Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Opening My Heart!

As you may have noticed, this blog has been completely neglected lately! Things have not worked out at all, no matter what I have been doing or trying, and I haven't felt like exposing all the bad things that has happened, day after day after day! Doesn't make for fun reading, does it?!

However, I rather like this blog, and I'd hate to see it die, since I've put a lot of work into it, it's been doing fairly well, and it's been around for over three years. So I'm taking a deep breath now and will try to summarize this fall, in the hopes that the future will be a bit better. But it's not easy to know where to start ...

Well, first and foremost, my laptop is FINALLY back with me!! Yes!!! Teethy
It was quite weird as I didn't hear anything from the Repair Centre, where I eventually had to send it, and all of a sudden I got a note in the mail to go pick it up! Apparently they had replaced the Hard Disk Drive and reinstalled Windows Vista, and so far it seems to be working!! The not-so-good thing is that I didn't get Microsoft Office which I had on it before - so I still can't use the computer for actual writing ... which is a bit annoying. I might be able to get that fixed during Christmas holidays though! *fingers crossed*

I have also had the windows in my appartment replaced. The windows were going on 50 years and needed to be replaced - unfortunately, that hasn't gone smoothly. I have had the guys in here for four days now (and I have to stay at home while they are here, as I have to watch Zorro), and they never ever seem to finish. It's just one thing after another (and they usually start working at 11-11.30 and stop at 2 ... some working hours, right?!? Disappointed 3 Now they have managed to at least get the windows changed (so I have all my furniture and curtains back in place), but they destroyed bits of my wall when they removed the balcony door, and they have to fix that later this week - and they have already been in one extra day to finish putting in the window shutters. And then I realized they haven't finished the outside of the balcony, but since I have a net there, to protect Zorro, they have to have access to my appartment to fix that as well. I'm getting seriously tired of them right now, I hope I can talk to them when they come for the wall ... Having to be home on certain hours is seriuosly ruining my personal routine now, espeically when it just seems to go on and on and on and on ... *sigh* I still don't know when they will be finished, but I just really hope it will be done soon!!

My Dad came for a visit about a week ago, and that was really fantastic!! It was the first time he has visited me on his own since my oldest sister was born in 2004, and it was really wonderful!! Unfortunately he arrived in the middle of the window-mess, it felt very nice to have someone here during all of it, but I also would have liked for my Dad and I to be able to spend a bit more quality time to ourselves ... instead of just trying to get everything to work out with the window-guys. But I still enjoyed his visit SO much, and I was feeling really, really low when he left - even though I know I'll be able to see him for Christmas.

There has been some problems with Dad and his family lately - quite a lot of problems actually. I definitely won't say any more than that, as it is their private business, but things haven't been well at all, and it turned out they managed to be able to book another trip to the United States!!! They went to Florida last December, and they are apparently going to do a da capo and go again in about a week. I very much hope that it will be a great trip for them, so they can get some compensation for everything that has happened, and that they will feel better when they come back!!

Needless to say, with all of this - as well as some other stuff that I won't bore you with now - my studies has been suffering A LOT!! I haven't managed to focus and concentrate properly and I'm seriously very worried about that now. I usually take my studies very seriously, and sometimes I sound more worried than I actually am, because it turns out I am prepared and I do pretty well - but this time I'm seriously seriously worried!!! I have to finish one 1st level thesis by the beginning of January, and while I know what it's about and has the basic structure figured out, the material won't gather itself and the thesis will most certainly not write itself!!! And that takes focus and concentration and hard work and time!!
I also have to write my Master's thesis now!! Things are still pretty undetermined regarding the practical matters, I will present it in the post-graduate seminar (*scary!!*), but it's not yet decided when ... it will probably be in April. But before that I have one full-time course (January-March), I will be mentor in the Hebrew course, meaning I have some work to do there, and I'll probably want to attend a lot of lectures. I also have a reading course in the New Testament with Greek, so I'm hoping to show up a bit for the Greek course as well, to freshen up my grammar skills a bit! So writing a Master's thesis on top of that will NOT be easy, that's for sure!!
The main problem now is that I'm clueless regarding the entire thing. I know I want to focus on the Covenant, and Exodus 34 - and since I enjoy working with texts, it would be fun working with a redactional-critical method ... but more than that: I'm clueless!! For some reason I can't conenctrate or think or reach any kind of decision regarding it, and I definitely need to get started on it ... SOON!!

Unfortunately, I also seem to have lost touch with a lot of my friends!! I know they are really busy and have a lot on their plates, and when I have felt so under the weather, I haven't had the energy to reach out to them ... but it feels a bit sad that I've lost that. I have some friends at the Department, and it's nice to hang out with them, taking a break and grabbing a coffee - but I also miss the friends that have left the Department and moved on to other things ...

Oh my, I guess you have all fallen alseep by now, this turned out to be a long entry. Still, if I'm going to start blogging again, I figured I'd better get everything up to speed again! I have been doing a little bit of photographing lately, so now it's only a matter of getting my laptop organized again, and move the pictures from the camera to the computer, and then I'll make some photo entries here! :-) (I have gotten quite a lot done on my laptop, so hopefully I might even be able to add at least some photos later on today)


The Darkest Night said...

thanks for opening your heart to us, and giving us an update! Have been worried since it's been some time since you last wrote and I realize you've been having a tough time....
I really hope things will work out...thinking of you a lot *hugs*

Jessica said...

Thank you sis! I know I've been completely out of it for a while - I get like that when things aren't working out, I can't really write - or talk - about anything!
I really hope things will start turning around soon ...