Thursday, 17 January 2008

I Did It - I Did It!

Today was 'the big day'!! My huge oral exam ...
I have written an entry in my Swedish blog - Att leva med social fobi already, so for those of you who read Swedish, you can check it out.

But what can I say about this day? It's been very long and very tiresome and really good, and not so good and fantastic and a bit sad and stressful and great and filled with anxiety. Yeah, that pretty much describes it ... and you don't have to tell me that I am confused, because I already know I am! *lol*

Everything today has turned out pretty much perfect - except one thing. Right now, I'm very emotional, so I have a bit hard letting go of this 'one thing', even though I know I should be on top of the world after this day. I'll try to make a short explanation! (I'm really tired, so I might come back and discuss this further later on)

I passed my course, which is the first news to give - YESSSSS!!! It feels wonderful to have passed and to be able to put this course behind me now!! Also, a lot surrounding the exam - and part of the exam itself worked out better than expected. I got to talk a lot to our teacher, which felt really good. I'm not in any way planning to be his best friend or anything, but any contact with any one within the Department is really great!! Also, I think I did cope with the whole examination-situation is a good way. I was feeling pretty awful, with rather high anxiety levels (about 7-7.5 on a 1-10-scale) for the entire time, which was about three hours, but I did go through with it, right? One thing there though ... which I don't feel good about. Aparently I was one single little question from getting VG (the high grade)!!! He asked me a question, and I recognized what he asked about, I knew the circumstances around it, but for the life of me, I could not produce the answer he wanted - I completely froze up!!! And he told me that's what made the difference, had I answered that question, I would have gotten VG ... and that kinda hurts actually!! I also feel that since it was an oral exam, couldn't he have asked me a few other questions? If I'd shown I knew them, maybe that would have been enough?!? But I guess not ... And that feels rough ... since this was such an extensive course, it feels like getting a VG would have meant a lot, and now knowing that it was because one question ... yeah, I guess you can imagine how that feels ....

I will try to put that behind me, and be happy about passing the course, and also be very happy about handling the situations the way I did, because I'm really satisfied with that ... and I'm also glad to have established this contact with the teacher!

So all in all, this was a good day - even though I suspect it will be a while before I can let go of that one particular question! :)
Now I'm completely enjoying staying up late and doing what I want, and knowing that I don't have to get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow!!!!!!!!

My Life At The Moment!
Currently reading: Deception Point, Dan Brown
Currently watching: The Felloship of the Ring, cast commentary
Currently listening to: Förlorad igen, Nicklas Strömstedt
My Plans for tomorrow: Relaxing, visiting a friend


The Darkest Night said...

way to go sis!! *HUGS*

sorry you didn't get the VG :( but you should still be really proud of yourself! I sure am proud of you! *hugs*

Jessica said...

Thanks sis! :D
I can't help but think about that ONE stupid question from time to time, but basically I'm REALLY happy - and proud - of coping the way I did! :)
Thansk again! :)