Pardon the somewhat cryptic title! :)
Fact is, I hardly slept at all last night, I basically got about an hour, dosing on the couch. I did however discover certain things about myself. Generally I tend to think ... a lot ... I kind of like it, but I have a feeling it can get over the top sometimes. During the wee hours of the morning, I did however think a whole lot of things that has never crossed my mind before, and I honestly think I can do some really good things on the basis of that!
While I'm feeling sooooo much better now than I did some five years ago or so, I have still experienced problems in certain areas during the last few years. If what I thought of tonight is true, and I can get to work on it, I really think I have a chance to once again make some changes for the better in my life! There are no guarantees in life, I know that only too well, but this sleepless night really opened my eyes and I think I see things in a perspective I haven't done before - and I'm hoping that will be enough for me to really work hard at making these changes.
I think a very important thing when you want to change something you're not happy with, is that you know exactly HOW you are going to change it. The first step is certainly to recognize you do want to change whatever-it-is - but I think it's hard to be successful unless you know how to accomplish it!! It's really easy to say "I want to change this" - whether it'd be loose weight/gain weight, get better at staying in touch with family and friends, live a healthier life ... whatever - but if you don't have a plan, it's going to be hard to realize it!!
I think the big revelation of my night was the fact that I actually know exactly how to change the things that haven't been working for me. I have known about them for a long time, and felt the need for change, and tried and tried and tried to change - but no success!! Now I have a very detailed plan for what to do, how to work with this, and I think I can make a go of it!!
Before my sick leave, I felt horrible, awful, terrible - and had done so for quite a while ... but I never figured out exactly what the problem was, and therefore, I had no chance in knowing how to do something about it!
When I got help - eventually - and actually got a detailed plan: "This is what you have to do at this specific time!" I managed to change it! It felt like it took forever, but I did it! I guess you can compare it with someone not happy with their weight (no matter if they feel they weigh too little or too much) ... it's NOT easy to "just change it", to start loosing weight or gaining weight! But if you start a programme - a dietary programme, or Weight Watchers or something like that, where it's clearly specified exactly what you have to do, a lot of people reach the result they want!
Sorry about the rambling!! :) I know it might be premature, but I do feel I can start changing things now, if I can stick to the methods and techniques I thought of, I really think it's possible!!!
Moving on to something else ...
We had an information meeting about the renovations being done to our bathrooms starting next year - and let's just say it's going to be a MESS! Apart from completely tearing down the bathroom (everything, they will even change the main pipes running through the house), the will change all the electrical outlets in the entire apartment, you can choose to have your entire kitchen redecorated ... and basically you can't stay in your apartment for about a month!!!
I can live with that, I can go in exile with Zorro to the summerhouse ... the only problem is the time when they're going to be here. Which is exactly when I will finish everything regarding my studies, which includes completing my master's thesis, present my master's thesis (in a really huge and quite scary seminar!!), send in an application to get my master's degree and send an application for post graduate studies - which shall include a project description of my future dissertation!!! All this at a time where I basically can't be in the same part of the country .... (And yes, you might say I should leave Zorro somewhere because this is more important - but I can't do that! First of all, I can't stay in my apartment anyway, with everything that's going on, and second, he's getting really old and very dependant on me, and I think that leaving him with, say my Dad's family, alone for several weeks, could very well kill him ...)
Wow, this blog entry ended up being way longer than I had intended! :) I have a really long day tomorrow, so I'm going to starting thinking about bed now!