The title pretty much describes my current situation! I'm very happy to be home, in my regular life and all that it means, but fact of the matter is: everything's a great big mess!!! And when I try to sort one thing out, I instantly get five or ten new ones!!
Almost everything right now is centered around Uni, as I have two courses I shall finish and two more (I think?) I shall start, and nobody knows anything about anything! I have set a date for a disucssion with one teacher, for next Tuesday, so I'm trying not to think too much about that, or what implications that meeting will have, until Monday night, but there are still a lot of other uncertainties - along with an enormous amount of work to be done if I'm going to have a least a fighting chance to pass these courses.
I had hoped that one thing would have been cleared up today, but unfortunately it was put off until Monday! *sigh* I missed a discussion of a paper we wrote before Christmas, and I was led to believe we would discuss my paper today! I normally do not like that at all, but I had try to mentally prepare for it today, and figured I could cope, if not well. Then it turned out that there were three of us who had missed the discussion and we would have that, along with a discussion of another paper on Monday instead! I had hoped to put this whole discussion-thing behind me, but I guess not ...
Today I can't complain about my efficiancy level though, that's for sure. I got up at 5 a.m. and I usually spend between one and two hours writing in my diary every morning. I was up and running with studies at about 6.30 this morning, copying a lot of lecture notes from Johanna and also writing a paper on one of the books we're reading now.
At ten I took the train to Uni, where I met Sara!!! Soooo great to see her again - I've missed my friends a lot when I've been gone!! We studied together at the Department for a few hours, but sadly I found out that Johanna was at home, ill!! (*get better soon!!*)
We had lectures at 1, and while some things got a bit clearer than before, not everything worked out. I had hoped to set a date for the horrible oral exam we're supposed to have, but everybody more or less jumped our teacher, and I didn't have the energy to "fight for myself", so I'm gonna have to talk to him tomorrow! I had hoped to get it next Friday, but it seems everybody wants it then, so I guess I'll have to hope for Thursday afternoon instead ...
I had a splitting headache when I came home, despite dinner, headache pills and lots of coffee. It was a few hours during the afternoon when not much got done, but tonight I have at least studied for about 1½-2 hours, so I guess that's something, right?!
I am constantly stressing now, which is very tough, but I still do have a deep sense that what I'm doing is right! I am supposed to do this, this is my life, this is my aim in life, this is what is ME ... even though it's hard and I'm tired and I get anxiety attacks ... it's still MY LIFE - and, I think for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I don't really feel like exchanging it for anybody else's life ... that's a pretty powerful feeling actually ....
My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: The Da Vanci Code, Dan Brown
Currently watching: Stargate SG-1, season 2
Currently listening to: Nothing
My Plans for tomorrow: Studies, lectures