Wednesday, 28 January 2009

What? When? Where? How?

I didn't think things could get more confusing then they already were last week - I was wrong! For some reason, the bad things never stop coming right now, and even though I haven't reached my breaking point just yet, I certainly don't feel well at all!

The weekend more or less flew by without me knowing what happened to it, and when Monday came I was in a state of panic!! I didn't have that much planned, I was attending an Old Testament lecture (in the group where I'm mentor) and I was going to try to find some people at the Department, but I was just feeling AWFUL, so I stayed home! I don't usually just skip things nowadays, but there was just no way I could make it work ...

Yesterday was the worse day of the week (probably) - I always seem to end up with Terrible Tuesdays! I was dreading it even beforehand, and believe me: not much of it got better than I had expected.
I have a hard time explaining it in detail here, at least the first part of the day which involved an essay seminar - as those things are closely connected to our education system, which is undergoing some changes and therefore are confusing to say the least.
The point was, this was a joint seminar of several subjects (but in the new system, all these subjects is ONE subject, which is WEIRD - Old Testament Exegesis and Systematic Theology is NOT the same subject!!), and it nearly killed me!!
I had made a study plan with the professor in the Old Testament, since I'll be doing four individual courses for him - but according to this joint seminar, I had to take one of my essays there, and the way they had planned it screwed up my entire lecture-plan for this semester, and I honestly think that if they force me to participate in the joint seminar, I'll screw up a lot of other courses - because I still have to be at the OT seminar ...
Okay, I'm sorry ... I'm rambling like an idiot, and I'm guessing you don't understand anything right now. Should anyone really be interested in the details - please let me know, and I'll try to make a proper explanatory entry about this alone!

The seminar took longer than expected, so I had to rush to the OT lecture and was almost late for it - it's not good for a mentor to be late! That lecture actually worked out pretty well ... and afterwards it was time for my second mentor meeting ...
I have very mixed feelings about it - I don't seem to be able to get people to come, at the first meeting there were five (they are about 10-12 at lectures) and yesterday they were 4 ... I feel really awful about that, but I don't quite know how to get them to come either ...
The meeting itself I think went a little bit better than last week. I was able to calm down more, which I think created an easier-going mood generally. Though it was still not nearly as structured as would have liked it to be, lots of "general talk" and stuff like that, and I have a hard time finding a balance between small-talk and study-talk! :)

After that was done, I went in search for my OT professor to see if we could have a talk about this whole seminar-stupid-confusing-thing ... but he wasn't there. Instead I managed to locate our computer-guy, I had been asked to get login information from him to a 'mentor-blog' on the Department-website, so I did. Only to find out that 1) I had apparently disturbed him in something important, and 2) I wasn't supposed to come to him at all, because one of the other mentors had all the information so I should have gone to her (but I was in fact asked to come see this guy).
I got the information, but I still couldn't help feeling stupid.

After that I went home with a throbbing headache, and I just feel superconfused and sad regarding everything in my life right now ... so I'm not in a great mood.

Luckily I didn't have to get up that early today, the only thing I have planned is the Department's Kick-Off which is at 6 p.m. tonight. I have never gotten brave enough to go, I was about to last semester, but couldn't find anyone to go with, so I ended up staying at home. I don't have anyone to go with this time either, but apparently the Kick-Off is mandatory for all mentors, so now I have to be able to go anyway. I just hope I find someone I know once I get there, I'll definitely feel stupid if I'm left standing there all alone ...

I really hope things can start to work out soon, because I would like to get back to blogging the way I used to here - and now it all just feels confusing! I don't have the energy to blog as often as I would like, and once I do, I have so much explanation to do, it just feels like really boring entries ... *sigh*

No comments: