Sunday, 11 January 2009

Happy Birthday!

A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my youngest sister, who turns 2 years old today! :)
I spoke to her on the phone today, which was actually the first time! She's never been big on the phone either, some times she's listened, but she's never said anything herself. But today she talked to me, and answered my questions! *cutie*

Other than that, today has been pretty bad. I'm still suffering from my cold - at times it gets better, but then I just find myself completely out-of-it again! And I can't really afford that the way things are right now!

I think I have come up with a solution that should work, so that the consequences won't be too bad, and I guess that's a good thing at least.
Anyhow, now I'm mostly focusing - no, totally focusing - on getting through tomorrow and Tuesday, which won't be easy! I have so very mixed feelings about this whole mentor thing, and that just makes it harder to handle it. Originally I did want to become a mentor, when I saw how the system worked this fall. I knew it would be a massive challenge and at the time, it was just a thought, nothing substantial about it. Later on, things got pretty complicated, with both Greek and the essay, and then the essay not working out so well ... and I decided not to pursue this whole mentor-thing, but wait a semester and see how I felt then.
But when they contacted me and actually asked me if I wanted to be mentor, there was no way I could turn it down. I have worked toward the goal of actually "becoming a person" at the Department, not just someone who is invisible and completely anonymous - and this told me I've come a long way there! So then all of a sudden, the mentor thing was on again.

I still do want to be a mentor, I think it would be fun and challenging and a good merit to take with me - but I'm at the same time completely terrified. I will be the centre of everything, I will lead an entire group (and I have no clue as to how big that group could be!), I will have to come up with activities that work, I will have make sure that what I do actually help these students (otherwise the whole idea is lost) - and I'm soooo anxious about that!
While I'm going to lead a mentor meeting tomorrow, the whole thing becomes painfully real now, because this is actually the start of it all ... no turning back or putting off any longer! *gulp*
It doesn't help my anxiety that I don't know where we are supposed to meet (I know which building, but that's it), or the fact that there will be as many as 30 people there! *gulp again*
I know that I basically do want this, and I do not intend to back down from it (in fact, the 'solution' I mentioned earlier actually came about so as I could still attend this mentor-education!), but that doesn't stop me from being in a state of panic.

I have an early morning tomorrow, and I have a strong feeling I will need some time with my diary tonight as well as tomorrow, so I think I'd better get started on that so I can get at least some sleep tonight!

Wish me luck tomorrow, okay!?


Anonymous said...

I wish you all the luck that exists in the world, and you know don´t you that all flying trafic from the middle to the south of Sweden is cancelled tomorrow and on Tuesday and I have also told the birds to clear the sky so that there will be room for all the positive vibrations I will send.
Hugs from her up north

Jessica said...

Thank you so much! :)
As you understand, it will take a while before I blog about all this, if I ever do ... but just knowing that someone IS thinking about you that much really means a lot!

And THANK YOU for your comment! :) First entry in 10 or something, where it didn't say '0 COMMENTS' ... yay! :)