Sunday, 8 May 2011


The weekend has been okay, I guess, though I'm constantly walking around with a feeling that I should do more than I do - and at the same time I'm very tired. To be honest, I don't think it's all that strange ... Every now and again, I feel allergies, even though I've never "officially" been diagnosed for it, and I tend to not cope very well with spring time in general. This year has been better than a lot of other years, but I think that's why I'm usually feeling tired.

I've been doing some cleaning and shopping and studying - just the usual stuff. I'm currently working on a rapport on my master's thesis, I have about a week left to work on it before I have to hand it in to the professor, so I really need to get into it. I've had a couple of really intense weeks now, so I feel I haven't quite been working on the rapport as much as I should have, so now I'm hoping this week won't be quite so intense. By the look of things right now, it won't be, so I hope not too many things will happen ... At this point, it's basically only OT lectures every day and that's only about 2 hours, so hopefully I'll be able to work quite a bit with my stuff as well.

Friday was a good day, and I think it gave me a kick of extra motivation, which is very needed at the moment.
The morning was fairly slow - a bit too slow I think, but I guess it's too late to worry about that now. Lectures weren't until 1 p.m. as we were having a guest lecture on Psalm Theology with the Old Testament Professor, Fredrik Lindström (who is my tutor). He usually gives this lecture on this course, and I've sat in on it both previous times when I've been a mentor on this course - but it is a great lecture and he is a very good lecturer - can't help but feel it's a shame he doesn't do it more!
The lecture was interesting as usual, and it was actually a lot of fun this year, as I remembered quite a lot and was almost anticipating what would come next! :) The lecture ended just before 3 p.m. and the regular teacher had prepared a little get-together (which ended up being coffee/tea and cake!!) in the teacher's lounge, so we all went there after the lecture.
We had a nice time and after a while I heard a discussion starting up regarding the lecture we'd just had, and Psalm 24 (which was the focus of the lecture) - and even though I sat at the other end of the table I tried to "take part" (i.e. "listen" - a bit hard trying to scream across a table full of people *lol*). Just in time for this the previous teacher, who had the grammar-part of the course arrived! He's extremely talented and knows I guess a dozen ancient languages - and the discussion turned out to be about how to interpret certain words and grammatical constructions. I really wish I'd gotten a better seat, but at least I could listen in on the conversation! :)

I ended up staying late (no surprise there *lol*) and left after about 1½ hours - got to talking to some people on the way out as well, which was nice.

And I have to mention something else - it's a bit funny but I find a deeper significance to it which is quite extraordinary for me personally.
At around 4 p.m. most of the people started to leave, as did the Professor - and he left with the words: "Well, Jessica, next year you can do this lecture!" :)
I figured there had to be some comment on the fact that I sat in on it for the third time (!), and I try to say that it'd be many years until I could do that! (But I'm taking to heart what one of the teachers said: "Be grateful for the vote of confidence!")
Naturally it was quite funny, and I know I've become that "geek" that always hangs around and has no other life besides the Old Testament - well almost anyway! I think what is extraordinary is that I'm so happy with that!! Ever since ... well, 10th grade or something, I have wanted to be like everybody else. I have always felt like an outsider, like an alien that doesn't fit in, and I've desperately tried to melt in with the crowd.
Now, in many ways, I do stand out - I am a bit of an outsider and an alien. I have an interest not many other students do. I'm interested in the general education system and what changes are taking place there - most students don't care as long as they get their degrees in the end. I am mentor, and while there are other mentors at the Department, there aren't that many of us. Maybe, the biggest difference of all: I want to stay on at the Department, at this Department - and most students can't wait to get out of there! :)
And even though all these things (and probably others as well) make me different from most people I am around, I feel fine with it. I can laugh about it and stand up for that!

I don't know, I feel like I'm mostly just rambling, and I find it difficult to express how much this does mean to me. I never in my life thought that I could find a place, so right for me, where basically everything clicks and works out and makes me feel good.

I still have issues, definitely, and I have a lot of things I need to work on to become a better person and more satisfied with my life - but there are SO many things in my life that are fantastic right now, and I never thought I'd experience that.

Deep blog entry ... I guess I should try to get back to reality now and get on with cleaning my bathroom! *lol*
I hope you all had a great weekend!

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