothing left when things start going wrong - and they certainly are now - so that means I have no idea how to cope or what to do ...
I will try to keep writing something here every day, as I have been before, so I guess you'll find out what will happen.
'To Be Continued ...'
Once again - thank you all visitors and readers of my blog!
Tuesday, 28 November 2006
I have had ... *thinking* ... yes, I actually think it's the worse day this semester actually!! I can't think of a day earlier this fall that has felt worse.
I won't bore you with details - to be frank, I don't think my pshyche would cope with me going into detail on what's happened, so I won't go into that - but I am feeling lower than low tonight. I actually woke up with a good feeling this morning, things felt okay, I felt okay, there were no presentation today .... I got to keep that feeling for about an hour ... then all Hell broke loose! To give you a few examples: getting turned down on the interviews I have to do, essay not working out, completely unprepared presentation in front of the class on something we didn't do (!!!!) ... the list goes on ...
Another anxiety attack in class ... not good!
Oh, and a little observation ... walking around town (waiting for the bus/train etc) with tears trickling down your face - it's not really accepted today ... people tend to not react great to that.
I'm THIS close to giving up the entire semester right now - which would mean that I won't get any money whatsoever next semester, thanks for that!! - and even though I really DON'T want to give up on anything, I honestly can't see how I can make this work ...
Monday, 27 November 2006
The presentation was ... okay, I suppose! I have sort of gotten to point where I am able to talk in front of the group - and that is quite an achievement in itself, let me tell you! - but naturally that is not enough! *sigh* Today, we had to perform the presentation standing up in front of everybody else - which we haven't had before ... I did it, and I'm proud of that, but it is very hard for me, and it certainly drains my energy reserves!
Then, we were informed of the next project! Which resulted in me having an anxiety attack in the classroom! That certainly doesn't happen often, but it's awful when it does!! At least I've come far enough not to run out of the room (which I have a feeling I would have done a few years back!), and I managed to somehow calm myself down and deal with the situation.
We are supposed to study interviewing-technics, and for this we have to go out and interview three different people, on tape, type it up and in groups do an analysis of the interviews ... we'll be working with this until December 18th, so I have a feeling this will be a major project!
First and foremost, I have such a hard time just finding three people to do the interview!! I hardly know anyone down here ... those I feel I do know take the same course as I do, I can't very well interview them, can I?!? And if I should managed to find these people, it's the matter of actually performing the interview!! *sigh*
After lectures, I had a meeting with my tutor, and I was soooo nervous! He's always seemed very vague to me, which was not what I felt I needed since I've never written an essay before. He turned out to be a lot better than I had expected though, he felt my ideas were quite okay, he made some suggestions etc. and that actually felt good .... although it did result in me promising to construct a questionnarie tonight, and a follow-up letter to it! That has not been easy, I've spent most of tonight trying to do that. I'm mostly finished now, although I think I might have to change a thing or two here and there.
I'm not quite as down today as I was yesterday, but I really feel like I'm pushing myself to the limit right now, and I'm not sure how long I can keep pushing and pushing and pushing before I just fall down once and for all ...
Sunday, 26 November 2006
Things are really piling up for me now, and I'm not quite sure how I will be able to deal with them all, and come out of it in the end. I know I have to try to relax, take one thing at a time, de-dramatize whatever is going on etc. etc. etc. Well, I am really trying, although I'm not making a very good job of it!
I find it very difficult not to look ahead, because I feel I really must look ahead. My life can't really function if I don't plan, or know a little about what is going to happen ... I can't just let everything go and hope for the best - because when I do, things tend to turn to the worse instead. But it's also very, very difficult to handle everything at once! I can't really prioritize either, I don't know what's more important, to pass this course or the next? (well, that's simplifying it, but you know what I mean!) How can I know what to prioritize there? I know I've done very well up until now, and I have no intention of quitting or stepping down or whatever, but I do find it very hard to deal with new challenges constantly ... it's one thing after another after another - and I'm not good at that at all. I really feel like I need to come to terms with what I'm doing, what I am accomplishing, what I'm not doing great ... and there's no time for that. Even when I have a few days off, like I've had now, there are so many things that lie ahead, I can't take the time to think about what's in the past - even though I feel a great need to do so!
This turned out quite dark and gloomy, sorry about that. However, I'm not feeling good at all tonight, and this week is fairly horrible! Well, some stuff about it is good also, but what it comes down to is that I won't be able to rest properly - or at all the way things are going - for at least 1½ weeks, maybe more ... *gulp*
Tomorrow we have double lectures, at some point we'll do an oral presentation - and the whole thing seems very loose and whatnot, so I'm not at sure how that will turn out ... and I'm nervous like Hell! - and then we'll start on 'Interview-technics'. That in itself is very good - I'll hopefully be using interviews in my essay, so I'm looking forward to getting lots of advice! BUT, our teacher wants filmed interviews, with us - meaning some people on the course will have to interveiw/be interviewed in front of a video-camera ... HOW will I cope if I get chosen for that? I haven't ran away from anything for a very long time, but I am afraid I will do if that happens!! Also, this 'interview'-thing will last for about a month, meaning it will be fairly huge, so I can just imagine what the final report and presentation will be like!! This, in theory at least, will be almost as big as the essays we'll be writing - and that's A LOT! On top of this, we have to write the essays at the same time!! Eh, huh?!?
