Thursday, 7 February 2008

Glad It's Friday Soon!

While I'm still enjoying my new very hectic and intense life, I can't help but be happy about the weekend coming! Since we have lectures at 8 a.m. Tuesday-Friday, the early mornings tend to get to you toward the end of the week. I have a rather special, and lengthy, morning routine that I simply cannot give up, no matter what the reason, but with these early lectures that means I have to get up at about 4.30 ... which gets kind of tough after a while!

Today was a very intense day, so I have actually not studied that much this afternoon. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it, because I'm starting to realize - after having a lot of people telling me not to take on too much! - that I can't keep at it 24/7, I'll just get way to tired and end up doing nothing at all.

Hebrew lecture first today, 8-10. These lectures are very intense right now, we're going through a lot of grammar every day, today we covered about 90 verb-forms, and tomorrow we'll go through 60 more ... we go through everything very fast, so you really need to be on top and very awake and alert to really grasp it!
At 10 I had a lecture in Old Testament, where we mostly covered the Exile (587-539 B.C.) and the events and theological thoughts surrounding that. I enjoy the course a lot, and I learn a lot, but there are a few things about it that isn't quite perfect (sorry about being vague, I guess those of you who know me will pretty much figure out what I'm talking about, and I don't feel comfortable spelling it out in a public blog ...), and that makes these lectures a bit harder than they really should be.
We were finished at 12, and then I met Johanna for lunch! It was really great seeing her again, and it was wonderful to be able to sit down in peace and just talk for a while! Mostly we meet at the Department and there are meetings or lectures or appointments and you mostly only get to cover: "Hi, how are you?" before one of us has to go! We had a lovely lunch, thai-inspired, and I'm completely new to all that, so it was very exciting indeed!!

I got home at about 2, but was completely exhausted, so I actually managed to get about 1½ hours sleep - which was SOOOO nice! :) I have had a headache most of the night, not as bad as it could have been, I have been able to function, but annoying enough ... I have prepared the Hebrew sentences for tomorrow, but other than that, I haven't studied much. Still trying not to feel toooo guilty about it!
But like I said before, I need to wind down sometimes, and I have a pretty easy day tomorrow, and than it's two whole days off ... so I should be able to catch up then, at least I hope so.

I still can't believe I'm feeling the way I do though! I haven't had this much to do in at least ten years and I haven't felt this good ... ever, I think! I'm very tired of course, and I'm not always feeling completely on top of everything, but despite that, I feel GREAT!!! That's a very powerful feeling that I have never quite experienced before! I feel like I belong at Uni, I feel at home at the Department, I have really gotten into the Hebrew group, I talk to almost everyone in the group, today I answered a question in class (which more or less never happens!) ...
And perhaps most of all: I really enjoy what I do! If I ever had any doubts about continuing studies, or doubted my decision to keep at studying and continue to get a Masters-degree with post-graduate studies after that ... those doubts are completely gone now! I absorb every bit of information I can get and I find it SO exciting, SO interesting and SO entertaining! (Some people may - and do! - call me crazy, but I totally don't care!! *lol*) I can honestly say that when our Hebrew-professor runs through the formation of certain verb forms, how they have evolved and what their original form might have been, I find that completely fascinated! So I really feel I found my place and I feel like this is exactly where I'm supposed to be!

I know I'm rambling, and I really don't think I can explain how huge this feeling really is ... For oh-so many years I felt completely alienated from everything in my life, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Uni was worst of course, but the alienation applied for everything except my own apartment, be it I was on a bus or in a store or just walking down the street - I really felt like I was an outsider, an alien, somebody who didn't belong ... and now ... to be able to feel like I completely fit in and belong, to a large Department at a large University where I might be able to get the highest education possible in this country ... that is a feeling that far exceeds anything that could be put into words!

And with those, somewhat dramatic, words, I will leave you for tonight!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Bible
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Hebrew lecture, possible study-date, grocery-shopping, studying, cleaning

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