Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Okay ... Here We Go!

Hey guys!

I realize I will not be nominated for the Best Blogger Awards for my last entries ... the understatement of the year, right?!
I know my blog entries have been short and not very interesting to read, and even though I've suffered a major headache from 9 a.m. this morning to about 6 p.m. I'm at least going to try to really get back into blogging for real now.

Okay, fact of the matter is, I haven't been feeling great lately! I don't have an explanation for it, which is very frustrating, because if you know why things are bad, at least you have a fair chance to make it better. For some reason or other, I have been feeling very apathic lately, and even though I know I should have done things, they have not gotten done. In theory I have all sorts of ideas and great ways of approaching different problems, but for some reason I have not been able to put it to practical use at all - I have ended up sitting in front of the TV instead of doing what I should have been doing.
This of course has purely practical implications, in that things aren't getting done, I keep forgetting things etc, but it's also been very hard on my psyche lately ... I know so well what kind of life I would like to live, how I like my life to be, and while I realize I will have to work hard for that to be, it is hard when I see that days and weeks go by without me doing anything at all!
Today has been really bad, as I've been completely knocked out by my headache ... it never reached the migraine state, but it was enough to keep me laying down all day, which of course made me even more sad and depressed and frustrated about how things have turned out!
I know last semester was horrible too, in all sorts of ways, but at least I knew there was a reason, I knew why I was feeling so bad - this time I don't ....

Anyway ... this was a long - and not very happy - blog entry, but I felt that if I'm going to continue this blogging, I had to come clean about what's been going on. I know I'm being very open and honest in my blog, and that's the way I like to write ... I don't like being very vague (although naturally I can't write openly about everything) and these last blog entries have certainly been vague!
I'm hoping that today was so bad that it doesn't get much worse - although I guess I'm jinxing the hell out of my life only by saying that now! - and that I in fact can start picking up the pieces of my life and hopefully put them together again so they - and my entire life! - will work fairly smoothly again.
Naturally there are no guarantees, there are lots of times during these past few weeks/months I have thought to myself that 'things can't get any worse, things must start to turn now', and of course they haven't. But at least I have to try to think that a change is possible ... otherwise I might just as well give up, go to bed and don't get up again!

Okay, I think I have fulfilled my purpose with this entry now. Part of it was of course to let you know what has been going on, and why my recent entries have been so strange, but I also intended this entry to be some sort of "status report", to clearly and openly and "officially" state that: This is the way things have been and are at the moment, becuase if I can clearly grasp that myself, maybe I am better equipped for trying to change it. I do write a lot in my regular - private - diary, but so far that hasn't helped much, so I thought that maybe if I write about this for everyone to see and read, that might give me an incentive to try even harder to change my current situation!

My head now feels like it's been chopped into pieces - I have no idea if this entry made any kind of sense whatsoever - but at least I feel like I have cleared my mind a little, so I guess it was at least good for that ... :)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the big news! *lol* I think I made a real bargain on eBay today! I have recently been completely obsessed by Stargate SG-1 and tried looking for dvds on eBay. They are not that expensive, and I quickly realized that if I could save enough money to buy the collection box with all ten seasons, that would be even better! I've been looking around, since it's not always easy to find sellers who ship international, and the shipping costs vary a lot (the cheapest shipping cost for the entire box set I've seen was $9.99, the most expensive was $70 ... oookay ...). Anyway, after checking this out for about a week or 10 days or so, I figured that I would be able to get the whole box set for just under $300 (almost all auction ended up there, either by a lot of bids at the last minute, or by high shipping cost), but that still felt fairly cheap for ten seasons!
($300 is just under 2000 SEK, which means every season would cost about 200 SEK ... the first seasons have been released here, and cost 450-500 SEK!!)
Then today, I managed to find a totally friendly seller - he originally wouldn't ship outside the US, but we emailed and discussed and whatnot, and finally agreed - and for the entire box set including shipping to Sweden, I paid $215 ... which is under 1400 SEK!!! SO COOL!

Now I've been writing for ages, I'll finish off with some lovely photos!
The first ones were taken on 7 October - amazing that the roses are blooming so late!!!

And I took these photos last night ... I know they are really blurry, but I couldn't very well use the flash, and I didn't have anything to steady the camera with ....

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Glitter, Olov Svedelid
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1 (season 9)
Currently listening to: Brother for Sale, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
My Plans for tomorrow: Meeting my mentor, cleaing, studying


The Darkest Night said...

I hope you'll feel better soon! Good luck with everything!!

oh and i LOVE the photos!!

Jessica said...

*thanks sis*
Have had a pretty rotten day today as well, unfortunately ... I hope things will turn around soon!
Glad you like the photos btw! :)

The Darkest Night said...

I hope things will get better for you really soon! *hugs

Jessica said...

aw ... thanks!!