What A Morning!!!

Today has been a strange day ... actually a strange morning, but it has pretty much set the tone for the entire day.
As you know from my previous entry, I spent all day yesterday with a migraine, well almost all day anway! I also woke up with a pretty bad headache today - although not a migraine - so I fought hard to try to get better in order to go to my lecture (I have to leave at about 6.45 a.m.). I had my balcony door open (I have a net on the balcony so Zorro can be out there!), as the cold air usually makes my head feels a little bit better. Well, I was doing some last minute checks on the computer before I had to get ready for Uni, when I heard Zorro come barging through the apartment! He can get a bit crazy when the door is open sometimes, so first I didn't think much of it, but after a little while I felt that it didn't quite sound right, so I went to check on him.
And I found him on the floor, cruelly toying with a helpless little baby bird who had apparently gotten through the net on the balcony!!! I was near panic, but I somehow managed to get Zorro away from the bird, and put him in the bathroom! The poor little birdie was terrified, I didn't know who badly hurt it was, it didn't look like it could fly at all! I tried to get a hold of it, I had to get it out of the apartment at least, but when I was just about to grab it, it actually managed to fly away!! Good news was, it didn't seem to be very injured, the bad news, it disappeared completely!! I opened the balcony door completely and went looking ... no little bird!!
Eventually I let Zorro out, hoping he'd find the bird for me ... no bird!! I was pretty certain it couldn't have gotten out by itself so I kept looking, and Zorro went crazy because he could smell the bird all over the apartment (not to mention all the feathers everwhere). This took quite some time, me trying to check on top of bookcases, inside wardrobes etc, but no bird! Finally I heard wings flapping, and Zorro went mad! Before I knew it, he had captured the bird again, this time on the kitchen floor! Once again I struggled to get him away - into the bathroom - but I could hardly get near the bird before it flew away! I thought it would feel the draft from the balcony and head out - ooooh noooooo .... instead it kept flying around my apartment like crazy, with me behind it trying to direct it toward the balcony ...
I won't bore you with even more details, eventually I opened a window as well, and the bird flew out - more by accident than anything else, but still!
At this point my headache was quite severe and I also realized that I had missed the latest bus I could possibly take to get to Uni ... thanks a lot!!
I'm definately not blaming Zorro in any way, he acted on instinct and nothing else, but it was still very annoying and quite an ordeal!

Had a quiet day today, it took most of the day and a lot of sleep to get rid of the headache!!

I will try to add my digi-scraps now, hopefully Photobucket will let me log in to my account today! :)

Jessica's Websites

Feeling Numb!

Right now I am feeling very numb! I went to bed last night with a headache, which is never a good idea for me. I woke up with a headache that in about an hour had turned into a migraine! I soooo hate them!! I know there are special migraine pills, but you need to see a doctor for that, and I am determined not to see a doctor until I'm practically dying! (I know I'm stupid, but I have SUCH a fear of doctors and hospitals and everything connected to it ... and even though I'm moaning about my migraines here, I'd rather have the seering pain than see a doctor - call me stupid, but that's the way I am!)
Anyway, at the moment I'm working my way through every possible pill avaliable at the pharmacy, so far, nothing has helped! I couldn't get up at all until it was about 3 p.m. and since than I haven't had the energy to do much - also, the feer of the headache returning makes you take things rather slowly!

Unfortunately, I missed lectures, and everything feels like a giant great mess at the moment! There are a lot of uncertainties as to what I'm gonna do about my exam, and last night I emailed my teacher about it. I think he's a wonderful teacher, but I don't feel I can really figure him out, so I find it very difficult to talk to him! Therefore I had hoped we could solve this mess through email, but he haven't even replied ... I have lectures first thing tomorrow morning, and I guess I'm gonna have to talk to him then, but I really don't want to ...

I tried to get some studying done tonight, but that was very dangerous for my head, so I had to give that a miss. I did spend some time with Photoshop, making some digi-scraps though! I'm still very very new to it, and have had little practice, but here's what I've come up with!

Edit: Thanks to *stupid* photobucket, you won't be able to see my scraps. Aparently I cannot log in any more! *thanks a lot!* I have tons of pics on my account, but every time I type in my password, the stupid things asks me for my password! I logged on to it a few hours ago, but aparently I can't do it now!



Jessica's Websites

Worn Out!

It's not even 9 p.m. and I'm feeling completely dead!! Guess it's going to be an early night for me!
I have had a somewhat strange day, where some things have felt quite good, and other things really horrible!!

