Oh What An Active Day!

Wow! I can't believe what an active day I've had! True enough, I'm completely exhausted now, but it still feels good to have gotten quite a few things done ... despite not everything working out exactly as planned!

This morning I started catching up on my course, as fell behind last week studying for my oral exam. I had gotten notes from Johanna (*thank you - thank you*) through email, but since I learn a lot from writing, I decided to take them down by hand as well ... it took almost two hours (!), but I think it was really worth it, because I felt I really understood what it said and meant!
Going into town for lectures at 1 p.m. - and the train was late again!!! I don't know what's going on now, but the trains are always late! I think I'm gonna have to take an earlier train just to be certain in getting there in time - but if that should be in time, I'll be at Uni almost an hour before lectures start ... not that much fun! *sigh* How hard can it be to follow a timetable?!!? *annoyed* I just made it to lectures, luckily enough! It was quite interesting, but I have a tendancy to take a lot of notes - today I wrote more than 7 pages!
As soon as lectures were over, I rushed down to the bookstore to check out the book we're having now (haven't even given that a thought before *oops*), only to find that it cost almost 100 SEK more in the store than online - so I ordered it online tonight instead!
Then I caught a bus to a nearby mall, where I managed to get some presents for my younger sisters on sale ... always nice! :)

But I didn't get home until 6 p.m. - completely exhausted ... but Zorro was totally happy of course!! I think he'd really missed me!
Since I got home I have managed to get some stuff done online, pay a 'special' bill and copy some more notes (about 2 pages so far). I'm really tired now, so I'm going to go to bed early tonight!

What most of all surprises me, is my mood! Ever since Zorro had his little 'throwing-up-incident' (see blog entry for 28 October) I have actually been in a "good" mood (at least for me)!! No more apathy or melancholy - sure I'm stressed out, nervous, anxious, panicked ... but that's not the same thing! I actually feel okay about things, and now after Friday, I feel good! Things are tough - trying to work out my studies will not be easy, that's for sure! - and I'm constantly tired, but I still feel good and I still do things! Amazing!!
Now I know only to well I should not take any of this for granted, because God knows it can change at any minute - but because of that, I really am very greatful for every day and every hour I get to feel like this!!

Take care!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Stenhuggaren, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 10)
Currently listening to: Nothing to do, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen (yeah right *rolling eyes*)
My Plans for tomorrow: Heavy studying, lectures!

Mixed Feelings!

Mixed feelings about my life right now!
I'm first and foremost sooo happy about my exam!! I still can't quite believe that I did so well! This was my first oral exam ever, and just knowing that I handled that feels good in itself, and doing it with a high grade - amazing! Also, it was really unexpected - because I was honestly trying to figure out what I was going to do if I failed ... so that feels really wonderful!
Also, today has been a good day - I set out a plan this morning and I have followed it almost to the letter!! The only thing I didn't get done was vacuum my apartment, but apart from that I feel quite happy with my day!
That's the good side of life .... moving on to the bad side!

It feels like my next course starts tomorrow, even though it's been going on for a week, but I guess that's because I had to focus so much on my exam last week! Which means I've now a bit behind on this new course ... even though I guess there's no panic, I'm still worried about it, I can't help that! Our teacher is somewhat 'strict' and it certainly doesn't feel great having fallen behind when it's only gone a week! Guess I'll have to work at catching up, right?!
Which normally wouldn't be that much of a problem ... but now I have another really difficult course (Old Testament with Hebrew)that I need to study for at the same time! I would very much like to get it done before Christmas, so I can use the holidays to proper catch up with 'Kristen Troslära' (the course that started last week), and prepare for that! Since it seems we will have an oral exam on the entire course (which is twice as 'big' as the one I had now!), I definately know I'll have to study like crazy for it!
On top all that, it appears we will have group discussions/seminars on two books this course - and we have to hand in a paper on one of them as well - so I can't just focuse on the Old Testament-course now either!
It's such a mess!!

