Monday, 4 December 2006

'Decisions, Decisions'

Another long and rather stressful day today.
I went to work first, and was meant to collect a lot of information for my essay! I had questions to ask, questionnaires to hand out etc. and I got absolutely nothing done!! *sigh* It was not total neglect on my part though, because I got sort of talked into trying to do this project, which kept my busy for most of the morning, but it still feels terrible that I spent four hours there without getting anything at all done for my essay - so that felt more or less like a waste of time! Even though I do enjoy being there, right now my time there has to center around the essay ... which of course it didn't today!

After work I went to visit my mentor, who is a really wonderful girl! Unfortunately, since I feel so low right now, I just feel awful that I can't think of a single positive thing to say - I feel really terrible about that ... so that meeting wasn't really great either unfortunately!

When I managed to get home I realized I definately need to make some decisions about the upcoming weeks and what I will and will not do right now. I've been putting off making these decisions because I can't for the life of me figure out what to decide, what will be 'right' and what will be 'wrong'?? Still, I couldn't wait any longer or it would all collapse ...
So, I've made a few decisions tonight!
I thought I would feel better once I had actually decided something and knew what to work from, but I don't! I still feel really really worried that I've made the wrong decisions and that all Hell will break loose any minute! I also realized that I'd forgotten something rather important today, which means that tomorrow will be completely crazy and stressed out and generally weird! Why can't something work out for me right now?!?!? Everything just keeps falling to pieces and I don't know how much longer I can take that ....

On top of all this - as if that wasn't enough - some old 'issues' have come up and become rather accute now!! I had tried hard to if not forget about them (which probably isn't possible) but at least try to put them someplace in the back of my mind, where they wouldn't occupy me very much! It has worked for a while, but now they've lept forward and are actually occupying a whole lot of my mind ... and I really need to focus on other things right now! Unfortunately, there's not an Off-button for your feelings and emotions, is there?!

I know my blog entries can't be that uplifting to read nowadays and I'm sorry for that - but I can't very well sit here and write stuff that isn't true, right? I'm focusing my blog very much on what goes on in my day-to-day life ... and that means ups as well as downs, right?

I really hope all of you are feeling better than I am right now, because I wouldn't wish this on anybody!!!


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29 comments:

The darkest night said...

Sorry to hear you've had a bad day... :( I hope tomorrow will be better for you!

Those bears are SO cute! :)

And now I'll have the "Decisions Decisions" song stuck in my head all night *LOL*

Jessica said...

Thanks - I really hope this day will work out well too!
Oh, and sorry about the song ...*lol* I bet you'll be humming it all the time now! :) But the title was just far to perfect ...:)

The darkest night said...

Oh yeah...it's still in my head....

I love it!
Do you need it ?
Gotta have it!
How much?
4 weeks allowance.
Do you still love it ?
I don't know, decisions decisions...

Jessica said...

*LOL* Sorry sis ...:)

The darkest night said...

I'll live ;) Better than having the Lisebergbunny songs in my head *LOL!!*

Jessica said...

*LOL* You've got a point there! :D
Btw, did you enjoy the CD?!?

The darkest night said...

Well...a bit hard to tell really..

I mean it's Niklas - so it's cool to have! (and I have to give him credit for really making an effort - even with the silliest songs! *lol*), but it's pretty much songs for children that are VERY simple....I have only listened to it once though, so I can't really judge it yet....

Jessica said...

I sort of get the picture. There are these cd/vhs/dvd:s with PQ from when he was at Playschool in Australia - which is kid show ... aparently he sings the most silly [almost stupid] songs ... I'd still like to have it, since it's PQ - but I can't say it's a real priority ...
So I do understand how you feel about it!

The darkest night said...

*lol* Somehow I have a hard time imagining PQ singing silly childrens songs! *lol* Probably because to me he's Javert..or Peron..

But yeah, I guess the idea is pretty much the same..maybe not a "must-have" based on the music...*lol* but collections are always fun ;)

Besides I must say I'm starting to really enjoy collections that won't become HUGE... *lol*

Oh well, I won't give up in the Lisebergbunnies yet...*lol* In fact I think I'm going to listen to them tonight...who knows, I might get into it.. *lol* At least the songs get stuck in your head very easily ;)

Jessica said...

I know the feeling ... I have a hard time picturing PQ doing child songs as well - but I have seen some images of him ... looking VERY young! ... with a huge teddy bear, and that makes it somewhat easier! *lol*

Good luck with the Lisebergbunnies - some day I'm gonna HAVE to listen to that CD too! *lol* Me curious now! :D

The darkest night said...

Ok..PQ with a huge teddybear..WHY is it so impossible for me to picture that? *LOL*

Thanks! They were a bit better this time actually.. *lol* (probably because I knew what to expect this time...) Yeah you'll HAVE to listen to it sometime! *LOL* For sure the weirdest thing in my Les Miz collection! *LOL* (YES it is in my Les Miz collection..deal with it..I am...*lol*). I can make some soundclips from it if you want to hear?