I'll get to the bad news first ... the exam! I got it back today, and although it wasn't all bad, I have felt really bad about it all day! It turns out it was graded in three different parts, I had passed one of the parts, but failed two. That in itself isn't so bad, because it means I only have to do the ones I failed again. The major problem is that it's a mess about when to take it again! I find it rather difficult to talk to our teacher too, so I'm thinking of sending him an email to see what I can find out ... the problem is, if I have to retake this exam - in whatever form it may be - soon, I probably will miss the course I'm on now!! It's so intense, and for the first time during this semester I can at least almost feel like I'm keeping track of things, I'm preparing what I'm supposed to prepare, I show up for lectures etc ... so should I just throw that away to study for this exam now? I think it's impossible to do both, so that's not an option! But it isn't easy to choose which one to go for either ... *sigh*

Some good news though. Regarding the group project, it's pretty much settled. I found a girl to work with, we decided on what text to work with, we've told the teacher, and we've set a date for when we're going to actually do it! So that at least is one thing less to worry about ... except of course for the fact that it's an oral presentation - and I don't like them!! I know I did a number of them last semester, which was great, and I think that's taken some of the panic away, but still, seeing as I haven't coped great with this semester, it's still a worry!

Even better news: SWEDEN's in SEMI FINALS in the the Hockey World Championships!! *yay*

We played against Slovakia tonight and it was really a great game! Sweden was in real trouble sometimes, so it was quite exciting! Though I have a hard time getting used to all the foreign players we have in the Swedish League, that are now 'the enemy' .... a good example came tonight. When it was the Swedish Leauge Finals here a while back, my team didn't make it, so I had my eye set on a team called MODO ... their goal keeper was none other than Slovakia's goal keeper tonight, Karol Krizan!! So a little while back, I kept cheering for him like crazy in the Swedish finals - now I only cheer when the puck ends up behind him! *lol*

The ice hockey game improved my spirits a bit, but I have to say that I am very worried about this whole deal about the exam! I guess I really should send that email to my teacher, trying to get to the bottom of what will happen now ... I hate it when things are this confusing ....

Jessica's Websites

A Really Long Day!

Today feels like it's been going on forver!! And it's not over yet!! It's after 10 p.m. but I still have four Bible verses I need to translate ... *yawn*
But I guess I should start from the beginning ...
Lectures early this morning, I felt pretty awful after yesterday and had a really hard time actually getting there. When I did, I met a girl with whom I had earlier discussed a group project we have to do during this course. We've been missing eachother for weeks now; every time I'm there, she's not and vice versa. I wasn't sure she'd still want to do it, but she did, so we'll settle on what text to work on tomorrow. This is something that has been worrying me a bit, so it was very nice to get it resolved. Lectures worked out, but I'm still having a hard time coping ....
The others had gotten their exams back yesterday, but me and another girl weren't there, so during the break we asked our teacher - and it turned out he'd forgotten them at home! So now I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out if I passed or failed ...

After lectures I stayed and studied for a couple of hours before meeting my mentor at noon. We had a great time, she's agreed to take care of Zorro while I'm up north for the Christening, so there were a lot of practical details to run through! I am looking forward to the trip, no doubt about that, but I have a strong feeling this is the most complex trip I've ever made!
Anyway, after I had sorted most of it out with my mentor, I went to check on how to rent a car. I will rent a car for 24 hours, so I can drive Zorro to my mentor - she lives a fair way from me, and to spare Zorro being dragged on two city buses and a train, I thought I'd rent a car and drive him. That actually went very smooth, so I booked the car there and then.

By the time I got home I was truly exhausted - only to find that the tickets for the train I was planning to take were sold out! Thank you very much!!
Now I'm gonna have to take a bus, which has both good and bad sides. The good news is I don't have to rush, meaning I'll be able to stay a bit longer with Zorro and help him settle in. The bad news is I'm not at my family's until half past midnight!! Talk about a long day - I'll leave home at about 6.45 in the morning, and won't stop until I'm at my Dad's, which will be about a quarter to one at night ... *yawn - again*
Ah well, I guess I'll survive that as well.

Time flies, and I really should try to get those four verses done before turning in tonight! Wish me Luck!
Take care!


Jessica's Websites

A Really Really Bad Day!

Today has been awful!! I have soooo many things to do right now, and I ended up with a headache that left me lying in bed all day long!! *sigh* I could hardly function at all before 5 p.m. this afternoon - meaning of course that I missed lectures today, and the headache have been bad enough so that I haven't been able to study at all!
I have to go tomorrow, I just don't know how I'll manage it! Since last week was fairly chaotic, I'm not sure exactly what it is we're supposed to prepare for tomorrow either, which of course makes me feel even worse.
On top of the whole Uni thing, I have a number of things to try to sort out about my trip, meaning I won't be home until late tomorrow, which in effect also mean that I'm probably gonna be unprepared for Wednesday's lecture as well!! I think I could take it at one time, I mean, I can say that I'm unprepared - after all, I have been sick - but I can't say that all the time, now can I?