Tomorrow afternoon, I'm finally meeting with my tutor for the first time, regarding the essay! I'm also completely in panic about that - I have no idea how much I should prepare (and it's a bit late to start now!!), how much he wants from me, what he wants from me .... the list goes on and on ...
On Tuesday, more lectures.
On Wednesday I'll have to go to work, only double time this time, since I have so little time, so I'll probably leave home at about 7 a.m. and return back home at 7 p.m. ... great! NOT!
On Thursday we have the first essay-group-seminar, which I have no idea about, I don't know what will happen, and I hardly know anyone who will be there ... panic, again!
Friday is free, but I'm guessing I'll be more dead than alive then! Also, I need to do all my Christmas cleaning and decorating then (my own personal tradition)
On Saturday I'm off to Gotheburg to see Cats with a friend - I'm totally looking forward to it, it's gonna be great, but it still means a lot of pressure, and spending the entire day away from home and all that.
On Sunday I will do some Christmas shopping and go to a Christmas concert, once again, it'll be great fun but also a lot of stress for me ... *sigh*
This turned into quite a ramble about how bad I feel ... sorry about that ...
I have at least started to make dvd caps from Lord of the Rings *yay* It'll take forever before I'm finished, but at least I've started, so points for effort?
I wanted to do some graphics for today's blog, but since I'm in a state of panic, and I have a lot of things to do (and I have to get up at about 4.45a.m. tomorrow!), they are very simple. Anyway, here they are:
Saturday, 25 November 2006
It was especially interesting to me, as I'll be studying Old Testament-Hebrew all of next semester (yes, I am strange, I already know that *lol*), and even though I imagine it's not exactly the same language (after all, some development should have occurred over about 3-4000 years, right?), I guess there are some similarities! As a matter of fact, I discovered one fairly early! One of the very few Hebrew words I do know is "Elohim", which means God (well, one aspect of God anyway ... long story!), and that occured quite a lot in the recording! Also, it's such a beautiful language! I could never have guessed, but I really do like it, and I'm very much looking forward to learning more about it next semester!!
I also tried to bring some form of life back into my Les Misérables Forum, so if you have a minute and feel like it, you can check it out! (More members and activities are always appreciated *hint hint*)
I know I have neglected it myself recently, but I will try to make an effort to post a bit more often from now on!
I've also put up some stuff for sale on Tradera - if anybody's interested, you can find it at http://www.tradera.com/category/auctionlist.asp?ftgnr=212855! I hope I can get a little money for it, at least! (Also hoping to add some more stuff tomorrow night!)
Well, apart from that I don't have very much to report! I've become really inspired by the Lord of the Rings-dvds I'm watching, so I really hope I'll have the time and energy to start making dvd caps soon - I bet some of the pictures there would make awesome graphics! *fingers crossed*
I know I have one more day off before next week starts, but there are lots of things that start piling up at Uni now, so I'm really getting nervous. I'll try not to be too negative in advance, and I guess I'll have tomorrow to try to work with myself regarding this ... but it feels like it'll be quite heavy from now and until Christmas at least ... *gulp*
Friday, 24 November 2006
What have I done today?
Well, I wrote a little something about our Uni-observation this morning ... we'll probably have to change some of it, but at least it's a start, right!? Points for effort. (quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, for all those not quite so obsessed as me *lol*) I did a little bit of cleaning too, and I got hold of my tutor, and arranged for a meeting on Monday! Really great!! We'll have a group meeting on Thursday, but since I'm in such a hurry, it feels great to talk to him alone first!
And, of course - the big thing: The name is Bond. James Bond.
I went to see the premiere of Casino Royale this evening, and it was really nice to see it!! Lots of people have asked for reviews, so I have written one (see below!) ... I wish to point out though, that it's very difficult to write a decent review after only having seen it once - so I may well change my mind about certain things when I've seen the movie again!
Anyway, I still hope you'll enjoy the review!
I will also try to not give away far to much, but a certain amount of "spoiling" will probably be unavoidable if I shall give a fair review. Therefore, if you don't want to know anything at all about the movie before seeing it yourself - I advice you do not read this review ...
Okay, here we go! :)
Daniel Craig as James Bond ... not perhaps my first choice. He's a very talented actor, and he's got a very intense look, but I have a hard time really accepting him as James Bond. He does grow on you a bit, he felt a lot more believable in the part in the end of the movie than in the beginning - so I might get used to him given time! :)
Unfortunately it's been a long time since I read the book, but I certainly remembered some things, even though a lot has changed too.
One little thing, and this might be considered a spoiler, for those of you who hate those *lol* ... This movie is really a "pre-Bond" movie ... which feels rather strange. It actually takes place before all the other Bond movies, and before you come to terms with that, it tends to be a little confusing!
Some of it is made in a great way though, for instance you find out where Bonds original Aston Martin comes from! *lol* And also where he gets the scar over his eyebrow (which is more evident and important in the books than in the movies, but still ...) - although I think the make-up department was a little less than consistent with this. This little "time-warp" did however create some problems as well, and I know I have a hard time accepting some things. This might change when I get a chance to see the movie a few more times, as it tends to be rather confusing the first time.
Mads Mikelsen as villain Le Chiffre was really good! Very, very impressive, and totally creepy! Wonderful casting indeed!!
Eva Green as Bond-girl Vesper Lynd was also quite good, although she's not one of my favourite Bond women. I remember not feeling to fond of her when I read the book either, so it might the character that I don't really get along with.
