Sunday, 26 November 2006

To Deal With The Future!

This has definately not been a good day!!
Things are really piling up for me now, and I'm not quite sure how I will be able to deal with them all, and come out of it in the end. I know I have to try to relax, take one thing at a time, de-dramatize whatever is going on etc. etc. etc. Well, I am really trying, although I'm not making a very good job of it!
I find it very difficult not to look ahead, because I feel I really must look ahead. My life can't really function if I don't plan, or know a little about what is going to happen ... I can't just let everything go and hope for the best - because when I do, things tend to turn to the worse instead. But it's also very, very difficult to handle everything at once! I can't really prioritize either, I don't know what's more important, to pass this course or the next? (well, that's simplifying it, but you know what I mean!) How can I know what to prioritize there? I know I've done very well up until now, and I have no intention of quitting or stepping down or whatever, but I do find it very hard to deal with new challenges constantly ... it's one thing after another after another - and I'm not good at that at all. I really feel like I need to come to terms with what I'm doing, what I am accomplishing, what I'm not doing great ... and there's no time for that. Even when I have a few days off, like I've had now, there are so many things that lie ahead, I can't take the time to think about what's in the past - even though I feel a great need to do so!

This turned out quite dark and gloomy, sorry about that. However, I'm not feeling good at all tonight, and this week is fairly horrible! Well, some stuff about it is good also, but what it comes down to is that I won't be able to rest properly - or at all the way things are going - for at least 1½ weeks, maybe more ... *gulp*
Tomorrow we have double lectures, at some point we'll do an oral presentation - and the whole thing seems very loose and whatnot, so I'm not at sure how that will turn out ... and I'm nervous like Hell! - and then we'll start on 'Interview-technics'. That in itself is very good - I'll hopefully be using interviews in my essay, so I'm looking forward to getting lots of advice! BUT, our teacher wants filmed interviews, with us - meaning some people on the course will have to interveiw/be interviewed in front of a video-camera ... HOW will I cope if I get chosen for that? I haven't ran away from anything for a very long time, but I am afraid I will do if that happens!! Also, this 'interview'-thing will last for about a month, meaning it will be fairly huge, so I can just imagine what the final report and presentation will be like!! This, in theory at least, will be almost as big as the essays we'll be writing - and that's A LOT! On top of this, we have to write the essays at the same time!! Eh, huh?!?
Tomorrow afternoon, I'm finally meeting with my tutor for the first time, regarding the essay! I'm also completely in panic about that - I have no idea how much I should prepare (and it's a bit late to start now!!), how much he wants from me, what he wants from me .... the list goes on and on ...
On Tuesday, more lectures.
On Wednesday I'll have to go to work, only double time this time, since I have so little time, so I'll probably leave home at about 7 a.m. and return back home at 7 p.m. ... great! NOT!
On Thursday we have the first essay-group-seminar, which I have no idea about, I don't know what will happen, and I hardly know anyone who will be there ... panic, again!
Friday is free, but I'm guessing I'll be more dead than alive then! Also, I need to do all my Christmas cleaning and decorating then (my own personal tradition)
On Saturday I'm off to Gotheburg to see Cats with a friend - I'm totally looking forward to it, it's gonna be great, but it still means a lot of pressure, and spending the entire day away from home and all that.
On Sunday I will do some Christmas shopping and go to a Christmas concert, once again, it'll be great fun but also a lot of stress for me ... *sigh*

This turned into quite a ramble about how bad I feel ... sorry about that ...
I have at least started to make dvd caps from Lord of the Rings *yay* It'll take forever before I'm finished, but at least I've started, so points for effort?
I wanted to do some graphics for today's blog, but since I'm in a state of panic, and I have a lot of things to do (and I have to get up at about 4.45a.m. tomorrow!), they are very simple. Anyway, here they are:

Jessica's Websites


Dakota said...

sorry to hear you're not feeling well :(
been there, done that...

I hope you'll feel much better SOON!!


btw, I really like the LOTR graphics - esp. the one with the ring!

The darkest night said...

Sorry to hear you're not doing to great at the weekend sucked too! :(

Hang in there sis!! *HUGS*
I really hope everything will work out and that you'll feel better soon!

btw will you get a real "Christmas vacation" or will you have to study a lot during that time as well? Sounds like you could REALLY use a break (even though Christmas is of course not THAT close...)

I love the graphics you made!!
(I also liked the one with the ring the best! But that's probably because Sauron creeps me out! *lol* The font you used is really cool! Feel like sharing?? :) )

You really inspired me now, so I think tomorrow night I'll start watching LOTR (will start with two towers though)...might even make some caps..and some graphics! *lol* (It's really great making caps of a movie/series you're not TOTALLY obsessed you don't need to make a cap every other second or so *lol*)..

Jexxie said...

Hejsan! Tråkigt att höra att det inte har varit en bra dag. Även om det inte hjälpre särskilt mkt så kan man inte göra mer än attta en dag i taget. Så gör jag nu när det känns jobbigt. Jag tar ex Måndag och fokuserar på vad som ska göras den dagen. Sedan delar jag in det i små steg...mkt lättare att ta sig igenom då. Det går säkertbra på den muntliga presentationen. Lycka till och hoppas att du får en TOPPEN dag. Kramar Jessica

Jexxie said...

fina "bilder" (kallas dem det? känner inte till det korrekta ordet på svenska) förresten!!!

Jessica said...

Thanks! Yeah, those days are really AWFUL!! *sigh* Wish you could go life without ever experiencing them!! No such luck I guess ...
Glad to hear you enjoyed the graphics though! :) They're really very simple, but it was all I had time for ... better than nothing, I suppose! ;)

Jessica said...

the darkest night:
Thank you so much for your support! I really hope I can take some time away from studies during the Christmas holidays, but that pretty much depends on how things turn out now, since I HAVE to finish my essay in time *sigh* I hate stressing all the time ...

Glad you enjoyed the LOTR backgrounds! :) And I'm really happy if I inspired you! :) This seems to be spreading, I had this friend from Uni over, who aparently - I had no idea! - is obsessed with the movies (I found out today she sees at least one of the movies EVERY WEEK!! *yikes*!), and she inspired me ... and now I've inspired you! *LOL*

Jessica said...

Du har helt rätt i att man får försöka ta en sak i taget ... jag försöker, men det är ju i vanlig ordning lättare sagt än gjort! :) Det händer ju oxå väldigt mycket i mitt liv nu, och jag MÅSTE i vissa lägen - tyvärr! - planera framåt ... just nu tror jag verkligen att jag behöver en PAUS, men jag är inte riktigt säker på att det funkar i praktiken! Vi får se ..

Kul att du gillar LOTR bilderna! :) Jag vet inte vad det kallas på svenska egentligen ... brukar vara så 'internationell' att jag kör med "graphics" rakt över! :)

Jexxie said...

jag skriver min sammanfatning nu och där är en massa uttryck osm jag inte ens försöker översätta....

Jag....som du sa...det är alltid lättare sagt än gjort och man måste planera framåt ibland! Men nu är idag över iaf!!


Jessica said...

Vet hur det! Fast vissa fackuttryck och sånt KAN man nästan inte översätta, eller hur?! Blir bara konstigt då!

Du har helt rätt! Man betar iaf av dag efter dag efter dag ... så helt omöjligt är det ju inte! :)