Friday, 29 September 2006

Somewhat Hopeful ...

Today has actually been a rather demanding day, as there have been some major ups as well as downs today. I'm not complaining about the "ups", don't get me wrong there, :-) but it's always hard when things go either really good or really bad ... and in my case, they've done both!

We had lectures today, the last time with this professor. He's really great, so it was a shame to see the last of him. Still, the next teacher we'll get is also terrific, so I'm sure that'll be okay to. There are some frictions in the group of us students though, and it showed itself rather clearly today. The group is rather small, if everybody is present I think we are about 20 students, but today we were only 8 or something. Anyway, there's this one girl there, who's really into religion, she found it herself not long ago, and she's not exactly the quiet type ... to say the least. I've been reacting to her before, because even though she's entitled to her beliefs - of course - she seems very adament to make everybody else believe what she does ... and that is something I have a very hard time coping with. She was rather "pushy" during the lecture today, kept commenting on what our professor said etc, and that felt a bit awkward. I sat next to her, and during the break we started talking. Since I have these major issues about social situations at Uni, I was totally happy that she actually talked to me, and I felt I had to try and take advantage of the moment. I certainly wish I hadn't ... She started asking me about my background and my beliefs, which of course is fairly natural, as we're studying theology. I didn't quite know what to answer though, as I'm not really quite sure what I belive right now. I tried to be "open" to her ideas but kept telling her that I really needed to feel my own way right now, and that I was interested in taking in different perspectives. She replies that there are no perspectives to take in, there are just two choices; either you live with God or you live with Satan. That really struck a nerve with me, because I do have a background in the Church, I was active for a number of years, and I certainly believe something, even though I might not all the time follow the Church's guidelines. But this thing ... she was actually telling me that since I didn't share her beliefs, I am living with Satan!! It really effected me, and it really made me very, very sad! Satan, the Devil, even though I might not be Christian in the strictest sense, is something very evil to me, it's something beyond all the horror stories you hear about all the time, and to hear that I had chosen to live with Satan ... it really hurt me!!
I won't go on and on about it, but it did have an impact on me, that's for sure!
This girl kept interrupting the lecture even during the second half, and I could tell that our teacher wasn't to keen on it at the end, but he's really friendly and very polite, so I guess he didn't want to say anything!

I left right after lectures, as I was still feeling upset. Even though maybe I should have tried to stay and maybe seek some contact with somebody else there, I really didn't feel up to it. When I waited for the train, the girl I usually meet in the mornings were there. She doesn't usually ride that train home, so I was quite surprised, and actually not so happy. When I'm really down, I have a hard time pretending like everything is great, and try to socialize, but she came up to me right away, so I didn't have a choice! We hadn't spoken many words, before she actually brought up this girl herself!! She hadn't heard anything that went on during the break today, but aparently this girl has been going on like this for a while, and more or less everybody is really sick of her! We discussed this all the way on the train, and to my huge surprise, it felt really really good to talk to somebody about it, even though it was someone I don't know very well! I was totally set on writing my diary full about this - and I did, once I got home! - but it truly felt surprisingly good to talk to her. Maybe, since I know more people are a bit anti this girl, I might have a better chance of getting to know the others ... *hoping*

When I got home, I piecked up the tickets for the "Musical Highlights" show on October 8th, and to my great joy, it worked out perfectly!! I got the tickets, for the right show and day, the price was correct ... I can't say I'm spoiled with that at the moment, so it felt like a great relief!

Unfortunately, I haven't managed to do a lot during the rest of the day. I know I have tons of stuff that needs to get done, but at the moment I'm just soooo tired, I just don't have the energy to get on with it!
It feels great to know that it's the weekend now!! I know I have to do a lot of things, and next week is looking very intense, but at least I don't have to get up at 5 p.m., and I can take my time doing things, without having to worry about anybody else.

This day has, like I said, been kind of strange. At first it felt okay at Uni, I "sort of" talked a little with some girls before the lecture ... and then the thing at the break really hurt me and left me sad and down, but then I talked to this other girl on the train and felt a lot better ... 'oh, no, my life is not confusing at all!'

Anyway, I'm off to bed now, as I have a feeling I'm gonna need all the sleep I can get to cope in the future!


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5 comments:

The darkest night said...

Ok..now this REALLY annoys me!

There is NOTHING that annoys me more than people who think they have the right to attack others because of their own faith - or use their religion as a weapon against others!

If your faith can give you strength, guidance, comfort and so on then GREAT! But that is the way religion should be used! It doesn't allow you to subject others to verbal abuse!

That she would say that you "live with Satan" just because you don't completly agree with her view on God and religion is just SICK!!

You have every right to feel sad and upset by this treatment, but I do hope you realize that SHE is compleatly in the wrong here!!

I mean my religion is terribly confused. I strongly believe in God..I really do..and among my family I'm probably considered religious (especially since no one else really has much interest in relgion)...but I don't go to church...like Gavroche "I've never read the bible - but I know that it's true"....and among church-goers I'm probably considered very unreligious. But does that mean I'm an evil person? I don't think so...
I know the difference between right and wrong..good and evil..and I would rather follow God than Satan....but that doesn't really mean I live by the bible either.
We do have freedom of religion here, and yet so many people think they have the right to claim that everyone who doesn't follow THEIR religion will spend an eternity in hell!
It really makes me sick!
A while back someone actually said I will burn in hell forever - because I banned him from one of my groups after several attacks against other members. (and that's not the only time I've had problems with "overly"-religious people.)
I admire people who REALLY are religious and have a strong faith..but there are no people I hate as much as those who think their religion gives them the right to treat others as CRAP!

Sorry..this got kind of violent and personal... I know it's not easy but PLEASE don't let this horrible person get to you! *HUGS*

Jessica said...

Hey!

Thank you SO much for your long comment!! I do realize she was totally in the wrong, but it still feels very very nice and comforting to know that I have support from people around me!

Previously I have tried not to let her get to me, I mean, she's always going on about God, how Jesus is with her in the room, how The Holy Spirit guides her every day etc, and I tend to react to that, becuase to me, religious beliefs are something DEEPLY personal, something that you don't go around and talk about all the time, but I've tried to tell myself that she's just different than me, and if it makes her feel good to go around talking about it, then she should.

Ever since she actually attacked me like that!! From now on, I doubt I'll have any sort of acceptance for her and the way she acts! I mean, if she's happy with it, FINE, but let others believe what they want!!
This girl has to be at least 23-24 years old, I can't believe she's so "stupid" to be frank, that she can't realize that everybody is entitled to their own opinion!
At the end of lectures yesterday she was pretty terrible! We had discussed Carl Gustaf Jung and at the end of the discussion, our professor said something about Jung not being to keep on the eastern philosophies that entered Europe, like yoga and such ... and our professor meant that that was a bit narrowminded - and this girl immediately replies that she completely agrees .. she certainly implied that anyone who thinks anything but Christianity is good, is a complete idiot!

I'm getting over the "personal attack", or at least trying to get over it, but I know I will have a really hard time facing her come Monday, that's for sure ...

The darkest night said...

I agree!

I don't think it's about age though, because I've dealt with similar people who were a lot older than her...I think a certain type of people just think they have right to act this way...which REALLY annoys me!!

Hopefully, once she realizes no one is agreeing with her, she'll change her attitude a bit... because if she's treating everyone like that she can be sure to not get any friends in class! Although there are of course hopeless cases too...well, fingers crossed! *hugs*

Jessica said...

Thanks! I really, really, really hope I can stay as far away from her as possible tomorrow ... though it's hard since we're only about 10 students in the group! I'll do my best though!!

The darkest night said...

Good luck!! *thinking of you*