Dame Judi Dench did a wonderful job as M again, of course! She's such a talent, and she brings so much to every scene. She really played out this time-thing, she acted with a little less authority around Bond than in previous movies, and you could really understand that she was not so certain of either her own position or of Bond himself!
The storyline in itself was of course not the same as the book, as that never would have worked. Still, I found the storyline quite believable and not bad at all.
However, the "time-thing" was confusing, I can't help that. I don't know if it gets clearer if you see the movie a few more times, but there were things about it that I felt didn't quite add up ... I'll have to get back to you on that when I've seen it a few more times! :)
The ending was quite good! Definately surprising and different, and I always like that!
I won't go into trying to 'grade' the movie, I simply can't do that after only having seen it once. However, I think it works, definately! I think that true hard-core James Bond-fans may have a hard time accepting some of the inconsistancies, but it definately works!!
Hope you enjoyed the review! :)
Thursday, 23 November 2006
Seriously though, I know I need to get some rest during these three days, but I also have to do a whole lot of other things!! I hope I can be disciplined enough to actually get through most of it, because I know I'd feel much better if I did - and things would be a bit easier in the future!
I was lucky this morning though, as I did get a ticket to the James Bond-movie, Casino Royale. I'm really looking forward to seeing it, although I always tend to be very sceptical when seeing a new Bond-film! I'll get back to you with a review of the movie! :)
My friend and I did our observation today and I think it worked out fairly well. The main thing is there won't be a written report, so it doesn't feel all that serious ... it's easier when you just have an oral presentation, because you don't have to be so careful about what it is your writing down ... this feels more like a presentation/discussion than anything too serious! At least I hope so ...
I hope to be able to catch up on a lot of things this weekend, I really feel like I've neglected by other two blogs: Great Lyrics! and Les Misérables: Beyond the Barricade!
I do hope I'll be able to make a few entries there this weekend, so please check them out every now and again!
I also need to update my Les Misérables website, try to kick-start my Les Misérables Forum, write a little something about our observation, email my essay-tutor to make him realize I need to see him on Monday or Tuesday, send out some more emails, start working on my essay, make some dvd caps, make a bunch of back-up cds, clean up my computer, start my Christmas shopping ... yeah, I told you I had a long list, didn't I?!!!
Ah well, at least my intentions are good, and I hope I can at least get some of the things done!
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
I was supposed to go to work and start preparing for my essay, and then meet with my tutor. Well, I woke up feeling awful this morning!! I had horrible stomach cramps and felt really, really sick!! I tried to get better for a few hours, but then realized I'd never be able to make it to work! :( Next thing was, would I be able to make it to Uni to meet with my tutor?! I debated this for a while, but realized that it was probably not a great idea to go out, feeling the way I did!
I logged onto my computer at once, to send my tutor an email as quickly as possible ... but I couldn't help feeling stupid for cancelling, when I was the one who asked for this meeting. Well, as soon as I opened my email program I saw that I had an email from my tutor. That felt kind of weird, and when I opened it, I got a bit of a shock. Aparently he's suffered pretty much a personal tragedy, and he had to cancel our meeting! I really felt even more stupid then (which, in retrospect, wasn't very rational, I suppose ...) ... but at least I knew there'd be no meeting today!! I emailed him back with my sympathy for him, and told him to get back to me when he could, so we could re-schedule.
For me though, it was really nice to have a day completley to myself!! I spent most of the morning catching up on sleep - THANK YOU for that! My stomach problem cleared up during the day, which also felt great!
In the afternoon, I got stuck into a huge project, that I've been putting off forever!! Namely sorting through photos!!! I don't think I've felt good about my photos since my little sister was born (which was the summer of 2004!!)!! There has always been different piles of photos, or the photos had no dates (I really want accurate dates on the photos of my sister ...), I got photos from my Dad and his family every now and again, and basically, it's been pretty messy ... Well, I took about 5 solid hours or something, and I went through all my photos from November last year to September this year, and put them in the correct albums, wrote dates and a little comment to most of them etc. Now there are no photos lying around, I have developed my last photos, and I think I'll wait until after the Christmas holidays to do that ... so YAY!! It feels great to know that it's all in order now! :)
And, I got a nice surprise in the mail! I think I wrote in a previous blog entry about getting the chance to get tickets to a premiershow of the new James Bond movie, Casino Royale, very cheap. Well, things have been kind of crazy here, so I didn't have a chance to see if there were any tickets left - and since it is on Friday, I figured tickets would be long gone. Well, I got the offer again today, and to be certain I sent an email to the company, and they confirmed there are tickets left! Yay! I'll be going first thing in the morning to get mine! :D
The only other thing on schedule for tomorrow is the observation-thing I have to do with my friend from Uni. She called me earlier and we've worked out most of it, I think it could be kinda funny actually! :) We don't have to hand in a written report on this either, so it won't take very long afterwards to write something up to use in an oral report! It sounded like my friend had a pretty chaotic and busy weekend, so we'll probably try to write something down in the process of observing tomorrow, and then we can do the rest by phone or email ... which would, at least in theory (because I've learned not to make to definite plans!!!) mean that I have three whole days to myself!!! Wow!! Take about luxury!!!
I really need to start working on my essay - even if I can't see my tutor for a while, I'll have to go it alone and hope that what I'm doing will work out, because I have to get started on it, or I won't be able to go through with it.