Jessica said...

*LOL* I can see if I find the picture of PQ with the teddybear if you wanna see it!?!?! *LOL*

Yeah, I think that most stuff that are a bit ... 'strange' ... are better when you kind of know what to expect!
And don't worry about me, I totally know why you place the Lisebergbunny CD in your Les Misérables collection ... eeeeh ... does that mean we BOTH you spend time at a mental hospital or what?!?! *lol*
Thanks for the offer of sound clips - I really appreciate it - but I think I might wait until I can hear the entire CD/songs ... :D After all, we HAVE to get together sometime during the spring, right??!? :)

The darkest night said...

Sure! That would be cool to see !:)

I knew you'd understand! *lol* I mean it's pretty obvious that the Lisebergbunnies belong in the Les Miz collection - right?

You bet! :) We really DO have to get together during the spring!

I like your new pic btw!

Jessica said...

I'll see what I can go about the pic :)

I think it's absolutely OBVIOUS that a CD with the Lisebergbunnies belong in a Les Miz collection - so there!! *LOL*

Glad to hear you like the new pic! Thanks! :)

And YES, we have to work out a way for a visit during spring!!! No arguments there!

The darkest night said...

thanks!

Yeah, of course it is! :) Glad you agree though *lol* (starting to realize why my Les Miz collection is getting big *lol*)

Goodie...we agree again! I really hope we can go see Guys & Dolls also..*fingers crossed* That would be cool!

Jessica said...

*lol* I guess that to TRUE Les Miz fans it would be obvious ... but than again ... some fans may wonder *lol*
Great to know that twins DO understand each other, right?!!? :D

Yay - I'd LOVE to see Guys and Dolls *fingers crossed*!!! Hope we can get tickets!!!!

The darkest night said...

*LOL* you think? ;) Well, I guess quite a lot of Les Miz fans would have to think very hard to find a connection there! *lol'
Yeah...twins HAVE TO understand eachother..that's the cool part! :)

Yeah, I hope so too! I really REALLY want to see it!! I hope there will still be tickets left when we get some money...I think I get money either on the 23rd or after Christmas... (if they don't mess up on my money..AGAIN)....

btw I just MIGHT be able to get a ride with my dad and his friend because they are going to Skåne some time in February probably...not sure yet...and of course depends on when it is..

Reminds me I still need to sit down and sort out all the musicals I "must-see"...and see if I can make some decisions on it..(yup, decisions decisions...*lol*)

Jessica said...

I guess you ARE right ... not a lot of people would think that makes sense ... lucky you and I understand eachother though! :)

*fingers crossed* for Guys and Dolls tickets. My economy is pretty rotten too now - guess we'll just have to hope for the best! Would be great if you could get a free ride though! Let's hope for that too! :)

Good luck with your decision-making on musicals ... I really should do the same ... some day ...

The darkest night said...

Yeah...people are weird! I mean how hard can it be?! You just have to think a little bit...*lol*

You know we should have been RICH! That would make life so much easier :)
But fingers crossed we can get tickets for Guys & Dolls...I SOO need something to look forward to....

Thanks...yeah, I'll need all the luck I can get when it comes to sorting out my musical madness...

Jessica said...

Exactly! Put a little brainpower into it, and it's OBVIOUS! *lol*

Yay! Me wanna be rich!! That would certainly simplify things, that's for sure!!
Guess we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed that we'll managed to get the money and that there are tickets left!!

The darkest night said...

Yeah!! I mean COME ON!! How hard can it be?! *LOL*

Yeah..I would like that too... we could see musicals EVERY day.. aw...

Yup yup...fingers crossed!

Jessica said...

Exactly!! Just think a little, right?! :D

Yay - I wouldn't mind seeing musicals every day!! *dreaming now*

The darkest night said...

Ya-ha! :)

Yeah..that would be cool! I wonder if it's possible to get tired of that? Even if you saw a musical every day... personally I doubt it..but I guess you never know until you've tried it! :)

Jessica said...

I don't think you would be tired of seeing a musical every day ... there are so many different kinds of musicals avaliable now - so if you don't feel up to seeing something 'dark-and-broddy' (like Les Miz *lol*), you could see something like Cats or Avenue Q which is quite different!! That way I don't think you would get tired of it ... but I can't be sure of course ...

Wouldn't mind putting it to the test though!! :)

The darkest night said...

Good point! I think your theory might be true..but yeah, we need to test it! *LOL* That would be cool! :)

Jessica said...

Glad you agree with me!
And YES, we really SHOULD test it! :D

The darkest night said...

Yeah! That would be fun!! :) We just gotta get rich first! :)*lol*

Jessica said...

Yeah, I have got a feeling that's the hard part! :)

The darkest night said...

Probably! *lol*