Thank God this day is finally over!!
It has been quite a day indeed, and I'm feeling so far beyond tired, that I hope you'll forgive me if this entry somehow won't make any kind of sense!
I managed to get a few anxiety-reducing methods going during my trip to Uni, I am actually amazed at myself for that, because I'm quite often capable of finding rational arguments for "disarming" the situation I'm about to enter, that's actually making sense ... I can really take this arguments to me, and they do help me!! I have never quite managed that before, at least not to this extent, and that feels really really great.
I was still more than nervous when I got to Uni ... the others said they were really nervous too, but as I wrote before, that doesn't really help me. I don't get less anxious just because I know others are nervous too - and to be frank, why would I? I mean, why would I feel any better if I know others are feeling bad ... (okay, I told you I was totally tired and rather confused ....!)
I won't go into detail about the presentation in itself, because then you would fall asleep before you've read through half of it ... but let's just say I do not want to re-live the hours between noon and four o'clock this afternoon! Our group got so much criticism, it was actually embarrasing! The other groups got some "bad" feedback on maybe one or two things - I think we got six or seven ... from both our teachers and some rather suspect comments from a fellow student! *sigh* I have to admit though, that most of the criticism we got were called for, it wasn't unfair - though there were a couple of things regarding our group and one other group that felt rather far-fetched.
All in all - I'm not happy with the way things turned out!!
The teachers said that naturally no one had failed the course (that was pretty much given beforehand), so I know that I really can let go of this course now. It's really finished and I've gotten a passing grade ... but it's hard not to keep thinking about this, since it turned out the way it did!
Moving on to an explanation of the title of today's entry! I feel like I should finish off with something positive, after this rather awful day!
This course that I've finished now, is actually the first course in five years that I have completed on the same conditions as every other student! Five years ago, I started this education programme (I went on sick leave after about one semester), and since than there has always been one thing or another that I have had to skip, or find alternate solutions too!
I studied full time most of last semester too, but there were some things involved in the courses that I felt I couldn't handle, so I spoke to the teachers and made alternate arrangements ... but not this time. This is the first time I've followed a course, made all the assignments - oral as well as written - in the same way as everybody else! I have also been on every lecture except three, and in those cases I was really sick, which is also a record, I think ... I have always found excuses to skip going to lectures before!
*feeling rather proud now*
Mixed feelings today - as you have noticed by now! I'm going to try to put this course, and this presentation, behind me now, and look toward the future instead!
Take care guys!