But no matter what, I'm still really glad to get that much amount of time to do what I like with. I need to do other stuff that I've been putting off, on the internet, updating websites, and cleaning, laundry and whatnot, but at least I won't have to stress through it all ... *yay*
Tuesday, 21 November 2006
We had lectures today, the 'introduction' to the second half of the course, and it seems okay, I guess. The teacher is somewhat more structured than the last one - thanks! - although not recarding the schedule, which is a complete mess at the moment! I guess it'll work itself out one way or another. At least we don't have lectures until next Monday *yay* but we have to do an observation and prepare a presentation on that until then. Luckily (yes, I'm so happy!!) I can work with the same girl as before, and that really feels wonderful! We even decided on where to do the observation - and when (Thursday afternoon), so it's pretty much all settled!!
I will be fairly busy until the weekend, but hopefully I will get time to relax then.
Tomorrow I'm going to visit 'work'!! I'm really looking forward to it, and I do need to get some prep-work for the essay started, so that feels really good. I'm going straight to Uni afterwards, to meet my tutor for the essay! I am quite nervous about it, I don't really grasp what kind of person he is, and since this is my first essay I really feel I can use a lot of support and help and guidelines from him. Guess I'll have to hope for the best tomorrow.
On Thursday we will do the observation, and either late Thursday afternoon or Friday I guess we will try to type it up. Luckily we don't need a written report, but we still need to prepare something for an oral presentation. And that's it, until Monday!! *YAY*
I am rather tired, and I really should start to prepare for tomorrow ... I need to list a few things I have to do at work, and what I need to talk to the staff about, and I definately need to go over what will happen with the tutor. My thoughts and ideas and feelings and questions and ... yeah, you get the picture. I hardly enjoy starting with that at half past nine at night, but I guess I have no choice right?! My own stupid fault for not getting it done earlier *sigh*
I really am getting tired of my creations in Photoshop now, I can't seem to get inspiration from anywhere, but I did make a siggie this afternoon - and it felt kind of okay ...:) Judge for yoursleves:
Monday, 20 November 2006
The presentation today was pretty strange - but it did go rather well, I think! This whole part of the course has been strange, out teacher isn't the most structured person in the world, and that of course reflects on how the course works out. (I can't say that I'm thrilled that he will be my tutor for the eassy I'll be writing, but I guess I can't do anything about that ...)
I won't go into extreme detail - which would be extremely boring! - but we had six presentations today, and four of them (among them ours) was basically the same!! We had looked at exactly the same questions, and therefore came to the same results! This meant that the presentation were strange ... what was most commonly heard was ..."as you've already heard", or "as that group already said" ... yay, that was fun!!
Anyway, we didn't do so bad with our presentation, and at the end we had this little evaluation, where we had some criticism to some practical aspects of the investigation we'd done - and we got quite a lot of positive response on that from the other students, who'd thought about it as well! What was really positive about all this was that since the presentations turned out the way they did, we were finished at 10.40 instead of 12.00 ... yay! :)
Can't say that I've done much else today ... though I did write down some initial thoughts on my essay and emailed them to my tutor this evening. I'll be meeting him regarding the essay on Wednesday, and I thought it would good if he would get some sort of idea of what I want to write about first! :)
Now I'm trying to prepare myself for tomorrow, which will be a rather long day! We start the second half of the course tomorrow, which will deal with qualitative methods and with a new teacher - thank you! I saw that we had a heavy day tomorrow, with lectures 9-11 and 12-2, but then we don't have lectures until Monday next week! Yay! Or so I though ... aparently we have another presentation next Monday, I think we're going to do an observation and write a report on that, which will be presented on Monday! *sigh* It just never ends ...
But I'm still feeling quite hopefull, as I'm constantly seeing that things are working out for me! Everything isn't perfect, far from it, I still have my 'issues' to work with and all that, but I can also see that it is working ... I can handle things, in a way that I've never felt before, and the social situation is also working out better than I could have imagined!!! So tonight I'm feeling quite confident that I will make it through this as well! ;)
Sunday, 19 November 2006
I was up pretty early, and did most of the cleaning I neglected yesterday! I really needed to do some shopping - I haven't done any grocery shopping in ages, and I'm definately scraping out the left-overs in the fridge right now.
My friend from Uni were coming, we needed to finish our report, and I realized I couldn't go on some major shopping-spree, but decided to go to the little corner shop, to get the most necessary stuff - and also something nice for us to have when we were working on the report! Everything went well until I got to the shop and found out they closed!! Without even telling me!!! How rude! Well, my friend was due in about 20 minutes, so there was no way I'd have time to go downtown and shop properly! *sigh*
Anyway, it was great to see my friend, we really get along very well! I have a very hard time 'socializing', especially when it's more private (it's easier if it's just before or during lectures, when we're at Uni etc.), but it really worked out great today! She's very kind and totally easy to talk to, and it turned out we feel the same about most things. Also, she simply fell in love with Zorro - and that's always nice! *lol*
We talked quite a lot, but also managed to finish our report! Yay!! But I can't say that I'm looking forward to the oral presentation tomorrow, because the entire thing is just soooo strange! I think we've more or less figured out what we were supposed to do, but so much of the report will be the same as everybody else (because most of what we were supposed to do goes for everybody in the group) ... and it's gonna be soooo weird and strange to say exactly the same as like six or seven other groups! *sigh* I'm more and more coming to terms with the concept of oral presentations (and those of you who know me and know of my problem will realize what a huge step that is for me!!), but I really have a hard time with it when one of these two things occur:
1. I feel that the presentation isn't really that great. I've been there for presentations and reports that I've felt weren't good at all, or at least had room for several improvements, and I do have a hard time standing up and presenting a report that I don't feel is good ...
