Tuesday, 13 November 2007

I Don't Understand!

I haven't had a quite so good day today ... and what's frustrating about it is that I don't know why! I've experienced feelings and emotions from long ago, and I have no idea where they're coming from! This annoys me a great deal, because I am usually very good at determining what is the problem, what the core and cause it, and therefore I have a chance at resolving it ... but not today!

I did get a bit of studying done this morning, though not very much. I had slept very poorly, Zorro kept me up all night for some reason *sigh*, so I was totally exhausted. I went in to town for lectures, and I felt really, really bad!! I had high anxiety levels and feelings from years back - and I don't know where they came from!
I was really freaked out just by being at the Department, and I have really felt okay with being there for over a year now!! I had this sense of total alienation, like I didn't belong there at all (which were the exact feelings I experienced before, and right after my sickleave)! It was really hard - my life is intense enough as it is right now, without having to deal with these kinds of issues - I thought I already had dealt with them!!

With this, and being sooo tired, and the fact that the lectures on this course are VERY intense, I've been feeling kind of low and sad all afternoon today! I'm not completely down, and I don't really feel the apathy from earlier, nor the almost 'resignation' of my entire life I felt then, so I'm hoping this will pass and I will feel better in the morning!

I do have a hard time dealing with the fact that I can't figure out why I felt this way today! I don't really believe it was all a result of how tired I was - because I have been tired before without freaking out like this! I know there's no use brooding about it, but I have a hard time letting go!
I hope tomorrow will be better!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Olycksfågeln, Camilla Läckberg
Currently watching: The X-Files (season 1)
Currently listening to: --
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, lectures

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