I really shouldn't be writing here at the moment, because I'm in a horrible mood, and I mostly feel like buying a one-way ticket for Australia and never ever come back ...

Didn't improve my mood that Sweden lost their game against Russia tonight either ...

Guess we can all hope I have a somewhat more optimistic entry to make tomorrow night, right?

Seeya!


Jessica's Websites

Goooo SWEDEN

YAY!!!! Sweden just won their game against Finland - the two of them are rivals from way back, so this was a nice win! Just 1-0, but hey, that's enough, right?! :)
Sweden's game wasn't THAT great, but our goal keeper Johan Backlund was fantastic! Especially the last few seconds were soooo tight!!!

I've spent most of today studying! I'm at least going to try to follow this last part of the course this semster, and hopefully pass my exam on June 7th ... but it's so much work I'm nearly drowning! Since we had cancelled and moved lectures last week it feels like everything is pretty much a mess, and it's hard to know what we have to prepare for each day ... and it's a lot!! I know it's supposed to be hard work, and I can't protest against that, but I'd like to feel like I've accomplished something!! If I sit and work for two solid hours, at least I want to feel that I've done something, that I can put some of the work behind me - instead I see that I've covered maybe 1/4 or everything I need to prepare for one lecture ... *sigh*
Since we had to make up for the missing lecture last week, we have five lectures this week - one every single day!! And next week I'm going up north for my sister's Christening, there's so much I need to arrange and sort out for the trip to work, I don't know how I'm gonna do it!! There's simply not enough hours of the day - and I'm noticing as I'm getting older that when I'm studying full-time I can't make do with two or three hours sleep a night ... *sigh again*

Okay, this turned out totally depressing - sorry!! I am happy that Sweden won the game tonight, and I'll try not to be too crazy about the studying! I don't have to leave until about half past eleven tomorrow - we have lectures at 12, so I should be able to get some hours work done then as well.

Take care!


Jessica's Websites

Celebrity Meeting!

Yes, I had a "celebrity meeting" today!
If you have read my previous entries, you know that a well-known Swedish author called Camilla Läckberg is currently on a signing-tour for her new book, "Tyskungen", and I was going today! It was really a great oportunity, my Mum introduced me to her books during Easter holidays, and I read the first three on the spot. I read the fourth one during the last few days, and now she was releasing and signing the fifth.
It was not all joy though, because struggling with Social Phobia means these things are not easy to do. Since I have been feeling bad for the last couple of months as well, I hardly feel up to new challenges either, so this was quite straining. Since public transport isn't the best on weekends, I was at the mall where Camilla would be at 2, her signing would start at 3.30!! The waiting was probably worse, because it's hard to deal with high levels of anxiety over a long period of time. I didn't have much choice but to manage - but when it was 3.30 we were told Camilla would be late (or "told"- there wasn't a lot of people and I pretty much overheard the staff of the bookshop talking about it!), which didn't surprise her. I'd checked out her schedule, which was totally intense, she'd pretty much needed a helicopter to get around to every place she had to be!
At about a quarter to four she came rushing in, apologizing for being late! She was so nice and friendly, and seeing as she'd been on the move since 10 in the morning, signing books in four three different places - and done some travelling - I found that quite remarkable! I was quite insecure as to how this was done, so I kind of just hung around ... it was not a lot of people, so Camilla took her time, talking to everybody and being really friendly! Eventually I joined the line, and when I reached her, she was so nice! I told her I'd just finished reading the previous book, and she pointedly told me (in a very friendly way!!) that I was "cheating", since the procedure was that you had to wait a year between books! :) :)

This was a really nice experience, and I have to say that I'm very happy about having gone through with it. The way I've been feeling lately, I haven't managed to take on any challenges besides Uni, but I'm really happy that I did today! :)

I spent over an hour waiting for a bus home, but I didn't mind much! The friendly conversation with Camilla was still fresh in my mind, and it also gave me an oportunity to start reading the book! :) :)

For a change - this has been a really good day!!

Take care!


Jessica's Websites

Weird Day ... and weird mood ...

Today has been mostly very strange!
Since yesterday's lecture was cancelled, most of the students I talked to seemed to think today's lesson would be cancelled too ... I kept checking the internet all morning - not getting anything done in the way of studying - but no updates! The problem was there really was NO update, so the message that was on the website yesterday was there today ... which said that "tomorrow, May 4th, lectures have been moved to 2 p.m." - what 'tomorrow May 4th', that's TODAY!! Since there was no update I didn't know if it had been cancelled or not ... so I had to get going despite a horrible mood.
Turned out we were having lecutres (the problems were due to our teacher having surgery all Wednesday and apparently had complications and had to be hospitalized, he was only released this morning!) ... but there were only 6 students there!!! That felt kind of weird ... and at four times during the lecture, the teacher asked one of us to read and translate!!! *gasp* Now, I HAD prepared these verses, but despite that, I had severe anxiety attacks every time he asked. He didn't ask me, but I realize it's just a matter of time before he will ... and I don't know how or if I will cope, and what will happen when/if I don't cope ... *sigh*
I just HATE my life right now!!