2. When I'm not sure what it is we're supposed to do the presentation about. Like now. I can more or less figure out the written report, but you can't always do a good oral presentation out of a written report - which means that I'm currently very confused about how things will turn out tomorrow! Not good!
One major great thing happened today though!!! I'm so completely happy that I think I might even survive the presentation tomorrow! (Not bad, huh?!)
Well, to give you all a bit of background ... We have the presentation tomorrow, and on Tuesday we start the second part of the course. The first part has been about quantitative methods, the second part will deal with qualitative methods. We'll also be getting a new teacher. We will however work in the same way as before, in pairs doing different things and presenting them to the group. I really feel like I can work well with this girl I'm working with now, but she's studied for way longer than me, she knows a whole lot of people, and she was friends with some girls in the course even before we started, so I pretty much figured that if she'd worked with me now, she'd want to work with somebody else in the next part of the course.
And today when we were writing our report, she asked me wether we were supposed to work in pairs on the next part of the course too. I said yes, and she was happy about that, because she felt we worked so well together (she even mentioned how hard working in groups can be - which of course is exactly how I feel!!), and we also both live some distance from Uni in the same direction, so it was easy to meet at home, we didn't neccessary have to go to Uni etc. I was really SOO happy!!!
I was the one suggesting that we would work together, so hearing that she enjoyed it too - and that she actaully asked me if we could continue working together .... wow!! That is something really huge for me, and I really feel very very happy about that!!
I'm rambling again ... sorry! :)
I really should have finished off with a graphic - as I usually do! - but I've completely lost my inspiration and imagination when it comes to graphics and Photoshop! Guess I could take a break and hope that I'll be more motivated to create later on.
I did however update my Great Lyrics!-blog, I changed the layout and added a new song! You can check it out at:
WISH ME LUCK TOMORROW!!
Saturday, 18 November 2006
I have had a pretty rotten day today, I haven't managed to actually do anything, although I'm completely stressed out, and I'm really feeling down at the moment. I guess these things come and go, and I think everything that has been going on this semester is catching up with me now. I know that a lot of things have been positive and good and all that, but since I'm always stressing around - and I have some stuff to deal with that definately isn't good - I can't even be happy about the things that have worked out ...
Yeah, I'm rambling, I know ... sorry.
I know not much of this makes sense, but that pretty much mirrors the way I feel right now - I'm completely messed up, and I don't quite know how to sort everything out. Especially considering that I have to get up early tomorrow, to clean the entire apartment, read some passages from a book we used on a course last semester and do some shopping, before my friend comes - and then I have to be all nice and friendly and productive and everything - and on Monday morning I have another oral presentation!
*seriously considering to emigrate to the Moon*
I won't go and on about this, needless to say I'm not having a good day today, and that's that.
Friday, 17 November 2006
The presentation today was okay, I think! As with the previous two presentation I've done, I cannot in detail recall the presentation itself. I'm so extremely nervous so I don't quite know what happened. At least no disasters occured, and it wasn't at all as bad as the last one. I think I got one more or less specific question from our teacher (he's not very 'specific' at all ...), but I managed to get out of it without it turning into a big deal. To be honest I can't say that I'm either pleased or not pleased with the way it turned out, but the main thing is still that it didn't go really bad!!
Afterwards, me and the girl I'm working with went to work on the next report! We have the oral presentation on Monday (*sigh!*) and we have to do an oral presentation as well! (Did I mention - I really don't like this course?!??!) We had to get our teacher to let us into the computer room, as we had to get some statistical data ... that worked out, and I even managed to figure out more or less how the programme worked *yay me!* Then the problems started ... We needed to print the data to include them in our report. I did it on the computer, and my friend went out to gather the prints from the printer which was just outside ... well, when she left she didn't quite close the door - which set off an alarm!!! (Since there are lots of computers there, there are codes and locks - and aparently also alarms!!) While she was gone, the person responsible for all computer technology came rushing in wondering what I did there ... yikes! Anyway, my friend returned, without any prints ... aparently nothing happnened!! Okay ... When I checked, we could print from three different printers - so I tried again and again - nothing happnened!! We didn't know what to do, we really needed those prints!!
My friend went to ask somebody (preferably the guy who came rushing in earlier) but she didn't find anyone!! It turned into a big deal, but finally this guy came, and told us that the printer in out in the hall was broken! Way to go!! We could use another printer, but then the prints would come out in a different room on the third floor! My friend went to collect them, and when she returned, it tunred out we had used that printer before, so we had like five copies of what we needed ... *ooops!*
At least we managed to write the most part of the report, and we'll finish on Sunday, I've invited my friend to come here, so hopefully we can finish it then, print it and still have some time on Sunday night to look over it before the presentation on Monday!
As you can imagine - it's been quite a day!
And as if this wasn't enough, and 'old problem' raised it ugly head again, quite unexpectedly ... I don't want to go into detail, so I'm sorry if this sounds totally cryptic, but it's very very personal. I had done my best to ... well, not put it behind me, because I think that's virtually impossible, but at least to not let it be a constant part of my life ... and that all crashed to pieces this afternoon.
So, unfortunately, I have yet another issue to deal with now, not counting the various presentations, getting a friend to come over (I know that doesn't sound like such a big deal, but to me it is, especially since this is somebody I don't know that well, and somebody who's never been here before ...), preparing for my essay etc etc.
