Wednesday, 27 September 2006

Not Quite Sure ...

... how things turned out today. I have rather mixed feelings about the entire day, so I'm feeling quite confused now!
The lecture in itself was okay, I suppose. The social situation now is better, I fully realize that, but there are still things about how to 'play the social game' (if you know what I mean), that I feel I don't grasp at all. I don't understand the motives, the signs and the way people interact with eachother ... I guess this sounds super-complicated, and I don't really mean it to, I'm talking about social interaction on a fairly base level. More and more I'm feeling that I can cope with the social interaction around me, though not at Uni. There are undercurrents going on there that seems completely impossible for me to comprehend, and that is rather tough ...
Over to the pressing issue of the "group-thing" ... I met this girl already at the train station today, and while we were walking I managed to ask her about the groups. I really should have waited, because things were rather hectic and busy with lots of people everywhere, but it's to late to think about that now. I didn't really want to just jump in and say "Hey, can I join your group? Good, yay, now that's settled" ... that hardly felt like a good solution. So I started out by asking her, had she thought about it at all. The reply I got was pretty much that most of the students in the entire group knew eachother, and that she and three others were more or less given without even really "deciding" it. I guess that makes sense, if you are a couple of friends taking the same course, it's natural that you do group assignments together, you don't really have to talk about it. I didn't exactly feel exstatic after that, but managed to mumble something about me not knowing anyone in the group, and how it's not very funny to do the assignment completely on my own. She was friendly enough, and told me that she thought I could join her group or whatnot ... but it all felt terribly vague and I can't say that I feel good about it all. I can't see the group dynamics working smoothly either, with them three being old friends, and me completely outside that friendship ... Still, I can't help being "happy" (if that's the correct term...) about the fact that I came out and asked her! A while back, I'm fairly sure I wouldn't have done that, so that is good, I know that. But I can't see this group assignment working out in a satisfactory way, that's for sure!

After lectures I was suppose to pick up the tickets for the Musical Highlights show, but it just wouldn't work out! It's a really long and really complicated story, and I don't have the energy to go into it now. I did manage to solve it (I'll pick up the tickets tomorrow or on Friday), but I didn't do as well as I had hoped, so even though I think/hope it will work out now, I can't say I feel great about myself!

Luckily we have no lectures tomorrow, it'll be absolutely wonderful to have a day all to myself. Hopefully I can manage to catch up on some of all the stuff I need to do, at least I hope so! This big theory on "Time for a Change" I had a few days ago ... well, it's still with me, but I find it very hard to really go through with it. I can't say I don't do anything, because I do try, but at the moment, I just don't feel I have the energy to apply myself 100% ...

Okay, finishing off with something a little more positive here, I don't want to sound too depressing. I recieved a nice little package today with the musical dvds: Rent, The Producers and Mary Poppins (Special Edition) ... Nice!! Don't know when I'll find the time to sit down and watch them properly, but at least I know I have something to look forward to! :-)

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