Everything seems to be happening at once - that's usually the case! I really feel that if I should do anything with this semester, I have to really put an effort into this part of the course - make sure I am prepared, try to use anxiety-reducing methods to be able to go to the lectures etc. This of course takes a lot of energy and a lot of time to deal with.
I also have to arrange for a trip north to visit my Dad and his family! There will be a Christening of the youngest in the family on May 17th and naturally I have to be there for that. It isn't that easy though, because I have to make totally new arrangements for Zorro (the woman who usually keeps him ... well, let's just say it didn't work out at all last time, so I'm gonna have to think of something new), and of course it's a long trip and it takes quite a bit of organization!

There are also other things going on - some really are very good, but that doesn't stop me from feeling anxious! Well, first of all, there are two rather difficult letters I have to write, and that will take both time, effort and energy to do in a correct way. Then, tomorrow, I'm gonna try to go to this book-signing thing, and I'm totally nervous about it!!!
I have recently discovered this Swedish author named Camilla Läckberg, I think she's wonderful, and I just LOVE her books ... so I really want to go to this signing event, but I'm totally freaking out!! I have never been to one, so I haven't gotten a clue as to how it's done - which is never a good thing. I've never been good on "take things when they come", I would much rather be able to prepare in advance!
Also, when I come back from my family, I have been invited to dinner the very next day! It will be me and two other girls I've been studying with. I really really get along well with them, I like them a great deal, and I'm very happy that we are able to stay in touch, but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm very nervous .... guess I just can't help myself right ...

Oh my, I am babbling tonight ... sorry about that! ;)

See ya!





Jessica's Websites

Not According To My Plans ...

Today turned out to be a bit different than I thought ...
I got up early and managed to stay fairly focused and get quite a lot of studying done. I mean, you can always do more, can't you, but at least I prepared what was on the schedule for today's lecture, and started on tomorrow's.
I went into Uni, and as soon as I arrived I saw two students from my course. At this point it felt natural to walk up to them - which is a good thing, definately - so I did ... and I was greeted with the words: "The lecture is cancelled!"
Eh ... okay ... I knew that our teacher had spent pretty much all day yesterday in surgery, but he had assured us he would be fine ... We didn't get any explanation, but were told that tomorrow's lecture had been moved forward from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. ... so I'm guessing things aren't that great with our teacher - and there's every chance tomorrow's lectures will be cancelled as well. I totally wouldn't mind that (duh!), because I always work better when I don't have to work against a time-stress-factor all the time, but I also know that we must have these lectuers at some point, meaning the workload the upcoming weeks will be much harder .... I still wish I could get a "home-day" tomorrow, becuase not only do I need to study, it would also be great to be able to relax a little, and catch up on things like cleaning and doing laundry.
The last notice on the website is that tomorrow's lecture is on at 2 p.m., but I'll certainly be checking it all through tomorrow morning.

Luckily for me, I didn't have to stress much this afternoon - which feels great!! I'm really SO tired right now, so it feels fantastic when I can relax a little without a guilty conscience! :)
I've worked a little on my new internet project, and I've also watched the Ice Hockey World Championships, where Sweden beat Denmark by 5-2 ... *yay!*

Unfortunately I've been fighting against a pretty severe headache all afternoon, so I'm gonna turn in early tonight - I need to get a lot of studying done tomorrow morning, since I have to assume that the lecture is on!
Seeya!


Jessica's Websites

Exam's Over!!

FINALLY!!!!

I know I really shouldn't feel happy about this, because I'm very sure that I have failed the exam! But I just can't help myself ... I actually feel like I have come up with a strategy that has potential to work for the next course, and since everything about this course was such a mess, I'm just glad it's all over. I know I will have to take this exam again, but it will probably not be before late-August, and at least I'll have some chance of "recovery" first!!

I have actually spoiled myself a bit today, and not done any studying at all. We have lectures tomorrow, and we have to prepare quite a bit, but I don't have to leave home until 1p.m. so I figure if I get up fairly early, I'll be able to make the preparations tomorrow!
It's been wonderful to be able to take it easy, tonight I watched the Ice Hockey World Championships, where Sweden beat Switzerland (6-0) and I've also spent some time working on my little project! It looks like I might be able to pull it off, but I still won't guarantee anything ... :)

Take care!


Jessica's Websites