Whoa - I thought tomorrow was going to be "Terrible Tuesday", but today hasn't exactly been a piece of cake either ...
I had lectures at 10, and while overall everything felt okay, some things really feel weird and rather hard to deal with. I actually had to read, not just one but two sentences - the second one became mostly just weird, and while I didn't mind that so much, I had very high anxiety levels throughout the lectures. There are also starting to be some tension within the group, and since we are very few, I'm afraid that will turn into something that might be hard to deal with on a daily basis. And I also found out that we're going to do even more of the "unprepared" stuff at tomorrow's lecture ... yay - not! *rolling eyes*
One good thing about this morning was that during our break I met up with a girl I have been studying with before, and we started talking. She just got some great news, and it was really nice catching up. I also met a few other students I've been taking courses with before, and now everybody is saying 'hello' and we can say at least a few words. That would have been so faaaar beyond my wildest dreams when I got back from sick-leave - it's quite an amazing feeling to actually experience it now! :)
I met Lena afterwards, but I felt very stressed out and mostly hyper about everything, so I'm guessing I wasn't that much fun to talk to. I was supposed to stay at the Library and check out some stuff for my essay - I have a personal meeting with my professor, and a seminar with the group tomorrow - but I couldn't focus at all, so I gave up and went home.
The afternoon as just flown by, I have no idea where the hours have gone, but I haven't gotten much done. This day was not supposed to be so bad, and yet I don't feel good at all. I'm trying to write in my diary a lot, to sort things out - but I'm very unfocused and I feel very confused about everything, so it's hard to reach some kind of decision or resolve at all ...
Tomorrow really is "Terrible Tuesday":
Greek lectures 8-10 - with apparently some unprepared reading! *deep sigh*
I have half an hour to check out the library (though I hardly even know what I'm looking for!!) and at 10.30 I'm meeting the professor about the essay. I have a strong feeling I should have done a lot more than I have, but I feel very insecure about the whole thing right now!!
Then I have a "break" until 1.30, when we have the group seminar about the essay. Still not sure what that is going to be like, or what it will be dealing with, but I'm hoping we won't have to present anything for real, because I don't even know what I want to write about yet! *nervous*
And then, I have an optional information course in essay-writing between four and six - and I don't know anything about that either, or who will be there ...
And I won't be home until about 7.30 - AND I have to be at Uni for Greek lectures (and possibly be prepared for some reading or whatnot) at 8 a.m. the next morning .... *gaaaaaah*
I have had definate thoughts on not going tomorrow, because I really feel terrible and I'm not sure if I can cope with all that in one day, when I feel like this. But I also know and feel like it would be very good if I really could go. For a number of reasons. Of course it's good to be there, and establish my position at Uni and in the groups, I need to get started on my essay so I need those meetings etc. but I also feel like I need to be able to get to Uni even when I'm not feeling 100% ... so it would be a good thing from that perspective as well.
I'm quickly realizing I will not be able to "prepare" (either Greek nor the essay stuff) the way I would like to, because I still have a massive diary entry to write, and I have to get up at 4 and it's already 9.30 - but I guess I'm gonna have to let everyone know that I will be more like a zombie than a human being tomorrow, and people will just have to deal with that. Also, that might get me out of unprepared reading in the Greek-lecture. I know I just can't look for ways to "get out of" things now, because I'm gonna have to learn to actually do them, but on a day like tomorrow - and when I'm feeling this bad - I think it'd be okay to try to "get out of" the situations that give me top-anxiety levels at least ...
Okay, I really shouldn't be sitting here now - I should be writing in my diary trying to find ways that will make it easier for me to cope with everything that's going on right now! Wish me luck, okay?! :)
Today's Blog Dedication: To Lena, who patiently listened to me whine and whine and whine and whine today! Sorry about that - and thanks for taking the time to listen! :)
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
Currently watching: 2½ Men
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Greek lecture, essay-meeting, essay-seminar, essay-course!