I have a strong feeling my brain will go on overdrive for quite some time ...
I did some graphics tonight, inspired by my recent Chess-experience! :) I really feel like I'm loosing inspriation for graphics now though, everything I do feels boring and like it looks exactly the same ... *sigh*
Ah well - I hope you'll like them anyway! :)
Thursday, 16 November 2006
I knew it would be tough to go back to full time studies, continue beyond the basic levels etc, but I'm constantly facing new challenges, it's one after another after another, and I'm finding it rather difficult to cope. Not that I'm giving up or anything, but every challenge I'm facing takes so much strength and energy from me, I feel I need to stop and gather more strength at some point ... and I'm not allowed to do that at all!
In the beginning of October I hadn't done an oral presentation in almost ten years! Doing one then was a really big deal for me, and it felt like a true milestone in my development! Then I actually got some time to recover from that before we had the group thing ... well I hadn't done that in almost as long time, and I did!
Now all of a sudden - about five or six weeks later (or even less!) - I am supposed to handle the fact that I get two or three days to prepare an oral presentation!! And by 'preparing' I don't mean the actual work of writing the presentation and rehearsing i - which in itself takes a lot of time - I mean mentally prepare!! This is a drastic escalation of things, and I'm not sure how well I'm coping with it!! I do have a hard time seeing myself giving up at this stage, because I have come so far, I have accomplished so much and I've worked so hard, that I won't give all that up in a hurry, but fact is - I'm not feeling very good at the moment! I use every ounce of energy and strength that I have just to try and survive and cope with what's thrown in my face, and I really feel I need to do something else too!
I know I went away on my trip, and I had some absolutely fantastic experiences, both theatrical and with a very dear friend whom I met and with my little sister, and I can't say that I regret going, but it was not a relaxing holiday ... it was a demanding trip! So that didn't do anything to recharge my batteries - in fact quite the oposite, it drained me even more.
Looking forward, we are going in to the second part of this course on Tuesday (after another oral presentation on Monday - *HELP!*), and in some ways I think this might be a bit easier - I think the teacher we're going to have might be a little more straight-forward and structured - but we still have two separate reports with oral presentations (and we have to make one interview and one observation!) to do, as well as the final, larger report which will work as an examination on the entire course!
So, looking at it realistically, I won't be able to get any kind of peace and quiet until around December 12th!! On top of all this, I have to gather quite a lot of data for the eassy I'll be writing ... *trying not to crack completely now*
Well, I'd best get back to looking over the presentation that will take place tomorrow!
I really, really, really hope I can make it through this, because I'm certainly going through a more demanding time than I really feel comfortable with right now ... although I know that if I can somehow gather the strength I need to get through this, I have really made an awesome job this semester!!!
Wish me luck?! :)
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
The course I'm taking now turns out be both demanding as well as very confusing!! I think I had misunderstood some things earlier, because today I suddenly found out that we have one presentation on Friday and another one on Monday! Yikes!!
I'm not even 100% sure of what exactly it is we are supposed to do, which does feel rather bad at the moment!! I am meeting a girl from the course - we're doing one, and possible both, project/s together - tomorrow, so hopefully we'll be able to come to some kind of conclusion together! *sigh* I don't really mind working hard on a course, after all, I am studying full time, but I find it difficult when things are so confusing, when I don't know what I'm expected to do etc.
Adding to the general confusion is the larger essay we'll be doing at the end of the semester. This essay is a course over 5 weeks, you know the drill - a scientific work blah blah blah. Included in this course is that I will have to act as an opponent on somebody else's essay, and they will act as an opponent on mine ... so this is quite a big deal! Due to practical reasons, I have to start gathering data for my essay now, as I'm in kind of a rush ... and doing all that - and getting my tutor to agree to everything I do (!) on top of this confusing course ... let's just say that I'll be in for a tough time!!
Well, enough boring details now, I think!
I am feeling rather tired about all this, becuase as usual things are happening so fast, and I don't feel like I have the time I need to deal with what has happened or what will happen, and that is rather straining. Still, I have to do this, so I just have to do whatever I can and hope for the best, right?
At least I have some fun things to look forward to, such as seeing Cats in Gothenburg on December 2nd, and going to a Christmas concert the following day!
Tuesday, 14 November 2006
Even though I had a horribly early morning - and the trains were more or less totally screwed up *sigh* - I haven't mananged to wind down a bit too, relax and coming to terms with everything that has happened - something which was crucial if I am to deal with all the stuff going on at Uni!!
Some stuff were 'solved' today, but not a whole lot, so I still have a rather heavy day tomorrow! Fortunately, it's not so terribly early at least!! Today I had to take the bus that leaves 06.28 ... there should be a law at those kinds of mornings, don't you think?!?
Tomorrow, lectures doesn't start until 10.15, thanks for that at least (I need to take the bus at 9, which is a far more decent time than half past seven!!)!!
I'm still having very fond memories of my trip though! I can't help but miss my families though, and I've spoken to my Dad about what my little sister's been up to - I really miss her!! Aparantly her Mom now has to "play Jessica" quite a lot *lol*! It gets kind of intense from time to time, but it's really wonderful that we've have such a strong relationship (I mean me and my little sister - not me and my Dad's partner ... although it's nice to have a good relationship to her as well - oh, my God, how I'm rambling!! *lol* I'm just getting far to tired right now .... *wondering if anybody is understanding anything of this!*) ... I'll just leave this subject now, I think that's the best thing to do, actually! :)
I found this totally cool You Tube link - and boy did it bring back memories from Chess ... *wishing I could go back now!!* Check it out at:
It isn't top quality, but it was wonderful to see, since I was there in person - and it brought back a whole lot of other memories from the show as well ... It's a shame it's nog a regular production - I'd LOVE to see it again!
