Saturday, 7 February 2009

Sadness!

I really wanted to write something here yesterday, to try to get back to my once-a-day system of blogging, but there was just no way possible I could bring myself to do it.

I've had some issues regarding this semester at Uni, there has been lots of confusion regarding essays and seminars and whatnot, and I finally felt that it had been sorted out. Granted, there was an exception made for me, which allowed me to only follow the Old- and New Testament seminars, and not the Theology one. I know why I should follow the Theology seminar, and I do accept that, but the fact was that when I planned this semester, and applied for my courses, and had no idea whatsoever that it would be handled like this. When you look at the way I have planned my semester, I don't think it would be possible to follow the Theology seminar (which is quite different to the OT/NT one), I just wouldn't be able to make it work,

I thought I had cleared all of this with 'my' professor, but toward the end of last week I realized I was still on the Theology seminar mailing list. I felt like I should take my responsibility and once and for all clear this with the Theology professor as well. My OT professor had talked to him about me, but I haven't had contact with him.
I sent him an email, just telling him what had been decided, and since the two professors had been discussing this, I figured it was actually they who had decided.

His reply was fairly devastating ...
He basically told me that, while he wouldn't force me to come to his seminar, he felt the whole concept was very wrong. I was going about the essay in the wrong way doing it like this, I was doing a specializing (is that even a word?!) that I am not supposed to with this essay, I was depriving the other students in the seminar my work, by staying away from the seminar.
He called me an unambitious student and indicated that I was being lazy and opting for the easy-way-out by doing this.
And that hurt.
A lot.

I have always been a person who takes pride in her work. I would rather not hand in an assignment, than hand in a bad one. I work hard and sure, there are things I cope badly with - but I would never see myself as unambitious and lazy!! Quite the opposite, I don't like those characteristics and I work hard at not being like that myself.
Ever since I came back from my sickleave I have been working my ass off to make a go of my University studies, and I do want to make a good job, and make a good impression. I want to continue with post-graduate studies, I want to stay in this environment, this is going to be my future ... and hearing that you're not applying yourself, that you don't care, and that you just want to get away with as little work as possible ... that hurts a lot.

It's been rough getting through this entry, I was extremely down yesterday, and I'm still having a very hard time getting something done today! That in itself will be getting consequences, because I should be studing 24/7 right now, if I'm going to cope with this semester ...

3 comments:

The Darkest Night said...

Sorry to hear that sis... I totally understand you are sad about this...

I want to say "to ignore what he said/wrote" but I know that's easier said than done. This person doesn't even know you and has no right to judge you - especially not based on an e-mail!

I know for a fact that he is wrong in what he said, please try to remember that there are idiots everywhere....and not believe in what he said...even if he is a professor that doens't mean he is right in what he said - or that he had the right to say it...hang in there! *hugs*

storschan said...

Jävla gubbe rent ut sagt!!!!!! Jag tycker du ska tala om för jesper parnevik vad han agt till dig, till och med vidarebefordra mailet till honom, för så gör man inte!!!!! bestämmer en sak med någon ochsäger en helt annan till studenten, så fult gjort!!!!
Du har all rätt att ta upp det med parneviken - rättare sagt du MÅSTE det för så här gör man inte.
jag kommer att ligga på dig nu tills du tar upp det med honom. För jag är rasande å dina vägnar! så fult, gement elakt och ofint gjort!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!! LOVA att du patar med jesper parnevik!!!!

Jessica said...

The Darkest Night:
Thanks sis! I know I should ignore him, really ... there are a lot of decent people around the Theology Department, he just happens to NOT be one of them ... And I guess I rationally know that he isn't really right about this, but since the whole concept of being responsible, of trying hard, of getting the job done, is so extremely important to me, I have a really hard time letting it go ...

storchan
Jag förstår hur du tänker, tyvärr är det inte fullt så enkelt. Jag tror att att det är klart att jag inte ska gå på teologi-seminarierna, men att han ändå tycker att jag är lat och oambitiös och försöker smita undan när jag inte kommer dit ... :(
Jag har också tänkt på att ta upp det, men det är så mycket fighting där ändå, och jag det känns inte renhårigt att gå bakom ryggen på en professor till en annan ...
Men kul är det inte ...