I know it's a bit early to tell wether it will work out or not, and I know that the only thing I should do is try really hard to get a working study routine, where I get at least 8 hours of work in a day (and try to mix the two courses as best I can) for a while, and see what happens ... but it's really hard not to worry in advance when it's all so messy!
I know I can't blame anyone else for things turning out like this - but I don't want to make this about blame either, what's the point of that?! Things are the way they are now, it doesn't matter if it's somebody's fault or not!!

Ah well, I guess I should start to mentally prepare myself for a life that consists of studies, studies, studies, possibly some sleep, studies, studies, maybe eating once in a while, studies and studies! *lol*
Anyway, if I can create a working routine for myself, I'll hopefully find the time to do something else at times - I'd really like to meet my friends, keep up the work with my blogs etc ... but it will definately have to come in second now - at least until I've started to sort this mess out!

Finishing off with a little reminder about my poll (check the column to the right) about labels. I see that some of you have voted - thanks - but I also see that there are several visitors popping in here, and since it only takes a second to vote, I really hope you'll do it! :) The votes are entirely anonymous - even if you are logged into blogger - so you don't have to worry about me giving you a hard time about your vote! :)

Take care!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Stenhuggaren, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Tru Calling (season 1)
Currently listening to: Life's a Show, Once More With Feeling - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
My Plans for tomorrow: Lectures at Uni, studies

My Day In Photos (+ 5000 visistors!)!

First of all - I missed making a note of my 5000th visitor here, I believe it was on 8 November!! I'm very happy to see this many visitors and people interested in my life! :)

Today has been a very nice and very relaxing day! I guess I should have tried to get at least a few things done, but after the way things have been, I feel I was worth taking a day "off"! :) I have been taking a couple of walks with my camera today, so I thought I'd make this entry my "day in photos"! Enjoy!

Inconsistancies



The weather has really been inconsistant - we've had pretty warm now, and the roses are blooming (as you can see!). But aparently it actually did snow during the night, and the snow stayed for a while at least - the picture is taking about 1 p.m.!! Weird weather, that's for sure!

I continued down to the ocean, but since it was fairly cloudy, the sea looked rather dark and unfriendly! I really like the way the sky looks in the second picture though, it was like a rift in the clouds or something! Kinda cool!



Shadows and Light
I did some "experimenting" with shadows and light too, nothing advanced of course (as my camera is very simple!!), but it was nice catching the extreme difference between light and dark when the sun was about to appear from the clouds! It does look like it's taken late at night, but it is of course just because of the great difference in light! Also, loving the "reflections" in the water!!





My little walk ended up at the supermarket so I decided to do some shopping before I went home. I really felt I should have walked home as well, but the lazyness to control of me and I decided to take the bus home! And in retrospect, I think that was a good idea. I had hardly made it to the bus stop before a hail storm arrived!! *yikes* I've hardly ever seen it before, but since I moved to southern Sweden, I've experienced four or five of them ... it was very difficult to photograph this, but I think you should be able to at least get an idea of what it was like!

During the afternoon I spent some time in front of the computer, and when I got into the living room right before 4 p.m. the sky looked absolutely fantastic, like it was on fire!! I quickly realized this had potential and rushed down to the beach ... but I just can't grasp how very qucikly the sun sets these days! The first photo was taken on the way to the sea, and even if you can't really see it in the picture the sun had not disappeared yet ... and the second picture - where the sun has obviously disappeared somewhere west of Denmark! - was taken no more than five minutes later!! I can't believe it didn't take longer!!
But I am actually really happy with the first picture - I think it's really beautiful! :)




Well, this was 'my day in photos', I hope you enjoyed it! :)
(And comments are always appreciated! *lol*)


---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Stenhuggaren, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: I'll Never Tell - Once More With Feeling, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
My Plans for tomorrow: Cleaning, getting started on studies again

Where Am I Going To Start?!

