Thursday, 12 June 2008

So This Is It!!

Not quite sure what to say or do right now - I can't really grasp that I'm here ... I've completed the last exam of the last course of this semester ... I just seem to stare out into thin air right now, not knowing how to feel or what to do! :)

To put you all to ease: I passed!! *happy now*
Though unfortunately it's not happiness straight up ... because even though I did pass (though no high grade: VG) I'm really not happy with my own performance! I had no idea how the exam would be done, and I couldn't really cope with the way it was done ... I missed a lot of things, I was totally nervous and freaked out and felt stressed like crazy - which made it all sooo much worse!

Okay, a little boring details, so you'll know what I'm talking about! :)
Part of the exam was about 20 pages of Hebrew text, and I was unsure of how to work with this. I did translate all of them, analyze all the words, and then retypted them all - and I felt okay with it. I knew I didn't know all the words, far from it, but on the basic course almost no effort is laid on words - it's all grammar. I think that for the last exam, after an entire semester's studies, students are excepted to have a vocabulary of about 60-70 words, or something like that - and I knew I knew far more than that.
And at the exam, all that happened was, I was given the text (2-5 verses at a time) and just told: "Translate!"
Shy Needless to say, I was totally stressed out, and if at first sight I didn't recall a word, I just froze up ... it felt really terrible!! Especially since I felt like I did know at least some of it - I knew it at home, but couldn't for the life of me think of it when I was there. There were also some questions on litterature - and I felt like I was talking completely out-of-the-blue regarding everything ...
All in all - I wanted to make a good impression, and I can safely say: I didn't!
Well, actually, let me modify that, with a though I was working on this morning, before heading off to Uni. I do want to make a good impression, absolutely! Earlier though, that has been the same thing as "knowing things". If I have been at Uni and people have noticed I have a lot of knowledge, I've made a good impression! And that may be true, but I think it's more to it than that - in the way that I actually can make a good impression on someone at Uni, even though I don't know everything I'm supposed to know ... just for being me, a fairly nice and friendly person. It will take some time getting used to that idea though! :)

I know, deep down I do know, that this is the professor's decision - if he think I did well enough to get a passing grade, I shall accept it with a great big smile on my face! :) (even though he's sooo kind, I can't imagine what you'd have to do to actually fail!) And I think I eventually will feel that way too - it's just that since this just recently happened, I have a hard time not looking at my performance and pretty much hating every single minute of it!

What actually was positive, was that when he said we were done, and I got a passing grade, I could talk a little about other things as well - I thanked him for the dinner-evening he arranged for the Hebrew-students last Monday, we talked about that ... we talked a little about post-graduate studies in the Old Testament, as I have hopes of reaching there eventually, and that felt really good ... not least because it was actually me who initiated that ... and I'm really terrible at initiating things! :)

Now I'm in for BIG TIME celebration!! In more ways than one!!

First of all for finishing this semester of course ... and doing it in the way I have! For the first half of the semester, I was officially taking a Biblical Studies course, and at the same time, I followed an Introductory Hebrew course (that I took last spring, but needed to do again, as I felt awful then!) - so I took two full-time courses at the same time. The second half of the semester, I followed - unofficially - the continuing Hebrew/interpretation course, and at the same time did an official Biblical Interpretation course and, also officially, a half-time reading course .... Now, I did slack off a bit on my unofficial course as there was no way possible I could cope otherwise, so I can't say that I studied 250% the last half, but mabye 200% in total ...
Just doing THAT, and making it work, is an effort for me, who's had problems following the regular official 100% courses before!

Another cause for celebration is actually having completed the courses. The Swedish University system is undergoing a lot of changes, but for now, I tend to think in the old system, where a semester was 20 points (was supposed to be 20 weeks of full-time studies). Previous semesters, ever since I got back from sick-leave, I have taken 10-16 points during the semester (I've left some behind me for a while, and caught up on others on re-exams some months later). And this semester, I have not only taken the expected 20 points, I've actually taken 25!!! (since the unofficial corses don't count - but the fact is I "unofficially" took the first exam there, and got the high grade, VG, on it!) Totally amazing!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out another cause for celebration!!!!! I logged onto my student's account, and saw that the Biblical Interpretation had been reported, and I had VG!!!!!!!! I put a lot of effort into the main paper we did, but this was the first course (along with the reading course) I took on Advanced Level, and even though there's always a hope, I hadn't really expected it!!!!!

Soooooo, officially and unofficially I have this semester taken three written exams, one oral exam and one "hand-in-a-lot-of-papers"-exam ... I got G (the regular passing grade) on the oral exam, and VG on ALL the others, meaning out of 35 points I have had VG on 30!!! (though some are unofficial and won't count)
That's really something!!

Wow, this turned out into a looooong entry, way longer than I had inteded ....
I hope I will have the time and most of all energy, to keep writing about other stuff, either today or tomorrow!
Also, don't only check here, but keep an eye on my Swedish blog as well, as I'm hoping to make a number of posts there too.
And the picture blog is as usual updated once a day! :)

Today's Blog Dedication: Though it does feel a bit weird, I'm actually dedicating this blog to myself - for completing this semester in the way I did! :)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 1
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: RELAXING!!!!!! (and maybe cleaning! *lol*)


Dakota said...

Congrats on your VG!! :-)

Jessica said...

Aw, thanks Dakota!
It feels really great!! :)