Well, I'm up for some rather tough times tomorrow, so I'll make sure to turn in early tonight! I'll sign off with a new graphic, enjoy!
Monday, 13 November 2006
A truly wonderful cast, with some lovely surprises for me! I knew that Michael McCarthy would play Molokov, he was without a doubt the main reason I went to see it! *lol*
Very nice to see David Shannon, whom I'd heard a lot of great things about! Also great to see Carmen Cusak, who sings on one of my favourite cds at the moment; The London Cast Recording of The Secret Garden. The biggest surprise was to find out that Linzi Hately was playing Florence! She's of course played Eponine in Les Misérables in London, she sings "On My Own" on the Stage by Stage Documentary, and she's also on The Secret Garden cd!
The entire cast was fantastic and they worked very well together!! The Arbiter, played by Norwegian actor Åge Sten Nilsen was of course a big hit with the Oslo audience! :-) But he certainly deserves all the credit he got, he did a great job. I've never really understood that part, and therefore I've never really liked The Arbiter. Mr. Nilsen did a great job, he had a nice, clear voice and I might even start to like the part now! :-)
Svetlana, played by Carmen Cusak, had unfortunately a rather small part (much smaller than in the Swedish production!), but she did a marvellous job! She managed to sing with a Russian accent that sounded completely genuine - most impressive!! The duet "I Know Him So Well" with Linzi Hately was a real highlight!!
I never really figured out the reporter-guy, Walter de Courcey, other than the fact that he was generally annoying ... Maybe that was the point?! *lol* Anyway, James Spilling did a great job, he'd found an amazing American accent! :-)
Sean Kingsley played Freddie Trumper, the American Chess Champion. I learned from the programme that he has played Jean Valjean (Les Misérables) in London, and it's always nice to see "Les Mis People"! *lol* His interpretation of the character Freddie didn't quite agree with my picture of Freddie, but he's a very talented performer! I was most impressed with the way he did "Pity the Child" - sooo much feeling and emotion, he really gave it all and it was fantastic to see!!
Over to David Shannon, who played Anatoly. I learned that's quite experienced in the world of musicals, having performed in Phantom of the Opera, Les Misérables, Miss Saigon, Jesus Christ Superstar, Whistle Down the Wind, Grease and many, many more!
Linzi Hately was probably the biggest surprise to me! I had liked her a lot both in the Stage by Stage Les Misérables Documentary and on the Secret Garden cd, but I didn't really feel she was totally outstanding! Until I saw this production!! She was absolutely fantastic, with a rich, full and clear vocie! I have to say she's better than Swedish performer Helen Sjöholm, who is one of my very favourites ... I was most impressed by Linzi Hately's performace, highlights were the previously mentioned "I Know Him So Well" (with Carmen Cusak), "Someone Else's Story" and "Nobody's Side". Amazing!!
Last, but definately not least: Michael McCarthy as Molokov. Ever since I saw Mr. McCarthy as Javert in Les Misérables (London 2004), I've said that he's my second favourite performer after Philip Quast. I don't think I've ever realized just how very true that was until I saw this show!! Along with Philip Quast, Michael McCarthy is by far the most talented performer I have ever come across!
For me, personally, the real highlights of the show were Michael McCarthy, Linzi Hately and David Shannon - the entire cast and production were fantastic, but these three really made into something truly special - a great evening indeed!!
I really wish I had had the courage to go to the stage door afterwards, it would have been fantastic to meet this amazingly talented performers ... but I've never done it before, and I was far to shy, scared and nervous ... *kicking myself now*
Anyway, despite travelling and waiting for in total 15 hours 15 minutes (!!) to see this production, it was all worth it in the end!! I know I'll never be able to see this particular production again, but I hope I'll be able to see these amaing performers again ... soon!! :-)
Scott Davies: Trained at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama. He's done - among a lot of others - Mr Snow in Carousel, The Painter in Lulu, Don Ricardo in Verdi's Ernani, The Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera and he recently played Borsa in Rigoletto (as well as being understudy to The Duke of Mantua). In TV he's appeared in "Taggart", "Take the High Road" and "Crimewatch UK" (and much much more!).
Jody Crosier: He has a degree from Guilford School of Acting. He's played Rapunzel's Prince in Into the Woods, Marius in Les Misérables, Chris in Miss Saigon, Martin in Martin Guerre, Stephen in Snakes and Ladders and a lot more.
Jacinta Whyte: Her career started at the age of 12 when she had the lead role in Annie in Victoria Palace Theatre and Gaiety Theatre in Dublin.
Lydia Griffith: Comes from Wrexham in Northern Wales. She has just finished playing Carrie in Carousel and the female journalist in Pravda, both in Chichester Festival Theatre.
Anders Ekborg: A famous face in Swedish musical theatre and movies. He's played Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar, Karl-Oskar in Kristina Från Duvemåla and Freddie Trumper in Chess as well as the lead in Jekyll & Hyde and a Swedish production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (Josef och hans bröder), and he played Che in the Swedish production of Evita.
