Today has for the most part been really terrible! I had my mind really set on what I was supposed to do, I have tried really hard adapting these thoughts on routine and structure, on just "getting things done" without putting too much thought and energy into them, all of that.
So, despite the fact that I woke up with a splitting headache at 5 a.m. this morning I was hell bent on doing what I had in mind, which was first and foremost going to "work". Now, I can go by two different buses, one 'early' (leaving home right after 7) and one 'late' (leaving home right after 8), and I had planned to take the early bus. Despite hard effort, my headache persisted, even though it started to get better, so I though I'd take the late bus to let my head recover as much as possible. I was totally set on this and getting ready, when all of a sudden my stomach decided it wouldn't go along at all! I'm usually pretty healthy, I don't have problems with my physical health, but I litterary spent the upcoming 30 minutes in the bathroom ... thereby missing the late bus (and there's no other way to go).
Now, I know, I really know, that I couldn't help this - I mean, what could I do? But that's not the point! Wether there is 'blame' or not, doesn't alter the fact that there are consequenses, and the ocnsequenses in this instant meant that I won't be able to go to work for another week ... *terrific*
This really upset me, for some reason I became really sad about it! I guess that is because I felt like I put a lot of energy into really trying to apply these thoughts, trying to change a pattern that I felt was very bad, and then because of this, it just didn't work.
Being me and all, these sad feelings completely took control, and I couldn't do anything at all. I kept wandering from the computer to the TV and back to the computer. I felt so sad and so bad, I couldn't bring myself to doing anything, but because I didn't do anything, I kept feeling worse and worse. Not a great concept, that's for sure!
Then for some reason - and I have absolutely no clue whatsoever - which is kind of frustrating - it turned around! About 5 p.m. this afternoon, it just turned around. I cooked dinner, I replied to a number of emails I had been neglecting for a long time, I cleared away a lot of stuff, I cleaned most of my apartment, including scrubbing the kitchen (which for some reason I really hate!) ... just like that!
That, of course, was great, and I do feel a lot better now, but that doesn't change the fact that it's frustrating not being able to figure out why I have these 'changes'. If I knew that, I could work hard at getting them a bit more often, but they just ... happen ...
Guess I am a strange person, right?! :)
I am feeling much better now, and I'm hoping - keep your fingers crossed too - that no disasters will happen tonight or tomorrow morning, so that I can go ahead as planned tomorrow morning. I'm planning on studying at Uni tomorrow morning - though I still haven't heard from my tutor which makes it difficult to know what it is I should be studying!!! - and then I'll have to hunt for a housewarming present for Johanna and Per, I'm going to their new apartment on Saturday, so I'll start looking for something nice tomorrow!
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Goodbye California, Alistair McLean
Currently watching: The Simpsons
Currently listening to:
My Plans for tomorrow: Studying, library, shopping ...