Oh my God, I have had such a day today, I don't even know where to start!! Guess the beginning would be a good place, right?! *lol*

Okay, today was the day for my big oral exam!! (Which is why I haven't written much here the last few days) I was really nervous, for so many reasons!! One thing was that I felt I was more or less completely unprepared! I've been studying every waking minute these last days, but it's still four books, totally about 1000 pages - not something you "learn" and know in a hurry! I was also very nervous about it being an oral exam! I had handed in a paper as well, but it was evident we would also have an oral exam and discussion ... and for someone suffering from Social Phobia that is not something you can just shrug off. I know I've come a very long way and I'm doing very much now that I wouldn't have a few years ago - but I don't think you are ever "cured" from something like Social Phobia, you just find ways and methods to be able to function in society despite you problems. The third thing that made me really nervous was the consequences of this exam - because if I'd fail, I would actually have to take three full-time courses at the same time ... and a failing grade didn't seem very unlikely!

I more or less "overslept" this morning, and I didn't get up until it was 5.30 this morning. I cannot function without a proper session writing in my private diary so I didn't get started on my last minute studies until about an hour later ... I studied until I was about to go, right before nine (the exam was at 10.15. When I got to the railway station there was an announcement that the train was late due to technical difficulties!! Thanks a lot! I tried to study as best I could, but the train didn't come!! Eventually I had to take the next train, which meant I was in such a hurry!!! I arrived about 10.17 - and the good thing about this was that I didn't have to spend a lot of time at Uni getting nervous!

We went straight to it, and while I was really nervous, I don't think I was as "out of it" as I had feared. It was partly a discussion and partly an examination, in that my tutor both asked direct questions and also interacted and gave his own opinion at times. Lucky for me, we didn't talk much about the book I felt I knew least about ....
After about 20-25 minutes, my tutor asked if I had some last remarks to make, and when I didn't, he said he'd give me a "certificate" that I'd passed ... and I was just stunned that I HAD actually passed!! I got it, and said goodbye - and when I got outside his office and looked at it, it said I had gotten the HIGH GRADE!!!!!!!!!! I had VG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hardly could believe my eyes, I was trying to mentally prepare myself for a failing grade - and instead I got VG!!!! *gasp*

I'm really really really happy about this - I haven't managed to get much else done today due to a serious headache - comes from all the worry and stress of course - but despite that, I'm REALLY happy with my day!

I'm very tired, but I wanted to give you a quick update! I will probably be back and discuss this further when I'm not so tired .... I totally need some sleep now! :)

At last, some graphics:





---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Stenhuggaren, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Isprinsessan, after book by Camilla Läckberg
Currently listening to: Life's A Show - Once More With Feeling (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
My Plans for tomorrow: Run errands, CLEANING, relaxing

I Am In Big Big Big Trouble!

Oh yeah, my life is a total mess at the moment!!
I'm sooooo far behind on courses I should have already finished, and yesterday we started a new course, which will be more than terrible! Okay, maybe I'm overreacting a bit - mostly because I'm completely stressed out over about a million things ... but fact of the matter is: my life will not be fun for the next ... oh, I don't know - six months?!?!
I'm currently studying 24/7 for a course - I'm having an oral exam on Friday, and I have to hand in a paper on it before that! I will not go into detail on how far behind I am, because that will probably give you all a heartattack (which would be a shame), but needless to say, I'm lucky if I get a total of 2 hours sleep before Friday!!
After that I have another course (Old Testament with Hebrew), which I more or less should have finished already, and I've hardly even started yet!! Since I managed to screw up last semester as well, I'm seriously lacking a lot of things I should know for this course, meaning it will be a LOT of work to make it done! For that, there is also an oral exam - and I'm hoping I can finish it before Christmas, but I'm not really sure!
And then there's the couse I started yesterday .... (I tried to find the English title of the course on the Department Website, but it seems impossible to find - for those of you who read Swedish it's called "Kristen Troslära" - it's basically a course in systematic theology). First and foremost, i didn't really want to take this course, I had applied for a course in Bible-studies instead, but since I had to change Education systems to this new 'Bologna-system' and everything was a mess, it turned out I had to change and take this one instead. The subject is interesting, I guess, but not something I really want to learn that much about - it seems we're going to have to work our asses off on this course and I felt like somebody dropped a ton of bricks on me when our teacher calmly states that after ten weeks of intense studies we will have separate oral exams on the entire course!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like breaking down and crying my eyes out - actually it was a miracle I didn't just run away from the classroom!!!
On top of that there are - more or less - mandatory lectures 3-4 times a day as well as a written report and two group discussions ....

