Sunday, 4 May 2008

Gathering My Composure!

Sunday night is good for reflections deep thoughts, right?! ;)
Seriously though, while I haven't gotten as much studying done as I had hoped - so what else is new?? *rolling eyes* - I have done a lot of thinking! Mostly tonight, when I went for an hour long walk by the ocean - a great way of gathering your thoughts and hopefully reaching some conclusions.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to change the way my life is right now, I'm really worn out and tired, and very confused and stressed out, but I know I at least have to try!! I have 4-5 (depending on the date for my last exam which isn't set yet) weeks left of this semester - and I have a work-load I don't want to go into - but this is my one single chance of actually finishing this semester in a decent and right way!
I have felt better, mentally speaking, than I think I ever have before in my entire life this spring - a lot of things just seem to fall into place, and since I have had to fight so hard for every little step in the right direction before, this is quite an amazing feeling! I feel very strongly about this, and I know that no one can ever take away what I already have accomplished this far. But since I have been feeling so well and things have just worked out in some mysterious way, I feel very motivated to actually finish this semester in the same way! I'm not saying I'll get VG on every exam I have left, I hardly think that will happen, but I want to give everything I have to complete this semester, to not postpone things, to hand in assignments and do my exams ....

And if I am going to be able to that, I'm gonna have to study something like 20 hours a day for the next 4-5 weeks ... and that's where the problems lie of course ...
It's not that I don't mind studying really, since I am very interested and still feel very motivated - the problems are:
  1. I am really really tired, which means I have serious difficulties in concentrating and keeping a focus on what I do for more than a few minutes ...
  2. The work-load is enormous!! I have to translate - and learn, I think (?!) - over 200 long Bible-verses (Hebrew), and I have to read about 1500 pages of litterature, do one oral presentation, write 2 papers (minimum 4 pages each) and write one larger exam/paper/essay .... *gaaaah*
This makes it really hard to just get going and doing it! I usually want to feel like I bury myself in something and then get it done, it's finished, over and I can put it behind me! Well, all these assignments are so big and difficult (both courses now are on "Advanced" level) that I simply cannot put aside 4 hours or 6 hours or even a day, and then complete one project ... and that makes my concentration wander - and things start getting very difficult!

Still, during all my thinking-sessions today I have really come to realize, that if I'm going to have at least one minimal chance of completing this semester in a satisfactory fashion, I'm gonna have to start throwing everything aside, and give 200% of my life in order to get this done.
And I DO WANT to do that - I really do! - I just hope I can keep thinking these thoughts every waking minute of every day for the next 4-5 weeks ... because that might be difficult!

Heavy entry tonight ...
Naturally I had my camera with me on my walk tonight, so here are a few favourites ...:) Actually a lot of photos turned out pretty good, so it was a bit hard to choose! :) (Another favourite has been posten on the Everyday Pictures! blog!)

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: God only knows ...
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 9
Currently listening to: Les Misérables Original French Concept Album
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies at the Department - more studies ....

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