Saturday, 11 October 2008

A Difficult Entry!

As you may have known, I haven't updated this blog for a while now ... I am not feeling very well at the moment, and that makes it hard for me to write or talk about what is going on publicly.
I did feel the need to make this blog entry though, partly just to let everybody know I'm still around, but also to take this opportunity to tell you why I haven't been online much lately (apologies to Forums, Message Boards and Blog Owners for my absence).

I think this blog is a good way to give these kind of "explanations", even though it might seem a bit rude to my friends and those close to me - I have a feeling they'd rather I actually talked to them about it, but I find that very difficult! I can usually speak about myself and my problems, but I need to have gotten a personal distance to it first, know myself what is going on and why, how I am reacting and why, and what I can do to fix it and to prevent it from happening again. And I haven't quite gotten that far yet.

I don't want to go into specifics, not yet and not publicly, but certain "issues" have come up that has made it difficult for me to handle my everyday-life. What I find very difficult - I don't know if it's like that for everybody or if it's just me - is the fact that once something really bad happens, I tend to need so much time and space and energy that it will have severe consequences for everything in my life, and then these consequences just adds to my problems! If I experience something very difficult, I need to more or less put my entire life on hold until I can deal with that (and we're talking psychically, or emotionally very difficult here) ... unfortunately, life doesn't allow it. Instead my dealing with one problem leads to several other problems, and when I try to deal with them, even more turn up.

I have experienced some similarities to the spring semester 2007, which was a real terror for me, when I was more or less constantly in a depression. I'm far from feeling as bad as I did then, and I do have confidence - knowing the things I do from that experience - that I will be able to sort this mess out somehow ... but an alarming amount of thoughts and emotions from that time seems to manifest themselves with me now - and naturally that has me worried and makes me feel bad.

Like I said, I have confidence I will work this thing out, but I don't know how yet, not how to practically work out the practical problems I have encountered, and not emotionally, working out the emotional problems I have.
As for this blog, there might not be updates every day, but hopefully I will be able to pop in every now and again, and I'm hoping for daily entries again when I'm feeling better.
As for those people close to me, I hope you can understand and respect what I'm going through, and if I am a bit on the quiet side, or won't talk much about myself, I hope you will accept that. It's not that I'm doubting you or don't feel I can talk to you all, but I know myself that I cannot talk about personal things with others, until I have figured them out myself ... and as of yet, I haven't ...

I know this entry is very vague and not very alike my other entries, but after reading it, I hope you all understand why. I will deal with this, but because I am a very "thinking" and rather inward person, I need to deal with it myself first ...

My Best Wishes For A Great Weekend For Everyone!

Pic of the Day:


I had a lengthy conversation with my Dad yesterday, naturally about my adorable sisters, who apparently are growing a lot now. Therefore Pic of the Day will be one of my favourite scraps of them! :)

7 comments:

The Darkest Night said...

hey sis...i'm so sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time..if there's anything I can do, or if you ever feel like talking just give me shout... take care!!! *HUGS*

storschan said...

Hejsan! jag finns kvar när du är beredd att komma upp till ytan igen. Kommer du vara i Lund under veckan? Imorgon eller på tisdag?

Jessica said...

the darkest night:
Thanks! I really hope I can start working my way out of it soon ...

storschan:
Thanks! Kommer att vara i Lund imorgon mellan 10 och 12, och även på tisdag fast konstiga tider - föreläsning 8-10, ska träffa Tomas kl 10, sen ska jag iväg men kommer tillbaka under eftermiddagen (vet inte riktigt när) och har uppsatskurs 16-18 ... hoppas vi ses nåt ...

Dakota said...

Thinking about you!
*HUGS*

Jexxie said...

Hej! Tänkte ställa en fråga som inte alls har med ditt inlägg att göra; jag har en hemsida för bowlingklubben som jag är medlem i (http://rollers-bowling.blogspot.com). Min fråga rör hur jag lägger upp ett worddokument (som jag gjort om till pdf) på hemsidan. om du går in och tittar på hemsidan så kan du se under rubriken INTERNA TÄVLINGAR, och sedan under BLANKETTER att de som finns där går att trycka på och kommer upp som en internet sida. hur jag än gör så lyckas jag inte lägga upp de jag har. det är någon annan som har gjort dem som redan finns på sidan och den personen är inte tillgänglig så att jag kan fråga. hoppas att du förstår vad det är som jag är ute efter. du brukar förklara så bra när det rör sådant här, så jag hoppas att du kan hjälpa mig. Jag brukar prova mig fram och lyckas med det mesta, men det här lyckas jag inte med. KRam JEssica (svara gärna på min vanliga blogg så att jag ser direkt att du svarat). KRAM KRAM

The Darkest Night said...

good luck with everything! I really hope you are feeling better! Thinking of you lots! *HUGS*

Jessica said...

dakota: Thank you so much! I think I might slowly start to feel better now! *fingers crossed*

jexxie: Du har kommentar i din blogg + mail! :)

the darkest night: Thanks sis! I think I'm starting to work my way out of this mess now, I just hope thing will work out and nothing else will come up now ... because it's a lengthy process to get 'back on track' after being down like this ...