So this is what I'm trying to cope with now - on top of my Old Testament Studies, and an oral exam on Friday!
I hope you understand I'm frantically trying to panic completely - or leave the country on the first flight out of here!

I was completely down yesterday, this really hit me hard, but I have managed to calm down a bit today! I know there's nothing I can do except try to study at least 10 hours every single day until mid-January - and hopefully not everything will turn out to be a disaster ...
Still, you can't be sure of anything, right!? I mean, I have my first oral exam on Friday - what happens if I don't pass it?!? I'm going to take three full time courses at the same time then?!!? Terrific!!!

Sorry, I know all I can do is work as hard as I can and hope for the best, but at this point, it is hard not to be worried SICK, that's for sure!!!

I'm hoping to be able to keep all my blogs, even if they won't be updated very often! I also hope I can reach a decision about my websites - I started trying to decide what to do with them and how a while ago, but I never really finished ... Since I'm going to be this busy (and from January to the end of March next year, I will probably also take two full-time courses at the same time - long story, I'm gonna have to tell you about that some other time), I would at least like to have come a decision about what to do with my online projects!

Well, this turned into a long entry - but at least you all know what I'm dealing with right now! :) I'm gonna go back to my studies now: The Elementary Forms of Religious Life by Emile Durkheim, if anybody's interested! *lol*

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Predikanten, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 10)
Currently listening to: ---
My Plans for tomorrow: WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?

Terrible Day!

What A Great Day!

I do feel a little bad about not having studied so much today, but I've been having such a great day - I guess I can make up for the lack of studies tomorrow! :)

I met Kajsa this morning in Malmö, and it was really great to see her again! We couldn't quite figure out how long it's been since we saw each other, but it's been a very long time! We do get along great and it was fun to catch up again! We went to 'Västra Hamnen' where we had coffee and sad by the ocean (see picture!) and just talked - wonderful! The weather couldn't have been better either, very sunny and actually quite warm in the sun!
Afterwards we went to Kajsa's apartment (unfortunately her boyfriend wasn't there, so I didn't get to meet him, but I guess there'll be other times!), had a yummy lunch and talked more ... She also gave me some help and advice regarding cameras! Fact of the matter is I'm turning the big 3-o in January and I really want a new, more advanced camera - but I don't know what to look for at all (my parents have pretty much agreed to give it to me - unless it gets way to expensive, but they want me to figure out and decide what I want), and Kajsa is really into photography, so she gave me a lot of great advice! We checked out some cameras online, and I think it'd be amazing if I could actually get one that advanced! I'm an amateur photographer, but I think it's so much fun to do, and with a better camera I will hopefully improve my skills as well.
Time flew by, as it does when you have fun, and I wasn't home until 4.30!! I really should have tried to catch the sunset today because the weather was perfect for it - but I arrived home just too late, so I didn't bother going today ... guess my project of catching an actual sunset is still on! :)


Kajsa at 'Västra Hamnen' (hope you don't mind, Kajsa? In that case, let me know and I'll remove the pic!)




Finally got to see the amazing Malmö-building 'Turning Torso' ... soo cool!!




I have tried to get some studying done tonight, but I've been really tired ... Tomorrow we have the introduction on the next course - and thanks to certain circumstances, I will now have to deal with taking two full-time courses at the same time, at least until Christmas, maybe a while after Christmas as well! Can't say I'm looking forward to it one little bit, but since things are the way they are now, I'll just have to try to cope and deal with it as best I can!

By the way, I want to apologize for not updating my other blogs lately! Things are just completly insane right now, and I can't find the time for it! I haven't forgotten them though, so I'm hoping to be able to update them fairly soon ...