I really hope nobody will be offended by the fact that I'm only choosing some songs to discuss further, but I simply don't have the time or the energy to write about every single one ... this, of course, doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy the songs that aren't mentioned here ...
The first song I'd like to mention is "This Is the Moment" from Jekyll & Hyde, sung wonderfully by Anders Ekborg! It was great to hear this particular song, because I heard Christer Nerfont sing it in the Musical Highlights!-concert (October 8th!)! I can't say that I prefer one of them over the other, becuase they were both amazing!
Anders Ekborg and Lydia Griffiths singing "All I Ask Of You" from Phantom of the Opera was also a fantastic experience - their voices sound really wonderful togheter! Continuing on the Phantom-theme, Scott Davies went on to sing "Music of the Night". In my personal opinion, this was by far the best he did during the show, it was absolutely fantastic!! I bet he made an excellent Phantom *wished I could have seen him*!!
Jacinta Whyte sang "Blow Gabriel Blow" from Anything Goes, I'd never heard it before, and it was great!! Miss Whyte is so energetic with so much personality, you just couldn't help smiling the entire time!
Anders Ekborg's interpretation of "Anthem" was also something very special!! I hadn't heard him perform this particular song before, and he did a great job - he has a really powerful voice!!
Act One finished with "One Day More" from Les Misérables, to my great delight! :-) The songs has seven parts and they [almost] pulled it off with four people on stage - which impressed me a lot!! Scott Thomas sang Valjean and Enjolras, Jody Crosier sang Marius and Javert, Lydia Griffiths was Cosette and Jacinta Whyte sang Eponine and the Thénardiers-parts - and I loved the way she completely changed her accent when chaning from one part to another! Amazing! The choir parts were divided, which worked perfectly, but in the end, where all parts sing more or less togehter, they skipped the Javert- and Thénardiers-parts to make it work. Still, a very memorable Act One Finale!!
Act Two started with "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", which I'd never heard before, but it was certainly the perfect song to get everybody back into the musical spirit!
Lydia Griffiths and Jody Crosier sang "Supercalifrailisticexpialidocious" from Mary Poppins, which was filled with joy and energy - fantastic!!
The lovely duet "You & I" from Chess was sung by Anders Ekborg and Jacinta Whyte and was so beautiful!!
Then came a few Les Misérables songs! Yay! Jody Crosier sang "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" and did a very good job! He's not one of my very favourites, but he really did a wonderful job with this very emotional song! Scott Davies sang "Stars", and I was a bit nervous before. "Stars" is my favourite song from my favourite musical, and I have very clear opinions on what it takes to make it great, and what performers have that ability (yes, I'm horrible, I know!) ... Mr. Davies did a quite acceptable job, without a doubt, although I can't say that he reached the levels my favourite performers are on ... this, of course, just being my humble opinion! I felt sorry for him though, because very early on in the song, he completely forgot the lyrics!! He went through most of the first half of the song just mumbling, and that must have been pretty tough - I mean, it can happen to anyone, but it's pretty horrible when it does ... Since I'm totally into this song, I noticed this right away, but for others in the audience not quite so obsessed with Les Misérables, it mightn't have been obvious at all! Anders Ekborg sang "The Prayer" ("Bring Him Home"). He's a very talented singer indeed, but to me, this is one of the most complicated and difficult songs I know of, it's enormously difficult to perform this song really well - and I don't know of many performers that can!! Still, a good job from Mr. Ekborg!
Jacinta Whyte sang "Macavity" from Cats, and this was a really nice surprise for me! This is one of the fe4w songs from Cats I've never really liked much, but Miss Whyte totally changed that! She made this song into something totally fantastic!!
The show ended with a huge medley from Mamma Mia! which was very powerful! The audience wasn't that great, unfortunately, because with a bit more activity and cooperation from them, the medely could have been even better!
The performers came back for one extra number, they did "We Are The Champions" from We Will Rock You, but once again, I think it could have been an even more powerful ending with a better audience.
It was still a most wonderful evening, and I think that seeing Jacinta Whyte was a highlight for me! Of course I have seen her in Les Misérables 10th Anniversary Concert but she was soooo much better than I ever could have expected!
It's been a most eventful trip, but I've mostly had a great time, and experienced a great deal ... I can't say that I regret the trip, but the fact is that I'm not in top shape right now, actually I'm not feeling great at all!
I think I will be able to see the entire trip with other eyes when (if??) I get a chance to rest up properly, because right now I mostly feel overly tired and have a hard time coping with what's next; namely Uni and a number of problems that seems to pop up there ...
But enough of the negative now ... let's move on to the positive! :)
Two major events took place during my trip, namely The Best of The West End show on Saturday day and Chess - The Musical International Tour on Sunday! These two will each get a separate entry with a proper review ... hope you'll enjoy them.
As for the rest of the trip, well, naturally it was wonderful to see my families again ... and absolutely fantastic to see my little sister again!! She's certainly growing, that's for sure!! She's really tall now, and she talks - a lot!! *lol* It's still a bit 'babyish' in pronounciation, a lot of l:s and h:s, which are easy letters in Swedish, but it's definately no problem understanding her - once you get used to her "accent"! :) And her vocabulary is really impressive, she puts together long sentences with rather difficult words - it's such a huge change since this summer!
Naturally, there was a lot of play-time!
I'm sorry to keep this a bit short - but I've prepared two rather long reviews of the above mentioned shows, and if I'm going to be able to add them here tonight, I'd better get started!
I'll finish off with some recent pictures of my little sister! Enjoy!