Sunday, 29 August 2010

A Week In Limbo!

My intention was actually not to ignore the blog for an entire week (!), but this last week has been feeling quite strange. I know I should have worked on thoughts and ideas for my Master's Thesis, but not knowing what to do about the other course/courses I have to take has made it quite difficult for me to focus. I have been waiting for a decision, and mostly feeling like I've been in some limbo state, where I haven't known anything.

I did get an email from the student counsellor on Thursday, she had forwarded a mail from a guy I've been in touch with regarding this before - and again, more confusion. At one point, he actually said one thing first and in the next sentence said the opposite, so yeah: confusion! Also, I think I have a possibility of solving this situation in a good way, but he did not mention this as an alternative, so I don't know whether it's possible or not.
I'm really fed up with all of this, and even though I want to continue this "fight" until I get a definitive answer, I'm not sure if I should. This could, in the long run, reflect badly on me, and I really don't want that ....

I'm meeting with "my" professor (Old Testament) tomorrow afternoon, and I'm basically going to let him decide! While this does not really affect him (since none of the courses are in OT), he is my tutor, and I do value his opinion. Basically I think that if he feels I should continue, and try to find out if I can take a course that I will benefit from, then I will. That way I know I'll have his support, and hopefully he might be able to give me some more names of people I can talk to. However, if he seems to think I'm exaggerating and just causing trouble, I will just give up - take the course that it was said earlier I had to take, and just ... don't make any more trouble. This is not really what I want, of course, but I still feel that I can't go on if everybody at the Department thinks I'm being a pain in the neck!

This week has mostly been centred around this, and now I'm trying to look ahead ... because the semester does start tomorrow, whether I'm ready for it or not!

I know I'm going to have a rough time now, mostly because I find it SO difficult to get going with my Master's Thesis. I know I can write, but I'm finding it extremely difficult to come to the point where I actually start to write. I need to find a subject and a line of question, something that will hold up in the academic debate, I need to be able to make a decent disposition of the thesis, and then I can start writing ... and reaching that point seems to be very difficult indeed.

I'm glad for the session with the professor tomorrow, we're going to have to discuss the thesis as well, but I also know that he can't get started on it for me - basically it's all up to me anyway ... which is a bit scary!

Apart from the thesis I do have this other little mess to deal with. At the moment I don't know what will come of it, but no matter what I will have to take quite difficult and time consuming courses - so I am in for a hard time, that's for sure!

I stand by the fact that I want to keep this blog alive though, so I'm very much hoping that I will at least have the energy to make a short entry every day! *fingers crossed*


The Darkest Night said...

That must be really frustrating! I hope you get some answers today! Good luck! *hugs*

Jessica said...

Totally!! I did get a lot of support from 'my' professor, but ultimately, it's not his decision. But I will continue to press the issue until I get definitive answers now!!