For various reasons, I have not felt great during these holidays. I usually fret the holidays beforehand, as there is a lot to take into account when planning for them, but once I'm up with my families things tend to work out fairly well ... This year however, I felt it was really hard - and I think there are quite a few reasons for that.
I wasn't feeling at all well when the holidays started and that makes things quite difficult. I am used to living alone and minding my own business, so it is a fairly big change to suddenly live around several other people, two of them being children and always having to think about everyone else, adapting yourself after other people's needs and wishes. I guess it sounds like I'm totally selfish and egocentric usually but I honestly don't think I am - it just takes a while getting used to living like that. Often I can cope with it, but I am a very private kind of person and when I don't feel bad, I find it very difficult to interact with others ... so I think that was part of why this Christmas didn't feel great.
Naturally it was very hard not having Zorro around this Christmas! As usual, from a practical point of view some things got easier. I could spend more time with my Mum, as I didn't have to ask my Dad and his family to take care of Zorro if I stayed overnight, for instance - and I didn't have to worry about him not getting as much attention as he usually did. During the trips I only had to think about myself ... but at the same time, I felt very alone without him. Zorro and I usually didn't get much time for us when we visited my Dad and his family, as my sisters usually crave a lot of attention, but the time we did have - usually at night when the others had gone to bed, was such a quality time, we totally enjoyed being together ... and this year I felt completely alone going to bed.
I think I can split the holidays in two, actually. From a practical point of view, they were actually very good! I didn't have to worry about Zorro (which I did quite a lot earlier), I did get to spend more time with my Mum, it was great seeing my sisters again, nobody was ill or hurt ...
But on an emotional level, it wasn't that great. First and foremost of course, missing Zorro. But I also felt it more difficult to be around everybody, probably because I wasn't feeling the best beforehand. I had a hard time being patient with the girls and it was sometimes difficult trying to adapt myself to their routines ... there were other factors too, but they are a bit too personal for a public blog.
One day my Dad and I took a trip to the summerhouse, mostly to check it out, see if rats had gone in and get rid of some of the snow on the roofs of the buildings. While it was quite hard work it was fantastic to get a day on my own with my Dad, and it was really beautiful out there, the sun was shining and quite a bit of snow ...
There will be more entries to come, so do come back! :)