Okay, today was the day for my big oral exam!! (Which is why I haven't written much here the last few days) I was really nervous, for so many reasons!! One thing was that I felt I was more or less completely unprepared! I've been studying every waking minute these last days, but it's still four books, totally about 1000 pages - not something you "learn" and know in a hurry! I was also very nervous about it being an oral exam! I had handed in a paper as well, but it was evident we would also have an oral exam and discussion ... and for someone suffering from Social Phobia that is not something you can just shrug off. I know I've come a very long way and I'm doing very much now that I wouldn't have a few years ago - but I don't think you are ever "cured" from something like Social Phobia, you just find ways and methods to be able to function in society despite you problems. The third thing that made me really nervous was the consequences of this exam - because if I'd fail, I would actually have to take three full-time courses at the same time ... and a failing grade didn't seem very unlikely!
I more or less "overslept" this morning, and I didn't get up until it was 5.30 this morning. I cannot function without a proper session writing in my private diary so I didn't get started on my last minute studies until about an hour later ... I studied until I was about to go, right before nine (the exam was at 10.15. When I got to the railway station there was an announcement that the train was late due to technical difficulties!! Thanks a lot! I tried to study as best I could, but the train didn't come!! Eventually I had to take the next train, which meant I was in such a hurry!!! I arrived about 10.17 - and the good thing about this was that I didn't have to spend a lot of time at Uni getting nervous!
We went straight to it, and while I was really nervous, I don't think I was as "out of it" as I had feared. It was partly a discussion and partly an examination, in that my tutor both asked direct questions and also interacted and gave his own opinion at times. Lucky for me, we didn't talk much about the book I felt I knew least about ....
After about 20-25 minutes, my tutor asked if I had some last remarks to make, and when I didn't, he said he'd give me a "certificate" that I'd passed ... and I was just stunned that I HAD actually passed!! I got it, and said goodbye - and when I got outside his office and looked at it, it said I had gotten the HIGH GRADE!!!!!!!!!! I had VG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hardly could believe my eyes, I was trying to mentally prepare myself for a failing grade - and instead I got VG!!!! *gasp*
I'm really really really happy about this - I haven't managed to get much else done today due to a serious headache - comes from all the worry and stress of course - but despite that, I'm REALLY happy with my day!
I'm very tired, but I wanted to give you a quick update! I will probably be back and discuss this further when I'm not so tired .... I totally need some sleep now! :)
At last, some graphics:
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Stenhuggaren, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: Isprinsessan, after book by Camilla Läckberg
Currently listening to: Life's A Show - Once More With Feeling (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
My Plans for tomorrow: Run errands, CLEANING, relaxing