Thursday, 10 January 2008

Better ... For A While!

I did have a better day today, then yesterday. My mood has been better, and I have at least gotten some stuff done!
Also, a few "problems" seems to have sorted themselves out during the day ... I still can't really start putting things behind me, which is annoying, but at least I can start planning for them ... and I guess that's something, right!
I know that the whole spring will be very intense, with not much quiet time at all, but right now I find it difficult to cope until the reminder of the fall semester is done! There are SO many things that have to turn out in a particular way, and I just hate waiting around for it ... I guess time passes by and sooner or later I'm through these days and weeks as well, but at the moment I'm mostly stressing and feeling very frustrated.

Unfortunately, my mood had a down-turn tonight! I was suposed to print a paper to hand in tomorrow, about a book we've read on the course. We're supposed to make copies for everyone in class and have a discussion about it on Monday ... a few people had already turned their paper in, and when I read theirs, my mood dropped completely! I'm in total despair right now, their papers are really well-written with deep thoughts and connections I couldn't have dreamed of!!!! Right now my paper feels like something that belong in pre-school, and I don't even want to print it ... and certainly not hand it out to everyone tomorrow!!
I can't re-write it either, becuase I'd have to read the whole book over again - 200 pages in English - and I simply don't have the time ... but all of a sudden this has become a huge deal for me!

I know I'm not "stupid", I wouldn't cope with Uni studies the way I have if I were stupid, but I also know that I easily get anxiety and become very stresed out, particularly in situations like group discussions, or oral exams. And then things just lock up, and I freeze, and I feel like an idiot!! Stuff that I would usually understand or be able to respond to, will then sound like a foreign language, I can't say a thing, and I feel ... really stupid!!!
It's happened to me a couple of times since I came back from sick-leave and I REALLY HATE IT!!! So as you can imagine, my mood tonight is not great at all! I'm still considering solving this thing tomorrow - work it out (finding alternate thoughts and find methods to reduce these "bad" thoughts and all my anxiety - and I got some great advice tonight, thanks *winks*) by writing in my diary! The only problem is I have to leave fairly early!
We don't have lectures until 1, but I'm meeting Sara at 11, and they're doing some plumbing work in my apartment building so I won't have any water from around 8 a.m. tomorrow (possibly the electricity will be out too) ... so the question is wether I can work this whole thing out - and print 15 copies of my stinking paper - tomorrow morning before say ... .7.30 ....
*deep sigh*

I think I'm gonna have to though, because right now I just feel terrible, and I know from experience, I don't solve problems very well when I feel like this .... I just wish the next few weeks would be over and done with ....

Finishing off with a slightly mroe positive note ... at least I'm trying, right!? I got a message from USPS today, regarding my Stargate SG-1 box ... where it said "Your item has been shipped from the United States, O'Hare Airport, Chicago at 4.06 p.m. on January 9, 2008 ! Woo-hoo!!! Looks like it's on it's way at least .... *yay*
Swedish TV6 are airing the show now, they started re-runs before Christmas and are about half-way through season 2, and I can't take my eyes off it!!! Definately my favourite show at the moment - I can't wait to get the entire box set!!!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Läckberg & Rudberg
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, meeting Sara, lectures

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