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Isprinsessan, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Beskyddarna (Roland Hassel, after a book by Olov Svedelid)
Currently listening to: Too Much To Do - Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: STUDIES, new course introduction

Lovely Colors!!

I can't believe it's still such wonderful colors outside - isn't it supposed to be winter now?! Not that I mind ... I took this photo when I was out today.
Not much has been going on today - I got a fair bit of laundry done this morning, as well as some studying. Unfortunately I've been suffering stomach cramps all afternoon, despite eating pills like a lunatic, and I haven't had the energy to do much at all.

I'm meeting my friend, Kajsa, tomorrow, and I'm totally looking forward to it! I haven't seen her in ages, it's at least a year - maybe more ... probably more!! We met up through a mutual interest in the Australian TV show The Flying Doctors, which we were both more or less addicted to! :) We also went to Holland twice to part-take in a sort of "fan-convention" - and - we went to Denmark and met up with one of the actors one time, when he was on a visit from Australia! (For those interested: it was Christopher Stollery who played Johnno Johnson on the show) Totally cool!
Despite the fact that we don't live far apart, Kajsa and I have sort of lost touch, so it's going to be great to see her again tomorrow!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Isprinsessan, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Anmäld Försvunnen (Roland Hassel, after the book by Olov Svedelid)
Currently listening to: ---
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting Kajsa, STUDIES!

Getting Back On Track

Wow, some tough days now ...
Yesterday was really terrible - it started out okay, but as the day progressed, things got worse by the minute!! No matter what I did, it turned out wrong - and I did try, I did not slip back into this passiveness I have been in before, I really did try ... and for everything I did, I ended up feeling worse ... I really hate those days!
Finally, at about 4 p.m. I gave up - so after that pretty much nothing happened at all!

This "morning", I woke up at 3.30 with a splitting headache, actually the worse one in quite some time. I had serious problems just getting out of bed, but I managed to get to the sofa and start some 'treatment'. I didn't get rid of the pain, but it eased enough for me to be able to go back to sleep (on the couch) ... I fell asleep at about 6.30 and slept for two hours - only to wake up with an even worse headache!
Once again, I tried every cure I could think of, but didn't get rid of the pain until it was around 12.30!

Since then I've been trying to get back on track, I have gotten at least some studying done which is a good thing, right?! :)
I'm actually very happy and greatful because I feel that despite these 'bad' days, I haven't fallen back into the destructive mood I was in before! I'm not saying this will last forever, but I truly am very happy that I get to feel the way I do right now!
I'm not dancing on the clouds, I have quite a lot of worries - most of them regarding Uni, but others as well - but I don't feel so completely low that nothing in the world matters, and that is just great!! Even though things are tough, I at least feel that I am willing to try to deal with them - and that's certainly an improvement from how the last weeks have been!

As you see from the picture, I have made yet another failed attempt at catching the sunset! How come it's always cloudy at the beach at sunset?! No matter how nice and sunny a day has been, come sunset there are always a cloud bank in the Western Sky. Ah well, I guess I'll keep trying. Anyway, I kind of liked the colors in the picture, so I thought I'd publish it here even if it wasn't a real sunset! :)

Oh yeah - if you haven't voted in my "Want Labels?"-poll ... please do so! :)

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nödens handelsmän, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Isprinsessan, (based on the book by Camilla Läckberg)
Currently listening to: ----
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, laundry, cleaning

What An Annoying Day!

Okay, my mood is not as bad as it has been, but it has been a fairly terrible day today!!
You know, the kind of day where everything you try to do turns out wrong!! No matter what I have done, it has been a disaster ... I have felt better ever since I got that terrible scare with Zorro, so I have REALLY tried to get things to work and do the "right" thing today, and it's just exploaded in my face!!
I'm not really in the mood to blog tonight either - sorry about that! But I guess you're not that anxious to read the details of all my mishaps today either!
I'll try to be back tomorrow with a funnier blog entry!!

---------------------------------------
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Nödens Handelsmän
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 1)
Currently listening to: The Breaking of the Fellowship - Lord of the Rings
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies