Saturday, 23 September 2006

Pinpointed The Problem?

Today has been a rather slow day, I managed to get some errands done during the morning, and in the afternoon I watched a very intense and exciting hockey game ... "my" team against their arch-enemys!! Nothing much was at stake really, it's just a regular group play for now, but these two teams are always at each other's throats, they've played a whole lot of finals, so everybody really wants to win! So, the enemies take the lead, and before long, it was 0-3 ... totally horrible! Well, my team managed to come back, and when about 10 minutes of the game remained, it was 3-3! When the other team scores 3-4!! My team fought like crazy and with 9 seconds to go, they made 4-4 ... so they got one point each, which was farily fair ... even though I want my team to win of course!

I have however really thougth about something today! Namely these "issues" I keep having at Uni, how the social situation is so terrible there. I've always had a hard time with social situations, and I got the diagnose Social Phobia ... but this has in some ways felt different. And I think it really is different! I'm noticing on very many levels now that I actually can deal with social situations, in a way that I couldn't before! Okay, it's not easy for me, I still get nervous and I still, on occasion, have anxiety attacks, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was 1-2-3-4 years ago!! So I must be getting better!! I can call authorities, or try to arrange trips, or buy tickets. I can talk to my neighbours when I meet them outside, I can have the occasional chat with the busdriver or a clerk in a store ... so I really really must be getting better.
This "getting better" however, does not apply at Uni. It's like some huge barrier or obstacle that's in my way, and I can't get around it ! When I really think about it, I can see that there are reasons for this. It was at Uni my problems really showed themselves (in the fall of 2001), it was at Uni this whole social situation became acute, and it's also at Uni I feel I have my future! I have still pretty much only started my eduction, and I'm even thinking of moving beyond a Masters-degree and do research, which naturally puts the pressure on. If I'm, at least in theory, going to "spend the rest of my life at Uni" (if you know what I mean ...), I sort of have to be able to handle it.
These thoughts, of course, leads to more anxiety and me being even more nervous, and that only makes the obstacles even harder to get around!!
I'm not sure what to do about this either, because I can't just "forget about the pressures and move on", even though I wish I could. Unfortunately, life isn't quite that simple, is it?
Still, I really believe in the fact that if you are aware of a problem, you can see what the problem is on a conscious level, then you're off to a good start. Things don't solve themselves just because of that, but at least you are better equipped to deal with them!

Okay, now moving away from this rather deep set of thoughts! Can't say that I have much else to write about, but I did managed to make a siggie/avatar set this afternoon ... take a look:




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5 comments:

The darkest night said...

To me it sounds like you're moving in the right direction...so way to go sis! *hugs*
(again I would say the "T-word" applies *lol*)

Jessica said...

*lol* I think you're right ... though I do have a hard time for that "T-word" ... especially when it comes to things that I feel are making an impact on my entire life, and my future ... Still, it won't make it any better if I keep getting upset about it, I suppose!

The darkest night said...

I understand...but slow is good..*lol*
Just hang in there...and be proud of how much you've accomplished already! *hugs*

Jessica said...

Thanks sis, I'll try! :)

The darkest night said...

Good girl:)