Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Back From The Weekend In Hell!

Hello again!

Sorry for the lack of updates here recently, things certainly haven't gone my way lately.
I have been in a four-day-long migraine attack now, which has meant a lot of bad things for me personally! First of all, I missed Lena & Tobias' wedding!! *sobbing* I was soooo happy to get an invitation, and I had really been looking forward to it - even though I was nervous as well ... and my migraine started on Friday afternoon and on Saturday morning - the wedding day - I couldn't even get out of bed!!! I know these things "happen", but that doesn't stop me from feeling really upset about it! ;(
Secondly, it meant I kind of screwed up my essay seminar!! I was supposed to spend the entire Sunday working on my essay, in order to prepare for the seminar (it wasn't that big a deal, but we were supposed to give a rather detailed presentation of the outline of our essays, and also be able to comment on the other student's in the seminar), and once again: migraine! There was no way I could get any studying done, I was lucky if I even made it to the bathroom - well, almost anyway!
Yesterday, I went to the Department early and spoke to my Professor. I had felt a little better when I woke up, but once at Uni the migraine came back with full strength. I told him what was going on and that I wasn't prepared at all, but that I'd still try to attend. He was very understanding, which felt great, but my migraine kept getting worse and worse.
The seminar started with trying to work out the opposition schedules for the end of the semester, in mid-January, and that turned out to be way more complicated than expected - and I think I got a pretty bad deal there (but I don't have the energy to go into that now, more on that later on), and by the time we were supposed to start our presentations, I was so far gone with migraine I could hardly hear what they were saying.
In speaking to my professor, I had sort of thought I'd be excused from actually participating in the seminar, and while they didn't "demand" I comment on the other students, it became obvious I had to at least give my own presentation. You know, the one I was supposed to have prepared the day before and hadn't... I actually didn't have a single note on my own essay, so the fact that I spoke at all is pretty incredible to me. Now, I was more or less semi-unconscious, so I have no idea whatsoever what I actually said - or if anybody understood it - but at least I explained why I was so out-of-it so I hope they understood ...

I stumbled home as soon as the seminar was over, and at times like these I really hate having to travel to and from Uni. In effect, it took me 1 hour 15 minutes to get home, and with that severe a migraine, it felt like it took forever. I spent the rest of the day eating pills and staying in bed, and actually, the migraine subsided, and during yesterday evening I could actually walk around the apartment with only a "normal" headache!

This morning, I felt the headache a little, but it was definitely manageable, which felt great! We had Greek lectures at 8 a.m. and yesterday (when I missed the lecture since it collided with the seminar), today and tomorrow, we will mostly repeat difficult moment, there are rooms for questions etc. and therefore we don't have text to prepare ... which meant all my anxiety was gone! *Yay!* While I'm thrilled about not having anxiety (duh!!), I'm still seeing very clearly how difficult this demand for a "performance" within the group is for me ... and I definitely think that's something I need to work hard at changing - somehow!
Anyway, lectures were nothing since I didn't have to worry about anything, and straight after that we had a mentor meeting! I haven't been to a lot of them *oops* but this one was very rewarding. Our mentor gave us a text, which were similar to the kind of text we will get on the exam, and we aimed at translating it, mostly working in pairs. It worked out really nicely, and I'm quite happy with the meeting.
After that, I went downtown, bought a few books (mostly for the next course) and some lunch, before going back to the Department. I think I got in about 3-3½ hours effective studies in the library, which felt really nice, before it was time for the last lecture of the optional essay-course at 4.15. I really like these courses, there are only 2-3 students (!!!) and a wonderful teacher, so you get SO much out of these lectures!! We talked about opposition today, which was very good for me, as I'm in a true state of panic about that! I got some very good guidelines and hints, but I'm still kind of panicky! Still, I have to wait a little while longer before going insane about something that will take place in mid-Janurary ... right!

The hint of a headache I felt this morning, disappeared during the day, and now I'm feeling on top of the world!! For the first time in what feels like forever, I AM NOT IN PAIN!!! It's just amazing!!! I've been in a tremedous mood all afternoon, and I have energy levels I didn't think possible, after having spent 12 hours away from home! *YAY*

I'm glad I'm back blogging again, I really hope I can keep it up this time! *fingers crossed* With this, I'd also like to say
for neglecting my friends, both online and in real life. I have completely been ignoring Forums and Messages Boards and Blogs, I have been short or practically non-responsive to my friends and those around me lately, and I really am sorry! I guess you know I have a reason for it, but I still can't help but feeling bad about it. I really don't want to ignore any of my friends and those close to me, you are all very special to me and I'm greatful for having the relationships I am now ... so I really don't it to seem like I don't care!
While the next few days to the exam on Friday will be intensly focused on studying, I really hope I will be able to be more pleasant to the people I care about in the future!

Take care everyone!


storschan said...

Så skönt att höra att du mår bättre! jippie!!! När har du din tenta på fredag? Min börjar kl 8.

Jessica said...

Yup, samma här ... *sigh*
Har inte bestämt mig för när jag åker in dock, brukar vilja åka lite tidigare än vanligt för att ha marginaler - idag satt jag fast i Lund helt och hållet, inga tåg gick till eller från Lund ALLS (fick åka den LILLA omvägen över Flädie, Bjärred, Löddeköpinge, Saxtorp och Häljarp för att komma till Landskrona) ... så jag vill inte riskera nåt på fredag.
Men vi syns säkert nåt innan eländet drar igång! :)

Mary Kay said...

Hello..I am sorry you had such pain! Having had migraines all my life I empathize totally. Mine are under control thanks to a good headache specialist..have you seen one?

Good luck and hope you don't miss any other events like weddings.

Jessica said...

Thank you for your sympathy!
This was probably the worse attack I've had ... I know I really SHOULD see a doctor, but unfortunately I have had so many bad experiences involving doctors and hospitals, at this point, I'd probably have to be unconscious before going ...